Another Below Deck Podcast - Zombie Heads and Muffins | Below Deck Down Under S4 E2

Episode Date: February 10, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down Love is Blind, Savannah Guthrie, the unhoused, Anglerfish, Star Wars, zoos, Buffalo Bill and more from Bravo's Below Deck MediterraneanPATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

Also, Alicia forgot that Jason was supposed to be in attendance. Just kind of lays a plate down. And I love the honesty. You know, he's like, why didn't you tell me that? And she just said, I forgot. What are you talking about? Why didn't I tell you that? I forgot to tell you.

Hi. What's up? I got to say, Kailen is tyrannical today. I know. I mean, comes in here like he owns a fucking place. He's walking in here. He's got signage. And I got to say, the room is too cold for me.

And when it's too cold for me, that's a problem. It's bad TV. I'm Dylan. That's Pat. Oh, we're doing the show? Yep. Oh, great to be here. Permitia to come aboard.

Our dictatorial producer, Kaelin is here joining us as well. It's a big deal. We got an A-list or coming in a ball. He doesn't care about us. You can tell. He doesn't deny it. We were, uh, Kailen's got an A-List. A lister.

I got a lot on my mind. Kailen's got a lot of children. He's got a lot on his mind. He's going to be at the studio to 4 o'clock in the morning tonight. But Pat told me that he asked Kalen to see if we could talk to the A-Lister after and Kaylin just said no.

And Pat said, Kailin, what you do is you say, let me see and then you don't see. That's right. And then you get back to us and you just lie. Yeah. Don't just say no. No, right.

No, I don't take kindly to that, actually, sir. It's rude. Do you know how many times I've told you, Kaelan? Let me check, Caitlin. I don't check. Right. Right. It's like, it's just good gameplay.

Thank you. Okay. Speaking of gameplay, you can listen to the traders at patreon.com slash another podcast network. We have Love is Blind coming next week, probably. When are they dropping everything? They're dropping this week Wednesday. They're dropping on Wednesday.

Yeah, dude. We got to record all day, Thursday. or something. Okay. All right. So Love is Blind will be a Patreon. Are we going to put the first episode for free or something? Maybe give them a little taste.

We'll talk about it, probably. Because, yeah, we have to give the people, I mean, America's favorite game outside of family food is, is it Love is Blind Music or isn't? Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, I don't know, for whatever reason, our listeners,

They just love to listen to us talk about love is blind, which is now people that are unemployable lying to each other behind a wall for two and a half weeks. I don't know why people still like that show, but they do. I look like Megan Fox. No, you don't. Oh, my God, you lied to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then the guys are like, I work in real estate, which is that's also a lie. You live in your parents' basement and you point to, God, my favorite, the last season that we covered, and we'll get to blow a deck in one second, but one of the couples, he went into his childhood home,

which is his current residence. And he pointed to a bookshelf, which was like the kind of child's bookshelf. And it had like Percy Jackson books and like mockingbird and stuff like that. And she was like, oh my God, you read all those? There were like seven books. He was like, yeah, pretty much read all those fucking books, yeah.

Oh, my favorite one was he was so broke and such a loser because every time she'd get out of the car, he'd got a car, she'd go out, pump some gas and he'd always like make an excuse. Oh, that guy. Yeah, he was the guy that every time he'd walk near a bank, the bank would tell him to fuck off. Yeah, but he forgot to mention behind those walls, you know, that he had no credit.

Right. Yeah. He actually had minus credit. He had 115 credit score, and you're right. And it's a very rare thing for bank tellers to do, which is a kind of preemptive barring of entry. Like he wasn't even going to the bank. They get out from behind the glass. They tell him to fuck up. No, the, I don't know if a bank can talk, but the bank would say get out of here. Yeah. Yeah. So anyways, that's common. We're going to be doing that. We're going to be doing that. Let's get into the episode. episode two of Bravo's below deck. Dan, on that.

Thoughts, pots. Can I do a little housekeeping with, because it was a crossover with Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. If you're a fan of that or not a fan of that, the girl that dressed up like a taxi threw up, that girl, her name is Bronwyn. Bronwyn. Okay, so this week she announced a new relationship with a guy.

No. The guy looks like a model. Really? Yeah. And the guy that she was dating. Oh, I'm going to pull this. up really quickly. Yeah, he looks like an underwear model. And the guy that she was married to for 12 years looked like a woolly mammoth. I was like, well, what a relief to not imagine you sleep on

another planet when you're having sex with a dude. You know what I mean? Yeah, because despite our most valiant efforts, we cannot astro project the way that cats can. You know, when a fucking bloated millionaire is slamming away at you, you can go to a different place. But, you know, It doesn't really change the dynamics of what's happening. But, and I can't remember who said it. I think it was Bethany Frankel. If you marry for money, you pay for it the rest of your life. Really?

Wow. Pretty, uh, pretty cogent. Pretty, pretty, uh, well, what's the word I'm looking for? Kalan, what's the word I'm looking for? We'll just go with profound and we'll move on. That's a good word. Okay. So this episode, can I give thoughts and pots?

Sure. Um, adored. We, we, we need some kind of, um, and have, has Savannah Guthrie got her, her mother back? No, I'm going to make a prediction on that one. You know, we have a lot of listeners that aren't in this country. They probably have no idea what we're talking about. Big newscaster on the today show. I know you have different versions of the today.

Sweet woman. Sweet woman, very nice person. And, uh, her mom who's 84 has been missing for like nine. days now. Her brother-in-law definitely did it. Do you think? By the time you probably drop this, there is no reason why someone would abduct an 84-year-old woman. It had to be someone in the house. I think it's her brother-in-law and I think her sister might have something to do with it. Oh, I thought you were for sure saying that the woman is dead. Yeah, she is. Oh, got it. So you're saying that too. Yeah.

It makes absolutely no sense that some rando would come in there and just scoop up an 84-year-old woman. Now, there is no ransom. She is not with us anymore. And the brother and sister. You know, it's got me thinking who is easier to kidnap a child or the elderly? Probably the elderly. Yeah. Kids can, I saw some kids running around here.

Oh, yeah. The Super Bowl party? Oh, yeah. A couple of demons, you know. Oh, yeah. You called one a demon. You said, I don't like that one. I didn't like him.

He screamed too loud and scared my daughter. Yeah. I didn't like that one. I sure he's a nice kid, though. Sure. All right. So I thought it was a fun episode. We have some more stuff with the housewives.

Too much of that. We already watched that on us doing the coverage of Real Housewives to Salt Lake City. It was a little too much for me. I'm very excited to talk about Ben. Because Ben's food, it's interesting that we have this Jedi Padawan thing going on because Ben is one of the most underwhelming culinary professionals we've ever had on the show. And Ben rests on the laurels of the kind of fare that flew in the early days of below deck. But what with eater and infatuation and bon appetit and just kind of the culinary

education that the world has been afforded of late, it's just piles of shit on plates. So, so, so the confidence and the egotomania and the rudeness towards Alicia, while I understand it because Alicia is just a little hopeless right now, it would land a little better if you were better at what you did. I mean, we made a zombie head today for people that aren't paying anything, but they're tipping $40,000 or whatever they are. 71 pots. Very good. Totally agree with your assessment of Ben. He is definitely resting on his laurels. But I, I have to say this about anything in the creative arts, music, film, well, actually, I'll take that back with film.

People can still do better as they evolve. Martin Scorsese, some of his best work has happened as he's gotten older. Not really. No? No. You know, but musicians, you know, your first and second record is the best, and then you just keep doing different versions of these first records. Sure.

I mean, think of the Goo Goo Goo Dolls. Oh, I was just going to say, or Green Day, you know. Right. But no, no band ever does a record. their ninth record is their best record. It just never happens. No, no, no. And the same goes with food.

I think whatever he was doing in 2005 is what he is currently doing now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think food, food can reinvent itself a little bit easier than those other art forms actually. Not if you're not willing to kind of take yourself back to school and evolve. Ben's lazy is my point. Who's that, what's that, the fray? I mean, you look at the fray records. I know.

You know, I mean, it's the same thing. Yeah. And then there's Cole play. Right, right, right. And you should break down that the lead singer of, I believe, three doors down recently lost his life. So we're going to need to. We'll have a moment of silence and the guitar player of cake. One of the worst bands on the planet earth.

And that is, that's my obituary for him. Well, let's go the distance with a moment of silence for those two right now. Don't laugh during the moment of silence. moment of silence. Kaelan. No, no, no. All right,

let's get into the show. He's going for speed. How do you even write that? Oh, and then by the way, that's when you come in, Larry, with the trumpet.

Who the fuck writes this horse shit? All right. Last we left off, we were, did you give pots? No. All right, give pots.

I'm going to just do what's going on in the galley because that's the best part of the whole show so far. Yeah. All right, while Alicia did come on this boat, unprepared.

It was a horrible decision on her part. She was not to go to culinary school to actually kind of help herself here. No, she was skiing. She was skiing. That's right. And then now she is being made fun of and then chef is bullittling her at every opportune time. That being said, she has now waived the white flag. She has now said, I give up.

I suck. And so if she stays and it's not by her. choice. It's by Captain Hotpants saying, you know, we'll have you stay, whatever. Now it is the fault of production and the boat. It is no longer her fault. Right. Okay. You could get worse now. She can get worse. Yeah. I don't know if that's possible. Well, I'm just saying you're allowed to get worse if you choose to do so. Right. Now, one piece of advice I would have given Alicia is the second chef, chef, chef Ben left the galley after he threw your breakfast muffins in the trash. Yeah. I would have pulled one of them out and just cracked it open to see if it had cooked through.

Right. Then I want to thrown it at his head if he lied. You know, it's so funny. I'm, I was laughing because I was thinking back a little bit earlier to when we, before we recorded when Kalen asked if he could leave the chairs outside in the rain. And you were like, Kalen, shut, figure it the fuck out. Okay. Was I, was I a little chef bed there?

You guys were, you were a little chef bed there. It was very tense in here before we started recording. You thought so? Yeah, I think so. But I think it's good now. First of, I've been friends with you two assholes for over a decade. No, I know. That's a good thing about us.

We can really get over stuff very quickly. Okay. Are you still mad at me, Kail? No, of course not. Oh, by the way, he did this little passive-aggressively. After we got in the fight, the mic start on, he goes, he goes, like this, he goes, noted. Oh, okay. What did you note?

I thought you meant the other thing. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. All right. Today's episode is brought to you by Lummi Gummies, our favorite. I'm on them now. That's why I'm so consistent.

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Anyway, and that's our behind the curtain. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was fun. We don't fight a lot, but today we did. Okay, so let's get into the episode after you. Okay, so I can't do 14 knots anymore. Well, you can. 41 knots.

Okay. Did you take the numbers and flip them around? I bite them. All right, last we left off, we were feuding, and this made dinner. service challenging because when women are fighting, food is not important other than ballistically, I guess. When anybody's fighting, you know, I want to backtrack, when the real housewives are fighting, that is what I meant to write.

Food is not important. I do want to break down what this fight was over because it's important for the audience that doesn't follow the housewives. Help me, help me remember. Oh, sure, sure. This fight was over one woman saying that another woman's husband was cheating on her. And she had learned this from a person on TikTok who was repeating it from information that was posted on Reddit. Right.

Yeah. The internet is a wonderful place. Well, journalism is a wonderful. Oh, and two women that aren't yelling at each other, one of them convinced people that God was talking through her and she stole a bunch of their shit. Right, right, right. And there are nails sticking out of the pews of their church. You're welcome. So regardless, we play.

And what we played is Pankowahua, okay, which has a, a branding problem. But it is alongside wilted broccoli and sweet potato. It looks like a pale cock with two balls and a kind of infected urethra, the herb or catheter that's coming out of it. It's just an unsightly dish.

It's really, really gross. Thank you, wank you. Vile presentation, an overwhelming dish. I'd give it 17 pots. I probably would not have eaten it. Mikey delivers the fish to Angie. Angie and MC who are not upstairs.

And Angie says, Malacu or something like that in Greek. And they fucking... She thinks Mike's cute. All right. Back in the kitchen, Ben and Alicia are still navigating their relationship. And we get ready for another dish to round out the outfit changed dinner. As Lisa Bartlett refers to it.

It is a deconstructed cheesecake with dark chocolate sauce. Okay. Okay. So the cheesecake, it has no volume or form. fluffiness whatsoever. They're dead lifeless medallions of cheesecake. The chocolate sauce is from a bottle because Ben, despite the galley and extra hands did not feel the need to temper chocolate. He is lazy. And this is a very uninspired kind of seeing the sausage being made that, I don't know about you, but it just turned the brightness down.

on life for me for a little bit. Yeah. It was really, really, really, um, it was really grotesque. I would give this dessert actually zero pots. Zero pot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. There was a nice, there was a nice swipe.

So I'll give it one pot. Mm. Pank you, wank you. What is that from? Uh, the pink, uh, the Pankue wank you. Got it. You know, I do want to say this. I do want to say this.

The point of crosovers, right, for these damn shows is, uh, I think they're still trying to figure out like, hey, there's a lot of people that watch Below Deck, and there's a lot of people that watch Housewives, and they don't, both audiences don't know about each other. I must say this. The crossover, I think, helped Below Deck better than Salt Lake City, because

if you watch Below Deck, I think you were watching these housewives yow at each other. I don't think it did their show any favors. No, I don't think so either, but it gave them a free thing to do on the television show, and it was a great three-episode arc. So, also, Alicia forgot that Jason was supposed

to be in attendance. Just kind of lays a plate down. And I love the honesty. You know, he's like, why didn't you tell me that? And she just said, I forgot. What are you talking about? Why didn't I tell you that? I forgot to tell you.

So the sea rats have to set these plates down while the women are screaming. And Ben decides that he's not going to stand any longer for this failure of recognition. Okay, so he's going to go up there and remind these women who the fucking star on the ship is. He is ignored. He stands there like he was picked last for about three minutes and then just saunters downstairs. And I don't know if he was quoting them or referring to them as bitches, but he is not happy. Okay. Be uncomfortable at Bravo God next year.

Yeah. So, Brittany tries to head up to the crow's nest to give a little J-Man, I think a dry hand job. And he refuses. Yeah, I love how she told Jared on the actual season of Real House. So I saw it like, hey, I heard you were flirting with a lot of guys. No. Yeah, yeah. Clearly you were.

And it's such a fucking, forgive me, but it's such a bar hag line. Like, I just want to get out of here. Yeah. I just want to go somewhere. Go back to your room and stare at a wall. That's another place. I'm just trying to get out of here. You want to go somewhere?

Jesus Christ. Bronwyn says, I'm just happy it makes sense that she's attracted to somebody. Like, implying that by the way, I should rephrase that. Like, I'm just,

I'm happy that it, her being attracted is to somebody actually makes sense. Bronwyn, you're married to a wardhog. You're fucking like a water. Waterlogged goblin. So what are you talking about? You have to be more self-aware.

Let's get to the next day. Next morning. Bronwyn wakes like a very well-off unhoused. You know, I always worry about that with the unhoused. Though after time, they seem to really not care. People walking by and their sleep is not disturbed. No, no, no, no, no. Right, right, right.

And it's amazing, the longer you are out there in those environs, The cultural and societal customs that we all adhere to, lanes, traffic lights, public space, they start to just dissipate to the unhoused. By the way, I love the unhoused advocates. They always go like, I was like, oh, man, today I was over in an unhoused area and they'll go like, that's, excuse me, sir, that's their living area. I'm like, oh, well, that's fine. Why is it such a fucking dump?

There's trash all around it. Can they clean their living room up? Well, forgive me. I'm allowed to do whatever I want to my living room. I mean, is that a crazy thing to say? Are you allowed, forgive me, are you allowed to come into my kitchen and say, this is dirty, this isn't how I would like to do it?

It's a good point. Yeah, it is a really good point. So Daisy tells Mike, um, um, oh, Daisy takes Mike. This is going to happen a lot more.

This is what Daisy does. She monopolizes crew. That's right. And Daisy has, I have PTSD with Daisy. Me too. She's got a couple of these moments in the show that like, it's not enough to really highlight,

but they're just these little burps of who she actually is. Yeah. And I know that it's coming. Yeah. Don't worry. She'll ruin. this franchise too. Yeah.

Can I do it? Meanwhile, Master Jedi Ben is willing to take Alicia under her wings and teach her a lot of things. This didn't go too well. And I will say her knife skills. Did you watch her here? Yeah. They weren't that good. My son's,

my son's knife skills are better than hers. I watched him yesterday. And then after he tried to cut up something, he tried to eat glue. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Quentin is such a boy. I mean, he came up to me yesterday at the party. and he just held a donut out to me.

And I was like, uh, what's up? And he just said donut. And I was like, uh, yeah, it is.

And he just held it out further and said, donut. I said, I don't want that. And then he, he pulled it back in and he walked on. That's right. It's just a lot of fun.

Can you believe his knife skills are better than Alicia? Yeah, I can because she's cutting, I believe a lime or an avocado, something, uh, grain with a pairing knife. And you know,

the old, kind of the bubbyes and the maternal figures of this world often cut things with knives that are not suitable to that situation but they've been doing it for so many decades that it makes sense. Not with Alicia.

It's scary. So we get to a place called the Tobago Keys. Everything on this show sounds like a map in Donkey Kong country. It's like okay. Anyways there are a ton of

turtles there and Jason says that he hopes the tranquility of underwater will ease the tension. I don't, I'm just speaking for these two podcasters. There's nothing tranquil about underwater. No, it's scary place. It's dark. Have you, have you seen an angler fish? I have. Nothing scarier.

Yeah. Nothing. I mean, you know, you see the strangers, right? And stuff like that happens. just so horrifying. The film strangers where three randos show up at your house and knife you to death. Right. Why are you doing this?

You were home. Right. Oh, horrifying. Not as scary as an angler. A little light bulb above its head. Why does it have a light bulb above it? I mean, think about that. This demon, it is so comfortable.

It's like Bane. It is so comfortable in the dark that it evolves to have a fucking flashlight come out of its head. Dylan, I was bold of the darkness. Come over a second. eat your fucking head. What is that little thing that's melting its face onto your body? Oh, that's my husband.

It's how he inseminates me. He dies to do it. It's like, I don't want anything to do. There is nothing tranquil about this. God damn. All right, let's talk onions and shallots.

Well, I was going to say, did we already do the pole anchor thing? We're going to, oh, no, no, sorry.

We've got anchor issues. Yeah, yeah, but ultimately, uh, Jowowah, and Endor. figure it out.

Her name is Betul. We should just call her the virgin. I don't think she's a virgin. I know, but her dad thinks she is. Her name's hard to remember, so I'll always just name her a planet in Star Wars. I don't think you know that many planets in Star Wars. Oh, yes, I do.

Do four. No, no. I got to save it for the show. She's got lots of names, too. All right. Tatooine, Endor. I'm out. What's the?

What's the, what's the place that they, the lava place? Where Darth Vader's home is? Yeah. Mustafa. Mustafa. It's so, Star Wars sucks. It's so dumb. I love, I love how they just, they spend hundreds of millions of dollars on a movie and they just go, that actually doesn't count.

We're not counting that one. Yeah. That would suck. That's so crazy. Did you see, uh, did you see the trailer for the, um, uh, for, uh, for, uh, Mandalorian and Grogo? I get to watch it in here. Were you in here when the Disney guy came in?

We were with a big Disney to do and he came in. He goes, I want to see you watch this. It's coming up after the commercial break. I want to get your opinion on it. I would have loved to have been there. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Yeah. They were doing, making fun of a Bud Light commercial.

Are we allowed to say anything? Probably what, what? With Kalin? Yeah. Ask him. What about our guest or what? No, about the movie. That movie.

How do you guys not know what I'm talking about? The movie, how... What are you talking about? How do you not know what I'm talking about? Are we allowed to say things about the movie? That we know about the movie? Star Wars? And the cast?

What are you talking about? How do you guys not know this? Oh, no, his dad's not in that movie. Oh, he's not. No, it ended up being a movie called... Oh, I can't say the name of the movie, but it comes out... Are we even allowed to say this? I have no idea what we're not...

Your dad's... Are you kidding? My dad was in an episode of Mandalorian. I don't know what you're referring to other than that. I thought he was supposed to be in some movies, some big Star Wars movie. It's not Star Wars. It's, but it's, sorry, Dylan.

Misinformation. All right, sorry. It's a huge movie, but it's not that one. Okay. Can we say that? Yeah, it's not a franchise movie. Okay. All right.

All right. Sorry for the audience. Still, I would have loved to be here by that Disney Bigwick. Look at that. That's going to be a pile of shit. That's going to be a pile of shit. And you know that's going to be a pile of shit, you know? I think it's going to be good.

Okay. This is, you've been burned so many times. This one's going to be good. All right. So we've got anchor issues. They're not flaking it properly. And obviously this is the scariest thing, right? Maybe even scarier than an angler.

Big chains, hand ripped off, bloody stumps. Just the whole thing is really, really spooky. I will say this, though, at least finally, they explained it well. I kind of got the process. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. like, yeah, the chain is like Evan Rachel Wood in the film 13. If given too much room to do whatever

you want, we're going to huff keyboard cleaner. You need to, you know what I'm saying? Wow. She's a huffer. Right. Wow. Just like that anchor. Let me know if you get a, let's talk onions and shallots and Ben's bipolarity. Sometimes he's fun. Sometimes he's mean. And then sometimes he's actually meaner. And they, again, this is where, like, Marco Pierre White can be mean because he is a young master of the French classics, right? He can do things to pig trotters that you cannot do. Ben's special breakfast is a pecorino-romano omelet,

otherwise known as a cheese omelet. So it's just a little bit different. While Angie starts boasting about her, $11 million home. Joe? Jenna. Jenna. Joe left because her grandma wasn't too well. Got it.

Jenna starts talking about how she wants to be like them. Triggers a little sea rat history. She grew up poor. Didn't look that bad to me, but she always wanted the good life and like these women. And she aspires to be like these women. Now, this is what I would have done if I was on that boat and I overheard her. Say I'm like Eddie,

I'm a sea rat working on the desert. I just hold, But you're you? Yeah, but I'm here. Are you Pat? I'm Pat. Okay. I'm Pat.

And I also watch the housewives or something. Okay. I'd just go, hey, hey, get me. All right, right, right. I'd hold up a huge picture of Todd. And I'd say, you can have all of this. Right. But you have to blow this morbidly obese elephant seal every night.

Right. Still interested? Yeah. Okay. Can you imagine polar bears taking those things down? If I was a polar bear, I would die. I would just be like, this is exhausting. I'm going to see what the next life is.

You know, these things weigh like 2,000 pounds or something. It's just crazy stuff. It's too cool. By the way, the L.A. Zoo, which I have season passes to. Okay. Tell me they don't have a polar bear there. No, no, no, no. Oh, my God.

They did have one in San Diego for a little while. But they have this gigantic elephant reserve. Okay, they had Billy the elephant there. These advocates for Billy have been forever trying to get him the hell out of here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they finally got him out of here, and he's down in a zoo in Tucson now. Okay. But they're still there, and they're mad that they sent him to Tucson.

So, I mean, there's like five or six of these people, and they got the loudest bullhorns, and now they go after your children. So they walk up to Elliot, right? And they go, oh, yeah, yeah. They go, hey, to ask your parents why they want to take you. you to a death prison. Oh my God. And I'm like, hey, shut the fuck up.

You're trying to as you should. As you should. I'm like, God, you can just yell out here like a maniac all you want, but don't go after my kid. I know, but you know, I love my wife because she's always like, hey, watch what you say. Watch what you say. She goes, mommy, who are those people? She goes mentally ill people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's like a fucking, you know, anti-abortion person, just going up to a kid being like, you're lucky. You're one of the lucky ones. Yeah. Mommy, who is that? A mentally ill person. All right.

So leave the children alone. Yeah. They're children. They don't know. They're fucking watching fucking, what's the dog show with the two dogs? Bluey. Bluey? It's four.

It's four. Mom. Dad. It's a family? It's a family. Okay. But yeah, aspiring to be like the housewives would be aspiring to be an empty vessel with some kind of fraud indictment in your near future. Oh yeah. It's literally a coin toss.

Or a son in prison, you know. Someone. It's always the husband, relative. Not a good thing to aspire to, but she's young. What's her name? Endor? Tattooing. No, no. The other one. Joe. Joe. Joe's not coming back. No, no, no. Oh, Jenna. Jenna. Jenna. Okay, got it. So let's set up for a beached picnic. This is the little burp I was referring to where Daisy is pissed off that the deck team set them back. Daisy, I get it, but like, why don't you get down there and try to fucking jab at a goddamn hundred pound ring on a rope? Like, fuck kindly fuck off. Okay, Daisy, by the way, classy as ever. She, uh, she compares this rushed picnic thing in being behind schedule as, uh, farting before sex.

Here's a more appropriate one. And this would probably be applicable to her. Daisy, it's you bring your guy home and into your bedroom and you didn't have time to pick out all the cigarettes and beer cans from the night before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is, he'd be like,

is there an unhoused person living in here? No, it's a sea rat with a bob. That's right. All right, let's talk to Alicia's mother. We love you, Daisy. We'd love to have you on the show. Oh, yeah. Let's talk to Alicia's mother,

who is a vile witch. Alicia tells her that she's really, struggling and her mother says, um, poor abuser, essentially. Well, she calls her, she says, you're useless. She goes, this is, this is my advice to you, okay? Somebody's abusing you, I'm in a workplace. I want you to go to them and I want you to tell them, I'm a piece of shit. Yeah.

But I'm going to give you a hundred percent of my shittiness. Yeah. I'm going to give you a hundred percent. It's really, it's such a bummer. to see parents like, I'm sure, listen, British people have bans, they have different cultural customs than we do, but it seemed a little, little intense. Well, you know, I actually like the advice, though, because to go in there and keep thinking, like, you're going to turn this around, right, just own it.

Right, right. Because maybe it would just be like, once he goes like, all right, fine, I'll tell you what, you can cook crew meals and then I'll have you just do dishes. Yeah, exactly. Just cook crew meals. They'll eat hot pockets. Just cut them into little triangles to make them, I don't know. Anyways, lovely woman.

We get to a sea rat sad scale. Ah, yes, yes, yes. This is always my favorite part of the recap sale. We get another sea rat history. Now, before you get into this, I just want to lay this out really quickly. A young boy lost his father. And decades later, he is still heartbroken at the loss

of that parent showing you that, that, you know, life is full of meetings and partings. And to quote, winning the poo, you know, how lucky am I for a goodbye to be this hard, right? Now, let's throw to Pat to see what Pat does about this story. Sure, thanks. Yeah, Dylan, this one tugged on my heart as well. Okay, Eddie, dad died on New Year's Day when he was just six years old. and he's getting a half a point just for that. But a full point if his dad had kicked the bucket on his actual birthday.

Right. And if his dad's face had fallen in the cake while he was dying, that's an additional two points. Oh, yeah. That would have been really sad. That's a tough. Anyway, we love you. And I think that sea turtle you were swimming next to, that might have been your dad. Yeah, yeah.

And he waved at you right before he ate that blob of floating fish shit. And he's like, and he winked at you said, hey, son. Yeah. That was him. I'm proud of you. I love Eddie. We do not know yet the extent of his alcohol and sex addiction. But right now I think he's a great guy.

We haven't gone out too much. Right. Or yet. We'll revisit. Let's go to the Virgin. Okay. Endora. Mustafa. Mustafa.

Her name is Betul. Whose father did not want her educated. He wanted her... Sounds like a real dick. He wanted her to be a virgin. and then a disposal for come. Oh, my God. The belief that conservative Muslim men have in their daughters

is just such a beautiful, beautiful sight to behold. I mean, my God. She turned out great, given what she had to endure. You know, poor Endor. It's just heartwarming. Let's get to lunch. Okay, let's go to lunch. Ben comes from a portrait background.

Now, I don't know if we knew this about Ben before. but he was a painter and a damn good one. And that's why he knows what composition should look like, right? Yeah. So he understands that what Daisy's asking him to do would betray the principles of artistic expression. That being plating, defrosted shrimp, a U.S. Airway's side salad, chicken wings, and a lattice of lettuce and carrot on the same plate will not work.

Otherwise known as an all-you-can-eat plate at a Las Vegas buffet. Right. So this- Total white trash. This looked like you were an early bird at caros, right? And one would suggest to Ben that perhaps if you have such a command of composition and creative expression, here's an idea. If you know that the food is going to be plated, why don't you cook something that doesn't look like dog shit, right? Because again, this is a yacht.

And so what you've served is, again, chicken wings. Chicken wings. Chicken wings, frozen shrimp, and a side salad and a ramekin. I don't want to eat anything on a yacht that I can get at a Chucky cheese. No, no. Now, lucky for Ben. these people are from Utah, a state that more or less has a collective palate of like a minor, you know, so these women are completely fine with this. They think it's delicious.

Mary Cosby's just farting and shitting and she doesn't, you know, really care. I want to say this. His move to feed the people in their bedrooms first was extremely odd to me given. They requested that. Oh, they did? Yeah. Oh, okay. But Daisy was against it. Feed the people at the table first who are like banging, I think Whitney, I don't know, I'm going to bang my fork on the table. Yeah. Because if they're in their bedrooms, they can play on their phones and also watch TV or whatever, read a book.

Which is what this meal is suitable or suited for. Right. This is a TikTok lunch, right? This is not a, let's enjoy this food kind of lunch. Let's get to Mikey who delivers quite a revelation. The world of stripping and the world of engineering have nothing to do with one another. It's fucking crazy. I had no idea.

And then we get to another C-Rat history. Jewel has body image issues. Oh, let me see if I can find that. Yeah, I want to know where this lands on the C-Rat's house. Okay, so this was when Mike was training the do's and don'ts how to perform a lap dance. And this triggers some deep insecurities from Jewel. Yeah, that's right. He always felt like a fatty as a kid.

And despite pounding his way through half the stews in this industry, he still feels like a pudgy little doughboy deep down inside. which is exactly why he's probably behaving this way. It's like the nerd effect with all those tech bros. Yes. Right. They got, you know, they always got beat up.

Too many wedgies. Too many wedgies and now they're demons. Yeah. We all have to pay for. Right. And our children's children. Yeah, exactly.

Too much screen time. All right. So Angie cuts her hand and Jason says she's not a starfish so it won't regenerate. He says dad joke. Good one. Jason, dad joke. Okay, that is a nautical joke. And speaking of nerds, it's a nerd joke, okay? Kalan, did you know that Starfish can regenerate their limbs? I did not. He's not a nautical guy.

That's why he didn't know that, you know? But if somebody was to make a joke about perhaps the post office and turn something into like an envelope pun, you would get that, right? Sure. That's a dad joke. Jason is a dad. Yeah, I also want to say he's also a fish abuser. That goldfish named Jewelow in his small captive tank that he has definitely has a case of humpback, also tuberculosis. Oh, for sure. Caused by high nitrates

in the tank and overcrowding. I'd venture to guess, Jewel, the fish has probably already succumbed to the disease. Way to go, Captain Fish Murderer. Yeah. Jason is to fish what Buffalo Bill was to women. It's very dangerous to be...

The serial killer. Yes, exactly. He wasn't real. right? No. Based on someone, I think. Oh, really? Did the person he was based on tuck his cockback? I think so. Really? Mm-hmm. Have you ever done that? No. Have you ever done that? No. I do like dancing naked in front of the mirror, though. I think he did that. You've never just slid it back just to see? Oh, should I? I think so. I think it's fun, you know? We're blessed with very flexible genital. It's disgusting, but it's really marvelous. It's kind of like, you know how octopuses is? You know how octopuses? can kind of get in and out of things very sure kind of like that you know wow it's disgusting i'll try it tonight try it tonight report back please uh the real housewives have requested a zombie theme for dinner this must have been filmed around Halloween the problem is if we're at like go bongo and company

or wherever the fuck we're at it doesn't Halloween doesn't really like read that well on camera so just it's this very very odd thing that we're doing a zombie theme in the middle of the fucking Caribbean. But Ben walks through the dinner menu and Daisy asks if she can add Jason. And Ben says, it's not a problem. You're dealing with professionals here, mate. Okay. Now remember, let's cut back to the chicken wings. Okay. So we're, okay. What happened with MC's wine glass? That had shit on it or something? Well, they joked. She said there's lipstick on here. And it, it in fact her lipstick. She's out of her mind. Oh, yes. She's on pills. Yes. That's right.

Allegedly, yeah. Well, allegedly. And allegedly, that's where Robert Jr. got them. I wonder how he's doing. I'm so impressed with the mothers that you guys are. I mean, you're just incredible mothers. Mary, your son has unfortunately been in prison. That's right, Andy. And so you and Robert Sr., his father, you guys have visited him? Oh, no. No, no. Andy, I can't go to a person. place like that. You know, the same note that we gave Kaelin earlier, Mary Cosby needs,

okay? Do not be repulsed by the thought of going to see your son in prison outwardly. You got to keep that inside. Keep it inside. All right. So caviar, lentil, and butter steered scallop is up first. Actually, did look like at least some effort to do something fine dining, but way too many lentils and it was completely out of balance, 61 pots. Then we get to Britain on a plate, never a good idea.

There are loose peas that just kind of... It looked like, you know, when, you know, those candy dispensers of Mike and Ikes? It looked like if you cranked it and then you just opened the door and they just fell all over the place, that's what the peas looked like. Just scattered haphazardly on the plate next to

lamb, which is a baby sheep. I'm going to give that 31 pots. And then we get to dessert, which is one of the most embarrassing things I've seen on this show since chicken and brownies. Well, there was. To be fair.

I mean, it's just disgusting. There was a chef. And I think when we went on pink shade with Mary Payne, she was referring to a chef who she thought was really good. But I did remember that it was a woman, it was a couple's 25th wedding anniversary. And he served them chocolate chip cookie with vanilla ice cream. I think that was Kiko.

Oh, no, no, no, it was, it was Johno. That's right. Yeah, it was Johnno. Well, this is worse than that. Okay. By a good margin. It is going to be a zombie head comprised of nuclear green pistachio ice cream.

Some more store-bought chocolate drizzle and cookie hands that actually did not make it onto the plate. It was a dessert for children at Laser Tag. High paying guests. It was not. Six pots. When asked why Ben chose to do a dessert that required a hasty assembly to a frozen good, he says. I was testing you, Ben.

Obviously lying. I decided to make that Disney Channel dessert so that you could pass or fail. I mean, my God. This, like, you have to, like, I don't know. You have to be so radically detached from who you are that you just go with it. Ben, it's like, it's like this half measure of he's like, he's still vaguely aware that he's not that good. So it's kind of this act that is just not believable. Okay.

So the lore of Ben is always been, uh, he's, he's beloved in, uh, in, you know, in the Bravo community. Right. He's beloved because sharp-witted, you know, just kind of, uh, kind of, kind of, kind of dicky. but he always backed it up by being really above grade chef when you're not good and we can mock you in your profession and you're an asshole now you're just a run-in-the-mill fucking half-ass below-deck chef yeah and we will judge you accordingly right ben you're we're gonna have fun with you this i'm gonna have so much fun he's the jaw morant of below deck right now all right so jason um doesn't enjoy the dessert because they're not really asking him anything about himself, the ladies.

And we get to the strip show. Nothing that crazy to report here. There was one scene wherein Mikey went into a full handstand. Yeah. And we cut away. And what I imagine happened was an effort to worm on top of Heather. a controlled dismount onto her body that I think was not shown

because she suffered bruising. This is not something that you can do many years out of practice. You'll just fall down on her like a fucking janga tower and you'll hurt her. All right, we get to the next morning. Next morning? And we've got Muffin Gate.

Oh, yes. This was my favorite part of the show. Okay. Yeah, this is self-esteem building 101. Yeah. Now, Ben is rude to her. but this is on Alicia. Okay, you're cramming buffin tins with too much batter.

And you're cooking, you're cooking these things. They're going to be like a sourdough starter in the middle. And we just can't do this. Okay. Now, Ben didn't need to slam the muffins out of the tin the way that he did. But Alicia, you know, we love Alicia. She's a good time. But this was, this was insane.

And this is where, like, to, maybe her mom's right. We can't do this thing where Alicia's just being proactive with the menu hours before Ben wakes up. Yeah. You know, like he's got to, we got to get on more level playing field. That's right. That's right. We appreciate the effort of trying a go-getter effort, but let's ease into it a little bit more. Okay.

So, she calls a fan favorite. another fuck up Bree. No, Bree is not a fuck up. Oh, she wasn't? No, we loved Bree. We had her on the show. She's a sweetheart.

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. I was thinking of the girl who couldn't color coordinate laundry. No, no, no. Sorry, no, we love Bree. Bree's awesome. Sorry, I take that all that back.

And it's not because she's hot. It's not. No, she's a very nice person. She's just genuinely lovely. That's right. That's right. So Alicia says that she was living her best life in Canada, and now she's not happy. Mm-hmm.

And this is where we, we can't give the boomers the excuse to say what a fragile generation, right? Because what Alicia is describing is existing in a coping mechanism in Canada, right? We can't do that. That's not living, you know? So we end with a tear-soaked chat with Captain Jason. And Alicia quits the show. Not really.

Captain Jason says, we're already understanding. We can't have you just quit. You were supposed to be here and grog, you know. You're great TV, mate. You're great TV and we're going to make this work, but we get hit with the 2B continued card. What if they didn't put that there?

Can I make a prediction? The world would keep spinning. Okay. You just want to make sure. Give the comments, let us know what you thought about the episode. We love you guys for listening. Love you guys for supporting. Go to Patreon.

a lot of stuff happening there. Traders, love is blind. Summer House eventually. If you want to see, Summer House will be free. Okay. If you want to see or listen to our recap of Salt Lake City,

go there. Until next time, I'm fucking, I'm the fucking Dill Meister. What do you think about that? I like Dill Meister. Yeah, Dill Meister. I'm the Dillmeister.

That's Pat. All right. Saying goodbye. Kay, let's say goodbye. Yeah.