Kill James Bond! - What To Do If Natasha's Into You | Below Deck Med S7 E13

Episode Date: October 4, 2022

Dylan, Nick and Pat are back to break down wanting to be gay, why you need to see a therapist immediately if Natasha's into you, surf and turf, second courses, Maltese Pop Stars, cultures of excellence and if you can believe it, even more from Bravo's Below Deck Med.OUR NEW SHOW BAD TV IS LIVE! - Subscribe right here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-t-v/id1193077828The full season of Below Deck Down Under recaps is ALREADY available only on our Patreon at https://Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkAlso available is our coverage of Below Deck Sailing and Love is Blind seasons 1 and 2 for both shows!Check out our merch!https://anothermerchstore.com

Okay, well, that's less playful. It's not playful. Oh, okay. Can I get to the crime? Yeah, I want to be gay. Then do it. It's a fucking choice. Just man up and be gay. Hi, hello, and welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck Podcast. My name's Dylan. I'm saddled up next to Pat over there across the couch from me. Permission to come aboard yeah and the reason why i went to you is because nick was zeroed in on the little red dots on the camis three of them because pass isn't oh yikes okay it's a quick it's a quick step yeah no i'll say hi yeah you say hi and then i i got a plug well just i haven't even said hi strategize please we strategize, please? Can we just... So you say hi, and then I'll get up and go ahead. A-H-O-Y-M-A-T-E-Y-S.

Ahoy, mateys. Mateys, mateys, mateys. Welcome back, Dylan. Hey, how are you guys? Do you want to hit any PSAs? Yeah, yep. We have a contest going on with another podcast network. Oh, with the pictures of masturbation on the Facebook and stuff?

Huh? What? We got a contest. We got a t-shirt that is in the lore of our network, which is the official Corey Feldman t-shirt, which was created and worn the night we went to go see him live after I taunted him for months on Twitter. And that shirt is up for grabs. Yeah.

But the way that you get that t-shirt, because there's only one in circulation, you know, is that you buy a product of something that we advertise on this podcast. And then you do a screen grab of your actual purchase. And then I'll write your name down. I'll throw your name in a hopper at the end of this week. And I'll pick one name out. Whatever name I pick gets the Corey official, excuse me,

Corey Feldman t-shirt and we'll mail it to you. Another public service announcement. Bad TV is live search. We should have did this one first. Search bad. Well, it's a toss up. What's more important?

Search bad TV. It's a new show that we've launched covering love is blind currently but we are covering all reality television that is bad TV so go over there subscribe leave five stars kind words love you

very much also join us on Patreon and Nick was paying attention to the little red dots join us on YouTube subscribe click like comment mix it up with the other people. Can we get into the show? Yeah, let's do it. I would love to. Blue ink.

Blue ink still. All right. So before we heated up the mics, Nick said episode sucked. So I feel like it's a good idea to start with the ire oh we're gonna do thoughts and knots you know i'm so i'm so what were you was that trying to kick it to me because i am the ire yeah yeah yeah i'm i was confused because you i understand why you were confused his question that inquiry is it's been a long day it's just crazy mercury retrograde i was confused because you guys both have the ire so you said we're gonna start with the ire right uh i thought it could

be any one of us i did have the ire tonight i feel like uh below deck is this season is truly in a run out the clock situation right i believe uh the reason this charter was so short or at least what we saw of it was was because everything went smoothly. People are getting along, besides not liking each other, but they're working well together. I did like the end, just because there's some fodder there. I have a lot of thoughts on what Storm did to his best buddy, Z. Great move. But I'll get into it later.

A very low 72 knots. Great move. Uh, but I'll get into it later. Uh, uh, a very low 72 knots. Yeah. Very low. Um, I'll go next. I kind of agree with where you're at. In regards to feelings about the season as a whole,

you know, um, we're getting to the part of the show where I'm rolling my eyes at things a little bit, you know, it's the same stuff,'m rolling my eyes at things a little bit. You know, it's the same stuff. Jason and storm Tosh and Dave.

Yeah. You know, it's just like, get over it. See rats. My God, figure this out. I really feel like in order to sustain the tea, the shade and the drama throughout an entire season of Below Deck heads need to roll

more firing we need new people heads need to fucking roll and you can't hire people who aren't entertaining like that chick with a lisp who came on and was just like don't hire those people hire more problems

make it more stressful but heads do need to roll because you just get tired of the same cramped quarter drama. 72 pots, though. He was, of course, talking about Delaney who did not have a lisp. I can't remember the name of the condition, but it was a speech impediment where you can't say R's. Got it. Lovely person. Hey, what about me?

I get to talk, too. No, I was going to throw to you, but I did want to say the silver lining. Two. Destiny. what a talent. I beg to differ. Did a deep Spotify search with the wife last night. She was obsessing on that. Numbers. Oh, you listened to a bunch of it and didn't enjoy it.

Oh, it's hard to find her, you know. All right. Well, because she's a Maltese star. Oh, Spotify wouldn't show her in America? It would, but I'm just saying you can't look at Number Cow. We were talking about her voice. We're getting ahead of ourselves. It was fine.

It was an American Idol audition. I wasn't blown away. She's the Malaysian Lizzo. Little pitchy dog. What? Is she from Malaysia? No, she's Malta. She's the Maltan.

She's the Maltese Lizzo. So anyway, I didn't even need to say that. All right. I'm going to mirror your points. The guests were incredible, too. God damn it. You really threw me for a loop. Hey, by the way, if I knew you could book this fucking boat for 24 hours,

we might be in it. I think we can GoFundMe that from our barnacles to pay for that. Pretty legit tip, but I won't get ahead of myself. Okay, I'm going to focus. I could talk and complain about the episode. I thought it wasn't good. We're running out of gas here. It's time to bring this show around the barn and put two bullets in its head.

But I would like to spend my time of thoughts and knots to speak directly to my TV girlfriend, Natalia. Okay. Natalia. Baby. You're starting to get on my nerves here. Yeah. You're on the edge of a tv uh relationship breakup yeah so uh which we'll talk about the relationship but they're not in they're not anything oh her uh storm nothing they're nothing no no no but she's also not nothing with uh this

podcaster so uh watch out for yourself natalia whoa well i mean if you want a tv relationship with old patty i'm breaking up with her i think is what i'm trying to get sounds like you're threatening her no i'm breaking up with her you sound like natasha's boyfriend yeah the way you're texting her it's like a psycho right now all right zero i have a bit on you two later, you and Natalia. Me too. So we begin with Indiana J, who... You know what? Enough. Enough. He's doing a Dylan.

What's that? If you don't like what I'm doing, then just fucking fire me. Oh, that's so funny. That's actually a direct quote, I believe, from both of you. That's so funny. What? Me? Dylan.

Oh, from him and Jason. I wasn't looking. If you don't like it, just fire me. Oh, from him and Jason. Yeah. I wasn't looking. If you don't like it, just fire me, you know? Yeah, no, I had a note. He walks off from the talk with Storm and says, if I'm so much of a cancer, then fire me. And then a hyphen sounds familiar. Okay.

Okay. So everyone is tired of Sadfish, who gets really nasty tonight, actually in a rat, a cornered rat kind of waste and really unsavory. What are we talking about? Jason. Okay. Some really unsavory, like deceit and smiley faces tonight.

Beginning with the line, I've been trying to censor myself and it's just not working. Do we need to roll the anal tape at dinner the other night or the fuck off how have you been censoring yourself and if you are if you have been what on god's green earth were you gonna say how's everybody my god how's everybody feeling tonight yeah you can bleep it i mean my god anal all right so way to censor yourself pat uh let's move on to yeah i oftentimes we lament how shitty these cliffhangers are this was one of the few times maybe not since ashton got ripped off the boat that i was actually like wow the way these two employees are talking to each other not something you see in the real world i can't wait to see the resolution of how this talk ends when we get back and we cut

back to jason walking off walking off that's it it really fucking pissed me off i think that was the crux of me not liking the episode yeah well that was sour that's why it was a low 72 pots very low uh so let's move on to Tasha and Dave. And this is where... We get some Sea Rat history, Dylan. Well, episode 13, 14 storylines kind of start to taper off a little bit. Like I said, you know...

Run out the clock situation. Run out the clock situation. Case in point, Dave... Case in point, I'm tired of this. I mean, how many times can we see Dave fall into this pit of quicksand? I think he's playing it pretty cool. He says, I do not. He says, hey, let's start a pop-up together.

You do the cocktails, I'll do the food. Dave, you have to stop. She's literally texting her boyfriend in front of you. You've been broken up with, almost fired. You can't be pitching vacation plans with this woman right now. It's just absolute lunacy. Well, maybe it's a different play. Maybe it's now, hey, we can have a little fun together.

I understand you got a boyfriend. He did it to me. You did it to me. Hey, all things are fair. Oh. I mean, you know, he sat right next to me for two hours. I think that's where he was going with that but can we get to sea rat history yeah so sea rat history that we've

kind of already heard natasha is a hurt person who hurts others she hasn't not had a man by her side since she was 15 years old and she's either in her late 20s early 30s or hundreds of years old either way you slice it not good sad sad stuff well i completely agree with you dylan and i'm speaking directly to you tosh um you also mentioned that you're afraid to be alone a tale as old as sea rat time yeah i have some literature for you um it's called sex and love addiction by jay parker great read so he made firecrackers once I taught him. In an effort to never know yourself, you find identity in others, which is what Natasha does when she...

I would imagine if this type of person sits with themselves for too long, you panic and you search for another mana to drain and then cheat on and then drain again. She says that she trusts herself 110% to not go down that road with dave but she really does love being cared for and she says this entire thing with a serial killer smile here's a fucking idea natasha why don't you take care of yourself stop preying on fucking weakness in men and download the fucking Calm app. I mean, I'm rooting for you, honestly.

I'm rooting for you. Dylan's an ally. Unbelievable. You know, when I was in my last unhealthy relationship, I spent a year not dating anybody or having sex with anybody. Well, that's not true. I had sex with a couple people,

but I really wanted to follow the plan. Yeah, right, right, right. Helped out a great deal. Yeah, that's the goal. Not have sex and then fucking someone texts you and you're fucking out. Right. The effort's there, you know.

Yeah, what are you going to do? So let's get to Storm and Sandy. He tells her about Jason and MVP stuff from Sandy again. Storm is telling quite a long winding tale and sandy like speaking to any bad storyteller goes can you get to it and then says kate that's all i need uh thanks i've got very large pieces of paper to look over and you're being a little bit too melodramatic for me right now uh man has she had an improvement this season big time don't talk

about vagaries in front of me when you're so you're trying to fire someone you fucking idiot say what happened okay shut up storm so she calls jason up to the bridge and this is when nasty boy comes out a little bit she says i heard you wanted to leave and he says yeah he kind of billows it a little bit he says well my character was called into question and you know i'm biting my tongue a lot i just don't want anybody to get mad you know his version is bullshit you literally told your boss to fuck off um that's not biting your tongue nor trying to not make someone mad uh sandy says baby we need that rhythm baby and in another mvp moment doesn't really give him even the opportunity to be a team

player she just kind of tells him you're fired but also get to work right yeah i loved it yeah most improved she gets five stars on that board in kindergarten class absolutely she reminds me great job sandy she reminds me of my favorite basketball player of all time is tracy mcgrady in 2000 2001 season he won most improved player when he went and i actually would just think it was an increased role going from the raptors to orlando but all of a sudden he's averaging 30 points a game and really stepping in his role as an nba superstar and i gotta say it's what it's kind of what sandy's done yeah i'm just so impressed sandy is tracy mcgrady god it is a bad cop because I don't think she's ultimately a superstar.

I should have picked someone else who won the most improved player award. I have the wiki up. I'll find one for you. That's okay. Old Patty's ready to take a couple of those stars off that sticker board in kindergarten class for Sandy later in the episode, which spends a little too much time at the dinner situation. This is a way better cop for the most improved player. Uh, that Sandy is.

Okay. Uh, George Mirison. All right. Who started my giant with Billy Crystal. He won in 1995 to 1996 and he wasn't good, but any improvement makes you the most improved, especially when you're seven,

nine. Yeah. I was going to suggest that, but I didn't want to, I don't know, make you feel bad about Tracy McGrady, the comp, you know, but anyway, so, um, Indianaay fucks off and we get to a very very important meeting that meeting is the preference and i really wanted to do a deeper dive on some of these people but their social media is scant

i feel like my preference sheet meetings have been very surface level but uh here we go again maisha yeah is an it manager with an adventurous side a need for speed and can't wait to play with all the water toys oh yeah she is thrilled to be vacationing with all her successful girlfriends and looks forward to relaxing throwing her hair up which to me is somewhat ironic don't when you relax you let your hair down celebrating the successes of womanhood and wants to relish in femininity. Who writes these preference sheets? There's so much syntax errors.

Yeah. Joining Myesha on charter. Was that a syntax error? I don't even know what the word means. Yes. Okay. Joining Myesha on charter are her close friends, Deidre. And this I cleaned up.

It was all bad no of course they were doing like a series and then they're putting periods it fucking pissed me off yeah yeah deidra a project coordinator for i'm not gonna fucking actually hide them anymore i'm gonna read it as it says this one isn't it i'm i'm enough protecting you deidra a project coordinator for a big hotel i'm like Sal from Love is Blind after the altar. We're covering that on Bad TV. A project coordinator for a big hotel chain who loves the taste of bourbon, and some of her requests are fresh flowers and plenty of crisp white towels.

Hell yeah. And those are the only two things. She said some. A couple of. Right. Jesus. Whitley, the owner of a healing and fitness bar, a company that helps women tap into feminine sexuality

through fitness and yoga with cannabis. Right. Wow. Her friend Elizabeth, who owns a dog fashion line and is on a mission to dress every cute pooch in America. Good luck with that. That's too many dogs. That's way too many dogs. And people are just going to outright refuse that.

Like a lot of people don't want to dress their dogs up. Some dogs are okay with it but many dogs if you clothe them they are uncomfortable and they feel they're not supposed to be clothed stacy who works as a caterer that specializes in specialty cbd butters for food i bet it's actually thc yeah ronisha a therapist in the miss Mississippi area who can't wait to get out and enjoy the open waters. And Ebony, who used to be on Real Housewives of New York. I'm just kidding. A mother and business owner who needs a vacation more than anyone, which shows her narcissistic traits if she wrote that about herself. OK, they would like a beach picnic and plan to be three sheets to the wind by the end of this charter.

This was interesting, actually. And that's relative. Three sheets to the wind by the end of this charter. This was interesting, actually. Oh, yeah. And that's relative. They have requested a local artist come on board and perform. Though we know that part. Oh, the beach picnic.

That was the interesting part. We never saw the beach. It never happened. Yeah. They just did water toys and lunch. That was the lunch part. Or TFC. They're like, oh, man, nothing happened. Everybody had a good time.

Let's not show it. Yeah, that's probably it. No, Bravo shows us everything that they filmed. That's actually probably it. So they wanted a pop star to come on board for Malta. Luckily, the yacht owner has connections to Destiny. Hell, yeah. A Maltese pop star.

Wow. Down. So, Natasha.asha no excuse me natalia tells storm to come into her office to talk about how they're doing this is why i say they're nothing like they're not even close to a relationship um because of oh no no this is something later on but he says it's not the first time he's been told to slow down. Storm. Yeah. But the good news is his duty to the boat is Spartan-like and will distract him from his love for Natalia, who is repulsed by him and his emotions. Makes sense. She's got the ick.

So let's meet the charter guests. He's like, I'm Spartan-like. I'm not going to have sex with Natalia anymore. My choice. My oh my. I'm aartan like i'm not gonna have sex with an italian anymore my my choice my oh my i'm a spartan warrior uh they are so fun i wish they were on for more time um but they packed a punch um these uh these women they're served champagne not smurf com great first start uh tosh kicks thing uh things off with a fun dance and then kyle comes in for a fun little moment uh wherein he comments about japanese bidets blowing his ass dry say less babe so the wife i took umbridge with that comment she's like you know he's he's putting on a he's getting away a

little too much with the the gay uh stuff now i did not have the same gripe with the comment but i did have a gripe with the comment it's fun oh it's fun but imagine uh it doesn't go uh on both sides of the street like i can't be kyle and be straight and go hey ladies how about this uh how about a bunch of cum everywhere what i don't know just be saying some crazy stuff about sex yeah i, I know. Listen, different people get away with different things. I get away with nothing. But I just, Dylan, I'm sorry I couldn't help you out with that. But you know how I've been AB testing my performance on weed? I just did it again.

Results, again, the same. I'm worse, and I forget things almost immediately. Yeah. But we're going to try again next week. Yeah, I know. There's always greener pastures and there is a tomorrow all right i'm straight let's redo hey everybody i'm straight kyle hey everybody uh the japanese buddha hey everybody likes their ass eating every once in a while right you know

it's a little bit of a false equivalency but let me get to my gripe here you should just say the exact same thing kyle does as a straight person and it would it would not work that's the point right yeah that's your point right you keep saying worse stuff yeah why i don't i get away with it that's why why don't i get away with it yeah yeah um i want to say that stuff yeah you just walk up to girl be like oh my god you're such a slut like that's an example of something kyle would do yeah you're such a whore. Okay. That's less playful. It's not playful.

Slut's playful. Oh, okay. Can I get to the crime? Yeah, I want to be gay. Then do it. It's a fucking choice. Just man up and be gay. Okay. So the reason why I balked at this a little bit is because if I was chartering this vessel,

I would not want the staff to have any familiarity whatsoever with the amenities that are where the paying guests, you know, spend their time. Another reason why you should never charter this boat. The sea rats suck and fuck and shit and piss all over the place sure they clean it but they're hung over all the time microbes and viruses are very small and extremely resilient kind of like natasha looking for a host so but but but when he says this i kind of got the implication he took a shit up there he took a shit up there he's familiar with the features of the japanese bidet i would probably say something like oh do you guys have them down there and he would say no and then i'd have my

proof that this was a waste of money because that man's been having his ass he's been uh dropping trow for uh two days yeah and it's blowing on his butthole i'm gonna go get more paw okay oh where are we though you gotta tell us where we are i know where we are some of the guests uh flirt with z which was nice to see you know except in my digging trying to find their preference sheets uh the owner of the health bar uh which helps women find their sexuality uh through cannabis she and yoga she was the beautiful one that z commented on and the only person she follows from the boat is natasha which is interesting oh so you're saying it didn't work out after the yeah that little bit of flirt

didn't get z laid yeah so whitley is cool she's very in tune she wants to sage the outside of the vessel but the inside is okay all right um she also has some very sad foreshadowing uh with z um yep uh about his moon and his rising and says i see your friend spitting in your face in the future sorry okay all right so wow more texts from natasha's boyfriend who is close to it's like she had a crystal ball yeah so more text from natasha's boyfriend who is close to i don't know deserving capital punishment in my book i mean listen i don't want to go all eugenics people are really really put off on by that but the dog in the party house will be fine without this guy he 700. This is the 700th melodramatic text of the season, which reads, If you're really not willing to try for your soulmate, then tell me now and tell me straight.

Dave has been flatly rejected by her and asking to open up a pop-up. Somehow, this guy is more pathetic. I don't get how he's... We haven't even met him yet. It's unbelievable. He's so good at being pathetic. I don't know how these get we haven't met him yet it's unbelievable he's so good at being pathetic i don't know how these sea rats uh maintain relationships in this industry oh wait they don't sorry okay i'm gonna ask a friend of the show if they know what uh this fucking

chach fabs and oh we got a friend i think i know who you're talking to. You know, it's fucked up because I don't know. I wouldn't want my vulnerable, emotionally insane texts read out to an audience. You know, you're not in a, that is not a form of you that you are willing to ever display publicly. But we do know it. are willing to ever display publicly but we do know it and also i you know i i think i could speak for all of us but i i we would never really get to that point sending all these text messages over and over and over i'm past that i'm old and i have no testosterone i don't care i would rather i don't care about anything put a bullet in my okay so um if you are a man and Natasha is drawn to you, run. But also, even if you think you're doing okay,

like you do evade her and you're like, whoa, that was a close call, do an inventory on your psychological wellness. Why is she attracted to you? She can smell landmines in your subconscious. So please, if she does ever approach you, seek therapy immediately. That's why I felt Dave was a poor mark for her. I don't think he necessarily checked any box for her

except being available and being attracted to a young girl that was attracted to him. He's not as broken as her. Forgive me, Tosh, if you're a listener, but Godless bait is bait. I think she's a boon to broken people if they can't avert their eyes from her gaze. to him right he's not as broken as her forgive me tosh if you're a listener but call a spade a spade i think she's a boon to broken people if they can't avert their eyes from her gaze and i i mean we're obviously all team dave despite some of the i even follow the story some of the horrible things i said about him early in the season but i love this guy and i could see how

he's a badass who's in isolation we saw him walking on the rocks by the by himself when you're in these close quarters that's when you're like oh my gosh this female presence is something i need in my life and then he fell and she's ursula so like it was a bunch of bad things happening to make him act how he did he's gonna be fine oh he's gonna be fine and listen i you know i i don't want to say i'm not on on dave's. I have to be because – but I bet she's a Manchester United fan too. She's from Manchester, you know, though. God damn, it's tough, man. She's probably a City fan.

She's probably a City fan. Are there people – I could see her being like, I don't even – everybody loves football. She doesn't even watch it. Yeah, I don't know. She's – yeah. Come on, Taj. Can we stop talking about soccer?

I want to talk about Dangerous Dave. I avoided about soccer yeah i want to talk about dangerous i want to talk about dangerous dave because you guys have a lot of thoughts on him i think he is making a comeback i've been dangerous dave okay he is finding his own in that goddamn uh kitchen sure since his mind is no longer clouded with tasha's tatas you know what i mean he is i get it you think he's he's flirting with her but he's flirting with just hey maybe we'll make out or maybe we'll hit it in the shower again he is no longer emotionally uh tied to her in my opinion at this juncture yeah and i see him asking her to go start restaurants so i think he's still very very much emotionally tied to her i don't know if pat believes what he just said i believe I believe that entire little diddly was for that little piece of alliteration.

Oh, you think so? Tasha's Tatas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think so, too. Got it. Right, right, right. Next round. Which I liked.

I love alliteration. Yeah, you're on. All right, let's get to lunch. Give what needs to be given, thigh meat and strawberry mojitos. Storm talks about Jason needing to pick up a lead deckhand for what he talks about jason leaving and needing to pick a lead deckhand for the last two days of this season don't get out of bed for this shit we don't get out of bed for it let's get to lunch though

um lovely spread we've got sous vide lamb chops, smoked broccoli salad and lemon, miscellaneous fish. Thank you, Bravo. And a strawberry daiquiri to really get the party going. 80 pots. Lamb looked to, you know, like he took it up towards 150, you know, 155, a little bit, but a little over for most, but otherwise a really delicious looking meal. And we've got a lovely charter guest moment here jason asks if they've been

drinking before they hop on the jet skis to which one of them replies undoing her um oxford oh we've been drinking they're just so fun these ladies that three seconds not even turn me on no it did she said it's so sexy i'm glad you pointed that out. I had it in my notes, but sometimes I get in this flow state where I just try to listen. Right, right, right. Because I also just stare at my notes sometimes, so I'm just listening. I almost forgot that. Thank you for mentioning that.

That was awesome. No problem. You remember that? Oh, yeah. Okay. That was right up your alley. Oh, yes. So, lovely charter guest moment.

That got Nick hard. So, back to the food the guests want surf and turf but they don't eat meat and they don't eat lobster so good luck day um what is next should we talk about storm and sandy or should we take a little ad break let's take an ad break uh by the way if you buy this product you will be put in the hopper to win the official Corey Feldman t-shirt worn by yours truly, Old Patty. I'll wash it before I send it to you. So buy the next product you're about to hear. And this contest is the most important thing another podcast network has going on.

Even more important than our new launch of a new network. Let's get to the ad read. What time is it? It's time to talk about an elixir. You know what well it will help you get through your day with zen hum and attentiveness focus it's all these good things it's magic mind okay it has 12 natural ingredients one of them is matcha. The others you will taste for yourself by going to magicmind.co

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Mocha Java Rockstar. You don't need celsius you don't need adderall you don't need uh mocha java rockstar you don't need these things all you need is a nice cup of coffee and or tea and magic mind go to magic mind.co use promo code sandy to get 20 off and start living a zen life so Storm heads down to talk to Sandy. And if there's one thing we know about Sandy, Sandy is fine with indulging in drum on the boat, hollandaise, you know, really anything that's going on below deck. But Storm is giving her the ick, I think. I think Sandy's got the ick from Storm because she is like,

okay, great, good. Because she looks so bothered by it. Well, I was going to do a look for the YouTube this is why you guys subscribed. You're Storm, walk in the room and I guess give me like a couple beats. No, I mean the beats, what he's saying to her

You ding dong Sorry That was pretty good Say he's gonna make Courtney the Hey Cap Yeah How you doing Cap? Why are you here?

Well I just wanted to Tell you something I'm gonna fucking make Fucking Courtney my lead deckhand. I'm so glad the Packers beat them. Who cares?

Okay. World-class improv. Done. She's got the ick from him. Get out of here. Okay. Storm annoys me. Do you guys know who I was there? Yeah, you're Aaron Rodgers.

I was Bob Kraft. Oh, you knew it. You knew it. He annoys me, too. Let's get to dinner. Great job on the tables, Nat. We then get ready for the Malaysian superstar that is Destiny. Maltese superstar that is Destiny.

And I wrote down, my God god you have a soundboard and five different other cases of sound equipment but i do want to hold off on speaking of that for later okay now destiny arrives and we get to c-rat history with natasha she was in majorettes and brings a baton with her. Do you see why I don't really care for these? I mean, this is, this is. I'd say six or seven out of 10 of the sea rat histories are a lot like this. But I just want to say that to our guest's face, you told how you didn't listen, how he won the British ski freestyle championship.

Not my fault. Bravo's fault. A lot different than Natasha being put in an activity. That's not, no one has, no little girl has passion to be a majorette. They're like, we should,

she should do something. I feel like she's gonna be a problem child. She tried to get away with murder. I agree. I completely agree that those two sea rat histories are very, very different ones. More badass than the other and a greater accomplishment. But I'll say again, not my fault.

When you've been conditioned to turn your brain off at another reel of childhood pictures about mothers being beaten with bones and divorce and alcohol and majorettes and batons and murders. Most of that stuff sounded exciting, at least, and fodder. Quick personal story. My sister was actually a majorette in a Warriors marching band. It's a lacrosse Wisconsin state. She's throwing the shit up in the air? Yeah.

Both my sisters were put into and i talk shit i was like an activity you put in which that certainly was for both my sisters who we were raised by our grandmother and otherwise who knows what would have happened to us so you're being the foster sister they they get put into it was i i i could elaborate but i'm trying so hard to get back to the show. Yeah, sure. They were put into Warriors Drumline. They were put into Warriors Marching Band. Crystal, my oldest sister, never really loved it. Natalie did take a liking to the baton,

so much so that the Warriors ended up taking them on a trip that they were bilked out of fucking $3,000 for my hard-paying grandma. Right. Oh, wow. In 1995, 1996, they went with my cousins and my aunt, Debbie. I was eight, and it was actually, it was decided that I would be left at home on the girls' trip. Yeah. Which is fine.

Yeah. I wasn't on a plane until I was 21, but it was fine uh i stayed i stayed it's funny you bring this up i stayed with my foster my former foster parents i want to tell you i was one years old i uh i don't have any memory this show really humanized you to the audience yeah it's all so sad we're almost there i was gonna ask if you ever made a career out of it you know throwing a baton no she washes people's assholes for a lot of money vikings minnesota vikings not the pillagers who didn't actually pillage it's a crazy the word association i'm doing with myself right now but i'm gonna wrap it up

and then on that trip uh the foster parents they they left and they had they had a son who's like 20 something and he lived at home and we watched a bunch of the NBA finals together. Uh, so it had to be 1996 fell in love with Michael Jordan and we watched some movie and I saw my first pair of boobs. Nice. Okay.

Quick personal story. Not that quick over. Well, I think I gleaned a lot about you. I was a, I've known you for eight years. Never heard that one. Thanks for sharing. You're welcome. Can I ask a quick question? Absolutely. What'd you gleaned a lot about you. I've known you for eight years. Never heard that one. Thanks for sharing.

You're welcome. Can I ask a quick question? Absolutely. What'd you glean? Grateful. Why? Because, you know, and no offense. I mean, I've told plenty of, you know, rambling stories.

Oh, I crushed that. I ramble not. But I mean, what a terrible story. You know what I mean? Mm-mm. Well, you know. Agreed to disagree. All right, democracy good story uh let's get to dinner it is served kyle is taking orders and on the menu is sea bass or filet now they ask for both and when kyle relays this info he says um excuse me

when kyle relays this info to dave dave says that the turf was scallops the backup slash break glass in case of emergency was sea bass now the boat is sixty thousand dollars a day right and we've we're always told of this five-star service and listen kyle's a god, queen, goddess, whatever he wants to be called, right? How did the word scallops not come up in any way, shape, or form? What do they do all day leading up to dinner service?

It is not like we've got a 14-course meal with the ingredients for each dish you need to unravel for the table it's surf and term so how did scallops not even it sounds like they didn't even enter his ear holes he didn't say it because it's just mind-blowing nick you want to text dave and ask him what what's happening here see if he responds to you at uh 12 6 in the morning his time. You're friends with Dave, aren't you? We all are. I already texted him about something, but I can't say what. Oh, nice.

Dave is sent into a bit of a spiral and proclaims that now he has to do an extra course. Here's an idea. Don't. Right? Just go up and talk to them or have Kyle go up and talk to them. And also before this mistake as well, because there's a lot of guesswork here. Dave's like, well, they don't eat meat and they don't eat lobster what am i gonna do head on up talk to them see what they want for dinner and have kyle just go and be cute say something you

know charmingly sexual and fix the mistake let's not do two dishes wherein protein is lumped on top of some type of sweet potato and of serve twice you serve twice the exact same accoutrement let's not do that and i don't want to interrupt the food but i and i'm no chef but i had the same thought here's what i would have done if i was dave yeah i would have walked up there and like so it says you want surf and turf most of you don't like meat most of you don't like fish how would you like me to do this right right right yeah yeah that's a good one now that that was that sounded a little adversarial you're right you're right i did have a tinge of what the fuck if i was one of these charter guests and that same plate came with the same

sweet potatoes with the layout he did a good uh little carrot little mash i would have turned to my fellow uh uh guests and said are we in the fucking matrix what the fuck is going on we're living the same day over and over yeah uh the other thing can i do a meanwhile i know we're still on dinner service and i don't want to yeah but we kind of should right right that's not you're gonna attack me that's i would have said groundhog's day yeah there was actually this one hog day there was this yeah sorry yeah there was this one abc fuck man there's this abc family christmas movie that i can't remember the name of but it starred the kid who starred in brink and he woke up to the same christmas every day right myriad examples you

could have used nailed it both of you a glitch in the matrix uh the guy pierce the guy pierce movie uh the nolan movie uh what was that first one memento i saw that yeah hey let me do a meanwhile let me do a meanwhile that's not the same day every day no time goes backwards he's that guy is fucking infatuated with time anyway he is um okay no mental yeah oh yeah that's his whole thing yeah it's always time okay okay uh meanwhile stellar you didn't get interstellar i loved interstellar i didn't get that stupid one with uh the the dunkirk dunk no man that was really boring that one was boring dunkirk was what's the one that got released during covid and he thought people were going to show up to a movie theater for that.

Oh, Tenet. Fucking piece of shit. I was going to say Insidious. Yes, Tenet. I just read that. So much exposition about this stuff that we have no idea how it works. It's like the reason why he's walking backwards is because he's three days ago. It's like, God, shut up.

All right, let me do it meanwhile. Meanwhile, Sandy, like a lonely shark with no friends and nothing to do, starts circling around the dinner table. Yeah, I'm so sorry. I thought it would have been a great time to plug bad TV, but you were smack dab in the middle. We can do that. The first course is served and then immediately he races down for the fish. God, can this man cook? I just really quickly want to speak of the difficulty with getting fish skin to a palatable texture.

Um, it's a tricky fucking thing. I'm not sure why he's basting the skin after achieving such a beautiful Socorro, but you know, as Nick says all the time, yeah, what have skis,

you know? So, um, like you said, got a yes and, but I don't say that. Um, Sandy is just,

she's floating quite a bit. she's floating quite a bit she's floating quite a bit i've heard you say sakurada bunch yeah that is that is putting a crisp on the no it's crispy rice at the bottom of paella oh okay i was just saying that oh i thought you were talking about what he was doing to the the the sea bass i took liberties with the word because it's achieved a crispiness that is very difficult to attain the reason i got so excited about it is because i've been air frying a ton of salmon and my apartment smells like shit microwave it no it works but i didn't i was i was i was afraid of the black but what i what he did is what i'm seeing

from this 119 air fryer. Oh, yeah. It's incredible. Right, right, right. But my apartment smells like shit. Yeah, people always go, oh, you know, you want to eat healthy? You know, fish is a really, really incredible thing. I mean, if you can just have some fish.

I don't want to cook fish. Oh. I don't want to cook fish. Hey, you guys are so young and you're so lucky. I mean, you've kind of had office jobs in the podcasting world, those smelly studios. I worked at North American Insurance 20 years ago in a lunchroom with one microwave and one lady on a diet with salmon as her main course for lunch. She sprayed lemon with one of those lemon bottles, put it on a fucking paper plate at

1145, put it in the microwave for five minutes ruin the entire lunch rub i it's criminal i i think i paid her back i had sex with her daughter that is not proportional but you did get her back i actually one time there was this new guy in a studio recording a podcast he came in from some with some microwave dish, and he's sitting behind me. He doesn't fucking do anything. And I just stopped the podcast. I said, get out. Everybody could smell it, and no one would say anything.

That's the difference between podcasts and North American insurance. I would have gotten fired for that. Storm is on the bridge. Sandy tells him to leave her alone. Then she goes down to check on the dinner and we get this riddle really incredible performance from destiny um sandy is so blown away actually that she says holy cannoli she's awesome um and sandy's fucking right she killed it you know i thought it was overboard pun nice bringing all the sound equipment on, but we've often spoke of Dave Chang's father,

that piece of wisdom that was, check the back of the toilets if you want to find out whether or not there is a culture of excellence in this restaurant. Excellence is in the details, you know? That's what Destiny and her team did here tonight. You know, they took everything with them. It doesn't matter that we're on a fucking hunk of shit the middle of nowhere right

we're gonna do this right we need two speakers and like uh i don't know an iphone and everything would work on a big soundboard too i gotta say bravo 99 pots honestly there's only 12 people listening just let the woman sing get a karaoke. I could put a little reverb on there. Yeah, but that is a back of the toilet. By the way, is Bravo moving into the A&R department? Like, what was all this about? Well, the Squid Game owners have a, you know, this woman sings at their torture parties. That's what I was thinking.

She's not invited, though. I'm actually picking up what Pat's laying down. This is a little bit of fucking watching god damn it why can't I think of one person that has ever come out on The Bachelor

because I used to write them down and research them for a funny joke about one specific song god damn it but on The Bachelor they always bring out

a star that they're trying to fucking push and I don't think this is the last we're gonna see of Destiny no well or maybe it will

be you know that cardiovascular thing the you know the ticker is uh richard marks i did love her rendition not her original song of jimmy cassett so uh z is asked to move the sound equipment and natalia throws a bit of a fucking fit about uh kyle and natasha not helping pat what is up with the tv girlfriend natalia this is another example of you uh being kind of a pain in the ass and old patty here i think i'm ending our relationship oh my god that's really sad i was hoping you'd give her a longer leash i literally have it on my notes i was like natalia i'm rooting for you and pat this type of behavior isn't going to help what's going on between you two we both knew it was going to be nick it was too hot to ever be

able to survive this that's what happens yeah you're like a white dwarf the relationship right that is such a bummer it's understandable though because she's made a side with Tosh in this moment. What were you going to say? Oh, no. I signaled to Natalia to call me. Got it. So, I don't think... Now Pat knows. I don't think that you want to be in a relationship with Natalia because... That's not what I said.

Well... Firstly, Natalia, don't make us side with Tosh, okay? She's up all night with the guests while you hop into bed and drive storm fucking insane with the five thousandth cuddle of the season this man has to be milking himself daily i mean the horror I can't imagine that. Unbelievable. Do you get what I'm saying? Like, have they kissed?

We've seen them kiss, right? I believe they've kissed. There's nothing. I'm not fucking cuddling. I mean, listen, your body, your choice, right? You got to be respectful of that. But I mean, what are we at now? Like four weeks to this? I mean, my God.

Another reason old Patty wouldn't put up with this. So let's get i thought you two crazy kids were gonna make it yeah me too it's very sad but let's get to the last day and before we do that let's talk about these sponsors our next partner has a product that i use literally every single freaking day it is athletic greens i started taking ag1 to feel a little bit better in the morning your first step of the day better be a good one better be straight and on the ground so uh what is this stuff with one delicious scoop of ag1 you're absorbing 75 high quality vitamins minerals whole food whole food sourced ingredients, probiotics, and adaptogens. What? To help start your day right. Okay. I personally consume it because it's a good way to get the routine going in the morning. Okay. Athletic greens is lifestyle friendly,

whether you eat keto, paleo, vegan, dairy free, or gluten gluten free uh also it costs you less than three dollars a day you're investing in your health so to make it easy athletic greens is going to give you a free one year supply of immune supporting vitamin d and five free travel packs with your first purchase all you have to do is visit athleticgreens.com slash below deck again that's athleticgreens.com to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimately daily nutritional insurance. So Tosh wakes up with nice big shit. Natalia tells her boss that she did a good job. We smell cheese and we modify chaturanga.

Now, breakfast burritos look to be on the menu um for the morning what is in the tortilla though i do not know bacon definitely uh i thought it looked like fried chicken but that could be my latent racism right and now i'm in a spiral now i'm in a fucking spiral about whether or not i have darkness in my heart do i don't i that's why i need to fucking find out what the fucking food is, Bravo. Okay? Hit Dave up. Don't subject me to this kind of fucking tornado in my head.

It's not right. God damn it. Pretty sure it was bacon. So anything before the guests depart? Nothing. All right. Except tensions still continue to heat up between Kyle and Natalia. I think they have one more exchange.

Right. All right. So let's get to the tip meeting then, Pat. Okay. Okay. Okay. to tell you i think they have one more exchange right um all right so let's get to the tip meeting then uh pat okay okay okay first i'd like to say now that i know that you can just rent this thing for 24 hours that's all you need you don't need to be on this boat for two three days it's miserable miserable i don't like it but 24 hours in the as part of a bigger plan as far as a bigger vacation where you're mainly going to be on the mainland do one day where you take the tour buses around you go see all the the buildings that are lauded you know in history and then you go do a beach day you know in the sand and then you do one day

on this boat it's fun you get all the pictures you got to say you were on a yacht anyway sorry back to here i agree i just want to walk on cobblestone streets you can do that in europe Sorry, back to here. I agree. I just want to walk on cobblestone streets. You can do that in Europe. I know. I'm not saying that. There's a lot of them in Europe.

Okay, okay, okay. So tip meeting, Jason gets some props and then they give him the fucking axe. That was wonderful. 14K for one day. Yeah. Well done. Unbelievable.

I mean, as a per day tip, I think that trumps any- Yeah, that's the highest we've ever- Because if most people do three days, that'd be a 45 grand tip to be, I guess, in the same ballpark. Well done, ladies. That's $1,272 each. Not bad for one day's work as a Sea Rat.

Unreal Sea Rat. That's like the peak of Sea Rat-ness, right? It's just one day of work, then you get to go fucking blackout. You're like, really? No one's guarding this wheel of cheese? Right, right. Exactly. So we get another text from Natasha's boyfriend.

I still love you. I just hope you feel the same way in a few weeks. So we've graduated to threats, huh, buddy? Look at you. Fucking bitch. God, I hate this guy. There's too much oscillation and feeling without interacting. It really fucking bothers me.

You can't just be away from someone and just be going up and down with how you feel about them. That's such a great point. How has it moved this much? How have things moved in any direction? You guys have literally not seen each other. So Tosh breaks down, and despite that, damaging her veneer of leadership.

And in a moment of vulnerability to kyle she says i just want to keep running i don't want to face it and if sea rats had a crest that should be in latin on the bottom of it it's just unbelievable i just want to keep running yeah so kyle says no more tears only penises, no, she does not need more penises. She needs a looking glass and some quiet time to herself. Reflect. Self-care. Love yourself, baby.

All right, so let's get to the night out. Pick up that baton again. Pick it up. Time on your own. So, let's get to the night date. They spend time in the car ride shitting on jason deservedly so and then we sit down for dinner espresso martinis in the proper glass are served and storm falls victim to him being in his own hero's journey um he storms off and says we're

gonna have this conversation tonight and naturally his employees say what are you talking about and also his uh fake girlfriend too uh yeah because she actually prompts this because he's like i need to do this and she's like no you don't well he's like well i will do it it's with a beer in hand and six shots in z that Storm delivers the news with, honest to God, some of the worst bedside manner I've seen in some time. Yeah. I know, Z, you're my best friend, but I'm going to bestow this meaningless honor on this girl I've just met.

Right. All because, by the way, we never discussed what was the reasoning behind this, is that a new deckie's coming here, and the new deck he needs to understand who's in charge because remember he's the bosun but i would argue no he doesn't or she doesn't no um but but is his hero's journey as dylan put uh back to the meaningless of this award or promotion being dealt out and i guess it's i guess it's not meaningless because they get to put it on their cv it's important to the c-rat so there's no softening it at all for z though how about a heads up to him yeah there's no you know preceding this with a with a kind of friend to friend talk and while he's delivering the news

he's just talking at courtney about how amazing she is in front of her his childhood friend it's just fucking nuts here's the insanity of this in that and i love how you pointed out a hero's journey in this moment storm thinks he's fucking patent, except it isn't World War II, and 40,000 people haven't already died, and that Courtney's shown her bravery by crossing enemy lines. You guys are cleaning shit off a fucking boat. Storm was up all last night with a bottle of bourbon. He's like, how do I tell him? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But when I pointed out the meaninglessness, I wasn't saying why z shouldn't be upset it's why storm all things being equal give it to your fucking friend who gives a shit right he's doing it out of some principle that he literally thinks courtney is a slightly better deck right you've known him for two decades yeah just award him with the thing for like six more days right piss me off it's so annoying so stupid and when he gets back to the table we have another we get to be continued again they to be continued us and i mean natalia there's espresso martinis flowing i get it you know but i mean i mean she's your ex tv girlfriend do you want to take this away sure sure absolutely okay this is what spouses do sometimes it's the

best part of having a spouse they tell you you're being a douchebag but also yeah go ahead but they shouldn't be doing it in front of the i. I agree with that. Her huge problem is that he harshes everybody's mellow. Yeah. There's nothing that will harsh the mellow more than a woman castrating a man right in front of you. And that's what she did. Well, it's true love. Yeah, that's what they do. And also, the thing with spouses is that, yes, they will hold you accountable.

But I can't talk tonight. But they also do know your faults inside and out. with spouses is that yes they will hold you accountable but i can't talk tonight but they also do know your faults inside and out so oftentimes with them knowing your faults you are often seeing the person you love side with the rest of the world strangers people on the road well i know contractors contractors you know well i know you do this. Hey, hey, hey, hey. We're supposed to be in step, okay? Not in front of the family. I love my wife more than anything in the world.

So do you, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get married and get in the iTunes ratings and reviews. Leave five stars and kind words and also go to Bad TV and subscribe to it okay also go to youtube subscribe to this channel comment like tell your friends steal credit cards too if you don't have the money to go to patreon.com slash another podcast network and let let us know if you're going to bravo con hit us up in the comments we'll be there next year by the way

that's on my dream board maybe see you next week i'm dylan saying goodbye nick say goodbye goodbye later board maybe see you next week i'm dylan saying goodbye nick say goodbye goodbye later No