Kill James Bond! - They’re Just Deckhands | Below Deck Sailing Yacht S4 E4

Episode Date: May 3, 2023

Dylan and Pat are back to break down Lucky Lucy, overachievers, Anaconda, licking ass, eels, rope swings, getting away with murder, guy code, antelopes, crooked penises and much more from Bravo's Below Deck. Uncensored content and exclusive shows including Vanderpump Rules at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetwork

you know summer's right around the corner when summer's right around the corner people start kind of kicking into gear well by that you mean dill they start uh getting their physicality uh together yeah and it's good it's not just the pecs it's not just the abs it's not just the butt it's not just the you know um all that you also have my toes are okay you also have to take care of your hair most of us have dealt with dandruff at some point in our lives. In fact, one in five of your friends is flaky. But for all the flaky friends in the group, keeping your resolution to stop flaking on your plants

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He likes long walks on the beach. He likes someone who likes wine. He likes a girl with a great smile. And also a dad who died, uh, driving, uh, head on into a semi high on PCP.

Right, right. I bet his, his dating profile is like, I'm into these things. And you know, Mick Riva, you remember Mick Riva,

Mick Riva, you know, Mick Riva from Malibu rising. Bad dad. All right. So I want to tell this young man, if he's in mats, he better be able to make her laugh or breathe,

which he failed at later in the evening. Hi, hello, and welcome to Welcome Aboard, another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck podcast. My name's Dylan. I'm settled up next to one Patrick Hickey. Permission to come aboard. Granted. Oh, jeez. It's a helicopter flying above us.

Yeah. Producer Kalen is back from his leave of infirmary. Glad to be here. Yeah, I'm glad you're here, too. He's got me really hot tonight he's just fucking up left and right i i had to print out this tax form for him you know hp products are more convoluted than than most products yeah the the gauntlet that i had to go through to get this tax form printed out for this young man because we're paying him now you know it's going to be all by the books you know because the the fat cats can pay 750 a year hey rick scott rick scott he can pay 750

in taxes a year we have to cover our ass so i bring this tax form in what does he do whiffs on the first entry just fucks it up writes the wrong address in god damn it caitlin i got some white out i'll bring it out during our break okay all right we'll fix that you have white out yeah wow i haven't school i haven't whited anything out in a while what do you have the uh the brush or the the like oh no no i don't use the sponge stamp no no no you gotta go old school with the brush or the... Oh, no, no, no. I don't use the sponge stamp. No, no, no. You got to go old school with the brush, man.

The sponge stamp? What are you talking about? I'm talking about the beak and you glide it across. Oh, I hate that technology. Really? No, it doesn't work. What do you even call that? I don't know.

Tape? Yeah, it's like whiteout tape. Yeah. Anyways, we're here to talk about Below Deck. Do we have any public service announcements before yes i have a lot of housekeeping to do dylan glad you asked uh when you're the number one below deck podcast uh recap in the world uh you're gonna get some feedback you know and it's a niche category but we are the champions of it yeah yeah yeah and you

know i'm as uh as kind of a journalist or a podcast, whatever you call me. I like to be accurate. I would call you the latter. I wouldn't call you a journalist. Oh, all right. Well, anyway, I have integrity. And this week, a Sea Rat reached out to us to clear some things up. Apparently, the cast member named Lucky,

who spells her name L-U-C-Y, needed to settle her hash with us and left us a strongly worded voicemail. I would play it for you, but Instagram deletes those messages, I guess. Anyway, she said her name's Lucy. Like a thief in the night. Yeah. Those voice memos just disappear.

Yeah. Well, her name's Lucy, and she says she doesn't know where the hell we got that whole Lucky business. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do. You said it. You said I'm Lucky on the first episode, Lucy. Well, and also it's a thing that, and Lucy, it's a thing we know very, very well.

We know your name is Lucy. It's what we refer to as a bit. So we're going to keep calling you lucky and just know that we know that's incorrect. Right, right, right. Yeah. Second piece of business, the primary charter guest. Boy, we are very important people in the podcast world. Yeah, niche category.

Kim Phillips, the nice primary, she reached out to us. Such a sweet note. Give a correction. I think we're going to go on her and Justin's podcast, so we'll announce that when we do it. But anyway. Go find their podcast. It's a great podcast. But anyway, she wanted to correct us.

We had said in our last podcast that Justin was an out-of-work loser. Okay, okay, okay. So we talked about a lot of stuff last week. I remember painting a beautiful but sad portrait of me in the top bunk of my divorced father's apartment bedroom for us, waiting with bated breath, watching American Idol. So me, as a millennial, I don't think that I would speak ill of Justin Guarini like that. Because what did you say we said? I'm paraphrasing.

But what was the paraphrase? Well, Ihrasing. But what was the paraphrase? Well, I just, I think... Paraphrase the paraphrase. We had said that he was out of work and he'd got dropped from his record label and his life was in shambles. An out-of-work loser, right. So that's what Patrick said.

I do not feel that way. I thought you said it. Anyway, Kim corrected us. You'd be happy to know that Justin is very successful and he's actually performing on Broadway right now. He's a Broadway performer. So congratulations. So go check out their podcast. Go check out

Justin Guarini on Broadway. Yeah, Broadway. You know, I hear Hadestown is fantastic. Is that right? Yeah. I'll have to check it out next time I'm there. You're going to go soon? What's it about? Hadestown?

I don't know. Is about um i think it's like dante trying to get out of hell can't look back that seems depressing no it's like fun i think i'd rather go see mean girls oh is it are they adapting it for the stage oh it has been adopted okay um do you want to get anything into anything anything that Pastor Jonathan said over the weekend? No, no. Let's just get into our thoughts and nots. Let's get into our thoughts and nots. I'll go first.

I am, of course, in love with this cast, but I feel as though we're having a pretty tepid start to the season. Maybe we've just been spoiled with this show because I don't know what it is but maybe it's a personal growth evolution. But the ball of snake stuff is really not doing it for me anymore.

I mean, I'm really... I don't want to say it's vanilla. It's just that it's not moving the needle. I feel as though I've developed a tolerance for this hot shot. You know what I mean? It's very sad. Well, Dylan, you should be happy.

20 pots. Also, Gary is not doing himself any favors. I mean, he's just acting a fool. He's acting a fool. Well, Dylan, I pointed out in the last episode that Captain Glenn definitely doesn't have his eye on the ball anymore. He's more interested in selling salami yeah same kind of deal with uh colin the sea uh the old sea dog yeah and gary television has gotten into their heads i'll get into it later on the episode these two guys are fucking riding around the sardinian sea like they're the goddamn silver surfer right

like they don't have to work anymore that's my point yeah yeah jesus fucking christ ridiculous well anyway i'm enjoying the episode because I'm seeing Gary's downfall. And he's got some competition this season. And it's kind of fun to see him. You know, normally he's kind of cool, calm, and collected. Chase has got him a little off his game. And certainly Alex there, despite being a blackout drunk, he's really got Gary, you know, off balance. out drunk. He's really got Gary, you know,

off balance. Yeah, you know, something that we kind of glossed over, which I feel is important to bring up. I think that we came tonight, you know, we've had brushes with danger in the past. Ashton getting his leg ripped off and other

things. Lee falling in the shower. You know, people have been in peril. But tonight I feel is that we came closest to a Sea Rat death as we've the shower. You know, people have been in peril. But tonight I feel as though we came closest to a sea rat death as we've ever come. I mean, Alex almost drowned in that jacuzzi. And if Mads and Gary were off, I don't know,

exploring each other's orifices, and he was left there, I mean, that young man would have become a Korean water ghost in two seconds. Yeah. Some kind of fun, like, party one. You know, like, he didn't die in a well. He died in a jacuzzi on a yacht.

Still makes that noise, but he's like, I don't know. Is that Alex? Yeah. He's like, yeah, it's me. And then their face contorts him. Yeah. And then somebody makes a VHS. So, yeah, sorry I interrupted you. sorry i interrupted you i don't know where i

am so i think it's fun episode i am really excited that everybody's single i like the little drama going on between chase and gary uh and once again uh gary seems like he's not into the show or being a boson so uh we'll see where this season goes right Right, right, right. 15 knots. Okay. Do you want to kick things off? Oh, sure, sure, sure. Okay. So the show starts. Gary and C-Dawg chat about Chase. Yeah.

They both agree that he's got a good work ethic, but he's pretty fucking annoying. Well, Gary, and I think the issue with this whole thing is that Chase has this personality of like a Jetsons character. Like there's just too much bubbliness. Yeah. And that's the kind of personality that grates on sane people. I guess there are people out there who kind of appreciate that kind of overwhelming positivity. I'm not one of them. So if I was around Chase, I'd be rather annoyed too.

But Gary is saying things. As I mentioned, he's losing it. He's saying things like there is no way that chase knows more than me about boats it's like gary you sound like a second grader right now you have to stop talking like that it's so nuts there is no way he knows more about boats why are you even saying that yeah my god gary get into his self-esteem man uh you know i i have to say this about chase so typically you go you know he's a nice guy, hard worker. He's a bit of an overachiever. Has an eagle tattooed on his chest.

Oh my God, that tattoo. It's that he's the annoying perpetual overachiever. Everyone's had one in the workplace. It's eight in the morning. You're walking in there. You got your coffee. You're exhausted.

You don't want to work at that fucking insurance office. Then you get this fucking over. Yeah, I'm ready to make my way to the bathroom to fake like i'm taking a dump for two hours next thing i go i got to 10 then i get my 10 minute break right right by the time i get to noon i've only actually worked for an hour and five minutes right right right and then you got goody two shoes over there dancing through the tulips going like you know i have an idea let's all work harder and it's like you want to fucking die bitch all right you want to hear what happens next uh glenn breaks the good news to the charter guests

by the way that hypothetical was not directed oh no that wasn't gendered i was like i shouldn't use the b word but i i meant it in like uh in this lord of the flies kind of insurance salesman kind of hypothetical like that person's like a gnat. So like, there's like a tough guy, like you want to die, you know, like that kind of thing. No apologies needed. Sorry, sorry. I think people understood.

Well, anyway, Glenn breaks the good news to the charter guests. There's not a lot of wind, so he won't be killing anyone today. And Primary Kim, she's just so damn nice. No knives will fly. I believe she said,

that's okay, Glenn. I didn't need to have a meat tenderizer hurled at my orbital socket today. We're on vacation. It's a day wasted. We've got lemon bliss balls to eat. Patrick, who could be disturbed

by not sailing when you've got a day ahead of you and lemon bliss balls in front of you? What a name. We've also got some smoked salmon eggs, Benny. And, you know, Alicia is really, I would just say, like, she's just popping off. She's popping off. I mean, she's really excelling this season.

I mean, the bourbon tasting was fantastic. Yeah, I thought that was going to be a huge mistake, you know. Right, right, right. I guess it worked out. Yeah. So Daisy is under fire a bit. So when she sees that, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no.

I'm at the good part. I'm at the good place. Okay, so Daisy is told that Lucky has been sent out to do some tender work on their way to the beach, correct? Am I moving, like, way ahead? Yeah, you're flying, man. What is going on? Daisy, let's start off. Daisy's a little insecure right now

because she's behaving like a horrible stew, right? So she needs to get on top of these toilets and make sure there's lots of toilet paper, okay? And then you got that goddamn galley with that fucking eel that's still around. And then we get this first part of iliana's uh childhood trauma which uh evolved into her being a sea rat or not apparently she uh lived in a scene or not well there's some uh much more intense trauma that we learned uh from later on from iliana um oh yeah but right now i thought this was the trauma

she actually lived out a scene of the film Anaconda as a small child. A snake got snuck in her house and her fucking father. Why am I swearing so much? Forgive me. Had to chop its head off. I feel bad about the B word, but who am I? Who am I? Could be dangerous.

Could be dangerous. It's Jonathan Voight from Anaconda. Oh, right. Yeah, he's trying to fuck jennifer lopez he's like i've been with the woman in a long time could be dangerous it's such a fantastic movie what a great death that goes down in top 10 best uh film deaths in history and where in the top 10 is it uh 10 he gets swallowed by a gigantic anaconda and then he gets regurgitated right right only to be eaten again. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But not before blinking to some of his fellow cast members. Hello, fellow cast members. What's number one on the list of top ten movie deaths? Oh, let's see. Scarface, maybe. Oh, that's a great one.

Yeah, that's a great one. Throwing literally a bucket of Coke up his nose before firing off that machine gun. Oh, I know a great one. Say hello to my little friend. I know a fantastic one. And it would be pretty close to the top three.

Sways and point break. After this entire journey of him trying to find the biggest wave is allotted that opportunity by Keanu, Johnny Utah, to go and surf. And that will ultimately kill him in the end. I mean, what a beautiful ending. Point break.

What a film. All right, let's get back to the show. Okay. Yeah, yeah. All right, so then this is when some of the guests decide they want to do some water toys, but then we got to pull an audible here because someone forgot to charge the damn batteries.

The e-foils are not charged, so we're going to take the guests out via tender. Now, Lucky says that she cannot go, and Gary has quite a bit of a little shit fit here. I mean, the guy is, he's got something up his butthole, and I think it's a stick. He goes, oh, this is great. Glenn's like, what are you talking about? You know that kind of thing where you just toss a fly out so that somebody can bite?

Really immature behavior. Well, it is. It's unbecoming of a manager. Keep it to yourself or have a conversation with somebody about it. Here's the other thing. And most of us that have a supervisor or manager, the worst thing you can do, and you try and avoid all your skills,

never start the manager making a list on you or a dossier because it's all downhill from there. Nobody wants a dossier. That's where chase is with Gary right now. He's already on his S list. That means now every little thing he does or some things that he doesn't do, but something gets messed up. It will be assumed that is his fault.

Yeah. You got to kind of nip that in the bud, you know, um, exhibit a Idris Elba and Jim Halpert, you know, they just did not get along from day one. You know.

What film was that? It's one of the latter seasons of The Office. Oh, okay. Yeah. Wow. No, Idris and, or Idris and, what's his name? Who's that guy? Krasinski.

Oh, John Krasinski. John Krasinski, who's a secret agent now. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kalen likes that show. What was I going to say? I was going to say this. People do that thing where they try to magnet you to inquire about their well-being.

I don't do it anymore. I call this person. I talk to her frequently I answer the phone I go how you doing she goes I'm okay I go alright great and I just moved on I can't do it right now

I'm not going to inquire about your mental well being let's just talk about business Gary you got to take that stick out of your butthole alright are we too crass tonight Caitlin are we too crass tonight no Caleb, are we too crass tonight? No, you're all right. Okay.

There you go. I trust him. He's a producer and all. You trust him? Yeah. I feel like he has a very low barometer for what's, you know... Offensive?

Yeah. So Chase takes the guests out, professional pride and whatnot. He speaks of professional pride and whatnot. And Gary... whatnot he speaks of professional pride and whatnot and gary um i guess i'm i'm gonna you know double back to this but i i understand gary's pipe because i feel as though chase is kind of like the eddie haskell of the boat a little bit you know what i mean i like that it's like a you just fucking be a sea rat okay this is not the military you're all drunks just calm down

uh so daisy wakes up and is told that lucky is on the tender she's very upset so she takes a little uh lookski off the bow and we go into Michael Mann mode, right? Val's going out one door. De Niro's going out another. I mean, the anticipation and the suspense is really ratcheting up here with this little triptych. Daisy is seeing a betrayal on the horizon. And I don't know. The feud between interior and exterior begins here. And I hope it continues because Daisy can really get on one.

Yeah, I'm a little concerned that they patched things up a little too quick for my liking this episode. There were some apologies made. I won't do it again. And I hope that's not the last of it. Well, you see, Gary's an experienced Bushido now in the ways of Daisy. He knows not to fight. And I think that we want him a little more naive.

Because he says that it's easier to lick her ass than it is to fight. And I was like, fuck it. Lick her ass? Jesus. Is there a lull there? No.

Was there a lull there? Tiny. Yeah, there was a bit of a lull there. Oh, Was there a lull there? Tiny. Yeah, there was a bit of a lull there. Oh, all right. Well, maybe we should move on then. But you know what I mean? I mean, it's like when you call butts assholes. Kissing ass is different than licking ass.

I mean, that's a completely different thing. It's very intimate. It's very intimate. It's kind of a Las Vegas thing, you know? Yeah, or birthdays. Birthdays. Christmas. You eat ass on Christmas?

Well, I don't want to get into my personal bedroom matters. All right. So, tell us what happens next. Well, the tender returns, and Chase admits to Lucky that he's got his eye on Mads. He's got his eye on Mads. Men need to understand. Women are not the people to confide in. Oh, hell no.

They'll back-channel your ass. And women vice versa. You can't tell guys anything about a guy they're interested in. It'll fucking telephone right to them. We saw that play out in this episode. Yeah, we saw it play out in this episode. This has happened to me before. It's happened to you before, I'm sure.

Oh, sure, sure, sure. You tell a girl's friend not to tell the girl? Yeah. Instantaneously. Oh, it's like telling her to her face. Why need the middleman? You don't need the middleman. Don't need the middleman. All right the middle man. I'm going to do a

meanwhile. Meanwhile, Glenn speaks to the wind gods because he'd really like to injure or maim someone today. But they have refuted him because of the amount of blood he's spilled. They said, we cannot heed your calls anymore. You're a tainted pact. I was going to say,

as you pointed out, Lucky immediately relays this information to Mads that Chase likes her more than a friend. And apparently Chase lacks the only two traits that she requires in order for you to have sex with her. You make her laugh and you breathe. And this sucker came up short. Yeah, he doesn't have any riz.

That's what the kids mean, game? Yeah, he has't have any riz. That's what the kids mean, game? Yeah, he has a lack of riz, and that really makes Mads not attracted to him. But you did lay out the criteria for entry. What was it, breathing and being humorous? Yeah, laughing. Yeah, I don't think any guy on this boat short of Sea Dog is going to be able to accomplish this. No one's really funny. I mean, Alex isn't funny. He's talking about

doing his hair for 45 minutes and then almost drowning because he's so drunk. We'll get to his self-actualization right now. We have quite a bit of a douchebag moment here from Alex. I enjoyed it. Who really has a transparent moment with

the below deck audience um he says that he is exclusively dated models with daddy issues and when he admits that in this kind of bashful uh rosy-cheeks cadence says, well, that was a self-actualization moment. Self-actualization is one of the peaks of cognitive well-being. I'll just pull a definition here. Self-actualization can be generally thought of as the full realization of one's creative, intellectual, and social potential through internal drive. Realizing you're into chicks with commitment issues is not self-actualization.

I mean, it's sacrilegious to speak of this kind of thing like that. Well, I was also thinking, like, what's that dating profile look like? He likes long walks on the beach. He likes someone who likes wine. He likes a girl with a great smile. And also a dad who died driving head-on into a semi-high on PCP. Right, right. I bet his dating profile is like, I'm into these things, and you know Mick Riva?

You remember Mick Riva? Mick Riva. You know Mick Riva? Uh-uh. From Malibu Rising? Bad dad. All right. Oh, I want to tell this young man,

if he's in Mets, he better be able to make her laugh. Or breathe, which he failed at. Both. Later in the evening. So lunch is salmon nori with pickled ginger and radishes.

We've also got pork belly with homemade boughs. We've got that eel and tuna rolls and a little black rice. Beautiful lunch, light and also late. The eel will bum me out quite a bit if we talk too much about it, but just so the audience doesn't think that we're whores, that poor animal, I mean, they're disgusting creatures, and they look evil. They probably are evil.

You know, they weren't Ursula's right and left-hand man for no reason. But, I mean, that thing was in a goddamn cooler for at least 24 hours, just like, what kind of hell am I in right now? Then it was beheaded. Jesus Christ. I mean, we're all imbued with a little spirit of the divine and it's just such a waste for that thing

to end its life like that. Just brought a tear to my eye. Me too. You know, I work in the industry, Dylan. There's nothing sadder than seeing an animal like that die they're actually intelligent animals uh i will say this though um you know for our fellow uh friendly animals that we like to eat uh i think we got about 80 years of this culinary uh renaissance before we're all eating fucking soy and whatever uh whatever else uh else isn't alive.

And then Bill Gates, much like Gowdy, will die before he sees his soylent product sweep over the world. My masterpiece. And I got hit by a bus before I could see it all unfold. People die at the age of 35. The chitin. They're trying to feed your children chitin. It's the bugs. They're trying to feed your children chitin. It's the bugs.

They're turning to frogs, gay. Can you believe we're the number one below deck recap podcast? Hi, nice to meet you. My child actually did die. Get out of here, you crisis actor. I mean, how rude. So rude.

That's not your name. All right. Lunch is good. Yeah. I feel like Alicia's pulling a Rachel here a little bit. Not in that she is seeing visions of burnt criminals in crude stone prisons, but she's just biting off a little bit

more than she can chew. You don't need to make a homemade pappardelle when you're serving 50 people. You don't need to make homemade bowels. It's an eastern dough that, I don't know if you've done it 15 times before, maybe, but she's biting off a little bit much.

She needs to have a Captain Sandy kind of conversation where Sandy goes, you know, I've been spending a lot of time down there, and I feel like you're committing to too many dishes. Why have you been spending so much time? Then she whips out her phone and on Instagram, she's like, more things that look like this. Right, right.

So Daisy and Gary have a little chat where Gary says that it's easier to lick Daisy's ass. We talked about that. We prepped for dinner, but we'll get there in a second. First, let's get to the rope swing. I'm not sure how this thing is allowed on boats that charter guests. The liability here is

absolutely insane. We've seen this take down many an older woman with you know forget even talking about wait you need to have like bicep strength to hold yourself up i mean i am shocked that we have not had somebody clip the lip of that boat before tumbling kind of on a sideways axis like outstretched Gumby into the water which feels like cement at a certain height. Well this charter gas almost lost a tit.

Yeah. I mean I just have little tiny tits but imagine if you really slam the water with a boob. There's a lot of stuff in there. I don't know what it's made of but sounds like it could hurt. All right.

So are we at dinner now? We're at the menu and I guess one of these tastings, bourbon tastings. Yeah. Yeah. So it's going to be a bourbon tasting. Gary looks over the girls doing the table skates, but we know he's not looking over the quality of the table skate, but rather what he's thinking.

No, he's drinking in pheromones. First course is local peaches, brie, and prosciutto. Second course is an overcooked lamb that is not overcooked at all. But first, these guests, my God, are they sweethearts. Now, the lamb will have whipped feta and sumac onions, but before the course is served, they remember that they left some towels down in their bathroom. Now, I want to say this.

Kim, I know you're listening, and I appreciate this. And Dylan and I definitely want to come on you and Justin's show. But I will speak to you about this. You are paying for a luxury vacation. Yes, you can be polite. You can be cleanly. You don't need to be a filthy pig like that person from the last charter. But hear me out. It's a little too much. We don't need to be a filthy pig like that person from the last charter. But hear me out.

It's a little too much. We don't need people this polite. You're kind of setting the standard off. I saw the trailer for next week's episode. They got some fucking meathead barking orders again. You're going to throw the sea rats into a mental tailspin here. Yeah, next week we have some log of gobble ghoul. But this week, these people are on one end of the spectrum that is uh

incorrect behavior but it's much better than being on the other end which is uh slamming your suitcases down telling the sea rats to unpack oh don't mind that that's just my anal beads i cleaned them recently it's like fucking unpack your own shit. My God. But yes, these people are very sweet. So the third course is brisket atop a cornbread that looks to be done in a water bath or rather custardy. I mean, the meal is just fantastic. It looked delicious. The meal is fantastic. I'd give it 91 pots.

It's a perfect course for ugly Americans who are trying to sip down bourbon and I'm not saying they are ugly Americans but a lot of these sea rats are foreigners so they all think we're ugly Americans shouting about how we won the revolutionary war because we threw all that tea in the water

or something like that I don't know so sea rat sadness trauma survivors guilt um alicia's mother poor thing had two children die uh before alicia um yeah comedy show so let's move on my goodness gracious christ that's so sad uh wonderful a evening concludes with anti-climactic disaster poseidon has woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning his target Wonderful evening concludes with anticlimactic disaster. Poseidon has woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. His target?

Parsifal 3. Yeah, but unlike that moron from last season, almost killed everybody, I guess Alex did a pretty good job. Who was the moron? I forget his name, but he got fired for it. Did he really? Yeah.

Remember? Because Glenn was going to give him a chance, and he's kind of milling about on the boat the next couple of days and Glenn's just giving him that stare that so many unfortunate young women in Europe have seen those eyes. Oh, yeah. But fortunately for this young man,

he was just terminated and not killed and cut up in little pieces and thrown in a bag and buried in cement. Yeah. And we don't know for a fact that they're all buried in cement. Yeah, and we don't know for a fact that they're all buried in cement. Some definitely are. I think he uses more corrosive elements for others.

But they are slain and bloodlet. I was in jury duty one time and there was a cop in there as a juror, you know? Yeah. And you get bored in a jury. You know, the trial is really boring, so we're supposed to be deliberating. But the topic of making a body disappear came up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cops said just use acid. Yeah. But the thing about it, though, is, and this is why, you know, we talked about it on an episode recently. The perfect crime is really hopping somebody up on booze at a high floor with a balcony and just tossing them over. And just go, the guy, you know, he slipped down. Now, the thing, I always get paranoid about this stuff, but, you know, the old saying, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're coming for you.

You know, they would find the fingerprints on the ankle, wouldn't they? On the smushed body below, wouldn't they find the fingerprints on the ankle? I don't know how you commit crimes today. Well, Dylan, a guy got away with this in Long Beach. Him and a co-worker were on a business trip with each other and he threw her off the balcony.

Yeah. And I think he got found guilty. He was like, what is this? I thought we were cheating on our spouses. Yeah, that's what he said.

Yeah. So they did the fingerprints. His fingerprints were all over. Right. And also he'd been in that room, which was her room. But not enough motive to convict, right?

No, he got off. Wow. Back with his wife, living in Arizona. He did it on PMZ, I think. Wow, wow, wow, wow. Yeah.

So anyways, keep going. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. So anyway, let's see. It's next morning breakfast. This is where Gary starts getting a little prickly towards Chase again. And I have to say this about the nature of their relationship at this point. They're both to blame for this.

Yeah, absolutely. Chase is annoying, and then Gary's being a lunatic. Oil meet water. Mm-hmm. You know? And Chase is like... like a grapefruit bubbly, you know?

And Gary's like acrid olive oil. They just don't mix. So we dock. Lucky continues to break shit you know we talked about it last episode there's a there's a bad edit and then there's like there's something wrong here um because you know there there are saints that like help you with things like saint anthony Anthony, I think, helps you find stuff. This is like one of Lucifer's angels is following this young woman. I mean, she has almost died every single episode. Yeah, or that thing that chased those kids in that airport,

and they blew up the plane and then went around and killed them. It took like two hours, you know? Yeah, yeah. Final destination guy. Oh, yeah. Or that thing in, what's that movie called, where people just run around for an hour and a half? It Comes at Night or something?

Oh, yeah. It Follows. It Follows. Love that. Oh, what a film. You know, I thought you hated movies without endings. That one kind of has an ending. Does that movie have an ending?

I don't think that they beat it. Yeah. I remember them beating it. And I think they're doing a sequel, so I guess not. Oh, nice, nice, nice. How many beans would you give it? Oh, probably 8.9. I fucking love that movie.

Okay. I threw some beans at him because we didn't ask what his knots were, and I feel bad about that. Well, that's his rating system. No, his... No, I know that. Oh, okay. All right, so we bidded you to some of the best guests we've ever had, but how did they tip?

We'll get there. Chase says he smells like an elephant scooch. Lucky blasts her boobs with hot water, and we move on to a little chat between the boys. Pat, how does this go? Well, I think it's pointed out by C-Dawg that Gary's never had to have any competition with fellow crew members for whatever reason that is. C-Dawg's looking forward to kicking the shit out of his dick.

Right, right. Well, you know, with competition, when you only have one person, take the show that we used to recap, Bachelor. We got one guy and sometimes up to 28 ladies. They're all falling over each other to fight for this douchebag. You can even be gay

and 26 women will fall over. I'm referring to Colton from season 25. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, so Gary – And this is a metaphor for Amazon's dominance of the retail space, correct? Yes, exactly. It's similar to that. Right, right, right, right.

So anyway, so Gary now is off his footing. He's typically very confident and he seems very desperate and pathetic now, especially at that dinner table. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I don't know. I think this is going to be fun. Anyway, do you want to see the tip meeting?

No. Okay. Chase, these mic arms are so ridiculous. It's like, calm down. Chase says that he's going to go after Mags. Or Max. And, again, I love these old boy talks. Like, you know, there's no say on the other side.

Right. You know? Like, Chase, you're in for a rude awakening, buddy. You've not factored in the variable of consent or interest well he thinks he's at a 70s uh key party right right uh hey uh those are my keys so uh hop in the uh to be in the porch yeah to be fair to him um she they did make out so i understand how he could be confused oh that, that's right. Yeah. But Gary says, like, okay, cool, bro. Yeah, cool, bro. Yeah, cool, bro.

I won't go after her then. And, you know, it's just you can tell that it's a slithering, slithering lie from the get-go, and Chase sees it too. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Oh, no. We have to get to the tip meeting. Yeah. 23 grand. That's 22.5 each. That's a decent tip. Oh, no. We have to get to the tip meeting. Mm-hmm. Yeah. 23 grand.

That's 22.5 each. That's a decent tip. Decent tip, but they were so nice and so easy to deal with that it doesn't need to be 30K. Right. You know what I mean? What would you rather have? Oh, I'd rather have the money. Yeah.

Yeah, because then I can hate you while I'm serving you. Right. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like it's better for bonding for the Sea Rats. Similar hates. That's what bonds people. My wife and I always say, hating similar things bonds us. Yeah.

Similar hates. Right, right, right. Yeah, I mean, the Nazis were extremely unified. Really looking out for one another you know what i mean because they they fucking all hated uh you know right jews they hated handicapped people it's like guys calm down yeah my goodness but you're right yeah uh you're gonna to say Gary announced something over the radio? Yeah, he goes, ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.

It's time to get fucked up. I thought he said Wonder Twins, form of drunken, horny sea rats, ready to make bad decisions. Right, right, right, yeah. So Gary is not even off the boat, and he's already hitting on Mads. Then he's getting onto the bus telling Chase that he's going to hook up with the stragglers of the group. Gary,

you're acting a fool. People are, you know, the guy's got to be careful because, you know, he's been sailing on good graces, you know, because he's been a bit of a coxswain but he hasn't done anything too nasty. This is nasty stuff.

This is what happened on last season. We had Camille and Alyssa. Well, not of yachting. Are you referring to the season we've recapped prior to this? Yeah, with Captain Lane and Captain Sandy. This is breaking girl code. This is also breaking guy code. But Gary does not care because he is just

a fucking deckhand we'll get there in a sec so um we get to dinner uh the sea rats are very bothersome to the people who are just trying to patron the restaurant oh they're sigging it up man they gotta leave every five minutes to go sig it up yep um and as they sig it up chase once again confirms that he is into Mads in front of his boss. Gary is like a like a octopus for a vagina. He's got like eight different tentacles, tentacles, just keeping everything open. He's sitting on Daisy. He's throwing a shot at Mads.

He's checking if, you know if Alicia's up for it tonight. I mean, he's like... He's got a lot of tentacles. He's grabbing Alicia. We call him feelers out there. He's got a lot of feelers. Right, right, right. Yeah, he also, I think...

Suction cups. I think with Mads, I think he sees her as that antelope with the bum leg, you know? Run along the other antelope, can't catch up, he's going to take her out. That's how I think he sees Mads.

Yeah. Daisy's too smart for him. I mean, if an antelope has a bum leg, I mean, it really stands no chance. You have to be in peak physical condition to evade the coordinated attack of a pride of lions. Very difficult to overcome, even with a couple of legs that are just firing on all cylinders. I still can't watch this nature stuff.

I never watch it. I turn off the TV, and I think anybody who really gets into it is weird. Why are you sitting there watching five lions tear apart an animal that's not even dead yet? Yeah. That's sad.

So sad. That antelope probably had two kids at home. Didn't make it home. Imagine the other antelope telling him, what happened to mom? And they have to lie. You know, they're like, I don't know. She went for a stroll. They're not going to say, hey, we left her.

Right, right, right. We had to get away. And then the kid grows up, you up, buys his first parental advisory CD, and then he sees an antelope get ripped to shreds, and he puts the dots together. He goes, that's what happened to my mother. He dives deeper into the world of that parental advisory CD, and he really gets pretty angsty.

It's sad, man. That's what Gary thinks of that. So we get back to the boat. Both vans irrespectively speak of cocks that grow erect to the left. Very bizarre. I don't think left, per se. I think they mean it actually bends kind of upward at an angle. I used to have a friend named Fusey, and we saw his penis, and we nicknamed him the hook. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's, it's actually called a Cuervo.

Have you heard of that? No. A Cuervo. A Cuervo. Okay. Yeah. You go ahead and take it. I'm going to look up the definition. Okay. All right. So yeah, then we cut back to the boat. We're all back there. Boy, I guess it'll go out to those clubs anymore. Anyway, but why bother? Why spend all that Sea Rat money? So the jacuzzi's bubbling. Shots are being taken. Sigs are being smoked. And just then, the goddamn party ends for most of these partygoers.

Yeah, no, I'm not really finding it. I typed in Cuervo penis. And all that's coming up is Eva Cuervo Latin. coming up is Eva Cuervo Latin Eva Cuervo has an affair with Fernando Guillen Cuervo seen in Bulgarian

lovers www wow yeah yeah that sites really given Pornhub a run for their money, you know? You know, these porn titles are insane. Who comes up with the porn titles? Alts. Slams.

Listen to this one. Alts. Eva Cuervo. I mean, this is just crazy. You know, this is why people complain. Hey, guys, I can't listen to your show with the kids in the van. Oh, maybe we'll bleep that. Oh, some of it, right?

Maybe we'll bleep that. Well, anyway, they leave Alex to drown, which is creating quite the opportunity for Gary to move in on Mads. Right, right, right. Finally, Alex, you know, by the, I guess, nearly death of his, God, I can't talk. Anyway, he goes to bed. Gary makes out with Mads. Right, right, by the nearly death of his... God, I can't talk. Anyway, he goes to bed. Gary makes out with Mads.

Right, right, right. Okay, so yeah, Alex does almost die. And that was very close. People talk about drowning in a bowl of soup. It can happen. And it's very, very scary. And I think the sea rats need to be careful. I mean, we've heard countless tales of people getting a little bit too relaxed in the coos

and slipping into kind of a beautiful death in that you are back in a womb of sorts. And then you kind of descend on the river Styx. Hey, case in point, it happened to Aaron Carter two months ago. Is that what happened to him? Well, I mean, there was 18 keyboard cleaners emptied out right next to the bathtub, but not the same. He did in fact drown in a bathtub. Oh, it also happened

to Anne Heche. Oh, wait. No, Anne Heche turned herself into a human missile and blew through someone's house, lighting herself and the house on fire. Completely different. All right, so Gary and Mads make out. Jump in the iTunes ratings and reviews.

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I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat, say goodbye. Later, dudes!