Another Below Deck Podcast - Troubles with Bacon | Below Deck Down Under S4 E4

Episode Date: February 24, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down Baldur’s gate 3, Russians, Iron Chef, alopecia, dead weight, grapefruit juice, stingrays, bowl cuts and more from Bravo's Below Deck Down UnderPATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

A fillet of beef with warm white bean salad rounds this meal of a half a spring roll and half a filet and white beans. It's a beautiful dinner. Okay. Eleven pots. The guys go down. We do a fucking Thai lobster spring roll and then go into a Tuscan white bean and beef dish. There's no cohesion. It makes zero fucking sense.

Ben is on Percocet. Hi, hello, welcome to another brand spang. A new episode of Bad TV. I'm Dylan. Let's have. Permission to come aboard. Kaylin is here. Hello. Like I told you, and listen, we're not going to get into this too much, but Kaylin is in the

throws of a really, really sick addiction to something called Boulder's Gate 3. Now, this is a drug that I've peddled to many people, and I'm starting to feel the effects of guilt because Kalin has turned into a shell of himself. I mean, he's a father, and he's not operating at a high clip right now. Isn't that right, Kailen? Oh, I've pretty much ignored my two children for the past three days entirely. I mean, think about that. Well, I'm going to call, what's that show called Intervention?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If they can get that girl off huffing, they can help this young man. What's the show where the guy eats, he eats like couch cushions, like he eats like stuffing? Oh, yeah, that's a thing. It's my strange addiction? My strange addiction. Is that what that is? How about that chick that was in love with a bridge?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I love her. Is that real? I think so. Well, we've got, and are you doing okay? You got the PlayStation out of the house. I had to remove my gaming console from my home because it got so bad, so I'm okay now. You know what you should do?

Try taking up drinking. I mean, you can laugh about it, but have you thought about it? I have, and I already drink, so I wouldn't. I got a dealer. Yeah. He's got a great guy. There's some options out there. I'm just saying.

Yeah. He can get you a fucking incredible price on buzzballs. Big, big giant buzz balls. Penny's on the dollar. Yeah. But it's only a licorice version. It's a fire sale. Let's get into below deck.

Okay. Did you get to multi-class at all or are you just? No, I didn't get there. Wow. I had to cut it off before. The kid hasn't even put a point into Paladin. I mean, it's crazy. Video games are a waste of time.

No, they're not. They're a fun way to unwind, but they can be a problem. I told him when he started, I fell asleep sitting up playing that game. It is a problem. I didn't have a child at that point, but still. Of course, you haven't read Gene Simmons' first book about finance. Unless you've made your first $100,000, don't take a weekend off. Gene Simmons.

James Simmons of Kiss wrote a book about money. About money? And I always remember that line. Unless you have your first $100,000, don't take a weekend off. You know, it's like just because you're a Jew doesn't mean you get to write a book on finance, right? Well, you were in Kiss, okay? Kiss. Kiss.

That's not how we talked. Let's get into below deck. We have Annette and her polo husband joining the show. More importantly. Give me an H, give me an A. Give me a T, give me an E, right? But more importantly, what? We have the Balk and Biscuit back.

Balkan Biscuit is back. Let's give your thoughts and knots there, Dale. PSAs. Oh, yeah. Speaking of the Balkan Biscuit, Kailen, I got to get the C-Rat-Con from you. You have it. Okay, yeah, we got to get the C-Rat-Con. I think we'll drop that exclusively for the $10 tier.

They need some. No, $5. Come on. Give it to them. They get too much. They get too much. But I'm trying to sell the $5 tier because we've had so many new patrons come in. I want to show them how generous we.

We'll talk about it. I want to be a little tyrannical and say, if you want C RackCon, upgrade to C RackCon. But we'll talk about it off, Mike. Yeah, I shouldn't have done that. At the $5 tier, we have Love is Blind. And I cannot tell you how much fun we are having with that. Oh, my God. I think we just laid down our best two episodes we probably ever laid down.

People are in our feed telling us how hilarious it is. Someone broke their, I guess their Achilles heel running to listen to the episode. I hope she's okay. I miss Katie. Katie and I did sketches. together. We were at the UCB together in the early odds. But anyways, yeah, people are really loving it. And so are we. I feel, of course we can't really replicate the magic of Winehack. That was a dazed and confused, just Saladay of bliss.

But I think this gets like fairly close. I'm having such a good time with this season and I actually think that it's a really, really good season. As I've commented on the podcast, there is a girl there. Her name is Bree. She's nicknamed herself Breezy. She, her voice, everything that comes out of her mouth is so nauseating. I have recommended that she can only date a man that's hearing impaired. Uh-huh, for sure.

And also, you know, I'm not saying that Breezy should be eliminated from contention for everyone when thinking of a nickname, but it is kind of calling and referencing a man with a whalecock who had beaten the shit out of multiple. I mean, he's immensely talented. I'm not trying to take that away from him, but, you know, maybe we'll go with a different name. Also, Traders. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

By the way, if you want to learn how to play Traders, and I think we have a friend of the show, Frazier, who may, in fact, be a contestant on there. I will call Frazier, and I will give him my three rules of winning traders. And his name's Fraser. Fraser, that's what I said. That's what I said. I know. That's how close we are. I know, I know.

And I know how to win, and I have predicted pretty much every single episode what will happen. So if you wanted some insight on the game traders so that you can go to a cocktail party and brag how good you are by stealing my thoughts, listen to our coverage of that. Okay. What are you doing with the board over there? I was just lowering past levels a little bit. Oh, too loud. I'm excited. Yeah.

All right. Let's get into the episode. And you can find all that at patreon.com slash another podcast network. I tried to change the URL. Somebody has patreon.com slash bad TV. Wouldn't you know? Can you find them and hurt them? Sure.

That is a producer. That's a producer. Okay. The old Kailen would have said, no. That's a good point. He's lying about that. But he's learned to say yes, even though you mean no.

That's right. Gosh, the strides. He's growing. All right. Let's get into it. My Thoughts and Potts, Middling episode, 60 Potts, but I want to say Annette is just the worst. Annette is one of these people that because of the gilded hallways, you've kind of forgotten how to operate just regularly. And by that I mean trying to, you can't figure out how to eat a strip of bacon because you're so wealthy.

Yeah. I've never seen a person try and eat a piece of bacon. the fork, you dumbass. Right. You eat it with your fingers. She's a dumb ass. Also, Ben, I'm sorry, can we go back to the bacon thing? There are things that you do with your fingers in it.

There are things that made me so much. Okay, because there are utensils, that does not mean that your fingers are now rendered. They don't have to work anymore. Right, exactly. Okay. You use a fork to give your husband a blow job. You use your fingers. Right.

Pick up the dead swine. Yeah. Insert it in your piehole. Right, right. I don't like Annette either. And she does this thing that I can't stand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is that something's impacting an entire group of people.

We're all feeling it. There's nothing we can do about it. Right. But she feels the need to vocalize it. Right, right, right. And forget vocalizing it. I feel as though you may be speaking of the heat. That's correct.

Forget vocalizing. Let's lay on the ground and pretend like emergent services are on their way because I'm on the brink. of death. That is right. Cannot stand this one. I can't. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Annette. You know what? I just talked to God. He just handed me the thermometer. Let me, let me, let me. It's called a thermometer. Dear Pat, it's coming down. It's called a thermometer.

Thank you, God. Let me turn it down for this annoying witch. Yeah. Yeah. And that she has that, you're welcome C-Rine. That Dolores-Umbridge cadence where it gets kind of high and It's just pure evil. Ben. I know we've got... Let's call him has been. He is so sad.

He is so sad. I cannot think of him other than being has been. Yeah. You know, I'm kind of having fun with this double dragon of pots and thoughts. I think we should just do this all the time. No, no, no. I'm sorry. Did that come off as passive aggressive?

Because I didn't mean it to be. I really enjoyed the double dragon. but I'm stepping all over your thoughts and not. Has been, has been better because he is, what we're talking about, pairs and bombing runs. We're losing focus, right? You know,

I burnt my hand on a stove a couple of weeks ago. Oh, really? I was bombed when I was eight years old. What is going on in that kitchen? Your perfection. So anyways, At one point, he's asking this Bosnian beauty who's never really, I don't know if she can make a PB&J, what they should do for lunch. He has no idea what's going on.

He's late for everything. It's confusing. And then we get to Daisy, who I don't mind bad managers. I mind bad managers who try to gaslight light people into thinking they're good. that's and those usually come hand in hand but daisy is just so frustrating to watch she's not a bad person or anything like that just if i was to work in a professional environment with her i would just be like get me the fuck out of here anyways 60 pots thought it was okay okay i am like in this season so far forgive me daisy perhaps you're a nice person but i love how you've been shoved aside as far as

storylines, only because I've had enough of you. With sailing, she was the focal point, which I'd argue destroyed that franchise. Well, Gary's sexual assault. I know, but she couldn't help herself but get in the way of just being the focus of everything. Wherever the cameras were, she was making out with the guy where the camera was facing. There was a tri-force of destruction on that show. And we're a little bit precious about it because we loved, that was our favorite iteration of this show. the knives were flying it was parsnips the captain was a tiny little serial killer there was everything

about it that we loved um Gary Colin and Daisy they that Trinity destroyed that franchise it's really and now she's here and she's been sideline yeah thank god okay um I'm having a lot of fun mainly because of the drama in the kitchen and I welcome the Balkan biscuit yeah I welcome Now, I went online and I saw there were mixed reviews about the Balkan Biscuit being back. Okay. Okay. This is what I'm going to say. No matter your personal.

What do you mean mixed reviews? Well, they were like, oh, she's back again. I don't want her back. We've had enough of her. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay. Let me tell you something. She's good TV.

And she's good for one reason. And it's kind of touched upon in the episode. She's fucking Russian. She's not. Well, she's kind of from that same area. Same fucking area. It's a culture that has frozen their balls off for their entire lives. And they spent a lot of time under the thumb of some little dictator.

Yeah. Okay, that makes you in your inner soul a furious person. You know, I got no fucking idea what Bosnia and Herzegovnia and that you've got Serbia and Montenegro. I don't know. It's a bunch of miserable fucking white people that are drunk on vodka and want to kill each other for something. And get us in the comments and let us know, give us your thermophobic. on what actually happened historically in that region because we actually have no idea. Here's my point.

Okay. Ben has meant his match with her in that galley, okay? Oh, yeah. She has been sent here by Satan himself to make his life help. You're talking about the bringer of light. That is it. Right. Now, and I am here for it.

Now, where is Alicia so I can get some burnt popcorn? This is actually an edible. Great. Okay. Okay. What else do I like here? Nothing. but it was a decent episode of 14 pods.

Okay. Pass code is... There we go. All right. So we've got a new sous chef. Her name will be degraded to assistant chef. Hmm. I kind of think Sue Chef is more...

Low level? I don't think. I think assistant is more low level. I think Sue is more... That's what its intention was, but I think all of the... Galley hand is for sure the most disgusting. I mean, that's...

That's right. You're dishwasher. You're smoking. You're covered in fish scales, fish guts, fish shit. That's what I think of a galley hand, you know? Mm-hmm. But she's an assistant chef.

Now when... Adil, sorry, forgive me. But when I was a big fan of Iron Chef, you know, the Iron Chefs always had two sous. Did you watch the Japanese version, or just the early? No, the American one. Me neither.

Yeah, yeah. Me neither. And I always enjoyed it, and I always thought the sous chefs were just as good and probably owned their own restaurants. That was the level of their cooking. You know the thing that really made me a little peeved? What?

When I was a young boy, and thank you for asking what, when I was a young boy and I would watch the television program, I was thrown for a loop. How could they be this inventive with a mystery ingredient? And then I learned that this whole mystery ingredient, it was a total sham. It was. It was a total sham.

Can I give you? The dry ice and the cornucopia and the pageantry of it all, it meant nothing. It was a complete construct. Now, I want to help the audience out because I did a deep dive on this. To be fair, they only had three hours with the secret ingredient to figure it out. So there was three hours, which seems reasonable if you're going to actually make something decent. If you're going to make a cocktail out of tuna fish, you need three hours, okay? You can't make that on the fly.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Right. Bobby Flay's sous chef. Yeah. She passed away recently. No, that was not his sous chef. That was Cora. Oh, that was Cora's sous chef?

Yes, Anna Borell. Anna Borell, yeah. Do you get the toxicology on her? Yeah, she committed suicide, unfortunately. Can you just flag that real quick? You know, because I really thought that you were going to go the route. that, to be fair to me, and I'm actually a little upset right now.

Every person who's dead, you find a scroll of explicit materials in their blood. It just set a lot of pills on the floor. I'm sorry. I didn't get a list. It just said a lot of pills. Okay, got it.

So when Jason asked Ellie, can you cook? She said, of course not. and he said that's perfect um but ben now has someone who has literally zero experience alicia had some experience she'd spent a season in the galley with serena and it just goes to show you that like we love serena she's a little nutty we are all a little nutty but at least alicia made it through a season with her ben and i'm not going to put it all on ben Alicia's got some demons because she went with alopecia in Canada to ski and and you know and stuff.

I, you know, I should lay off the alopecia. So what? He might have alopecia. So what? I wish I was more smooth-skinned. I mean, come on. Right. Dill?

What the fuck? Here's the other thing. A lot of people, and I don't think I have thick enough skin for this, uh, working in a kitchen, you have to have a tough, thick skin to deal with people like Ben. Yeah. You got to just let it go right through you. because I don't know. I don't know how people get away with this,

but they just, for some reason in kitchens, they feel like they can just call you an idiot. There's this thing in kitchens where there are a lot of holdovers from the years of, 70s and 80s. More aggressive management and procedure. But so many of them, especially the really famous ones,

have recognized a need to soften and that it's fucking insane to talk to people the way that people did in kitchens. Ben has not really learned that lesson because I don't want to get too deep into it, but he's just, you know, not that nice. Alicia now moves to the interior, but he's, I don't know, Alicia's moving to the interior and Mikey is hoping that this means he can see the sunlight. L.O.L, Mikey.

Yeah, yeah, this is great. Yeah, he dreams of being a deke, breathing the fresh air. So, of course, he's only happy to have Alicia. to join the crew. And he quickly deems their relationship, a Batman and Robin type of relationship. As Batman, he will rid Gotham of crime. And as Robin Alicia will clear the shower drains of human fudge.

Right? Remember that charter? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do, I do. And human fudge is disgusting. I'd rather be out there fighting crime. I wouldn't. I wouldn't. Can you, I mean, it's a headache.

It's a headache. Dangling people off of buildings and shit. Where is she? It's like, I'd. Can you imagine Robin, though, staring down at a drain? I know, but it's not forever. Robin gets to kick back, you know. Just got to clean up some fudge and then kick back. Ben and Ellie start off strong. He's laying it on thick. Ellie Should we talk about her fashion really quickly?

Oh, go ahead. Yeah. Ellie is very beautiful fashion. Also looks like a bit of a stripper. Just in this moment. And what that means is that Ben is torched. He's completely torqued. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. So, okay. So Ellie tells us. Have you ever been cuddled, babe? Oh, Jesus Christ. You just matter. Ellie tells us.

that Ben, you know, before the season, had hit her up in her DMs, you know? Ben said that too. Yeah. And he told her he was a fan of her photos. Now, let's translate that into English. Sure, sure, sure. A language that we can all understand. He was telling her he wanted to have sex with you.

Uh-huh. Okay. And I must say this. I'm shocked at his lack of tact at this juncture. This is how old Patty would do this and you'd get the same. You'd probably get some better results. Okay. How was your season, Ellen?

Are you saying this is what you DM her? That's what I DM. Okay. Okay. And then she goes, oh, it was really good. And then you go, uh, so, do you know so and so or blow and blow? You know, whoever, you know, blow and blow. And then you go, uh, if you ever want to talk smack about production, you know that, you know, who's, it was sucked.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, let's grab drinks. Right. Right. Way better. Right. The fact that Ben is like, I love your photos, by. I love your photos.

Man, he is a has been. Okay. Um, so. So, oh, by the way, Jowowl just then pops in the galley. Gee, I wonder what he's up to. Yeah, exactly. He pops in there. But it was equally more confusing.

Like, I don't know what this was where Ben was like, if you see a sweaty man from Afrikaans or wherever the fuck, he's Zimbabwe or whatever, if you see that guy and he's all sweaty, that's Jewel. He's a good man, one of my close friends and a captain in his, what are you doing? Are you trying to have sex with this girl? Like, you don't know that guy. Guys have that tendency. They think forming a bond with another guy shows it.

It's the oddest behavior I've ever seen in the wild. It's really it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, I have a bet. First night out, Jowal makes a move on Ellie. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So Jenna and Alicia talk about boys.

Yeah. Well, they also, they talk about maintaining a relationship in this industry known as yachting. Mm-hmm. Right? I had a thought about this. This is tough. And you just got to, if you're dating someone that's a sea rat. Am I too leisurely today?

Is this too, is this too? You wear this kind of outfit all the time, very comfortable. It's called like podcast comfort. How would you describe these pants? Well, you're wearing sliders with the white socks. Sliders. And then these like, looks like workout yoga pants or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of a mad, mad scramble to get out of the house. And we'd just done laundry and the jeans, every pair. We're at the bottom of the bin. I didn't have time to just loony tunes. I didn't want to loony tunes all the clothes.

So I threw on these joggers. I do feel a little bit more Pilates than podcast right now. And I just wanted to make sure that you're not thrown off by it. I never am. You know, I don't judge. That's why I can't understand why my wife doesn't like me. I'm like a really nice guy. You know?

Yeah. I love marital trauma non-sequiters. They're my favorite. Okay. Oh, yeah. I was back to this. Maintaining a C-Rat relationship. Like, I'm on land and I'm dating someone on a C-Rat.

Yeah. Like, you can't trust them. So I got to thinking, you might as well just chalk it up to like you're dating a porn star. I think that's such a great idea. They're going to do what they're going to do. You just need to accept a lifestyle. So when they come home, you just go, hey, honey, how was your day on the porn set?

And then she comes out. He said, well, Pat, I think my sphincter's prolapsed and my face feels like a glazed donut. But on that, it's peach. Jesus Christ. And then you go, well, honey, let me give you a massage. That's so crazy. No, you just, you got to accept it. It's a little nuts from you.

I got to say, you know, I had an acquaintance in high school. He actually married a porn store. Oh, no, I've, yes, I, I've seen her. Yeah, yeah, she's wonderful. He proposed to her in the lobby of the. LA Fitness and they're divorced. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I saw a video of her having a good chuckle. I'm not going to say other than her doing an interview having a good chuckle. Oh, yeah. Situation she got into. It's fascinating. It's fascinating. She was a real looker. Okay.

Can you flag that? Okay. Ellie and Ben are doing really well. The two of them are chatting away about fucking skiing and mayonnaise and shit. And meanwhile, the polo people are in route to the boat. In fact, they've already arrived as the sea rats are scrambling to get upstairs. Now, this is something that we haven't seen.

I'm not sure for a long time. We've never seen this. Let's not understate just how incompetent this current crop of sea rats is. But Tool doesn't understand English and we'll get to it. I don't falter, but she simply doesn't know what's going on. Well, everyone speaks English on this boat and I fucking need sub-timore. titles. Right. Exactly. But back to Ben. First off, you're talking about has been? Has been. Yeah. There's two people are going to say we're being too hard on him. Uh, there's

two things going on with Ben. One is he thinks he's too good for this show. So he's really not paying attention. Second, he is really fucking off. Really off his game. Yeah. So those two things going together, that's going to really hurt him this season. Right. Right. Um, so the J-Man is very, very upset. and Ben says, you know, sorry we relate. And he says, don't let it. Oh, no, no, no. Jayman says to the polo people, sorry, we relate. And he says, don't let it happen again.

Now, this is one of these kind of, it's this rage-filled joke that the Nouveau Rish can deliver. And it's just, I don't like the vibe of you. I want you to either be quiet about it and then try, to frame me for tax evasion or something later or just get over it, right? It's, you know, am I making sense? No, I don't know what, no, you are. What I'm saying is I don't know what this is called, but human being some do this, and I'll

give you an example of it. It's like when someone makes a joke at your expense and they lie to you, like someone walks in a room and they go, you're like, am I late? And you go, yeah, you're late actually. we lost the account, Bart. And he's like, we lost the account. Yes, and it's all your fault. Kidding, everything's great.

People that do that to you to give you trauma for four seconds. Although you and Kate Casey did that to me a year ago, you fucking assholes. Oh, oh, when we joked that she was pissed at me because I had to leave. But anyway. Oh, yeah, that was funny. But we did a podcast with Kay Casey and Pat had an emergency in the middle of the podcast. He had to go pick up Ellie. And when we ended the episode, Kate and I had agreed that I was going to tell Patrick.

that she was never going to speak to us again. And she did a really good job playing along. But my point is there, you guys weren't doing that, you just having fun. But there is with this particular charter guest a sense of control by having to say that. I could never say that to these people.

Ugh, because I wouldn't like how it went through there. Because Ben, clearly it bothered him. Yeah, it bothered him. And it bothered the J-Man too, because the J-Man is really not happy.

He tells Ben, you have to get your shit together. Don't let that happen again. And we should say that, like, this needs to be treated with a certain amount of severity because we do not see this on this show often. As incommidant as these people are, we just do not see this. It's kind of crazy. So the guests drink their preferred welcome beverage, which is, it's some kind of Shirley Temple mimosa. It looked like trash and a flu because these people are trash. So the Virgin is having a tough time understanding the various polluted tongues of the vessel. Nabu, yes. She doesn't know what she's doing.

Well, she doesn't know what she's doing, but then she's also being spoken to in Afrikaans and fucking scouse here and Australian here and Essex here. She just has no clue what's going on. Sorry, may I interject myself here? Nabu is a very nice person, but casting. Well, Nabu is a planet from Star Wars. Right. What are we doing here? She is perfectly lovely.

but we dealt with this and I'm addressing casting directly. Yeah. Having you learned your lesson from the last season of sailing? Which is no more, by the way. A guy named Davidil. He was fucking dead weight. Dead fucking wait.

I don't remember daffodil. Oh yeah. There's only so many spots for sea rats on a vessel. Daffodil was the... Mustafa isn't making... Isn't holding a nation spellbound. I'm sorry. I like her so much.

Mm-hmm. But no. Yeah. You're talking about like, getting back to Balder's Gate, we can't have. Genesias has to go. We can't have anyone in the party not really serving any use, right? You've got to do something, whether it's heal. Listen, I'm not a healer.

I think it's kind of boring, but we need you. But Tool's not healing anybody. She doesn't understand anything. Okay. she's she's from turkey she doesn't get this but yeah i don't see her engaging in any smut with anyone i don't really i see her getting fired i see her getting fired i and and we'll get to the meeting with captain jason but um more beforehand uh more on that at five so um ben realizes that these guys have standards and it was good to see ben recognize that he had just the luckiest first

charter of all time with these these drug bitches who were just screaming at each other the entire time they did not care about his food these people will now um who has a joow and daisy have a conversation about mike and jo wow i'm just going to keep tacking or you know some meanwhile's well when daisy i i want to pay close attention to the monopolization of labor each and every episode now to her credit, she will let him go for a five-minute reprimanding later on in the episode, but that's about it. Joao asks her, I'm going to need Mikey at some point, right? Because he's been just cleaning shit for the past three days.

And she goes, yeah, 100% whenever you need. Yeah. Okay. All right. So the primary with the eyelashes, Annette, she has a moment where she needs a straw. I don't know if I'm getting too granular here. You are. Actually, what you should focus in on the deal is the fact that she is able to

notice the difference between freshly squeezed grapefruit juice and store bought grapefruit juice. Who couldn't? I wouldn't notice a detail like that, but I'm a filthy fucking normie. No, you would. But she's the kind of person that when you have time to ride a horse and hit a ball with a fucking mallet, you have time to notice those small details. Yeah. So that's a lot of time.

For good or bad. For good or bad. But anyway, when you, when a charter guest asks you to present the ingredients, you, you know, of said drink to you. Yes. You might be fucked. Well, here's the thing. And we can drop the, you know, we're always kind of like manipulated by people that come on to our podcast and talk about this being the best vacation ever.

We've talked to numerous guests who have said, oh, this was awesome. We would do it in a heartbeat. The people that are serving you do not know how to make Bloody Mary's. Okay. let's stop with the whole one of the best vacations ever think. This woman asks for the ingredients to be brought out. Now, luckily, Daisy jumped in and helped Jenna with the construction of the Bloody Mary. But we're left up to Jenna.

She would have no idea what was going on. She would have had to Google it and made a pretty shitty Bloody Mary. But Annette asking for the ingredients, it reminded me a little bit of like that person that I can't remember if it was Ellie, but they were making a daquery and it was purple or something like that. Annette says this tastes sweet. I'm tasting something sweet. And then she brings out one of the most savory ingredients in the culinary world, that being Worcestershire sauce. And she says, oh, that's it. That's what I was tasting. Annette missed me with the bullshit. Okay. Anyways, that was too long around. I was going to say, Haley, friend of the show,

the Red Witch. She told me, while we were out drinking, I go, do you know how to bartend? Like, you're making drinks. She said, now, I just made that shit up. So we get a great talk with Ben and Ellie. He says, when I was in kitchens, I had pans thrown at me. She said when I was eight, I had palms dropped on me.

She wins. Lunch is, I believe, first a, no, it is seared tuna with an udon salad and terriaki chicken. Annette, again, stuffy little rat, says this is not really my cup of tea.

And then we get to the scallop cake, which she's, again, not a fan of them in their raw form. She's not a fan of a cake now. She's a stuffy little rat, but I do agree with her. I was going to say, let's not, let's not,

try to reinvent the wheel. Okay, let's just do a scallops of you. Let's not make a fucking fritter, right, Ben? Unless they were frozen and brought up to room temp, then chop them up and fry them. What do you think? Okay, so, but Tool has a chat with Jason, wherein I got to give it to Jason. I mean, Pat, you know, this reminds me a little bit of that time when I was a younger man. Not, and not young by any stretch of the imagination, but younger. I think I remember this conversation.

Yeah. And I just broke down in tears in front of Pat. I didn't even know Pat. And I was like, Did I hold you? You didn't hold me, but you were like, it's going to be all right. You're going to be okay. Well, I also, I believe we were, there was something with a, with a coworker of ours that was, he had been bestowed with some, some very flattering brands. Yeah. And you were taken aback by it because. It was absurd. And I comfort you by saying what was just set in there was absolutely insane. Right. So don't worry about it.

So it has a similar energy to what Jason is staring down with Batool, aka Nabu here. Jason, after hearing her frustrations with the job recognizes almost instantaneously, there's a lot going on here. There's a lot of baggage here. and I want to make this a home for her. Well, yeah, Dale. And it actually triggers a little C-Rat history. Yeah.

Right. And you know what? Let's just say this old Patty ain't touching that motherfucker one with a 10-foot pole. Who's C-Rat history? Betool. Oh, but-tools. Yeah, I'm going to be very kind here. Yeah.

And let's just let Patty say, I have given a score to a person whose dad was murdered while she was doing a fifth grade play at school. Uh-huh. And I ain't going for this one. Let's just say her family sucks, one point. Okay, sorry. I'm not sure if I didn't get all the Sierra history. Her father told her she has to be a virgin and then he has three wives.

Oh, she gets into mom left. Dad abused her. Her entire family was abusive and suppressed her ability to thrive in existence. Sure. She ran away. Right. I can't even, I can't even. Let's do a 1.5 for that.

You want to get... You know what? You're right. That's, I mean... No. I mean, fucking, you know, you want to go to certain parts of the world. I mean, grind me a river. I mean, that's what's happening to the whole block.

I mean, my God. All right. So anyways, we go see turtles. They came here for the turtles. To be fair to them, these turtles are so beautiful. They are. How about them stingrays, though? I don't like a stingray like a turtle.

I mean, I love a turtle. Me too. Why did you bring up this stingwress? Oh, because they're serial killers, you know. You mean to say that there's one stingray that killed Steve Irwin that is still a foot. He's still out there. Okay. To be fair to him, what was his name, Greg?

His name was Jeff. Jeff. A guy who talked to him after, tried to talk him down off the ledge. I don't know if there's ledges in water. Right. He was like, did you just kill that guy, Jeff? Yeah, yeah. And he's like, yeah.

Yeah, I did. He was fucking with me. Yeah, yeah. He said, wow. Yeah. Okay. He said, you can get in trouble, Jeff. Right.

Right. He said, you should get out of here. To be fair to Jeff, I don't think it's fair to call him a serial killer. That's true. Zero killers kill multiple assholes that bug you and grab onto your tail. Not even assholes, just innocent women. True. Yeah.

Jeff's still out there, though. careful. Jeff plays it off like I was panicked and he was messing with me. Jeff had been waiting to do that. Jeff wanted to do that. He warned him. He said Steve,

knock it off. Yeah. Steve didn't listen. Yeah. No, Steve said, Holy Crocky. This one speaks English. Oh, fuck.

Crikey. He stabbed me in the hall. That was good. And then Greg's like, Jeff, did you just, Jeff? Jeff.

Okay. Anyway. All right. Yeah. We have. All right. So one of the guests almost dies.

Yeah. I love the casualness with which this is reported. Right. How it's the emergency effort is addressed. So the way this reported would be Kaelin,

if Kailen lost an episode, he would tell us that he lost an episode the same exact way that Chihuah says we almost killed somebody. Literally the exact same way. Hey, guys. What's up, Kailen? Hey, man. You know, I was going to upload the episode.

And then, you know, I, it somehow. I'm not sure what happened. The card got infected. Anyway, tomorrow's a new day. And then we would go, listen. I mean, we got to be careful. I mean, just let's just, let's make sure that doesn't happen again.

Someone almost died. And to be fair to the gang, Mikey has been imprisoned. He's been turned into a smegle-like character by Daisy. And this lunatic was also, she just followed a stingray. These people don't know about currents. They're polo people. That's why you don't go on the ocean because you don't know what kind of network of destruction is happening underneath the surface, be it animals or weather. And we've heard of a vacation spot in Mexico where they don't tell the tourists,

like, hey, this fucking little area here kills like five people a summer. You want to talk about Manasuma's revenge. That's the fucking revenge right there. Goddamn colonizers. You think you're going to come over here and just have a good time, have a mango margarita? Absolutely not. You're going to die. I think that's a movie plot. Let me work on that. I'll let you. Yeah. Thanks. Okay. So, We get to Liz, who is clicks away. Jewel is not happy because Mike is not cut out for this. But we'll talk about that later. We get some C-Rat history with Eddie.

I mean, this was, I mean, Pat, please do your worst here because Eddie's C-Rat history came from a great family. I really respect my father and I'm just trying to emulate him. Oh, yeah, yeah. Let me get into that. Let me see if I can find. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Mm-hmm. Okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I'm just unacceptable. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. It's pretty short as far as C-Rad history goes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think you covered most of the beats. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. His mom loved his dad. Mm-hmm. Uh, dad loved mom.

They loved each other. No drugs. No physical abuse. No cheating. No elephant bones, really anywhere. But it does beg the question. Yeah. Why is he so fucking goofy looking?

Right? No. That's not the question it begs. I mean, he's not goofy looking. He's handsome. He's got a goofy gallop to him. He's a goofy guy. Well, he needs to find a new place to get his haircut and not a place where they use a bowl as a guide to cut his hair.

Or he needs to find a barber shop where the staff isn't blind. Okay. I mean, he's goofy looking. Are you talking about Mikey or are you talking about Eddie? No, his hair is a whole other story. Okay. Eddie, he's goofy looking. His hair is horrible.

No. No, his hair, he is a normal haircut. Well, it's, well, normal to some, not this podcaster. And also, let's just go back a little bit because the success of a domestic partnership really has no bearing on the genetic delivery to the next generation, right? Right. Okay. What I'm saying is his life was so good that he's off. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. No, there's something very dark. foot. There's something really, really. What was that movie with Harrison Ford and Michelle Pfeiffer? What Lies Beneath? Something Lys Bette. Hey, by the way, if you guys haven't seen that movie, check it out tonight and do not read anything about it. Just watch the movie. Great movie. Loved it. Phenomenal movie. I love a movie that culminates with a car chase. Be it what lies beneath. Be it.

with a dragon tattoo. Oh, I love that movie too. Yeah. Do you know they made a sequel to that? Yeah. I didn't see it. You know, all right, let's just end the, I don't even feel like that. Let's just end it.

Oh, okay. No more. You don't get to know what we think of it. I'm kidding. So, um, I do want to talk about Ben for a second because we, you did skip over a part where. No, no, I didn't. You didn't.

No. What were you going to say? We could talk about Ben if you want. I think he tells, uh, Jenna that her legs are hot. Yeah, he does. Okay. You have any feelings on that? it.

Just that it's okay because Jenna's been very, very forward with him. But if she wasn't open to it, creepy. Okay. Yeah. Do you have any thoughts on it? Well, yeah, I do. He is in really old guy creepy territory. Oh, man.

And I want to let Ben, has Ben know this. Ben, you're creepy and don't feel bad about it because we're calling you creepy. Leo is way more fucking successful than you. he's rich and he actually has talent. He's creepy. And we consider him creepy. Right. So you being who you are?

Yeah. It's even more sad. I love Nikki Glazer's bit at the Golden Globes. She made fun of Leo dating a 25-year-old or whatever. Everybody laughed and, you know, you're thinking everybody's made that same old tire joke. And then she just goes, we don't know anything about you. Okay. Tell us something about you.

Otherwise, we just have to keep doing this. You know? It's a great bit. Okay, so we move on to Alicia purring at Eddie. I don't know what's worse. The male version of this ends in emptiness as well, but there's been a physical transaction that takes place. So what Alicia's doing is purring and dancing sexy and flirting,

all with a boyfriend in Canada. Now, I feel like this is this kind of flirtation. this advanced, what is it called? Advanced interrogation technique? Is that what we were waterboarding people? I don't know. Let's call it an advanced. All I know is how to teach guys how to get laid.

Right, exactly. So in an advanced flirtation tactic is what Alicia's doing, it's tormentative and she doesn't have any real intention right now of doing anything. So that's like kind of the female version of it. The male version of it is to express all of these things with the sole intent of only taking a pound of flesh and then completely departing. You just leave. I'm not sure which one's worse, but they're both tormentative and wrong to do.

I mean, we've just got to clean it up out there in the jungle of love. Let's just be honest, right? What's sad about this is how simple a lot of human beings are. Eddie, ignore her on the first two nights out. She will be trying to stick her tongue down your throat. I'm sorry. That's how weak we are as human beings. And this is why.

Simon and Schuster and Penguin Random House are at war. With my book. Yes. How to close more ass for less money. Right. Exactly. You know, they actually, you know, Dylan, I didn't tell you this. We had a meeting last week.

They said, Pat, what do you think about this? Just chew on this. How about closing ass for no money? Yeah. Yeah. And I said, don't. That makes me sound cheap. I'm sure they brought up these trying times in the economy and stuff like that.

But I'm glad you stuck to your guns. Okay. So we're wrapping up the episode here. We mentioned that he reports it to Captain J-Man, but anyways, tonight is the polo and pearls dinner. A touch of elegance to their favorite hobby is what is requested. It's the preface sheet. So with these guests being very demanding and all of the service being abysmally bad of late, also one of them almost died.

Daisy goes to Alicia and Jenna, I don't care what you do. just fucking, I'm going to go fucking, I don't know what Daisy was doing for three hours. This is absurd. When she comes back and has an employee review about the setup, by the way, did you not, like, I assume the preference sheet had laid out what the decorations were for what party. Perhaps they didn't, but perhaps they did. Regardless of, regardless of that, Daisy says, I'm not going to micro- Manage you then goes upstairs and sees that the sea rats have adorned the deck with blow up horses just all fucking orgying over on one side of the table.

And how could you, it looks disgusting. How could you think anything else was going to happen? Mike's new to this. Jenna is kind of green. Alicia just came from Ben's. What else would you think? Oh, Daisy. God damn. Triggers me. Okay. So, Ben is all over the place.

First course is a lobster spring roll with a tied dressing, and it's running behind already. But luckily, Ellie is there to help him. Because despite it being his kitchen, he has no idea where anything is. Well, I know, but she brings structure, Dylan, because she's overcome disorganization on the count of her dodging bombs being dropped on. Yep, exactly.

Now, Jowell has a chat with the extent. exterior, after dinner, or in the middle of dinner. He says, guys, we could have killed somebody out there today. And Mikey says, fucking get off my back, dude. Like, I just got hired, bro. It's like fucking lost a podcast episode. You know who would have lost their license? Joow, not Mikey.

Mikey would not be responsible for you. No, Joao would have lost his license. Captain Jason. Yes. Production would have gotten fucked. And Mikey's like, dude, fucking lay off. A fillet of beef with warm white bean salad rounds this meal of a half a spring roll and half a filet and white beans. It's a beautiful dinner.

Okay. 11 pots. The guests go down. We do a fucking Thai lobster spring roll and then go into a Tuscan white bean and beef dish. There's no cohesion. It makes zero fucking sense. Ben is on Percocet. All right.

The guests go down and Daisy has a chat with everyone. This is Mikey's second dressing down of the evening. She starts in with her horrible management. No communication. She basically says, I set these standards for you that were unsaid. So how dare you not meet? Said unsaid standards.

Just lunatic stuff. And we get to the next morning. Next morning. Jenna is very forward. She's a fire plug man. With that Mars accent, I really love Jenna. And Annette doesn't know how to eat bacon. Okay.

Oh, she doesn't. Okay. She needs a, she needs a new fork, I guess, or something. This fork's not sharp enough for this bacon. Wouldn't you like to see her try and give a blowjob with forks? I don't want to see her do anything sexual. Don't actually do. Those fucking ladybug legs.

God damn. She is kind of annoying. Kind of? We get to the beach and this is where things really just take a catastrophic turn. Nothing is set up. It's too hot out. Annette is on the verge of death. The only thing that can save her is a new swimming suit.

Because if she is able to have the new swimming suit will not need a thermometer. This oppressive heat will be completely fine. And it's almost as if it's not the heat that's the problem. It's that her demands are not being met the way she wants them to be met. I would argue, get in the fucking ocean, you bunch of complainers. Right. Get in the ocean. Here's an amazing thing. Why do you go to the beach when it's hot out? It's because you can cool down on the water. That's right. It's amazing. Have you ever heard of a movie called The Trigger Effect? No. It's interesting. It's Kyle McLaughlin. Um,

And it's about how... Are you speaking of Twin Peaks fame? Yes. And the premise of the movie is there can be just some weird movie, maybe a car accident that gets you to take a turn to avoid it that somehow sends you on a trajectory that day

of going somewhere you never would have been. It's Amy Smart. It's Ashton Coocher. It's the butterfly fact. Butterfly. Right. Fine. Yeah.

By Annette, sending this boat back to do this, little did she know this would fuck up all the rest of the service. Because what happens is that Eddie is there. He grabs the suit, but figures they're going to eat soon. So he's going to get the food as well, but the food is late. So the swimming suit is even more late. And what is blue velvet even about?

I don't know. And get in the comments. Let us know. Stop telling me that it's a masterpiece because I don't think it is because everything else that that man created is unwatchable. It really is. Okay. get in the comments. Let us know your favorite

David Lynch movie. Name one if you can. Dune. Dune. Dune. Join us to patreon.com slash another podcast network for traders. Love is blind.

C Rackcon. Dropping soon. We love you guys very much. Five stars, kind words. Join us in the Facebook groups. Makes it up with the other barnacles. I was banned for hate speech. But Pat's still there.

I'm still there. Until then, I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat say goodbye. Bye, guys.