Another Below Deck Podcast - Zero Dark Thirty | Below Deck Med S11 E4

Episode Date: June 30, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down Psycho, Evil Genius, The Secret, older people, men’s underwear, oysters, American idol, McDonalds, Osama bin Laden, The Bear and more from Bravo's Below Deck Down UnderPATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

Joy and Jen, I'm not going to say they're 100% similar, but they're very alike, actually. Yeah, I think so. They have paranoia about enemies that do not exist. They are extremely territorial and psychotic. Yeah. All right, at dinner, everyone's yucking it up. Kay flirts with Joe. Oh, you want to flag that, do you do?

I thought it might have been a good cold open, but whatever. It's fine. I'm sorry. Welcome aboard. Welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode. Up at TV. Hey, Pat. Hey, Pat.

I'm Dylan. That's Pat. Permission to come aboard. Kalen's here as well. What's up, babe? Hello. Hello. Hey, there he is.

What's going on, bitches? Not much. Was this episode good? Did we get into time? machine and we're at the end of the episode? Because you asked, is the episode good? No, not this podcast, that below-deck episode. Oh, the one that we watched.

Are you on fucking Whippets right now? I'm sorry. Sorry. I thought you were referring to our podcast. No, I mean, I know the podcast isn't going to be good. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this episode was the episode that we watched was really good. Oh, really?

Yeah. Okay. Well, go to patreon.com slash another podcast network for Real Housewives of Rhode Island and also in the city and our Summerhouse recap. If you want to hear us talk about Summerhouse, the aftermath, which is one of the most useless 42 minutes of tell. But we had a good time recap. Absolutely.

Orange County, Real Housewives coming up. Yeah, coming up. All right. So Pots. Pots. Yeah, man. Well, I want to ask you something, Dillon. Please.

Now, I am going to shit on... Can I smoke? Of course. I am going to shit on Joseph, the charter guest, quite a bit in this episode. Yeah, we had a couple of his friends come out of the woodwork. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah. But I want to ask this question.

If you knew that he came into this charter as a guest thinking he was going to drop or help contribute to a $50,000 tip. And so that's his thinking so that he doesn't want to be talked to the way he was talked to, knowing that he plans on tipping $50,000. Yeah. Would you think of him differently? No, I would still think he was, no, no, I wouldn't. You wouldn't. No.

Because we always say that in the throes of it, you go, oh, this is a fat drunk asshole, right? This guy's total fucking overinflated hot dog asshole drunk, right? Now, that doesn't change. It's a little bit like in physics, if you observe something, somehow it changes the state of it. This is not like this. The state of this fat, drunk, mean asshole doesn't change. It just is okay that he is that because of the tip. So you would still think that because you wouldn't know what the tip was.

And then you get the tip of you go, it's okay that he is that. Fair enough. Does that make sense? I wanted to ask the question. question. Do you think it changes the dynamic? I'll say when I when I heard the $50,000, I thought for a second, did this guy have a perception of service that he felt like, oh, I've paid, I've been on these boats before and I've never heard someone talk to me that way. Yeah, I mean, he probably has, right? He's probably been on other boats where they're like, sir, excuse me,

if you wouldn't mind, we're docking right now. So can we ask you? Whereas Nathan's, like, can you get the fuck off the bow? Now, he didn't say that. Yeah, get the fuck out of here. I've got a fucking baby back there. But it was, what the fuck are you talking about? But I will say, he could, Nate could have had a little bit of a better bedside manner.

Yeah. And my wife, when she saw it, she said the same thing and hadn't heard our opinions on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even remember what mine was. I think you were somewhere in the middle, too. Okay. So, and agreed. Joseph is a, a world-class douchebag.

But he's an ork. But yes, that was my, sorry, I'm doing my thoughts. Yeah, not, no, no. That was my original thought. Okay. Your ankles are looking very pretty today. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Kay, how you doing? I'm good. Thank you. Hey, Caitlin, we got a sound effect. I want you to play. Anytime I say the name, Jen, I want you to hit this one. She's a, she's a fun one, this one.

Oh, I was thinking that you were going to say she's absolutely terrifying. Right. Right. Right. Yeah, those aren't synonyms. Oh. Jen, hit it. I like that.

I like that. Now, we're going to talk about Jen a lot. So what's the over under on that sound effect? Well, I don't want to overuse it. Jen. All right. All right. Enough.

Enough. I don't want to beat it. Okay. Okay. All right. I want to tell. Kailen, every time he's, says her name or I say her name play that okay I loved the originality of the themes of this charter

we've never seen these uh maybe we went to oyster island before but it was nice we've never done a uh a rayon osama's compound the king dinner before we never done that we never done that we never done okay and the escape room thing was kind of fun all right and then the uh the Joe out in the raft with an explosive device around his neck. Yeah, that it wasn't around his neck, but it reminded me of that documentary. There was that serial killer that. Evil genius. Put bombs on people's necks.

He actually killed a lot of people doing that. Well, we never found out who it was. Really? Mm-hmm. How many people got taken out? Like three or something? Well, I don't remember that, but it was a woman and her friend, and then the guy who got his head blown off that was going to rob the bank.

We don't know if he was. in on it, but he didn't realize that he was going to get his head blown off. And then at the end of the day, he was sleeping with a prostitute who had a baby, which ended up being his baby, and that was the end of the dog. Yeah, if you're... Check out evil genius. Yeah, if you're not, uh, if you're not familiar with what we're talking about, there was a guy that put bombs on people's heads around their neck.

Yeah, it was like an episode of, it's like real life seven. Kind of crazy. Mm-hmm. Okay. Okay. There was that. There was his escape room. Joe got blown up.

He died. Okay. I really enjoy the drama that is happening between joy and that other person is fascinating because Joy, Luke and Jen. Okay. I've been Luke. Yeah. It's a tough position to be in.

Bet you have. Bet you have, buddy. It's a tough position to be in because you feel so much pressure because you don't want to You're annoying me right now. 14 knots. Such an annoying humble. You know, I've been Luke. It's very challenging.

All right. So I'm going to give this episode two pots. Wow, that's love. Hated it. You hated it. You didn't like the- No, I'm kidding. I was quite stunned when I was watching.

I'm not too sure what was transpiring, but I think it was a good one. I can navigate us if you'd like it. I'm going to stick with two pots. I've been driving up and down the coast. It's been pretty difficult to watch all this stuff. Could you host? today? Oh, sure. Thank you. That'd be amazing.

No problem. All right. So we... Two pots. We pick up where Joseph and Nate face off. I don't arm wrestling me. I was about that. I started all out. He's just arm wrestling. Dylan, shockingly, Joseph is much more clear than you think after a guy is at 82 margaritas. Well, he's got a pretty boisterous BMO. You know, you're a prick. You know that?

Yeah. You're a real prick. But I respect you. I fucking hate your guts, but I'll tell you something. You want to arm wrestle? No. All right, all right. You're a real prick, you know.

Yeah. I don't like you. Hey, I think you're a fucking dick. Let me tell you, buddy, one time six women pissed on my face. Caitlin, you laugh. He said that. You know, what was going to be a knockdown tear down fight, I thought, in the bridge? Yeah.

Turned into an unwanted recount. of Joseph's piece of shit nepo baby origin story with details that included urinating on his, I guess, his head by four, I assume, prostitutes. This is one of my least favorite experiences in the wild. When somebody who, it used to happen with a corolla show all the time, right? So people would go, hey, man, I, you know, I thought, listening to the show, I thought you were always a little bitch. I thought you're a total asshole.

But I got to say, you, it's great. You were a great guy. It's a great meeting you, you know. Oh, a fan. Thanks so much. Of Adam that meets you out in the wild. Such an amazing thing for you to tell me. Drive safe.

Okay. Get the fuck away from me, dude. No, the worst part is, so Dylan and I used to be forced to go to these meet and greets where we'd have to work events for our boss. And we'd be surrounded by drunk people. Of course, our boss would not demean himself to have to talk to the, fans that showed up to him. So then we'd,

oh, Kaelan, you'd be there too. We'd have to listen to the drunk fans and we'd have to be nice to them and they'd pull a Joseph on us. You know,

I've been listening to Adam. We're like, my wife and I first. No, I mean, well, my ex-wife, who,

you know, but anyway, he got, uh-huh. Didn't work out. Yeah, you know, but she liked that,

but he got a little too conservative for her, but anyway, so I started banging her sister. She's over here. Betty! Yeah, baby!

Anyway, She's fucking getting me a drink. You want one? Yeah, yeah. No, no, I'm all right. No, no, definitely not. Let's play a drink. This game's called...

Oh, I'm actually sorry. I have to go wipe up. Somebody shit on the floor or something in there. I have to go deal with that. I know. Hey, Ted, what's your name? My name's Charles. Oh, sorry.

I got to go stand in the hallway and wait for a car or something. Okay, well, this is inside baseball. But my thing is... I want to get the fuck out of here. Right. But Nathan cannot. He is locked in this chair. And this man has...

Stamina. Yes, he does. Stamina. All right. So then Cooper, Cooper. Hey, Cooper. But by the way, I want to say this, why did Nate not call one of the stews text them and say, can you come up here and tap on my shoulder? I think he was kind of like, he was enjoying it.

He was? I don't know how he could. Because he, dude, there's, I feel like people in the UK have a lot of like, they can have a lot of, I think Nate. been in this state before many times where you've just drank so much and you're just kind of like in the 17th mile of a marathon you're just kind of like I don't know it's not drinking no I know I think I think Nate would was liking it a little bit yeah okay hey today's episode is brought to by loomie I love loomie I need more loomy me too luckily for us we don't have to pay for it because we can get we can get it for samples yeah but I have paid for loommy

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that's L-U-M-I-Gummies.com, code bad TV. Loomigmys.com, code bad T. V! Thank you, Loomie, for sponsoring the show. Well, all right, so that's when Cooper finally arrives to relieve him, and Hosef goes for another hour concluding by telling him, this is Cooper, he tells him, he says, Caper.

My dad died when I was 14. Now, this is how much I've grown as a podcast. I was going to do a joke about Joseph's dad, not actually dying, but faking his death because he realized he raised a douchebag. He couldn't face what he created. He killed himself. No, no, no. He didn't die.

He faked his death. You were going to do that. And so he ran away and created a whole new identity and started another family. Right, like Kenny's dad on In the City. but then I said, Pat, you're better than that. Uh-huh. So then I didn't do the joke. What'd you do?

In place of it, just nothing? Nothing. No, I said, move on to the next part of the show. Got it, which is the next morning. Right. Next morning. Joy and Luke are the early birds on the deck. And they bonded over a few self-help.

Kayling, can you play that sound effect? Long is it? It's very long. Remember, he's stabbing her in the shower. Okay. I thought it was way shorter than that. The scene probably is, but I guess this is just... Okay. Anyways.

Is that kind of dang us on YouTube? Yeah, I'm not sure. Maybe that long. So I was thinking that could be used for joy as well. Because Joy is sitting here going... I mean, she has lots of cutaways. going, I will fucking show him what's the fuck, you know, and she's very, very scary. You know what?

This is a great point because at some point in the galley, she says, if I want him, I will have him. Right. I have all the power. I will ruin her season. I'll ruin her season. And also, she's only known him for four days. I'm telling you, she scares the shit on me. Every time we say joy, Kaelen, play that sound effect.

Now, Dylan, you'd kill me. Don't go for a super long time, just maybe like two or three seconds, but yeah. All right. Let's pick up where we are. Okay. It's the morning. I believe it's 7 a.m. Yeah.

Joy and Luke are on the deck. Shit. Not every time. No, every time. They bond over a few self-help mantras, which are, well, this is just, they said multiple. It's not the destination. It's the journey. That's a good one.

I agree. learned a lot from that one. And you need to see what you want to know that you need to achieve it. That's not as good a one. Blah, blah, blah, blab. Yeah, I agree. I hate that one. It's the secret.

You got to see it. You have to visualize what you want to achieve it. How do you know where you're going to go? You know, she's really taking a beating that woman. Who? A woman that wrote the secret. Multiple people wrote this, wrote the secret. It's not attributed to a single author.

Really? Mm-hmm. Oh, because I thought that there was a woman who was like selling her home in Montecito because she got so rich off the secret, but she didn't get a high enough asking price. And people were like, why didn't you just manifest a higher asking price? Go in the comments. I bought the secret.

It says it's written by, it goes back in history like a thousand years. It's this idea of, go ahead, look it up, Kaelan. That must have been amazing marketing. So the marketing behind the secret was that this was a generational tone that's been passed through the years and crystallized in what, 2007 for everybody or something? For Oprah Winfrey to sell. For Oprah free to sell. I bought it.

I actually utilized it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've heard great things about the secret. And if you've read the secret, let us know. Now, Joseph is also an early bird. And for our... Well, early burn and then a napper. Fair enough.

Right. I must ask, are older listeners, older than me, because I'm old. Yeah. What the hell are you doing up so fucking early? Old people don't sleep, man. Is that what it is? Yeah. Like, what are you doing it?

I asked my mom one time. I go, Mom, what are you doing up at 530? She's like, oh, I do a lot of stuff. I'm like, what? She's like, oh, I get up, I vacuum, my dust, I clean. That's a priority? Older people? Older people putter.

And this is the thing with older people. They have a lot of wisdom. So they appreciate the moments of tedium, the moments of emptiness, the quiet moments, the simple moments. And when you get up early, the chaos of the day has not descended upon you yet. So you can really putter. You can make a cup of coffee. You can stare at the ground. There's a lot of stuff he could do.

Meanwhile, we're up. We've got to get the kid change. You've got to get milk, got to get all this stuff. No, no, no. It's rat race as soon as we wake up. We got it all wrong, sister. You know what I'm talking about? Kay?

Who wrote the secret? So, Rhonda Byrne was the primary author, but then there's contributing authors four are listed. Three of them are guys. Is there somebody from the Byzantine Empire that wrote it or some shit like that? This makes, we got to get into a third minute of the show.

All right, fine. Okay. All right, Nate wakes up. He's still tasked with who will be the lead deck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Then, meanwhile, Joseph lets everyone know. I love his quandry.

I can't trust Joe, but the other ones have slammed the tender into things. So I don't know what I'm going to do. Joseph lets everyone know that him and Nate have buried the hatchet. And now they're pretty close. Hey, you know that guy? Fuck you, Nate, that guy? But he's good. I got to tell you, he's good.

And, uh, Sandy goes, wow, yeah. By the way, I love, it's amazing. I love how human beings

take away different things from the same conversation. Meanwhile, Nate's like, that fucking guy is a fucking annoying whack job. He kept me up all night. Talked. He's talking that fucking wanker all night.

Fuck, that fucking guy. As an old person, and I never want to be drunk, Joseph, as an old person, what you have to give is you're supposed to be giving wisdom and being a tutor to young people. Yeah, you're not supposed to be saying at 2.30 in the morning, six women pissed on me.

That's right. That's not wisdom. Unless you kind of turn it into a parable. I had $5 million and I fucking just tried to keep up with the Joneses. Yeah, yeah. Listen, listen, I think you're a fucking asshole, right? But let me tell you. Let me ask you question.

Riddle me this, huh? How do I go from $5 million in the red? I have $5 million and I have $100,000 in debt. How does that happen? I don't know, man. I got to watch the wind. I got to keep my eyes peeled on this way. Well, let me ask you another question.

How do I wind up in a dirty mattress in Nevada? I'm not even sure what part in Nevada I'm in. Six women are pissing on me. Does that happen? I don't know, dude. Again, I got to watch the wind. So, oh, look, Cooper, please sit down. Ew.

Yeah. Well, meanwhile, Kaley sets up the escape room, and she's still a little nervous because someone's looking over her shoulder. Yes. So that second stu position. Somebody is. Certainly not cat. Cats having a really, really good time. But Jen is not having a good time.

Oh, my God. Are you sure you not going to regret this? What are you talking about? Well, the... Oh, I'm not regretting anything. You said every time we say her name for him to play it. But I can take it back, though, no? Well, they take it back then.

All right. I think I'll take a break from those. From Jen. Yes. Yes. We're going to take a break from Jen. All right. What else is happening here?

Oh, Luke and Nate chat about relationships. Joy's getting ready for lunch, right? Yeah. Because they've got an excursion. That's right. And there's this problem because Jen and Joy are, both going to go. You know what? Let's take a break on joy. They are both a little boy crazy.

Yeah. And that's a nice way to put it. I will destroy her season. The idea that they've been on this boat for four days and are already being this competitive about not whether or not they'll survive or win a million dollars. but about who gets to bang the Neanderthal. Luke. Right. Now, I should say, and thank God we've paused, right? But Jen, after, I think maybe seven hours, was doing talking head interviews where she was calling

Kaylee a fucking dumb bitch. That's right. So Jen is a nutbag. Okay. Now, we love nutbags, and we'd love to talk to everybody on the show, right? We're nutbags. We're not bags. That's where people love us.

We're just a couple of nutbags. Well, we're authentic. I've heard in the podcasting world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what people are really connecting with. Totally. Well, Luke and Nate chat about relationships, and Luke mentions his little conundrum.

He has a sassy little chef and a girl who leaves Post-it notes on his tidy whitties. And I didn't know men were still wearing tidy whiteies. You guys, uh, tidy whitties? No. No. Boxers, right? No. Well, meanwhile, Kermit.

Who the fuck wears boxers? I think you're the last person. Boxers? If I'm the last person wearing boxers, then why this fucking Target have an entire shelf form? Well, I mean, we talked about the cheesecake a couple of days ago. You can't, you can't, inventory is perplexing, right? You know how many people are ordering an 1,800 calorie chicken piccata?

How's that happening? But they are. Fair enough. Yeah, do you wear boxers or boxer briefs? Boxer briefs, of course. You're essentially free-balling. That's what you're doing when you're wearing boxers. It's not safe.

And I don't know if you've tried it. You have such a skinny little body. I think a brief would feel really good. Well, I just don't like wearing the white things. I'm not telling you to wear a jockstrap. I'm not telling you to drive around Los Angeles and a fucking jockstrap. there are real you know what i'm going to get you a pair of briefs i'm going to get your pair of nice briefs are they going to have a nice little color scheme i can get you a fun color scheme i don't like

white have you soiled yourself a lot like what why do you not like like a good it just reminds me being in the fifth grade at summer camp right poop my pants all right i understand that i understand that i won't i won't get you white but there's a lot of these like really really nice i mean they're filled with carcinogens, but these kind of moisture wicking, I mean, they rot your balls, but you're done having children anyway, so it's fine. I'm looking forward

to this report back, because I don't think you're ever going to wear boxers ever. I like change. All right. Meanwhile, Kermit throws Jenna Bone. She's going to let her hang out with Luke and Joy at Oyster Bay. Yeah. It's going to be fun.

Later, Kaylee does a little sniffing around with the chefi and to see how she feels about Luke and I love Joy here. She's quick to pick up on what she's doing. She's like, what do you want? What are you doing here? Yeah. Little reconnaissance, huh?

And then she proceeds to announce, well, Jen wants that guy. I'll fucking ruin her. I'll ruin her season. Go ahead. Hit it. Sorry, that was pretty psycho of her to say that. Four days. Four fucking days.

It's hot. I would love a woman to want me that much. I'm telling you, dude, it's incredibly hot. When there's a, guys, guys go crazy for crazy women, okay? We do. Yeah. But I will say. So, everybody's so in love with Indy Navaretti.

I mean, that's a girl an obsession. Yeah, I want a woman to, you know, bash somebody's face in for me. You know, my wife would never do that. I'm going to say this up. I already said that twice. Joy is playing this right. Luke is she's not yes she is Luke is an idiot Luke clearly just wants to have sex with people and Joyce her her the way that she's playing this is I'm kind of into you but I'm not going to let you

milk the cow for free you need to show me you need to earn it Patrick the reason why joy is not playing this well is because there will come a time where he shows her that he's earned it and you and I know that that point does not exist in this plane of reality. There's nothing on this earth that could convince joy that he would be a reasonable partner. He's a sea rat. So what are we doing here? Well, there's not a lot to do on the boat. We have over to this island.

And she continues to do some really odd stuff. All right. Guests head out. Escape room and a dark dinner are planned. and on the boat ride over, Luke is sat between the girls. And he notices Joy's wearing a ring. Less have notices and more so is presented by Joy. This is my ring that my ex-boyfriend gave me.

And then awkward silence. Kailen, go ahead and hit that. Oh, God. Why are you showing me that? What the fuck is that? Why do you still have a ring from your boyfriend? Well, he showed me the world. He taught me I should be a chef.

and learn the culinary. Yes, he read history. But then. Then he cheated on me, that motherfucker. And I don't trust men. Now what you just handed this guy over here. Yeah. Is a reason to not pick you.

Now, you have not written a book for women on how to close ass for less money. But if you were a guy... Oh my God, you just gave me a million-dollar idea. A billion dollar. idea. But I can't, that would go gangbusters. Here is this. For the new listeners, I have a book coming out in 2027. White guy telling women how to get paid. What's white guy have to do with that? It's a great question. I have a book coming out called Cracking the Code, How to Close Ass for No Money. Bitches Edition.

I like that. I don't know if my publisher wants that. Who's your publisher? I'm in negotiations. my agent, Brian. Okay. Brian is a paraplegic who has a stoma from the burns talking to him. Makes me uncomfortable. Okay. I'll call my assistant Yahoo. Okay.

So what the fuck are we talking? Okay. All right. All right. All right. I was going to say that if it was a guy, you would caution. them to tell a sexual target, don't say I've been cheated on in every relationship I've ever been.

Never say that to a guy. Don't ever say that. Because if it's a male predator, he just sees you as prey. Yes. The best thing to do is what your mom or your elders told you early, early on. And I don't think women are teaching their children this anymore. hopefully they are or their daughters. Don't give the milk away for free.

Make a man wait. Make a man wait. And also, your sexual history is none of their fucking business. Exactly. Unless you have some kind of biohazard. Then you need to tell somebody about that. There you go.

Yeah. Oyster Island. I don't think Luke would care though. Go ahead. Oysters. I hate them personally. But I'll eat our first. fried oyster or clam.

How do you feel about raw? I know this guy over here probably likes oysters. I much prefer a raw oyster to a fried oyster. Fried oyster is quite literally coated. The quality is concealed. With a raw, it's right there. I know it. I know it.

Did that taste like a, I don't know, like, good? Then it's good. Because you're saying fried just masks it to the point where you don't even know what it is. You're just chewing on batter and tartar sauce, right? Exactly. So fried makes everything taste good. Makes hair taste good. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. A little strand of fried hair. It was delicious. Everybody knows that. Thank you. Just like a fried twink. Do you get a chicken nugget when you go to McDonald's? Uh, no.

You just get French fries. Well, I don't eat at McDonald's. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. When was the last time you ate at McDonald's? I don't eat at McDonald's. But my kids do.

And occasionally, I might walk by them and pick up a couple of French fries. Okay. So I guess that's me eating at McDonald's. But when was the last time you actually ate there? Bought food from there two years ago. Okay. That place is disgusting. It's poison.

Yeah. It doesn't taste like it did. First off, I don't eat a lot of meat, but it does not, it does not taste like it did years ago. I'm derailing us. Sorry, it is, I don't know what kind of food that is anymore. It's processed something. We're eating humans.

Yeah. Kaelin, you eat oyster? Seafood is my favorite food. So I eat everything. Pat, you be a new McDonald's. franchisee. I'm going to be McDonald's. I'm going to hand the keys. Hey, I'm really excited. We're excited to have you. All right. There was a lot of competition for this location and you and your family had such an amazing story. So it's $175,000 to get in the door? Yes, it is. And you're

going to be serving human. Comments, questions, concerns. So we heard you and your family are going to be slinging human. So we heard. So we heard. heard our return. Sorry, let me shuffle some papers. Okay. We heard our return could be 10x. We could probably see me.

Could be. Yeah, you're going to need to sell a lot of human flesh. But I will tell you that we have found that our best franchisees are those that are best at getting homeless people away from the restaurant. So what we found is that let's say we're a little light on inventory. We've got a shipping. delay. There are a lot of logistics concerns in today's economy.

Meat is meat. So do with that what you will. What I'm saying is you can solve your problems. Sign us up. Yeah. Well, you're signed up. We're really, really happy to have you. You guys still own the land? Yes, heavens. And no parties either. Don't go crazy. Okay.

Meanwhile. All right. Meanwhile, Cooper practices the tender. and the guest head back. Cooper does run the tender into things. Yes. Young man. Because it's opposite steering. It's like when you pick up a friend's controller and they have, you know, inverted aiming and you're like,

what's going on? Joe and Nate are back on. I guess the bromance is picked up. And then Kate and... Did he promote him at this point? No, not yet. Joe and... I'm sorry, Kay and, oh, what I call?

Cat. No, wait. Kay and Joe flirt, and she lets him know she doesn't see him as boyfriend material. And don't worry about that because he doesn't either. Right. But he's going to make you think that he's boyfriend material. And then when he finally gets you to think that, he will try to bang Captain Sandy or something. He'll do whatever he can to hurt you.

Dinner in the dark, Dill, will you have any notes on the food with this? It's hard. I mean, we had a restaurant in Ventura called Opeake. Did this shit? This was not an SNL sketch. This was a restaurant called Opeake where you dined in the dark. Now, did I go? Of course not.

This is reserved for lemmings that walk through Las Vegas restaurants like this, okay? Because it's stupid to eat in the dark. But you eat three times a day. So, you know, once in your life, you might as well try it, right? Right. I don't think a business can survive something like once. No, it's important. It's important to not turn your, to not have a gimmick and then make an entire business around that.

That's, that's really tough. Circus freaks can do that, but they're part of a bigger. Well, they move to the next town. Yeah. And the next week. Exactly. But we're not at the dinner yet. Oh, we're not?

I don't think so, right? Yeah. I, I mean, we get a little C-Rat from Jen. Oh, we're back on. Yeah. She lets us know she's never been believed in. She's always been second. This is a very bizarre confession from Jen, who says, I have a problem with this all second stu thing.

Because when I was a kid, my parents thought that all of these other kids getting jobs at law, and doctors offices were better than me. So that's why I became a C rat. And you go, what did you just say? How did that? What is going on? Well, you know, co-workers, parents, everything. And no one ever believed in her.

And then she finally became a C rat. Now look at her. She's not believed in. Oof. I know. Jen's having a tough time. And I actually do kind of feel for her. But, you know, love to have her.

around the show. She has a fucking nutback. All right. So let's talk about the dinner. Yeah. The dinner is all dark, zero dark 30. What a fool he is, right? It's like you can hear that's a fucking, that's a Navy seal. Oh, you guys here to help me? Hey, what's going? Boom. He was so lonely. He'd been around his harem and children for such a long time. He was just starved for some kind of, you know, brum, That's why he came out and got shot. Hey, did they leave? Yeah, yeah.

He was never killed, though. No. He's still around. I think he put up a little bit of a fight because he didn't want to shave the beard. It's like, come on. You want to play golf or not? Shave the beard. He's like, all right, God will forgive me.

But yeah, I know we buried him at sea and a closed casket. Yeah, give me a break. This is not conspiracy social club, okay? This is bad. And we're not talking about Osama bin Laden Lodge, right? Check out conspiracy. Or not. So we are doing a dinner in the dark.

The first course is a tomato tart. Completely fine. With a roast tomato tar, probably a goat's milk or sheep's milk cheese on the bottom. Depending on the quality of the vinaigrette, you use the olive oil. I think it could be a star dish. lovely way to start off a meal. You can't see it, but that's fine,

even though tarts are usually just a sight to behold. So beautiful. Then we get to a frequent crime. The surf and turf. So that's the first one of the season. It's episode four,

which is good. That's good for this show. but I think that despite joy demonstrating a lot of culinary ability, I think that if we hit four surfing turfs this season, it's going to render it all useless and she'll just be. Might as well be serving fucking dominoes. Domino brownies,

because how much fucking steak and lobster can people eat, right? You got to say no to that stuff. If you have integrity as a chef, you say no. If you have integrity as a chef, you say no, you serve lobster spring girls, 15 times. Could we argue this? Zero pots.

Could we argue she's playing to the crowd? The crowd does not inspire my art, is what I'm saying. Okay, fair enough. Yeah, zero pots. Escape room game. The game is fun, but it is fun. Very well done. And it prompts Kermit to compare, I believe it's K to herself, her younger self.

Yeah. Yeah. Kermit says where she worked very hard. She drank like a sailor. She sounded like a Muppet, and she talked a lot about eating balls and I guess hooked up with a lot of guys. Not a lot.

I think I know what you're kind of driving up. What? Not a lot of change. Right. But I don't think Kay sound like a Muppet. Well, she kind of sounds like a bit of a Muppet. But, yeah, no, Aisha is now, she's different. She's not as fun.

No, I'm kidding. Asia's a lot of fun. And we love Aisha. I love Aisha. But the difference is she has grown a lot. She's matured a lot. She's now a really good manager. She knows how to pick people that aren't psychos and people who are good at leading teams.

And now she's falling in love with Scott. And she's shitting in buckets. So it's good. Dead air is death. I beg to differ. Next morning. All right. Next morning.

Nate makes Joe the lead decan. I love Joe's response. Yeah. He needs me. It's about time. And I'm going to tell you. If I wasn't here, we'd all be dead.

Nathan's right to not trust Joe. Joe would slit Nathan's throat. And he'd have sex with his baby mama in a minute. In a minute. the reason why he doesn't like Gale is because Gail wouldn't have sex with him That's why he doesn't like her

Right I guess leave with a Thick envelope I mean I'll leave them with Yeah usually a guest will leave Oh we should say Joseph takes a picture of Nathan So he can beat off to it later

But the guests leave an envelope And they go Here's an incredibly thick envelope for you. Now, usually we have people kind of underplaying it a little bit. Kind of like when you were like, I've been in Luke's position. It's tough. They go, here's a little token of our appreciation, right? And it's $20,000 to $30,000. Here we have the biggest tip in below deck history, which I would argue would not be hard. Dill, say you and I were fortunate enough to go with eight other people on this fucking boat.

you don't think we would have scraped up eight people $6,000 each with a full fucking pay trip to go to $48,000. This actually speaks to how cheap the former people. Yeah, I mean, I have to start investing in like blue chip stocks and stuff like that for my daughter and getting a college fund and stuff like way behind on that. So I don't think that I would ever pay. I don't ever think I'd tip these C-Rat specifically. $6,000 because what they're doing is they're writing each other's notes and making out with each other and then spitting in each other's faces and then going and serving. I'm saying if you're a thirsty fucking douchebag that wants your vacation recorded on television

and you're kicking in six or ten grand for four days vacation, it leads nothing to you. Not bad. I'm about to go up to Napa. That's going to cost me four grand. Right. Right. Okay. So.

Well, you're a boosy bitch, though. Well, I'm not a boozy bitch. All right. So anyway, uh, 50 grand. I think they play hallelujah. Hallelujah. No, not that one. Hallelujah.

By the way, when American Idol, when they would cut, get down to the final six, some motherfucking 14 year old would start singing that. Get out of here. you little eunuch? Nate is handed his $4,000 and he said, I won't have another baby. Yeah. Sorry.

I have nothing to say to that. I have nothing to say to that. By the way, I miss the comment cards because I think Joseph would have something to say. The comment cards were on below, uh, down and a day. Yeah.

All right. Anyway. One star piece of shit, wouldn't arm wrestle. Six women pissed on me. How? Enjoy your money. Get pissed on.

This guy drunk when he wrote this? All right, water taxi. Jen is very aggressive. Go ahead, yeah, it's fine. He played it. I heard. Jen is getting very aggressive with Luke and wants his attention. And then we learn she's very much like Joy been cheated on in every relationship.

Yeah. Ooh, Jesus. There are more, you know what? Men are pigs. You don't want to say this because men will think that you're bad in bed. Right. But Joy and Jen, I'm not. going to say they're 100% similar, but they're,

uh, they're very alike, actually. Yeah, I think so. They have, uh, paranoia about enemies that do not exist. Uh, they are extremely territorial and psychotic. Yeah. All right. At dinner,

everyone's yucking it up. Uh, K flirts with Joe. Oh, you want to flag that? Do you do? I thought it might have been a good cold open, but whatever. It's fine. I'm sorry. Uh,

And Gil knows Nate's boat docked about six hours ago. So she's like, where the fuck are you? But like a good guy, he's like, hey, I got to go home now. Yeah, he's like, hey, listen. And it wasn't that text. Hey, listen, I've enjoyed my three and a half hour dinner with you guys. But I am a father. I have responsibilities.

Can you imagine, I think about Gail. Poor fucking Gail. just traveling halfway across the planet to be close to Nathan when, I don't know what kind of family support they have at home, but she is just completely on her own for all of this. And then he pops in at night here and there. And it's just, it's got to be so fucking tough. Ouchy.

Ouchy, mama. All right. Joy calls Luke over to the table and he kneels down in a dominant, like she's in a dominant position. says, look, I'm not giving you anything until you show me love. Yeah. Four days. Right.

Four days. Okay. I guess these things happen very fast. Yeah, no, they happen very fast. It's a pressure cooker. We talk about it all the time, but Shutter Island. After dinner, Nate leaves, and then they hit the club. Coup and Cat, these two cuties.

I love these two cuties. I love them. Joe and Kay Dance. They're... Well, Cat says I'm usually attracted to rat boys. I know, like Pete Davidson. And Timothy Shalame. And then some other idiot that...

She said young Jimmy Fallon. Uh-huh, yeah. And the other one is... She said, guys, it looks sickly. Can I tell you, I'm seeing... I don't want to shit on the bear if you like the bear, but I see these trailers for the new season, and I just laugh.

I mean, it's just the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. He, Kalen, loves the bear. Oh, my God. Couldn't be more wrong. This. building does not define us. The family is, I'm sorry, is this a fucking half-time talk? Like, what is going on in this show?

I thought you're making sandwiches. Kalen? The first show, I mean, the first season was great. It went all the way downhill. I will admit, I couldn't sleep last night. I'd binge the whole third season, the whole last season finished it. And I hate it.

This is where we always go. All right. I'm going to give some advice to writers, but like, they don't like they're not in power to do this yeah every show should end after the second or third season because everyone's run out of ideas right right right every show only has an arc of three seasons you don't you don't think was bad what watchman oh yeah that was great but that was based on a comic book that had been fully flushed up but they retooled it though and it was one season and they stopped yeah that was great that's a great show yep

All right, where are we? Let's wrap this up. All right. Jenon asked to speak to, thanks, to Luke to confront him about not wanting to be second. Next to Joy. This is a magnificent play, the guilt trip. Oh, yes. This is brilliant from Jen.

And I want to speak to how manipulative women can be. Oh, okay. Yeah. Um, she says, uh, you know, I've been second in my life at everything. Yeah. And this sucker. Right. Because, well, I don't want you to feel like that.

I don't want you to feel like that. Sorry, if I have sex with, if, if I have sex with you, will you not feel like that? That's right. Oh, wow. Yeah. No, totally. In a moment of comforting in a way that only a man can. Yeah.

He says, if I put my penis in you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And then you don't tell anybody about it. Well, that make you feel about it. 100%. Cut two. Let me put it in.

I'm going to put it in. Don't tell anyone about this. Hit it. Next week. Cut to, hey, I think we went way too fast. I need to take a step back.

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