Another Below Deck Podcast - There Are No Dolphins Doute | The Valley S2 E12

Episode Date: July 4, 2025

Dylan, Pat and Ruby are back to break down swimming, fishing, dolphins, stepping over the line, Maui, Santa Clarita and more from Bravo's The Valley.Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkLumieLabs.com CODE Bad TV PET PAINTINGS! https://www.averilburner.com/

Yes, you do. You never admit to that dear. They'll never know. It's so hot. It's so hot. Aaron says no, there wasn't a physical or emotional cheating while they were still married, then proceeds to lay out their schedule where they hung out about 84 times. and then there was also this time where she I didn't ask her this but she was stuck my dick in the car but no I wouldn't I wouldn't say that ridiculous question actually I'm alright, everything is alright. I'm alright, everything is alright. Yeah baby, um Dylan. Pat. There we go. Ruby. One more, there we go baby. I one more. There we go, baby.

I'm all right. Pat, go ahead. I'm curious about Jax and how much he was paid for this season. If we eliminate the look backs, footage of him looking back on past things he did, he's been on this show on camera. Twelve and a half minutes. Total total. I'm all right.

He's all right if he's taking a full pay for this. I want to be on reality TV like this. My show, my show. Not for the last 30 days, it wasn't. I think Bravo is so skilled of getting in trouble for keeping an abusive cocaine addict on their screen that they probably paid him the full thing. And then they were like, just go away. And he said, okay. What are you scared of Jax Taylor for? I know that he's got lawyers that can file all the

paperwork, but if there was anybody, I would, you know how like we're going to make people like sign up for things every six months. We're not going to into politics or anything, but like if you needed to assign somebody clerical work to get something over the line, the person I know who would fail the most is me in second place. But then for sure, Jack's Taylor, like this guy. I might be there too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But listen, everything's all right. We're here to talk about the Valley. The Valley is sweet tonight. The Valley is heartful tonight. about the valley the valley is sweet tonight the valley is heartful tonight.

I mean, Lucas, his Grammy was about to roll a seven Kristen dowdy. She didn't seem like she gave a shit. And and and can you blame her? I mean, what there she's an old person. I go, what? That's true. What are we talking about? Yeah, we're not talking about an 18 year old with them. Talking about someone wearing a diaper that forgets your name. You know, a kid at my alma mater Campbell Hall just got pinned in between two cars in a carpool. 15 years old died. That's a

Campbell Hall. Yeah. Oh, this was last week. God God Ellie's doing camp there this week cheerleading camp. It's so sad So sad now that's a tragedy Luke's grandma. She's pissing her pants all the time now. Listen, we hate to see her go but I Yeah so sweet episode tonight, I would say join us to patreon.com session of the podcast network for two dads one heart and patreon.com session of the podcast network for two dads, one heart and a PS based with crimes. Hey, where are we putting Real Housewives of Orange County? Is that going to be on the free feed? I think it probably should be.

Or what do we do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. My county, Orange County, free Miami Patreon, Miami Patreon. OK, and we'll we'll kick that up next week, guys. You're going to really enjoy it. It's so good. Larissa Pippen. Hey, who's gross or Larissa Pippen or Janet? You know, tough call. Yeah. I think that I look at Larissa and I think she looks like every part of her is in pain because it's so full. Oh yeah. Yeah. I saw before and after today. It was pretty crazy of her.

Wild. Yeah. You know, a whoopee cushion where you're like, well, we don't need this. We don't need it to sound like an explosion. Like take some air out. That's what Larsa Pippen's entire being is. But anyways, five stars kind words. I'm going to get into my rotten hells and or bumps right now. If that's okay, can I get a yeas or nays? Yeah. Okay, great. Phew, wow.

That's a relief. Okay, so listen, this episode was very sweet. It was very heartful. Lot of sweet stuff and a lot of annoying stuff so so Zach did uh Zach did a big boy good job thing um I'm sure there was a lot of stuff that went into it but to see Zach love that he was doing something this elaborate for Kristen was uh uh it was tough it was tough. It was tough to watch. And case in point, I have to add to my list of problems, Jesse, what? How? How's that a list of probably you have to tell Jesse what's going on? How's that a problem? Anyways, we'll get into it. We'll get into it.

I'm shocked you didn't say who gives a shit. But also, we have had Jax black hole the front half of this season. And him versus Janet is a little bit like two black holes fighting against one another. Now that Jax is swimming in a pool with Cruz after seven days of not seeing him, well really 37 days of not seeing him, Janet has all of the sandbox to be as disgusting as humanly possible. The monologue or scene wherein she was hungry and she just wanted to get to dinner and tomorrow was TBD made me want to throw up. She is so gross. 99 rotten heels. Oh, wow. That's a high score.

I want to jump off one of your thoughts, Dylan, which is Janet is extremely unlikable. We call that in the husband business when your wife is behaving this way, hangry. Yeah. She's unlikable. What business did you call her? As a husband. The wife unlikable. What business did you call him? As a husband.

The wife gets angry. I experienced a Janet every once a while in my kitchen. Okay. So. And let's pause for, let's pause for, let's hold space to grow as men. Ruby, do you have any problems with what Patrick said? I, yeah, Pat's being too understanding

and Pat's being a little bitch, okay? What Janet is doing to her husband when she looked at poor, poor Jason, who was like, can we just like stop? I took fucking time off work, I wanna be in Hawaii. And when she looked at him and she was like, maybe you should go to there. I would, I'm Jason, I say, good idea, Britt, you ready?

And I say, bye bitch, and I leave. And then we're divorced, and that's that. Yeah, and then while I'm going down, while I'm going down with Brittany, I go, who'd you use to get those papers so quickly? Because I need their business card. Go ahead, Pat. Oh, what was I gonna say? I forgot my thought.

Anyway, oh, oh yeah, I know what I was gonna say. All right, so I don't like a lot of people on this show. It's missing a sniper, a likable sniper. It's like the first couple seasons of Real Housewives in New York where Bethany filled that hole. Like just snipe at the right moment to give these people what

they deserve. There is, Jesse's unlikable. I think Michelle is unlikable. I can't stand Blinky. Aaron, he was on something this episode. Jax is clearly a monster. Yeah, to equate it to Real Housewives again, it's like we have a cast of Avivas. Just Avivas all over the place. I mean, the self-important nature of these people, the fact that Zack and Janet are having a Manhattan Project conference call about whether or not she's going to get... Hey, I have a question. Who fucking gives this shit? Put the t-shirt on, don't put the t-shirt on. Come to dinner. We don't need to do minutes on this. Right. I'm not going to fully evaluate the season yet. I think we have two more episodes left and then a reunion. But I am going to deem this season as a what's referred to in the business as a sophomore slump.

They need some casting, some younger couples for next season. Maybe get rid of a couple couples. And revamp a little bit. Did you guys hear that they just, Dylan, you're not watching the show. Next Generation New York, they're casting for Next Generation Los Angeles. Won't work. It won't work.

I don't know what they're gonna, what are they just gonna go to Barney's Beanery, ironically, for an entire season? What's gonna happen? Well, Dylan, I'll tell you, they already tried this. It was called Rich Kids. And I think it ran like two or three seasons on the E network.

So we are- Oh yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to the South, find a very, very, very rich suburb of like, I don't know, like Dallas or Nass. I don't know, I don't know the South. So go there, there's money and there's people who are reprehensible, just like in New York. And there aren't as many people there who have dreams of being on TV, you know, so

Mm hmm. One reason to watch the show, Brooks mother who you know is Meredith and their dad, Seth, they are insufferable. Like you want to reach into the screen and strangle them. Meredith or Brooks? to reach into the screen and strangle them. Meredith or Brooks? Meredith, she fancies herself a DJ and watching her DJ is fucking hilarious.

Ruby, do you agree? I love to know that Meredith, that Kyle, that we have all of these beautiful people who are adding nothing but joking non-seriousness to the field of disc jockeying because that's exactly what it deserves when people do it this way, you know? No, no, no. Well, there are some talented folks out there on the ones and twos. Beautiful talented folks on the ones and twos, but when you do it this way, when you emerge and in your 40s to 80s say, this looks really fucking cool. And then you boopy boop around on like what logic I don't know what the kids are on. You

don't you're not right. Meredith get out of Times Square. Stop jumping around in your gold suit. It's scaring people. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Well, Avicii is dead. So listen, we have to move on because Pat has to go to one of the worst places in America. No, not every night, Dylan. The go-gos aren't performing tonight. It's a real band called Earth, Wind and Fire. OK, I don't know if you've heard of them, but they have like 80 hits. It's one of Elliot's favorite bands. We're taking her to the Hollywood Bowl for the first time.

My wife reminded me today through text. This is where it all began. It was my wife's and I's first date there. She started moving her little hand over towards my hand to hold hands. It wasn't even a penis. I thought it was later that night. That was later that night. And what is third base butt play for the now it is. Yeah, it is. Yeah. Yeah, it's putting your fist in someone's ass and now people are peeing on each other I mean, it's crazy. Third base now is like freaking peeing in somebody's shit or nowadays. I mean, it's fucking crazy Yeah, I miss our generation, you know, yeah. Okay. I liked this episode I don't normally they end on a note like this I don't know how they're gonna wrap the season up, but I

You know our generation, you know first base was a skip down the street to Buddy Holly. You know what I mean? It's crazy. Yeah now it's open up and say ah Okay, I'm 14 rotten hells. Okay Ruby. All right. Um, I think that This episode sucked. Okay. I don't like, I don't like the people like Pat said, there's no, there's no good sniper, no sniping. Let me rephrase. Janet is unlikable, but for some reason she isn't unlikable enough, but she is, but she, she's not doing it for me on the screen. It doesn't translate. We all hate her. And that's what you guys always say.

We need someone to hate, but she doesn't unify enough. It's quiet, quiet venom is uninteresting venom. Dylan, wow. Very, very beautifully put. I think that sums it up perfectly. I was underwhelmed by this. I thought that whatever, Kristen and Luke are cute. Fine. I hope you guys have a lovely time with your family for the rest of your lives.

I hope grandma lives forever, Luke. Well, yeah. And again, maybe I'll be lucky enough to lose our grandparents in our late thirties or forties. grandparents in our late 30s. Yeah, or 40s. Maybe that's that's a blessing. That's a blessing. Yeah, as people who they kicked it when we were fucking eight. Yeah, you guys are going to be okay, Luke. And I'm very sorry that that was the case. Enough. Benji. No more. Okay. And Michelle and Erin are not likable. Brittany, rising on the scale. It's a little crescent moon. And she's when, when he called her and he said, I have a surprise. And she said, Oh, my God, is Jack's hair? Like, she, there's nothing. She's so sweet. Yeah, she's just a sweetheart. Or is that sarcastic?

No, I think Brittany's sweet. I think she's a dumbass that married Jack Taylor and it's just a dumbass generally. I mean, I shouldn't say that there's no need to say that Brittany is really, really nice and really sweet. But when you ingest as many beans and corn as she does, it takes away from your facilities. beans and corn as she does it takes away from your facilities. Maybe and her tits are in her face. I mean, her face she can't breathe. Can I say something really quickly? Her tits are stupid.

If you were on the Titanic, that's what I would have grabbed on to Pat and she would have held you she wouldn't even she wouldn't have felt you there hurt her breasts are the stupidest thing about her. Yeah, her tits are so stupid. And let me reiterate, I love Brittany. Brittany is my favorite person on the show.

I really do think she's a sweetheart, a great, great mom and great mom. And one of one of the truly only only beacons of life and goodness on the show. How many rotten hells, Ruby? Hmm, 31. 31 rotten hells. That's pretty okay. Hey, before we begin the recap, we've got two ad reads, so I'll just knock one out of the way right here.

avrilburner.com. This artist, this barnacle that came out from nowhere maybe from heaven Are we doing ads for her? I thought it was just like thank you. Okay, it's a big. Thank you I wanted to make sure she got some business. Yeah, go to Avril Burner calm because she creates custom one-off acrylic pet portraits Dylan. I'm staring at yours right now You're gonna love this one of dog. Did mine come? Yeah. Oh So excited I have to keep it away from quitting because he's obsessed with it. It looks so beautiful My wife saw the one of Jackie that Averill did of Jackie. She's like we're gonna put it on this wall over here

In fact, we might hire her to do the other dogs even the dead ones. Okay, it's gonna be a wonderful memorial So it's a great gift for yourself or your loved one If you're one of those jackoffs. That's a little bit like the halls of the Roman aristocracy, you know, like you have all these visages of the dead relatives, you know, you guys can have a hallway of all the mutts that you've led into your house to kick shit, you know? Yeah, it's like a memorial, though, more like a memorial. So if you're one of those jackoffs that decide to raise an alligator in your bathtub or something like that? You want to capture Alex the alligator and memorialize him before he escapes and ultimately

eats your other pets and then you have Oh, yeah. death roll. They do death rolls. So scary. You get a portrait of Alex the alligator and the way you do it is you hit up avrilburner.com. Okay, moving on. Do you actually Pat, I'm not joking. Is that a V R I l B U R? And er is spelled a V er. I l Yeah, that's right. And er il burner.com. There you go. It's in the description. Thank you,

Averill. I'm so excited to see the picture. So let's get into it. description. Thank you, Averill. I'm so excited to see the picture dot. So let's get into it. Um, set us up here. I can set it up. Yeah, I mean, set us up with telling Luke to calm down. Well, it's a beautiful setting for dinner, as Nia explains. And it's unlike Santa Clarita, which that little drunk of a husband will ultimately drag her to. And she'll live there for a while until she runs into a former NFL player that's seen her on TV

and saves her from that burning hell. I would say that the majority of people if if presented with a picture of Simi Valley versus Maui it would probably say that Maui is more beautiful now you you could have a stray in the sample size, somebody that really loves rocks and dry heat and hypodermic needles that have been used by people with diseases. And they would go, you know what, that's my kind of jam. And you would go, all right, well, thank you. And then after that, you'd have to have a conversation like, do count this in the test we count this in the study or we're just going to completely eliminate that but um anyways you sold the hell out of santa clarita what are you part of the uh

chamber of commerce over there jesus christ i volunteer i volunteer it's an unpaid position i do because i love it well meanwhile luke Luke is dragging his feet because he's too upset to join dinner. Apparently, his Grammy, as Dylan reminded us, is about to be a maker. And Chris isn't happy about this because filming a reality show is definitely way more important than being with a loved one that's about to roll a seven. Well, I mean, depending.

I mean, if you're getting paid to do something and you get a 95-year-old who's calling people by names that are not their names and speaking to people that aren't there, then I'd say, yeah, I mean, get this over with. Here's the rule when it's time to go. When relatives walk into your house and it smells, it's time to go. And I just want to give her some more kudos. Yeah. Larsa Pippen sitting in that van with Lisa, who's like, Larsa, my father is dying right now. And she just says, why are you here? You shouldn't be here.

That's you're right. And Luke, I don't know that that's necessarily true for you because again, you're 38 or something and it's your grandmother and you're trying to propose to your girlfriend. Timing couldn't be worse. That being said, he's freaking the fuck freaking out. And you know, you know, you know what they say, you know, we make plans and God laughs. But I would I would like to go back to Patrick's kind of cutoff. And it's not that when the house smells, it's when the house smells because of you, right? Now, there are deteriorating

factors, right? So you can't care for the animals anymore. Now that's, you know, we know we're on our way. We know we're on our way. But if you have checked all the boxes, and there's just a scent of death that's radiating from inside and through osmosis into the domicile. That's when you know, Whoa, Whoa, time to put Grammy down. Yeah. So, uh, Jesse orders a Casamigos Blanco, skinny margarita with ice, uh, or with salt. Um, not a bonkers drink order, but Jesse orders it like a piece of shit. And then Janet orders, uh, sake, which was very confusing to me, but I orders it like a piece of shit. And then Janet orders sake, which was very confusing to me, but I guess it is like a Japanese restaurant.

Um, I hate everybody. Now, don't I'm glad you, I'm glad you touched on that because if you have three specific alterations or requests during a cocktail order, you're a douchebag. Yeah. Yep. Okay. You're not fucking James Bond by the way, personal story. I'll make it very brief. Dylan's heard it. My wife's best friend from high school got married on the day her dad died. She asked her husband, please. My dad's dying. Let's postpone this. He refused because it would cost too much money. Dad died at 10 a.m. The entire family is gathered for their nuptials at 5 p.m. Eight hours later. I think I did the math wrong there. What's the worst? They've only been married a year. There's still time. Um, against him. Yes. So Kristen eventually gets down. She orders a twisted tea. I'm sorry. The

drink orders were very confusing. Um, but, uh,. But you know, there's this thing where Kristen, Kristen wants Janet to acknowledge that she's, she's speaking behind people's backs and that she stirs stirs the pot. You know, it's always painful when you see the things you hate the most about yourself and others. So hard. I hate it so much. It's really difficult. I know. It sucks. It sucks. Yeah. But yeah, I didn't know if she was talking about herself or Janet there.

What we do a bounce back to Los Angeles or the San Fernando Valley where Jax is having a playdate with Cruz. Now I want to point out to the audience that the story producer for this season should be fired because I thought she was just about to get a restraining order against this piece of shit. Now she's letting a nanny oversee a visitation. None of it makes any sense. Zulie.

Yes, this is completely fucked out. Do you guys agree? I mean, it doesn't make any sense. No, it is fucked out. It is fucked up. And it is it him going to Cyclarity and Brittany having the nanny mediate the visitation hours is exactly what I would expect from the two of them. Yeah, well, listen, there's trouble in paradise. Jesse sits down with honeybee. And this is his conversation. Are we we're there, right? We're not there. Let's let's just say a couple

bullet points here. Okay. At dinner, Danny checks in on Luke and he tells us this is Danny that Luke is nervous about that proposal. Apparently, he's not close enough with Luke to understand that it's not about the proposal, it's that Grammy is probably not going to be at the next bingo night on the account of she's dead. And then meanwhile, Nia and Kristen have a chuckle over what a horrible person Janet is, and then there's a toast to friends and getting each other's backs, which is hilarious. Also at dinner we hear Aaron share with Janet and Jason that Jesse is much worse off camera and calls him childish and then Jesse makes maybe a horrible person.

But Aaron doesn't blink. And that weirds the hell out of Patty. Yeah. And just going back really quickly, it's sad that Grammy is not going to be at the bingo hall for the rest of the people in the bingo hall, because when you're playing bingo, it's a game that is random. It's a game of chance, right? So if you can eliminate people, um, it's always advantageous because what Luke's

grandma is going to do in the bingo hall next year is, you know, they'll call out a number and she'll really have no idea what's going on. So she'll kind of just lean into the table with the blotter. And if you look over, I mean, it'll be a Jackson Pollock a paint everywhere, you know what I mean? I love she won't be beating you. No, no, I love to play against people like that. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's like fish in a barrel. So Jesse sits down with honeybee. And Aaron is, I think, on toad venom or something.

He is. Something. So fucked up. By the way, I do want to get this out there because the listeners, sometimes they'll hear, oh, Patty, give a thought, and then they don't realize it, and then they go back and check, and they're like, oh my God, Patty's a genius.

Look at the tape of the entire conversation between Jesse and Aaron. Aaron blinks a total of two times. Okay, two times. So, um he's not really, we definitely, we know that Aaron can see um but I, evidently, he can't talk. Uh he behaves like, you know, we we often allude to people who are in bamboo cages being poked and prodded. He behaves. Dylan, my notes say Aaron acts like a motherfucking POW. Okay,

that's what he acts like. Yeah, I mean, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. And also know no, it's fine. Invisible toothpicks in his eyes, you know, to keep them open, but they're invisible. They did that to him over there, Pat. He can't help it. All right. Clockwork, honey. Now, listen, he is, he does have the energy of Claredanes in the latter stages of Homeland. He's absolutely cold, just absolutely absolutely crazy and he can't close his eyes but Jesse sits with him and Jesse starts with a big haymaker. And good on Jesse because I would have killed Aaron for doing this metaphorically, meaning like I would have been

angry and maybe punched but don't post pictures of my daughter on Father's Day ever with you. Don't ever do that. Clearly a move by Michelle to fuck with Jesse. That's why I'm saying she's also a horrible person. By the way, to be to be fair, this gripe was legitimate. Yeah, then we then we move on to gripe number two, in my opinion, also fair. The question, were you banging my wife while I was still married to her? And what does Tom like to say tonight? Oh tell you that? That's right dear. Yes you do. You never admit

to that dear. They'll never know. It's so hot. It's so hot. Aaron says no there wasn't a physical or emotional cheating while they were still married. Then proceeds to lay out their schedule where they hung out about 84 times while she was still married to Jesse. So we met for coffee and she came to run in and then there was also this time where she I didn't ask her this but she was stuck my dick in the car. But no, I wouldn't I wouldn't say that ridiculous question actually. They went away together. I think Michelle was like, I have to go on a business trip, even though her and Jesse have the same business and her and Erin would like go stay at the Mondrian. I don't know where that is, but that's what they would do.

I think that they were having a full blown entire relationship and affair. And the thing is, and I hate cheaters more than I hate most people. I don't give a shit because Jesse is such a reprehensible piece of fucking fuck. I hate, I don't like Michelle either, but when he sits down with Erin and I,

the only person I really do feel bad for is Isabella because she will watch this one day and her father will sit there like an arrogant little prick man and do this on TV and it exists forever Isabella and I'm so sorry. Well, you may tell her you're now your stepdad Aaron, your mommy and me we actually were friends the entire time and this was a payday. Oh yeah, that might work.

But listen, we get to the next morning. Next morning, we find out that Luke snorted wasabi started crying then started walking around the hotel in his underwear. Danny says I can empathize with him. I can't calm down. Yeah, I hope he got into that fraternity that he was pledging for your fucking drunk. Did you guys feel the night before you proposed? Were you walking around hotels in your underwear? I was a little jittery. It was exciting. But also, definitely can't empathize with this.

Hey, hey, hey, buddy. Calm down. I didn't think about it at all before I proposed. And I'm so happy that Jesse took his soon-to-be engaged wife out on a fishing trip to ask for her hand in marriage. Because it's right up there with me asking my wife to get me oil at the local gas station and meet me up on Mulholland.

Yeah, no, I mean, people have heard me tell the story, but you know, I went on a fishing trip one time at six o'clock in the morning after an evening wherein I had done a fair amount of cocaine and witnessed fishermen throw rocks at sea lions and hit them in the head. I walked, I sailed past bait hatcheries wherein anchovies were hauled up to their death. Many of them stuck their gills in the net, just birds circling, smelling of shit, fucking avian feces. It's all fucking disgusting.

I don't like fishing at all. Me neither. I don't even like fish. Me neither. Freaking stinks, dude. Everything about it. So where are we? Oh, we're hanging by the pool. Aaron wants to know how dinner at El Coyotes went sideways. Jenin mentions that Jenna was around and it's all Christian's fault or something. I don't know what the fuck you're saying. Oh, and then meanwhile, Zach struggles to keep that proposal secret, but he loves that he's been tasked to help with the proceedings. It really gave him purpose. Yeah, definitely. Definitely.

This is the kind of person that you like to have in your life because you're like, hey, I'm going to tap on you for this and you're going to do it exactly how I tell you to because it's the most important thing that you feel like you've ever done in your life because you're like, hey, I'm gonna tap on you for this and you're gonna do it exactly how I tell you to because it's the most important thing that you feel like you've ever done in your life. So thank you, Zach. But also shut up and chill because you're gonna have a heart attack. Yeah, Zach, just walking around the San Fernando Valley

with nothing to gossip about or no party to plan is a little bit like a border collie without a hula hoop to jump through. And you can go a little stir crazy. Take some years off your life. But yeah, we once again have Janet saying that she wants Kristen to start owning her ship and stop gossiping behind people's backs. I mean, it's amazing these two mirror image, but Zach, Benji and Jesse Jesse. Zach takes umbrage with the way that Luke and Kristen have left their room later on in the episode. Looking around this room right now,

the presidential suite, listen, it looks like Luke's grandma's house. I mean, it's absolutely disgusting. Okay. I agree. We should do a meanwhile, I guess, which is meanwhile, Jax is back at that pool with his son. And Jax does the interview thing or whatever,

the OTFs or whatever. He's extremely congested. And I've mentioned this many times before. It's a congestion is a side effect of cocaine use. Most dealers put Sudafed to mix it in with cocaine to increase the amount of product. It's like the filler that McDonald's put in most of the hamburgers, except the stuff that they put in Jack's is it makes you punch things. Yeah, no, it's a good amount of whey protein

that they put in the meat there. But what I will say is, stuffy nose could be a indication that you have allergies. All the time? If you have just had a very unsuccessful stint at cyclarity, it's usually an indication that you've been doing a lot of cocaine. Yeah.

Well, on the final note in Jack's appearance on this particular episode, he says something really sweet. He says, my son is my medicine. If I could only snort him. Yeah. Yeah. I thought that was weird. You can't. It was weird.

And you know what? You can't snort him, Jax, but you can see him. You can hang out with him, but you chose to neither snort nor see. And that's a shame. Yeah, I didn't know how I felt about that. Like, you know, obviously, yeah. You know, your child can be your medicine. But when you're a violent drug addict, who's hurling chairs at the child's

mom, maybe you framing the child as medicine is not the best way to go. How about when you don't see the child for seven days after you have completed your unsuccessful stint, you the child maybe not is. Yeah, yeah, it's like, it's like having a cold and going to after you have completed your unsuccessful stint, the child maybe not is innocent maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like having a cold and going to work and someone's like, do you want some Dayquil?

And you're like, not for seven days. I gotta get a haircut. All right, Pat, take it away. Okay, a little Tai Chi in the morning or a hula dancing practice. I don't know what the fuck that was. Jesse realizes he needs to be a nice person to Aaron because his daughter tells him she loves him, that being Aaron, which is fucking weird.

Great parenting all around. And then they chat about a concussion caused by a hockey stick, I guess. And it was an incident that set Jesse and Michelle on a trajectory of marriage, love, lots of fun times, and eventually hatred. And then Jesse- It was really, it was sweet what Isabel said. She did say, I love Aaron, despite the way that he throws.

And it was big for her to use the word despite because she's so young, and to recognize that the way he throws is not okay. It's just not. But it's only the second thing that weirds her the fuck out. It's the fact that he doesn't blink clearly. Jesse takes a dig at Aaron all in good fun because he was banging his wife and now he won't call his ex-wife a filthy cheating whore in exchange from Aaron to have better

communication with him. Yeah. I truly believe these people have already hashed all this out. I don't think Jesse gives a flying fuck that Michelle was going out doing whatever. And by the way, Jesse, where's this girlfriend that you touted the first two episodes? She's turned into the invisible woman. She's underneath David Hasselhoff right now. He's dropping little bits of lettuce from the burger that he's eating on her forehead. The amount of conversations that they must have had before this took place, it like, or okay, and this is a horrible thing to say.

Honeybee is young enough, he should abandon this. This man is a sociopath. This man is going to be in your life if you pick this family for forever because of this lovely little girl, abandon this. I don't think you like Michelle that much. And if you do, trust me, LA is a big city. There's bajillions of people.

Find somebody else that doesn't have an actual he's an awful, horrifically unpredictable, narcissistic piece of shit. You know, the master do that. The masts are on fire. We've got to jump off this boat. Because even if we let's say we survive, we can't even catch the wind. So we got a We can't even catch the wind. So we got a die of dehydration. Honeybee. Come on. Yeah. Honeybee. Go ahead, Pat. Well, I guess we're going to head out on that, that fishing trip. And, but before they leave the dock, they observed nature. It's a two stingrays banging

each other. And, uh, I speak stingray somehow, or I could just like, kind of telepathically understand what was taking place. The reason the male stingray got some action is because he told the girl stingray that he was the one that killed Steve Irwin. He said, I stabbed that bastard. He kept grabbing my fucking tail and I said, Steve, leave me alone. And then he wouldn't. And I had to kill the motherfucker. He told me. Yeah. And that's how it happened. She was like, didn't that happen in Australia? And he was like, well, you know, I've, I've, I've been to a lot of places. And really, you swam that far. The way that the way that Harry Potter heard parcel tongue from the snakes. And then he'd

look around and be like, did you guys fucking hear that? That's crazy. Everyone's like, what's crazy? He's like, he came here from Australia. No one else hears them, you know, and it's a good thing. Yeah. It's cool because Harry Potter could speak the language of the biblical metaphor that is the snake, right? A very, very important symbol in Western civilization. And I think all over the place,

but Pat, that speaks stingray. Yeah, I see, you know, that was a pretty trippy, pretty trippy premise. And that's because I was too high, you know, and I want to feel good and relaxed. And that's why I've turned to this wonderful company called Lumi. Now most edibles get you way too high. But Lumi gummies always make people feel just right. Consistent, mellow and super delicious. Lumi gummies are specifically designed to make you Consistent, mellow, and super delicious, Loomy gummies are specifically designed

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everything has changed in your life. And I was able to relax and get a good night's sleep. Yeah. Yeah, no, no, no. Lumie is an incredible company. Yeah. Lumie gummies are available nationwide. Go to lumiegummies.com. That's lumiegummies.com. Use use the promo code bad TV and get this all you non stoners out there 30% off on the order that again once again, that's loomy gummies calm and use the promo code bad TV

All right back to this horrible show Where are we? Where are we? Dylan just took off his shirt on the boat. Luke lays out the plan. Meanwhile, Kristen is getting seasick. I think she has to sit down on. Oh, she sat down on the ring. What a dummy.

Put that ring in your sock or in your boobs. Like I can't hear Dylan. Dylan, you might have like when you took his shirt off, you might have hit a button or something. Well, what boobs would he put that in, Pat? Because he doesn't have, right? It's great point. It's great point. We can't hear you, though.

Do women still do that? Ruby, you have any New Yorker friends that like you're out for a night of clubbing and then someone puts a pack of smokes in their breast area? It's pretty trash. Sadly, no, I just don't think that anybody's tits are that big anymore because everybody's on a Zempik. Oh, wow. Is that sad?

You know, I always heard the first place you lose fat or like bloat is in your toes. Whoa, really? Yeah. If anyone's a doctor, could you let us know if that's true or not? We have a lot of doctors that are friends. Dylan, do you want us to stop the show

for you to figure this out, or can we continue? No, I just got it. I got it. I got it. Oh, wow. There you go. OK. I got it.

I got it. Well, it's time to take a picture of the couples. They trick Kristen into seeing a pod of dolphins that don't exist. And Luke gets down on one D and proposes. And Kristen says yes. And she says that he's her ride or die. This is a really sweet moment. I actually thought that it was

really cute that that Luke was, you know, Luke was doing everything he could to make sure that Kristen looked the way she would have wanted to look and she was doing everything she could to make that not happen. It was it was like, it was like an avid and Costello of love, you know, it was so, so cute. And I'm so happy for them. Luke's weird, and calm down. But I'm happy for them. It's it's interesting how we find people later on in our lives that become our,

our soul mates that we wouldn't even have given a second look, uh, in our twenties. Yeah. Luke is definitely a guy that would have walked by Kristen Doty at sir, 8 million times and she would have never even noticed him. Not once. And you know, I'm going to need one of those because, you know, Ruby has been texting me and see it's really, really sweet things about how our love is a very good model for a

marriage and just two people that love each other. And I texted Ruby, we're actually getting a divorce. So yeah, yeah, I got a good lawyer for you, though. Do you really? Yeah, I'm going to be using him. Okay, because I'm gonna need them. It's Brittany's lawyer. Me and Pat, me and Pat are going to start the two, two single dads, one heart podcast and Brittany's the heart.

Yeah. Brittany's the heart. Uh, well, Zach and Jesse worked to move out. Hello y'all. Welcome to my podcast. Two stupid tits. Here on TST, we talk all things single moms. Okay, I'm in. Actually, I'll help destroy that podcast on PMZ. Zach tells Jesse Lucas proposing and I was shocked he didn't say who gives a fuck. He instead suggests they buy 5000 roses.

He was slurring his voice to be fair. I was shocked he didn't say who gives a fuck. He instead suggests they buy 5,000 roses. He was slurring his voice to be fair. And then Zach is suspect because Jesse is poor and he's also a drunk and his voice is slurring. I already said that. And then Jasmine and her lovely girlfriend who I forgot her name. What's her name? Hey, hey, hey.

Hey. You guys gotta go. Hey, you guys got to go. What you do less than Benji. Hmm. Jasmine. Sorry, but what is Jasmine doing here? Can I tell you, as a casting person of a reality TV show, I think Jasmine was meant to be the Bethany, Bethany Frankel type of character to just throw those jabs out there. And I don't think she has it in

her. No, she does not. No, she is bad on TV. Let me tell you something to not do to someone that you're dating when Melissa was like, it's actually a double engagement. This little glimmer was like, stop white. Oh my God. Yeah. Like you wouldn't yet. No, no, you wouldn't because that would never fucking happen to you, Jasmine, because you're not a main character on the show. Okay. Well, then she threatened a puncher. Yeah. And she will do that. She's a, what is she's a pre pre. I don't know what the fucking word is. She threatened to choke Nick Vile.

No, no, she she did. She's predisposed to violence. Is that what you're saying? That's what I meant to say. So, OK, OK. Long live the Chokey. Yeah. All right.

Later, Zack works with the hotel coordinator, who was a real weird looking chick to put together that party. I think I got to have God to Patrick. Patrick is goofy. OK. I damn god damn. Patrick, Patrick is goofy. Okay. And a sweet lady. Yeah, that's our that's our cover. Anytime we make fun of somebody we go out there so sweet. You tell me she didn't look goofy.

Zach then calls to let everyone know Luke proposed Zach explains it had to be this way despite. Despite this, Brittany is very hurt. And then Jason overhears this conversation and reports it to his boss. Whenever I am going to just refer to Janet as his boss, whenever. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Hey, boss. I overheard something, boss. Yeah, I know. Wormtongue's got to run it up the flagpole. When Jason comes into his meetings for contract negotiations, it's Alex Baskin and two other Bravo execs, and then Janet sitting across the table. It's amazing how quickly she gets in there. And they have a policy that they all have to sign off on whoever's going to come on the show. And

Alex Baskin, the other two producers, they're like, we love them. And Janet's like, well, I don't know. We should. What does he do? We should think about this. But this begins the parade of cuntiness from Jasmine. The- Janet, not Jasmine. Yeah, sorry, Janet.

The altruism that she is doing this through, The altruism that she is doing this through, the craft she is firmly in as she navigates through this bullshit is so fake. It's so passive aggressive. And it's not that interesting. It's just like this. I want to make sure she has a good weekend. And then this escalation of we'll see you in LA and then the I'm hungry thing. It was just, oh, can I throw this out there?

Dill? Um, okay. So I had someone or a couple attend my wedding and I also attended their wedding we both despise each other now and I kind of meant like I I have the wedding pictures in the studio like in a box and I see this fuckers face sometimes and I'm like God I wish he didn't fucking come do I know you're talking about you you of course we both worked with this idiot. Yes. Fucking hate that guy. Okay. And so I wish he had said, we're not doing that well as co-workers.

I will not go to your wedding and I should have not gone to his wedding. Yeah. Well, listen, um, Janet's behavior is a little bit like, and sorry to be so, uh, nonsensical, but I used to, I had a fourth grade teacher who used to eat bagel sandwiches in front of us, uh, early in the morning after we were all, you know, we were hungry and he would walk in at nine 30 in the morning and eat sandwiches in front of us and they were filled with various things, uh, tuna fish, eggs, lots of different things, but he would always eat in front of us. Her behavior reminds me of a bite of that. I can just see him biting into that food. That's the kind of revulsion I have towards Janet. It's just like, what?

You don't need to do this. Just stop. There's a fine line between being a wonderful villain that's slightly unlikable to being someone that's just despicable and hateable. Janet has crossed that line and I understand she's wanted to be on reality TV for a very, very long time. And she got there and I don't think she's doing a good job because she's going to need to step it up. She's going to need to step it up. up like we we can go one of two ways We can soften and have an arc or we can go Candice from Potomac, right?

But I think she's gonna probably need to bump it up. Mm-hmm. We'll see But good for Jason some balls. He has left. He goes what the fuck are you talking about? I we we paid for a trip to Hawaii. I don't give a shit about any of this stuff. I'm gonna have a good time in Hawaii. It's crazy what you're doing. I appreciated that he stood that he stood up to his manager during that time. But I also think he will go home tomorrow if she has a she has a panic attack in the middle of the night and says I'm too drunk. I want to leave immediately and starts to pack her stuff while she's crying and screaming, he will fight her for a minute and then help her pack and he'll leave the hotel.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Well, what are you going to do? Tell your boss now you'll get fired. Exactly. That's crazy. I think that's it, right? I guess we have the presidential suite with or derves and then Jesse says, uh, he just loves love. He loves love. He loves love. Get in

the comments. Let us know what you thought about the episode. Five stars, kind words. Uh, join us at patreon.com slash another podcast network. Join Ruby's sub stack at gangs of new york.com and, uh, help support the sponsors. Go check out Averill's paintings. Get yourself some gummies we love you we'll see you next time i'm dylan saying goodbye pat say goodbye later dudes ruby bye bye The heat is on, on the street, inside your head, on every beat.