Another Below Deck Podcast - What Kind of Rehab is This? | The Valley S2 E8

Episode Date: June 5, 2025

With Dylan on paternity leave, Pat and Ruby are back, along with Producer Caelan, to talk all about wine lines, Karen Reed, metal detectors, soft targets, black box theatre, and more from Bravo's The Valley.StoryWorth.com/BadTVFirst Leaf - TryFirstLeaf.com/BadTV

In Ireland, nothing gets us talking like Lions. Tea? Small talk. Well, Jimmy, shockin' weather we're havin'. Big talk. Even I could have played County Office Talk. I'm MIA in the AM, but I'll circle back on the KPIs. Real talk.

Milk before tea. Should be a criminal offence. You could say we talk too much, but the truth is... We don't talk nearly enough. Lions puts the talk into tea. Welcome to Bad TV. I'm Pat. This is Ruby. Hi Patrick.

How are you? Doing great. And producer, Kaylin. Hey Patrick. How's it going? I'm doing great, man. Good. We're going to be recapping this week's episode of The Valley.

How was that? Yeah, that was good. We fixed the sound, everybody. So shut up Were people mad at you last week, uh, some people said I sounded like I had a bubble in my throat Okay. Yeah. Yeah, my fiance who loves you guys and listens to all your episodes even the show She doesn't watch was like what's wrong with Patrick? I was like, what did I do to the sound? She's like he doesn't sound right and I was like I thought it sounded pretty Good and then I was like, oh, yeah, he was on his computer

That was on you Pat. Oh, no, I get it. It's totally I ordered another microphone anyway, but that's that's behind the scenes All right a couple things some housekeeping to get to there were some rating and ratings and reviews this week now I normally don't like to look at our reviews because, you know, when someone says I'm great, I'm like, yeah, okay, but it's the ones that tell me that I suck that really hurt, so I just decided I'm not gonna read them at all. I did make the mistake because Dylan isn't here and it is part of our show where I will talk

about certain reviews we have. The idiot out there that gave us two stars because I was mocking a cast member, Danny, for being a drunk go kick rocks you idiot the entire cast is saying he's a drunk I'm the one the last two episodes who defended him and said he should be able to go up for a day in Santa Barbara and get blackout drunk he doesn't have his kids he can have fun so do you even listen to the show anyway that heated there for a second weren't you calling him a drunk kind of before they even got to it on the end this season yeah he's a drunk has a problem with alcohol

anyway don't we all all right so we should probably get to any anything you need to get to Ruby I I do I just need to read Dylan's Dylan sent us a colorful text message earlier. Oh, right, right. This is his show notes that he won. Yeah, but that's all those are my only things to say. So you get through all of your housekeeping and that's that's all. Oh, um, let's see. Let's see. We're just wrapping up our coverage of summerhouse at patreon.com slash another podcast network. Dill will be back very soon, I assume on our Patreon feed.

He'll be sharing what it's like to be a new dad and what's going on there. I just got an email today from a family member saying, don't go to their house, leave them alone. Oh yes, exactly. No more people coming over for food, stay away. And that's all, thank you. Yeah, yeah, I could see where that would be very annoying.

Fortunately for us, when Elliot was born, it was the first week of COVID, so no one was coming near us, so we were left alone. Wow. Yeah, it was just- Okay, yeah. Well, Kailin, you've had children more recently-ish than that, I believe. Did you do like a meal delivery thing

with all of your friends and family trying to help you and then realize that you hated it and didn't want to do that? No, we did not do anything like that. And my second one was also born during COVID. So I got the same benefits as Patty did. No one coming by. Didn't have to deal with anybody. Dylan was nice enough. He dropped off to two containers full of nachos. My favorite food group. My wife. Wow, what a guy is that? Wow, what a guy. Yeah.

I mean, Cecilia's family is very, very loving, very caring. They do this and are, I mean, yeah, you know, you know our mom. So I think that they probably were just like, it's okay. Thank you guys. We'll see you in a while, but goodbye. So all right. Well, I guess we'll get to the valley. Ruby, do you want to give your rotten hells or bumps?

My bumps. All right. This episode, I want Jax back on the screen so that I can yell about him because he is a reprehensible fucking human being. If I, yeah. Jason, little performer, Jason, stage mom, Janet really put on some tanner. She said, we're going to work today, baby, get in the car. And he showed up.

I thought that was great. Sheena, okay, Jax, sorry, I am so sorry, Patrick. I just called you Jax. That's I know that we hate Brock. He has 44 children in 33 different countries. I think him asking Janet if she was done when she was on her diatribe about Jasmine. I want that moment to live in my heart as as something that I never forget. I would give it 37 bumps. Hmm 37 that's pretty high. Yeah it is. I thought

it was a good episode especially last week. Last week kind of sucked. Well we've had so these are the storylines we have rolling through this episode. Of course Jax is in rehab or maybe not. I don't know what rehab allows you to just leave and come and sign new leases and sneak into your shared dwelling and steal jewelry. Oh he's a he's like a meth addict right now. Oh, according to him, he was really working on himself. But anyway, uh, okay. So the last two episodes we had Danny as a drunk. Okay.

And now we're on our second episode with Jason doesn't wear his wedding ring out. Okay. This is pretty thin sauce. If you ask me. A yeah, the sauce is very watery. I agree with that. There is no creamy consistency. You wouldn't want it on a pasta. Maybe it's a dressing very, very like oily or something for someone on a diet. I think that it has the makings of everything that will explode.

Interestingly enough, this week there was no Jesse and I, oops, he couldn't have cared less actually. I found myself maybe having higher or lower blood pressure, whichever one is better because I hated less. Yeah, I think we needed a break from Jesse. Jesse, you got to just get the right amount of him. Too much is not enough. He's like that porridge in that cottage, you know?

Yes, great, great comparison. Exactly. So, yeah, I thought that, great, great comparison. Exactly. So, yeah, I thought that, yeah, I don't know, it was a fine episode, better than last week, but I appreciated this classic opening. I thought that we haven't had like a really good sweep of what are we all up to? You know what I mean? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Well, you know, one of the tragic things of that and why I'm going to ding this a couple

rotten hells is we landed on a place we hadn't been before. And that is Sheena Shea and Brock's house. So what Ruby's referring to is how the show always starts and we bounce around to each person's dwelling and see what they're up to. And most of them are attending to children, small children. Yep. But in the case of Sheena Shay and Brock's, they're having a party. And we just jump into it. Should we just get it? Oh, I'm gonna give it a 14 rotten hells. Kaylin, what'd you think of the episode? I Well, I don't like Jason, he bugs the fuck out of me. And I hated his manufactured. I'm angry over nothing bullshit. And he just

really bugged me. And so I was actually going with 15 rotten hells. The rest of the episode was kind of boring to me, too Okay Alright sheen ashe and Brock's house. We're there After bouncing around to multiple places in the San Fernando Valley now. I did a little research This is what's scary if you're a celebrity you can just type in people's names Especially if you're on reality TV if you're Julia Roberts You can probably hide any disclosures on the internet about where you live specifically. But if

you're Sheena Shay, within about 35 seconds, I not only knew where they lived, I knew how much they paid for the house. I actually saw the interior of the house. They paid $2.5 million for it is a modern farmhouse in Sherman Oaks. One of the best features of the house is that it's five bedrooms. So there's three extra rooms his kids that he doesn't talk to will never see. I hope that bloated slob hears me talking smack about him. Okay. Yep. Also, just really quickly, Caitlin, do you think that Brock is fat or is Patrick just hateful? He's he's a big boy, but I wouldn't call him fat okay yeah yeah but like fat is no okay just thank you hold on let me say this Brock is if he

doesn't work out for two weeks in a row he turns into a blob okay yeah puffy puffy puffy big boy so Britt tells Janet and this is when I guess they're at the house, uh, the Jax is still texting her, uh, and she's pretty upset about it. And he was able to sign that new lease from rehab, uh, essentially, uh, and he did it to mess with her. Uh, best part of the scene was Brock interrupting to say nothing. And then Sheena attempting to promote her wine brand. Did you see her in the background? to say nothing and then Sheena attempting to promote her wine brand. Did you see her in the background? I did. And here's the thing. I think that at this point producers get her to show up and editors say, fuck you producers. And they say, we will not show this and we will do the bare minimum what you require. They were like, we need four to six seconds of the wine in the background. They were like, perfect. Got it. We're going to blur it and put it in the bottom right corner. And I thought that also Brock at one point, Brittany says that, you know, we're gonna blur it and put it in the bottom right corner. And I thought that also, Brock at one point,

Brittany says that, you know, life is very hard right now, there's a lot going on. So she's just taking it slow. And he, I think calls his child mentally challenged and says, well, I'm gonna go play with Summer. That's as slow as it gets. And I said, okay, you go, Brock. Well, what else is he gonna do?

Well, not tend to his other children, but I did think that the wine brand was a push, and also that I haven't heard anything about it is kind of crazy for Sheena, no? Yeah, although that's more common that I'm seeing. So Amanda Bottullo has a swimwear line that doing a scene of a soft launch a year ago. You go to the website, what does it put you on an email list when she's ready up and running? Okay, so that's the thing

that's never going to happen. Lisa Renna famously had a sparkling rose. That manifested the Orange County ladies Tamra and Vicky had wines by wives. They did. Now that's something that actually happened. And then I want to say the witches of West Hollywood actually had a wine line. Right. Ramona had one. Mm-hmm. They all do. And yeah, no, but they don't all actually, you can't buy them all. So good job to the people who's you can buy. Way to go lover boy. And this isn't that I don't think. No, it absolutely is not. Okay, so Janet and Britt chat and because I think Danny being a drunk storyline has run in run itself into the ground. It's time to ignite a new storyline Zack hates Jared

So was Jared the The guy who had the pink boots last season Patrick I think so, but let me tell you something right now. I Don't fucking care. Okay. I don't care who Jared is. Every time Kingsley barks, Brittany says something along the lines of like, shut the fuck up. I can't fucking take it. You're making me want to kill myself. That's how I feel whenever this is brought up. I hate it. And

it's Kingsley in my background enough. There's enough going on right now Kingsley quiet down. But yeah, I think he has pink boots. He's the other the other sassy gay, right? The other sassy gay. I want to say though, there were multiple sassy gays that surrounded Janet, a couple last year. So but I do believe it's pink boots. I will give production a suggestion. When you're referring to someone and it's this prevalent in the episode, perhaps give us a look back. I mean, we have Brock and Sheena here. They're a waste of our screen time.

They gave us the wasn't he the one that was like I was vegan. I've never had Sheena's enchiladas that have no recipe or like directions to follow. I think that was Jared Pink Boots Jared. It was okay. All right. Well, because the drama went down while the cameras weren't there I guess there's some room for interpretation of what actually took place it's like that Karen Reed thing you know. Yeah yeah exactly Pat that's exactly what it's like except for the fact that it's kind of not like that so we and we should have mentioned we were on we chatted with with Mary Payne earlier on pink shade and Patrick Patrick made the very, very good point of sort of bringing up like, you can't

say things that they think are so bad that they won't say on camera on this network at this point. They've said really bad stuff. And I think it was MP that said when Janet was like, I mean, you could have just said, like, go fuck yourself, but he didn't say that. So then we all hypothesized, like, what, what did he say? You know, and that was a fun game to play. I think that what he said was really bad. And I think that that's why he like for Brittany to run out of the house and be like, what did you say? Like for Brittany to run out of the house and be like, what did you say?

You know, like her pastor literally thinks that everyone like he thinks that is gonna burn in hell. So That's gotta be bad Zach. Well, Zach claimed he just said he's a fucking asshole and then Britt heard That it was something worse like it involved a hamster or something and then having to get it Vacuumed out of his asshole.. It was something really crazy like that. But with it being alive still and that is now, yeah. And he took his liver with him. And that, oh, right, that was the thing is that Jared is an organ recipient and so we were saying that maybe he did a really low blow like about

Jared's organ or something of which I don't know, but not good and very bad. And I think he is capable of saying really reprehensible things. So yeah, you and I both agreed. By the way, go listen to us on pink shade. We talked about everything. The Karen Reed thing at Real Housewives, Atlanta, the Valley, of course. What else did we talk about over there?

Oh, love hotel. Love hotel. Hey, sorry. Valley of course. What else did we talk about over there? Oh, Love Hotel. Love Hotel. Hey, sorry, just because I don't think this episode is going to be more than 22 minutes. Karen Reed, just real quickly, because I think I learned my lesson. All I did on Pink Shade with Ruby and MP, who clearly believe Karen Reed to be not guilty of the crime. Thank you. Second degree murder. I had at least presented the idea that that would mean

that more than five people would have to keep their story straight, right? I saw in Juicy Scoop before we started, I was just scrolling around on their Facebook group, and someone had the temerity to say, this is an unpopular opinion, but I think Karen Reed is guilty as fuck. And there's 450 comments. I

Think there's some death threats towards that person that posted that mmm. I was gonna say in agreement because no boy Well, you know careful cuz we might Karen read ya No, not quickly this this trial keeps me up at night. It keeps me up in the morning I play it as often as I can I No, not quickly. This trial keeps me up at night. It keeps me up in the morning. I play it as often as I can. I do not think that there... I disagree with Patrick. I don't think it's that difficult to get a group of Boston cops to collude over something that was a tragic accident.

And I hope that she doesn't go to prison forever because I think there is reasonable doubt and that's just that. That's all you need. So, cops are cops? you need cops a cops. Yeah, cops cops. I will say this. I made a prediction. She will be on a reality TV show in two and a half years.

I think you're 100% right. I do think that I would love to see her on Dancing with the Stars. I think she'd be great. And well, who knows? What did you say? Over a house was a Boston. Yeah, fun. Yeah, that'd be fun.

Like, how do you know Karen? You know, when they're getting to know each other in the group? Oh Karen's my friend. Oh From what at before or after It yeah, it's fucking amazing. Let's drink some wine bitches. Okay. This is where Sheena Brittany Janet and Jason chat while they eat enchiladas and they discuss Kristen's accusation about Jason's ring tossing. And I guess Jasmine was invited to a pool party. Oh, this pool party, but she declined because she was complicit in spreading this rumor. Yeah. So, okay, this felt like this entire, this entire episode was like an episode of Menudo and I was being gaslit the entire time. Everyone's going back and forth pretending

they don't know who's bringing things up, where it started, what's going on, why is it being brought up again. Correct me if I'm wrong. Zach told Kristin and Janet about this that they heard two years ago, okay? It likely was never true to begin with. And then they brought it up again. And then Kristen admits it later in the episode, right? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. So I guess we can all say well, Janet announces that if you come for her or come for her honey, she'll come for you. And I think we can all agree. Who gives a fuck? First season, twothirds of the cast marriages were imploding this

season we're discussing whether or not someone will or will not ring that being said I love it so far all right let's get to beach day Jason and Brittany have a metal detector as I pointed out on an episode that Ruby and I just did oh Janet yeah sorry Janet as I pointed out people that own metal detectors mostly it's a guy thing, are also in the category of guys who go to porn conventions to meet porn stars and get autographs. It's huge. I agree with you there, Pat. That middle is massive in that Venn diagram.

Oh, yes, it is. I was thinking about Jackson, how he defaulted on that home loan, their mortgage mortgage and it made me think of my stepfather Jimmy Dell he basically raised me and when I was trying to buy a house and I needed a cosigner no one would do it and my stepdad came forward and cosigned on that house so this year I want to make Father's Day extra special for Jimmy Dell and that's why I'm giving him a unique heartfelt gift that will truly make him feel loved. It's called Story Worth Memoirs. This is how it works. Story Worth emails Jimmy Dell or your dad or loved one one memory provoking question that you can help pick. Questions like, did you ever get in trouble in school? Or what were your favorite

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All right. Everyone arrives, including Lala and the beekeeper. Boy, the beekeeper. I hadn't realized how creepy his eyes are. Ramona Singer the runway creepy very big. Yeah, and also he doesn't blink. He's worried. He's gonna get stung by a bee I guess then he should keep them closed, right? Oh, yeah, that's a great point. Well, uh Sheena lets Christian know the group was talking shit about her And then Jasmine lets us know she's not fucking apologizing to anybody Yeah, okay So Kaylin mentioned this earlier, but I think it was at the barbecue and Jason was like, I'm not moving forward unless Janet can apologize. Sorry. And then Janet was like, yeah, sorry. Like in the background, you're like, okay. And then she gives her speech about target

on your back, bitch. And then now we're here. And now Janet is kind of giving us the same thing. And it's all just like it feels very. High school senior black box theater production to me, they are like, oh, these kids have promised this is good. But what are we doing here? Why are we here again? You know what I mean? This isn't real. And the walk to the beach was too long from the parking lot. And I don't know. Oh, this was one of Dylan's things. And the walk to the beach was too long from the parking lot.

And I don't know, oh, this was one of Dylan's things. Oh yeah. We'll discuss. I'll read them now. Yeah, why don't we do that? So Dylan, who's busy being a father and hanging out with his beautiful family, had time to watch the valley.

And it's very important to him because he gave us some notes of, some, I guess some observations he made about this specific episode. Ruby, please. Okay. He said, I know I'm not there, but I wanted to relay a few thoughts on the valley dot dot dot. One, Doc Byler is disgusting and crime happens there. Two, that was the single worst game of Truth or Dare I've ever seen filmed and we've seen at least 55 games of Truth or Dare filmed. filmed three when I am back

I will create a change org petition to get Zack off the show and or deported back to Canada even though he's not from there I Agree with everything Dylan just said you too miss you buddy. Mm-hmm Well, all right Can I ask Pat? Yeah. The LA geography, the reason, because when Brittany gets there, she's like, took me five years to get here. Is it because they can't have bonfires anywhere? You have to drive 45 years for that.

Why is it so far? That was Redondo. And that is definitely, there's not a freeway that drops you off here. See up north here, we have all our beaches. You can get on PCH, you can take the 10, You can take the one on one if you want to hit Malibu down there. It's you get off a freeway and then you still got to drive probably another four miles of like stop and go traffic to get to the beach. Oh, you know this well, don't you? Pretty much once you get to Venice, anything below Venice is this is the situation. Yeah. So that's what happened. I totally recognize the topography of that area when where they were

Yeah, all right. Well stay away from the beach and that's all yeah I don't really need to go to the beach ever again except for my children Yeah, you do need to go for your children I actually can I tell you something one of my core core core memories are to to beach things and Dylan and I are not Beach people maybe for this reason we were we had a beach house in North Carolina got swept away in a hurricane I believe in Cape Hatteras and my, I was very scared to go out into the ocean alone. I swim out and he did not swim out behind me. And I panicked and I swam back in and I said, that was very, very not nice. And he said, well, you came back, you

learned everything was fine, didn't you? And he was right. And now there's crime here. So I'm going to mute myself and you can carry us. Oh, well, I've shared this before, but as long as we're kind of like going back in the past and sharing our favorite beach stories, I at five years old somehow walked off from my mom who was with some other people. And I couldn't find her in the crowd of people

at Hampton Beach. And I walked down near the water. And before I knew it, a fairly very large woman had tripped and fallen on me and just as the water had come in from the beach soaked over me and the large woman of course had pressed me down in the sand so much that it created like uh I don't know little abrasions on my tiny little skin and the salt hit it and I screamed in pain. And then did you find your mom? Oh yeah eventually I found her.

Yeah. And, uh, but I hate the beach for that reason. Sometimes it's just little things like that. Pat, you have to take your kids there though, you know what I mean? Cause otherwise what are they going to talk about on, on the podcast? Well, I agree. It's life is all experiences. Now I want to talk about the drama that has taken place in this season so far because

I have a theory. All right. Jesse started us off in roaring fashion by accusing the mother of his child of being a reasonably priced prostitute. Yes. Okay. That was pretty crazy. All right. And of course Jack's having to go to rehab. It's pretty wild for a main cast member to check out of the show that he

basically helms to disappear for four or five episodes. Fine. Following that, who do they go for for storylines? The soft targets. Because this is manufactured by very skilled, longtime reality TV people that know what they're doing. Going after drunk Danny was a very smart move. Now Jasmine, you could say, well, she's not real.

Yes, she is. She's been on The Bachelor. She was on that Dallas Cowboys cheerleading reality show. And she's already, this is her second season of this. She knows exactly what she's doing. Darko Danny, Dark Side Danny is a drunk. She got two episodes out of that. Who do we go for next?

The other wimp in the group Jason not wearing his ring he can't defend himself where this show is going to start getting some movement is when the females start going for each other because then it's going to be much stronger more yeah. Yeah, I agree with that kind of wholeheartedly I think that this is weak. It's a tough line though, because like the real implosion of marriages, Jack's being an actual domestic abuser to his wife and removing her and his child from their home,

like very, very dark. Don't go so light though, bravo, because now we're just kind of like punching down at people. And again, like I said earlier, those people are going to all become Kingsley to me, and I'm gonna wanna hear nothing about any of them unless we start to throw real dirt at each other. I think Pat, Kristin and Nia are both pregnant,

like kind of right now in this era of them deciding what to do here, so everyone everyone's in that like protecting that era Maybe once they're all done and they've popped their kids out which is I mean any day now will start to get like I'm done I've had it and now I'm exhausted because I have a newborn and I think that you've honestly you're fucking fat your Botox is bad And who did your filler, you know things like that Wow. Oh, that's mean-spirited stuff You know, I had said this on the other podcast that we collabed with. See, and you may say, Patty, you're a horrible person for putting this out there, but it's worth saying because Andy does it at every BravoCon.

He sits the entire cast down of a reality TV show and he says, well, what marriage do you think is going to implode next? So in this case, I think Kristen and Luke will probably be married by next year. So we're going to count them. We have Nia and Danny, and then we have Jason and Janet. There is no way all three of those couples are making it out of this television show. There is no way. Well, how many seasons though?

Okay, so Nia and Kristen are about to get pregnant in the show timeline, right? So they're not gonna, you know, they're not gonna get to, how many seasons are we talking about here, do you think? Well, let me say this. So we have a lot of parent friends because, well, I have two kids. I can tell you, after about year two, that's when all the divorces started.

So if I'm doing that timeline, we're in the season five where Kristen says, you know, Luke's just not for her. And then why year two? Well, you know, I think people, I'll tell you kids in marriage and I, and people, people listening to their parents, it's a real struggle. You're at each other's throats. It's a true test. Chime in here if you want to Kaylin It's a true test for a marriage and how you can work together because you become a company and the business is running

Your house with a kid that is terrorizing you you're not on a lot of sleep It brings out the worst in both people, and then you go at it. So if the foundation of the relationship is not solid, it can tear you apart. I told, well, I've said this on the podcast, no less than four couples right at the same time within a six-month period, all kids the same age, two, two and a half, announced they were separating. So for me, that's been like the, it seems like the sweet spot for a relationship imploding when you have kids. So to answer your question, season five.

Okay, that's interesting. Cause I feel like two is when you kind of can relax a little bit cause they're not so small anymore. Don't they start to do shit when they're like three? It's a great theory, but I think that's when you come up for air a little bit. And you realize you hate your spouse. Yeah, and maybe I'm talking out of my ass. You guys just tell me if I'm a effing

idiot. But I mean, the proof is in the pudding based on my personal experience with other couples. Okay, Nia and Danny, I could see and I know they have four kids and they got the house in Santa Clarita right now. He does have a drinking problem and she is effing fucking hot. And if she's on this show for a very long time and the money starts getting a little bit more and I could see some cracks could happen there. And same goes for Janet and Jason. She is thirsty. She wants to be a reality star. Someone did a whole timeline about how she moved out here, befriended people on this show to get on the show. She had a strategy. She executed it very well. Here she is. I think she will throw him under the bus at

any given time if it means making another step up the ladder in reality TV. Okay. I have to say, I think I really, this is what I want. I think Jason actually, I have to say I think I really this is what I want. I think Jason actually I'm sorry, Caitlin I agree. I think he was very weirdly performative and very stage mommy spray tan this week. I Think he's at his core a good guy. I hope that Jack that Janet realizes that at her core She may be very dark and evil and she needs him to balance her and he is the best thing that's ever happened to her So she should fucking never let that go I Do agree that I think he's a very good guy and okay, I do not like for reality TV I do not want really good guys on reality TV

Agreed get off and support your wife who's great for reality TV like way from the back, you know? Yeah, there you go lob the ball Nia and Danny Nia is going to get her mommy makeover, which she very much so fucking deserves. Get after it. I think Danny traveling from Santa Clarita to LA daily or weekly, whatever the fuck it's going to be, spending all that time away, she is going to be alone with her kids and he is going to likely have one indiscretion and that is all it should take for her to say, actually, actually, I'm going to go get my house in Midwilshire and I is going to likely have one indiscretion and that is all it should take for her to say,

actually, actually, I'm gonna go get my house in Midwilshire and I'm gonna probably marry somebody who will ruin you for sport. So fuck you, she's too hot and I hope that he gets his drinking under control. Yeah, I like that, I like that. Glad we went down that little rabbit hole. Me too, Pat, thank you, thank you.

Kaylyn, did you agree with the, do you have any. Thank you. Mmm, Kaylin Do you agree with that? Do you have any couples that you guys knew that have broken up after with small children? No, I mean all the couples I know which are just a handful or all my water cooler friends and you and you Okay, let's see Where are we here? Jasmine, okay because it's a day that ends in Y and reality people really struggle to make. Hey, someone suggests they play a game of truth or dare.

This is what Dylan was referring to. And let's remind the audience, everyone is between about 38 and 42 here and have children. So I believe it was the second question. Has anyone taken it in the can? And I think Sheena said me. Right. anyone taken it in the can. And I think Sheena said, me. Right, and then she proceeded to say, Brock's dick isn't long, but it's wide, and I got hemorrhoids from it.

And then that was something that I couldn't unhear. So that was that. Let me tell you something, that little filly, she's come a long way from Azusa, California, you know? Well, I don't really know how far away Redondo is from Azusa because it doesn't feel very far anal feels very Azusa to me, doesn't it? Yes, it does. Well the sun's going down and Jason is urged to confront Jasmine You know, he is so conflicted when he gets cajoled into doing this

It is definitely not a good fit for him to go have to confront people. I mean, imagine him showing up in the law office on Monday after one of these episodes runs. I mean, his coworkers are just like, she made you do that again, huh? Yes, she did. Yes, she did. Yes. Yeah, he, he doesn't like this. He's going to get ulcers and he should become a B character next season probably. Yeah, well, okay. So they're insistent on finding work for La La Sheena and Brock by throwing them into this show, including Swartz, who I saw yesterday at Ralph's by the way. And what they should have done, if you ask ol' Patty, is they should have added two new couples.

There's a lot of crime, but I agree with you completely. That would have done it. Add two new hot couples to the mix. You're telling me in the San Fernando Valley there aren't two thirsty couples that would eagerly jump on this show and help make this show more fun. Because it's always fun to meet new couples and see their dynamic.

And we already know Lala's story. We already know Sheena and Brock's story. There's a thing that happens in television or just characters in general. You run out of their emotional story arc. You've seen everything they have to give. I'm sorry, Sheena is a pretty one-dimensional character for television.

Every everybody becomes a Kingsley and that's not what we want here. I think that you know what they could they could pull somebody from Nia and Danny's church who's fucking beautiful. We could get maybe like a couple one of those couples where the husband is just objectively not attracted to women, but they are beautiful and they are in this in this community together. And then just like a hot, sexy, normal, successful couple from, I don't know, from the valley. There's a ton. Sherman Oaks. Yeah.

Sherman Oaks. Walk down the street, knock on a door, you'll be like, oh, there's 11 people who said maybe today. Also, you know what I would want? And again, please, if any producers over there, you can just call me. I'll give you all my great ideas. You should have a restaurateur that owns a couple spots

in Studio City. Like, you know, and we're not talking fucking Jax here. All right, that place, that place isn't gonna see 2026. I can tell you that right now. No, it will not. I was gonna say it won't see 2025, but that's the year we're in, so it already has. Yeah, or a developer.

One of the guys, the Love Hotel guys, the one that Giselle is talking to, whose name I can't remember, who's very, very soft spoken and kind of swaggy, but really rich. Oh yeah, is that Philip? He's got the money out here. He's a-

The developer? Mm-hmm, yep. Get one of those. Get him, get a him wife on there, you know? And him and his wife. And honestly, make them be like 53, but really like young at heart with older kids and make them like judgy, I don't know.

And ready to whoop it up. Yeah, yeah. All right, well Jasmine explains that despite not revealing her sources she heard from Jason that Jason doesn't wear his ring. I love how she won't give up her source. And just like that Jasmine breaks Jason's heart. I think he said that. And then Jasmine calls Janet a Karen and then yelling begins. And then I think Aaron was staring off into the distance. And then a bunch of crows flew above in the formation of a heart that shattered. Can I tell you a scene that I could have used this episode, Michelle and Aaron out for lunch.

I want to see them two talking. Okay. Yeah, because he just staring with those big eyes that not blinking for an hour. I I'll take him and Michelle at lunch over Zack again. I'm sick of Zack. Well, me too. But I don't want too much of Aaron keep Aaron like the vanilla sprinkle or the the rainbow sprinkles on vanilla cupcakes that offer nothing but they're there, you know, but I don't want too much of Aaron. Keep Aaron like the vanilla sprinkle or the rainbow sprinkles on vanilla cupcakes that offer nothing, but they're there.

Keep him there. Let's keep him there. All right. Well, Janet and Jason walk off and Brock runs to them. They must have told Brock, we're only paying you per scream time per second. That's deals they make. So he got his big fat bloated ass up and starts running. Where do you fit into this where you're chasing after these two people?

And, and what? Yeah, I thought that the alliances kind of were actually the other would have been the other way. And then he makes a joke at the end and calls her Karen. And it's just like, it's very, I hated all of it. I thought all of it was actually rather performative and Jasmine not being able to control her actual hatred for Janet. Like Janet could have could have said like in the middle of her sentence, she could have been like, you look beautiful. She would have been like, you shut your fucking mouth

or I'm gonna get really loud right now, Janet. And I was like, although I understand because I would feel the same way about Janet and Jason, we all love so much. You you you gotta you you all look like you're performing again, Black Box Theatre, high school seniors. It's just like, what are we doing here? And then they're trying to leave. And Brock is like, no, no, no, no, no, no, I need 11 more stills or else I don't get paid. It was, it was wild. I think it was worse acted than high school drama class. All right, so next day. Now this is why I love this show really, because these are all the spots that my wife and I

hit. And these are all local. I could, if I had a strong enough arm, I could throw a baseball and hit the coffee shop that they all went on because it was on Vineland Boulevard. Do you know which? Oh, did you recognize this place at all? No. But every place that we go to my wife is like, Hey, do you know that? Do you know a place? I'm like, I think so. They're they're all the newer, but every place that we go to, my wife is like, Hey, do you know that? Do you know a place? I'm like, I think so.

They're, they're all the newer places. They're all kind of like, I think I do. Yeah. This spot's been around for a while. Um, but, uh, this is where Brittany, Kristen, Zach and Nia, uh, hang out at a coffee shop and, uh, let's see here. Oh yeah. We learned that the reason that we were all so much with better blood pressure was because

Jesse was actually just playing cornhole the night before with Nia and Zach because they also had to get paid for their stills. But Alex Baskin was like, you can't go to the beach. So figure it out. That's right. Um, oh, and I already said that. Have I said this on the show? I went to Jack's like two weeks ago.

It is clearly a money laundering operation at this point because it has zero patrons. I hope that it is a money laundering operation because otherwise it's going to close very quickly and everyone will be out of jobs. And I know that they only have one person who works there, but I do want Brittany to make money for her son. So it's tough. Let me tell you one of the critical mistakes they made with that place and how they have it all set up. I know they had an investor or a designer come in there. LA loves looking outside onto the street for all their venues. This place built a fence.

It's an outdoor patio that does not look out onto Ventura Boulevard. It's dark inside. Dark. It's very, very dark. They purposefully made it that way. It's completely covered It's actually on a spot that it has so much foot traffic that people just want to watch people walk by it's LA Not everyone is a homeless fucking zombie. Some people are like well-dressed and they're hot and you want to watch them walk by Yes bad I hope they're laundering money so that Brittany can continue to get child support from Jack's fun little fact here the audience

Some of them like it some of them hate it Prior to Jack's it was something else before that and something else before that It used to be a jazz bar called Laveley. It was there for 20 years and that's where Robert Blake man met Pamela Bakley the woman he shot in the head. Okay, yeah, well that's nice, Pat, thank you for that. Sure, sure, let's see. So what happens here, they discuss Jason and Janet and Kristen points out if they continue to offend her,

it means it's true, which not necessarily in reality TV. It actually probably means the opposite probably I think actually coming from Kristin and she's like, it becomes clear multiple times. The only reason that she's bringing up any of this Jason shit and doubling down on it is just because she's like, Janet stop talking shit about me and Danny. And it's like, okay, well that two plus that isn't a car.

You know, that's not, that's insane behavior. That being said, I then Zach just actually pivots, like he's on high school debate and he's like, and thank you for that. I take the yield of time. Brittany, you've been a very bad friend to me and you take Jana and Jared's side, even though I've been your friend for longer

and took care of your boobs after Jax gave them to you. So. longer and took care of your boobs after he got Jax gave them to you. So. Mm-hmm. Yeah. He is clearly a lot of his identity is through his friendship with Brittany and I don't think he feels his whole self if she's not giving him a lot of her attention. And that's a pretty weird place to be as a human being. Be your be your own person dude. Right and also maybe it's not that weird when you're 11 or under the age of 16, but when you're in your 30s, and yeah, it's weird, I think.

Or we need to do work and not make it weird, you know? Do we know what Zach does for a living? No. Well, then Zach tells Brittany that she's changed and he's always been there for and so I guess we're going to continue that little resentment. Okay, we go to LA Talks with Danny and Nia. This place drains toxins and Danny thinks they're to drain the toxic relationships out

of his body, but they're actually there to drain the two bottles of Casamigos he blacked out on the night before because he's a drunk and your reviewer that left me that he's a drunk okay and he would thumbs up that comment if he could Pat's comment not your comment thank you uh Nia wants a baby again we've heard that this is a common refrain we know now that she did in fact. No, no, but I have to say one thing before we leave the talks. To any man, I would say. And as you know, Dylan and I have aggressive body dysmorphia and I've had no children, so I can't imagine what it'll be like after that happens. If you're just a person living on the earth and any person says to you like they're talking about like an insecurity about their body. Note to self, never ever ever have your response be you've never heard me complain. Oh, okay. I'll actually, in my robe, I'll run out onto the street outside

of talks, kill myself and then I'll give you nothing to complain about because I'll be dead. Maybe something like you're beautiful at any weight, if this is a weight issue, your body is this way because you've housed all three of our beautiful children. You've never heard me complain. Oh, okay, well that's because you're too drunk every time. But Patrick, I paused, I had to sit alone in my living room,

take a breath and say, okay, continue. That was awful. I'm going to make an admission here. When my wife said something like this to me, my response was almost verbatim. What Danny said. So I am I'm gonna I'm gonna go out on the street with you. And I'm going to take I'm going to take the hit by that truck driving by on Ventura Boulevard. I was going to say I can't imagine that whether it was passive aggressive or just outright aggressive that you didn't pay happily or handsomely I mean for that comment in ways. Well I apologize and I'm going to reflect on that. Now Danny did say that and I guess we can dig him for that but I'm going to dig him because he's an extremely uninterested

human being because while he was getting that insanely aggressive massage, of course he makes a joke about getting a hand job because he's there's guys that are basic bitches. He's a basic bitch. I was going to ask you guys like I understand like guys only think about one thing don't ever get in their cars like I okay sure I hear you. I hate that. Don't your you are not act you I

maybe it's just because I hate him because he's drunk. That was so that made me roll my eyes out of my head down the street. This is Danny is someone that would have Dylan want to jump off a building if he was next to him. Because Danny hates dumb and Dylan hates uninteresting dumb people. And Danny is that for Dylan. And Nia is so fucking beautiful. It's insane. I think she's smarter than him too, a lot smarter.

I think she's too smart for him and too good looking for him, but he does something. Love, man. I don't know. All right, so I think we bounce back to Janet and Jason's house. Janet's upset because her friendship with Jasmine is falling apart. Meanwhile, Jason takes a call from Jax, and Jax reflects on his past and horrible behavior, and he's learned a lot in therapy.

And after he got back from Disneyland today and rented a boat, he came back and he now feels more accountable than ever. What kind of rehab is this? We, I, Patrick, we like the girls, we need the girls that suck the toe from summer house and we need a nurse from this rehab that is disenfranchised to come on this podcast, please. We will go fund, we will start a GoFundMe. You, we will give you all of the funds. This place is, This place is, it's like an event right thing that he just signed up for adult activities at like a camp or something for a week and they give you your phone but you don't have service the entire time so it's only when you like go into towny music as he's like they they do the montage of like his light not light verbal abuse for 10 seasons or whatever it's been. And then he says, and it's it was also still by the way, all her fault. She should have like done this a long time ago. So I could have done this. I love when he returns to rehab though.

They're like, Hey, Jax, where you been? Oh, well, I definitely wasn't back at my shared residence with my family stealing jewelry. Oh, great. Okay, well, let therapies in an hour, pal. How'd the lease go? Let me ask you this. If he didn't actually go to rehab, and this is just a manufactured reality thing, a reality TV thing, and you found that out, would you be surprised?

Not at all. Okay. But what I would say is that I think it is unbelievably disturbing that if Brittany knew that, that she would remove her child from their home. I think that they would do that to everybody. I don't know that I would hope that people's children and the stability of that, especially given that circumstance would outweigh the, but I don't know, maybe it's a need for a job. I really don't. I wouldn't be surprised when they got back. Well, Jason is like,

listen, pal, good job. Thanks for taking accountability, even though you really didn't. You should pay the mortgage if you like actually care and like are mean these things. And Jack's is like, yes, Jason, thank you very much for bringing that up. And then he pulls the cue card up behind the screen and he reads, my podcast with Brittany is very successful. It makes $1 million in one year. And I have said to Brittany, you know, all of that is your and then you're like Okay, and we know that he did not give her that money. He has not signed that over to her still to this day He hasn't given her that so he's a pathological liar probably still on cocaine and I hate him

He's great though Yeah, great. He's great to hate, you know His other podcast now that he's moved on, which is called In the Mind of Jax Taylor. Oh, he's got a new one. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And so this is who he's had on.

He has had on Michael Rapaport, who I think we should get on to. He's had on Jason Tardik. That's the guy who our favorite Bachelorette dumped about two months ago. Bristow. That's right. Then he had Dr. Drew on. Dr. Drew, like a campfire with a recorder, he'll show up to it. Am I right?

Tom Schwartz. And even despite that, he has 216 ratings despite doing this for two and a half months. I'm going to say that no one is listening to that podcast because you have to believe. Go ahead. Well, I was going to say, well, what about reality? So I can say when reality hits is going to give the same type of wow factor, which is it's no wow factor. I don't know. maybe they were making a million dollars a year somehow and we need to do whatever they were doing because that's insane. And I don't

think that that's possible. But if it was cheers to them, when they then go to Britney's house with her mom and she's like, I can move back in with with Cruz now that he's even though I'm paying $44,000 a month for all these fucking Airbnb. Like I can't even imagine how much she's paying. Patrick and Caitlin. And then she calls Aunt Ginny. We call Aunt Ginny and then Ginny gets on the phone. And I do feel bad for Jax's sister. Cause like, this is just a loved one who is very sick.

I'm shocked she got on the phone. I'm shocked also, but I think that she is partially maybe talking to Jackson saying, listen, I'm not going to fucking help you and hide this anymore. This is done. This is dangerous now. And you, you throw a table at your wife with your kid in the house. I hopefully maybe who knows. Okay.

We have the producer then walk into the fucking room and say that Jacks can hear what they are saying. Yeah. And in Britain, what are you talking about? He must have like secret microphones under things. She's an old and old black woman. Yeah. Brady, you put a memo sticker over the camera lens. Those things still have sound. But but Pat, she said that unless he put something in there, they are not set to record audio, which is a thing.

Ours are not. Ours don't record audio. They just have visual shit, unless you set up a separate camp one or something. I'll say we have three different type of cameras, security cameras, baby cameras, bedroom cameras, living room cameras, three different brands, they all have sound. I don't know a camera that doesn't come with sound unless you went to got a deal for $39.99

at Costco or something. But who knows? Do you think that they didn't get a deal for $39.99? No, no, no, no, no. That's completely, completely possible. Okay. Well, he's apparently has listening devices then in the house And Jenny calls back to say Jax might have a heart attack and it's definitely not because he's on coke

No, and then Britt gets a text that tells her the house is in foreclosure and she'll need to pay Or they're gonna be kicked out of that house Right. So just a Tuesday here in the Valley. Oh, okay. I think that's it. What do we got? Is that it? That was it, Pat.

All right, thanks for joining us. Dylan, look, it's a different type of show with Ruby and I. I love it. I think it's fun, it's different. But, Dill will be back. If you hate listening to old patty helm the ship here Dill will be back in a week or so and you'll get your you your lovable Dylan back

Oh, hey, if you do hate it, you know Kick rocks like the guy with the bad review for the drunk because he is a drunk and go drink with that guy Exactly. So, um also support our sponsors story worth first leave help us out That's how we make money and keep this podcast going. I'm Pat saying goodbye for bad TV. Kailin. Goodbye. Pat, you have to say- Oh, Ruby. Goodbye. Bye-bye. The heat is on, on the street, inside your head, on every beat.