Another Below Deck Podcast - What’s Going On? | Below Deck Down Under S4 E18

Episode Date: June 2, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down Bar Mitzvahs, picky eaters, bidets, SNL, seafood, foreign impressions, M.C. Escher, bowel movements, cottage cheese, store bought cake and more from Bravo's Below Deck Down UnderPATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

Because the first course is octopus and gobble gul, aka Pat, doesn't eat octopus. Ben's solution is to serve him. Nothing. Imagine, imagine for a moment. Imagine for a moment. You go to a prefix menu. Now, you've sent in ahead of time that you don't eat certain things. So you show up.

And you just skip entire courses. They put plates out in front of the rest of the guests. And because you said you were a vegetarian, the meat dish will be for them and not for you. You can drink your drink. Hi, hello, welcome to Bad TV. I'm Dylan. That is Pat.

I am so glad you're back, Dilly. Me too, man. I miss you. Dare I say, I missed America. I really did. We'll break the whole thing. thing. Oh, Kaelin's here too, by the way.

Hello. Hey, Kay. We'll break the whole vacation down. The patreon.com slash another podcast network along with, um, do I need to watch? I've missed so much. I've been completely unplugged, essentially. I've heard pray tell of Darkside Danny coming out, uh, drinking a couple of coronas.

Oh, do you need to catch up on the valley? No, just jump right in. Okay. Yeah, don't worry about it. Ruby and I and Kayling, he held it down. We're all caught up. Yes, I want to thank all three of the Musketeers for really, really holding it down.

And yeah, what about, I saw the first part of the reunion, must-see TV, right? Oh, they did a great job at Summer House Part 1 of the reunion. Yeah, and then evidently I've heard that Liz is bad now, which was a real heel turn. Liz is very evil. Is she evil? Oh, yeah.

She's scary. Oh, really? She's like Joe Pesci and Goodfellas. Like she's shooting spider. Ping pow, boom, pow, pow, ping, pow, boom. Scary stuff. Her, like, Italian came out. Very, very, very scary.

A little taste of, uh, what, uh, what APS will look like. Incredible vacation. How blessed are we that we got to go to Italy for two plus weeks, right? Um, don't go places. No. What? Blast. You're going to share that on APS.

I went to a bar mitzvah. Yes. Uh, where the, was that your first, uh, Mitzv? Yeah, I think so. Oh, wow. What a joyous occasion. It was wonderful, and everyone got so fucking drunk that they demanded that the bars stay open, the parents that were throwing the bar mitzvah,

and they actually got in a fight with the manager. And it was a really fun time. I never knew that would happen at a bar mitzvah, but I'll share it on APS. Do you lift the little child up in the air? My buddy, um, Jesse did. He said, come on, let's do it. And I whisked out. And he did it.

And he lifted the chair up. I don't even think he knew the girl. Oh, yeah. I'm a bad bad jay i didn't get a bar bought i gotta tell you these 13 year old Kalen did he's not even Jewish these 13 year old boys and girls maybe they've been fed a heavy diet of TikTok they know how to dance these kids oh dude they can do the doggie their hips are are lubed up i mean it's crazy wow you got to give it to him um all right so let's get into the finale of below deck season 80

Um, I, you know, this show, if you put it together in all its seasons, is it beating Wheel of Fortune yet? I'm not sure. I mean, it's been on for a while and they've been doing, it just doesn't end. First season was 2013. So we're going on 13 years, if my mask stands correct. Um, uh, what did you think of this episode? It was a bizarre break from our normal programming. Yeah, it was odd because, remember, they, uh, did a.

A full charter, one day was completely fast forwarded and encapsulated into it, I guess, a 20-second reel. And then we ended the season in one single episode. Said goodbye to the goodbyes. So overall, I truly enjoyed the season. Seeing Ben's arc was very entertaining. Yeah, it was like a Batman story. Wow, it was crazy. It was that nuanced.

Extremely. Life is not black or white, Dylan. It's nuanced. No. In living color. It is not binary. Batul is still not on the show, but one of my favorite moments was at the tail end of the show when she thanked Jason and is happy she made it through the season.

And now she can say a big fuck you to her parents. And I believe she waved up the bird to both their parents who are not there. I would have said to Batul if she really wanted to say fuck you to her dad, she should follow the true trajectory of most sea rats on this show and show her bunghole on only fans. That's the real fuck you. No, can't ever wish for that. But it was great after Batole's speech, the cast of the show got the staff to remove her because they weren't sure who she was. Right.

Now, Dylan, I always say a great episode has people we hate. Now, I had a turnaround on Brooklyn Pat at the tail end of the episode because the tip was so nice. And he was polite. Now, Brandon, I do hate. Brandon is a real fraud. think he has any money. And it's, this is all, uh, show it, but don't know it or whatever that I'd show it, but don't know. I don't know. He doesn't have any money. He just comes on here, cobbles together, uh, nine other people that he doesn't really know, but they can all shake together

about three or four grand. And he comes on here to look like he's a millionaire, but he's not. Uh, now, um, I do want to say this about, uh, Brooklyn, Pat. Again, I don't really have a problem with Pat, but just a few notes here. Uh, if you remember Dylan, um, his only foods that he eats are pasta, pizza, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but not the crunchy peanut butter. And burgers. Oh, he eats burgers, too. Oh, that's right. Now, so according to his diet, the next time he should vacation, it should be a Chuckie

cheese, that fucking loser. Well, I was going to say you and him are kindred spirits. I don't show up on this boat and say that I'm a finicky eater. Like, that would imply that I don't like shellfish. It's not that I eat like a four-year-old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Anyway.

Also, Brooklyn, Pat, I know you're a finicky eater, but you're a chubby motherfucker for a finicky eater. Well, when you're eating burgers and pasta and pizza all the time, it's going to, you know, it's going to tack a couple of libs on. Okay. Well, I've done enough. You've, you're going forever and you're not. Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. Overall, I enjoyed the season. I enjoy the episode. Brandon, you're still a weasel. And, yeah. And Ben, I really want you back.

you are truly entertaining. I'm going to give it 100 knots. Kalyn, how many knots do you give it? I'll give it 99 knots. That's low for you. Yeah, I thought it was a great episode. I loved, my favorite part of the episode was Jason hearkening back to the first episode

where he sat, Jewel, Ben, and Daisy down and said it is the strength of the characters at this table that is going to lead this season to a success. It's worth reminding everyone that he had handpicked those three. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To not make the same mistakes that he had made the prior season. A lot of fun, always ends with a whimper.

I kind of, dare I say, want to try to do a cliffhanger finale of a below-deck season. It just feels like the last 15 minutes of these seasons never really have. You know, when you're making a margarita, perhaps, or something like that, and you just get a bone-dry line? It's bone-dry. Oh, there's no juice to squeeze. There's no juice to squeeze. It's like a caterpillar got in here, sucked all the juice out.

That's what this is like. I give it zero pots. Wow, the last 15 minutes, because I take notes, I usually just put my pencil down. You don't take notes with a pencil. Was that a metaphor? Hey, I want to talk about med because I saw some comments because they can't stand Captain Timeshare, Captain Sandy. They can't stand her so much.

Who's they? The viewing public. American audiences. Yes. I want to share. It's not like I work for Bravo. They also saw that Jill the Ho and Nate are on this season. When you told me that, I mimicked the voice of the barnacles as well. I hate that guy, Joe, more than most people we've had on this show.

He's just boring. It's not even like I dislike him. It's just like you're so one-note and boring. Let me set this up for everyone. And I don't think I'm spoiling anything. I watched the first episode. Don't worry about it. The first episode is very, very good.

There's a chef on there. Her name is Joy. She's everything but joyous. Okay. And it's like being named Happy. And then you, I don't know, you are a serial killer or something. Yeah. And then there's a bunch of other really good-looking people that are crazy sea rats on there.

And I think my impression is that either Nate or Joe aren't going to make it out of the first three episodes. So we won't have to put up with them long. Marvelous. All right, well, let's get into the finale. Okay. And Kay, how are you doing? I'm doing good. Thank you.

Okay, great. So, last we left off, Jawow had woken the engineers and attempted to lock chef Ben in Ben's bedroom, which is confusing behavior. And I'm with Ben who, you know, pot kettle. He's actually a wanker also. You fucking wanker. You fucking wanker. You fucking wanker. Now, Daisy on the after show had noted that this was all just for Joow, all for show.

Something tells me those two didn't make it happen. Well, you see a certain pattern with Joow where, you know, Jeowl gets emotionally manic about the women that he's trying to, let's just say, dump his seed into or on, you know. Wherever. Wherever. He usually, well, we'll get into. it this episode, but I believe a quote was, I feel so honored that Daisy has entrusted me with her

emotions. And then when the camera stopped rolling, you know, we've heard this with Serena, we've seen it with, I think one other person now. We've seen it with Daisy. How about that girl that her poor boyfriend had died in that drowning incident or was crushed by an elephant, something like that. And he, no, that was Joe. Oh, I thought you while I was in that. Forgive me. Never mind. I'll shut up now. Go ahead. You have your thoughts. But he, yeah, he usually turns to do. Darkside Jewell pretty quickly. But I was going to say that the pot calling the kettle black thing, Ben is a wanker. But what are you doing going up there and breaking the door of this bedroom for? To look like a triumphant hero. Yeah. So he goes up to Daisy and he goes, hey, I just want to let you know.

I went downstairs. I woke up the mutants. And I had to take him. tempted to lock Ben in his room, all for you and your emotions. Well, he's rewarded. Like all great warriors are rewarded, Dylan. A cigarette. No, no, no, no. No, his true reward is, air quote, cuddles. Oh, that's the grand prize.

And a little spit-swapping, nicotine and nicotine and whatever feral dog meat they'd served at Foxy Jaxes. I'm going to miss Foxy Jaxes. Me too. Me too. I'm really going to miss that. But I think Voxy Jackson is an above-board institution, right? So they'll serve you above-board for where we are as different than above-board for, I don't know, let's say the developed world.

Sorry. Sorry. The double-wide pizza shack, that's where the dog meat goes. When you get a meat lovers, they can't source all of the meats. The Canadian ham, they can't get it. So what they do is they throw a little terrier on it. thinly slice perfectly cooked. If you knew what you were eating,

you would say no. But you consume it. It's delicious. It's salty. Hey, Pat. Hey, how are you? Hey, I'm great, man. How are you? I'm doing wonderful.

I'm doing really good, actually, because I'm sleeping on silk. Yeah, in America, by the way. Yep, Silk in America. I am the Sultan of America with Blissie. Okay. Everyone knows that pillowcases are disgusting. They can be. They can be bad for your skin.

They can trap odors. They can mess up your hair. That's where Blissy comes in. You can get healthier skin in weeks. Reduces fine lines and wrinkles and sleep creases. And it also helps prevent breakouts. You know, the drool, the cheek. And it's naturally cooling, too.

That's my favorite thing about Blissy. Okay? I hate a hot pillow. There is nothing more obstructive. to a good night's sleep than a hot pillow. Since I've been sleeping on my Blissie pillow, I walk out sometimes and people mistake me for being 20 years younger, Dylan.

Yep. Because you are a listener, Blisssey is offering 60 nights risk-free plus an additional 30% off when you shop at Blissy.com slash bad TV. It's B-L-I-S-S-Y. Dot com slash bad TV. And use code bad TV to get an additional 30% off your skin,

your hair. Well, thank you. You deserve silk. Go to blissy.com slash bad TV. Daisy is flipping out about this bed thing. And I got to say, Daisy started off the season, and we were like, who is this Daisy? We were lulled into a sense of security. And this is what happens with Daisy pretty much every season.

She doesn't wear seasons well. By the end of season, by the end of a season, Daisy just fractures and starts to really molehill and mountain everything she possibly can. And it's, you're reminded, okay, this is Daisy. But you know what? I'm good with another season of Daisy. Let's keep this carousel going. You sure? Yeah, for sure. I'm curious. I don't want to see this. I'm just curious. Insert Kermit in this season as a, instead of Daisy, would we have had the same outcome of the fights in that guy? I prefer Daisy over, over Kermit because Kermit gives you no conflict. Kermit just gives you good vibes and jokes about eating ass or something.

That's about right. You know. I love testicles. No, okay. Yeah. Gotcha. Okay.

It's fucking, all right. Everyone's flipping out about this bed thing. And I get that there's like, it's clarified that it's a 24 hour turnover. So it's a bigger deal, but it's a bed. What are we losing our minds?

about it's a fucking bed okay now the two of them joow and jason both text captain jason joow and ben both text captain jason in the middle of the night boys why don't we wait for the booze okay to wear off before we go this texting your boss this only happens with three people that have sat at a bar at bravo con and bonded about being on a television show with each other right a hundred percent okay this is the text hey boss just wanted to let you know that Ben Bitch closed door asshole last night, can you believe? Just wake up and have a conversation with the CEO of the boat, essentially. So we wake the next morning to Captain Jason doing his rounds of interrogation, calls a team meeting.

But beforehand, there's a moment of Shakespearean betrayal here, um, wherein Ben is talking to the thing in the galley. and he says, can you believe those decades, five? And she says, well, to be fair, I would be upset too. A rank breaking. Oh, wow.

Which is, I didn't catch that. The two of them have been thickest thieves. They've been gassing one another. He's been feeding her whatever extraterrestrial, you know, resources she needs to continue living. And she's been gassing him up the same way. and then he comes in, he needs her support, she breaks rank. Well, guess what?

You're back to dishwasher. You are assistant dishwasher. You're a dishwasher. Yes. All right? I don't think that was impetus for her. I think it was just reality smacking her in the face that she would not get sous chef this season. Well, she got a knife, which is a bad idea, but we'll get to it.

So Jason brings the gang up. Are we ready for this meeting of the minds? I think so. Remember, he specifically handpicked these sea rats for their quote unquote professional. I do want to say this. Don't let Captain Jason recommend a contractor for you because he'll fucking build your house without a fucking roof. Oh, no. Yeah, no.

Everything will be plywood. Jason, your contractor installed my toilet upside down. I don't know how the fuck you do that. Yeah. You want me to pee into the bottom part of that? How am I supposed to do that? I can't sit on that. Jesus.

Which, you know, we'll get to bidet's when we start. when we break down Italy. There's nothing, I can't do it. Are you a bidet person? No, it's a weird. I can get used to it though. You have a perky little butthole. I'm sure you could probably.

You know what's funny? My daughter the other day, six year old, she's asking all these weird questions. Thank God she's off the God topic. She goes, hey, what did we do to wipe our butts before toilet paper? And the true answer, I don't know. Leaves. I don't know how far back she was going in human history.

Medieval times, I think it was just hands. Yeah. I think men would wipe their ass with their hands and then smack their children and their wives with the same hand, I think. That's why it was such a dark, they call it the dark ages. I told her a great grandmother used to shit in a hole. And that's why she should be happy to be living in this time. It's a great. It's about forced perspective with raising children, you know.

You don't know how lucky you are. Right. You have toilet paper. All right. So again, we get back to this first meeting. It's your stature and leadership are going to be the most important ingredients to the success of this boat. Now, this recalls from me, so we're sitting down with the heads of the department. We're a mere hour and a half to two hours away from charter guests coming on this festival.

And there's been this, the new cast of SNL, I think, is doing a great, great job. and I think there's so many of them are very, very funny. There's only 42 of them, right? There's, no, 43 of them. But, and I'll work this back around, but there's a Tucker Carlson impression on Weekend Update that I cannot stop watching. I've watched it 700 times if you haven't seen it.

You have to run, don't walk. But in the sketch, he does this thing where he goes, what's going on? What are we doing? What's going on? And when I'm watching Captain Jason talk to these three before the charter, I'm thinking, what are we doing? What is going on?

I couldn't agree more. I'll say this. I think all these captains at some point fancy themselves potential life coaches or what are those Tony Robbins type characters? Life coaches. Oh, yeah, life coaches. And so the whole premise of this meeting is because let's face it, he should just point out that they're all who they are. They're all fucking old and just say, look, you're all damaged sex addicts with wavering moral compasses. Yeah.

Let's knock this one out. Meeting adjourned. There is no true north to any of you, elder sea rats. So there's nothing we can do about this, right? The compasses are broken, but we end with the mandate. Nothing passive, aggressive, absolute unity, okay? Can I do you? We've got a gay guy and his friend coming on.

Okay? We have to smash it out of the park for them. We're doing the seven deadly sins dinner. where one person is just not going to eat any food. I can't wait to get there. Well, his buddy keeps complaining about him not eating and having to serve him food. I want to do a meanwhile. Meanwhile, meanwhile, Ben tells the Balkan Biscuit what happened.

Alicia and Barbie are annoyed that they have to read you to the guest cabin. And oh, Eddie Hotboxes Jenna in the laundry dungeon. What do you mean by that? He toots in that very small confined area. It's called Hotboxing. I want to say this. Okay. Eddie, you pig.

Grow up. You can hold it in for a minute until you get out of there. Hold it in for 30 seconds. A little known fact here. Women hold it in for like 30 years in some circumstances. That's how classy they are. Can I tell you something? All right.

We're going to do a long recap of the trip and air travel and all that stuff. But yesterday I was sure. You couldn't pay me $10,000 to do what you do. All expense paid and then 10 grand on top of it. We'll talk about it. Okay. On our 10-hour flight from Rome to Chicago, I was served some kind of chicken dish. Okay.

That did things to my gastrointestinal system that were truly demonic. And so from Chicago to Los Angeles, I was, let's just say I was fighting for my life. Now, what does one do when they're on an airplane and they have gassy stuff going on? You just, you have to. Otherwise, there's only so much Eva Longoria does Spain that I can watch without crying from gaspains. So I just let, I start leaking it, okay? And I understand it's disgusting and I shouldn't do that.

The flight attendant comes by and says, do you guys need to change her? I smell something. Oh. And I said, I said, you know what? We do. Could you stop the cart for us? I get up. I turn around.

The woman behind us is almost in tears covering her nose. Okay. You are so lucky to have a baby. If not just that you wanted to bring another life form into. That's the only reason I did it. Just to have that as an excuse. I had my darling little Lucy. Okay.

and so I could openly rip. But I would have started to cry. There was nothing I could do. It was the Italian chicken. I couldn't do anything about it. I honestly believe that's why a lot of fat guys bring dogs to restaurants. They can blame it on the dog. All right.

So this meeting goes well. The first thing Ben says is, hey, I don't like that. I don't like what just happened. But he sits down with Joel. They bro out with their wieners out. Daisy's not involved. but we do get to Daisy and Ben who have a chat. It goes well.

Somehow this turns into Ben calling himself a snake charmer. It's about Ben apologizing for being such an egomaniac. And then it quickly turns into Ben filating himself about the management of one Balkan Biscuit. And Daisy says, I really appreciate the apology. By the way, I hate her.

Okay. Let's focus up. Okay. We got a charter. Let's just focus up. So I want to say we haven't seen the samurai bust at really at all. and I could have done with a lot more of that this season. You know what I'm talking about?

I was a giant, I couldn't place it in a dynasty, which dynasty it belonged to, but it was an oriental statue of some kind of... Is that the thing that the Balkan Biscuit? No, is it Alicia worship? Are you not supposed to say Oriental when referring to statues? I think you can say whatever that. Let me, Asians, let me know.

All right, so we get to promotion talk. And Ellie is getting to the point. where if you put her blood in a petri dish, it could turn into a violent space alien. But it is not her fault. Because Ben is the one that floated this asinine and dare I say inappropriate. What's going on? Why did you tell this maniac who we love, Ben on the show many times,

that she could be sousheff? She was... Listen. In the game of wars, in the world of meaningless hierarchy, I too think that Ellie should be promoted to sous chef, okay? Let's just promote her to head chef, okay? Might as fucking well.

Because have we seen what Ben's doing? Okay? Here's what I would have said if I'm Ben. Because she seemed very confused. I would have said two words. dish soap. Sorry. Just hold it up and just jingle it a little bit in his face.

All right. So yeah, she's insane for thinking this is a possibility, but Ben is the one that said this is a possibility. And when your boss says, you know, you could possibly get this, you go, oh, maybe it's not such an insane idea. So the guests arrive. Alicia has not shaved her knees.

And there's a dude from Brooklyn there. Jenna nails that impression, huh? Oh, yeah. out of the park. Backed out of the park. South Africans doing Brooklynites. That's great. Pat, Pat, Pat, Pat.

I like you. Yeah. Really embracing that New Yorker. New Yorker. Oh, boy. Mm-hmm. You know how much Dylan and I hate this. Listen.

I'm from Irish. Oh, no. I love music and fiddles. Oh, hello there. You have any potatoes? Oh. Oh, I love to kill people with rocks. Oh, where's me lucky terms.

My favorite way to cast down. an adversary is with a rock. Oh, where's me me and pataches? You get it. Yeah, fuck off. Dial it down, you fucking loser. Right, right, right. Jesus Christ, don't you love how they amp it up.

Who are you? Who are you? Forget about it. Forget about it. All right? With canned and tomatoes in the summer with our entire family. How are there so many of you? No, Catholicism is crazy.

All right, so the joy of these guests right out of the gate. There's a glow to them when they're looking at their bedrooms and their bathrooms, right? Now, this is before being subjected to what this show subjects people to, which is lunch. Now, we've got a seafood extravaganza that has been ordered. Now, this is one of those... I'm always amazed that people can... recall the person that you know those those illusions with the stairs where they look like they're going oh yeah what's that painter people know that person i've heard so many people like this is a

ubiquitous name i'm like i know a lot of niche stuff i'm so surprised that you just rattled off this name uh k's looking it up but this lunch was that in a meal on below deck so we've we've got Ben absolutely catastrophically failing to do a seafood extravaganza while with a guest who could not be pleased with literally anything you gave him in the world of seafood extravaganza. It's very confusing. Well, I'm glad that we do actually have tape rolling here because Ben would have thought he was insane. Right.

When there is lobster on the table, there is shrimp. And then when Brandon does. There's also a dragon fruit, though. Oh, yeah. So what are we doing? What's going on? What's going on? I love when Brandon pulls Ben aside.

He's like, hey, I just wanted to let you know I'm not a rabbit. Oh, power play, Brandon. Power play. You couldn't just say, hey, could we have more protein? Because that would have been the mature thing to do, but the power play that says he's lower than you is to make that little snipe remark there because that means that you're better than me. Yeah, I know.

It was really pathetic stuff from Brandon because it was this kind of like, you actually didn't get a second callback kind of performance of below-deck guest. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like he was doing his best to do it, but he was too non-committal and trepidacious to go all the way. Right. Because he doesn't live it. Yes.

Embrace the character. And also every really serious rich person I know are too terrified to look like a dick. Right. They overdo nice. Yeah. That's not all the way true for me. There's a lot of rich assholes out there. But if they're going to be an asshole,

they're going to be an asshole. Kalin, who's the person that did the paintings? Is it MC Escher? MC Escher. Thank you. Okay. So let's get to the meal, though. So we've got,

well, we should say that it's going to be a seafood extramanza with a Brooklynite who only eats burgers, which is just a perfect pairing in the culinary arts. So first up, we've got zucchini, which everyone knows that a good seafood extravaganza starts off with infomercial ribbons of zucchini. You know, one of those, hey, I'm a, I solicit trans prostitutes, and I'm here to sell you this gadget for only $39.99, which you can pay in 10 installments. But anyways, we start with that. Ben, we get to shrimp, okay. That's seafood.

And we've also got a Thai salad, some kind of salad with a vinaigret, and a fruit salad. And then we get, which is not seafood. Then we get lobster, which is seafood. Then we get a burger, which is not. Oh, then we get a sloppy, uh, fisherman's platter of, uh, heavily spiced local grouper or something. which looked disgusting. Seafood extravanzas are mostly raw bar. It's cold.

It's clean. It's shucked. There's no zucchini really ever. No. I'll say this about group or two. They're the marine version of the garbage trucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of the most horrifying memories I have is people throwing white bread into a dog.

with pods of carp. And it was like Werner Herzog describing a chicken. The stupidity behind the eyes is, it's like a black hole. If you dangled a loaf of bread in front of those fish, they jump on your boat, into your boat. That's how dumb they are. I've seen it happen, actually. All right.

So it doesn't matter to the primary that none of this, Well, the primary gives some great notes. He says, I love protein, but not fish. And I love seafood, but I'm not going to eat lobster. And the shrimp's okay, but this was not what I was hoping. And if you could just get us a burger, that would be great to round out the seafood extravaganza. Again, where are these stairs going? What's going on?

Zero bots. So Ben walks down after the dressing down, and he says these people, do not like fancy foods, like salads. Now we get some really cool slow-mo shots and then smash cut to what I thought was a magician's dinner. It was actually the seven deadly sins. No, no, no, seven-dly sins happens later. But this was like a bizarre cake thing. Then they went scuba diving.

And then Jason wears underwear of Brandon's face on it. This was the fast forward of an entire day. that we skip over. And then we get to the dinner, right? Then we get to day two, which begins with breakfast, where Brandon orders a bagel that takes an hour and a half to get to his table. I didn't get any of that. Oh, you didn't?

It was weird. The recording, I was like, what's going on? I can help. What's going on? I can help us through that. Okay. And Caitlin, just let us know if we're doing it too much. I think we'll do it probably 15 more times.

Okay. We'll let us know. Don't worry. We're going to hit this. That's the goal. That's the rule. Okay, so this was actually a very entertaining part of the show. So it's breakfast.

Brandon orders a bagel. Okay. And so Daisy goes down to the galley and says, I need a bagel. So they put the bagel in. The bagel comes out of the toaster, sits on a plate. Really quickly, do you think I should smoke the rest of this joint before I go to the ballot box? Yeah, man. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I couldn't figure out the punch things. I think I voted for a homeless guy for mayor. Yeah, just watch out, man. In L.A., they're pretty specific. They want your, they don't want your ID, but they want. want your signature to match, okay? You want your signature to match.

Okay, so they order that goddamn bagel, Brandon. It's done. It's sitting in the galley. The radios go dark for some reason for about 20 minutes. Ellie makes an effort to use the radio but realizes it's not getting to anybody, but she doesn't make any more effort at that. 45 minutes later, Daisy walks down and says, is that fucking bagel still sitting there? And Ellie says, I tried calling you.

She goes, why don't it? you fucking walk it up to him she's like i don't run this galley she's yeah you fucking bitch i cannot believe that i missed that oh it was delightful wow okay and uh i think then uh oh when ben went to take a shit so when he comes out he missed all that and then he's like what happened baby how long are your bowel movements i'm very quick yeah i'm like a girl i'm hot like like like fruity pebbles what's going on kaelin how long are yours 10 minutes. Okay.

In and out for me. I got too much work to do. Get in the comments, let us know how long yours are. I don't know how much time I have in this life. You know how they say, yeah, if you brush your teeth three times a day, that's like, it eats up like, I don't know, like 72 hours. I don't have that kind of time to spend. Over the course of your life?

No, over a year or something. What's going on? All right. Anyway, the bagel finally gets there. And Brandon says this is the best bagel I ever had. Anyway, dinner theme, seven deadly sins, seven courses. Where do they source the bagels on the Seychelles? Probably the same place where they got those cakes that we glossed over.

Store bought. Yeah, yeah. Same purveyors. You can get a store-bought cake. Brandon loved the store-bought cake. Store-bought cake, store-bought bagels. Fresh turkey, fresh dog meat. Mm-hmm.

You can use a coupon for pretty much anything. Oh! It's written. The coupons that you use around the seychelles are kind of like survivor icons. You know those, what do you call them? Get in the comments on us know. God, my sister would be losing her mind right now. The things you find where they make you safe. What are those called?

Don't look it up. Let's drive the fans crazy. Get in the comments. Okay. I've been at war with the Nudson Corporation because they don't fill enough jam in the double. Anyway, they mailed me. I was so excited because they mailed me a letter addressed to me. One fucking coupon for a single nudes and cottage cheese double.

And listen to PMZ. I sent them a strongly worded email threatening to boycott that company with all my legion of followers. And I am awaiting a response. And everyone should boycott nudeson cottage cheese because nudeson cottage cheese is fucking disgusting. Now, Nudson sour cream is among the most goaded. But Nudson cottage cheese is a snotty, disgusting mess. And I just wish more for you because there's a lot of great cottage cheese out there. Let's get to the seven deadly seeds.

I want to say this. You get in the comments, let us know your favorite cottage cheese. Are you a good person? Are you a Trader Joe's person? Well, I explain to them, Nudson, that they will send me two cases, strawberry or peach. I do not want pineapple. No, God. No.

48 hours. Pineapple and cottage cheese feels way to grandmother from Requiem for a dream. Way to mommy little helper kind of thing. You know what I mean? Right. I love this theme. I think this is the first time they've ever done the seven deadly sins. Yeah, I'm good with the theme. I don't, I was, I was less enthused with some of the packages. So we've got a little, um, each guest doing their own representation of, uh, seven deadly I believe that one of the women did greed and she just kind of pretended like she was cold, which was odd. What's going on?

And then we get to gluttony, no better than pizza face pat, right? Who starts shelling dollar bills, which was an interesting choice. That would be greed. That would be greed. You just eat, just eat. Just shove shit in your face, right? Shove those P.B and Js in your face. That's gluttony.

Haven't you seen that movie? I love seven. You're a dark guy. That's why you like that movie. Dark fella. All right. So first up, Octopus, aka Pride. Okay.

Okay. Now, because the first course is octopus and Gabagool, aka Pat, doesn't eat octopus. Ben's solution is to serve him. Nothing. Imagine, imagine for a moment. Imagine for a moment. You go to a prefix menu. Now, you've sent in ahead of time that you don't eat certain things. So you show up. And you just skip entire courses. They put plates down in front of the rest of the guests. And because you said you're a vegetarian, the meat dish will be for them and not for you. You can drink your drink. drink. Here's what I would have done. First course, when they get their octopus,

he gets chicken fingers. Right, right. Second course, mac and cheese. Exactly. Third course, an ice cream cone with chocolate swirl. Right. Right? Yeah, Ben at some point goes,

he doesn't even eat seven things, Ben. Ben, he eats seven things. Cut a PB&J into fours and course it out. Mozilla sticks. Come on. So anyways, pasta is up next. He does eat that. And the third course is, I believe, steak, which Patrick does not eat.

So again, he gets nothing. Now, he's pretty cool about just missing entire courses, but it's relayed back to Ben. Hey, this is insane. According to just common sense. And Ben's solution is to, now Ben's flipping out. He's going, I'm tired of people questioning my creative interpretation of my work. I'm going to serve him a pizza on a cake stand.

Now, Ellie goes, I think that's a bad idea. And he goes, what's the difference between a play to the cake stand? And Ellie says, what is up? Okay. All right. Next course is lamb chops with a pesto cream and a walnut crumble. Now, I don't know how you make pesto brown, but I know it is a sin. And Ben did it.

Okay. Dessert is a bonbon, a really, just a tragically awful final meal to round things out, 12 pots. We get to the next day. Next day. Breakfast and goodbye. Thank you for coming. Yeah.

There's, when does Jenna get her strikes? Right here. Okay. So Jenna gets her stripes back. Good for you, Boo, we knew it was coming. But Carmen says to the C rats,

you were the best charter I've ever had. Now, when I was watching this, I was very confused because it would seem to me like this was a day charter. So I wasn't, I was a little like, how could this be this meaningful? Right. Right.

I mean, even if it was two days, you could still question that. Yeah. They bought, they ate store bought cake. Even it was three days you could question that. four, five, any amount of time spent at the behest or at the mercy of these sea rats,

you could go, how the fuck is this, this important? So the tip was 34 grand. So whack that up. There was eight people there, right? Yeah. Okay. So what's eight and 34? Basically, $4,200 each.

$7,000. $400. Four grand each, let's say, right? Yeah. Per person. Two days. That's $2,000 each. You know, how much does a store?

bought cake. I don't know. I mean, back out 200 bucks if you ate the whole fucking thing yourself? Yeah, yeah. I don't know. You're in the whole what? It's too much. It's too much. All right. Let's get to the tip, meaning the tip is a big whopping

34, which will make it $235,000 for the whole season. That's some cheddar. Well, with inflation, it's not that much. And it's important that this is cut 50 different ways because the

Chernobyl people get this money too. Oh. I think. Maybe not. Let us know. I won't live long. What? Joow and Daisy.

Go on a date. Yeah. She tells us with Joao, she's not used to date night guys, nice guys. Don't worry, Daisy. You haven't broken your streak. Yeah.

No. You're in grave danger. She says, I guess, We'll see where it goes after the cameras are gone. Answer, nowhere. Cameras are gone. Yeah.

Right? Yeah. Yeah. It'd be so scary to see once the cameras are down, how the word cuddle is, how he interfaces with the word cuddle. Yeah. I don't know that he'd be that down when the cameras aren't rolling. I honestly, at this point,

don't understand why they can't have a 40-minute reunion. Me neither. I mean, it's, I think Andy has suffered or experienced the same challenges that we've experienced when trying to nail down sea rats. And I say that with all honesty. I know that he's Andy Cohen and we're us, but I still think these sea rats know, no figure, no, no nothing. Okay. So, yeah, it's a little tricky getting sea rats from fucking ones in mind. One's in, you know, whatever butthole place.

He's done it before. I know. We should do it. If fucking Southern Charm gets a three-part reunion, we can get one reunion. I think so. It's disrespectful. So we go on party. We actually go to kind of a swanky place and we get a toast from Batul, which was really

beautiful. She said, I'm going to do Only fans. I hate my parents. And they say, who are you? did. Jenna definitely did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who are you? Alicia gives a toast, too. She had problems with Jenna. What? What? I don't even. Alicia has been so off at sea. These little moments that we get of her are perfect. I think Alicia's so funny. Such a nutbag. This made no sense to me. And Alicia's favorite artist said that you can grow flowers. where dirt used to be. Now, that's such a derivative and meaningless

aphorism. I looked it up. I couldn't find because so many people have said it or something akin to it. Yeah, I was tough to pin down which artist, quote unquote. Now, we wrap in an odd way. We say goodbye to the goodbyes and Ellie gets handed a knife. As I mentioned, bad idea. What's she going to do with that?

You've learned a lot, babe. And that's why I'm giving you a knife and I'm telling you that I think that Sue Chef could be perfect for you in the future.

And then she holds the knife up and he goes, oh now. I don't know what. Right now, I think it's perfect. I would have said,

hold on now. Is anyone that we work with here? You're a sous chef. Don't tell anyone. Because he's seen in the, in the most heated moments in the kitchen,

things start to grow out of the back, the hips, the head. Other people haven't seen it. So I understand why he's so secure. I want to say this. We got to speak with the Balkan Biscuit, who is a lovely person,

maybe not under pressure. While I was gone? No, no, when we had our C-Rat-Con. Oh, yeah. And the Bulkin Biscuit has graduated from cooking school and has now followed that career path. I think, and we love Elie. It's fun to call her a violent space alien.

All right, we, that's the end of the season, I think, pretty much. C. Rats say, I love you to each other. I'm pretty sure it did not work out for. Daisy and Joelle. Yeah, Bravo hit us up and asked us if we want to interview Eddie. I don't think the barnacles want that. We can. We will talk to Bravo, PR, and get as many C-Rat interviews going as,

we possibly can. Love you guys all so much for supporting us and listening. Reminder, patreon.com slash another podcast network. The Summerhouse Reunion is part two and part three will be there along with Real Housewives of Rhode Island. We will be back next week with a brand new season. Is it next week or are they taking some time off? No time off. Yep. It's Wheel of Fortune. We'll be back. I love you. Pat and Kay and Robs for holding down the fort. Very happy to be back. state side and in the Pat cave. I'm Dylan saying goodbye.

Pat say goodbye. Later, dudes. Kalyn.