Another Below Deck Podcast - Your License is Paper | Below Deck Med S8 E1

Episode Date: September 27, 2023

Dylan and Pat are back to break down fraudulent licenses, diving into piles of shit, firing Caelan, sea rat history, the resilience of Scousers, the MCU, The Masked Singer, Capris and more from Bravo's Below Deck Med. Ad Free and Uncensored at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYoutube at https://www.youtube.com/@anotherbelowdeckpodcast_Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbachelorpodcast/

But it was like he inverted a bottle of Robitussin before he got on the boat. You know what I mean? Yeah, he did. And then we learn, because we get a little Sea Rat history right out of the gate here. Oh, yeah. He comes from a home of abuse and drunken parents. And I hate to say this, Dylan, but we know. Yeah. welcome aboard another brand spanking new season of another below deck podcast my name is dylan

i'm saddled up next to one patrick Hickey. Permission to come aboard. Granted, Kalen is fired. We didn't fire him. A tear shed for Kalen. I know that everybody missed his laugh, or they're going to miss his laughter, but the kid had a sandwich problem, and we can't have people like that around this operation. That's fair, right? Yeah. yeah i mean he deleted two episodes that's it kaputs and also we're kidding he his wife is mad at him

for working i think we didn't fire him he quit okay so uh we have a new season to get into also quick public service announcement um did we say our names yeah we did at the top okay so uh we have a new season to get into also quick public service announcement um did we say our names yeah we did at the top okay great uh frazier interview is out hope everybody's enjoying it um it's free on this feed free um and yeah it's everywhere um loved frazier so much he was very candid um and we just had a we just had a gay old time with him. You know what I mean? Yeah, some of our best work. I think so.

Are you being patricious? Not at all. Yeah, no, I think it's some of our best work. Oh, and you know what? If you want to see us interview him, go to our YouTube channel, Bad TV Podcast, right? Is that the right one? Well, we just launched another YouTube channel.

It'll be hard to find. We're going to get some YouTube videos up there. But it's called Another Below deck podcast um search it out if it lands on a youtube channel called real nick davis you know you might be a little confused but you know that's just how the algorithm works but we'll sort it out we'll figure it out um but the important news here is that we're here to break down a brand new season of below deck mediterranean with none other than captain sandy herself captain leadership conference captain timeshare yes she's back and you know in my when i give my thoughts and knots um the audience is to be quite surprised that i will be one of her biggest advocates in this whole mess up with the MCU.

And how do you let a guy on board that the Marvel cinematic universe? Uh, no, I don't even know what the, what it stands for, but it's very important and they can shut you down. If you don't have them, if you don't have your originals,

they're like John Taffer. What are you doing? Yeah. Yeah. They're like that. They're like that, but for boats. Any other public service announcements? Love is Blind.

Go to patreon.com slash another podcast network. We drop our next three episodes this weekend. It's pretty phenomenal television. As always, Nick and Vanessa, although they're both alcoholics, they do a pretty good job producing that show for Netflix. When we do the show, I will give this fan credit, but Izzy said he loves to dance and then also said that his mom didn't let him dance.

Because he was a Mormon. There's a little bit of... They're all liars on the show. Yeah, they're all fucking liars. So anyways, that is a great time. Join us at patreon.com if you would like to hear that. Golden Bachelor starts Thursday on the Bad TV feed. That is going to be a blast. time uh join us at patreon.com if you would like to hear that golden bachelor starts thursday on the bad tv feed that is going to be a blast um and we're going to get to some itunes ratings and

reviews later on the episode i know you guys want us to get into the show right now but itunes ratings and reviews we'll take a little break for that later uh let's get into it pat thoughts and pots for this first episode okay let me just say this i what flavor you sucking on oh it's a new flavor it's called blackberry well that's not a new it's not a new one they have black cherry don't they oh is blackberry a new flavor i think so let me take a look okay i don't think you're gonna like it probably not do not like it what is wrong with beer what is wrong with light beer what happened to it fills me up too much it makes me sleepy there's some chemicals that they put in this

white cloth stuff it keeps me up yeah yeah yeah i think i could drink a bunch of them it is it's like the mountain dew of beer yeah yeah yeah yeah it's really gross so i'm back on the sauce good okay so not very often on Below Deck, and Dylan and I have been covering this show for quite some time, is there an original first episode? It's generally you meet the new crew, and that's about it. First episodes usually suck. It sucks.

This one had intrigue. Oh, okay. It had some twists and turns. We have in a new character, I think his name's Ruin? Yeah, like the god of Scadrial. Oh, my God. Oh, by the way,

fun little news. I have to say, allegedly at this, we had some listeners that happen to be Yachty's reach out to me this morning and share a little information about Ruan.

I don't want to destroy that guy's career because it is all just hearsay at this point. I think he's done that already, though. You know, you might as well just, you know, if a house is on fire and it's really on fire, you could throw a cup of care, like a little Dixie cup of kerosene on it. That's true. Well, let's just say these people had not so nice things to say about Ruan having worked with him or know people that worked with him. So I don't know how he thought he was going to get away with this. I guess we're still kind of trying to understand how this is all going to unravel. Luca put it perfectly. It's

like if you get pulled over and you just pull out an eight and a half by 11 photocopy of your license, the cop's going to be like, and it's not you. It's a 40 year old bald man, which I think I saw in the background. All right. So that was phenomenal. If you're white, you'll be scolded with a finger point. Yeah. Now, oh, a little tease here. Possibly.

I'm not going to tease a Sea Rat interview. Okay. We interviewed Frazier. And one of the things that he gave us during that wonderful interview was, if you're a Chief Stew or a bosun or captain sandy you don't choose who works on that boat they show up and part of the fun is uh them catching the camera crew catching the cast members or the workers on the boat scramble to try and find glasses and drawers uh and so it's we can't fault captain sandy for ruin and what took place here.

It was her that she was informed that that guy was in question. And then I think she did the right thing. So Captain Sandy, this is a rarity, but thumbs up for you. Okay. As far as this episode, though, I have to say, I was overwhelmed with the number of cast members. I can't keep track of everybody that all the sea rats on the boat it's like a clown car it was i can't believe you gave captain sandy a thumbs up

well i thought she handled it well uh don't worry i'll go after sandy please don't have that be the last i don't want to start the season off like that i understand i understand but i gotta call it's very unsettled i gotta call it how i see it all right okay uh chef uh chef jack i can't i can't understand a damn thing that he says but he's a fucking scouser but he is charming as hell i can't wait to hear what dylan has you know they say fuck how full really yeah i'd need a subtitle for that yeah you can't understand it well okay anyway wonderful episode i don't know some of these i guess when kyle shows up they're gonna throw some of these sea rats off the boat or something it's gonna be a wild there's like 19 of them here but anyway wonderful episode uh i give it a 80 knots great start um i'm gonna give it 80 knots as well ruined the most bizarre character we've ever had on this show um someone who was here

for a flash uh was you know uh catch me if you can of course it was kind of like a bad version of that you know because there was no like trysts with am with Amy Adams or any success with the fraud, you know? But it was entertaining. It was kind of a whirlwind. I mean, the guy gets on. We'll talk about it, but he's got the friend passing away. I mean, you're just like, what is going on? He throws spears at fucking fish for a living.

Oh, is that what he does? Yeah. Well, before he went into yachting, that's what he said his career was. I don't think he paid a living Oh is that what he does Yeah well before he got Before he went into yachting That's what he said his career was I don't think he paid a lot to do that Probably not It's kind of hot though I think Love like sexually

Yeah I think people are like Oh wow you make a career spearing fish Yeah Yeah hot if you want to like Live in Squalor Yeah You know and do a lot of drugs anyways we're going to get into the whole thing i give it 80 pots let's go it's a beautiful day to go boating yes it is well we're in the italian riviera dylan of course it we're in genoa and we cut back to sandy's days in genoa she's rocking

her sporty spice look uh i love that hairstyle uh natalia hits the boat first she is the thotty with readers uh the season is already a shit show obviously because every season has to begin with... It's like... You know how Commodus stabbed Maximus before their final bout? Of course. Every season of Below Deck, it's like if he chopped his foot off, you know?

Yeah. He's not going to do good. Right. He's just not going to do good. So that's what this season is like. Toomey and Kyle have gotten caught up in immigration and or customs i wasn't sure what was going on with those two i i don't know how this happens i don't know how much is planned i don't know how much is just haphazard sea rat sloppy shit but it always seems as though there is this floor of um

there's this floor of standard work and behavior that is beneath the fucking ocean you know it's just wild how sloppy this is yeah but it makes for great television. Did you mention that when Natalia came in, she hit Sandy up with some flattery. She's like, Oh, the white Capris. Yeah. Have,

have we ever not seen Sandy in white Capris? No. And I admire that about Sandy. I'm going to give her a little kudos too. I think that when you find an article of clothing that speaks to you in a way that it, it kind of beckons you to choose it as your day-to-day uniform, that's a powerful bond. And to shirk it, it would be impractical. Yeah. I kind of think that she's addicted to wearing them. I think she'd wear

them to a wedding. They're like glue to her. she can't get away from them they're like the uh siamese twins of apparel yeah yeah yeah she's like uh tobias fiumke but she instead of jean shorts it's white capris but we've got more show to talk about of course of course so natalia because to me and kyle are stuck in an airport somewhere. She's going to get temps. One of the temps will be an heiress to Sprouts. What is going on? She's got to be worth fucking $50 million. I don't understand what is going on. Now I'll say this. If that is in fact true,

then doesn't that make it so much cooler that she'd go on to just do blue collar sea rat stuff no is my answer so uh let's meet jack the uh the chimney sweep um we see lots of pictures of him and his his uh three lions jersey i don't know how many lions they got on the front they got one star though that's it uh the the guy's a fucking uh a scouser he's like uh you know he eats like chip buddies you know they put fries in between pieces of white bread they put butter on it and that's what he likes to eat so i'm a little concerned about what this guy can churn out but he does a pretty good job tonight okay i can't wait to hear your critique of him.

Yeah. I mean, obviously, we've got your standard fare. It would be not a premiere episode of Below Deck if we did not have a Caprese salad, and we do have a Caprese salad, but he might be a talented chef. I mean, you can't understand a single word he says, but we meet the chief stew next.

Oh, no. The bosun. me ruin he is um right off the rip he's a little too cool for school he doesn't pass the eye test for me i thought he was on ketamine when he got on the yeah something was uh something's going on there you know yeah handsome guy though uh uh three years as a bosun he says he says being the operative two words yeah and my thought when he arrived on the boat i'm like oh wow he's gonna be having sex with a lot of sea rats yeah me too of course um and uh because he brags that he throws a stick with a knife on the end of it fish and turns it into a kebab well in the last minutes of its life yeah but um a lot of uh female sea rats think that that's hot. Yeah. When you say a lot of female sea rats think that's hot,

do you mean to say you think that's hot? Oh, yeah. It just comes off as kind of dangerous, you know? But it was like he inverted a bottle of Robitussin before he got on the boat. You know what I mean? Yeah, he did. And then we learn,

because we get a little sea rat history right out of the gate here. He comes from a home of abuse and drunken parents. And I hate to say this, Dylan, but we know. Yeah. Smooth seas never made a good sailor. His name is Rue, likes and dies dies meet you on euphoria and we're i'm i'm kind of happy that we don't have to be confused by that bizarre south african name for the entire season yeah you know because we're americans you know we don't like to be confused about foreign stuff exactly we're just out um we're just out weirds us out oh weird yeah yeah i also want to note here um what the fuck is up with bosons there is a consistency here among bosons and i don't think it's just this show maybe it is you see rats you let me know all right let's review our last couple i love where you're going with this i think i have the psychoanalytical uh answer okay they're either verbally abusive and or

have an alcohol problem a problem with sex addiction and pathological liars yeah yeah so i think this is this is the common thread between a lot of bosons obviously c-red history C-Ret history, which means pain. Pain. But there's also a motor. So they've reached the top of this, whatever you want to call this ladder. So there's a certain amount of healthy aggression to them and drive. But when you couple that with the sex addiction, the C-Ret history, the pain, the alcohol addiction, the lying.

You get a person who's really not suited for a seat of power in any way, shape, or form. And that's kind of what I think is going on here. Because a lot of men with addiction problems will just kind of relax and squalor until they're in the floor permanently. But not these bosuns. They got enough to get them to the top of the stool. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yep.

Well, he won't be around for long. No, I mean, he's done this episode. Next up, we get a trio introduction here. We get Lara, Haley, and Jessica. Okay. we get a trio uh introduction here we get lara hayley and jessica okay so jessica we'll see you later on in the season the fairly middling episode from her the cameras can't capture the magic of everybody in the first episode hayley and lara could be the MVPs of this season. Oh, wow. The two of them together, the two of them individually,

this double dragon of weirdo wild Thornberry and South African dyke, I think she prefers to be called a dyke. They come from two different worlds. Combined together in this beautiful thing that I think we're going to have on deck. I thinkca is the perfect person to lead them he doesn't have a chip on his shoulder but we haven't seen enough of luca luca's you know demons may come out eventually well technically by from an occupational standpoint

we were never supposed to see luca his background is an electrical engineer dylan not a decky but fuck it he's too good looking to be stuck with those weird old trolls dude my wife was going it's the the fucking devil standard is so ridiculous and sure we talk about you know we both think cape blanchett is beautiful but when my wife sees somebody that she finds attractive i mean there's no limiter she's just like my god is he gorgeous i'm like yeah no he is she's like he's a little too short but he's so hot i'm like what if he was tall then he'd be really fucking i'm like good god my wife does that to me she'll like make a sex noise like hey hey i'm sitting here don't do that to me don't make a does that mean that we're not comfortable

uh no i think it's fucking rude. Okay, the chicks that I think are hot you'll never know because I go in the bathroom and beat off to them by myself. Have a little respect. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. All right.

Anyway, Natalia, very much like your lovely wife, Cecilia, takes immediate liking to Luca. I think those two are going to hit it off. Dylan, when we get to Natalia who claims she's in a relationship at some point, I don't know what the hell that relationship is because it's not a relationship.

It's an open relationship, which I believe should not be called an open relationship, but, um, called dating. Yeah. You're but um called dating yeah you're you're dating you're just dating but not even dating because when you're dating i guess like i don't know it's not even as serious as the upper echelon of dating because when you're seriously dating somebody there is this assumption that you're not going to fuck a bunch of other people

i think it could be you know understood if that were to happen. But you'd have serious second thoughts if you did stumble upon that revelation and you were seriously dating somebody. Help me. I'm in a loop. I'm in a loop. I can't stop. All right.

Well, we'll get some Sea Rat background from Haley. She's from Philly. Dad raised her to be more like his son than he never had. And he wished she'd drink beer and burp more. But she loves beer pong, and also because she's from Philly, enjoys throwing rocks at Santa Claus during the Philly Christmas parade. Batteries, feces, rocks, all at Santa Claus. I don't know why the collective soul of that city is so ill-tempered.

They're just angry people. And it extends to South Jersey, too. You know, these people are just, they're all fucking razor blades. You know? Unbelievable. You got stakes. Be happy.

You got history. You got the Eagles. You got the Eagles. You got Jason Kelsey. I mean, isn't that enough? You got Rocky balboa yeah okay right by the way did you know that philadelphia has the most heavyweight champions from there yeah but they erected a statue of sylvester stallone correct yeah a fake box all

right i love philly yeah philly's great okay uh laura says uh get all your money done in one month and then piss off do you live in cambodia like what the fuck you don't make that much money in one month i mean my god uh you gotta string a couple months together um so this season is very different. We've got a commercial built vessel. This vessel is two times bigger than the last one that Sandy captained. I was going to say piloted, but I don't know if that's the right word. You know?

Now, the Marvel Cinematic Universe narc is going to be getting on whenever he wants, okay? And I can't stand these kinds of people. You know, this kind of system where it's like health inspectors. But Dylan, Dylan, hold on, hold on, hold on. These are important bureaucracies, okay? Yeah, I know, I know. You pointed this out.

What did you say? They're fucking dorks, though. The health, what is that? The health people don't you want someone looking out for you they walk into a restaurant randomly and they go hey open up your freezer and then they see some pork chops that have hair growing on them yeah we need those kind of administrative bodies to protect the public yeah so you're an advocate of big government correct i am not sir but i don't want to eat pork chops that had hair on no i also don't want to be

on a yacht with a guy who's in charge of making sure sandy can drive out of the fucking uh dock no listen i kill me i i fucking i love government i love all these things that keep us safe they're vitally important but you know let's call a spade a spade these guys are dorks i mean they're entire it's like you go into an airport and you're happy the tsa is there right because they're patting down people and what would we do if everybody had big big bottles of shampoo on flights but the people that get those jobs are just inherently they're a little bit they're fucking you know their door they're my no you also have to be a complete asshole that you can completely shut off your empathy for potentially someone going like, okay, he's going to get his, you know, he'll get his things in order. Actually, this guy seemed rather nice.

Yeah, he did. When I owned one of my companies, I had a bunch of fucking by the book assholes come through and basically like they own my own business the way they talk to me. Well, speaking of assholes, let's take a break and let's read a couple of iTunes ratings and reviews. We told you guys last week and the week before that we would do this. I am very sorry that we haven't done it, but I think it's vitally important to tell people that we need your help in the review section because Patrick, what happens in the review section well as far as

reviews that we believe reviews oh yeah they leave reviews and dylan and i prefer uh either one stars or five stars so here's the five star this is great this is from super user uh 987 oh that looks long that's a great one not going to read the whole thing but two dudes doing it right they remind me of what a recap conversation with my husband would be if he actually enjoyed watching the soap opera that is below deck. Nice. That is a great review. Yeah.

A really great review. This one, not so much. No? Okay. This one is from Jenny8675309. What does she have to say? Is that the song?8675309 what's she have to say is that the song eight six seven five three oh nine that's the song very original jenny86753 this is called the title i love the title it's just no no okay one star that usually isn't going to be good for us when that's the title no it's not it's one star

i started listening because they seem to be getting guests from the us when that's the title no it's not it's one star i started listening because they seem to be getting guests from the show and that's great we're gonna have more guests coming on right but dylan is the worst his voice he interrupts patrick his voice is dull and grating he pretends to care about people but he's just afraid of being canceled and this is what i wanted to get to. He's a conspiracy theorist. Although Pat tries to stop him from espousing his garbage, I know he's anti-vax. I mean- Boy, they know you. I got so many shots. I don't know. This is why we need to do this because we have really no recourse.

You can write to Apple, but they'll really only help. Dylan got 18 boosters, and I'm like, what did you do today? You already have 17. You anti-vaxxer. So yeah, jump in the iTunes,

read interviews, leave five stars, kind words um don't leave one we don't want any more ones help us out all right let's get back to the show okay so um ruin is called up to the gallows we'll call it the gallows for him because every time he is brought to the higher tiers of the boat, he is not delivering a good performance because he's in the middle of a web of lies. The MCA says, we've got a bit of a problem here because you don't have original licenses. So essentially, you have five days to get them here. All right. So this is the leniency. They would allow him to leave the deck on this boat

for that interim period. Now, that seems fair to me. Yeah, also insane. Lenient. Given someone that kind of room, you could discover later on that he'd actually used a photo of a bald man well it's nothing like him yeah and you don't know if he killed that man or not

you know it's like that uh that one guy that one murderer who took pictures of the people and you thought they were alive but they weren't he had just showed their eyes open yeah yeah that's scary it's terrible ruin could be doing something like that so let's move on to jessica she likes people she's a strong second stew because she is a good follower that is what you need in a second stew now it's interesting dylan because we get a little background on her being a follower she says she had a best friend who was uh the life of the party and also always knew what to do. And I thought at this point in the story, she was going to tell us that her friend lost her head

in a bad bungee jumping incident. But she didn't, thank God. The reason she was telling us this was to drive home the point that she's a follower. Yeah. Kind of sad. They even had pictures of the friend. I'm like, okay, what happened to her?

That friend seems like a Regina George character. And poor Jessica was driven into the ground by her. Various high school pressures. It's really messy when you're a young kid. Oh, yes. So, Laura is happy to be on yachts because she is not so much fleeing from the pain but fleeing from a different kind of life i don't know what that note fucking means i can tell you she was fucking taking nose dives into cow shit

in south africa oh that's right that's right how could i have forgotten that she tells a whimsical shire-like tale of her diving into mounds of various different colored fucking feces? And I think the producer says that you can catch serious strains of bacteria. And she says, well, it never went in any holes. I really don't think, I feel like skin is too porous you know but kids do the darndest thing oh you drink off garden hoses that could kill you too man yeah not as quickly though as diving in mounds of shit. I mean, that is really something else. You know, it's like the first,

one of the early scenes in Tommy Boy, but that's like a comedy, you know? Right. It's not real. It's not real. Yeah. So anyways, this is what I'm saying. She has MVP caliber stuff to her. She's just hilarious.

So Natalia and Captain Sandy have a little chat. Sandy says, what happened to Storm? You're asking me about my dating life. Leave me alone. Yeah. But they get to talking about open relationships. Open relationships. And Sandy's like, I hope that works out.

So then, Rue, we get a meanwhile here. By the way, did we point out, it's worth mentioning at least with chronology. Are we stumbling a little bit here? I feel like we're stumbling a little bit. It's just Rue, right now, I hadn't been convinced that anything was that weird. So at this point, he has called his roommate who has those documents in his apartment

and he's going to work on getting them mailed here. And it's important to note that he's not calling his roommate. He's leaving voice memos for his roommate, which is a minor detail, but it reeks of somebody who's not really that concerned about getting the ball over the line.

And also a minor detail that if you didn't know the ending of the movie, you would have just glossed over. The serial killer, you're like, oh, maybe he's a chef. That's why he has all those knives. Right, right, right. Yeah, it's like you've got to watch Arrival a couple times for it to really hit you. I hate that movie. Oh you yeah i do uh okay so

well that's because you don't get it all right so um rue needs to get his licenses provisions arrived the chef uh evidently had a developmental disorder that he got over at the age of eight that is what the you you know, people in the Northern kind of fingers of the United Kingdom, they're made of tough stuff. You have some kind of mental disorder when you're a kid, you just tough through it. You know, somebody hits you over the head with a bottle of Buckfast and then you're just changed. I forget. I listened to a podcast today, uh, where the podcast host had a famous comedian from Ireland on. Yeah.

And he was kind of joking because this podcaster was from California. He's like, you know, you guys over in America are all emotional, working out your feelings, trying to be better people. And he openly admitted in Ireland, like, we're not fucking there yet. The Filthy Scouser literally says that he just didn't say anything, really, until he was eight years old. But he's blossomed um so brooke she arrives the heiress to sprouts grocers hits the boat um she is a deckhand who has worked on smaller boats but really just like day charters which are just not even in the same fucking league

as this and that by the way that is so ambiguous that could be in long beach you can go for a whale watching expedition i just went on one last week like she's on those boats. She could be there. Yeah. Yeah. And this boat weighs 500 pounds. Mm-hmm. You know, it's a very big boat. I don't know what the fuck this industry is. Like how this is, you would think that with a piece of machinery this large and with this much liability,

she's not on deck, but still, I mean. It's terrifying terrifying quite frankly just in a loop one percenter that you've just allowed onto this boat i mean people could die i don't understand it the bosun is doing some kind of born identity forgery i mean what the fuck is going on so rue Rue calls a deck crew meeting. Sandy hops over the walkie. I'd like to join that, actually. And then she puts Rue through the... The distance check. Yeah. I love this.

This is what I actually meant to point out in my thoughts and knots. This is really what I was giving the thumbs up to for Sandy because I was like, all right. I didn't realize she was being Sherlock Holmes at this point, but I do think there was definitely an element of that yeah she goes all right how far is that uh boat from our boat and he shouts out 100 meters 75 yeah then luca's like no it's 50 and that's uh and then regis philbin stage left are you sure um but that should have been your first tell like what the fuck is going on i love how she's like

later on in the episode she sees that the person on his not licenses, his pieces of paper are not him. And she's like, this is a giant red flag. That's not a red flag. That's like the IED has gone off and your fucking legs are blown. That's not a red flag. We're here now. That's not a warning.

All right. So this is also my favorite part with Sandy. The captain's meeting, Dylan. Yeah. May I give a rundown of this? Sandy does the do's and don'ts. Mostly the don'ts that have plagued her boat and this franchise. Don't do drugs.

Oh, yeah. Hi, Hannah. No drinking on charter. Hi, Camille. Hi, Margo. Hi, Filthy Scouser.er hi queen of the sea hi pretty much anybody hey captain lee and captain allegedly all of them uh and no racist comments i love that we have progressed but it's sad to know that that needs to be explicitly said.

You know, we got to cover our bases here, but it is a sad state of affairs out on the ocean waters that you have to make sure people know that it's inappropriate to say racist things. Thank you, Heather. All right, so we need to get to the preference sheet meeting oh well let me see if i can call our uh former producer yeah i hope he's not too busy well he might be he said he was at a soccer game with his kids so we can't give him too much shit what like an angel city

game something like that no i think his kids were playing oh well you can take a call hey man sorry uh are you available to do the preference sheet meeting? Yeah. I can do it. Oh, great. Okay. Ask him if he's eaten anything. Dylan wants to know if you've eaten anything.

I'm just sitting down for tacos right now. There you go. What kind of tacos? What kind of tacos? Like homemade lettuce cup tacos. Ugh. That sounds delicious. All right. Kalen, thank you for your time tonight.

So whenever you're ready. Oh, will you ask him what kind of meat are in the tacos? You're talking over him. Yeah, no, no. Start over. I'm sorry. I don't think that's it. Okay.

Go ahead, Kalen. First charter of the season, seven guests. Primary is Dr. Kian Karimi. Yeah. He's a personal friend of Captain Sandy's as well as her doctor. When Sandy was in a car crash a few years ago, she couldn't close her right eye all the way. Dr. Karimi took the skin from her left eye, added it to the right,

fixed her right up. Oh, wow. Yeah. He turned 40 over the pandemic. Can I have the phone for a second? He's excited to be able to celebrate in style with his friends, all of which are boys, Natalia's favorite.

Hey, Kay, can I ask you something real quick? Yes, yes. Are you charging us for this? No. Oh, okay. Okay, great. Yeah, this is just out of the good of my time. Okay, great. Okay, great. Thanks. Guests want access to all water toys, so as soon as the anchors drop, water toys

come out. Dinner night one. Primary celebrating his birthday. He wants a coastal Italian meal and to have Captain Sandy join. Yeah. And that concludes the preference sheet meeting. How do you think you did? Solid eight. I don't think so.

Hey, I think he did a great job. Kalen, what kind of meat are in the tacos? Turkey. Oh, yes. Turkey tacos. Man of my own. Kid's getting healthy. The kid is getting healthy.

Turkey tacos in lettuce wraps. My God. Kalen, you want to plug anything? Watercooler. Watercooler podcast. Check it out. It's fun. Watercooler podcast.

Check it out. I think there's two episodes. All right. Have fun with your family. Bye you guys bye uh all right um we move on past the preference sheet meeting and we venture into a night when we get a horrific call ruin's best friend was killed in a head-on collision with a bus now i will go ahead and be the asshole. The cynical son of a bitch. What do you think I was going to say? I was just going to say this is just a horrible. Concocted.

No, I was going to say it's a horrible, painful thing. How dare you even float that? Well, let me be the cynical son of a bitch. I think there's a likelihood that this was made up to take the heat off him. Maybe not a likelihood, but there's a chance that it was made up. He was really, really crying. Now, fucking cough syrup addicts are pretty manipulative people, so who knows? I think it was probably real, and he's just having a really, really bad spell in his life.

it was probably real and he's just having a really really bad spell in his life but given his fraudulent behavior there is a chance that he is this fucking bad okay i think that my opinion of him has been by the multiple uh messages that i received this morning about some of his uh past activities yeah and that may have colored my perception of this and listen i didn't want to make it uh i don't want to do this thing where like i felt the bit was pretty clear that we both felt the exact same thing but i i don't want to do the thing where i'm like putting you as the bad guy we both thought that there is a likelihood that this could be concocted but if tears were so real though well have you ever met someone that's very manipulative? Yes.

They can turn it on, Matt. Yes, I have. But I apologize if this was, in fact, a real tragedy. Yes, very, very sad. We can only recap the show based on what we see. Yeah, and what Seurat sent Patrick in direct message inboxes. Yep. All right, what happens next?

Oh, well, it's worth mentioning so sad luca was there to comfort him gosh lucas luca is such a lovely lovely guy i was gonna say lovely little guy and that's i don't need to do that yeah hey i do want to say this is and this has happened in many reality tv shows again this just colors my thoughts on on ruin and what's real and what's not real here if your best friend just died wouldn't you just get off this goddamn television show wondering when we get to the next day he's still having a hard time in the morning and i'm just like listen these sea rats have a certain amount of gumption and they are running away from things that are very painful but kudos to you for sticking it out i mean i would be fucking off that boat in a heartbeat

if i was the bachelor abc's the bachelor and they said that you uh i don't know you got your fucking died or somehow i would leave the bachelor to come console your family yeah i mean it's it's well not if i was the bachelor i mean it's it's well not if i was the bachelor i mean that's the that's a pretty big deal but if i was definitely on like winter house or something like that i'd be out of there in a second oh yeah no winter house is that doesn't really help anybody you know at least if when you're on the bachelor you get to go on kimmel and good morning america don't forget dancing with the Stars. Yeah.

I've always wanted to do the cha-cha. You know, there's lots of places you can go out dancing. Not in front of 20 million people, Dylan. Oh, you need that big of an audience, huh? And you think 20 million people are watching Dancing with Stars. What is it called? Dancing with the Stars. Dancing with the Stars.

That show. All right. Gosh. What's a better show, Dancing with the Stars or The Masked Singer? All right. So, sweating like a horn church and we get to getting ready for the guest arrival. They'll be there in 30 minutes and then they arrive. Natalia pulls a little flirty move with Luca. Oh, did you see that? Can you help me with my epaulets? Natalie, you can do your own epaulets. I like it though. Yeah. It's

starting to heat up there. Big time. The guests have had 20 Michelin stars in their European vacation. So Scouser, get ready. Great. You are special. I appreciate that you need to humble brag this. There's so many Michelin stars. There's such amazing food that's not in the Michelin guide. To get that many Michelin stars on a vacation,

I just don't want to eat like that. You know? Because obviously the michelin guide is expanded to more approachable fare but there there's a lot of michelin dining that's just it's just too stuffy you want to go to a run-down steakhouse in florence you don't want to go to some hoity-toity place where they have stools for your purses and there are you know taiwanese dignitaries sitting next to you you know dylan i want to focus my attention on this two-form primary yeah okay why do you feel the need to have to brag like that openly just say we've eaten at a lot of good places we've had a

wonderful culinary experience while we've been here our our standards are very high jokingly or say none of that and just go we like to eat so you know knock it out of the park yeah don't be an asshole sorry to be a jerk i don't know how long we've been going but uh this is why i hate heather to bro and terry to bro all they do on their reality shows is brag about their wealth they disgust me i saw um my wife was watching uh oc which is bad right uh it's kind of good bad i don't understand why some of those people are still on that show they have a they have a uh an entire like fridge of voof clico like yes floor to ceiling booth yeah that's a 50 bottle of champagne so congratulations well

i'm sure they have different vintages that are much more expensive than that but also you know fucking find a high high ledge uh so we move on to some other document stuff uh rue is not the only not only a bosun but also an identity thief um captain sandy sits him down and asks um where did you get these fraudulent licenses and why is there some other man on the fraudulent and why doesn't he have hair yeah and rue i i you know it going back and re-washing it is really the best way to see just how bad he tries to get out of this wet paper bag but he's he just stumbles through it so horribly. Well, he lies about a Sea Rat school because we... I was on a boat in Monaco. You mean you were in a classroom? Like, what are you fucking saying?

But he's fucked up, dude. He's on downers right now. Well, allegedly. Allegedly. No, I mean, he seemed pretty lucid. I mean, stupid, but lucid in this situation. But this is one of those things where I don't know how people... Got it?

Did a mosquito just land on something inanimate? I mean, that is a rarity. Is it? I don't even think i got it that's how slow i am we got to shut these doors i know get bit up um yeah so anyways this is uh this is a pathetic performance from rue trying to get out of this lie and this is when sandy says this is a giant red flag and again i would say this is more akin to what jason did with the boat than a red flag this is you running through a dock of people and into numerous restaurants it's not so much a

warning um so she tells him pack your shit uh until we get to all this worked out maybe you can uh rejoin us on a tinder uh while we're out at sea but for now you need to get the fuck out uh so we get our first meal wouldn't be below deck without a caprese salad we've also got quinoa and kale and beet salad uh these people are michelin star diners so of course they want caprese salad and quinoa and kale and beets right because um you know does jinkies cafe have a michelin star yeah i think they do yeah that's why they expanded to two locations in studio city yeah so we also have some gnarled lamb chops um lollipops cut very thick almost too thick to where they are not lollipops um and branzino we also get a pasta dish um i'm joking around obviously this is chuggy below deck fare but um you know it's first meal i

thought he did a great job and it is lunch too and it's lunch you know i the the the guest seems to like it that's the only thing that matters so luca heads up and the chiron hits the scream provisional bosun that is how you get promoted in this game the chiron lets you know that you have just got yeah yeah he she promotes him to temp bosun yeah and to remind the audience previously he was supposed to be living in the bottom of the boat unclogging toilets and making sure the fucking boat doesn't tip over yeah yeah but uh because he's good looking he'll be in charge of making sure this boat um doesn't sink well and also also Captain Jason said he was okay. Of course. We just take people at their word.

All right. Meanwhile, you stop me when you want to. Okay. Brooke, the temp arrows to Sprouts doesn't know how to fold socks. Haley talks to Rue about how he's leaving, but how he's coming back. Yeah, right? Mm-hmm.

He says, I just got to get a few more licenses, and the tender's going to bring me back. Yeah, right. And then the guest drops a phone in the jacuzzi. That was very good. I want to say that Luca and Sandy at some point during those meanwhiles, I believe in the timeline, laid out a plan to leave the dock and not killing anybody.

And I hate to spoil the drama for everyone. It's like telling a six-year-old Santa doesn't exist. But Sandy is a TV captain. She could be sleeping while the drama for everyone. It's like telling a six-year-old Santa doesn't exist. But Sandy is a TV captain. She could be sleeping while the boat was moving. It's going to make its way out of that dock. Yep. Don't you worry about that. Yep, yep, yep.

And this is what this show does. It never ceases to do unsafe things that are miraculously anticlimactic. So we have a boat, the biggest we've ever had, no bosun, one man down, and yeah, of course, it just gets out. It leaves. It leaves. It's a gigantic gateway to exit that area there.

You know, season one, Dylan and I are covering on patreon.com slash another podcast network. Captain Lee, that boat was anchored in some little port in the Caribbean. He literally had six feet on both sides of that vessel to get out of there. Now, that was compelling television. Sure. A boat leaving a dock. Sure, and still anticlimactic.

True. And not compelling. Well, so the boat heads out, Dylan, and then it's nighttime, and that's when Luca lets us know he's shitting himself. And then he adds this quote. He says, well, I'll fake it

till I make it. Yep. Which, you've heard me say this, if you want a job at The Gap and you kind of trump up your resume

that you've made all these sales of jeans and whatnot. Yeah, you worked at Urban Outfitters before this. Feel free to lean on

fake it till you make it. You're in charge of a vessel that could kill 29 people while they sleep. Feel free to hold that. I'll fake it till I make it. Yeah, because what's the worst thing that happens at Gap if you're faking it till you make it? Jenna Lyons walks in and starts asking you about hems. Nobody's going to die.

But Luca, he might kill people. And speaking of faking it till you make it um he says if you fuck up on this boat you're gonna be on the news we know somebody who is on the news you know those beautiful big blue eyes um all right so uh the scouser has big shoes to fill, evidently. Yes. Well, yes. Kind of. You know, Dave was fine.

Dave was great. Can't hold to a scheduled interview. Kind of cancels a lot on people. You know, he kind of cancels a lot on people. And it's the kind of thing where it's like, you know, we don't really need to have you on, you know he kind of cancels a lot of people and it's this kind of thing where it's like you know we don't really need to have you on you know it's not gonna do a ton for us so i think the rule of never announcing a sea rat's gonna be in the studio in any given week until they actually show up here and we can touch them. All right. So Sandy sits down for dinner and a story is told. She says,

I was a upstanding citizen until I was given a seven, one, four. Were you like a fucking commodities trader? Like how do you have, what, what happened? Somebody gave you a fucking Quaalude and I i listen i guess that's how things happen it's just so funny that sandy

with that haircut and i know that she was on the straight and narrow but she probably had that haircut for a while the thought of her just getting fucked up on quaaludes running through lesbians is just amazing i kind of wish she was there, but I'm happy she's not for her. Yeah, well, there's a cameo where she was back there for a minute. I appreciate her honesty, and I also appreciate that unlike some of the captains, Captain Hot Pants, Captain Lee,

she is willing to sit down for dinner and share. Yeah. Although I will openly say that I felt a lot of the guests were bummed out by that story i'm kind of like yeah yeah yeah and the food hit the table they didn't even get to say what it was because sandy was in the middle of her bummer sobriety story but you know she's being honest she's sharing she's a good seat at the table jason's just like you know i mean he just doesn't add that much.

He's hot, but the dish is seared tuna, Thai ginger dressing, pickled quail egg, and later will be a chocolate cake. Um, fine, fine, fine fine 62 pots and again i think they're not showing us courses maybe i missed it but it's astounding to me that you either have one course and a dinner after binge drinking for an entire day or you have 15

courses and people are throwing up that's true there's no middle ground you know it's just wild i also let's give the young lad a little bit of room here uh he probably spent half the preparation of whatever meal trying to find where the fucking steak knives yeah 100 uh so we find out that brook's dad started sprouts and he's dead um oh okay um we we kind of have a lot of winding down time towards the end of the episode rue gives sandy a call he says uh hey uh captain i'm not gonna be um coming back uh yeah we know she goes hey those licenses they're on the way to the boat right he goes ah no you know i told my friend not to send him because he's far and he doesn't exist so uh natalia and jess getting to a little tiff uh there is a list that has been prepared for the

sprouts heiress um jess wants natalia to give her said list natalia thinks it's going to overwhelm her hey jess let's pipe it down pipe it down okay this is the first day let's i know you're trying to make some good tv here make some waves but uh i know when it's uh a little uh a little a little too much a little too early i thought you said you were good at following let's pipe it down a little too much a little too early i thought you said you were good at following let's wipe it down a little bit okay next day we awake and we find out that we are not going to get a bosun for another two weeks norma you bitch that's it for us everybody jump in the itunes ratings reviews join us on patreon for love is blind um golden bachelor coming to bad tv search us out on youtube um that's going to be the only place you can find the video so godspeed for everybody we'll put it in the show notes there you go love you very much

follow us on socials give pat hugs give me pat we'll see you next week i'm dylan saying goodbye pat say goodbye Yeah