Kill James Bond! - We're Setting Sail Soon | Below Deck Sailing Yacht S4 E1

Episode Date: April 12, 2023

Dylan and Pat are back to break down caterpillar engineers, rice balls, jokes, vicious brothers, engines, shrink wrap, taking your eye off the ball, sticks of dynamite, beers, falling over and having your friends laugh at you and not help and so much more from Bravo's Below Deck Sailing Yacht.Join us on Patreon at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetwork for VanderPump Rules with Dylan's sister Ruby Wrenn every Saturday

Oh, the area? The terrain? The region? Wales. Oh, sorry. I thought you were talking about Sardinia. Yeah, Wales is beautiful too. Didn't they film Lord of the Rings there? No. No. Welcome aboard.

Another brand spanking new season of another Below Deck Podcast. I'm Dylan Settled Up Next to One. Patrick Hickey. Permission to come aboard. Permission granted. Did you miss us, guys? It's been three weeks. What is that on that vehicle that just went past no clue man it's uh springtime it's finally warm it's not pissing on us we can

have the doors open you know yeah you know what it sounded like a kind of mad max kind of homeless zombie constructed vespa something made out of aluminum and diesel there's a zombie driving around the neighborhood that meets that description dylan yeah i yelled at him at 7-eleven yeah what'd you say what'd he do i said uh caitlin's over there behind the glass by the way hi good to be here i said do you mind not driving on the wrong side of the road at 60 miles an hour i have my family in the car oh yeah yeah um what did you say to that fuck off uh he was confused because no one confronts these idiots whoa whoa whoa whoa i don't think he's quite at asking questions oh come on it's a new season

it is a new season of below deck we are so excited to have gear bear daisy bear call bear and the slayer of the women of the night himself captain glenn this is our favorite season or iteration it's the best iteration i think objectively speaking i'm just really excited to get into the whole thing oh me too hey you know one little piece of business do you guys uh ever get like calls from an unknown number? You know who it is? I've been getting a call all day. I haven't picked it up. You know, it's weird. It's an unknown number. Here comes a bit. Oh, shoot. There it is. This is a number. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take it away from the mic though. Should I answer it? Answer it and make it stop making that sound. Yeah. Hello? Patty, it's Lee. Oh, okay.

Oh, hey, Captain Lee. What's going on? Well, I've been wanting to call you guys for a long time. Well, that's all good, Captain Lee, but we heard you hate us. So what's the deal? Well, let me cut to the chase, Patty. And he's on the phone right now, actually. Yeah, hey, Lee, hold on.

That's Dylan. You hate him, too. Okay. Let me cut to the chase. Captain Glenn kills prostitutes. Okay. Is that right is that right captain lee well let me just let you know that was a hacky bit that we made up on the podcast he doesn't actually really kill prostitutes see i i don't i if you could stop talking to captain lee for a second i think it's not on captain lee i think it's nuts. Hold on, Captain Lee. I think it's nuts that I'm stuttering. I'm so incensed.

You are, you've not passed this by me at all. Oh, no. Right? You've not passed this by me at all. And you're calling. No, he's calling me. No, no, no. Let me finish.

You're calling the unveiling, dare I say the investigative work we've done, a hacky bit. It's not a hacky bit captain glenn murders whores i don't know what you're fucking talking about and also i don't want to speak to captain lee right now i want to talk about sailing yacht yeah well let me wrap up the call because he's a sad man right now hey uh lee uh what's going on well lee said i wanted to sell salami and uber eats and uh andy fucked me i wanted to sell salami yeah gl Eats. And Andy, fuck me. I wanted to sell salami. Yeah, Glenn got to sell Uber Eats last night.

All right, look, Captain Lee, get a hold of yourself. You're a great captain. You gave us 10 years of pretending to drive a boat. They were amazing. You know, just have a nice day. You know, Captain Sandy's on pills. All right, let's hang up the phone right now. All right, bye, Lee.

All right, all right. I'm upset with you. You want to talk about hacky? I mean, my God. Jesus Christ. And to pollute the first episode of this season with Lee, this show has nothing to do with Lee. Dylan, you got to close a door before you open a new one.

That was the closing of the door? Yeah, I told him to kick rocks. I don't like that guy, man. Okay. We have public service announcements that we need to get to. Yes. Love is Blind, the show on Netflix that is taking America by storm, is exclusively available at patreon.com slash another podcast network.

You can hear the first five episodes if you want to go back and unearth the time capsule. Well, there's new people coming to it, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, plenty of shows on our other feed, Bad TV. Bad TV. We're covering Life After Lockup. Pat's doing Seeking Brother, Husband. And also, we are covering the season polluted dare i say blessed or

i should say or or should i say blessed by the skandal vanderpump rules is at patreon.com slash another podcast network as well as well as uncensored content you know if we say something that is super, super goofy, but could also get us in a bit of hot water, we'll put that on patreon.com. There's lots of great stuff there. YouTube at bad TV. I mean, let's get into it. Let's grow this thing. One last piece of housekeeping. Dylan and I have been invited to the Love is Blind reunion on August 16th at 6 p.m. We will be there. So sign up, excuse me, sign up for our Facebook bad TV and our Instagram. It's so insane to have a chronic cough for a year, but to not go to the doctor because you don't want to hear any bad news. What if you go early and you, you take care

of the lung cancer, knock on wood, God forbid, but before it fucking metastasizes. I mean, it's just insane. Is he hot tonight? He seems hot tonight. Come on, let's take the top off. Let some of that steam be released, Dylan. Come on. You cinched the cap closed with that fucking lead bit. The ring was way too loud.

All right, we have to get into our pots. Should we kick it to Kalen first? I feel like you and I are at odds right now. We need to smoke a peace pipe right now. Let's do it. Let's do it. Be brief.

Opening episodes, never great. This one also didn't think it was super great, but I enjoyed the food, and I enjoyed the very drunk guests. They were quite entertaining. 16. Pots. Clear, concise. I thought that was good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.. 16. Pots. Clear, concise.

I thought that was good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to go next, Dylan? No. Okay. I love the casting. Gary has been the alpha on this boat for years. You're about to cough again.

No, I'm not. Yeah, you are. We have Alex. He looks like he's a player, as by the trailer that we saw. Hot boy. We also have Colin, who's in a thruple or something like that, he's claiming. This can be a fan. Everyone's single.

Thank you. Thank you. They took my directions, the producers and casting agents of this show. I said, no more people in relationships. They don't provide any entertainment for us. 90 knots. You're holding that cough? No. No No I'm not

Hey I'm exhausted I am exhausted Dylan Alright This company's working me to the bone So Like Kalen said First episodes

Are always You know It's Warm the egg Mixture up In the custard You know Lest we curdle the whole fucking thing and that's what we had tonight but like you mentioned there is really really good

things on the horizon mainly in that we just have what I hope to be is the most sea ratty cast of sea rats we've had in some time. A girl said that if you make her laugh, she'll fuck you. And Pat, I didn't mean to bring up the lung cancer. I don't think it's lung cancer. Oh, thanks.

It's a dry cough. It's a dry cough, but you've got to go to the doctor and get it taken care of. I mean, it just sounds so uncomfortable. It's a dry cough. It's a dry cough, but you've got to go to the doctor and get it taken care of. I mean, it just sounds so uncomfortable. It's falling in the air. All right. So let's get into it.

Now, Dylan, this was a- Got 12 pots. Yeah, this was an odd episode because they've never done this before. They, for the first three minutes, just basically introduce us to the entire cast. They do that every year. They do? It's not. It's usually them coming on the boat.

They had like a three-minute slash trailer of what's to come with the season i'm telling you oh you're you're fucking high right now i think the audience is going to say dylan's angry in this episode all right so here we go the gang is back ready to set sails in iggy marina we are in sardinia they eat horse there no judgment i'd eat horse should have seen what the movie industry did to horses up until like 1984 man oh yeah ben hur how many horses died in that movie they had to get it to take man do over uh anyone uh any of them left kicking around stand them up yeah can you imagine just like beckoning the soul of hemingway into you as an auteur just slaughtering horses like go to the ninth circle you piece of shit no one cares about ben hur anymore dude okay i agree

i mean i guess people do who is that lawrence ol? I think so. I haven't seen the film. Well, I'd eat horse. They do have dispositions that are filled with empathy, though. There's something deeper behind the eyes of a horse, kind of like an elephant, you know? They're also mean, too. One bit me in my hand when I was a little kid. They can be mean.

And that's what I'm saying. You know, there's a real spectrum of character with horse. Oh, anyways, we first meet captain glenn we see a couple shots of that hot little body back in the day uh likely in the early stages of his bloodlust he was a young man back then so he was probably more brutish and sloppy relying on the pure physicality of his pursuit but as he's aged i feel like the process has gotten more streamlined more effortless a nick of ephemeral here maybe a little cyanide there um he does want to see the spill but he he won't do it in a place where he'll be caught and i think that what we saw this evening is him really taking his eye off the ball with what he's supposed to do on camera. He showed up to Sardinia weeks early to do reconnaissance.

He's sniffing out the spots where he can lay slaughtered daughters, and he did not recognize that the goddamn engine is filled with seawater. I mean, he's really, he's not focused. Keep your eye on the ball, man. Yeah, seriously. Can't balance two things, killing young prostitutes and then making sure the engine doesn't get waterlogged. And also, he's still into this goddamn sailing thing. Hey, you know, I love Captain Glenn, but does this ever get old? I mean, tilting the boat at a 45-degree angle and allowing sharp objects to be hurled at, I don't know,

employees sometimes paying guests. Right. Seems a little, it's getting old. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm okay. I'm feeling better. So Daisy's on board next. We love her.

She's part of the core four that makes this version of the show what it is. So I say this with love what a sea rat way to come aboard i mean she says i'm supposed to have a family where did it all go wrong well you wanted to be on tv daisy well but you made a choice it no i would say that it went wrong further back than that likely from childhood it's nice to know that now that she's kind of found her true calling which is to be a nanny for baby sea rats yeah yeah it's nice yeah exactly except for a happier life once you accept colin is it's on board next so good to see him and so good to hear that the only thing that could make this season better is happening colin is single yeah season one he you know cleaned on he unclogged toilets season two he became a

a shoulder to cry on and now this season uh he's going to be involved in a a throuple and uh he's gonna be here to pork and embarrass uh uh fellow employees uh families i would say that yes he was relegated to those roles that you spoke of but let's not forget colin's most important role gossip girl forgot about that there it goes again do you see like he was always the one lighting a little stick of dynamite lighting a cigarette with the sparks that were coming out of said dynamite he would throw the stick and then enjoy just watching everything i feel like that's the only reason he's still here dylan but now he's gonna upgrade himself now he'll have sex with uh co-workers right he's no longer watching the ball of snakes he will be a part of the ball of snakes which is a really really

beautiful thing to see uh so who is up next well you forgot about gary he's still the bosun and he's got no game i've watched him over the course of his stint on this his show but it's something about him's very infectious and likable and i think that's why he uh will be uh putting his tiny little slut you know what what do the kids call that uh riz riz riz he's got riz i feel as though he does have riz and i think that's just another shit take from you in the first 13 minutes of this episode i mean gary doesn't have riz what's wrong with you the guy is fucking it's a confusing amount of riz it's the samson hair we don't get it because he's red-faced and he's not quite a raw sex addict.

He's up there. Oh, no. No, no, no. Ross is at warehouses across planet Earth where box springs and mattresses are strewn throughout the empty space like cafeteria tables. Don't forget there's a lot of cameras there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of cameras there. Was he in glory hole porn uh no i think he was uh the way for no he definitely was in porn he had sex with somebody yeah yeah yeah but it was just his penis

right they didn't see his face yeah yeah yeah he's the guy that wears the ski cap to the gangbang it's like you know he doesn't want to hurt his reputation yeah yeah honey well what are you doing on saturday oh Going to the park. Yeah, no, it was like a COVID-themed porn, so he could wear an N95. Nice. But no, I remember when we found that out, we were speaking of massage porn

and that odd fetish that people have where there's those porns where the woman is just kind of milking the man underneath the massage table. It's very, very very there's no intimacy there at all yeah i wouldn't like that porn i need to feel like a connection you know with my porn yeah i need to believe the couple's falling in love or he will cast her i don't need to feel that but i do need to feel as though there is a believable exchange of goods

that cannot be met by one partner or the other. So to make up for the lack of funds or assets, sex is exchanged. And property sex. Teacher, boss. No, no, no. That's too sad because women across America do have to, you know, I don't want to get into it. I don't want to get into it. You want to talk about that girl that spells her name very differently than the way that she says it? Yeah. What's her name i ilyana i well no actually i believe her name's uh lucy but she says her name's

lucky no okay all right we'll get to her in a second but first up i think the chef comes aboard yes she does what is her name iliana iliana um she says she's insane yeah obviously um she also says something insane she says why would you work in a restaurant when you can work in the element um i think we can all think of a few pat why don't you start us off what's a a benefit of working in a restaurant that that would outweigh working on a um working in a restaurant outwe outweigh working on a... Working in a restaurant outweighing it? Well, we all remember Titanic. I'm pretty sure all the chefs went down to Davies Locker.

That's a really, really good pro. There is no danger of sinking when you're working in a restaurant. I would say a couple other benefits, roots, your own apartment that isn't polluted by the fecal matter of another sea rat who's sleeping above you. Can you flush the toilet, man? I cause a lot of fights on these points. Oh, yeah, absolutely. The last one is not being in the elements, you know?

Yeah. Because who wants that? I prefer being at a 45- angle with knives being around my face. Yeah. Way more fulfilling. Why would you work in a restaurant when you can feel like Bruce Willis in Die Hard in the vents trying to make a seven course dinner? So Charleston boy is up next.

What's this guy's name? Chase. Chase. He's an archetype. Oh my gosh. He's a basic bitch. He's a basic bitch. He is an ambitious youngster he wants to retire by the time he is 30 he's going to achieve that via the lucrative profession of

sea ratting you know there are these uh there's a a tiktok that i've seen a couple times of this this young woman saying um i want to retire by the age of 30 or I want to be a billionaire by the age of 30. I'm going to get into this kind of investing. I think it's quant financing. By the time I'm 27, I'm going to flip it into this thing. He says, I just want to be done working by 30 and I'm going to do so by...

By 30. Well, by spit shining stainless steel on a fucking sailing boat. Glad you're agreeing on it. What he just said was insanely dumb. If you work on this boat, you'll probably clear 80 grand a year. You'll develop an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. And you might impregnate someone from Florida.

We've had that done before. But I don't think you're going to be retiring on Sea Rat money. God, it's so tough with the cast listening listening to the show yeah yeah think about it it's we gotta be us you know and it's all jokes hey that was a really dumb thing to say so alex is up next poor bastard showed up just a little too late he's gonna be uh shacking up with captain glenn And that's the worst. You know, you're out. You're a baker's dozen shots of Casamigos into the evening. You've bed somebody in a... Cargo van. A cargo van or a washroom.

And then, oops, I fell asleep with my boots on and I used Captain Glenn's face as a ladder. You know, and it's not his fault. It's just kind of the way the worm uh the room works out yeah that's a good point my tongue got really wrong there now did we skip over madison because she's going to be fun no she is up next okay uh she as you mentioned professes to have rather low standards yeah they're two uh before sex uh you need to make her laugh and form a sentence. Yeah.

I think a third of the population could fit that description. I am here for my sex. I got a joke, and I just kind of cleared that second requirement up seeing as I completed a full sentence. So should I whip it out now? No, no, no, no, no. You would have to say the joke. So say the joke. I don't know. i don't have a

joke okay i got one uh okay so so you be madison uh all right i go hi i'm dylan hey dylan i know that that was a full sentence but let me try it again the dog walked across the street okay let me give you a joke so there's this guy in his living room, right? And he's just enjoying a Saturday morning, and he hears a knock at the door. It's just a little tiny knock, right? And he goes outside, and he opens the door, and he can't fucking see anything. So he hears this little voice goes,

down here, down here. And he looks down, and there's this little snail. And he goes, what the hell? And the snail goes, hi, would you like any magazine subscriptions today i'm selling a bunch of magazine descriptions and he kicks the snail across the road just goes flying and he shuts the door three years later it's another saturday here's a little knock on the door and he answers it and the snail's there again he goes what the fuck was that fool hey i want to fuck you

all right but yeah so she's gonna be great lots of fun uh she is a ray of sunshine and she delivers that line with a face that looks as though she's been hit with quite a wicked fart um up next is lucy um go into the unlucky lucky thing because i didn't really get this obviously she's unlucky what we see a chiron uh that says her name's lucy clearly and uh she she says her name's lucky she's kind of unlucky though because she's like uh in an episode of three's company like jack tripper she falls everything, hits her goddamn head. Yeah. She's not lucky at all.

She's pretty compromised. Who's the racist sitcom character? Archie Bunker. Archie Bunker. That's right. He didn't like black people, right? Well, he loved Sammy Davis Jr. He did.

And he liked the Jeffersons. Okay. But they were kind of like an exception to the rule. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. So she's from the land of the dragon,

also known as the land of drunks and a lot of drunk fighting known as whales. They speak a strange tongue up there. They are druidic remnants of a world that was supposed to be left alone uh sacrificing things in the forest uh atop mountain peaks and just intense stuff but um pretty great viewpoint from a yacht though you know what oh the area the terrain the region wales oh sorry i thought you're talking about sardinia. Yeah, Wales is beautiful too. Didn't they film Lord of the Rings there?

No, they filmed Lord of the Rings in New Zealand. Wales is disgusting. Oh, it is? I mean, sure, there are rocky places and all that stuff, but Wales is littered with broken bottles of buckfast and fucking blood. You know what? I think I'm 3% Wales. I did a 23 and me

my whole lineage is from that region over there yeah i'm welsh nice i was named after a welshman very fitting dylan thomas he got wet brain and died so captain glenn is as hands-off as he's ever been uh very early. Daisy's like, Gary's not here, so what should we do? And he looks at the deckhand and he goes, why don't you guys just get a list together and leave me the fuck alone? Yeah. Yeah. Do we get the call from Gary yet?

Because where is Gary? We know that Gary has... No, no, no. We're about to get there. Okay. So first up, we've got a little meeting between uh daisy and her stews now the only blemish on this episode is that we do not have the bloodthirst and the competition between the second and third stew right daisy has flatlined the hierarchy here she is deemed both of them junior right now i don't think that mags and lucy are the type

that would go for one another uh they just seem like too aloof and too cool i didn't know that gabby and eat ash were gonna go head to head over that uh little little thing last season but i think that's why we're here this season. Oh. Gabby's a friend of the show, and she already thinks I hate her, so I don't want to say anything too intense, but I think you could tell that Gabby was going to have a problem, and I think you could tell that Ashley was going to have a problem, too. Love you, Gabs.

So, Alex, a little debrief on him. He is a good looking dude gary watch out he's gonna give you a run for your money yep we've got another samson carry uh character he is kind of a um uh a navigator of drunks in fort lauderdale he just takes beer in miami uh he just takes people um who are hopped up on cubanos and blow and um what are those seltzers called hard seltzers yeah no no high noon oh high noon yeah yeah those are the expensive ones yeah yeah real fruit juice that's right that's what they advertise yeah yeah yeah he's probably seen a couple people people need a snorter or two of Narcan because a lot of fentanyl is pumping around those parts. Oh, yes, it is.

Yes, it is. I've heard if the cocaine is pink, has a hue of pink, you should not snort it. But YOLO. Yeah. YOLO. Yeah. YOLO. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. You only live once. All right. Go ahead with the next part of the show. Okay. Okay. Okay. Uh, we, I guess Gary or something FaceTime's, uh, Captain Glenn to give an update where

he's at, you know, he's in quarantine because he's got the big C he's got COVID. No, no, no. That's not the big C. The big C is cancer, man. Oh, no. There's another one too, because I thought this would be funny. Because he keeps testing positive for it. And he thinks if he breathes into a pillow that it'll cure himself. Right, right.

Well, okay, okay, okay. Hold on. But I had this thought that the doctors are kind of screwing up. They keep testing him for chlamydia. And the doctor's like, he still got it. He still got chlamydia but they keep saying the big c so it's a big you know like who's on first kind of deal you know yeah they keep telling him and they have horrific bedside manner they're like gary you've got the big c you still have

the big c and he's like well i think it's because i'm breathing into my pillow and they're like no it has nothing to do with that um but yeah no gary gives us a little bro science he's like if i have covet and i keep slobbering on these pillows i'm gonna keep having covet and glenn's like i don't think it works like that but uh chase is a five alarm fire when he uh when he finds this out he says uh we're supposed to be picking up charter tomorrow, and we're not ready. I'd say we're fucked. Pretty negative. Chase, also,

take it easy. Someone else needs to take it easy. Captain Glenn refers to the department heads as gods. Glenn, take it easy colin is going to take the lead for a little on the deck uh he's going to be the god of the

deck crew by the way what a spectrum one day you're a sea rat the next day you're a living god right right wow you're either a a sea rat who scrums around and scratches and bites and fights, or you're a deity. Yeah, it's really nuts. That's tough. Colin is going to take a lead. Like I said, he tells Glenn, no problem. I've got a little shit to do today, though, so can you take care of that one?

And Glenn's like uh uh yeah yeah yeah sure i guess and i was like colin that's that's a little intense he just told you to be the first mate and you told him to fuck off but um it turns out that colin does have a lot of work to get to um uh glenn's negligence has brought forth a big issue with the engine but we'll get there so you put that together for me because i'm like thinking what's up with that engine i mean how many jobs do you have to do you know when yeah yeah yeah big big big what happened was glenn was um trying to find an industrial amount of shrink wrap on the right um which is hard to get. So that took him a couple days. Then he had to break into the spots and adorn the walls and the floors with said shrink

wrap. Before you know it, he's got 30 minutes before everybody's getting back to the boat. He's been on a week-long heart of darkness kind of quest to figure this whole thing out he gets to the boat out of breath welcomes daisy on board but has not paid attention to the engine and he knew it was leaking wow that's like a movie where we uh in the middle of the movie we get cut back to see what took place you know yeah how this all came to be yeah like the saint yeah did that happen in the saint or vantage point or sherlock holmes with robert downey jr were those good oh it's excellent yeah just a lot of slow-mo yeah he has he likes to have fun with that cameraman oh guy ritchie yeah so daisy and the chef have a little chat communication is their favorite alicia says something but i didn't write it down should we chef have a little chat communication is their favorite alicia says

something but i didn't write it down should we get to a little meanwhile uh yeah we're gonna do a little thing called ads yeah let's get to our ads right now our next partner is a product that i use literally every single day. Pat, why did you start taking AG1? Well, I wanted to feel better in the morning and optimize my day. I want to be a millionaire by the time I'm 30. Yeah, or retired. Oh, that's right.

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GreenChef is the number one meal kit for eating well. All right, so support us there. Those are wonderful sponsors. Get the products. Pat needed Meanwhile. Meanwhile, we find out that literally everyone on the on the vessel is single um and that is what we like to see let's get this ball of snakes balling up and fucking biting and bleeding and coming all of you charithor what

you know what happened you know what just happened to me yeah i thought in my head i don't think i should say coming all over each other i think that's too much we thought and then my mouth fought back against the brain it was like a little tug of war of stupidity yeah you already pushed the skateboard it's uh on its way down the street dylan yeah you gotta chase after it yeah exactly and once i catch up to it i will um i'm gonna move on uh enough about the skateboard Enough about the ball of snakes. And enough about semen. It's time for the Preference Sheet Meeting!

We're just going to sing the music. I'm tired of putting the music in. Fair enough. That's it. We're not doing it anymore. Well, the primary guest is Stephanie Suter. She works in sales in Austin, Texas. She exc, go for it, Caleb. We're not doing it anymore. Well, the primary guest is Stephanie Suter. She works in sales in Austin, Texas. She excels in marketing research,

quantitative business analysis, and business policy. She's gathered a group of seven. That is one of those bloated euphemisms to get you paid more. Quantitative business analysis. That's a nice word. Yeah.

It sounds smart and important. Is that how much business you're doing? Well, she's gathered a group of seven of her best girlfriends to help celebrate her 50th birthday and is excited to experience sailing on such a large sailboat. Oh, wow.

Have fun with that. Is that it? Well, some of the girlfriend's jobs who she brought along include a sales leader, real estate agent, technology sales, flight attendant, and nurse. Wow. Night one. I know what you're going to say. The nurse is a whore? Is that what you're going to say?

Not quite. I dated a nurse. She cheated on me all the time. Why do you have to make me say that when you were going to be the one that said it right right god wow well night one the guests are a lull there was that a lull huh go on night one the guests would like a local sardinian dinner which seems to be mostly just seafood horse meat and an edm party yeah day two the guests would like to hang out at the beach and then steak and seafood with truffle on

everything wow yeah wow wow wow you have to say that's it for the preference all right so i because he't do that, I'm going to knock a significant amount of points off. I would say probably 51 pots. I'll give you 60K. Speaking of EDM parties, I was in line at a bagel place the other day. You can't get good bagels in Los Angeles, so the ones that proclaim and profess

to have good bagels they don't but there are always lines i am behind these two zoomers these two gen z fucking thumb suckers they are they are they've obviously just had sex with one another and they're 600 square foot apartment and so in silver lake so happy for them they're glowing the girlfriend the boyfriend is talking about how he's almost at 10 000 followers the girlfriend is talking about how her birthday is exactly 20 days away and what she wants to do is have a silent disco in venice during the sunset but they've got to plan it because the weekend after she's going to Coachella. I'm standing in line and I'm just thinking to

myself, if I had a gun, I wouldn't kill it. I would kill myself. Yeah. Is there another lull? Maybe I am too hot tonight tonight you're a little hot it's a lot it's okay though i think it's a good energy coming out for our first episode can you imagine that conversation taking place in front of you i mean it's just absolutely nauseating then the guy gets up to the window and i'm in a rush he goes what's that what's that It's a fucking bagel place. It's sesame seeds.

And lox spread is cream cheese with lox in it. You idiot. Go ahead, Pat. I'm hot. Oh, sure. Okay, all right. So Madison, she wants to be called Mads. We get a little look back at her.

She says her brothers nicknamed her Fatty. Yeah. And says words that just bounce off her. That's how she became such a Teflon Don. So Lucky, whose name is actually spelled Lucy, she agrees with her. They're going to be two tough chicks working together. I think these two are going to get along swimmingly.

Those brothers sound pretty fucking vicious. Hey, Fatty. My God. Don't go over their house for Christmas. So the first charter is getting off to a hot start. It looks like where Glenn was, so this is the best spots to hide massacred bodies. The engine began to rot.

We head up to the deck. People are taking the night off. It seems like they've done their work, but this is where we find out that everyone is single except for the chef. But that seems a little tenuous. They dissect the engine and realize that it's not the gearbox. So naturally, it's time for a beer. Of course.

We'll get back to this in the morning. I don't know anything about this. And if I was put in charge of this, everybody would die. Right. That boat would never get off the dock again. But is there not more to do? It seems like it is not time for beer. I think they threw in the towel,

and they'll do a little bit more diagnostics in the morning, but you've got to call out the big boys. You know what I mean? But they did not know that they needed to call out the Caterpillar engineers yet, which sounds like it's something out of a Willy Wonka world. But yeah, no, it's just Sea Rat stuff stuff let's get to the next day next morning gary phones in and this is where he delivers the bro science the issue is the pillows the pillows need to be um i would imagine that

gary thinks that the pillows need to be put in a kind of sterilization chamber a la uh 2001 space odyssey before he could sleep on them again or he's never going to shake this yeah he's never going to shake this moron believes if you swallow gum it stays in your stomach for seven years well that's true oh no i think it's uh no no no i don't think so but uh no no no that is eat carrots, you have better eyesight. That's true. That's true. Yeah. And oh, another truth.

If you have a chronic cough for a year and you go to the doctor, they'll probably give you medication for it. So the guests arrive. Also, if you swallow a watermelon seed, a watermelon will grow on your stomach. Be careful. Chucky taught us that. So the guests arrive. They are toured through the clown

car known as parsifal um and we get our first meal now the first meal this is just little snackies this has to be a good first foot forward now this is an easy putt usually because you're serving food to tongue blind people without a palate. So, arancini balls are going to be just fine. They look delicious. I felt like I was at a wedding. You know, like a wedding ceremony. Like a good. Like a cocktail hour.

Like a good wedding. Where the dad and mom paid for the drinks. Right, right, right. Not like those cheap people that you go to a cocktail hour and you order you know red bull and vodka and he's like it's 12 i'm like sir it's cocktail hour at a wedding it's free how do you feel about uh beer and wine uh i'm fine with that open bar but just beer and wine totally fine with that you're good but something's got to be free yeah so the meal is where the the little uh the little bites are arancini balls you know nothing wrong with that um do you know what arancini is no is it a pepper uh no it would be your favorite kind of food

it's got turkey in it uh could have turkey in it if you want to that would be a revolting choice but i'm sure that you would enjoy it uh you would enjoy turkey and pad thai orange titty balls are rice it's just rice smushed together and deep fried oh it sounds delicious does it you're not afraid of carbs are you you're afraid of fat correct you would rather eat that than an avocado yeah a single avocado is like 20 grams of fat dude it's like your whole daily intake did one one it's supposed to be a vegetable uh ribeye crostini with a horseradish cream is also aboard the table. You have to be brave with that route.

It must sting at the very least. It has to have a whisper of a sting at the very least. I cannot stand when you have horseradish cream that just tastes of mayonnaise. It's just like that. Well, that's not what we're, that's not what the point of this is for. You know,

it is supposed to have at least a whisper of a sting. ahead oh yeah i love horseradish um is this when we get to uh alex admitting that to be the party uh the party entertainer guy you just ply women with liquor and it's his specialty right don't say that out loud man yeah okay bill cosby you know oh and then i think daisy because she's got her job down. I think at some point she's like, let's just order all the guys to take their shirts off. Right, right, right. Shake their asses. And of course it works.

Yeah, no, she's the queen of that. So Alex takes the girls out to sea. He lets his hair down and plies them with Tito's. These women are torqued. They're absolutely torqued. Good news because we've got some bad news. We have a guarantee. We are not moving this boat for a few days.

They need the engine manufacturer, the Caterpillar engineers, to come in the morning because there is seawater in the engine. Do not ever book these vacations. No, no, no. And not even if you have a business to promote because what business has anyone ever trafficked or sought out because it was on below deck? I don't think this show provides a really good picture of the quality of service

that happens on these yachts because people are still doing it despite i know if this was the service when you went on one of these things the industry would collapse i know and the thing about it is these fucking sea rats they always say like oh no this is great service this is great five star and it's like come on sea rats i mean we're watching the show you guys are fucking i mean you had a janitor make pork in a dry pan one year i mean what are we talking about it's just nuts uh all right so we have to get to dinner um it is going to be local what local oysters with a cab sav vinaigrette uh lobster and shrimp rav with truffle filet with garlic puree also known as meat and potatoes um i would say the dinner goes well you don't want

to blow the doors off of anybody in your first go but you definitely don't want to fail to meet the mark or hit the mark or whatever the expression is i thought she did a good job cab sav vinaigrette sounds absolutely disgusting and filet and garlic puree is just steak and potatoes but they're so wasted how would they even know what they're tasting i'm sure that they would have been fine with uh you know you you guys have kids you get those annie's mac and cheese cups oh delicious oh delicious. Hell yeah. I steal Ellie's all the time out of the fridge when I'm drunk. They're good, right? Oh, yeah.

Would you rather have that or local oysters with a cab-sav vinaigrette? Oh, mac and cheese. What about you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially at midnight when I'm stumping around drunk looking for something to eat. Right, right, right. By the way, so that one of the one of the guests she falls off her chair twice she's so wasted she quite literally hits the deck i was thinking this is when that pirate boat goes

and throws a grenade in there and kills everybody yeah yeah that was triangle of sadness i think triangle of sadness yeah great movie true stupidity great movie and these witches i mean she falls down twice and they just sit there and it's not even like, it's not even a rendered unhelpful because of laughter. They're just looking at her, not helping at all. I mean, it's a real Lord of the Flies kind of thing. It's fucked up. Sometimes you can be so comfortable in your friendship that you can have a good laugh at that, knowing they're not going to be offended. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So let's get to the EDM party. Quite a setup. We've got four balloons and wigs. I don't know. These are always weird because of the royalty-free music, and we move on to the next day. Oh, sure. I was just saying, Alex, he's got the best service etiquette for dealing with drunks. I mean, he's up till all hours of the night in the jacuzzi serving the ladies and uh you should be given his props for that i like alex i'm i uh right now i think he's uh pretty good sorry i didn't need to say that did you think that he needed to say that and listen i've said a lot of things that don't well i was going to give a speech look it wasn't always easy the paint uh i got in my eyes and and I'm not going to lie, pretending to care what Anne-Marie had said, it wasn't easy, but it was all part of the job.

I like to thank my crew, or my agent, because he exists. His name's Mike August, and he's doing a banging job getting me on this show. Inside joke. Pat, what is that thing on top of your house? Is that an antenna of some sort? Yeah, that's DirecTV, right? That's DirecTV. I don't think that's a direct tv right that's direct i don't

think that's direct it says direct tv no no i'm talking about that thing that little the one that looks like an ant that looks a little i don't know i'll have to so the caterpillar and engineers they come up and they're all long and they got like a hundred legs and shit and they're like uh we cannot do anything about this for 15 days and they're like smoking these long cigarettes and they're on acid and stuff i love it if it does take 15 days and we see three charters on the deck well what they did what they don't show us is that next episode will begin with the caterpillar engineer going or there is a second option where we can have this fixed in 10 minutes. And so that's what we'll see next week.

Guys, thank you so much for listening to the show. Join us on Patreon. Join us on YouTube, Instagram, and get in those reviews. We love you guys so much for supporting the show. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat, say goodbye. Later, dudes. Kaelin, say goodbye.

Goodbye.