Kill James Bond! - Yet Another Cig Break | Below Deck Med S7 E2

Episode Date: July 19, 2022

Dylan, Nick and Pat are back to talk about the importance of air conditioning, cold fronts, cig breaks, various different powers, gay cinema, witches, tips, Vueve and much more Bravo's Below Deck. Subscribe to our Patreon for our coverage of Below Deck Down Under, Below Deck Sailing Yacht seasons 1 & 2 AND Love is Blind Season 2.  https://patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetworkVideo of this episode here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpgRn46VevjnBrp5A4tgiqw?sub_confirmation=1

Espresso martinis are poured and we get to our evening meal. Dave is trying to make up for last night. He is from Sussex and because of that neighborhood and how often he was bullied, he fights for everything in his life. Except for his balls when his girlfriend tells him not to say anything. Good one. Where are the balls, Dave? Oh, they're tucked up

in my body. I don't have balls. Oh, I thought you fought for everything. Okay, guess not those things. Anyway. He liked his secret just like you, Pat, right?

Right, right. You have balls, right? Welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck Podcast. My name is Dylan. I'm saddled up next to one real Nicholas Davis. Ahoy, matey! The podcast is over there behind my glasses. Permission to come aboard. Permission granted and PSAs now.

Okay. Unbelievable live show last night. We want to thank KKC for having us at the Irvine Improv. We want to thank all of our fans who showed up. Maya Culpa. I need to get better at interacting with fans. I'm just I feel so bad about how shitty I am atpa. I need to get better at interacting with fans. I'm just, I feel so bad about how shitty I am at it.

I didn't say goodbye to Megan or Ashley. I just feel like a dick. We gotta get better at this. That's why you have a guy like me, a good friend like me, Dylan, because when you leave and it's awkward, I explain away all that horrible behavior that you exhibited.

I said, he's just weird, but that's Dylan. Right. I appreciate that. And they said, we understand. But I do have to's just weird, but that's Dylan. Right. I appreciate that. And they said, we understand. But I do have to get better. So thank you guys for coming out, and thank you, Kate Casey, for having us. Go listen to her podcast, because it's unbelievable,

Reality Life with Kate Casey. It's really fun. She does this thing where if you're trying to pitch it to a friend of a podcast, she interviews directors and producers of all these great documentaries and all these shows. You'd be like, I don't know.

What if I haven't seen the dog? She gets you into it. And then once you listen to her podcast, you're like, I got to go watch this fucking thing. Yeah. Like if you saw that documentary with Kristen Chenoweth about all those murders that happened in the camp that she didn't go to.

Yeah. You'd be like, who made this? And she talks to the person. Maybe that's a bad sell. Yeah. That was a horrible dog. That was a bad. I yelled at kate for that how dare you recommend that so uh listen to kate reality life with kate casey but that's enough promo for us let's go back to us

after in concert with the live show you can listen to us our first ever road trip podcast to and from the irvine improv only on patreon.com slash another podcast network our patreon exclusive episode of another podcast show that was fun stuff and i think we might even release the live show oh really i i think if we get it from kate on patreon well that was a super fun uh experiment we uh we had an hour and a half one way in an hour back. We potted during that time. So you can hear us talk about zombies. You can hear us talk about people who are driving like assholes on the road.

You can hear us talk about Jersey Mike's and Maximo Maximo. Maybe. Yes. The striped horse. You can hear us debrief the entire thing. And my wife is also in the car. So go to patron. Hey,

that person that I attack in the second part of the episode, can we make sure and bleep her name out? I don't want to get in trouble, you know? Yeah. I mean, it's probably bad form. Anybody who has an inkling of suspicion could definitely find it out. But we'll bleep it for you, brother. So go to patreon.com for ad-free versions of this show.

Love you guys very much. Let's get into Below Deck mad episode two season seven how do we feel pat uh go to nick first pots nots nick it was okay i think this season's gonna be really good there's gonna be some some boatman's drama that's already gonna be uh getting real messy we start start start to see the cracks at the end of the episode. But this episode in itself, really not for me. I don't know. Just not a lot happened. Maybe it was better.

I can't remember it right now, but I have pretty good notes, so we'll get into it. 72 knots. Same sentiment over here, pal. I don't remember what I watched, but I think it was okay. When did you watch this? Why did this spring upon you so suddenly that we were doing these thoughts and pots and you're like oh i don't know what happened tuesday yeah i watched yeah because my week was so packed right we had a

packed week actually i watched it on monday night oh that's why okay yeah well um hold on um you're you're so right you didn't even give the pots and I was literally just about to do or even thoughts okay so the episode kind of went out with a whimper now you know

I'm slowly falling in love with uh is it Natasha or Natalia screw up Natasha Chief Stu okay I really like this girl

Natalia is the Pornhub stepsister that's right why do I have to do that it's alright dude they know what we're selling here you know

but that's not what we're selling we're selling wholesome recaps of bravo's below deck mag go ahead you're right you're right okay so um you know i got a little crush on her i'm not gonna lie right but her behavior at the tail end of this episode was spooky i was like oh and then it i'm not i want to get ahead of myself but she's a cheater and she's trying to hide that while simultaneously being on a tv show i hate to judge you know uh what is that glass houses shouldn't throw stones and i certainly have a glass house yeah the glass houses shouldn't throw stones and um i completely agree with you i was honestly fear-stricken by her what had been going on the amount of control she had over this man with the affability on the outside i was just like what kind of monster are we watching here but

you know what we'll see it was a tbc end card no scenes from next week what's going to happen i'll conclude here natasha i know it's only episode two a big fan uh but after this last episode i'll be keeping an eye on you so uh how many pots four i thought it was four pots too um but much more than that because there's so much good ray gun stuff fifth element um that's true she's just unbelievably fun we saw her whip out her superpower a couple times tonight that was always fun and she was winning um it's so crazy though how i just can't understand what anybody's saying i know i can't no clue i can't understand what anybody's saying and i don't think the people who work on the boat can really understand what they're saying either.

Regan will say things to her deck team, and I swear to God they're looking at her like, I have no idea what you just said, but it doesn't matter because I'm just putting a skidoo away. So, yeah, you go have a cig, and I'm going to pretend like I understood what you just said. You go have a cig, and I'm going to pretend like I understood what you just said. But, yeah, I said more than four pots, and I mean it. 84 pots. I thought this was a pretty good episode. But we have to start off on kind of a sour note.

We are perilously close to copyright infringement, IP theft, straight out of the gate. The title of this second episode of this seventh season is I've Got a Secret. How many times did you look at that and thought it said Sea Rat? It's a hyphen and a C away from one of the most, you know, important things we say on this show. And an E-B-N-A. Hey, Del, not a lot of people know this about me, but I love a secret. Not a lot of people know this about me, but I love a secret.

I like having information and keeping it and not telling it to anybody. It's a real power move, you know? I did know that about you. My skin hurts right now because of how, like, my skin hurts. Your sex in the city meets 48 laws of power, and it makes my skin hurt. Miranda meets Robert Greene. Nick, watch me do this, Adele.

I have a secret about Nick that he asked me not to share about you. Couldn't care less. Really. Couldn't care less. Really? Couldn't care less. I care. Let me try this the other way. Yeah. Nick Dill told me something about you.

It's a secret. What'd that son of a bitch say about me? Yeah. Tell me. I'll do anything. What do you want? That's the fun of secrets. Do you want me to take your Uber shifts? This really does not.

I'll install some pods for you. This does not work for people who know each other really well. All right. What did he say? Last we left off, the stabilizers had failed, which is a very Buzz Lightyear thing to say. This turns the hybrid vessel home into Captain Glenn's vessel at its best. But people do not pay $60,000 a day to almost be thrown overboard

like they do on below Deck Sailing Yacht. This is mad. I'm gonna I'm gonna don the TFC real early in the season. Well I guess I did last week too but I think coming off the heels of what I think Bravo would consider the most successful season ever of Below Deck and their franchise. It may not have had the highest ratings but it's its third spinoff and it was going over a million. I think they thought, what made that show so successful? And those idiots were like, probably stuff tipping over and crashing.

So production was the one that cut the thrusters. Love it. Oh, no, all they had to do was just, it's all computers, dude. Turn on the AC. Yeah, it's all computers, dude. So let's get into the mechanical the how how like the mechanical components of this boat which make absolutely if i may dylan one one thing that i did note with this whole uh

obviously i realized you can really probably be fucking killed on one of these things you know but the second thing that i noticed is as it happened and then it it kind of fixed itself or what happened i was watching these fucking sea rats and did you notice obviously they're sea rats they have been subjected to such early trauma in their lives that nearly being killed when they don't get killed they just hop right back into place and just continue to work like nothing happened start shop backing and yeah they're professional sea rats unbelievable yeah and we're gonna talk a lot of shit about Reagan. I don't think she's going to make it very far through the season. But boy, did she snap into action and give her superpower. I think she was really the one that helped stabilize this boat with that cigarette early on.

Yeah, the smoke wins every single time. I love to quote Sandy. You want to talk about somebody who springs into action here. I mean, Sandy says, you know, when this kind of thing happens, it's very dangerous. Quote, someone could fall over and bop their head. So I love her problem solving in this moment. She just keeps getting on her walkie going, it's not working. It keeps saying it's not working.

And then we learn some pretty crazy stuff about the mechanical components about the vessel home. The entire boat runs off of the air conditioning system, so if one goes out, we're fucked. Now, so many questions about this, and I don't know a ton about how to bake a boat, but this seems like quite a blind spot in the design. I haven't seen a design flaw like this since Apple

made it so you can't use the mouse when you charge it. You've got to flip it upside down and plug in the Bluetooth mouse. That's why you've got to get the trackpad. It's so expensive, but it's the life changer. I think I'm buying what you're selling. The one terrifying aspect about this whole

issue with the boat and how they resolve the issue was essentially equivalent to when your computer gets frozen you turn it off and turn it back on sure no i need this fix i need like wrenches and hammers involved to feel safe right right no this is a new vessel though this is 2022 and this is home but um i was also very confused about what um sandy after she was told about why the failure happened said um we need a cold front what because she was saying this work it's too hot i think she was saying it was too hot so the temperature needs to cool down so they don't have to use the ac to keep having the thrusters go out because the overrunning of the AC is what's connected.

It's like what happens in this room with the computer. It's too hot. But I'm also – I'm no meteorologist, but I'm pretty sure a cold front doesn't necessarily mean cold coming in. It's like a cold airstream which can cause like storms and shit, but it doesn't necessarily mean cold air. Right. So you would rather – I should be a meteorologist. Yeah, Dallas rains, Davis. You... Davis rains.

So she should have just gone like, we need the sun to go down. Yeah. We need it to get cooler. It's going to be a long charter season if that's how you're going to solve problems. So the interior whips into shape, cleaning up all the broken glass, and Reagan, like we mentioned, takes a sig break.

Captain Sandy heads up to tell the paying guests what happened. And it's an accurate kind of recounting. But there's no levity or ice breaking or optimism. She's just like, this is what happened. Very sorry. You almost bonked your head. Also, the slide is still in customs. We don't have it.

Have a good day. And there's also just like, what fuck there's no solution offered like basically she just told him the vessel you're on is incredibly unsafe because of this design flaw there's nothing we can do to prevent it so ever we cross our fingers but try to enjoy yourself and uh also the slides still in customs uh because i found my pills folded up. I should stop. I should stop. But it's just like, what was she on in that cameo? She was just on something in that cameo.

I'm absolutely shocked we haven't been dinged on a negative review of making fun of this woman's sobriety. I'd say she falls off the wagon every other weekend. It's honestly uncouth of mine. I gotta stop. It's uncouth. It's uncouth. No, Nick, Nick, trust me. We've been a sieve, and anybody that liked her is gone. That's true.

That's true. For a long time in our Below Deck Facebook group, another Below Deck podcast Facebook group, one of the questions was, Sandy or Lee? And people were like, can I pick neither? Almost unanimously. We have found our Below Deck people. And they're haters. It's so nice

glenn was in that question it would be a land slot that's usually what now or started to happen people will be can i pick glenn right but now i changed the questions and i just it's a big advertisement for our patreon right right right it's like if you were trying to get into a high and magic the gathering selling community and they were like, you know, Rhystic Study or S for Sentinel. You'd be like, ugh, I don't like that stuff. You're like, yeah. So I'm fucking so sorry about that. So the $4 per pod Nespresso's are wiped up,

and we hear of Natasha's harrowing experience in 2019. Take it away, either one of you. Oh, sure, uh she uh apparently nearly escaped uh death on a boat that tipped kind of on its side four feet from the dock did you say kind of on its side it tipped it tipped a little look you know i i don't like to judge people in their stories i mean your trauma is your trauma right who might your trauma is your trauma your truth is your truth. I don't want to diminish the accident,

but it certainly wasn't Sully Lynn and that plane on the Hudson. You know what I mean? Well, but it was pretty intense. When I saw that, I was like, how would one go about fixing that issue? So we've got the Titanic flipped on its side in the middle of the dock

where that boat needs to move and other boats need to come in. But also, before we get there, how do we get it back up on its belly? Just a bunch of cranes? Yep. They put like chains underneath it and they just lift it up out of the water. It's crazy to think how much larger their Titanic was than these yachts. Big, big boat.

I got to look it up. Big boat fall hard. All right. So Sandy heads down to check in on everyone. They say it's fine. We're sea rats. The toys get out in the water six and a half hours late, and we proceed with the vacation to, what is this?

Sex fantasies, Walmart reality? Is that what the guy said? Anyways, ooh kind of moment from Natasha here. Indiana walks below deck, and Natasha says to herself, but just loud enough for someone to ask for a repeat, I've been too shy with the men around here. He was 18 inches away from her. That was crazy.

What? I was just talking to myself. What is going on with you, Natasha? She's just such a bubbly and bright person. Party girl, too. That's why she's doing this. So Nate. No, his name is not Nate.

Dave. Here's all this. And his ears perk up. He is then seen sighing. But I can't help but feel. And we have to take the reality at reality's terms or on reality's terms but i feel like we had some some frankenbite shit going on here um i like i like to believe it was real because he did make that snide comment about switching with jason later

but even true even if it wasn't uh i i still think he's getting a little bit jealous, and it's crazy how fast my opinion of this man changed. In the first episode, he was nailing the hottest person on the boat. He's a thrill seeker. He risks his life repelling and doing all these crazy things, but now he's turned into a Wes-esque simp bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy. He's really getting simped by her.

It's making me sad. You're cooler in that, man. Look at your abs. I'm so confused. It's crazy. He's really getting sent by her. It's making me sad. You're cooler in that, man. Look at your abs. I'm so confused about her powers. Pussy power. No, can you not? Dude, I mean, how else would you explain it? I guess, but I agree.

I mean, her evilness, you kept talking about how you had a crush on her, but wow, she was pretty mean. It's only making me more attracted to's a witch yeah yeah maleficent she's a witch so um before we move on let's take a quick break to talk about these wonderful sponsors you guys got a prom you're all pimply and stuff like that when you have a bunch of like anxiety and stuff about that i basically this is gonna ruin the ad but i've never had pimples basically my entire life except one here or there. I have to have some sugar. We've all, except for Nick, had our struggles with our skin, and that's why we're excited to partner with Apostrophe, the sponsor of this episode.

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Yeah, well, she doesn't share the same passion as many of us. And you'll get your first visit for only $5. Her passion is cleaning piss off the toilet seat. Two each is your own, girlfriend. Yeah, yeah. Two each is your own. Two each is your own. Hey, and we thank apostrophe for sponsoring the podcast. I was going to say good but then he stopped so

we have to move on to strong cucumber drinks and Reagan being a bit of an indecipherable dickhead she says maybe if you didn't have your I can't do it I just can't speak the way she's from SAX Maybe if you didn't have your private eye. I can't do it.

I just can't speak the way she... She's from Essex. She don't slap. She don't slap. She's from Fifth Avenue. She doesn't really... In the course of an episode, I don't know anything that she says. She says,

Maybe if you drink or something. I can't do it. Smoke break. Smoke break. So, a comedy of errors ensues. A can't do it. Smoke break. Smoke break. So a comedy of errors ensues. A storm throws a rope. It does not get to Reagan.

Reagan then lights up a cig, and Jason jumps in the water to save the day. She says we need to figure out a way to do this. What she did there when she lit up that cigarette, that's a smoke signal for Jason to come, once again employing it good point incredibly she has superpowers uh but yeah she goes we need to figure out a way to do this which is like such a funny thing to say was this the thing where uh z was on the dock trying to figure out what her what she was doing and what her management style is yeah and also what she's saying um but z says uh i know how we just put the middle one in and then we tie that one on there and And I don't see red shit.

By the way, if Z was asking me, what are Ray Gunn's management style? It's called Checked Out Siggy Tide. Yeah. Episode title, maybe. So Z tells her how to do it, and she says, I know. Let's move on. So meanwhile. Meanwhile.

Meanwhile, Tasha and Dave have a little heartbreaking flirtation session this is where he says why don't you go talk to dave or jason sorry it's new i don't know their name second day of school think about him as opposed to indiana indiana indiana jones whoa wow i'm malfunctioning i don't know if i got three shows in me. It's Indiana J. Indiana J. Yeah. Oh, that's funny. Yeah.

Okay. I like that. Indiana J. Okay. I like that. Okay. So, had we... And Kyle can be Round Eye. Or what's his name?

No, that's definitely not his name. Yeah, don't get us in trouble. We move on to speak of... What's a kid's name in Indiana Jones? It's that. Is it Round Eye? Yeah. The Asian kid's name is Round Eye?

Yeah. But that's what they call us. Either that or Short Run. Short Round. Short Round. Yeah. It's been a while. It's not Short Round.

It's not? It's definitely not Round Eye. Well, let's just say this, Gino, for our sensitive ear listeners out there, we definitely don't condone whatever the hell it was. Round eye? Well, let's just say this, Gino, for our sensitive ear listeners out there. We definitely don't condone whatever the hell it was. Well, if it was short round, then go for it. You know, I'm very confused by this.

It's a different time. We speak of threesomes. Short round. Yeah, short round's fine. Oh, we're good with that. Yeah, it definitely wasn't round eye. All right, so we speak of threesomes. Dr. Jones! Okay, so you didn't need to do that. that yeah it definitely wasn't round eye oh all right so we speak of threesomes dr jones okay so you didn't need to do that we were on our way out that was a great and they were choppy fucking

waters short round uh incredible role in everything everywhere all at once yes incredible role so we get to uh threesome talk uh with storm natalia and kyle i love all three of these freaking goofballs they're just day one just talking about fucking and just so cash about it too really fun stuff we uh storm has who is the lethargo fluid had he had a mustache too uh nope uh had mental problems after leaving the season jack nope but he was blonde had a mustache too uh nope uh had mental problems after leaving the season jack nope but he was blonde had a mustache yeah yeah we know who you're talking about yeah they're very similar like sexually fluid willing to do anything i'll fuck kyle so he can get in the girl's pants right right right what was his name jack it's not jack so fifth element continues

to be as close as useless as possible almost worse than useless though because she is like problem creation with a really bad addiction to nicotine she doesn't just not do anything she makes things more difficult one because she's bad at managing people and also you can't just can't understand what she's saying. Jake, you're so close. Jake. So, Ray Gunn continues. Already said that. She just says a lot of nonsense. It takes a lot of breaks. We should move on.

Kyle. Kyle crushing with the LGBTQ guests. And I mean crushing. He is saving this charter. He is just killing it with them i mean how about that admission that he came out last year yes very supportive because no one that has ever known him didn't know he was gay yeah ever just last year when he let him know yeah with like if i met kyle before he'd come out i'd be like were you like a varsity quarterback or

something like did you just like i am blown away right now, Kyle. You are so masculine. It's wild. Wait, you're telling me you're gay. Yeah. Mind fucking blown. Mind fucking blown. Mind blown, Kyle.

So Storm is going to be the bosun in, let's set the over under at three episodes. This is a little late, but you talked about glass houses earlier. He said glass houses throw stones. Yeah, Kyle was in a glass closet. We could all see, even though he was in there. I love that. Yeah, yeah. Love that.

So over under, storm to be bosun in three episodes. What's the wager? I don't want to wait. You know what? I'll wager that that's not going to happen. I mean, what's your bet? You're going over. Ray Gunn is not going to be fired.

Wow. I'll take that. This is just the initial storyline, and then we'll forget all about it. She'll still be taking a lot of smoke, ciggy breaks, but she won't nearly look as incompetent as she does now. Interesting. Interesting. What was your bet?

My bet is going to be under and... Three episodes. Of her getting fired? Yeah, I'll take the over. Okay, mine's going to be under just because... Well, you already lost that because we're at two episodes. She hasn't been fired.

You can only push at this point. No, no, no. I'm saying in three episodes. Oh, got you. Episode five. Episode five. I will still take the over. Well, my thing is,

I think we're understating the incompetence of Ray Gunn. And if she is to be fired in under three episodes, it will really, really demonstrate a gross negligence on her part and on Captain Sandy's part because this show is built up

on the back of mediocrity. And there are people who stay on this show for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks. And it is just in plain view how horrible they are at their job. I mean, the pigeon spaz lasted an entire fucking season. How about a Russian spy? She had to make the miscalculation of making nachos in a microwave right to finally uh put the sword through her no sandy you just made the case that she's not going anywhere captain sandy doesn't like to be uncomfortable and fire people and she has to be pushed into it because a crew member was

hopped up on valium and weed right and she'd get in trouble herself if she didn't fire her it'd be a dereliction of duty leave for all his faults he'd be happy to send her home with a one-way ticket on the Lee Express or whatever the fuck it's called. Right after he fucking tucked into her ass. So let's move on. With his tongue. Why did you have to do that? So we hatch a fun plan. Why did you have to say that?

It sounded like he was b******. What do you mean? He eats ass. That's his thing. And then you said with his tongue and you made it weird. Yeah. He doesn't use it. Oh, yeah.

He eats ass. You know, he uses his tongue. You said tuck an asshole. I feel like that sounds like sex intercourse. Right. But Lee's thing is eating ass. We have new listeners. It's second episode.

So it does. Where are we? We had to have fun plan to provide a memory for the guests. Oh, boy. But before we get there, let's take a quick break to talk about these lovely sponsors. Hey guys, it's time to get sexy. You know what freaking time it is. It's time to talk about Dame, okay? Dame is an unbelievable company that is probably the leader in...

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Not only is Natasha shoving a plastic dick in her stews pants, he's going to serve the guests with this thing sticking out of said pants. Now this doesn't land that well and it reminded me of one of the most painfully awkward social faux pas you could be a part of which is hasty comfortability yes we're not there yet what clued you in to think that you could be this revealing or this friendly with me dare i say inappropriate dare i say inappropriate it we're just not there second day i met dylan he starts using the n-word in front of me i'm like dude why don't you he absolutely did not do that yeah but i but that that would have been an example of what you're talking about too

sure comfortability you didn't use the n-word right it's like that starter at the golf course we played we were like hey the pace is really slow today and we were you know and he was like well it's a korean tournament kicked off the day so that's probably why we were like whoa whoa why did we we're not that comfortable with you sir put that out that you could say i have to know you for four years before you can start saying some racist shit to me. Yeah. Not five minutes, sir. Really bizarre, Marsh.

Four years. All right. So Jason is up next. He's traded a lot of soy and worked with a lot of algorithms and whatnot. And not even he could understand Reagan's schedule. Amex? Reagan House. Oh, got it, got it, got it. It's weird how

if you were so good with all that stuff you became a sea rat and sold all your things, but whatever, I'm not judging or not fucking buying it, I'm just saying. This is his third pass on selling that briefcase of bullshit. If I'm working on the boat scrubbing some fucking barnacles off the thing or whatever and he's selling this i go save it yeah hey how

about you shut up about soy futures and wash this window idiot you are now a sea rat whatever came before this is now uh it doesn't matter we'll uh iron this out at dinner when neither of us can remember the next day. So espresso martinis are poured and we get to our evening meal. Dave is trying to make up for last night. He is from Sussex. And because of that neighborhood and how often he was bullied, he fights for everything in his life. Except for his balls when his girlfriend tells him not to say anything good one where are the balls dave oh they're tucked up in my body i don't have balls

oh i thought you fought for everything okay guess not those things anyway he liked a secret just like you bad right right you have balls right okay yeah the first thing i if one of my buddies on that boat said hey you banging natasha oh hell yeah yeah all right so you love a secret you're just not great at keeping that's right oh got it so natasha asks him what he has planned for dinner and he says no fucking clue okay great So, before we get to dinner, we need a little bit of a meanwhile. I know I said we were getting to dinner, but a little bit of a meanwhile.

Meanwhile! Natalia doesn't know where things on the world are. Remember that? Mm-hmm. Captain Sandy is blown away by her favorite thing about yachting, table decor, and Billy puts on his crown for the evening. Yuck.

Can you imagine? Never mind. Do your own thing. If you want to wear a fucking crown the entire night, do it. Yeah, you're 52. Oh, I missed the dildo part. We talked about it. But I just wanted to say, if I'm ever on one of these charter yachts and a stewardess comes in with a vibrator in their fly, you're fired. You're fired.

You're not working on this boat anymore. I'm telling the captain, and you're fired. Right. And they would fire that person. That is wildly inappropriate. Well, there's this weird, and it's too comfortable too soon. It's too comfortable too soon. And now a word from our sponsor better help pat how do you take care of your mind uh well i uh do obviously i do maintenance on myself yeah you know but like what kind of

maintenance like do you yug uh no i don't do any of that stuff i take long walks and i use better help and i have a great relationship with a teletherapist right now. Which is important to know that you said telehealth because that's what BetterHelp does. It connects you with a licensed professional therapist so you can talk through your problems, and it's quick. They'll do it almost immediately. Under 48 hours.

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Not a crisis line. All right, let's get to dinner. All right. It is a Japanese evening, so we will have nigiri. Whoa. What? He did it again. Hey, stop it.

It is your basic bitch salmon and tuna. It is a crowd pleaser. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Also salmon maki rolls and vegetarian rolls. If you want to eat that. Kobe beef tataki and a beautiful tom gaw kai at the end of the evening. A really lovely, delicious coconut soup. I was actually quite impressed with this dinner,

you know, as horrific. And I truly mean that word. As horrific as it was to start out with blueberry Jolly Rancher shots and minestrone soup. I think they've kind of... It's come around. They've redeemed themselves.

Although, Dylan, I thought of you with the presentation of this. The guests, if you remember, they actually walk up and the food is already on the table. The sushi there is actually on. Yes, they were on trays on the table. I know this because I have a specific note. This reminded me of a certain memory that I've heard a tale of Dylan. At Toad Eye. At Toad Eye.

A place where it's basically like you're fucking uh at your high school in the lunchroom you pick out yeah i'll take two of those french fries one of those cheeseburgers it's all just sushi laid out there and you just pick it and dylan always shares this lovely tale of this very very very large sweating man yeah 78 degrees and uh he chose to he vomited on the floor right no he didn't vomit on the floor he made you want to vomit no you don't need to be hyperbolic about this experience because it on its own with no exaggeration no color at all is a stinging enough memory um we've talked about it so many times that i'm going there in my head right now we still are looking for an artist who

is willing to commission a painting yes of this scene right so so picture this right so the plates are are uh have condensation because it's so hot right um and how's that possible i'm not sure but there's a guy by himself and he's 275 pounds and he's got a bunch of crab legs in front of him and he's just eating them by himself and all of the sushi's sweating despite being on ice it's the air air conditioning's broken in there and they have a b rating and i was just i want to move on i place went under two years later buddy there's a marshall's there now i wonder why because people were getting fucking trichinosis from the california roll how it's canned cod how are people getting worms from your food

yeah you see what you did yeah it's actually alaskan pollock but close we also make filet of fishes out of that same fish watch the whole discoveries uh Discovery Channel documentary on it. The process is amazing. Do you mean you watched How Does This Get Made? Like a 15-minute thing on How Does This Get Made? Yeah. That was the show.

Okay, so I'm going to stop what I'm doing right now, letting it go. I'm going to look up what is in Crab with a K. And if you turn out to be incorrect with the amount of fucking sex in the city, 48 laws of power, sass you just gave me, I am going to flip a lid. Go ahead. I'm super curious to see if he's right too. This is crazy that we're doing this, and I wish I had more discipline not to say what I'm going to say

because we have three shows seven ads but when i was a sophomore in college i i did irrigation and i could go home for lunch on my lunch break and every day i got high and i watched how did this get made and it was it was a great time there's nothing like that lunch break i had my pre-made sandwiches ready to go at lunch and then i learned how stuff got made it's interesting that show really jumped the shark and they really got a little silly and i felt like i wasn't learning anything as most things do i think nothing gold can stay i think it can be made of a lot of different white fish just it's it's white fish is a alaskan pollock one of the fish yeah halibut yeah no it can't be made yeah halibut's too nice of a fish um all right so

all in all i would would say 80 Pot Dinner. Really good. Really? And this cake was incredible, too. The cake looks so beautiful. Understated but simple. And because of those things, it was not understated or simple. Dave almost drops the cake.

But before we get there, Reagan talks about feeling disappointed and the guests rattle through some gay cinema. Have you guys seen any of these films? I saw the one with who's the guy who talks about eating ribs? And it was a movie about him in Italy and a little boy or teenager on a trip. And they fell on your name. Army Hammer. Yeah, I think that's it.

Did they say that? I thought they just listed. Oh, no, they didn't. I thought you were asking me. John Waters movies. Army Hammer. I actually, I missed this part, which is crazy. I watched this twice and I was like, I was fucking.

Are you even gay? You haven't seen these movies. Why? I didn't know the effect. Oh, I did see that. That's what they sound like. But what is Army Hammer was in the movie you mentioned? Yeah.

Yeah. Did you hear where he is right now? Yeah. He's selling timeshares down in the Caribbean, which is crazy. Is that something you're going to cover up? I think that's actually fascinating. Too many people know Yeah, he's selling timeshares down in the Caribbean. Which is crazy. Is that something you're going to cover on PMZ? I think that's actually fascinating. Too many people know about it. He's selling timeshares in the Caribbean.

Well, he's got to kill time, dude. He hasn't had any acting gigs. You know, if you've got a work ethic, you've got to wake up in the morning and do something. Was he going to go to prison for cannibalism? No, there's no charges against him right now. But people do think that the selling of the timeshares, some people have posited that it's like he's in sex addict therapy and it's like to return to a life of normalcy, get a normal job.

But I do think it's fascinating. I think less people than you think know about that. Dale didn't know about that. I didn't know about that. Who the fuck knows about what Armie Hammer is fucking doing? Unless it's eating people's ribs. Did they mention Midnight Cowboy? I don't know.

I've seen that. That's a pretty gay movie. Super gay. in midnight cowboy i've seen that that's a pretty gay movie uh super gay so um yeah and we've talked about quentin tarantino in that one movie breaking down how top gun is the gayest film of all time and sure the volleyball scene is like yeah everybody knows that but he lays out this this argument that makes sense yeah who is the woman in it ke Kelly McGillis. Kelly McGillis is the bear. Well, she is trying to bring him to heterosexuality. And when he refuses it, she has seen the very next scene in kind of a Olivia Newton-John kind of transformation.

She is a dude. She's in a leather jacket. She's got the shades on. And in the end, Val Kilmer ends with, I've always got your back. It's a film about accepting who you are as a gay fighter pilot. I think that's what the second movie is about, too. I haven't seen it but it just surpassed uh titanic is the most um money made of a movie in history it's pretty insane good for you tom that is really really insane good for you tom party monster another

super gay movie i like i think they might have mentioned that um all right so uh they adorn the guests beds with condoms and dildos. Once again. Maybe they know better than we do, but is this something? Is this okay to do? It's just... Once again, if I was on this boat, you're fired. Fired.

I'm going to go talk to Captain Sandy and you're fired. Blue shit is on the menu once again, and we break to talk about Natalia's love life. What does she say say that she's into Storm well she thinks he's cute it's starting to heat up with those two but beware Storm if you choose to share a life with this woman you will be sleeping in your own bed

at night that was one of her preferences love this yes she wants to start a relationship with a guy but she wants to have a separate bedroom and I was thinking you're a sea rat that sounds like kind of a big place yeah I don't know that you can afford it i don't know you can really do that um but anyways uh hugs from natasha for dave and we rise for the next morning natalia's door is not working and we have all hands on deck because sandy is freaking out about these pizzas they won't move out of the way and if if you crash into them, the boat is ruined.

That will happen later on in the season. But this is our first docking. The music is swelling, and it is also Little Orphan Esther. They dock fine, and they get into their whites. I got to give it to Sandy, because everyone, like some people hit me up, like, hey, Pat, why all the hate?

All right, when she does something good, I'm going to acknowledge it. That fucking thing was tighter than an asshole. She parked that boat pretty goddamn well. Yeah, she really did. I mean, they,

you know, these quick cuts, I mean, you know, they got to burn what? 43 minutes or something. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I had the, good job, Sandy. I had the exact same thing. I was like, as much as I hate to say it, that looked pretty cool.

Yeah, it did. And that just shows how fucking down the middle we all call it we can 100 we can give credit credit to us for giving credit to sandy yeah credit to us where credit is due to sandy so the guests apart with some unkind words for the deck crew um also uh billy tells the chef that it was the best food he's ever had in his life little wishy-washy a little unnecessary to say that you hated the first night, but you were pretty shit-faced.

So let's get to the tip. But before we get there, I just want to talk about how I think the best part of being a sea rat is the amount of Veuve Clicquot they drink. Oh, it's amazing. It is unreal how much Veuve Clicquot they drink. It is unreal how much Veuve Clicquot they drink. Now, if you remember Simple Chuck, he was pissed because that's all leftover shit that

the guests pay for that's left over and they just pop those bottles. That's a fucking 70 bottle of champagne right there. It's such a special bottle of champagne. I have Veuve maybe two, three times a year. It's a very, very special thing. They have it two, three times a year. It's a very, very special thing. They have it two, three times a week, these guys.

Unbelievable. They don't make that much money, but they do get to drink VOOV. Or do they make a ton of money? Pat, what's the tip? All right. I could be wrong. Maybe we'll have to check with Sandra, our archivist. But I believe this is a world record.

It has to be a record, and it was so understated. We just breezed by the fact that this is the biggest tip in the history of the franchise. The sea rats were giddy. If you notice, by the way, I don't want to get ahead of myself,

but Natasha, boy, you want to know why everyone's asking your boyfriend if you guys are fucking? Why don't you slow your roll a little bit in the tip meeting? She's basically on top of Dave, and then Kyle thinks this is like a bonding moment, so he kind of gets in there, and now she's like, get the fuck off me. And Kyle should be able to do whatever he wants. In fact, every cent over the previous record tip should go straight in that man's pocket

because despite the things he did that I would fire someone for, over the previous record tip should go straight in that man's pocket because of despite of the things he did that i would fire someone for uh that's exactly why they got 27k he killed it this charter kyle mvp of the first i think we got to talk to him maybe we'll let a couple episodes pass yeah sure we like him all right so it ended up being 24 uh Oh, well, yeah, but the tip was $27,000. $27,000, yeah. $27,000. We've always said 20 is a B,

25 is an A. 22 is where you should be, I think. 27 is wild. So, let's get to the first night out. But before we do, we learned a little bit

about Ray Gun gun while we're getting ready and she gives us a pretty terrifying insight into her life uh she has been carrying home her drunk mother since she was 16 uh you know i if that is normalcy um and you don't process it as pain then i guess whatever floats your boat but my god would a therapist have a lot to work on with me if i was carrying home my drunk mother at 16. yeah um just really it's a different culture but fuck that's so so fucking sad i'm sure she uh reagan despite that has developed uh positive uh intimate relationships with men right uh not seeing her mother yeah club and get hit on and probably occasionally bring the man home i don't want to fucking jack but well not project that's not right as you know i pointed out if these things didn't

happen we wouldn't have anybody to work on these boats. So, you know, it's a toss-out. We need this kind of stuff to happen or we wouldn't have a podcast. So, we play a little Never Have I Ever. Natasha says she's porked two dudes in one go. And we don't mean to say in one go. I mean to say in one charter, which is a couple weeks long. And we're sex positive and that

is totally fine but here is our first landmine that we can see peeking out of the dirt what is going on here oh no this wasn't the first landmine the first landmine was i'm so shy around all these men what'd you say i'm too shy around all you men what is going on you know uh natasha's done two really things that turn me on. She's looked at the camera as she's grabbed a piece of fruit. One time it was a banana, and I forget the second one. She looks right at the camera. A cucumber.

A cucumber, and like she's going to give it a blowjob. We're only two episodes in. You're two for two. That works for you? It's flirtation. She jerked off the cucumber. Oh, that's right. Same thing, but still result of saying same i like what she's throwing down yeah i i don't can you blame her i

mean every time i pick up a cuke or a banana i just do the same thing yeah it's just a lot of fun yeah uh she's just having fun so um the rest of the guys become the viewing audience when they are in the vans interrogating dave um z is like do you guys hook up already and his silence and pregnant pauses and refusals really weird everybody out yeah they're like because it's supposed to be a fun moment yeah you think the dude's gonna go yeah mate or just go like like be fun about yeah i don't kiss and tell that's exactly what you do but he's weird yeah yeah he's simp bitch also also he has over him some type of evil curse because he is in this moment losing ground he's losing camaraderie with these people yes straight out of the gate and it's because he has to adhere

to these demands of this witch. Can I dig a little? Sorry to call her a witch, but I think she's... Yeah, she's not a witch. You know, when you're younger, everybody kind of fucks around. You don't realize what it does

to somebody that you're cheating on. But let me point this out. I think Dave is deeply insecure. And by the way, Dave, we'd love to have you on the show. No doubt. But Dave is deeply insecure because they touch on this in just a few seconds. He was basically, she was cheating on another guy with him.

And now he's in the position where he likes her. And what makes, I know it's all hot and horny the first couple weeks, but once feelings start to be developed, then you start going, when's she going to cheat on me? And then it becomes the most miserable experience of your life. And that's where I think he is. Sounds like a personal story. Oh, 100%.

Happened to me twice. I only use the W word because of how furrowed her brow got when this was to be revealed at dinner. She seemed like she was channeling something truly dark when she was looking at him. And it was just like why is that like why is that burden on

him? You cheated on him. Tell the guy. You're about to go on a reality TV show. You're all over the guy. You're sucking off kukes. What do you think is going to happen? And also you're gaslight cukes what do you think is gonna happen and also you're gaslighting all of us first off you basically ran for the door to be in the same room with him it's not that we care that you're fucking we all fuck each other we're sea rats for god's sake

what we don't like is why are you lying to us yeah it's really bizarre they could say it's none of your fucking business you're you are 100 though. Everyone that was watching this show got smashed over the head with a gas lamp. Mm hmm. 100%. So we cigarette night out in St. Julian's at Barnard ate tequila shots first, and then we get to the homeless chic of storm. These two are really hitting it off, and I love them. I ship them.

I want them to have babies and live in different rooms or just have fun for a couple weeks and then go screw somebody else she goes around the different vibes of the boat and natalia pretty much nails she's fun everyone she's super smart she's so funny um we chow down and then we get to couple talk um everyone is like including natalia says is there more that you're not telling us and then we get to couple talk. Everyone is like, including Natalia, says, is there more that you're not telling us? And then we finally find out what's going on. We end with some weird vibes from Natasha. This is where I'm wondering, who is this woman?

And what is she capable of? But we'll find out next week. Guys, go to patreon.com slash another podcast network to hear an ad-free version of this show. Jump in the iTunes ratings and reviews. Leave five stars and kind words. If you're on Spotify, it's very easy. Just hit five stars and you're done. Join us on YouTube.

Subscribe, like, comment. Tell everybody about this show. Tell your friends. Tell your family. Tell perfect fucking strangers. We'll see you next week. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Nick, say goodbye. Bon voyage.

Pat, say goodbye. Later, dudes. Bye.