Another Below Deck Podcast - Will You Be My Girlfriend? | Below Deck Down Under S2 E15

Episode Date: September 8, 2023

Pat and Dylan are back to break down checking boxes, the tops of aluminum cans, club sandwiches, room number five, how we do things here and more from Bravo's Below Deck. Ad Free and Uncensored at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYoutube at https://www.youtube.com/@BadT.V.Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbachelorpodcast/

They are traveling with their closest friends for the ultimate girls trip. Not all their closest friends, right? What's that? Oh, Jesus. I interrupted you. Go ahead. Sorry.

Oh, hey, Pat. Ask him what he got. Celebrating two birthdays. Hey, what'd you get at Firehouse? Yeah, ask him what he got. What'd you get at Firehouse? Club on a sub. A club on a sub.

Club on a sub. Sorry. Yeah, it was pretty good. Okay. You were saying? One. A club on a sub. Sorry. Yeah. It was pretty good. Okay. You were saying? One guest is semi-kosher. Oh, Pat, ask him, do they put another piece of bread in there? Ask him if they put another piece.

Like a club? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kalen, I'm sorry. Do they split the bread like a typical club? Is there an extra piece of bread? Is there three layers to it? No, no there's not. A typical club. Is there three layers to it? Because that's a club. No, no there's not. Hi, hello and welcome to the second episode of the week.

It is another Below Deck Podcast show. I'm Dylan. I'm saddled up next to one Patrick Hickey. Permission to come aboard. Granted. Public service announcements. Love is blind. At patreon.com slash another podcast network. Season one coverage of Below Deck.

At patreon.com slash another podcast network. Lots of crazy stuff. Another podcast show. Sure, we really just gab and goof. We talked about your wife's disgusting hall pass list over the weekend. Oh, yeah. Her hall pass is Jonah Hill.

And Tom Hanks. And Chad Hanks. Which is the hall pass list of mentally unwell person. And I love Sheree, but that is disgusting. You're burying the lead, though. Yeah, you can listen to us talk about hall passes. By the way,

we had a challenge for all our listeners there over at patreon.com slash another podcast network. We wanted your hall passes, but we wanted your hall passes that aren't celebrities.

So you can feel it's a safe space in there. You can put in the comments section, you're anonymous, we don't know, you can put your little funny names in there. Yeah. Raccoon rider rider i want to sleep with

my neighbor yeah yeah and uh no one's gonna know who you're talking about circle of trust like robert de niro said and meet the parrots and then meet the fuckers and then the third one so we're here oh you're burying the league here more about say season one? No, no, I said that. Oh, you did? Okay. Adrienne from season one comes on our newest podcast and she talks some shit. Yeah, and we talked some shit too. I mean, it was a tough episode for her because it was an episode wherein she was titularly called out as being the devil. So she endured some tough questions from me and Pat. It was an interesting interview we learned about she gives it as good as she can take it or is it the opposite she takes

it as good as she can give it yeah she threw it back at us it was fun banter is the point i'm trying to make yeah yeah and i think we're going to conclude our season uh coverage of season one by having three people from the show wrap up the season with us. We'll attempt to, but they're sea rats. You never know with these sea rats. It's true. Speaking of, we have a crazy sea rat filled episode of Below Deck to get into. Pat, how did you feel about the second one of the week? Okay. I'm not going to lie. I really enjoyed watching the proposal to be a girlfriend thing. I think they called it tick the box.

Yeah. Will you marry me, girlfriend? Yeah, yeah. I was so confident that when he did this proposal that she would say no. I was very surprised with this. that she would say no. I was very surprised with this. Although I will say, and we'll get into the episode, despite her giving a verbal yes, and her head also said yes, but I think her heart and her vagina wanted to be on Mars,

but that's just me. Her vagina wanted to be on Mars. I didn't think she wanted any part of it, but then at the tail end of the episode, he has an ultimatum given to him. Hang out in jacuzzi with your six-pack and your funny hair or fuck me cross the threshold of door number five yeah yeah i think he chose correctly but i was shocked that he was given the uh the ultimatum god i think i think we just covered the entire episode no just that first four minutes okay uh oh and then and then, yeah, the end, too.

So pretty much the entire episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, that's the Oreo cookie. But we need to explore the filling inside made out of pig hooves. That's what this episode was. Okay, okay. Dylan, I touched on this on the last podcast that we did here. Just public service announcement.

Can fucking Confections and nabisco can you guys chill the fuck out please we do not need cold brew caramel m&ms we do not need oops it's mint and peanut butter oreos like what is go are these people on fucking acid at these companies there's nothing wrong with just peanut M&Ms. Driving me nuts, man. Who's buying Sprite Tic Tacs? I saw Sprite Tic Tacs the other day. I mean... Dylan, if you get hired at one of these companies under new product development, you got to come up with something. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking crazy. Hey, I got to call caitlin there's a preference sheet meeting in here and he's already on his way back we fucking did it again and you know what i planned for this

you did so i don't need to call him uh i kind of planned for what do you call all right let me call him um uh by the way uh i thought all right so here's the problem with this uh in most seasons of below deck uh you get around episode 14 15 and all the good stuff's out of the way, I thought, all right, so here's the problem with this in most seasons of Below Deck. You get around episode 14, 15, all the good stuff's out of the way. Margo didn't get fired for being a boozer. We already had all that other problematic stuff take place. A couple people have been fired, you know? Yeah.

I don't think Captain Hotpants has it in him to fire another person, especially this late in the charter season. Yeah, yeah. So I think we're going to just wind this down. Yeah, it's like Genghis Khan towards the end was like i've seen enough is that right yeah he uh it was a moral quandary towards the end that got him to stop uh beheading and raping people oh that's nice yeah yeah he's kind of like liar liar kind of figuring out a lesson in the end hey kalen um i'm telling you, we're going to get to the preference sheet meeting in like 10 minutes. Kalen, I'm telling you. Oh, he's in Firehouse Subs right now.

Oh, you're in Firehouse. You're at Firehouse. Yeah. Yeah, I'm at Firehouse. Oh, okay. Hey, Kalen, can you get that preference sheet meeting out of the way? We're going to call you back in like 10 minutes. Yeah, I'll load it up on my computer and I'll eat the car. All right. Sounds good.

I'll talk to you soon. All right. Bye, dude. Wow. Yeah, he should tell you no more often. He's done with work. He's at Firehouse Subs getting God knows what on a piece of bread and you're going to make him open up his computer. I didn't make him do anything. I asked him politely.

You're like Keith Ranieri to him. It's fucked up. I thought the episode was wonderful. I mentioned it last episode. It was all over the place. I apologize for that. And Private School Girl on this doc and the kind of Greek chorus of mockery surrounding this entire thing was fucking amazing. Absolutely amazing. uh sea rat decorum and custom this week in the bill coverage who gets the tab oh yes and culver like any good boyfriend of someone who is impossibly too hot for you uh would do he makes her pay and not just i have cash it's not just a hey they're coming early

tomorrow let's take it easy he gets he is almost um stuck with the um let's have eight coconut chili margarita nights. Like, this bill was... I'm excited to talk about this waitress, one of the pushiest people I've ever seen in my life. Well, she doesn't want him to run out on the bill, man. Oh, no, no, no. I'm just talking about the ordering. Right.

It's like, we're just going to send out one of everything, and can I get eight coconut spicy margaritas? Seven. I'll have a normal drink and not fucking toilet water with a habanero on the side of it. My God. No, I do not want that. But anyways, lots of crazy things ensue. Fun episode.

Four pots. So let's get into the entire whole thing we pick up with Tickbox Ultimatum. What's that spider you compared a schoolgirl to? She-Lab. Okay. I love that analogy, Dylan, and a lot of people that heard that in the podcast did as well. Yeah. What is at play for Jemay?

Just toying with food. Okay. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think.

There's got to be an end though. I think that there's something wrong with private school girl. Oh, okay. Obviously. I mean, there's something wrong with all of us, but of course.

Yeah. I think it's just tedium. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's tedium means to an end. It's tedium. It's proximity. It's there and it's toying with your food. It's like if Tom was always caught Jerry and and fucked him, you know,

that kind of circ circadian drive yeah it's a torment cat's paw yeah cat's paw mama jammas cat well anyway uh okay so we have to talk about yeah the whole thing so my favorite part of this is harry and and luca just taking the absolute piss out of them while they're doing this. There's so much camaraderie around how insane this is. Joao, he's like these crazy kids.

They're going to have such a happy two-week relationship. Luca's like, well, if she hasn't ticked the box, yeah. I mean, everyone is making fun of this because it's just fucking hilarious you know i i got um i got high i got stuck on the couch watching this and the danger of that is that if you are comatose into an apathetic and immovable state via um marijuana the remote

you know be at an inch or five feet away from you is too far to do anything with which means that coming up next is couch talk with captain lee and k chest ain't lee i watched lee break this down and and lee is just like i mean you can see how uncomfortable she is. Yeah. Why is this a show? Well, we know. Yeah. He's forcing her. Well, yeah. If you don't have enough Lee in your life, he's got a podcast now. Yeah.

We'll talk about that behind the paywall. So, Culver, we talked about it last episode. And I want to stop being so... We have a tough job because we don't talk about things on this podcast. We talk about people. So it gets a little messy sometimes. And saying something like Culver is too dumb to realize how inappropriate this is, is a mean thing to say.

But I do think it's his saving grace because i don't think he is aware of how uncomfortable he's making her you know he's not picking up on it at all i don't think that it's malicious i don't think that it's um kind of using people in any way i just think he's blissfully ignorant of how painfully awkward this is. I will say this, though. I'll give it to him. This is definitely cutting off Luca at the pass. He saw competition coming on the boat. Come on. You could feel it. It's palpable. He's a very attractive man. And clearly, Jemay was attracted to him. And I think this is Culver going, I'm edging you out.

Yeah. Locking it down. Well, we move on to the rest of the boat. Serena and Margot have an unbelievable... This is kind of, oddly enough, it's these little moments that are making me just fall in love with this show. You're talking about the real moment with... The true friendship of

these sea rats, I mean, it's beautiful. Zarina is very supportive because Margo basically cops to, yeah, I should have probably been fired because I'm on, I was drinking on the job. And then Zarina basically says,

Hey, look, we've all been there kind of thing. We're all fucking sea rats. But she also hears Margo go, you know, we're not allowed to drink on the boat. Zarina says,

what? No. I mean, you know, we're not allowed to drink on the boat. Zarina says, what? She goes, you know. I mean, the sense of humor on Zarina is just unbelievable. So many of them are so funny. I mean, Aisha gets so fucked up, man. How good is tofu? It's just unbelievable. Now, I will say one ding against Kermit uh and zarina kind of brings

it up in this conversation with margo because margo ships her and joelle right you know she's like why don't you guys you know get a room and whatnot yeah and then uh zarina reminds us that she's got a few things to contend with one being that kermit's pretty fucking judgy about yeah kermit's not happy about no no no no also, she'd be banging one of her friend's exes. That's problematic. Yeah, it is problematic. And most of these bowmances go nowhere. You know, DC rats have loved and lost and experienced this mostly lost.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah. So, yeah, all things are against this consummation of this little relationship. Yeah. I was going to say something awful, and I didn't, and I'm proud of myself. So that's not going to stop Serena, though. They're talking about being dolphins rubbing up against each other, and she rubs his cock.

Ah, yes. And that's because Smoothie is there um well she greets him tells him she's shaved uh she's ready to get in the jacuzzi tonight and then she rubs his balls um i want to say i feel so bad for women you have to be and of course you don't have to do anything right but um there's so much more surface area exposed um and those little spideys can pop out anywhere you have to take care of them you know and you don't have to do anything um but you know uh take it away take it away i mean take it away from you okay okay okay i love that zarina laid this on the table because guys we're dumb we're confused we don't know if it's go time are you into us you know all we know is kill and fuck well when a woman's telling you that she shaved and she's ready to get in a bikini and jacuzzi

i mean it's not a done deal but she wants you to go down on her you know when i was 14 i lost my virginity kelly uh i won't say her last name. I'm working the concession stand at Whalen Park. Yeah. And we've been dating for about two months, you know? And she walks up to me. Is this a personal story? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is how she told me it was go time.

Oh, really? She walks up to me. She hands me the fucking, what do you call this on a can? The tab? The tab. The tongue? The tap of any kind of aluminum can the the nipple of the can she hands it to me and i turn to my co-worker she walks off and smiles and i said uh what's this

me yeah and sully goes it means she wants to ah yeah yeah and that was in 1991 that was you went through a move on her and she was was like, what are you doing? I needed you to throw that away. No, I lost my virginity that night. Oh, cool. Anyway, some women will tell you when you will. They're giving you the green light, you know? And that's what Serena was doing.

I appreciate it. I love Serena. You know, we got to text a little bit or whatever this weekend. She says there's more exciting stuff to come in this season. I beg to differ. So Margo goes downstairs, and the three girls, private school girl Margo and Asha, all have a little powwow. And this is an example of three women who do not know each other well enough to help anyone.

Margot is reading the bizarre scratchings of Legoland. And Aisha is over the moon. Over the moon, that's how you describe it? Over the moon. Jemay private school girl, Shelob, is on the verge of tears. And Aisha is screaming. And Margo is thinking, I think she's on the verge of tears. And no one is really doing anything except this kind of faux congratulations

um over i don't know and i i wouldn't equate it to celebrating a diagnosis but it's not anything to celebrate yeah hey dill uh this is how i say amazing oh amazing how does kermit say amazing you know i you've you've done this to me again and um and she says it like this oh it's amazing and it's bad i don't i don't do a good kermit. Oh, no. And you keep fucking, you keep, you know. I thought you did a great job. Thanks. You want to talk about the vans and the girls concocting this game of sorts, which I thought it was going to be an exercise.

You see what just happened? You put me all up in my, listen, it's not a big deal. You do Kermit. No, I don't do Kermit no the only way we can do this we have to move forward I think everybody is happy that you did that because that was phenomenal

so yes we had to miss chief and that's the restaurant yeah I thought in the van the girls were going to like, hey, let's come up with all these questions to get to know our fellow sea rats better. Yeah.

No, no, no, no. We just want to learn about Luca more. Yeah, they wanted to learn about Luca because he's the fresh meat, and we get to miss Chief and meet the pushiest waitress of all time. And these people, you see these people a lot in Los Angeles.

I didn't mean to sound like Bill Maher there but i did these people these writers you don't deserve to make a living okay why don't you go call another sex worker and make her sign whatever and stay out of it. So this often happens in Los Angeles, and we've joked about it before the waitress who comes and asks if we're familiar with the way they do things here, which spoiler alert is reading off a menu, receiving the food, even the food and paying for the food. Exorbitant.

But these waiters and waitresses come up to you and they recommend Joey Chestnut amounts of food for the table and they're so nonchalant in this, that should be enough for everybody.

You have to have the courage to tell these people, we're not going to order a Mount Olympus of tapas here, okay? We're not going to turn this thing into a competitive eating show, okay? We're just trying to catch up with our friends in from New York. I don't want to shit my pants after this, but this waitress is of that breed. She comes out. She's like we're going to be sending out specials. We're

going to be sending out some of our favorites and we've got a new drink. It's a chili coconut margarita. Can I get you guys ate go away? She'd be the head trainer uh for wait staff at my restaurant dylan yeah yeah oh she's a damn good waitress yes yes damn good waitress but but you thought the same thing right uh those those drinks looked absolutely i i can't do the specialty cocktails they're so often

amiss I kind of enjoyed what's the word for it I enjoyed the forwardness of the waitress did I make you have an opinion on something you didn't have an opinion on well no I actually did have an opinion when you mentioned do you know how we do things here

one of my good buddies Sebastian who is famously featured in Kitchen Nightmares with the G-Man, he definitely could say that because he'd walk up to a table and say, do you know how we do things here? Okay, we got 22 flavors. You choose the flavor. You can either have it on French fries, a pizza,

a sandwich, or a salad. This is how we do things here. You can get chicken parma, veal parma, shrimp par here. You can get chicken pie, veal pie, or shrimp pie. You can have that protein on a bed of rice, a bed of greens, a bed of eggplant, lots of things. Just walk through it. And the G-man's like, I've never in my life. Sebastian, I've never had someone in my life that I believe in as little as i do you yeah dude the g man back in the day was was hitting below the belt a la sarah this evening and i can't believe we didn't talk about

this fucking gaggle of monsters that come aboard this vessel i'm kidding these girls get to them these girls are so fine these women are so fine i reached out to G we're going to get to the bottom of this relationship G's a nutbag but I mean Sarah went below the belt as Zara said that's fucking one of the meanest things I've ever heard anyone say to another person

we had to pick straws to see who would room with you shoot me with a god damn arrow don't say that be it barbed or otherwise don't say that um all right so we sit down and we ask lucas some questions to really get to know him um do you wax your balls is the first question for me uh are you single comes from Margo yikes little brutal to Harry.

What's the best thing to ever happen to you from Serena? What a question that is like I think you should leave kind of comment. What's the best thing to ever happen to you and the

Sigma Chi vibes are going up and down this table. He's like, uh, meeting all of you guys. And they're like, yeah! They're just having so much fun. I do want to say this. So drinks were drink. But the Sea Rats normally, and I always had a problem with this, like, guys, can't you just go out and have a fucking,

why do you have to not remember what took place the night before? Right? Well, the Sea Rats. Totally. But on this night, I think everybody kind of held it together. Yeah, I mean, listen, when you see a guy die and you see his friends not care and you see them tell you that he's in Melbourne,

you got to go out and drink that away. It needs to get filed into the subconscious quickly and dealt with at a later date. But we've got work to do. We've got people to fuck. The bill hits. It's a C-Rat tradition. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

One thing you missed is... Oh, the making out on the swing? Theina says don't embarrass me and then uh her and joel just start sucking face yeah kind of hot i think so don't embarrass me that's like that's essentially giving someone the nipple of a sprite can it's like well i'm about to make out with you yes that's cool uh so the bill hits and c-rat tradition like i said like any good boyfriend he makes the hottest girl he's ever been with in his life pay for the bill did you catch it he when he went up to talk to her about it she said fuck off yeah well he does the thing where he goes uh hey can i give you a little cash for that and she says

fuck off i i don't know if she's like intrigued by his there's this thing where of course he's drooling over her but he's not doting the way that i'm sure so many men have been to her and i I think she's probably intrigued by that. Yeah, he's playing it right, I'd say. No, I don't think he's playing anything. I just think he's doting. Unaware of his behavior. All right, so we've talked to a lot of sea rats.

And this is this, what do you call it? How they handle the bills. This is pretty much sea rat, like, why can't I think tonight yeah we've been talking for so long we've done many podcasts anyway this is normal every night or every time they go out a different sea rat will pay for it and the fact that it was his turn and then he fucking hides when the bill comes it's pretty slimy little slimy and also slimy from the rest of the sea rats and i think that's an indication of how they feel about Culver.

Like I said, I think this bill was probably bigger than other bills. A little more padded. And this is when Harry's like, hey, brother, it's your turn. You know, I don't know. I could be wrong. But they get in the car and Culver is mocked for having Jamie pay. The doghouse. And this is where he gets a little nasty.

Like, Culver is the odd man out in the camaraderie of the crew, I feel like, a little bit. I know he does as Keith Stone, but there's a truth to the revelry with the other sea rats that is not so with Jemay, private school girl and Culver. He's getting razzed as he should be razzed. And he says, Harry has a tough time reading women.

Now it's, it's funny, but it's also like kind of out of context cutting. Yeah. And Culver's not really laughing about it. He's just like in a defensive posture. And I was just like, oh God, we're having such a good time.

What the fuck, man? Yeah. You know, you got to pay for the bill. So we head back to the boat. Everyone is rat fucked. Aisha, chief among them. She is, I mean, Jemay comes up to her and she goes, hey, Aisha.

And Aisha's like, yeah. Can we come on the, if we put new sheets in room five, can we have sex in there and he's just like yeah jimmy's like great i'm gonna go make the bed asia just wants to eat cup of noodles and watch whatever traffic accident on twitter she's watching and go to sleep um she is a leader but private school girl is a little pissed she got the sheets in room five ready and culver is this is one of those things where he's not locked in on her the way that other men have he wants to party with the rest of everybody well he also

wants to play pretend with a character he stole from a key light commercial yeah from 12 years ago right you unoriginal bastard yeah yeah so he heads up for a little mullet and budgie time and jimmy uh is pissed off she gets in her bikini conceding to his desires to party in the jacuzzi and that's when he comes down and this is the most black widow moment where she's just like get in the room and i'm just like what is going on here there's like kind of a venomous thing am i am i putting too much onus on her? Well... It's just confusing because supermodel Culver, why so get in the room? We're all asking that same question, Dylan. Okay. Because your silence and my hesitancy is making me question whether or not I'm seeing the right thing.

Culver chooses door number five the correct choice sir yeah uh now i'm far more interested in uh yeah they finally hit it apparently four times but will they quit it now the next morning zerina appears to have uh buyer's remorse can i really quickly say quite a creepy cam that they got. Well, you know, you sign up for the show, you know they're going to watch you beat off, fuck, fart. Yeah, this was really intimate. I mean, they're really having sex with each other,

and they cut to some kind of goblin fish in the ocean. I don't understand. I get the bee pollinating the flower, but not some fucking deep sea alien. I don't know. It didn't make any sense the flower, but not some fucking deep sea alien. I don't know. It didn't make any sense. Anyways, go ahead. Oh, yeah, yeah.

So anyway, look, here's Zeran. I hope we can interview her. She said she'd come on. Do not this PR for this season? Oh, boy, am I not a fan. We don't like you. Get me back to... We are not supposed to say their names.

All right, so Zarina, it's not really discussed that much, but she does have a friend that dated this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, if you've moved on, people should get to do what they want to do, but seeing as there are 7 billion people on the planet, did you have to fuck the guy I dated? Well, Pat, I'll say it again.

They're sea rats. Fair enough. It's like, okay, I think this is apt. Who is that family that ate each other? Stuck in the Colorado mountains? Oh, wait. They ate each other in Colorado? Yeah, they got snowed in.

You're not talking about the soccer team that ate each other? Well, they ate each other, too. Let's call it the soccer team, right? They're getting a plane crash right they fucking hit somebody in the head with the stone they start eating his ass fucking haunches all that shit and it's only because they're in that group and and someone like you comes along and goes, hey, there are 7 billion people on this planet. Could you have eaten anybody else? And it's like, hey, listen, I'm fucking stuck on a boat with this guy.

I'm going to eat. Living in the here and now. Yeah, I'm going to eat his fucking quads. And he's circumcised, so that's a plus as well. Yeah. Although I feel like people who aren't circumcised get a bad rap. And I think if you watch porn, you realize that, you know, it's kind of cool. You know, it's like...

It's like a worm coming out of his lair, you know, every once in a while. so well you know no no i think it's like uh kind of like um there's like a chambering thing you can do that you can't do with our normal fucking cocks you know they robbed us of that oh i i'm looking at getting one put on i had a consultation with a guy i said said, can you make it look good? He was like, what do you mean? I was like, what do you mean, what do I mean? You know, you're not the right guy. And I walked out. Telehealth, too.

Very awkward. All right, so Harry is the cutest. He wakes up. He's like, I do not want to see the sunlight. I do not want to see the sunlight. And he's like, oh, my God, what a beautiful day. Joao and Zarina finally porked. What a time. Oh, Asia says that to hot captain in just the the ludicest, funniest way. What a team, what a time I have written down. What a team, what a. And it is time now to pluck that young man out of fire.

What is it called? Firehouse? Firehouse. Yeah, yeah. Firehouse subs. Firehouse subs. Is that the place that makes the gas station sandwiches, but you can just get them fresh there?

No, no, no, no, no. They make it fresh there, and they donate like 10% of the profits to fire departments around the country. Oh, great sweet deal before we get him uh caitlin on the blower a kermit reports to captain uh hot pants that jay and uh joao boned and i'm sure that needs to be noted in the boats manifesto alongside uh a guest almost dying uh crew member nearly killing everyone by dropping an anchor prematurely. That was weird. Oh, and Boson, fuck the chef. Yeah, it's like the guest book of horror.

Yeah. Here we go. I'm so happy that that company donates all that money to fire departments because they need it more than ever now. There's a lot of fires, and there are a lot of people who are running at people with access and they need to go help them. I agree. Hey, Kalen, it's time for the preference sheet.

Minute egg. What do you got for us? All right. Charta number eight. San Francisco-based co-primaries and longtime friends, Zara Robotham and Melissa Peroni. They are traveling with their closest friends for the ultimate girls trip. Not all their closest friends, right? What's that?

Oh, Jesus. I interrupted you. Go ahead. Sorry. Oh, hey, Pat. Celebrating two birthdays. Hey, what'd you get at Firehouse? Yeah, ask him what he got. What'd you get at Firehouse? Yeah, ask him what he got.

What'd you get at Firehouse? Club on a Sub. A Club on a Sub. Club on a Sub. Sorry. Yeah, it was pretty good. Okay. You were saying?

One guest is semi-kosher. Oh, Pat, ask him, do they put another piece of bread in there? Ask him if they put another piece. Like a club? Yeah, yeah'm sorry. Do they split the bread like a typical club? Is there an extra piece of bread? Is there three layers to it?

Because that's a club. No, no, there's not. Okay. I'm sorry. Go ahead. Yeah, one guest is semi-kosher, another doesn't like starch, and the third one doesn't like gluten. The semi-kosher, another doesn't like starch, and the third one doesn't like gluten.

Sheffy is annoyed at the dietary restrictions and just hates girls trips. Guests want a late lunch of high tea with a Mad Hatter theme. And second night dinner cuisine is up to the chef. But they want a neon glow decor theme, and the vet crew must dress as the thunder from down under. Can you ask him if it was chicken or turkey? That is your preference. Great job, Kalen. Is there chicken or turkey as the protein there?

Is there chicken? Oh, the girl that doesn't like a stutch also doesn't like chicken. No, I'm sorry. I'm a sandwich. The club and a sub. It's turkey. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm a sandwich. The club in a sub. It's turkey. Yeah, I thought it was turkey. So it's turkey, lettuce, tomato, bacon in a sub roll? Is that what it is?

Kalen, you did a great job in the preference sheet meeting, buddy. All right. Thanks, guys. All right, bye. Well, there you have it. G did not mention that she was lactose intolerant on that preference sheet meeting. That's not a club. I didn't even hear what was on it.

Does a club even have cheese on it? I guess it can have Swiss, right? I don't think a club has cheese. No, it's supposed to be bacon, lettuce, tomato, right? And then turkey. Or I think it's chicken, though. Yeah, and we're in California. They also add the avocado, man.

Yeah. Well, anyway. Margo is back in the laundry room, feel for her uh guests arrive harry tells us he's got a real knack for flirting with those old women uh that's because they want to hand you a lollipop and take it to disneyland you skinny little weirdo not sleep with you seeing this on instagram a lot people doing these chopped sandwiches ah People really have no notion of what things are. Not anymore. We're a balking convention, Dylan. Today I'm going to be making a BLT.

I chopped up some lettuce, some tomatoes, some bacon. I threw in some olives, some onions, some pepperoncinis, and put some honey mustard on there. I'm just like, we're doing something else here. And I don't know why this has 500,000 likes because we're doing something else. I got to get off the internet. Just period.

It's not good for you. You're not on the internet. You're not on the internet. You're just on the Jeopardy app. I don't do it. I don't do any of that. I'm a pretty happy guy, man. Hey, the guests arrive, you know? Do you know that Hot Pants tells the guests

they look fantastic? Yeah. I don't think you need to say that, Hot Pants. Oh, really? No. You're the captain. You don't think you need to say that, hot pants. Oh, really? No. You're the captain. You don't need to comment on how people look. You drive a boat.

I didn't think that a private school girl needed to tell Margo she was going to be doing a lot of steaming. That was a little brutal. But cute plates get dropped. Margo has no clue what kosher is. She's like, this one I think is slaughtered properly or something. I don't know what you Jews eat. To be fair though,

neither does Asha and neither do I really. I don't know what the fuck kosher is. You can have cheese here. You can't have the cheese touch this here. I mean, there's lots of rules. But that charcuterie is a charcuterie for the gods that is laid out. Oh,

the platters are magnificent. But not gods that are lactose intolerant. No. and there's a lot of cheese g g starts with it um already and and to be fair to g the women go in on g um but g is kind of a magnet for abuse because g is out of her fucking mind. G is talking about how she took her pill and she's talking about her lactose intolerancy or her lactose intolerance as though it is something that needs to be talked about more than zero times. Yeah. Just shut up about it, right? Right.

Because nobody really cares. You've talked about this pill like four times. Now, Dylan, something's occurring here that is becoming a theme in the Below Deck kind of franchise. Yeah. Which is people are coming on the boats, and they're not actually a group of friends. Yeah. They're someone that could afford eighteen thousand dollars and are willing to be filmed there's someone who the other people on the

boat had to avoid the punishment of staying with that's not a friend no No, no, no, no. Yeah, that's not a friend. I got to talk to G or I got to talk to Sarah. Well, the lactose intolerance stuff is going to be an issue when we get to high T. Because there's clotted cream, there's finger sandwiches, I don't know, there's cream cheese on that. You know, G's got to walk through a minefield. which is, I don't know, there's cream cheese on that. You know, G's got to walk through a minefield. Before we sit down, the women are beginning with their vulture-like descending upon the men. I was going to say this high tea hour,

this event looks more like a fucking mixer for singles than it does a work environment. I was fearing a role reversal segment tonight from you. Are we getting that? No, not really. Yeah, yeah. Right. No, no.

The difference is like... The men are willing participants in this. They're willing participants. Now, that doesn't mean that the women have to treat their palms as platters for Harry's testicles. But, you know, there is a difference in that Harry could teep-kick this drunk divorcee over the boat if he wanted to. So that's why it's different.

But, you know, like Aisha said, we went way over the line, but we're not there yet. We are at high tea. We cut to Jemay. She says, I think the Mad Hatter is from alan and wonderland or is that the tin man um this is i i i don't think it's okay you know what i mean all right when you say that are you referring to g bringing this up sarah and shoshana and also i forget that i'm referring to G bringing this up, Sarah and Shoshana, and also I forget there was a third one.

I'm referring to Jamie not having any fucking idea what's going on in Alice in Wonderland or Wizard of Oz. It's just a little nuts to me. They're so... Maybe Australia is different. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. Maybe they have their own things over there. Yeah, they probably got their own things.

And, you know, maybe it was my Jewish grandma or something. I don't know. I think everybody should probably know that it's not Alan in Wonderland. High tea. We've got macarons, scones, clotted cream, finger sandwiches, a lovely looking quiche. I feel like this might be wasted on these ladies. Do

Americans get whether a high tea is a seven or a nine? I just, I don't know. The whole thing looked beautiful. I mean, our fans from England have been. They complimented. They were falling over themselves over it. They loved it.

Yeah. Luca is dressed up in the Matt Hatter costume. Serena says, I'm oddly attracted to you right now. Serena, you had sex like five times last night. What are you doing doing this right now? It's completely unnecessary. Just fall in love with Joao. I ship you guys.

So the fight begins. G is being careful about the dairy once again. And Cho says, you're eating the cheese right now. G pipes up in, to quote the other primary's description of her, kind of a cunty way. She says, I know my body. Thank you. Thank you. You don't need to she says i know my body thank you thank you you don't need to speak to me about my body i really know it and this is when the women get pissed

now no one needs to tell g sarah that they were all talking about how they hate you but also why are you bringing up that you're gonna have diarrhea if you have a pharmaceutical fix to the problem just you take the pill and let's talk about anything other than your diarrhea now to be fair to g uh i believe she mentioned it once or twice and she was just checking in with chef zarina and that's when it seems like she got ganged up on quite honestly yeah but checking in with Jeff Zarina it doesn't make any sense she's like I just want to let you know I'm lactose intolerant but I have a pill to fix the the the issue that I'm having so let's just have a conversation conversation about what you said you had the pill what are we talking about oh mix in

uh you know four mimosas on the boat yeah it's in four mimosas before you got on the boat uh self-obsession. Yeah, yeah. Things get a little crazy fast. Look, and I'll say this. Kermit nails it. This isn't an argument about having diarrhea. It's bigger than the lactose.

Yeah, it's bigger than the lactose. So we miss the beach, unfortunately, because of the fight. The moon is high in the sky, and the guests head out for a little rallying. We're blackout in the jacuzzi, and that's when hot ass comes out. Good on him. They ask him to go to dinner and he goes, absolutely not. You know what would happen if that man sat down at that dinner table?

100% someone would have reached under the table to try to grab his balls, grab his dick or something, rub the inside of his thigh. Something would have happened. At least a thigh rub. And he doesn't deserve that. No, no, no.

He's trying to just be up in the crow's nest in a Hawaiian shirt, looking out onto the dark blackness of the open ocean. He's got a job to do. So, Jiao and Serena have a chat about their relationship. Oh, I thought this was cute. He asked her out on a dinner date. I think is adorable i'm so happy for them they are sea rats so who knows if they're going to last except for everybody but um this was cute uh let's get to dinner and a table full of sexual harassment uh lucky for harry you know and the guys like i mentioned they can stiff arm not only are

they soft targets already but they're absolutely shit face so no real harm is going to be done but again uh one of them just starts smacking them in the ass and well don't forget that sarah she wanted sea balls on her face yeah yeah yeah and and Luke is like they're talking about getting fucking bottles in their face and I'm like what are we doing here but the other one bends over again I don't mean to allude to the child who was taken over by a demon

Emily Rose but she kind of back bends and walks like a spider underneath the table so that she can get close to the testicles. Now, she starts in a kind of hieroglyphic kind of Egyptian wall painting kind of going like this to their balls.

Lady Justice, I'd describe. Sure, yeah, but not blind and actually looking at the cocks and sticking her tongue out and mimicking licking their nipples. So less dignified, but more fun. Really good time. Really good time.

The boys come out. Animalism is up next. Oh, yeah, yeah. This is Caligula type stuff. The boys escape safely, and we head to next week's episode where we're going to have Margot ask to be third stew again. We're going to have...

Harry stepping in inappropriately, per Kermit, about recommending that she not be in the room of the doom. Oh, God, why can't I fucking talk? The doom and gloom of the laundry room. Now, who knows? Somebody might die next week. Maybe they just are slow playing it or burying the lead. But it does look like a pretty boring episode.

Hopefully it's not. It probably won't be because this crew is so amazing. We've had such a good time breaking the season down. Love for listening join us at patreon.com for season one join us at patreon.com for love is blind uh we love you guys very much i'm dylan saying goodbye pat say goodbye Thank you.