Another Below Deck Podcast - There is No Red Wine in Greece | Below Deck Med S9 E1

Episode Date: June 4, 2024

Pat and Dylan are back to break down the bite force of a crocodile, Greece having no red wine, leaks, dental floss, nachos, influencers, the revolutionary war, Tom Clancy and more from Bravo's Below Deck Med. Ad Free and Uncensored at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYoutube at https://www.youtube.com/@anotherbelowdeckpodcast_Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbelowdeckpodcast

Instagram has family tools that help your family have a safer, healthier experience on the app. When teenagers set up their Instagram profile, default private accounts ensure that what they post stays private to them and their followers. Selecting a daily time limit helps your teenager keep healthy habits on the app. And by setting up supervision together, you gain more insight into who they're following. Learn more about these and other family tools at instagram.com slash family tools. Yeah, I do want to point out something just to my new detail that only someone with a drinking problem would notice. Okay. So they had one bottle of champs, right? Yeah. There

were seven glasses. They were filled halfway. I happen to know, because I aforementioned drinking problems for a number of years, that a single bottle of Champs wouldn't nearly cover that much glass real estate. Yeah, and you really bite down on the C and the H when you say that, huh? Okay. Welcome aboard another brand new season of another below deck podcast. My name is Dylan. I'm settled up next to one Patty permission to come aboard. What's up, baby? Oh, I'm excited up next to one Patty. Permission to come aboard. What's up, baby? Oh, I'm excited to start a new season.

Yeah, very excited. First day of school. First day of school. We've got our tripper keepers. We've got our dividers. Or... Hey, who am I going to bully this year? Or who's going to bully me this year?

You know, they're... You know the little ringlets in the binder? Oh, I always, they cut you sometimes. They cut you sometimes. They get loose and then as the school year goes along, they kind of fray, they lose their tension, you know, assignments get a little torn up and that's what happens at about 14, 15, right?

Where we go, you know, okay, so why are we still, you know, learning about the revolutionary war metaphor, why are we still, you know, learning about the revolutionary war metaphor? Why are we still? You get what I mean. Yeah, but right now it's first day of school. Okay, so it's a lot of fun. You got to show up with your, you use the shopping bags, the paper bags, which grocery stores don't allow us anymore. Good luck wrapping your school book with a grocery bag now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. And also, that bitch Mrs. Good site in fifth grade I don't know if I've told this story before and we'll get into the show. I

Asked I was in fifth grade. We learned about the revolutionary war. I can't believe this is such a core memory, man I asked this bitch miss good site just full of bile this woman made of nothing but humors she She's so rude to me, you know, I used to go over, I used to go, look at this Calvin and Hobbes thing. And she would kind of chuckle at it and tell me to go away. But we were learning about the Revolutionary War and I asked, why did the British wear red? And she laughed at me, welcoming in the chorus of, of, of judgment, of judgment and laughter at my expense from the rest of the class. This was a woman who was 50, 60 years old.

I mean, she was past her navel pretty much everywhere. And how dare you ruin a small child's day like that? I had the same thing happen to me in the fourth grade, Dylan. I'd fallen asleep because I'd stay up till midnight watching television I didn't have parents to raise me so I was like a wild animal right so I'd sleep through the first three periods anyway I woke up we were talking about the American Eagle And I raised my hand in class yeah I don't know why I was trying to like pretend I was paying attention and I said

Why is the eagle bald yeah? Ball yeah, and that's a great question and miss Conrad said and I said, why is the eagle bald? Yeah. When it's not bald. Yeah, and that's a great question. And Ms. Conrad said, well, if you were listening, I answered that question five minutes ago. I mean, it's just a- And the scorn, the scorn. So none of that's gonna happen, okay?

Because we're first day school, okay? And the British wore wet red so you couldn't see them bleed, obviously. You know, it's a really cool answer easier to aim at though Yeah. Oh, yeah You know Marion Marion You know Marion, what's his name Marion? You know the Mel Gibson played him the ghost. Oh, I forget his name Well, he was a real guy and he you know, he ushered in guerrilla warfare, but this is not fifth grade history

This is below deck. We have public service announcements to announce this week coming to the bad DV feed will be our inaugural. There's no better first day of school than a first day of school at flavor Flavs house. Okay. It's season three of flavor of love. Who's going to shit on the floor this season? Who's going to be berated for being an adult film actress in front of everybody this season?

Join us on the Bad TV Feed. I've watched the first episode, Dylan, and I have to tell you, well, the first episode did not have someone shitting on the floor. Or a woman beating the shit out of a skinny white chick. Oh, that was fun. Yeah, that all happened in the first episode of season two.

Yeah. That doesn't happen in episode one of season three, but it's still an amazing episode, and I can't wait to recap it for our bad TV audience. Yeah, and if you want to hear our breakdown of Flav, season one and season two, and Pat was speaking of the fight between Safari from Crenshaw and some white bitch And then Then a woman named Something and that was her flave name. It wasn't her real name

Because human beings aren't named something or mr. Magoo. We'll get into that. Oh, Dill, this season, season three, there's a girl he named The. Oh, and there's twin sisters. He couldn't come up with names. We just call them Thing One and Thing Two. Oh, wow. That's amazing. So, but, but it's, it's often slept on. I mean, think about that. One of the great premiere episodes of any reality television show you can hear at patreon.com slash another podcast network. Donate a little or a little bit more all right so below deck we are here to talk about it do we have to talk about tropical smoothie we do I'll grab

that copy so um add free episodes patreon.com slash another podcast network okay we have a new season season 9 go ahead and give your pumps. Okay. I like the casting. How about that goddamn provisioner? I mean, I don't know what I would do. I would be filled with so much vitriol and violent emotion that I might just jump off the boat and go find whoever's in charge of this and strangle them. Like a Looney Tunes kind of strangling. Yeah.

I think that guy on the other end of that phone, I think that might've been a voiceover artist. Uh-huh. Yeah. I one time, you know, he reminded me of the switchboard people. You know, it was, you know, the jerky boys. Of course. So there used to be these E-bomb world kind of soundboards that you could download. You'd push a button and Arnold Schwarzenegger would say, you know, one of the 50 things assigned to him.

And you know, I got a telemarketer call some time ago about some amazing opportunity. No, you know what it was? We'll get to the show. I got a piece of correspondence in the mail with harsh red lettering. Now, usually that means I didn't pay a bill, but I haven't done that since I was in my 20s. So I opened this bill. It's announcing that I've won something big and then I have to call. So I do call and I record it. It's another podcast show. You can find it at patreon.com. I call and I'm talking to this man about the contest and I quickly realized that he's, this is a man just hitting buttons on a switchboard. So I asked him, I asked the guy what his favorite movie is.

Oh boy. Yeah, and he didn't have an answer to that one. He hung up the phone real quick, but that's what the provision was like. That's what he sounded like. All right, so that was a real fun part of the episode. Very frustrating. I also, this chef guy, Jono, is that his name, Jono?

I mean, is this guy 007 or what? I mean, the guy has a calm Unflappability like a Navy SEAL. Yeah, I've never heard some a chef tell a stew to go fuck off twice I loved it cooked loved it. I don't know how I feel about it, but I'm gonna make a call here an old patty Doesn't generally make a calls with his crystal ball. I'm gonna say this guy doesn't last till episode 5, you know When you hear I'm gonna say this guy doesn't last till episode five. You know, when you hear I'm an architect and I hopped on a boat because they needed somebody to make hot pockets for a couple days. He got screwed over by one of his accounts and next thing you know he's cooking food on a boat. Usually that is a sign of somebody who's doomed to fail but I think you you know, Washrind Bree is gonna go down very, very quickly.

The fact that they have thrust this thing onto Asia in the first episode with a leaky roof, I mean, I'm getting ahead of myself. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Yeah, go ahead. Well anyway, I have a lot of high hopes for the season. Yeah. I'm gonna give a solid first showing,

I'll give it a 50 dots. I thought it was an amazing episode because what makes Below Deck really sing is when they cannot succeed. Right? That's what makes it sing. It's why people watch Family Feud. There's no way you could possibly come up with this answer. Worst thing to do on a date, rob somebody. No one would ever say that. So you tune in because there's no chance that they're actually gonna do this well. It was a fun cast of characters, the Liverpudlian and the Irish guy. I mean I won't know who those two are I mean they're the same person the exact same person I may call them the things yeah I don't know the fuck they are so and that is a microaggression right not being able to

differentiate between somebody from northern England and Ireland and I apologize for that but the two of them are just the same person. Asia's in fine form. We have the Balkan Biscuit aboard. We have Jonah or Jo-no. Just not giving an absolute fuck. And then we've got Sandy. It's going to be, I'm excited for the season.

I thought it was a great first episode. We have an insane provisioner who just will not do their job. I'm gonna give it 79 pots. All right, so let's get into it. The Mead is where it all, hang on, what does she say? She said something about how the med. Is this Captain Sandy?

No, this is Kermit. Okay. She says, this is Kermit. Okay. She says, this is where it all started for me. And you know, Asia, I was reminded that Asia has been on our television screens for some time. I mean, the better part of half a decade at this point. And her journey began on the Med. Now we get this as with every premier episode first day

of school we have to go over the rules and regulations of the year so we get our little kind of preseason tease and it looks like we've got a lot of fucking a lot of sucking and deceit and treachery maybe even a lost anchor who knows but we began with Asia who heads to the boat to see mama and says there are so many dicks on this boat and then also I think shits her pants pretty much immediately. Yeah, I think so. She loves bathroom humor. Yeah. Which is odd because Patty doesn't like a lady that likes bathroom. Well, you know, I just, look, her last residence was a van with a toilet next to the microwave. So I get how it can be jokey with her boyfriend.

I got to tell you, I am in such awe and admiration for these women that stand by men who just live in vans. It's happening all over the country. You know, when you saw the Matt Foley sketch, you didn't think that there was ever someone who was his best friend and partner. But there are women out there who are just driving around this country shitting in buckets. And it's crazy to me. So Sandy is here to support and maybe wash some dishes, she says. Yep. Patty, we don't want that, right? No, we don't. We don't want timeshift. Stay out of the galley.

No crew is going to be sleeping in the forward cabin because we've got a leak. And this is where we start to see kind of the jigsaw killer obstacles that are laid out for the Sea Rats, right? So we're going to have forced quarters. We're going to be understaffed There's gonna be no red wine in all of Greece. This is what we need Yeah, yeah, I you know, I had a different take on it till that dripping water in the Sea Rat bunk

It was a refreshing Undramatic issue given last season. We had a boat with a stabilizer issue that oh, yeah, it itself Randomly threatening to kill everyone aboard. It was literally a nautical Russian roulette yeah a leak over a Sea Rat cabin is small potatoes no but I like that that having because it turned the boat into the kind of like a universal tram ride experience and that's fun you know people pay a lot of money to go on that tram yeah it happened three times so we meet Ian his parents called him Mr. Magoo for some time and then called him Ian.

Those two are going to be the source for some pretty good C-Rap pain, I think. Yeah. I think so. But it might be one of these things where Mr. Magoo is kind of the memories are too repressed. So even if they do come out, they might come out with a smile. And we'll have to kind of kink our heads and really

Examine just how sad it is speaking of heads Dylan. Yeah, he's a handsome guy, but old Patty And I don't like to judge but I think he should keep the hat on so Okay, also we got to go through his Sea Rat story. Yeah something about a river Well his dad we get his Sea Rat story right out of the gate. Ian, his dad was a river tour guide. And then Ian took up the mantle to become a river tour guide as well. And Ian, did your dad get eaten by a crocodile? Right? Then shut the fuck up. Well, the crocs kill about 1000 people a year. So if you are one

of the unlucky ones that gets kind of death spiraled by one of these things, they have a bite force of 5,000 PSI. I mean it's unbelievable. A pit bull has a bite force of 400 PSI. So I mean think about what a croc can do to Mr. Magoo's dad. It sounds like a lot. But also you know I can see some... one of two outcomes with Mr. McHoo's father. One, eaten by a crocodile, very likely. I hope so. A thousand people a year. Number two, there were some negligent business practices

and some people lost their lives in the white water. Interesting. And that's why Sun had to take over. Yeah, it's a little bit like, you can evade a lot of punitive measures if you transfer assets to your children, right? Or put it in a trust, yeah. Yeah, so like Andrew Mellon, right?

He's going to be the Treasury Secretary of the United States. He goes, you know what? I can't have all these assets. I'm going to give them to my brother. Oh, wow. You know? Makes sense. We don't want to get into politics.

Of course. Okay. So Chef comes on next. He is a culinary architect. Hate that. Absolutely hate that, right? He is a fake it till you make it kind of person. That's what all sea rats are.

Well, also, which is a less blatant way of admitting that you're a liar. Yeah. Right. I point that out. When you say fake it till you make it it that means you're lying about your credentials It's a you can kill people. It's a euphemistic Expression for lying. Mm-hmm. Okay, imagine your airplane pilot at Southwest. Yeah. Hey, how'd you get the job? Well, You know what when I first started I faked it till I made it. Yeah. Well, they let you fly the plane

Yeah, he's fucking crying. What I did was, you know, I passed all the tests during COVID, right? So I had the fortune of just being able to Google pretty much each and every answer. When they needed some kind of evidence that I could fly well, I sent them a YouTube video of a flight sim. And here I am flying you guys to Dulles. Okay so he got into cooking because there was one day where they they couldn't open a bag of Captain Crunch and they needed somebody to open it for them. Well hold on that architect firm that he worked for that he owned yeah project fell through next

thing you know he's slicing tomatoes on a fucking sea rat. Yeah caprese salad. that leaves more questions than answers sir. Yep. I don't trust him for one minute. I Think we've got a lot of mystery to unfold here throughout the season the Balkan biscuit is aboard next she is She she's one to Kind of where She's one to kind of wear like... Nothing. Yeah, more like tiles instead of clothing. It's a cool kind of thing. Head on over to her Instagram,

her way that she was promoting Belodex episode tonight was she was wearing dental floss. Yeah, yeah, which is very brave. I mean, I wouldn't wear dental floss if you paid me. Yeah, I don't want to subject people to that. I want to remind everyone who Ellie is slash the Balkan Biscuit. Yes. She had a stint of about an episode and a half on either last season or the season prior.

She's an absolute delight. Happy to have her here. Maximum effort person. She wants to be chief stew. This is what we need. We need second stews who are vying for the top spot. Aisha, look out. A liver puddle is next as well as an Irishman. Thing one, thing two, they'll room together and we will understand. Not a fucking thing. So another stew hits the boat. Gail, Ozzy as well as Sabrina, AKA Brie, like the cheese. Meetings in the department go off. Brie isn't sure what an ounce is and Ellie gets second-stud well

She doesn't know what an ounce is therefore. She will be enjoying Getting some skid marks out of that in that laundry room. Yeah, unfortunately for every paying guest is She's not really sure what anything is Okay So that So that's troublesome. One of the things says finger blasting my butthole before bed and we get a little bit on Gale. Now was this Joe or Nathan because he shares that old

Pat, Pat, Pat. No idea. Well, yes, Dylan, you glossed over it pretty quickly but it does need more time to. Yeah, yeah, Well, yes Dylan you glossed over pretty quickly, but it does need more time to yeah Yeah, that's a good point. So age-old pastime to indulge in it's not reading a Tom Clancy novel by the fire No, it's uh, it's finger-banging your own asshole. Yeah, and Tom Clancy books are not meant to be read by fires They're meant to be read in middle seats on Airplanes, that's right. OK? I apologize.

But I've never heard of the finger banging of your own asshole. No. Well, I've heard of it. You know, I'm not opposed to, I'm a very clean person. So you know, I'll go pretty much further up than most people do when wiping and or bathing and this is one of the reasons why my wife and others think I'm possibly gay.

But I'll say it again, I'm inspired by men and sexually attracted to women. Okay. So, um, we move on to Gail who speaking of attractive women, this is our new Malia. I think she's got a brother and she had to be tough because of it You know, she's a tomboy. Everyone is single except for the insanely beautiful girl from Australia However, yeah, we do have a couple guys that well, they're sea rats, of course So they don't care about these kind of restrictive moral conundrums that they see things like

loyalty commitment and monogamy as imagined fictions that we've conjured up to make sure the orangutan population does not collapse okay they do not care one iota about this they will shove this stuff up their ass like they do their finger okay but she is she's she's going to be a deck hand so she's going to be a deckhand. So she's going to be in the snake pit the entire time. And she's only been dating this guy for five months. Means nothing. Means nothing.

So provisions are late and because of the leak, we do not have room to hire a new person. Love this, nothing short of short of a narrative device. I mean one of these producers went in, ripped a, I don't know what you call these things, pipe, dry wall, line, whatever, they ripped it down, they said oh this isn't gonna work, it was sabotage. To be fair these yachtss are floating motel sixes they're dumps yeah it's possible that it could have been leaking. Possible not likely it's time to get to the preference sheet. I'm not putting the music in this

wasn't a good one. Now I will say just starting out with a bang we have influencers. Yes. I always like influencers. Yep. Influencers are amazing in that they are rewarded for doing nothing. And that's an infuriating profession, you know? I mean, I think that that's why some people might not like us, you know, because we're rewarded for essentially doing nothing. What are you doing? I'm looking for a copy so we can be influencers in hot products. Oh, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. We'll put it in. We can't do that. We got to do a baked in. I know, I know. But listen, I'll pull it up on my phone and we'll talk about Tropical Smoothie a little bit later.

We're influencers. Okay? We are sharing a studio with a rat. Instagram has family tools that help your family have a safer, healthier experience on the app. When teenagers set up their Instagram profile, default private accounts ensure that what they post stays private to them and their followers. Selecting a daily time limit helps your teenager keep healthy habits on the app. And by setting up supervision together, you gain more insight into who they're following. Learn more about these and other family tools at instagram.com slash family tools. Okay. Our dear ex producer, Kaylin, comes in here and just misplaces everything. It's a small space. I don't know what kind of Joker like behavior

He's trafficking in or why he's doing it, but he is and our lives are made worse because of it Okay, so we move on to the Well provisions arrive some of them some of them at 805 Sun still in the sky sunny in. And we then get to Nathan thing two or one having a thick accent and they show a picture of him with a hometown friend. Did you catch this? I didn't. They he's talking about how he came from one of the white places. Okay. And they show a picture of him with a hometown friend. This is one of those things where I don't know if the editor was on fentanyl. You know, these things happen, especially with Bravo Productions and TLC productions,

where you go, how come you put that in there? Right, because the episode's 54 minutes. It should be 42, so why is that in there? I agree. I glossed over it. It was so unimportant to this podcast or that it just passed by my eyes. I didn't even notice it. So we get no booze at all,

and then we get to a meeting of the minds. Ah, yes, the goal this season, high level of service. High level of service. Pressure makes us better. Sandy says, she's a little bit like Jocka Willink in that she says, oh, my arm got ripped off. Good. You know?

Oh, there's no running water, and there's leaks in the bedroom and we don't have any alcohol good you know this is how you fortify diamonds okay the goal is to provide a level of service that will make us money okay the goal is like that the goal is not about the money okay it's about providing she says respect each other's sexuality no means means no. Sandy, don't be a bummer, okay? We don't want rape. Obviously, we don't want rape, but I mean, let's just cool it with this, okay? Jesus. So, we meet the stars of the season. Ionel, Luca, and

Ivan. Oh, I was going to say, hold on. We got a got a couple things. So no one sleeps very well that night. Well no no no I'm speaking of the the engineers. Oh forgive forgive me. The guys will never see again. You're forgiven. Then we hit the sheets and Asia is tossing and turning. All night.

All night. But we wake the next morning. We're starting the vacation off with no booze and we learn a little bit about thing one or thing two we learned the story of the Spanish crisis of 2009 I'm not really I'm not really up to I'm Irish and I don't even know what the fuck they're talking about. He's talking about Spain.

I'm not up on a lot of geopolitical or global events with our own country kind of ripping apart at the seams. But I'm really not certain what happened in 2009 in Spain. Me neither, but I will say... Did Messi win another Champions League? I mean, what are we talking about? That was probably it. Yeah. Well, Ian, he meets with Sandy for the deck assignments

where he talks about the things. And I have to say, this is quite a refreshing start with Ian. Last season's Bozen committed identity theft. And for all we know, he's a fugitive running from the law. Yeah, well, he was an arms dealer. and he was on this boat to scout New ports because they were expanding their operation. Wow. He said I don't want to do what umami burger did I don't want to just pop up on every corner in Los Angeles will over saturate. Okay, I need to do a little aren't Aren't well, let's get to the next point. Sure. Yeah, so at this point current Kermit has one bottle of bubbly. Mm-hmm But according to Sandy so far so good so far so far not a disaster so far so good I don't want to sound like a jackass, but I'm gonna have a new segment called Patty solves problems. Uh-huh

PSP I understand the provisioner is out of wine or giving you the runaround Let's hit the pavement. Huh? Let's hit the pavement. Yeah. Let's go buy, I don't know, go buy five bottles of bubbly. You might be out of pocket, I don't know, 150 bucks. I mean, you know, knowing the prices of Greece, I mean, it's an economically ravaged land. And I think they did it to themselves.

Didn't wanna pay any bills. Didn't wanna pay any bills, wanted to sit around and suck down Uzo and sun-dried tomato shit all day. You know, I mean, listen, we do have a little bit of a grind problem with our mentality in America, but at least, you know, anyways, the guests arrive. You know what I do know about that 2008. It wasn't between

Spain and Ireland. He was referring to the financial crisis at 2008 We're a bunch of predatory assholes preyed on people who apparently didn't bother read loan documents Yeah, next thing you know, you fucked everyone. Well, listen, I You know a lot of people place Import on the victim and While there is a little onus, you know, you should look over your mortgage deal.

Yeah. When a coked out, adderalled out mortgage broker puts in front of you a dream opportunity, you start seeing things with rose colored glasses. It goes like this. Hey, I want to live in a mansion. How much do you make a year? $40,000. I'm a plumber.

I make 40. Great. What do you say we put a few more zeros behind that number and soon you'll be living next to JLo? Yeah, 100%. I'm in. And what happens is you don't pay the mortgage for the first three months, right? And you go, oh, well, what's it going to be after that?

They say, don't worry about it. Now what they forgot to mention is $37,000. And it's a big place. A lot of utilities, it's going to cost around five grand a month for water. You got two gardeners. Yeah. I mean, you wanted, the lawn was one of the things that kind of hooked you. So that's what happened. But he spoke- But then you fucked us. But the financial collapse happened in 2008

That's right. So I don't know what he's talking about 2009 2010 Maybe there was another Spanish Civil War between Spanish people so who knows but anyways the guests arrive The content here is going to be silly says one of them hate filled with hate already These poor kids though have no rosé and the jacuzzi looks like the kind of jacuzzi you would see at a Trailer park in the Everglades Okay, it's insane to me that they let these people on this boat with brown brown water in the bottom of the jacuzzi I mean these influencers must have thought they were being punked. It was silly

yeah, I do want to point out something just a minute detail that only someone with a Drinking problem would notice. Okay, so they had one bottle of champs, right? Yeah, there were Seven glasses they were filled halfway. I happen to know, because I aforementioned drinking problems for a number of years, that a single bottle of champs wouldn't nearly cover that much glass real estate. Yeah, and you really bite down on the C and the H when you say that, huh? Okay. So the Provisioner though is here to save the day. They send seven bottles of I think like $6 per seco to the boat and cannot source red wine, which is very confusing to me

But we move on Sandy loves I'm gonna do it again. I'm gonna say the English words again. Sandy loves Athens because of the history. Okay. I have a feeling Sandy may not be that involved this season. I think she's gonna be up in that bridge planning her wedding. Yeah well she's got a big proposal coming this season and it's gonna be exciting to see that because we'll care so much about that, right? And everyone deserves love, you know, especially lesbians. Oh yes. You know, some of the coolest, flyest motherfuckers

out there, right? So we get to lunch, lovely, clean Greek fare. We've got chicken, we've got shrimp, we've got tzatziki, and Brie does not know what an iron is. She is one of the TGI Friday people that we have begged for really each and every season. You know, I mentioned it last episode, we need hot people from soft rooms aboard this vessel. The other breed of Sea Rat that we need is complete incompetence. And I know that the Sea Rats listen, I apologize for being a little brutal, but Brie does fit into that, you know, under that

umbrella. I mean, she has zero clue what's going on. She does. And she also mentions that she had a housekeeper. Yes. Very similar to the Barbie story. And that explains why she doesn't know how an iron works or she's scared of taxes and also is afraid of measurements. And Bray, who isn't afraid of taxes and measurements? I mean, you pull out a tape measure. You go, oh my God, you know, it's it's five and a half inches, but it says that everybody's supposed to be six. What? Why is it? It's scary to look down at that number and recognize.

And then you throw the tape measure away. Yeah, and you buy a new one. And before you know it, you've bought seven and you know that this is just the truth. This is just what's going to happen to you. And then don't even get me started on taxes. I mean, that's even scarier. So where do we go next? We take some Machote photos. So you touched on lunch. Is there anything else to glean from? It was fine. Fine.

It was elevated food court food. OK. You know? So we get the slide out. And I've got to say, we can't be lugging this thing up flights every time we get this out, right? It seems like a health hazard. Like one of these guys is going to pull a vertebrae or, or, you know,

it's just too much. Chef is being very cool about having no food. Yeah. Okay. So the lobster hasn't shown up the queen of sea bugs. Uh, and he's creating a gentleman in you despite that. Yeah. he doesn't even know if it's gonna show up. So at this point, I'm all Jonah right now Oh me too. I'm a big fan of Joe no, Joe. No, Joe. No If he was white, I'd say let's just call him Jonah But yeah, you know, I'd say let's just call him Jonah. Mm-hmm. But. Yeah.

You know. I get it. Me too. So imagine some of the chefs in the past, you know, Pizza Rat, Ben, you know that drunk we had last time who fell asleep on a bench next to a tub of peanut butter. These guys would be flipping out.

That's right. But not Jonah. would be flipping out. That's right. But not Jonah. And I, Jonah. That's right. So the children jump off the boat and we get to the guests having zero things to wear. This is a amazing disaster. We've never seen guests go into the laundry room and sift through clothes that aren't theirs. Yeah. That's a first. Now, to be fair though, um, Bree scared of measuring taxes. She's also afraid of steam. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Thank God she wasn't, uh, the guy who invented the steam engine. She wasn't his personal assistant. I think I've invented something that could change the world. I don't know, boss. It scares me. Maybe you should stick to horses. Yeah.

Next thing you know, it's 2024. I'm riding a fucking horse. Thanks, Bree scares me. Maybe you should stick to horses. Yeah. Next thing you know, it's 2024. I'm riding a fucking horse. Thanks, Bri. Yeah. And then Gerald Ford had no opportunity to sympathize with the goddamn Nazis. See? But, you know, while she may have been scared of the steam engine in that moment, I would hope that someone with that level of innovation would be more convicted about their invention, because she's like, well, it's scary.

And he's like, well, then we can't do anything. You think so, Pree? Yeah, and then he just takes a shovel to it or whatever heavy object was around. So the Gail's boyfriend, no, no, no, no. Well, I do want to talk about the guests and their clothes. They seem to be getting pretty annoyed here, but they kind of contain it.

Well, they're children. Yeah. If this was Jill Zarin. Oh my god. She would have tried to put a camera in there. She would have. By the way, Jill Zarin, you still suck. Jill Zarin, I love you.

So we get to Gail's boyfriend. She's been with him for five months. That is just enough time to break this off. Evidently also just enough time to say I love you to one another. Five months isn't, I think you can say I love you after five months. Oh yeah. Yeah. Totally fine. Yeah. It's these knuckleheads that are on this boat for six weeks that start dropping it like it's their last name. Mm-hmm We get to some drink making content. That was cool And there's still really nothing on this boat and because of that Jono has to call an audible thank God for the coolness of this guy and Ellie's fun outfits because

Again, there's no liquor on this boat there's no red wine there's nothing to keep the children at bay other than jumping off the boat. Yeah and it's nighttime so there's no jumping ah no first off I want a deep discount on this this vacation. Absolutely dinner is snapper and mango ceviche a lovely clean way to start things off. There was a halved passion fruit adorned at the northwest corner of the plate, depending on your vantage.

I was confused about that. I'm not sure how I feel about that as a garnish, because there was no passion fruit in the dish. So I'm a little confused, but nevermind that. Provisions arrive in the middle of dinner. They finally got their red wine. Kidding, Ashton Kutcher actually is in a video village and you're getting punked. There's no red wine.

This is the third provision, I think, that has arrived at this boat and there is no red wine. This is the third provision, I think, that has arrived at this boat, and there is no red wine. That's right. An entire, this entire country runs on this stuff and has historically run on this stuff for millennia, but they can't find a single ounce of it. Absolutely insane. So the next course is surf and turf,

which is an obligatory, lazy dish. It's lacking constantly. But what I'll say to Jono is that he really turned it around because usually, you know, it was a blessing and a curse. And that's where Sandy's right, you know. This is how we shine bright like a diamond. You don't have the lobster. So what you're going to do is you're going to innovate like that guy with the steam engine. He's going

to make a crab cake instead of just poaching a lobster tail and throwing it on a plate. And what that birthed was a beautiful twist to a classic and overdone dish. I'd say that he knocked it out of the park park this first go, you know, given what he had to overcome. I'm going to give it 81 pots. Wow, thank God Brie wasn't in the galley and not afraid of crab. Yeah, deal. Should we do a read for tropical? We should 100% totally. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah'll kill the time I'm looking at. Totally. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah.

All right, so yeah, I want 30% knocked off this vacation so far. You don't have booze on that boat for me. That's 30% of the vacation. You know what you don't need 30% off at? Tropical Smoothie Cafe. You'll take one sip of their delicious summer mocktail smoothies, and you'll go, can I pay more?

Yeah, I want to pay more. Can I pay more for this? And of course the fine people at one of the 1,400 plus locations across, they'll go no no no no no no no. Enjoy the smoothie, okay? The ingredients of this place, they're unmatched, okay? Mango, mint, strawberries, cranberry, lime, watermelon. I mean, what could be more refreshing in a hot boy summer than one of these. Hot boy summer. One of these delicious drinks.

How about that watermelon mojito? The watermelon mojito, watermelon, mint, strawberries, and lime. You're on Tropic Time now, okay? When you walk into these places, your horizon will expand. go to one of the over 1,400 locations or use the app with promo code bad TV You are on traffic time now. I mean listen go sample them

Tell them bad TV sent you when they say what's that take their phone take their credit card subscribe them to our patreon Okay, it's a great company. We're so happy that they're sponsoring the show. Let's get back to the episode. This is where Ellie begins to question Bree's work experience on these these boats. Sure. Yeah. Ellie shared in her backyard. She was bombed as a child. So that's how she got a pretty good work ethic. And that's pretty good. See, right? So a big time. Yeah, that's a

four or five, I'd say. Some planes are dropping bombs on your backyard. Yeah. Fuck Yeah. Yeah, solid. Three points. Because because we get a sea rat. Okay, let's compare the sea rat histories, right. So we have embroiled in this kind of age old conflict of the Soviet Union kind of disbanding and then want wanting to get their territory back, I think.

Yeah, that's right. Or one of the things says, I was a bad kid in school and my sister was a good kid. How about one of the C-Rex last season, he was a fat kid. Tough shit, who wasn't? Tough shit. Have you ever been walking to go get bread that you don't know is there and stepping on- A mortar. Have you ever been walking to go get bread that you don't know is there and stepping on a mortar? You woke up that morning with two legs. You're wrapping up the day with one.

Right. And that is not the Balkan biscuits story, but she's seen that stuff happen. Okay. And that's why she is a tough bitch. Okay. Solid. That's why she goes and wakes up the chef when she needs to but we'll get there in a second. So, Ellie is put on service for the children. Okay. And children, if you've ever babysat them, their hunger is something that it's a sight to behold. Okay. That's right. Especially when they're drinking the children. Yes, so we'll do Chipotle

Then we'll drink then we'll want More right and they do want more they want nachos. They want grilled cheese They want all of these things chicken fingers chicken fingers This is a misstep on these boats I understand that they can't afford to have a sous chef or someone to do the second shift step on these boats. I understand that they can't afford to have a sous chef or someone to do the second shift. You got to understand when are people most hungry? It's not at eight o'clock at dinner time. You're going to eat the food because it's in front of you. No, no, no, no. It's when you're fucking three deep. That's the best time. It's when food tastes the best. That's why Taco

Bell created the fourth meal. The fourth meal. By the way, if cops really wanted to get a bunch of people arrested for DUIs, just sit outside the drive-thru at a Taco Bell at 1 a.m. Everyone's drunk. Everyone's drunk. Everyone's drunk trying to get in line to get the new Cheez-It Crunchwrap Supreme. Is it gonna be good? Of course not. No, it's disgusting. It'll be a tortilla mildly warmed with cat food on top of a cheese. It that's big and wet. How could that be good? It's $6. So she goes in, she wakes up the chef and Jonah says, get the fuck out of here. I don't think so.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was unbelievable. Um, and because of that, the evening turns into a real cat's cradle, OK? The mojitos are late. The nachos aren't happening. We want seven grilled cheeses. Gail's got a great point. Would nachos be easier?

It's large format. She goes, no, make the seven grilled cheeses. The kids are screaming. And she goes back down and says, no, make the seven grilled cheeses. The kids are screaming. And she goes back down and says, listen, have you seen the film Twister? It's a little bit like that up there. And Jonah says, Jonah says, no, I haven't seen that movie, get out.

I can't believe he said no twice. I hope at the beginning, actually, I don't hope this happens. I hope he says, no, fuck off, but it will probably be a tease beginning the next episode. She gets him up He does cook the food. We'll see we'll see we'll see you next week Patreon.com slash another podcast network get ready for flave Falls on Instagram at another below deck podcast. I'm Dylan Pete round on Instagram. He's Patrick Hickey 500 five stars kind words

Let us know what you think about the season last season. We'd love to hear you guys there. We'll see you next week I'm Dylan saying goodbye Pat say goodbye later dudes you