Another Below Deck Podcast - The Wacker | Below Deck Med S10 E4

Episode Date: October 21, 2025

Dylan and Pat are back to break down trust fund babies, Ozzy Osborne, vegans, wine hags, Naked and Afraid, Waterworld, milk & cookies, robotic arms, Nobu and more from Bravo's Below Deck Mediterranean  PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

This is a spoiled child who is blackout drunk, who is going to attempt to put his feet in the ocean via an inflatable deck that is difficult to balance on when you're sober. So that's not going to work, right, Tattoo? He's going to fall in and die. He's going to get mauled by grizzly bear down there and V's going to be traumatized all over again. You're never going to believe what happened to Jack. Don't tell him he got mauled by grizzly. He got mauled by five. I didn't even know where they came from.

We're in Barcelona. Welcome aboard. Hello. How are you? Hello. Happy Friday. Happy Buzzball Friday. This is another episode of Bad TV. I'm Dylan. That's Pat. Permission to come aboard. Galen's on the ones and twos. Hello. How you doing? Good. What color is that? It's blue, but the flavor is berry, cherry, lime aid.

Berry, cherry, limeade. How is it? It's delicious. Okay. How many of those do you have? I don't know. I buy them because it's Buzzball Friday. I buy like four.

You get four? Four. They sell them in four packs at Ralph's now. Have you thought about buying in bulk? No. I don't want to. to cross the line. You think that you like buzz balls too much, that if there are too many around,

you'll drink too many of them? Well, Dill, I mean, think about that. Sometimes it's like, I don't want to, I don't have to crack a can of beer or something like that. I'd rather just, uh, it will wake the wife. I'd rather just pour a buzz ball into a glass. All right. Um, uh, we're here to talk about below deck and below deck only.

I'm contemplating what I just said. and that made no sense at all. And I want to apologize to the audience. They're both cans. I didn't even want to get into it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

So, what's up? How much? How you been doing? Good, good, good. Can we say where we're going after this? No. Why not? No.

Okay. Playing Kaelin and fantasy. this week. Oh, interesting. Yes, he is my enemy. Not as interesting as the person we're going to have dinner with later. No, it's not. It's also not a showboaty.

True. Ah, that's your issue. Yes. Look, we're friends with sea rats now, Dylan. We're in the world. Our after show is like, I think close to beating, watch what happens live. We're their direct competitor. Do you know that?

Mm-hmm. Remind the audience, Kaelin, what we're doing. Oh, yeah. After Below Deck airs on the West Coast, go to our YouTube channel and you can watch the episodes live. Oh, I forgot about that. And everybody, thank Kailen. Kailen's been working very hard on the show.

Very hard on the show. Below Deck episode something. I think it's episode three. Yeah. We have a lot of jizzy stuff tonight. It's four. It should be four. Kayland.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll turn my mic off now. No, no, you don't have to. You don't have to. A little jizzy stuff, kind of.

She's just kind of the most, out of this pile of sea rats that we have, jizzies among the most vile. We also have Christian, who is very close to just punching everyone in the face. Yeah, but Max has a punchable face, too. And he's creating this. A punchable energy. Max needs to chill out. Nathan, I was actually, I guess I'm getting into my pots right now.

Nathan, I was actually kind of proud of this. evening and um i think that while what's his name paul who's the kid jake who's this little child that's on this boat jack who's the primary oh jack jack jack um just an uninteresting and boring archetype we've seen it so many times before just just uh uh such one chicken meaningless affluent demands from a spoiled rotten child i have to say this sometimes you like look on the outside and sometimes i'm wrong but when i look at jack i go i don't think he's ever created or done anything to make his own money i think he's a spoiled little uh what do you call that where your parents give you money depo baby uh no the other one uh where you trust fund oh trust fund yes yes because

people that talk like this didn't actually earn any money i know a billionaire he drives a pickup truck that's three years old and you wouldn't know he's a millionaire that's my thing with billionaires you know um like i i can't remember who was talking about this recently but somebody was talking to a billionaire like how you doing is oh i'm so exhausted work was crazy work what are you doing working why are you working i know that you have a motor you're like a hummingbird that loves buzz balls but if you had a billion dollars would you be working yeah that's so crazy Dylan, idle hands are the devil's playground. Any person that's ever sold the business and said,

I'm not talking about true idleness, but like, definitely not working. Everybody that says they're going to retire, Ozzy Osborne, who's dead now, he said he was going to retire after the No Tears Tour. Do you know what year that was? 1992. Yeah.

And who doesn't know when the No Tears Tour was? Okay. and he went and he took a year off and he said he was going to focus on painting and hanging out of his family. Guess what happened? He got really fucking bored and then started diving deep into the bottle.

He had to start get back in the studio and go back on the road. Yeah, and then a couple years later, he flipped an ATV on top of him and almost died. Is that what made him like, or was he always like that? I never knew that. You didn't know that.

Uh-uh. Well, they played it on the Osbournes. Really? Yeah, he had a really bad ATV accident. Oh. Kaelin, can you look up the injuries that Ozzy Osbourne sustained in that ATV accident? Because I fear as though it was quite bad. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Life-changing kind of stuff. I saw him like two more times live. I didn't see it affect his performance at all. But my point here, Del. Injury, what were the injuries he sustained? He suffered a broken collarbone, eight fractured ribs and a fractured vertebrae and was in a coma for eight days, requiring resuscitation twice. Never knew that.

Holy cow. I think after that you kind of get a little or that could have been just the booze. I'm not sure. I wish I could sit down and relax, but I always feel like my wife tells me one of the worst things is for me to be, have nothing to do. Because I get up and start walking around the room in circles. Yeah, you pace. Anyways, back to Below Deck and I'm really sorry that I took us on that diatribe. I thought it was a good episode of Below Deck.

You know, we're in this kind of probationary period in the beginning of the season where we always hire a sea rat or five that are not suitable for this position. The only time a sea rat really gets fired is if they're such a toxic human being with such a sad sea rat history that they cause too much emotional turmoil for the rest of the sea rats. more commonly though they're just a true and apparent danger for the souls on this vessel and that's what we have with Hess and Christian um I give this episode 79 pots 79 pots all right so I want to start off the episode by apologizing to Nate Nate I have to admit I was a little uh I was probably giving you a little uh little shit because I think uh your baby mom is gorgeous and you're a tremendous fuck up for screwing that up But as far as your work here on this vessel, the casting did you dirty, man.

They really, normally you get one incompetent person and then someone that has like anger issues or something or sex addiction issues. They gave you two incompetent idiots. And I, I now see that you know what you're doing and I feel, I feel for you as a person. Holy shit. This is quite a bit of growth from you, Patty. these buzz balls have some kind of mad they're a magical tonic yeah and even josh in the kitchen i'm like okay he is very competent so of course they're going to throw him a curveball in the next

episode of vegan who has very discerning taste and uh which is an oxymoron yeah yeah i mean how much fucking cassava flour horse shit can you eat you know you can't even eat eggs as a vegan right you cannot okay peanut butter you can eat peanut butter you can eat peanut butter you can eat Honey? I don't know if true vegans will not eat honey. Jesus fucking Christ. Okay. Christian or Tess has to go?

Which begs the question, like, I'm a big, I'm a big tree person. When I see a tree, especially if you've taken psychedelics, that thing's alive. What is the difference between a stock of corn getting ripped away from its home and a pig's throat getting slit? You know, one can squeal, the other can't? Her pigs are highly intelligent. They are. They're so good, though. It's so fucked up how good they are.

They just taste incredible. I don't know what to do about that. I'll tell you. I can't fix that. You're lovely Lucy, your daughter. Yeah. Not her, but her kids are going to think you were a monster. Well, I am.

All right. Let me wrap this up here. But also, we don't want pigs walk. and all over. Like, can you imagine if we, if we're driving the highways and byways of this hellhole called Los Angeles and there were just pigs all over the place?

True. That'd be crazy. Yeah. I always wonder, like, what other animal would take our place from an evolutionary standpoint, you know, had,

as we developed our thumbs, you know, and found purpose in life, like watching a you porn and all that stuff. Wolves? Are you talking about wolves? I don't know. Like,

you got to be able to create something, right? Yeah. You got to be able to, like, I don't know, build a fire or something. Yeah. Who's next in line for that? I don't think it could be hippos. No. Nope.

Stingrays are way too, like, they can't even, they can't do anything. I think raccoons, raccoons are mischievous, and you need mischief in order to excel in society. I'm going to go with the same family. I'm going to go squirrels. There's a big spectrum of personality within squirrels. And, you know, with every animal. But squirrels you can really see.

There are some mean ones. There are some sweet ones. There are some naive ones. You know, ones that are really gullible. By the way, the barnacle that really took issue with me saying that a kangaroo is a rat that learned to stand up, I stand by it. You can fuck off. Zero knots.

Our dear Vivian, we love our Aussie listeners. and we should, Arizona missions. Asia is actually a Kiwi. She's not from Australia. Oh, yeah, that was a big mess upon my part. Because she was on Dananda,

that I equated her. Oh, I think, Dananda. I had, I can't stop thinking about her as being an awesome. Let us know, what is a fucking difference

between a fucking Australian and a New Zealander? I'm sure there's big differences. You think? Well, I know they're different islands, but think about us and Canadians.

Yeah. Right? They're just above us. Think about us and Mississippians. I mean, two completely different worlds. They're jumping in fucking water and going up to mud walls, shoving their hand in holes, and having catfish bite their arms.

Oh, yeah. We would never do that. That was a great reality show for a while. Mudden? Is that what it's called? VH1's muddn? No, I don't know what it is. Anyways, we have a five-star review from Linda Yoga Girl

who says that she still can't get into the Patreon. I don't know what to tell you. Thank you for the five stars. We have unblocked you. Just use a different email address. Linda, yoga girl. We want your $5 more than $1. We want everyone's $5.

Kaelin, can you get on this case? It's a listener. She loves me more than she loves Dylan. Dylan blocked her a couple years ago because she said something that was unflattering. She got a little kooky with the conservative shit. I just had had enough, you know. Wouldn't be the first person that Dylan had blocked?

No, I get sick of people. I really do. It's like, what are you doing here? We're trying to have a good time here. Yeah. Should we get going? Yeah, I think so. All right.

You know, speaking to Trump, I think we've got a really. Oh, geez. I think we. No politics. No, but I want to just say something really quickly. Okay, there's, I find the man repulsive, but should we start hawking products as a business? I mean, should we come out with our own stakes or something like that? Because, you know, we want everyone's $5, but we're not selling anything gold or anything like that.

You know what I mean? Should we put out shoes or Bibles or something like that? Well, Dylan, we lost our shirt with those, literally with a thousand wine hag shirts. we thought that was going to be a windfall of money. And now I got to stop renting that space for 500 bucks a month with the wine hag shirts. We were like, we're going to put the words wine hag in big letters on the front of a shirt. We're going to buy 1,500 of them. And, yeah, they sold, but not that many.

No, no, no, no, no. Turns out people do not want to walk around in public or really at home. home with the words wine ag on their shirt but to those who bought those we love you so much you are the real ones all right let's get into blow deck okay it has been 15 minutes has it really been 15 minutes yeah it has oh my god I am so sorry Dylan's been jibber jabbered I have to say this though there's not a lot of meat in this episode honestly this is like uh I don't know it it it wasn't a great episode it didn't move you no all right well let's get into it yeah let's get into it All right, we begin the episode with Christian floating off to China

or perhaps another dimension if you're into that kind of thing. Yeah. Real three body problem kind of situation. Well, I think the Marvel movies or superhero movies in general, when they started like having to use other dimensions as a. Yeah, a plot device. I didn't know. Can I tell you that three body fucking shit?

I tried to read the book and then I tried to watch the show. Me too. Can you simplify stuff for me? Okay. I don't need to, to this radar. is this frequency and this physics department sees this in this video game

it's like fucking calm it down I don't know what's going on originally written by a Chinese author Yeah it's like a commentary on communism or some shit like that And it's like just make it make sense I'm too stupid for this okay I've been watching people eat

Chipotle and shoving flaming hot Cheetos in the top of the burrito for three years I can't understand what you're talking about. I'm getting dumber. Help me help myself. I'm no different than Christian.

I'm just out at sea. So he's out at sea, and we had, I think fans had wondered if he had gotten concussed and that's why he was so chill. I saw the hit. It wasn't that bad. I've taken hits like that. I'm great.

Yeah. No, listen, the reason why he was stranded out there is because Tess is, I'm not going to say that she's Britney from Real Housewives of Salt Lake level of stupid, but she's dangerously close and she's a dangerous, and I don't mean to be mean, I'm sorry. I don't know. You get to say this about her just because you're of the opposite sex. You get to call someone out for being a moron.

She's a dumb ass and a moron. And let me tell you something else. If I was in her position, I would be in the same boat. There are certain kinds of brains that are not suited for certain kinds of environments. Or, how about actually having to have worked on a boat before you showed up here? Because she does, when they show the B-roll of her engaging in any actual... She's standing or she has a fucking clue what's going on. Not one clue.

It's dangerous for her and everyone on that. I mean, think about poor Paul. He's up there. He thinks his entire life is ahead of him, right? He's going to take his mother's money to buy cocaine and snort it off the ass. of men and women for the rest of his life, right? Are you referring to Zach? What's his name?

Jack, the primary? Jack, yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, not if Tessa's got anything to do with it. So, anyways, the reason why he's stranded is because she did not fill up the jet ski, which is... And when confronted, because we see the footage from the night before when Nate says, hey, before you go to bed, you got to, you know, charge these jet skis, you know? She says, oops, I forgot. yeah you it seems like that's a pretty important thing to make sure that you do before you go to bed

yeah i mean listen again going back to specific environments uh professional environments like you know if you work at an a m pm and let's say a vagrant walks in and blows shit and blood all over the wall and you're supposed to go in and clean it up and you forget to not the end of the world but you should have remembered to do that the stakes are lower the stakes are lower let me give you an example where the stakes are higher. Please do. Are you a fan of naked and afraid? Mm-hmm.

You show up there. They allow you to bring one thing in for survival. What if you just forget? You forgot. And your partner is looking at you going, would you bring, Ted? And I said, I can't find an answer. You know, I'm like,

I go, my hairy balls. Right, right. Well, it looks as though. The only thing I've brought is my penis. Right. Yeah. Or my hairy ball. Maybe we can use it as, I don't know,

like just throwing, shit at the wall. Maybe we can use it as a filtration device, like water or something. That doesn't work. There's no, that's not how human penis is work. They can't really filter anything out. But that's where it's on the line, you know. Yes.

You've got to make sure you do shit. Right. Exactly. All right. Meanwhile, Max rescues Christian. And this is crazy because he spends a lot of time tormenting him, driving around. He jet ski bullies him. Yeah.

He fucking, he fucking, he's, varsity blues him. He just drives all around him and punks him. It's really, Max is quite a piece of shit. I don't like him because he is really feeling himself and he should not. Kaelan, have you ever gone to Waterworld at Universal Studios? Of course. Okay. I assume you haven't, or maybe you got dragged there once. No, I've gone many times as cynical and hateful of populace as large and small as I am. I really enjoy the Waterworld show. Waterworld is an amazing show. It lasts 45 minutes. They recap that movie that no one remembers from 1995, but it's a wonderful show. Dennis Hopper says the R word, I think 17 times.

Does he really? Yeah. Okay. Maybe just once, but loudly. When we took Elliot and Quentin there, like four months ago because we got the California pass, there's, what do you call like the crowd? There's two guys. There are stokers, the warm up guys.

Yeah. They come out with these gigantic squirt guns that can fire water. and they have these seats that are deemed the splash zone. This poor obese woman with diabetes. You've told this story. Oh, yeah. She's in a scooter. And they took great joy in just nailing this one.

I think they shorted out the scooter. They're like Jimmy Pardo, but mean and on jet skis. They would not stop. She had to be pushed out by some people that work at Universal. Like, it was so sad. Yeah. All right. So the primary's mom, we figure out the Jetsky stuff. Max Jetsky bullies Christian. They tow it back. And the primary's mother calls. And we find out that she is more than just a mom. She is the banker. That's right. So it's not cool if you own your own money. If you made your own money and you behave like this, it's really not cool if it's your mom's money. Yeah. It's like, I know that you are on. a yacht but you're also you're a loser you're a loser I would tell that you're a loser you're a loser

you see all these people that are here eating the food that you paid for right they're here because you're a loser they're not your actual friends right right right and by the way every one of those people and we wouldn't be this mean to you if you weren't so like if you look down on other people and you've done nothing to accomplish that you're a loser you're a loser you're a loser yeah and it's this is his second uh stint stint on this yeah she uh every one of his charter guests were completely polite and at some point they said uh at the tail end of the episode one one of the girls was packing her own luggage or something yeah not a loser not a loser right but uh they see you as a full on sucker yeah sucker so asia is feeling great about her team um they're firing on all

cylinder. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're firing on all cylinders. And we get a little twist, though. It seems as though one of her members is going to be ripped away from her. That's V the sexy Latina. Yes. Turns out she's good at charging jet skis, apparently. It also knows lines. And can I, I'm going to take something back. You know, I was a little worried about how I was going to be perceived. And I just, you know, Patty, I got to be me. Yeah, you got to be you. let's not let's not say chalk up test's kind of moronic nature to just being in the wrong environment um she i think she might just be a full-blown moron because like if you're if you're instructed to fill up jet skis at night that's not like we're not talking about coding this isn't

a speciality or anything like that also for her to specifically call out nathan as not being a good leader and not instructing her it's like he told you to gas up the jet skis i don't know how you can find blame in that right right right now v the latina we love this story dylan she used to work as a dekey and tell her boyfriend bon vaughn bond bond bond yeah he died in the water and they never tell us except we know they don't need to he died of food poisoning Yeah, I'm just fucking around. He was killed by an alpaca. Yeah.

In the water while he was scuba diving. What's an alpaca like a llama? Yeah, they live on hills in Peru. Not a very lethal animal, are they? Once they get in the sea, like 20 feet below. Yeah. Do they transform or something? I don't know.

V needs to explain this. They've never told us how Bond died. So let's say theoretically, we, and I just want to, to see how far you're willing to go with this bit. Let's say theoretically, we're on an email thread with Bravo and they go, hey, would you like V? And I go, before you can even answer, I go absolutely more than anything. Are you going to ask her what happened to Bond underwater? Are you going to ask her? Absolutely. No, you're not. Oh, I am. No, because that would be a disgusting thing to do. because obviously we know

he was mauled by a grizzly. He was mauled by a grizzly. And to bring that up to her knowing, it would just be resurfacing painful memories for no problem. But listen. Actually, it was a drug deal gone wrong. This is a, this is a hero's journey, okay?

V has been sheltered and shepherded away from the theater of pain that she once felt at home in, right? You're talking about the ocean. the ocean the sea the sea yeah she's terrified by the sea yes of what was once a dance floor is now not a dance floor but can she be brought back well bond well bond would want her to face her fears yes like he did bond would say to her if he was alive now he would say v listen it is complete it is a complete freak accident to be killed the way i was by a grizzly bear of three meters underwater okay Don't let that keep you away from the sea.

Yes. Yeah. Confront your fears. We lost our fastball a little bit today. What? Are we okay? Oh, we're great. Rough start, I think.

Rough start. You know what? I resent you because you say that and you look at me the way that you're looking at me and I feel like you're putting that all on me. No, no. I own all of it. You don't, though. That would be ridiculous.

Kalen, has this been okay? The longer the show, the better. Okay. I like your tangents. That's producing right there. You know that you were trying to put that on me. No, no, no, no. You said Dylan got a little jibber jappery before we even got here.

Did you see that he added that? I didn't add that. Don't gaslight me. Dylan, we're the number one below deck. All right. What happens next? Let's get to it. All right.

Jack's, Jack orders two milkshakes. Captain and Nate chat about his team. Talk about arrested development. This little bitch, he wants milk. And cookies. You know, I know children like this that were just never pushed out of the nest. Mom, can you make me a BLT? Like, oh, you'll go over to a friend's house.

Let's say, well, I was 20 years old. I'd go over to a friend's house. He's still living with his parents. Like, you want to smoke weed in your bedroom? It's your mom's down there. Yeah, it's fine. She doesn't care. What are you eating?

Oh, my mom made me a sandwich. What time do you wake up today? One. That is not a good situation. No, no, no. That is not a good vibe. Personal story. Not funny.

Some of my buddies from high school junior year, we decide, well, they decided I was a follower. Hey, let's skip school today and let's get a bottle of vodka. It's like a Tuesday. Love that. And let's go hang out at this old guy's house and watch TV or something. And it's around like one. Oh, is that the guy that tried to have sex with you guys? No, no, no, that's, that was the guy that just tried to have sex with me.

Oh, okay. Put the porn on. And he's like, hey, what do you think of this? I'm like, ah, yeah. What do I think of this? Well, it's, it's foreign. So, uh, oh, yeah. So around one o'clock, I had a glass of vodka.

Was it gay porn or just normal porn? That's the other story, though. This one, yeah, uh, I'm hanging out with my buddies and this old guy who, like trying to get us high or whatever maybe you want to have sex with i don't know but anyway one o'clock i realized how old was he please i don't know ages because when you're everybody seems yeah they're old he could have been 30 but to me he was like just old yeah and i remember thinking at one o'clock i'm like i don't think i should be drinking vodka on a tuesday at one and what i think we were watching uh kevin costner's version of robin hood

or something really depressing oh yeah i'm like hey i'm gonna uh take a elite guys and I just I just bailed I just left dude vodka at one o'clock on a Tuesday watching Kevin Koster and Robin Hood with a 30 year old man and a couple other friends yeah and they were smoking weed too that's tough and you

and you weren't smoking weed you know I don't like weed never been a weed guy we're going to get to the bottom of that one day hey everybody listen before we get back to the show I want to take a quick break to talk about an amazing sponsor Rula Spell it on

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So listen, go to Rula.com slash bad TV to get started today. All right, Rula sticks with you throughout your journey, checking in to make sure your care is helping you move forward. So go to Rula.com slash bad TV to get started today. that's rula.com slash bad TV for quality therapy that's covered by insurance. So V is making massive strides, but Jizzy is very jealous by it. She's jealous because she's an extremely competitive person and she was made competitive by her mother who was trying to accomplish things on stage vicariously through her daughter.

Are you referring to the ballet recitals and contests? Yes, exactly. Now, the problem I have with Jizzy is that, well, she's a tormentor of men. That's fine. Men should be able to see this and not fall for it. But it seems a little futile, but regardless, the big problem I have with her is her animosity towards V, because V is a sweetheart, and V has done nothing wrong. and jizzy says that when she sees v getting praised from from asia it kind of fires her up

because if you're not first or second she says second place is a first loser well yeah so back when she was seven years old during that ballet contest she came in second and her mother said you're a goddamn loser you're a fucking loser and when your parent tells you that that type of parenting sends you on a direct path to uh getting s tc yeah and i'm this serrat uh score is going to be 0.75. It's not a 1. And I'm going to award her a quarter point for every STD. So 3.

Oh, okay. Yeah. So that's a win for her. Yeah, I think I got to find the comment because our fans are so funny. Somebody commented under one of our posts that was just like... They weren't happy? No, no, no. It's not that they weren't happy.

It was just being blown away by how transparent. It was Brianna who said to announce that you've had three STDs with zero shame on TV is crazy. It's pretty crazy. And that's like, that's one of those things that just kind of like, it's not that nuts of a thing to say, but it crystallizes. I mean, we're here watching a young woman who just told everybody with a bunch of cameras around that she had three STDs in one charter. Now, that's pretty nuts. But the thing I was going to say about her having this professional competitiveness and if you're, not first or last and second place is the first loser jizzy you're a sea rat now i'm not saying

that like all sea rats are losers or anything but but to have this gordon gecko kind of uh gas tank in this environment is a little ironic you would have thought she'd uh made it her way up at like one of those uh financial firms yeah yeah yeah you're not on the the fifth floor of merrill lynch trying to get to the 20th right um to be fair to be fair to her to be fair to heard there's still tied now dill meanwhile and this is one of the more important uh points here uh you'll see him just why in a second sandy calls her lovely wife lea and you can tell these uh two just want to tear their uh each other's clothes off i love them now if you remember last week i had a concept that could help long distance relationships oh yes yeah it was the robot arm right yeah the would

work one person over well the love the partner Yeah, the phantom beat, the phantom beat. You had asked me, what is the name for this product? And I'm happy to tell you today, Dylan, not only do I have a name for the product, I have a patent. Okay. It's called the Wacker. Get this. And you don't have a patent.

Yeah, no, I do. No, you don't. Oh, no, no. They're already working on an actual, you know, what do you call it? Concept? Yeah, concept. Yeah, yeah. What, no, no, no, you're talking about a, uh, prototype, a prototype, yeah, yeah, it's a, it's an arm and it will whack you off. It'll also finger you. And your partner can control this. And I already have a slogan. Uh, it's, uh, if your sex life is a slacken, well, get a whackin. What are you doing? The wacker.

Sorry. Um, the, did you say that was the slogan? Yeah. Give me the slogan. because of long distance if your sex life is a slacken well get a whacking what are you doing the whacker i love uh the condemnation in the slogan what are you doing what are you doing um i'm i'm serious guys this is gonna like you just wait till the porn sites get a hold of this don't don't say that this is going to be revolution It's going to be revolutionary. Well, it can't be, though. Why not?

Well, we talked about it last week. The market cap on this is quite low to the ground. It's for sea rats who are in long-distance relationships. No, no, no, Dale, I've scaled this. I have way bigger picture. Think about, like, porn or whatever, right? Like, it's the number one websites that people are going to on the planet Earth. Okay.

Number three? Well, yeah, big five.com is not beating porn hub, But, you know, anyways, maybe Google is. Here's my point. Imagine now you can have a robotic arm, hold on to whatever you want to be pleasured, and then you can have someone else robotically maneuver. You know what? Actually, I do think this is a big deal.

It's a big deal. This is a big idea because most companies start small and then some kind of Justin Timberlake Appletini kind of guy comes in. You take a business meeting and cracks the whole thing open, right? So allow me to be Justin Timberlake right now. this is not sure this could be a big technology company right thanks just it starts off with and we'll have another round it starts off with this crazy bad idea of a robot arm beating off somebody else but what this can turn into is full tech utility right this is the beginning of robotics now the problem

is is that uh what's the company called the wacker and i also i only need one robotic motion it's going to work for both sexes. Well, that doesn't make sense. I'm still working on it. Okay. Yeah. Okay, got it. It's in development.

The Wacker. And how much? And Justin, I will give you 5% stake in my company for $8 trillion. But seriously, though, were you to get this off the ground, what kind of funding would you need? I'll probably, for the robotics prototype, I probably need, like, I don't know, like 400 grand. Okay. You'll burn that pretty quick.

burn through that pretty quick if you really want to achieve what you're going to achieve. Guys, let's get back to the show. Oh, sure, yeah. The deck team practices raising that tender as the guests are eating dinner with an eye shot. Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. So robespierre is fired up again because Tess and Christian are just as useless as they've always been.

They're trying to throw robes and pull a tender up. now um what are you doing i want to practice a little bit of discipline here you know when you were talking about porn hub and the websites you know um i was watching a movie the other day and somebody called pink dot you remember pink dot oh yeah yeah man the nostalgia of that you could call and and ask for cigarettes and a loaf of bread and a turkey sandwich and a turkey sandwich i mean and this little funny car with a propeller would show up in your front yard yeah exactly and now what do we have we have Miriam a robot fucking bucket

driving around it's like much worse anyways think about how truly catastrophic this could be you have Tess is her name Tess or Tessa

they call her both T T you got T and Christian the airplane pilot lugging up a tender that is where I mean I don't know boats I would imagine this thing's probably

at least $100,000, right? Yeah. It's tilted on its side. You've got a person in the boat. You've got heavy machinery that could slam into the boat. You could just lose the tender altogether. The fact that I think production flew a little too close to the sun on this one. I've been saying this for the first three episodes, Dylan.

Yeah. I love the casting, but you're, you may just get some people killed. Yeah, this is crazy. So eventually they figure it out, but Nathan has to step. in and manage the situation because Robespier is flipping out. Okay. He wants heads to roll. And Nathan tells him, hey, you can't snap at people like that. That's not your position. That's not your job. You need to maintain, dude. Okay. But they do do it right next to the dinner table. And the guests take a little too much enjoyment in watching. I personally, when I see

strangers fighting or something fucked up, I walk the other direction. Right. That's just because I'm a better person. Yeah, yeah. And also going to Mr. Frenchie here. Hey, dude, the only thing you guys ever invented was the fucking French kiss, okay? And some mustard. Democracy. Take four steps.

Seats. Seven. Okay. I think you're kind of taking accomplishments away from the French. Okay. I mean, they do incredible things with cheese. They really do do incredible things with cheese. And salad dressing.

no the salad dressing has nothing to do with it how about bread they do incredible things with bread you know a bagette is one of the most important loaves in the the gastronomic canon i heard they invented the blowjob too did they i doubt that you i probably got a couple of you know kind of just kind of bored berry pickers going let you know try to throw it in my mouth let's see what happens. And that was back when our teeth were like much bigger and our eyes were like exploding out of our heads. I don't know what we used to look like. But anyways, let's get to the similarities between music and food. Kidding, let's not. Hold on. This is what I don't want to do with this guy. I understand. But when he put out that analogy that serving an eight-course meal

was much like a live concert, as I, there's no way he's going to pull this off. He did in fact stick the landing. A hundred percent. And that's why I'm, I'm, I got to tell you, I've been saying it for episodes, he's too good, okay? He's too good. I want, I want people to be almost lit on fire with a below-dex, a below-deck chef's attempt at an eight-course dinner, not, I mean, we're going aho-blanco to start things off, something that you would never eat because it would hurt your tummy. Was it gazpacho?

It's beans. It's like, would you eat a white bean soup? Yes. You would? Yeah, they have it at, uh, there's white bean soup over at Pitfire Grill. I love it. You eat a white bean soup, huh? That doesn't hurt your tummy?

Nope. Wow. Yeah. A street taco would hurt your tummy. Yeah. Okay. Now, he did that with Wagu. He did.

So, uh, are you going to go through every dish? Okay. One thing I will say he, as if you're going to have fun with a live concert, you should always mention never play the new shit unless you're like Taylor Swift but no definitely don't play that new shit like if you're the Rolling Stones you don't want to be so sad what

why is there no band where we could hear the new shit but seriously though like if you went to a Kings of Leon concert and they played some fucking new shit you'd be like what the fuck are you guys doing get the fuck out of here play a you saw but Tom Petty who's great live

one of his last concerts I saw him they fucking opened up with free falling. You want to talk about like, that should be your encore. You're fucking opening with that. I'm like, yes, this rocks.

Okay. About 45 minutes in, they had just put out a jazz record. You lost me. He goes, we're going to play a couple from the new record. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Don't do that. Yeah, I was like, well, I'm going to get a pretzel. All right. Aha Blanco kicks things off

of bean gazpacho. We followed that up with a curried barbecue lobster. Um, a lovely little gas streak on the side. soft-shell crab with Ponzu. And right now, not only is the meal perfectly balanced, the flavors are perfectly balanced too. These are bold but light accompaniments with fish

that are like peeking you into the meal, right? This is a wonderful construction of this because at this point, you know, you've eaten three things, but you're salivating for more, right? the pot the ponsu has lit you up a little bit despite the the food being fried and that's when these people start to get really comfortable right they're in the pocket and that's when little jack starts talking about how they spent 10,000 euro on a lunch in paris ah good for you uh feeling yourself wow you sound like an asshole yeah yeah by the way did you like how no one at the table

really helped him no continue that it's like you know it's like you know it's Just gross. It's gross. We then get Wagyu Beef Tacos and take a break for Max and Jizzy to flirt. She says Tom is going to punch you in the face and then says, oh, also, we've been dating for two months. Yeah. Then I believe she tells us, she explains that she's fallen in love and then she gives her dating history and relationship history. I could have just summed it up. You're a love addict. Yeah. Like you need therapy. Yeah. And she says that. So Jack begins to talk about the Setschuan chicken that he wants. But first, we've got black miso cod,

you know, a nod to Nobu. Los Angeles is Nobu, which is just like, you can hate on it, but it's, you know, it's, it's just important. It's just an important place. And God saved it from the fires.

God saved it from a fire. if it wasn't an important place burn moon shadows the fuck down right exactly yeah you know benihanas will be wiped out in mass nobody will be saved um then we get to pistachio gelato with caviar i don't think that it was actual caviar i think it was that was an odd one i'm not sure um and then we get to creme brule again he is too good this is a 92 pot dinner wow yeah okay yeah well then we must see his fall in the next episode now dillel you did gloss over Kissy and Tessa chatting in their cabin. Tessa calls balls and strikes or so she claims in life.

She says Nate is definitely lacking leadership, and that's a big part of the problem that they're having on that Decky team. And this prompts some C-Rat history. Tessa, when she was seven years old, she told the rest of the kids that Santa didn't exist because he got stuck in a chimney and he burned to death. and if you want to hear the whole story, it's documented in a movie called Gremlins.

I'd call it. Tessa is a bummer. Tessa is just an odd-ball bummer. She's a very tough nut to crack, right? Because she's unbelievably conceited and judgmental, but she contributes and provides absolutely nothing. She is a sack of flour who thinks that everyone is,

or are sacks of, flower it's really crazy well i don't want to get to the ending too quickly but uh when sandy who i've never seen do this before leaves it up to the bosen to decide what kind of who wants to be a millionaire 50 50 choices that is sure uh all right so we wrapped dinner up but jack is still hungry or is going to be hungry later and that's when he says i want you to make me seschuan chicken for later sitting there going I got I got to give it to Carmen here she steps in to not have him have to deal with this it says it's getting late our chef has not slept really what she should I what

hey asshole this guy has been waiting on you hand in foot for 12 hours he's not cooking you fucking chicken go to bed you fucking drunk spoiled brat now I don't like this drunk spoiled brat now I don't like this drunk spoiled brat and I think he's a loser but if I'm on a yacht if I'm chartering a yacht it's always the point of content we've had with these these vacations you're going to make me i mean this time you had eight courses but we've seen this in the past many times you make me wedding soup surf and turf and a creme brule and then you just fuck off and i don't get to eat or a chocolate chip cookie and it's someone's 50th birthday right exactly yes so you should stay up all night and if i want nachos in two hours you're going to

get up and make them i and i think that on real yachts not just like chartered below deck yachts you could probably get a chef up and it's just at your discretion like are you a a russian oligarch who just does not see people who don't have as much money as you as actual people i don't know but they're not very clear about this when you get on the vessel um all right so most boats this size uh we've learned have sous chefs right so kizzy and josh chat a little bit and josh says some bizarre thing about how he loves to push the limits push his limits. And she said, I bet you'd be good in bed.

What is this throwaway line? And I don't mean to be insulting to Josh, but there is no way that Jizzy is going to have sex with Josh, okay? And I'm not even, I don't even, Jizzy's not an, an otherworldly beauty or anything like that, but she's just, there's no, there's no point in telling someone that you have no intention of sleeping with

that they would be good in bed. That is just a cast. Unless you'd like them. to be like your at your beck and call because they think they have a shot it's so gross all right let's get to jack wanting to go into the ocean he says i'm tired of this hot hot water i'm a spoiled little brat i want to go in the ocean because he wants to and he's going to make it happen now they have made this very very clear you are not going to go in the ocean the water's too choppy and it's very dangerous but christian is a tattoo and he says i got no problem if you want to put your

feed in now i see both sides of this had christian not been an absolute fuck up for the first three days of this season you'd have to give him some uh graze here he wants to make the charter guests happy it is he's standing over him this is the problem if there was a ledge with railing that you could just put your feet in that's okay still no but that's okay good point tattooed is so useless that he goes, well, let's just see if you can put your feet in. This is a spoiled child who is blackout drunk, who is going to attempt to put his feet in the ocean via an inflatable deck that is difficult to balance on when you're sober. So that's not going to work, right, tattoo?

He's going to fall in and die. He's going to get mauled by grizzly bear down there and V's going to be traumatized all over again. You're never going to believe what happened at Jack. Don't tell me he got balled by grizzly bear. He got mauled by five. I don't even know where they came from. We're in Barcelona. So let's get to the next morning.

The guest go to bed, Christian. Well, at the end of all of it, Christian says, I don't know what the big deal is. I would call it a successful night. Did you already mention that Christian had seen it while he was getting a glass water on the screen and then ran out there? Nathan did. Nathan sees it on screen and sees that Christian has not only allowed this drunk

to go out on that giant fucking. an inflatable, doc, but when he falls in, Christian is spraying the water with a hose. He's not even trying to help him. So next morning. Next morning. Let's get ready to haul the anchor. Poor Christian's going to be in so much trouble, one of the guests says. And this child doesn't even care.

He's just sitting there eating breakfast. And this is how you can tell that his friends aren't losers. They have empathy for the concept. of this feudal king's whims, right? He does not care, but the other people are like, this guy's going to get fired. Little do they know, he should get fired immediately. He's a danger to everybody on this boat.

But Jack wants to give V some tidbits on how to pack his stuff. We see the state of this room. It's a beautiful room, and it is a pig, a pigsty. yeah okay all of this luggage is an insurmountable task now kersha uh kermit says that v is incredible and she's as good as chat gpt so she says chat chat gpv she's worried about uh like intelligence oh i mean we all should be well uh kailan's daddy one of those robots tried to kill him during an entire movie then yeah yeah yeah and what happened did he just avoid it the entire time what happens in terminator one does your dad and arnold are they like hey

it's okay, and then they, like, kind of like shake hands. Yeah, that's how Terminator ends. No, he, uh, his dad dies, I think, and he, uh, turns Arnold Schwarzenegger into the actual robot because he burns all his skin off. And then Sarah Connor, uh, convinces the robot to follow her in some weird grinding mill. It's odd how movies used to end in the 80s. They're like, there's so many mills in the 80s. Lots of mills.

Yeah. I feel like everybody, like there were lots of chains and mills. Chains. Yeah. Fire. Die hard. By the way, why is this lava in here? Are you guys like melting?

So much lava. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. But what does happen at the end of Terminator? I feel like I've only seen Terminator 2. How do they make Arnold nice? He comes back as a robot to protect John Connor in the second one.

How do they get him to be nice, though? John Connor captures him in the future and reprograms him. Oh, okay. Way to go, John Connor. And your dad's John Connor? No. No. Okay. He's John Connor's dad.

And he dies. So technically Kalen's John Connor. How does he die? He technically blows himself up. Why does he do that? He sticks a pipe bomb into an opening in the Terminator and it blows him down a flight of stairs. Oh, sacrifice. Yeah.

Okay, got it. Okay. All right. Well, this episode's been three hours long. So let's get to Tessa, who has been sleeping. the entire day. Now, I don't know if she's supposed to be sleeping. I have an inkling that she's supposed to have gotten up at least hours ago,

but she's sleeping. And before we get to the docking, Tommy calls. Oh, yeah. The boyfriend of two months, which is not really a boyfriend. No. And he says, hey, babe, miss you loads. Now, I don't need to dawn that Tom Likas cap, but if you're trying to court a love addict,

pull away. That's right, dear. Do not overwhelm them with your love. You have to pull away. I, um, uh, well, I'll say this, dear. Uh, when you're ready to chat and hang out and have a real relationship, you give me a call, dear. Otherwise, uh, go have fun. This is, this is how you make a love addict fall in love with you again and again and again.

You ask them this question, what's your name? okay not i love you i mean Tommy what are you doing definitely don't do that dear yeah all right so um she does not say i love you back and she's going to cheat on you Tommy that's right she's probably going to break up with you on a technicality so that she can cheat on you but that's not even a technicality that's just her not cheating on you okay so um we get to the second docking test needs heaving lines i get it those ropes look heavy to me too that was explained away it's not okay but the docking doesn't go well um once again i don't know how this is legitimately legal to have these people on this boat like there's some kind of certification that you need to have before you can be on these

vessels not only can you do catastrophic financial damage to people but you can do bodily harm to people and we've seen it before yep ashton almost lost the leg uh gary on sailing they ran the ship of ground on a bunch of rocks i'm sure that costs a lot of money yeah captain sandy a couple seasons go, the whatever those... Stabilizers. Stabilizers, they weren't working, almost tipped the fucking boat over.

Yeah. They'll get people killed here. Yeah. So, anyways, the guests leave, and we gather for a tip meeting. And I'm thinking this slutty little slut better have tipped well.

Mm-hmm. He did. It's middle of the road. It was a good tip. It was 20 grand American. And this is Sandy's feedback for the crew. She says, Interior,

you guys killed it. Deckies, you nearly killed people. Right. Okay. 1650 each. Yep. And then she pulls Nathan up to the crow's nest and goes. Who are you going to kill? Yeah.

I mean, she became Alan coming in this moment. It was like, you've got two choices, which one? And it has to be test, right? No, I think it's going to be Christian. No way. You can't. he defied in direct order of safety to not let that person get near the water we'll see next

episode jump in the comments let us know who do you think is going to get fired what's your favorite food do beans hurt your stomach i'm dylan saying goodbye pat say goodbye kately yeah No