Another Below Deck Podcast - Unpack Your Own Beads | Below Deck Down Under S3 E1

Episode Date: February 4, 2025

Pat and Dylan are back to break down elevators, weevils, gaspacho, cold plunges, Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmerman, going places and more from Bravo's Below Deck Down Under. Traitors at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetwork YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@anotherbelowdeckpodcast_Support the sponsors! VIIA.com/BelowDeck

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You're referring to the charter guest that said, go ahead, unpack my bag. Yeah. Feel free to unpack your bag when you have an instrument that's sole purpose is to rupture your asshole. Oh, that's next to my socks. Right. Feel free to put those in. And maybe rupture isn't the right word.

They're meant to kind of arouse and stretch the capacity of the rectal cavity. Now you could ask yourself, I thought that was just for shitting. Nope. Nope. We live in a technicolor world. Hello there! Welcome aboard another Brand Spankin' New episode of another Below Deck Podcast. It's a new season, it's a new deal. It's a new pat Hey permission to come aboard. Hey, hey

Hey, I want to get on that fancy elevator It's not I mean it's like a there's a facade because it it It's kind of like Disneyland where there's this lovely outside but in the back there's somebody who's making like seven dollars an hour being screamed at for having a mustard stain on their face you know so the elevator doesn't work uh broke down first episode but this boat looks great i like it they too we come from the doldrums of the clown car of parcifal on to this metropole and what is that word go ahead oh onto this metropoline. What is that word? Go ahead. Oh, I the difference of service of care. It was so far. I'm just comparing Daisy with Laura. Seems like I hate to

say it. Daisy had a case of the fuck it's and Laura cares. She's very anal. Yeah. She cares like hey spin that glass around. It's not facing the right direction. That's an odd word. What was the word? Anal? Yeah, it is. I feel like it's been like it used to make sense. And then we perverted it. We didn't feel like anal had no say in it. Yeah. You know what I mean? I said, a perfectionist. Yeah. Good Patreon. It's sad. A perfectionist. Yeah. Go to Patreon. Go do it. Go to Patreon. There's Traders there. Oh yeah. And Traders is our favorite show. Traders is our favorite show.

Besides possibly this season. Maybe. I don't want to get into my thoughts and knots too early. Well, you can go ahead and get into your thoughts and knots. We have Traders and Patreon. We have ads tonight. We'll have ads for this season. So if you want to add for this season, go to Traders.com.

We'll have ads for this season. We'll have ads for this season. We'll have ads for this season. We'll have ads for this season. We'll have ads for this season. We'll have ads for this season. We'll have ads for this season. We'll have ads can go ahead and get into your thoughts and nots. We have traders of patreon. We have ads tonight We'll have ads for this season. So if you want to add free episodes go to patreon.com Love you. Mm-hmm. Goodbye. Okay, Dell. I

Love the casting. Mm-hmm seems good. Very good. Yeah And that really confirms how awful sailing was. Captain Glenn, I think you listen. I like you. We love Glenn. I love you, Captain Glenn. And I can't wait to see you next season. Your show needs to be fixed, however.

And how Christ like of us. I mean, he's a prostitute murder. That's true. A serial prostitute murder. Yeah. But, you know, what's this line from the Bible about empathy? Insert here, you know what I mean? Yeah, but I was just gonna say,

I like his easy going management style. Yeah. Well, big improvement, love the elevator. I think they should have two, one for service, one for clientele. Yeah, sure. So work on that. Also love the new chief stew, Laura.

What a dickhead, huh? Seems like a real perfectionist. Lara. As much as I loved Kermit because she's a delightful person, I'm glad we have some new blood as the Chief Stew here. Yeah, yeah. I love how we only have one or two holdovers. We have Serena. We got Harry. Good to see Serena. Good to see Harry. Well, I mean great to see both of them. Also, there's some new production we have temperature chyrons. We have a lot of chyrons. We have a step counter. Oh, that's right. We have a step counter. We have temperature as you mentioned. So a lot of great work from the chyron department. Love a sous chef. Love that idea. Great idea. I think we have like

Love that idea. Great idea. I think we have like 8 people working on this boat? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy that it took, what, 78 seasons to get to a sous chef? Yeah. And already the drama is down in the kitchen. 100%

I loved the episode. I think this is going to be an amazing season. I am going to start off with one of my highest ratings of knots ever. I'm going to give it 98 knots. Wow that is so foolish. Oh you think so? Yeah it's gonna come back to bite you. You gotta start off with a modest 70 pots because it was a great first episode but we don't know where this season is going to take us. You know we could have a new ceiling established, we could have a new floor established, who knows. But I really like this episode.

The Greek is awful. He called himself Yannis, but his real name is Johnny. Well, his real name is backwards. Sorry. His real name is Yannis, but you can Americanize it or Westernize it. You can call him Johnny. I think is Greece Western?

I'm pretty sure. It's like kind of one of the seats of Western civilization, don't you think? Yeah. But they're still kind of not that Western because they're like rolling everything in like olive leaves and stuff Leaves I hate great. Oh grape leaves. Yeah, I tried tried to to hacks at it and you helped me out there. It's great Yeah, yeah, Dolmas. I Love them you go to Gelson's they have there, fantastic. Great on the go snack, huh? Not for this podcast.

70 pods. I'm trying to think if there's any other housekeeping to get out of the way. No. We can go to Patreon. No. Okay. I'm going to get high. Yeah?

Yep. Oh, go ahead. I think so. Yeah. I know it's an important episode. It kind of sets the standard for the season, but you know, I'm kind of tapped right now. I'm going to, I'll be the, this is going to be the first announcement for this. Uh, we are going to be switching this feed. You don't have to do anything. I'm going to say that right out of the gate. The artwork for this show in the coming weeks, maybe a month will turn to bad TV. It doesn't change anything other than the artwork and everybody calm down okay calm down we're gonna combine the feeds it's gonna be one feed bad TV if you're listening on below deck it'll just remain the same

you'll just stay here you'll listen below deck here and other things if you want if you're on bad TV hop on over to the bad TV feed it's gonna be very confusing but you'll figure it out. You're a grown adult. That's why I'm like, I'm just like mentioning it now. This is how I, uh, you do this with my four year old, Ellie, bedtime is in eight minutes. Yeah. We don't mean to infantilize you, but we've just gotten so many mean comments over the years about really dumb shit.

Right. Right. So I feel like I've talked to you like your toddler. Uh, he, we, uh, season three belowodick. Dan Under, let's start the trailer. Looks great. It did. We've got people getting fired, we've got an elevator on the ship,

we've got a sous chef, and we've got bros punching captains. I mean, everything is here. Now, Dill, one thing that's confusing about this right out of the gate is the show's called Down Under. Dan Under, yeah. Which one would assume would then take place in Australia.

Oh my god, hang on a second. The most, the foremost announcement, the most important announcement is we've won the war with Bravo. Oh, yeah. Screeners are back. Screeners are back. You're going to get these.

We won. I mean, it's crazy. You know what? All right, I'm laying down my weapon now. Bravo, you finally gave up and gave us back our screeners. Our claymores are leaving our hands and they are hitting the floor with a clang. We won the war. Yeah, I'm allowing you to wave that white flag and just sashay your ass in the opposite

direction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, listen. Never do it again. You can practice your own religion here. We're going to need you to pay taxes, but you can really do whatever you want. Oh, and if we go to war with anybody else, we're going to need to conscript you.

But that's pretty much it. That's it. OK. Dylan, the show's called Down Under. Yep, Down Under. But I believe we're off the eastern coast of Africa. The Seychelles. That's right.

Now, I mean, I'll just say this. Who gives an F? Last season, we were in a converted Japanese whaling ship. That's right. Now, I mean, I'll just say this. Who gives an F? Last season, we were in a converted Japanese whaling ship. That's true. Yeah. This thing has an elevator. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

OK. Yeah. We've arrived. Last season was a converted whaling ship, which is just crazy. Yeah, like, I remember there was a scene. One of the crew members is like, hey, why are the stairs red? Yeah.

And that, you know one of the blood of whales. Yeah he's like they're they're not red. This is the blood. That's right. Yeah yeah yeah this is so we're south of the Maldives and good news hot-ass captain hot-ass can put his own contacts in. Now do we miss Asia? I know you're not the biggest fan of Kermit do you miss Kermit this season not at all okay I am tired of her she is she may have gotten married already Scott and her and Scott lovely couple I'm sure they're gonna enjoy driving around the country in a van taking a dump in a bucket right good for them and if you're if you're keeping track that's just called being homeless

you know we we really glorify this van life trend, but it's just being a fucking bum. You know what I mean? And there are degrees of that, right? Asia and Scott are not stabbing at people with shards of glass for leftover, God knows what these people eat. And for those who think that we're a little insensitive about homeless people. Well, I don't care what you think. I've been attacked by three of these zombies in the last five years.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you can't let homeless, mentally ill people roam around the streets. They'll attack. They throw stuff at us and they stink and, you know, we live amongst them. So we have firsthand knowledge. Okay. My God, are they good at building though? I mean these cities they spring up out of nowhere really quick really quick. Yeah, I'd love to see the building code office they go into build a

Like a 30 foot well I went I would tell the building code that you've got to get these people in because what they can do with Plastic and twine is like you guys can't even compete with this. Give these people actual, you know what? Just solve it. TD Direct Investing offers live support. So whether you're a newbie or a seasoned pro, you can make your investing steps count. And if you're like me and think a TFSA stands for Total Fund Savings Adventure, maybe reach

out to TD Direct Investing. All these contractors, they're shady characters, right? Give the contracting licenses to the bums of Los Angeles. Let's build affordable housing. Let's do it on the cheap. Let's get back to below deck. Stand right now. He, being hot ass, captain Hot Ass, has some new mates.

He's got a fish tank. What'd you think of the quality of the fish tank? Looks like shit tonight. Low quality. And there's those aren't even saltwater fish. Those are koi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought.

We meet our fave. Chef Serena is back. And good news for her, she's got a British humorist who's going to be joining her and Serena thinks this is going to be great now you and I seeing the show would see that instantaneously and think impossible they're setting you up to kill one another for our entertainment and we love that kitchen looks absolutely insane we'll get to the weevil infestation in a bit, but for right now it looks great. Well, I mean great in the just in its size.

Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I mean, sometimes these chefs are cooking on hot plates and microwaves. You know, it's like a fraternity kitchen. And that's why the vacations are so fucking cheap, right? So let's meet Laura. Laura. Sorry, Serena has worked with her before.

Mom named a horse after her. And in the States, if you have, So let's meet Laura. Laura. Sorry, Serena has worked with her before. Mom named a horse after her. And in the States, if you're in equestrian, it means you're either probably poor and from the plains, right? Or you're- Christopher Reeves. Or you're rich, right?

So we'll see which one she is. Now we get a little this is I mean little Sea Rat history well I'll have to go back to the the the history of below deck but I think this is the earliest Sea Rat history that we've ever had yeah yeah yeah and pretty sad one well she says dad was an airplane pilot yeah and she loved his professionalism but what she loved more was the professionalism of the flight attendants yeah, and clearly, clearly she was talking about a time long past. Right. Get on a plane now and see the quality of

the service of the flight attendants. Excuse me, could I, could I have some pretzels? You'll get pretzels when I feel like it. Put your mask on. Shut up. I think COVID's over like four years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put your mask on, okay. Did you upload the app to get pretzels? Oh, I need an app to get pretzels? Where do I download them? I'm sorry, sir. The wifi is real slow here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So basically shut up. Well, you need to pay for the wifi and you need an app to pay for the wifi. But you can't get the app to pay for the wifi without wifi, so. The last five times I've been on a plane, it has been the most miserable experience of my entire life.

Well, you know, I do another show called Conspiracy Social Club with the lunatic Sam Tripoli. And he has a conspiracy that they're encouraging us to not fly so we don't go anywhere. And it makes all the sense in the world. It makes all the sense in the world. Southwest, if they're really trying to do this, they should just show that video of

that guy in a Burger King crown yelling the N-word and just be like, do you really want to do this? No. But you know, it's odd because in the beginning, you know, it's tough for us because I think, you know, the Sea Rats listen to the show, especially in the beginning, you know, new seaside, they're going to tune in. That's right. They're excited to hear people talk about them. They'll stop listening at the fourth episode, I think, you know, the Sea Rats listen to the show, especially in the beginning. You know, new seaside, they're going to tune in. They'll stop listening at the fourth episode, I think.

But in the beginning, it's going to be a little bit tough to say, Lara's dad probably slept around quite a bit. He's an airline pilot. You know what I mean? I looked at a list of occupations where there was the most infidelity. And that was up there. Yeah, yeah, big time. Why wouldn't it?

Get away with murder. Yeah, and the profession with the most pedophilia, actually, priests. Is that right? Yeah, so we're not, you know, we are trying to offend everybody. They really do have a problem with that though. Now, Dil, you were touching on that Serena and Laura know each other and will choose to be roommates. Clearly, though, they're, I don't think they like each other. Well, Serena is like a, you

know, a golden doodle, you know what I mean? And Laura is kind of like a bit of an icy bitch, so she doesn't want anything to do with Serena really, but it's tough to navigate these waters right now. Well, I think she used an example. She said Serena was an acquired taste yeah like Vegemite yeah yeah yeah first off Vegemite is not an acquired taste it's something that our lovely Aussies have been indoctrinated into because they ate it at a young age it tastes like a beef bouillon after a kangaroo shit on it fucking disgusting there's a reason it has zero market share in any other country but Australia.

So it's not an acquired taste. You've all been fooled. Right. I mean the Brits have like ma-ma-ind I think. Yes. It's yeast on toast. What's our thing? We probably eat too much ketchup.

Spam. Oh yeah, Spam's disgusting. Well that's Hawaii's thing, but I guess Hawaii's part of us. That's right. I don't know, What is our thing? We have something that must be disgusting. The people are disgusting sometimes. Yeah Military spending Who's that? He's like a version of Anthony Bourdain, but he's fat Zimmerman. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

He went up to Alaska and met this tribe up there and they fucking... He's like, do you have any gross shit I can eat? And he ate it and he almost threw up. And that's, for him, that's a big deal because he never throws up. It was a whale blubber that had turned into mold. Well the Inuits are funky people, you know. They've got like 38 different words for snow, you know what I mean? And that's beautiful, but it's also a little ridiculous. You want to know as a viewer, because I was a fan of bizarre foods, that it was truly disgusting,

I saw that guy eat a goat eyeball one time and not bat a fucking eye. Yeah, that's the thing. I understand that you have to cater to niches, you know, that's what we've done. But there's a reason why Anthony Bourdain was much more popular before he hung himself. Oh, wow. A very tragic. Yeah. But, um, you know, he was more broad, you know, he'll eat normal food. And Andrew Zimmerman has to go around pretending that fucking intestines in Ghana taste, you know, acquired. No, it doesn't taste acquired.

It tastes like disease. Sorry. I mean, I'm not that's not a commentary on Africa. I'm just saying eating the intestines of that tastes like disease. I went to homes for the habitat like 20 years ago. So I'm down in like, I don't know, building a house down there helping out. And the family were building it for they were cooking something in a pot all day yeah and I looked at I asked one of the guys I like hey what the hell is that

he's like it's it's cow intestines yeah and this is food that they're gonna serve us yeah yeah I worry that we've been on this for a little bit too long but go ahead go ahead this is probably their entire week's money to feed all of us. So you're gonna fucking eat it. And I remember thinking, no fucking way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you went to Thailand

where there actually is delicious food and you requested hamburgers. So no way you were gonna eat in distance. And you were anorexic, so skipping a meal is heaven to you. Let's meet Weon. Weon, yep. Yeah, he's the Boson and is obviously from Scythiafrica. His deckie is also a Stewie.

That always goes well. Her name is Adair. She is from Georgia. She's used to muddin' and punchin' catfish in the face. I don't know what they do down there. I have some thoughts here, and this might get me in trouble out of the gate. Okay. Okay. A dare, she shares that she thought she was kidnapped at some point but then she just thought that and it was just the thought. It never actually happened. I think she may be an airhead and you usually know if you've been kidnapped.

That's my point. Yeah. Probably too early to call her an airhead. But she's on notice right now. Yeah, it's like that scene and thank you for smoking where he gets thrown into the van and they put the nicotine patches all over him. Like there's no real guesswork there. You've been kidnapped. Yeah. Yeah. Or that poor lady from I think I know your silence of the lambs. Oh, somebody asks you to help them with the couch. Never go tail in. I mean, no, you say no 100%. Right?

They get you to feel they count on you feeling guilty about saying no, that's why you got to say no to these with the lotion in the basket. that. That's why you got to say no to these. Put the lotion on the basket. Anthony comes aboard as well as Brianna who is a model too. Works dried up a little bit and that's why she's a Sea Rat right now and that is a tragedy. Yeah I hope she can get back on her feet and hit those runways in Paris. You know chef Anthony tells us that he's ready to showcase his talent. And I know this from just watching many cooking shows.

Showcasing your talent means cleaning pans and shutting the fuck up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we'll get to this battle of wits and wills, but Serena first jokes about having a model aboard. wits and wills but Serena first jokes about having a model aboard and Listen, I didn't mean to call Lara and ICB right out of the gate. But but this was kind of Tough for me. She says, you know, it's nice to have another model aboard and I don't know if it's editing but She responds to Serena in a very robotic kind of annoyed kind of way. It's like, Lara, it's day one. It's not a gut buster, but it's a humorous thing to say. So let's not, you know, let's just be not mean.

Okay. So we've been watching a lot of Sea Rats over the last six years doing this. By the way, thank you Chief Stew for doing a lovely post on Facebook. Oh, Chief Stew., we gotta play the, what's that fucking song called with the Bugles? Oh yeah, Chief Stu, our Facebook admin. Let Chief Stu know on Facebook if you wanna take over the below deck page to admin. He's retiring, I think. We love you, Chief Stu.

God, Chief Stu is the best. He is the best. It's amazing that we've lost a mod. I know. Oh, heartbreaking. I think we might've done some I don't know. Those are the rifles firing. I don't think he's going anywhere. Who wants to lose that honor? You know? I mean listen you gotta do what you love and Stu loves moderating the insane people in our political Facebook group

Which I don't have access to him because of hate speech, right? Yeah Marina the Latina Marina the Latina are brill Brazilians Latinas. I think so. Yeah. Mm-hmm Get in the comments. Let us know But yeah, she's we've got Anthony, we've got Marina, we've got Harry, and we've got them all aboard, Katina. I think that that's what this boat's name is, Katina. Anthony worked with a Michelin star chef making burgers. I'm going to be very protective of Serena in the beginning.

So let's just say this now. This guide, they're throwing Michelin stars around like they're toys at the end of a dentist appointment. So, you know, let's chill out on that whole thing. Johnny, aka Yannis, he is, do you know what a Huberman husband is? I do not. Huberman husbands are people that watch Andrew Huberman and then form their identity around atomic habits that are very masculine forward. So he does BJJ, he probably cold plunges, he probably thinks that he's gonna just trying to be his optimum self. Right, right. Optimization and all this shit

carnivore diet and you know you shit blood but you're fucking you know crushing it right. So this guy needs to calm the fuck down immediately. He, I think he wrote somewhere that a clear sky fears no thunderstorms. And that was said by, I think a Navy seal on a podcast and he just put it on his bio. So yeah, we've got to stop that just immediately. He also pronounces himself the lead deckhand. Yeah he does. Which is... Maybe there's a few more layers underneath that douchebag facade. Yeah we'll see. So we get to Serena and her sous chef doing a little interview before the call for battle. Serena asks what his weaknesses

are and he safe to say has a little bit of a panic attack. It's our first little miniature little dust-up. He pushes back on the questions. And he's no different than any young virulent, you know, possibly dumb man. He wants respect immediately. He wants responsibility automatically. He's his goddamn next generation. And he definitely doesn't want to take Ps and Qs from this kooky broad. You know what I mean? That's right.

So we'll see how that goes. Not good. We get to the stars of the show at our first team meeting. Josco, Paydar, and Nino, these guys are real human traffickers. I mean, these guys really real human traffickers. I mean these guys really look like coal shovelers and it's good to see them back because we don't have that in sailing out. We have Daffodil. Yeah, yeah that boat starts sinking the

first thing that gets close is those airlocks. Yeah, you saw that scene in Titanic. You can lose Josco because Josco is a lot like Daffodil. He's a loner. He's experienced the darkest corners of this world. And he has probably a lot of great tales. But you can definitely leave him downstairs to drown. That's right. So it's sad.

It is, but safety first. So then we get to the crew meeting day. Captain Jason, hot Captain Jason, which I'm not crazy about his hair this year. Oh, really? He's got that little tail of hair. That's like an 80s thing. It's unbecoming.

Kind of like a half-measure mullet? Yep. OK. That's exactly what it is. Jason says he, this is a direct quote. He says, I want this to feel like a family. Yeah. That you can have sex with. Right, right, right. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Yeah. That's the best of both worlds. We're brothers and sisters here. We can bang, but just don't do it in front of the guests. Oh yeah. And if you do, I'm gonna have a talking to you.

But at the end of the day, we're family. We split off for two different meetings. We've got Interior and we've got the deck team. Now we're dealing with a terrorist already in the Greek. He, I think I clocked this correctly. I think he told him boss to let him lead the crew, and then he assigns himself lead deckhand, which is absolutely bonkers. I feel as though he is a great evil aboard this vessel, and my least favorite character so far. So far? Okay. We've got a weevil infestation. Evidently there was, you know, one of these great builders that

we were referring to earlier, a homeless person, I think, was living in this kitchen before they set sail. I don't want people to throw up. Maybe you're driving in your car right now in whatever country you're in and you're eating, I don't know, some of that Vegemite or whatever. And I don't want to get into maggots, but I'm fascinated. I mean, I'll do some research my own time I don't understand you're on a boat. Is it do they just show up out of rotting food? It's like hey here I am Well, I think if you leave rice kernels alone for too long. They kind of molt into bugs So they're they're kind of imbued with this necrotic life and they

start sliming around but what they have to do because of this is bleach the entire kitchen yeah like a dead body was in that refrigerator mm-hmm yeah did OJ use any bleach or did he kind of get out of there? Did he use any bleach? Yeah. No, yeah. Cut two people's heads off with a trowel. He had no cleanup work. I think that's why he got busted.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Had he had a little more time, you know. And you know, lesson learned there, if you're going to kill, leave yourself enough time. That's right. Look at what Dexter did. You think Dexter just, just, you know,

a crime of passion his way through the serial killers of Florida? No, he took his time. He put out plastic, he found syringes, he cleaned his blades. I'd argue with OJ, a garden hose would have helped him out a little bit. Yeah, absolutely. Put your thumb in front of the spigot, get a little water pressure going, you know what I mean? Shave off a couple years. But he was acquitted actually.

Yeah, that's right. The glove didn't fit. Yeah, no, he definitely got those people's heads off. But we get to the primary and our first of the season. It's time for the Preference Sheet meeting. Mark and Megan, the vegan. Thank you. I, Dill, I have to tell you something. Tell me. These charter guests actually actually I got the sense

They might have paid some money to be on me, too You did that's what I loved the most about this season. It looks expensive It looks more expensive I'm not to get at myself, but when breakfast isn't out with the Incorrect time that they thought it was gonna come out because it was their fault They they definitely agreed on 8, not eight o'clock. Yeah. They got pissy. That's what we want.

That's what we want. Unreasonable wealth, unfair, unethical wealth aboard these vessels. Speaking of which their property investment people or something. So they own properties or manage them or whatever, but anyway, they got some goddamn money and high standards yep and way well not really because they're still tongue-blind the primary likes well-done meat and their first dinner theme is going to be our favorite around the world now this

is getting up there with Chugi status with themes of nights on these boats which is the white party yep disco night seventies or eighties party Let me make the case live aid live aid, oh, yeah, they did that for The around the world thing and I've talked about this before All you can eat buffets in Vegas that disgusting place which used to be $20 all you can eat I get it things cost more but they still have those they do But now I don't think they're $20 or even $40. I think they're probably upward of $80 per person

No, I read an article in the New Yorker the only thing that wasn't hit by inflation is Actually the 99 cent shrimp cocktail deal at the Golden Nugget. Is that right? Yeah, yeah, yeah hotel still standing. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, yeah. Hotel still standing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Wow. Maybe I'll stay there next time because every fucking dump that I stay on it costs me a fortune. Well, what you don't know is that you're paying to actually protect yourself from the sadness on display at the Golden Nugget, right? Because there are a lot of oxygen tanks and there's a lot of $1 blackjack tables and you do not want to go around that the audience knows this Dylan I

Hate Las Vegas you do and I hate buffets one Oh, I hate buffets because mac and cheese and chow mein and a garlic roll should not be on the same plate They don't make any sense together. They don't work with each other, right? Well, that's what buffets are for right rule breaking. It's anarchy right if you want a pork spare rib and an omelet you can have that and Your feet will swell But this is America Should we go on vacation I need a vacation We just had one but you don't have one now when

you're a parent and you have young children a vacation is not a vacation it's actually hell. Dil this might be a great time for our ad read. Oh such a good time for the ad read. Oh gosh I use this product because I'll just say this I don't like my family anymore. They ruin vacations, so I'll let you start. No, no, no, no, please take it away. Viya. Oh, Viya. Oh my goodness, it helped me. They offer all the products.

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No, no, no. I mean, what's the company? Well, it basically you can... well, you got the website over there. I'm doing a horrible job. Well, no, no, no. I mean, listen, if you want to get smacked... You can. You absolutely can. Yeah. With ViyaH hemp.com. Unlock the power of nature. Okay. Viya is the only lifestyle

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you enhance your everyday with Viya all right the guests are aboard this vessel, right? That's right. We sleep off the weevil infestation and my goodness. First I should say, Big Red. Do you have any nicknames? For these people so far? Yeah. Not yet.

Who's Big red big red is What's a chewing gum? Oh, yeah, that's a cinnamon chewing gum. It's an acquired taste. Sure. Sure But it's the redheaded model. Oh Brianna Brianna. Okay. I like that big red Yeah, she loves her daddy. Oh, that's right. Can you imagine competing with that? How's Harry gonna compete with daddy? Well, I actually like it. I'm trying to instill this in my daughter that I'm the king, I'm the best guy.

I am the standard for what you should allow in your life as far as a male. You're Mufasa. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, well, we wake the next day after the sous chef goes to sleep staring at fucking ghosts wondering what he's done to himself and ourself and we go through the motions of the morning. Serena micromanages the crew food, which probably,

let's not do that, right? I mean, you could serve these Sea Rats Red Baron microwave pizzas and they'd be fine. So the guests arrive, get a very romantic tour of the boat. We have a stair counter this season, as we mentioned, and a lovely wrought iron bike tower for the raw bar. Yeah. Very fancy. That was interesting. It looks good.

The oysters were displayed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then we go to the other spectrum. Then we get to anal beads being unpacked. That's true What kind of? Psycho you're referring to the charter guests that said go ahead unpack my bag Yeah, yeah, feel free to unpack your bag when you have an instrument that's sole purpose is to rupture your asshole Yeah, oh that's next to my socks, right? Feel free to

Oh, that's next to my socks. Right, right, right. Feel free to put those in a way. And maybe rupture isn't the right word, but they're meant to kind of arouse and stretch the capacity of the rectal cavity. Now you could ask yourself, I thought that was just for shitting. Nope.

Nope. We live in a technicolor world, a land of opportunity where you can shove rows of beads up until it hits your diaphragm and have sea rats unpack it, not pull it. I'm just saying it's a bad choice of words. So, um, we are going to get the fuck out of here. It's hot as balls. This place sucks. Laura and Zarina on the last boat

had a tough job with each other because Laura was given unilateral control over the quality of everything, including the food, which is insane. She had the power to tell the chef that the food was not up to standard. Okay, so they're doing separate interviews here and this is what's interesting about this dynamic. Both of them talk and the way they explain their working experience

together their past is that they fucking can't stand each other. They're bumping heads. Right. A great predictor of the future is of course, the past. Now we get to dinner and we have a little bit of an issue beforehand the Greek lead duck and cold plunger galore somehow Makes his way out into the middle of the ocean There's no key in that goddamn doesn't have a key in the jet ski and he forgot his phone and he forgot his phone so I Mean at least George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg had a key. I'm the camera guy sitting next to the lighting guy just watching him float off

Hey Ted, how long do you think we should before we tell anybody? Yeah. Well the rules are we don't we don't Engage we just let the events unfold as they happen. Yeah. What if he dies? Not my problem, yeah He's like, huh? He's like old-timey. You know what I mean? He's like have you ever heard the phrase let the chips fall where they may and then before you know it and It's something we've been lusting after our first death on reality television, you know, and and listen happen. Yeah, has it?

Oh, yeah, and not in this country. It happened in a version of Survivor and like And it wasn't even fun. It's like someone died of like exposure of a spider bite or something. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah Can I tell you something my buddy? I just I'm gonna do a bit on that for PMZ. Well, write that down Oh deaths on reality. Yeah, I did. Yeah, that's a great idea. I had a buddy of mine He was in Thailand gallivanting around was on a hike Started running down a cliffside lost his balance a little bit put his hand on a tree to adjust himself I bet his felt a sting took it back snake bit him. Oh you wow

He's in the middle of the jungle in Thailand and he's like okay here we go. He had to go to the emergency room. He was driven to an emergency room, had to do venom treatments on him, had to you know all these tests to figure out what he got bit by. Cost him $105. Well I was gonna say imagine if he like went into a village in their emergency room and there's literally a machete on the wall. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean listen two options Yeah, yeah, you die or uh, I Would say take my hand, you know, these snakes are nasty man. So we get to dinner first off Oh, this is gonna be around the world. Oh, I can't wait for your thoughts on this. Yeah well first off what are your thoughts? Well my thoughts are is what I said about my sentiment of all these, I mean Serena is a class act and schooled and I'm sure she pulled it off. However

I generally do not like all these different flavors in the same meal. No. It's odd to me. Right right. Serena's very good at cooking and we know Serena she's a friend of the show. Yeah we went out with her. We hung out with her. But can't pull any punches. Okay that's right. We can't let our friendship be a part of our criticism. Right. You know, Siskill and Ebert I'm sure were friends with Robert Redford I'm sure he called me said I sent the screener over Roger did you get it yeah and I was like I got it Bob yeah yeah well what'd you think two thumbs down

now there's a lot of liquid tonight a lot of liquid a lot of liquid a lot of spoons required and that's bizarre You know me and gazpacho gazpacho is a very low ceiling. I don't like cold soups. Mm-hmm But these people sopped it up. The first course representing Italy was a gazpacho with watermelon and Tarragon with watermelon and tarragon. The second was an onion bhaji with a mango avocado salsa representing the country of India. And then we get a little bit of a mix-up. The Thai dish, I believe it was tum kar gai with chicken, is another soupy little thing. And Laura doesn't serve saucy soupy things without spoons, which means that we I believe need a third spoon of the

evening and we wrap things up with a creme brulee needing yet another spoon for dinner. Now listen at some point we've got to pull out a knife and fork right? We're all adults. It's dinner. So all the flavors, I'm sure we're very robust. I feel as though the medium is the method I think and I'm gonna have to give it Two pots. Two pots. Yeah. Wowza. Yeah. I think the guests enjoyed it. Yes, they did. Can I do a Meanwhile? Yeah, absolutely. Great job, by the way. Thank you.

Meanwhile, Adair shares with Harry, who she, I think she thinks he's cute or something. Yeah. She says that she's seen a lot of butt plugs today and also a puff daddy level of Lou. Well, I think- A lot of butt fucking going. I think you're talking about Big Red.

Oh, Big Red did that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you know what? You're right. I messed that up talking about Big Red. Oh, Big Red would did that. Yeah. Oh, you know what? You're right. Yeah, I messed that up. Right. Right. I was thinking like what else you need lube for? Well, when you've been married for a long time, pretty much everything. Oh, we're happy. Me too. Yeah. So we rise for the next morning. Well first off before we go to bed I believe Zarina comes out when dessert was served and they all agree Breakfast will be served at 830 in the morning not between 8 and 830. I don't like these guests for this reason. Mm-hmm You can't you can't be a dick if you're not sure. And

you were drunk, by the way. So shut the fuck up. And she also said they asked about breakfast and she says, Well, normally, I do a special and then a layout. Which she she did do. I just want to make sure we got that right. And now it's important to to lay out the framework of the situation create some problems next morning. You can't build a building without scaffolding, unless you're a homeless person.

Then you don't need really anything. You just need rudimentary ingredients and an imagination that is completely untethered to this world. I mean, you look at the greats like Gaudi. He was not with us down here. He was with with the gods the way that people who were punching walls are Don't have even So we rise for the next morning Too much. No, no, I enjoyed it. Laura will work past death

I enjoyed it Laura will work past death She says there is nothing they can kill her and yawning and that's not true There are lots of things that can kill you and yawning Jason killed like 15 people with the boat. He's hot right We end with a breakfast timing fiasco as you mentioned we said 830 We did not say eight but the biggest issue and my heart sank when Laura did this Turns the kitchen into a diner Mm-hmm can't do that. We'll have three scrambles. We'll have two Benny's hold the avocado. Yeah. Yeah

The shit one of the guests asks if she can whip up a hollandaise, and she just goes, yeah. Sure. I'm sure that Serena takes a lot of pride in her food. To whip up a hollandaise is no small feat, OK? It takes a lot of elbow grease to just do that. So if she doesn't have hollandaise, let's not say that she does.

Can I say this, though? This would have been a great time to get the sous chef involved. Yeah. You make the eggs there buddy. Yeah and there is a bit of an issue where I'm with Serena, I don't, if I'm Serena I don't want him on guest meals until I can see what he does. That's right. But you know if we're if we're jammed up, let's let's you know, I mean there's a reason why brunch shifts are given to the sous chefs, right? So anyways, we'll be back next week with another brand spanking new episode of below deck Dan

Get in the comments. Let us know what you thought about the episode chiefs do I Hope we don't lose you stick around buddy stick around buddy We don't we're not gonna bury you at sea like Osama Bin Laden anytime soon. I don't even talk to anybody. I leave everybody alone and let them do whatever the hell they want. I don't know why you wanted to resign today. It hurt my feelings. Yeah. Patty's sad.

I am. But also happy because it's a brand new season. We won the war with Bravo. I mean, smooth sailing ahead. Love you guys very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat, say goodbye. Later dudes. Love