Kill James Bond! - What Milly Elicits | Below Deck S10 E9

Episode Date: January 26, 2023

Pat and Dylan are back to break down another brand spanking new episode of Bravo's Below Deck. We talk TRUFF hot sauce, aliens, Milly Illicit, heartbreak, holes, horrors, spice, TRUFF hot sauce, hiring creatives, mean little bitchy Bond Villains, wind and even more from Bravo's Below Deck. OUR NEW SHOW BAD TV IS LIVE AND WE'RE COVERING LOVE AFTER LOCKUP! - Subscribe right here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-t-v/id1193077828The full season of Below Deck Down Under recaps is ALREADY available only on our Patreon at https://Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkAlso available is our coverage of Below Deck Sailing and Love is Blind seasons 1 and 2 for both shows!Check out our merch!https://anothermerchstore.com

Well, Dylan, before she says that, she says, oh my God, no. I was like, what an absurd reaction to the hammer coming down. Sandy didn't tell you, Camille, aliens have taken over the planet and they plan on eating all our brains. Because that would justify a, oh my God, no. Well, I actually don't think that information would justify that. Because what you're doing is like a little kind of sarcastic cartoonish, oh no, and the hypothetical that you just laid out is honestly

something that the world has never endured before in its entire 4,000-year history. So it's pretty crazy, actually, if aliens were coming down and drinking our brains out. Right, right, right. Oh, no. Welcome aboard! Another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck Podcast.

My name's Dylan. I'm saddled up next to one Pat Hickey. Permission to come aboard, Del. Granted. Is everything alright? Uh, no. Well. We gotta talk about public service announcements, I'm afraid, right out of the gate.

Okay. We got another one of these reviews that said that, oh, we're Klansmen. Oh, no. Yeah. It's going to be a little weird living in my house. I don't even know where I put the, you know, the white thing. Yeah. And then my kid might find it.

Yeah. And I'm Jewish, so I hate myself. I mean, imagine you're walking in there, right? And you're like, oh, my black wife is uncomfortable. Imagine walking around with yourself. Right. But that's not racial. Anyways.

We need you guys to get into the reviews, okay? To combat the insanity of people who are actually leaving reviews on our bad TV feed, go listen to bad TV. A lot of great stuff this week. We spoke to Reality Steve. The Bachelor is coming back. Go to Patreon and listen to that. Lots of fun stuff.

Well, hold on. Bad TV, just before we get into someone who said something really stupid about us in the review section. Bad TV, rock of love. We have an episode recap where we talk to one of the contestants, 15 years, and we catch up with her names christia bonita she's a lovely person fun episode then stay click on our love stay right there for love after lockup recap and then stick around for an hour and a half episode of bachelor with guest

host reality steve and then kate casey it is a feed filled with entertainment. It's going to be fun. We also did Love After Lockup with the lovely ladies over at Escape to Reality. But while the feed does have a lot of really amazing stuff, it also does have this one blemish, which unfortunately for us is rather permanent until you guys go into the reviews. You've got to counter fight it. Let's do a couple of their bullet deck reviews.

A host of racial bias shown glaringly bright there are kinds of guys who would wonder aloud to one another between giggles why we can't say the n-word oh um so that is funny uh that hypothetical of us uh giggling together you know pat it's just i don't understand why we can't say it why can't we say that it's just, I don't understand why we can't say it. Why can't we say that? Why can't we say that? It's just a word. Yeah. Wow. Okay.

That's what the reviewer left about us. So anyways, this is over this whole Camille and Alyssa thing, I would imagine. I think that, you know, listen, it's just a public service announcement. Go to the reviews. We need your help. We can't hit Steve Jobs up and say, hey, we need you to remove this review because steve jobs he's not going to do anything about it okay he's too powerful and he's too busy yeah he ain't gonna do it dylan will get that cta a couple times guys let's let us hit 1500 reviews let them be all five stars i don't care if you don't even write

anything just click five stars that's what we want counterbalance maniacs like this they call dylan and i racist by the way you know what fuck you the entire time you know what heat i've caught for defending uh alissa during this whole season we even had her on right to give her side of the story all right shut up fucking idiot. Thank you. So let's get into the show. What a show we had this evening. I mean, my God, what an episode. I love the episode. How many pots do you give it? All right, well, I'm going to get my thoughts in pots, dude.

All right, this episode. I mean, we can't do this every time. You need not protest. The request for pots. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Baked with Henny is a request for your thoughts. All right, first off, I've never seen a self-inflicted walk of shame like I did on this vessel with Camille.

Guess the department heads had a problem with me. Yeah, we did. That was amazing. You know, one time in college, I made the mistake. I was complaining about my roommate and I did it with this new guy I met. I was at his house. He was married. He had like a house or no, it was actually a trailer. I'm sitting in there drinking his beer and I'm

bitching and complaining about my roommate and the guy, he's probably like 35. I'm 18. He goes, uh, Hey, drink your beer. I don't need to hear you complaining about your bullshit. Cause you can just take that outside. Now I just knew this guy. I was going to call him a friend. I thought that was fairly rude, but his point still was taken. Hey, I'm enjoying a beer at my table and I don't need all your bitch. And so get the fuck out of here. You're applying that little tail.

That sad said tail that took place in that trailer. Yeah. To Camille. Exactly. It's exactly like that. She's going around looking for someone to, you know, be on her side and console her.

Instead. She's met with with uh uh go fuck yourself yeah you are lazy and get out of here yeah i love that i also love there's nothing better uh than uh an english accent i love an english accent i knew you were gonna have extremely pithy yeah yeah well that's um i'm sorry well that's not going to be very thoughtful of you if you're not going to move your boat. Will it be, ma'am? Interesting. Okay.

Didn't expect that call to come up. I guess we'll both ram our boats together and kill all the passengers aboard if they want to have it your way. How about we just run into each other and turn into a massive ball of flame the middle of this body of water how about we do that i slept in australia and i'm good at british but i'd slept in australia i'm so embarrassed go ahead it was wonderful what a fun episode i love how uh sandy boy she doesn't she deals with everybody with like very uh soft hands

oh yeah and a soft touch not with fraser right right right i think she in the teaser i think she told him his face smelled like a dead fish or something like that was pretty crazy actually well uh it's just this season she got up really close to it she smelled it too yeah it smells like a fucking dead fish yeah yeah she's like did you eat a 7-eleven tuna fish sandwich or something you smell anyway yeah i loved this episode yeah i'm gonna give it a 70 knots okay great that's very very high for you of late piggybacking off of captain sandy handling things with a certain gentleness the all-star performance of this evening maybe of the season

goes to one captain most improved. At every single turn, this woman is the kind of woman I want leading me into battle. She is my Viola Davis. She is my Joan of Arc. I would go to the ends of the earth for this woman. And to think just a few short years ago, I wouldn't have gone anywhere because she's just in the kitchen

shooting the shit with people. She handles the Camille thing brilliantly. She's tough on Frazier when she needs to be. She's tough on Rachel when she needs to be. She dismantles that sassy bitch that comes over the walkie with complete grace and calm. She is most approved.

It was just a great episode. I heard jumping off that dinner table chair and running into the kitchen. I thought that the food was too hot, Patrick. The food was too hot and it was taking too long. Sandy texts next time. Let's get into it. Last we left off,

Camille was in the midst of a shit canning. 8.30 in the morning. quite early for a shit canning it's too that's too early it's too early to be fired i agree sandy tells her that she has listened to the department heads that is a piece of information that camille will holster for later but my god poor camille she says captain sandy me being fired is the last thing that I want to have happen. Well, Dylan, before she says that, she says, oh my God, no. I was like, what an absurd reaction to the hammer coming down. Sandy didn't tell you, Camille, aliens have taken over the planet

and they plan on eating all our brains? Because that would justify a, oh my God, no. Well, I actually don't think that that would justify a oh my god no well that i actually don't think that information would justify that because what you're doing is like a little kind of sarcastic cartoonish oh no and the hypothetical that you just laid out is honestly something that the world has never endured before in its entire 4,000 year history. So it's pretty crazy. Actually, if aliens were coming down and drinking our brains out. All right.

Right. Right. Right. Oh, no. Do you see that energy weapon that just went off over there in that tidal wave? That's aliens. They're coming to eat our brains. Oh, no.

Oh, what the fuck is wrong? The point I was trying to make it is it shouldn't have been, oh, my God. No, it should have been like, yeah, I kind of saw that coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You idiot. Totally. Well, she takes, she learned such a great lesson from this entire thing. She's like, now that I'm leaving this boat, I've learned.

Fuck you. That was like, that is learned. Fuck you. That was. Camille, that is not. You failed the test. You failed the test, Camille. Yeah. Yeah. Her reaction is, as you point out, she says, this is the last thing I want.

Yeah, we know it's the last thing you want. You insane person. I really, I could not care less for what you're doing right now. But anyways, we move on. Captain Sandy says that she wants unison on the boat, and she has given Camille chances eight days ago, chances seven days ago, and five days ago. Regardless of the myriad performance reviews,

Camille feels as though this is debaucherous. Now, sure, she's thrown loose glass in plastic bags and stayed behind on the clock to hook up with Ben and drank on the job. But this is debaucherous. She's pissed. She's done everything that she can do. And now that she's done everything,

she is in scorched earth mode, which is what happens when someone is confronted with inadequacies that they feel deeply, but they've not unearthed them to deal with them. You know what I mean? Like Sandy's calling out the things that Camille hates about herself, but Camille has not rectified any of those. Another analogy, if you don't mind, Dylan.

My brother one time, he- Dwayne? No, Mark. He was really the mean one. He was the more physical one. One time he- Hey, don't get too sad now. Well, no, no, Mark. He was really the mean one. He was the more physical one. Don't get too sad now. No, it's okay. You said physical, so it's already getting there.

He was slapping me and I guess he sprained his wrist and he goes, you just hurt my wrist, you dickless little prick. He was blaming me, but he was hitting me. Oh, it's interesting though. You are a dickless little... You are a phallus, but you have hitting me. Oh, it's interesting, though. You are a dickless little. You are a phallus, but you have no dick.

Yeah. I would argue. Hey, Mark. That's why I have a very, very, very beloved podcast, and he's freezing his balls off in Massachusetts right now. Hey, Mark, go fuck yourself. Hope your wrist's okay. Love you, Mark. So first, Camille goes to sass, Rachel.

Now, we all know that this is not going to work. You want to talk about demons, Camille says. Rachel is currently being screamed at by inmate apparitions. You know, like you giving her sass is not moving the needle for Rachel at all. Okay. Rachel says, on to the next department in in a guillotine kind of shutting down after she lists all of her incompetencies now dylan you've joked that she lives on shutter island uh but somehow she is completely she's very clear-minded here by telling this little insane person to buzz off

yeah when you have uh i think it's called tinnitus you have a ringing in your ear it's like a permanent kind of i know what it is losing frequency well the audience might oh okay no when you see the horrors that rachel sees at every single dinner service and they can pop up really at any time of the day it starts to become home right it starts to become background noise sure but it does toughen you up because i mean good god what that woman is looking at what she's trying to make bok choy i mean it's got to be fucking crazy his face is in it yeah so um anyways camille then moves on to frazier who tells her that he did not want this to happen her response is i don't know if i believe that and then says i'm gonna go talk to people who actually like me

aka people who are no longer subjected to my lack of work ethic and competency yeah well yeah i want to i want to say this uh wish Frazier, because he's pretty quick-witted. You know, he's like us. When she said, I got fired, he should have just said, I know. Yeah. I'm the one who told her to do it. Wouldn't it be funny if he, like, he was like, she's like, she's like, I got fired. And then he, like, kind of reaches around her back.

And then he, like, pulls out, like, a fake knife. And he's like, it's a knife. And she's like what he's like it's a knife i just said i stabbed you in the back it was me i got you fired instead he has a very thoughtful i think he's trying to attempt to have a thoughtful conversation with her um he says uh i don't think your heart's into it. Yeah. And this is me. This is Pat. I don't think her heart is into it, but it's into this. Right, right, right. That's the music cue.

Oh, this is the, okay. So, all right. Okay, so here we go. So, okay. Her passion is not fucking cleaning toilets. Her passion is this. Is this. what's her stage name Millie Elicit well

look at me giving free promotion I'm a racist well Millie Elicit is a white woman no I know but I'm promoting her

oh god I'm supposed to be mean to her you know uh okay this is another jesus this is filled with personal uh stories and anecdotes do you know the name of the person that dropped that um that video in our facebook group no all right here i go i'm gonna find it all right while you're doing that let me so as the audience knows let's not lose sight of the issue at hand. No, absolutely not. Okay. I want the issue being that, you know, we have to give our fans credit a hundred percent. All right. While you look for that, I was once an aspiring musician. I ended up being complete

failure and I actually, uh, I made a minus $37,000 as a career as a musician. My work ethic when I was pursuing music sucked when I worked at that at that insurance company, this has been covered quite substantially on the podcast. I was in a cubicle that I turned into a record company and I did a total of 37 minutes of actual work for that company on a daily basis. Never hire aspiring musicians, podcasters, or actors. We suck at our job. We have no passion for it. You are just a place where a paycheck until we get onto what we're really passionate about. And that's what's happening with Camille here. And I also think a really bad misstep on Camille. Come on the show. Of course, we know why you're here. You want to promote your music. You are in fact, very talented. Don't make a dick

out of yourself on the show because it will taint you being a famous musician. I don't think you come out of this. I got to say, the music is, I mean, it's the kind of thing I want to jam to. It's kind of like a bad scissor. It's got kind of like new R&B kind of vibes. I'm rooting for Millie Illicit featuring Lil Coop at Need U. Currently it is

sitting at a thousand views on YouTube. It was posted three years ago. Camille doesn't have any music out. So thank you Elle for posting that video. Well done. Thanks. Thank you very much. Alright so we move on to Camille

telling Ben the heartbreaking news that it is, in fact, her last day. And he asks, what happened? She says, I got fired. I mean, Romeo and Jules kind of shit with this dialogue. Oh, yes. Really, really powerful stuff. Well, you know, I'm not sure what Ross is.

What happened? I got fired. What do you mean, what happened? It's my last day. What happened? Now, Cam, she confronts the deck,

him, here, and she attempts to implicate Ross as the department head that also got her, contributed to her getting shit canned. And Camille's like,

hey, you got something to say? And I believe he says, piss off and i heard that's a european for i'm not dealing with you right now yeah i i don't i'm sorry i i don't if it's the personal fun, work is... He just saunters off. Now, the thing is, Ross is Caligula, right? He is a sex addict. He has an insatiable thirst. I mean, this man, knowing the kind of waste that he has to lay every year, or he will have a psychotic break. think that that when you have that level of

addiction sobriety is not an option right you'll you'll get the sweats you'll get fevers you'll commit crimes your legs will shake at three in the morning shake at three in the morning so i'm shocked that ross can work on a boat where he only has a certain amount of opportunity for this long when he gets off he must be like captain glenn short of pulling out the blade but camille the reason why he is so detached from her is because she's no longer an opportunity for him. Now, she was Ben's, but as we could see, that meant nothing to Ross. Ross is in a Stanley Kubrick movie. He is an evil sex addict.

So when she's leaving the boat, he really has no use for her. I mean, what is a hole worth to somebody? Now she's not even a hole she's got nothing nothing she might be some liability with an h hr or an attorney later on because we got the footage of him basically pushing his face yeah which she you know it wouldn't falter um frazier is busted up about this though he is uh you know single tears rolling down red red cheeks and i've got to say fragej, you've got to toughen up, kid. I mean, I know that you're green at this,

but you're going to have to shit can many sea rats in your days. Or maybe this is not the life for you. Because what you need to do is transform into a heartless, cold killer. I don't want to say Kate. Chastain is cold, but I don't think K. Chastain would have any qualms with getting rid of Camille. Not for a minute. I mean, Camille would be an afterthought

the second she hit the dock. So, good luck. I'm glad you have a heart, but, Frej, let's toughen up, kid, all right? Yeah, yeah. Base hitting now, babe. So, meanwhile. Meanwhile.

Ben is the most devastated out of all of them. Where is he going to put his penis? Oh, is that crass? Well, yes, but also the next stew. Right. I think I saw that in the trailer. The very next one. So, Ben is devastated,

and Katie is told to help Camille get packing. Camille puts her fur on and she goes about her merry way we bid camille a jew now dylan i do want to back up for one moment here the idea that you get shit canned on one of these boats and uh and it's like now the clock starts ticking like they think you might go post or something yeah i thought it was kind of funny like you get fired and like i forget what that movie's called maybe it's like squid games or something like you're just over there like you have 12 minutes to leave the boat or every other worker will be armed to kill you right and then you that will speed you up that'll put a little

jump in your step yeah she had to call katie you know yeah katie get get her shit out of here or frazier could we're gonna kill her frazier could come down and he could be like, hey, I got something behind my back. And she's like, oh, it's the knife, you know, that you pulled out. And he pulls out like a real one. And then he's like. One minute left. Wow. Yeah.

Well, you know who'd really get off on that if that happened? Ross. No. Chef Rachel. Oh, that's right. She'd get like one of those things that you smash melons at the county fair you know you could take out someone's entire head she'd be like camille i never liked you uh what what's a gallagher yeah yeah yeah yeah she'd have one of those i'm uncomfortable with this

conversation oh sure okay so let's move on to um alissa who um you know, we're just going to turn into those two guys who chuckle about how we can't use the N-word now, I guess. Damn it. Alyssa gets her moment to relish in Camille's departure, and it is disgusting. Now, we have a human moment from Alyssa coming up later on where she does kind of realize that she's been kind of triggered and trapped into being this kind of person that she doesn't want to be. But given that she has been that person,

this was a cherry on top of what I hope is a chapter ending for Alyssa because she's just been absolutely awful. Now, she will go after Ross, despite Katie having very serious interest in him. But, you know, who knows? Maybe we'll find out at the end of the season that Alyssa really is a shitty C- who knows who knows any thoughts uh let's see here uh are we gonna cut to uh can i jump to a couple things frazier uh tries to regroup the team

together yeah and uh make sure everybody's on the same page he's pretty confident that uh now that the bad apple is uh off the fucking boat that service is gonna excel right boy is he fucking wrong yeah yeah yeah and then we do a meanwhile where uh sandy uh face you know i gotta stop talking uh about shit about captain lee if i want these numbers to grow yeah andy on watch what happens did a poll Who's your favorite captain? You know who ran away with it? Lee! You've heard try it free for 30 days, right?

Yeah, I've heard of that offer. It's a common pitch, right? Yeah. You know what 30 days is? It's a pretty long period of time. No, it's just enough time to pass for you to completely forget that you're not meditating anymore. And that thing just charged you $79.99

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because Rocket Money just is better at doing it than we are. So stop throwing your money away, cancel unwanted subscriptions, and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash below deck. That's rocketmoney.com slash below deck that's rocket money.com slash below deck rocket money.com slash below deck hey hey who's hungry uh me well luckily you and our audience are in luck

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what do i know anyway oh god she yes you know these there are certain polls when you poll uh ugly americans about their interests their likes hobbies and whatnots that just remind you that we are living in a wholly undereducated uh country i mean a country filled and populated with really really dumb people with no taste, no sense of right, no sense of wrong, and no sense of which captain is the best captain on below deck because it's certainly not Lee who calls Sandy

or Sandy calls him because she's got to give him an update on who has been terminated. And Lee says, the call's not going to work for me. I miss the lenses. Get on facetime kid oh yes yeah you got that facetime yeah remember me yeah we'll get him back uh what second to last episode you got it yep so um tony bids camila ju just a quick thing he says take care and keep the up up the journey the guy is just i mean he's such a sweetheart and he also says i'm kind of happy

because i can now sleep without two people hammering away at one another five feet above me. Five feet, he wishes. Yeah, more like 15 inches. So Sandy debriefs Lee and says, hey, when are you coming back here? Hey. So Ben is in disarray, and the sex addict Ross is not sympathetic at all. He doesn't understand catching feelings for a girl. Luckily for Ben, he's got Tony, who is just a magnificent man he

comes over he confides in him and um you know ross once again just kind of slides over and he's like i understand um that you're mushy gushy or whatever but we do need to get the satchels on the chair. Whatever the fuck they do. Yeah. He was kind of pissing me off. I was like, Ross, will you just let the guy have a cry? I mean,

my gosh. Yeah, he's got to get his pole shellacked anymore. You know what I mean? Patrick, it's much deeper than that. Oh, right.

Star-crossed lovers. We've got Ben and we've got Millie Elyssa. You know what I mean? Well, I guess you can't be with the one you love love the one you're with and i guess that will be according to you the next uh the next hire next hire so um we move on to perhaps another feud ben versus elissa this is like mel gibson chasing isaac thomas for i think that's his name, Thomas Isaacs, whatever his name is, the general for slaughtering his son and then slaughtering his other son. Ben knows that she is the one that has caused him this much heartache.

And let's see if he writes this wrong. By ignoring her. Yeah, by just saying. Here. Yeah. Bye. Just saying. Here, take these water bottles. Yeah, provisions came. Man. Oof.

Really, really saucy stuff. So Ross continues to berate Ben for not being a crude and serpentine sex addict. And then the guests arrive. Elderflower and Lemon for the preggers and booze for everyone else. Alyssa calls her mother who raised a toxic human being and things then hum along. Everyone's rather pleased that Camille is no longer there.

And we have some lunch with the sea rats. Now, before we get to Alyssa's very human moment, we have very odd product placement with the condiment company trough what the fuck was up with the product shot of trough now everyone who knows anything about the culinary world knows that truffle oil is a crude petroleum product masquerading as one of the rare fungi on planet Earth. The rare. But I got to say, I have a soft spot for truff. I mean, that hot sauce, it's got so much sugar in it.

It has this sweet spice to it. It's absolutely magnificent. Now, I won't go out of my way, but if someone gives me a bottle of truff, I'll put it on everything. It's like Heinz 57, but better. But still very strange that it was just, had its own moment on Below Deck. Wow. Bravo.

Now we get to Alyssa's very human moment here. Now I hesitate to shit on Alyssa because I don't want to be branded someone with a hood in the closet. But I mean, this is not going to turn around. She's not going to make any changes. She's going to be a sassy, kind of quiet-voiced monster to, I think, the remainder of the sea rats for the remainder of the season.

I think that's the state that Alyssa's in right now, but she's young. I think what she's doing now is very cathartic. When I was watching her kind of work her process through all these events, it was like saving Private Ryan in that moment when Matthew, whatever his name is, face- Broderick.

I don't know, it's M. Damon. He realizes all these people died, man, for you to come save you. So you need to, you know, for their their sacrifices yeah you know live a good life yeah with uh alissa with camille she's like she needs to not feel uh guilt anymore but you know because uh camille was sacrificed she needs to live a thriving existence vacuuming boat carpets well i mean it's, it's the life of the Sea Rat. I mean, she's beginning at this level. The episode should have been called

Saving Sea Rat Alyssa. Do you remember that scene in Saving Private Ryan when they finally find him and they're like, Ryan, Private Ryan? And he just takes his Ray-Bans and he just flips them upside down. Yeah.

That's my favorite part. That was a great part. And then they mess up his dad's Ferrari. I think that's what happened. I loved it. Super good film. Like eighties nostalgia kind of film. Oh,

Oh, I believe John Williams did that score. Oh, Oh, I mean, it's a, Oh, Oh,

it's a great score. And if you're from that time, you probably love that movie. And listen, the movie's good. It's good, right? I haven't seen it in a while. What's it called again? I forgot. Save Private Ryan.

Save Private Ryan. Stay off. So, Haley is allergic to work. So, Haley is allergic to work. She is being worn down by the life of a sea rat because she usually does two Botox appointments every other day. Now, I know that Haley may be allergic to work, but another thing that she's allergic to is money. My God.

Hales, we love you. You're a sea witch, but I i mean she's an awesome character i love hayley but two botox appointments every other day i mean you got to get more business here's my only tweak with her character yeah really funny and we do need kind of the comic relief or the muppets the guys up in the you know the balcony up there yeah those guys next time come single please okay yeah on that please i'd love you being funny and then also going out on uh on your nights out and uh because getting wasted yeah it's like not cool like it's just like you and frazier like smacking each other's butts and stuff but he's gay so like it's not like i don't know just be like really cool if hayley was single yeah you

know do something about that bravo what do you want them to do about it? I don't know. Do you want them to kill her boyfriend? I didn't want it on. So we get ready for a multiple course tasting dinner. We've got another around the world carousel. We've talked about it before. It's just a tornado of randomness.

Chile, Japan, Idaho, Italy. And before you know it, we've gone around the world. There's no cohesiveness, just a loose theme to a bunch of random fucking plates. I need a meanwhile. Meanwhile? Alyssa begs Frazier to check on her,

see how she's doing. He does not oblige. Sandy gets a resume from, I think, her younger self. It looked like a blonde woman with a bit of a bowl cut. But speaking of a younger version of her, we sit down to dinner with a little sea captain history.

Now, Sandy, we know, we know, we know she was a booze bag. But what we did not know was that she kind of looked like Tony when she was younger. Handsome young lady, which is crazy because Sandy has this lioness- like beauty to her oh she's pretty yeah i think she's pretty you know i she did remind us of her party curl days which stopped uh you know when she stopped boozing he said life was incredible yeah especially for that time she did that cameo hopped up on xanax well allegedly listen if you have back pain.

Patrick. You're right. If you have back pain, you can break sobriety a little bit. Okay? We're all imperfect creatures. Love you, Sam. Can we call you that? Hey. All right.

So Japan is the first plate. It's miso soup port yourself also if you have a dish towel on you you might want to use that because the fucking thing it's really hot five stars see you later unbelievable one person picks it up and it is like a goddamn volcano well it's it's like a beaker filled with some type of corrosive liquid inside. She drops it immediately. It's so hot to the touch. There's pizza soup everywhere.

My God, Sandy's watch. He's like strike one. So let's talk about, uh, really quickly getting on our knees. I thought this was a fun marital dispute that most marriages go through. Um,

someone said something about about we'll get down to pray and then someone said getting down to pray i think they're alluding to you uh someone getting their dick sucked yeah which those two things it's uh it's uncommon to relate to you know praying and getting your dick sucked yeah it'd be fucked up if someone was like hey you want to go to church like why why do you call it that? I don't want you to call it that. But yeah, I love Imogen. She's a little bit of a firecracker.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. He's like, you don't ever get on your knees. And she's like, you're a disgusting little man, aren't you? She says that to her husband. I love their relationship. I love her. I mean, the name sounds like a company that wants to put chips in our brains.

No, no, no. It sounds like a company that wants to put chips in our brains, but... No, no, no. It sounds like a singer who sings like this. I used to love Imogen Heap. When I was in an emotional period of my life, I listened to a lot of Bon Iver and a lot of Imogen Heap. Just sat up in a cold room in New Orleans,

not quite ready to get out there and throw my penis around. I was still heartbroken. I was listening to Imogen E. All right, so Caribbean ceviche is up next. It is inedible. It's too hot. It's too hot for the guests to actually eat.

And Rachel says, you know what? Listen, it's tough for me to cook. That's why I am seeing people's flesh melting off of their skeletons. No, it's an even worse excuse. She says, I'm still in India india mode yeah i'm in the mode we had these these charter guests that wanted this really spicy food and now these people don't want spicy food and it's like rates that was a very specific request that is not something that needs to be carried over to people from a country whose spiciest food is black pudding okay do not give us that um so the uh she says some people's

piss smells like a uh some people's piss smells after asparagus get the fuck over it get the fuck over it you served these people a pocky chip it's not okay turkish stuff dates are up next, followed by a Mexican empanada con queso, a Jamaican coconut shrimp is done, and dinner is not going well. It's very, very quiet. It is two hours long, and we circled the globe with an Italian ravioli, and what country are we ending with for dessert?

Italy, Once again, I mean, the around the world is just nonsense. Now, I don't know why this was such a surprise to these people. Like they're told there's going to be an eight course tasting menu. You're going to be at dinner for a long time. Two hours for eight courses is not that crazy to me. I agree with you, but it ended up being three. Yeah, three hours for eight courses is a little much. It's excessive. And these people are pregnant. Just give them three courses.

There you go. Give them, begin the meal with some type of soup or burrata salad. Then give them filet and lobster. And then give them some type of bonbon. And tell them to go to bed. That's all you have to do. Did you get to the part where Sandy gets up and runs? No, I didn't get there yet.

Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, no, she gets up and runs. No, I didn't get there yet. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, no, she gets up and runs. Pat, take it away. Oh, okay. So, sorry. Sorry. Did a lot of podcasting today. Yeah, I know.

We did a lot. She runs into the galley, and some people are like, hey, Pat, she's got to let them know that Rach is living in Shutter Island right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what this does is it actually kind of um warns the guests that's they alerts them that something's up right which they might have not otherwise they just thought service was slow right so and it's also saying that sandy doesn't trust her departments no you don't think so no no no i I'm saying she doesn't. But, you know, Sandy trusts her department until a certain point when she recognizes that her chef may be seeing nightmarish visions while she's trying to prepare an eight course dinner.

She has to step in and that's the mark of a good leader. And even being aware of something like that off the wall is just a show of how competent a leader she is because she's thinking of all possibilities. Because normally people wouldn't go there, but Sandy does. So dinner is over and we tuck in for a little emergency call from a pithy little piece of shit neighbor. Sandy Vaughn, Captain Sandy Most Improved Vaughn, takes a call from what sounds like a bitchy bond villain and de-molishes him well we'd appreciate it and be a thoughtful move on your part and she

answers simply we're not moving yeah yeah we're moving. You can hang up the phone now. Yeah. Now, this was a very, very confusing call to me. One, the guy was just so rude. So unbelievably rude. That this man would speak to this woman who is captaining a much bigger boat than him and i'll get to that in a second the way that he did and when he is told no to throw the hissy fit the hissy little tiny little hissy fit that this man throws was shocking to me. But the big boat thing confused me. Like, uh,

is there not a hierarchy with the size of the vessel? Now it's what time you parked your goddamn boat. If I come second, you got to go. I know. But honestly, if I was Sandy, I would just say fucking hike your little dinghy up and get the fuck on, Cheech.

Well, the guests are having quite a good time right now. Yeah. Well, people on the Titanic were having a great time. We might kill each other, and I'm not moving. I'm that crazy right now. I hate. I'm nuts. I hate this man so much.

And obviously... Let's see if we can get him as a guest. I'll see if he's got an Instagram. I would love that. I'll look for a hashtag, pithy, angry British guy. Yeah, totally. If anybody out there listening, instagram i would love that i'll look for a hashtag a pithy angry british guy yeah totally if anybody out there listening can track down the type of vessel the name of the vessel and

the man who was captaining the boat that would be great and if not it's not a problem not at all probably forget about doing that yeah no we if you did do that we'd be like oh completely forgot that we asked somebody to do i'm so sorry thank you hey what were we talking about on that uh page uh patreon where you asked hot or not i was looking at what did we say uh leah michelle not hot they thought she wasn't hot okay good enough sorry for the interjection that's okay so um next morning no one's dead next morning no one's dead but we've got to take a quick break for i want to do an important public service announcement here but i feel like we should do it at the top of the show but let's just do it here okay uh next monday is going to be our live

watch down oh nice of below deck so um if you are not a member of the Patreon, the network tier, go to patreon.com slash another podcast network. $20 tier members will be able to get the show or watch the show along with us. We'll pod live with you guys and then interact with y'alls during the commercial break,

stuff like that. It'll be like a fun fan watch along. Also next week, we're dropping our recap of the film Soul Man. So go find it on our streaming service and reacquaint yourself with the film so Dylan and I can break it down.

You know what we're talking about. So lots of fun stuff at patreon.com. So we wake up the next morning. No one is dead. And we get a little Sea-red history finally it is something of value ross the sex addict himself clues us in on the only long-term relationship of his life and by long term we mean 21 days it was with the little lizzie bird herself elizabeth stargazer

stargazer that's rightazer, that's right. Any thoughts on this? None at all. I thought it was interesting. He said it was his longest relationship, four years, and then he sneaks in there a little bit that they were kind of on and off for most of it. I don't think that's a long-term relationship of four years then.

It's kind of a four-year on and off relationship. Those are two completely different things. Well, I mean, relationship can be applied pretty broadly. If you fuck someone once every six months, I mean, you technically have a relationship. If somebody drops off milk every week, but you never really know them or see them, and you just kind of wave and you go,

thanks for the milk, that's a relationship. Oh, that's true. So he's kind of taking liberty with it. He is a sex addict. So we move on to a little Middle Eastern breakfast, one of stewed tomatoes and eggs, that being shakshuka. Now, Rachel is in the midst of preparing the dish. Finally, gets the weight off her chest.

She turns to Cameron and says, oh, come clean. I've been seeing untold horrors when I make dinner, and I am just feeling a little bit underwater right now. Now, first up, or excuse me, Fraser takes the shakshuka, heads up, and mispronounces the name of the dish. Then we go over some of the lowlights of the evening before with the guests.

They were not thrilled about the heat of the one food. They were not thrilled about the heat of the vessel for uh the miso soup um anything oh they also mentioned it was uh too long oh yes it was too long so this is uh i don't know if sandy was hanging out with them listening in but she takes this time oh i gotta talk to rage and she calls rage up to give her the business yeah well first connor the medic gets there oh right right and diagnosis hay. And diagnoses Haley as fine. If I was Haley, I'd be like, listen, you're being a little too like, you know. It's my health, man.

Well, there's nothing worse than like a health professional who's like, you're going to be okay. Too bad, Bill. I understand, but okay, will you lose the snoot a little bit? Okay, half of my foot is numb i've never experienced that before i'm glad you're telling me it's okay but my god it's ridiculous so let's get to rachel and sandy sandy's really sandy here perfect sternness and leadership she did not threaten to eat rachel's ass not one time she did not and she told her you know with a perfect mix of tough and love that she was biting off more than

she could chew and the thing that she was trying to chew no one had any fucking interest in so just chill out chill out no one wants eight course dinners rage well some people do but not these people so frazier heads up on the sun deck and is asked hey did you guys have someone who came in like 25th on american idol here yesterday because you guys seem to be working really hard he says uh humiliated and uh i think that's kind of uh where we end the show they just hint at the picnic as humiliated. And I think that's kind of where we end the show. Yeah, they just hint at the picnic gone awry with another late lunch.

Yeah, another late arrival. And that is it for us. iTunes ratings and reviews combat the insanity. And go to patreon.com slash another podcast network for live watch longs, ad free content, lots of fun stuff there. We love you guys very much.

Oh, join us on Facebook as well. And YouTube. Be patient. We love you. It's coming soon. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat say goodbye.

Later dudes. Thank you.