Answer Me This! - AMT203: Horrible Fiances, Apples and Bowler Hats

Episode Date: February 2, 2012

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To support sustainable food production, BHP is building one of the world's largest potash mines in Canada. Essential resources responsibly produced. It's happening now at BHP, a future resources company. Did you know some losers still use Facebook Poking? That's to be missed, that's to be missed. With young adult, has Jason Reitman topped Thank You for Sm learn in this life is that all good things come to an end. As illustrated by this email from Chrissy, who says, I recently broke up with my podcast partner. We had a good run, but it was time to let it go.

It's probably best to realise that than let it drag on into a podcast-y swamp of rubbish as we'll probably do. Yeah, that's right. Of course, says Chrissy, I still want to podcast, but I have absolutely no idea how to find a new partner. So Ollie, answer me this. Any thoughts?

Find someone who owns some good microphones and do it with their wife. That's my tip. Or just do it by yourself and then you don't have to split the incredibly lucrative earnings of this pro-am industry with anyone else. Is that like when somebody sacks their whole band

but keeps the name for themselves? Well, that's what Simply Red did, isn't it? Maybe she should advertise, like when people used to put notices up in guitar shops To get a drummer for their band Yeah podcast partner wanted Must be into Husker Dew and Peter, Paul and Mary Is there a classifieds bit on iTunes?

I suppose Ping is kind of like that isn't it? What's Ping? That was a joke of course I know what Ping is but like everybody I don't use it That thing where you say I like Michael Bublé I'd like to meet other people that like Michael Bublé Oh hold on, no I don't Here's. That thing where you say, I like Michael Bublé. I'd like to meet other people that like Michael Bublé. Or hold on,

no, I don't. Here's a question from Mariana who says, Helen, answer me this. Why are British men so cold? Well, it's winter at the moment.

That's right. Their body temperature is determined entirely by seasonal variations, Mariana. Come back in August, then you'll see us British men smoking hot.

She says, I'm Mexican and I've been in a relationship with my British boyfriend for over a year and we're both very happy together, but why are Brits so cold? Doesn't sound like you're very happy. And please don't answer by saying something about the Latin spirit and us being from different backgrounds. Well, I have to answer that because that is the case.

I know it's sort of national stereotyping, but those things are grounded in fact. The brits are traditionally known as a reserved race yeah who don't splash their feelings around and people from places like mexico are often a bit more fiery well and also to be fair mariana in this very brief email you've sent us that's all you've given us to work with we don't know what you're like what you do how old you are if we ignore your nationality and his nationality in answering the question why are british men so cold there's nothing for us to go on apart from you have different genitals to each other we don't know anything about you why does he love ferrets so much when i love nepales it's i think an emotional uptightness that comes about out of consideration for other people's feelings very nice the british

embarrassment is basically you know i don't upset. I don't want to cause a scene. I want to ironise my feelings lest they cause genuine harm if I said what I thought and she doesn't agree. It's quite a considerate way to be. It's just it comes across to someone from a completely

different culture as being cold. Obviously, all of what you just said is the exact reverse of what happens in that bastion of British culture, the Jeremy Kyle show. Emotions splashed everywhere, zero irony. I think the Brits are a much warmer race than they were

because fewer people are sent to boarding school at the age of four than they were a few generations ago. Yeah, although... Our national backbone is crumbling! Hi, this is Max from Beresford Edmonds. Helen Olly, answer me this. Does marijuana, if ingested, count as one of your five a day? Well, if it does, then presumably it's going to be in the form of a brownie or cake, which is not a health food.

Exactly, because that would be like saying that carrot cake counts towards your five a day. Oh, you've shattered a lot of dreams. Or strawberry ice cream or something. You could ingest it in a soup or tea. A soup? Do people actually make weed soup? Yeah, broth. They call it broth because they're those kinds of people

that don't wash their clothes. Speaking hypothetically, but I would imagine the amount of marijuana weed you'd have to ingest for it to give you a significant dietary or vitamin infusion

would be a lot and make you really ill. Well, the seeds are where the real nutrition is. Of course, yeah, because I'll happily put hemp seed in a homemade loaf of bread. That's right.

And that's where you're getting your protein, your omega-3s. You're not getting your highs, though, are you? I'm not, no. Although, I mean, I'm very happy getting high on some bread. That's about the level I want to be stimulated at. It does have a very tiny amount of lots of vitamins. I also imagine that if you got the marijuana in the usual preparation of it being dried or somehow processed or resonated, it's going to have lost a lot of its vitamin content anyway well i think

the thing is it's just quite awkward to approach your dealer uh on the bridge at camden can i have some of the locale stuff please yeah can you include the stalks i mean you just can't can you here's a question from laura from sheffield who says only answer me this how many statements from the lyrics of savage garden song affirmation do you agree with uh i've counted up there are 20 statements not counting repetition in the choruses etc okay so if you've never heard the song it's a series of statements helen said earlier it's the kind of uncool version of uh everybody's free-to-air sunscreen in that it's kind of one man's rules for life he i believe this i believe that oh it's a bit like if by rajad kip yeah he's got it yeah um so okay so i've gone through all the statements and i agree with six of them really i agree with four okay what are

your four let's see if we've got any overlap okay well the ones i've gone for uh um i believe you can't appreciate real love till you've been burned okay you haven't agreed with that one well because generally you appreciate things once you've uh burned. Okay, I haven't agreed with that one. Well, because generally you appreciate things once you've lacked that thing before. Say your favourite teddy bear, Grey Puppet, Ollie, was taken away. You like Grey Puppet. Don't you dare look me in the eye and say that, Helen.

When Grey Puppet was returned to you, you'd love Grey Puppet all the more because you'd seen the world without Grey Puppet and it was awful. Yes. Well, that's not the one I most agree with. The one that I most agree with. I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists. Yes, that was one of the ones I agree with. That's the only one that one I most agree with. The one that I most agree with. I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists.

Yes, that was one of the ones I agree with. That's the only one that I can absolutely agree with. Yeah, but that assumes you believe in God. I thought you were an atheist. Well, this is the thing. I mean, actually, I was just saying, that's one of the ones that I agree with as well. Although, ironically, it's probably the only one in the list

that you can't prove or disprove. We'll never know. He says, I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality. Yeah, that's one of the ones I agree with too. And again, with caveats, you can control certain things. Like, I'd imagine a lot of people that might otherwise go for maybe children yeah i think well i'm not going to do that because it's wrong in every way you can curb your sexuality by for example castrating yourself but i think that's not what he's referring to is he's

very precise he's basically saying can't choose to be gay or straight and i think that's that's that's pretty much reasonable he used to have a wife and now he has a husband he could have just said don't fuck kids on the end of that line like as a sort of i think that's a that's pretty much reasonable. He used to have a wife and now he has a husband. He could have just said don't fuck kids on the end of that line like as a sort of... I think that's a more awkward bridge into the chorus. The one that says I believe your parents did the best job

they knew how to do. That's incredibly presumptuous. I've got friends who've got terrible parents and I know that they didn't do the best job because they did better jobs on others of their siblings.

There's a lot of very subjective things. I mean, I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul. Did you agree with that? It really depends on the person. Yeah, exactly.

Because, you know, some people... It's definitely the eyes. Well, some people have horrible personalities, but quite fit faces and bodies. Quite fit, exactly. The one where he says, I believe in love surviving death into eternity. Yeah, not convinced by that either. Love often doesn't survive until next week. He's going to have to show his working. Yeah, that's an ideal as well, isn't it?

It's nice to believe it, but yeah, you can't prove it, Darren. Out of the ones that I do agree with though that you didn't say uh i believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair i didn't even really understand what he meant well he's saying that you know whatever i can't believe we're analyzing this so seriously that's tautological isn't it he means you you're not responsible for where you're born in the world you're gonna have a greater or lesser chance of becoming a millionaire that's what he means and he's right i can't trust a man who messes up a comparative and uses the phrase more greener i also quite like the phrase i believe that family is worth more than money or gold depends on your family again i know a lot of people who've got

horrible families in economic terms it's not necessarily true unless you're philip green's if you've got a question email your question to answer me this won't cost a google mail Philip Green's daughter. So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors.

Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. That was a cover of one of our traditional email jingles by young Rowan from Bedfordshire. Thank you very much for that, Rowan. Pretty much a straight cover, wasn't it? Yeah. There there's no novelty there just did it out the tin that's not a criticism no it's not i've just it was straightforward answer me this karaoke is what that was ollie's just saying maybe next time you'd like to investigate some synths time for a question from phil who says as a gay teenage guy i am almost constantly horny. I bet. And whilst I'd quite like a relationship, I'm happy to just have the odd fuck here and there as well.

I recently started talking to a guy called Charlie, who I met over Twitter. Weird. He's very hot. That's not weird. He's very hot, intelligent and lovely, but also a bit of a slut. I wouldn't be surprised if he had three other guys

on the go at the moment. How many followers has he got on Twitter? Divide that by two. We text each other on average about a hundred times a day. What? That's expensive. Teenagers. I'm married to Martin and I don't have a hundred words to say a day. And I don't even have

a hundred characters to say to my girlfriend sometimes. And Skype pretty much every evening. And we, I don't even have 100 characters to say to my girlfriend sometimes. And Skype pretty much every evening. And we're arranging to meet up soon as he only lives about an hour away. Very well. He seems to quite like me. Yes, 100 texts a day may be the cue for that. But he's never really hinted that he'd

wanted to be together in any long-term context. Well, he hasn't met you so give him a break. I'm not sure how involved i should get as i think he might just be out for some fun and you want fun you just said yes you said odd fuck would be fine and not a relationship so helen answer me this what are your top tips this should be good what are your top tips for telling if a guy wants a relationship other than just asking and what are your top tips for separating sex from emotion

for the second one to somebody that you don't really have much in common with and there isn't the danger that you might start doing nasty things like sleeping over and going out for brunch the next day and then going to look at antique shops or some shit like that well that's all very well in the abstract isn't it but that's not the nature of this situation the nature of this situation is he's texting the bloke 100 times a day yeah no you've got to cut this out because you're getting too attached and you've already intimated that this guy might be a bit unreliable certainly if he's into having sex with you and that's what you want as well i don't see why you deprive yourself from that but just make sure that you're not reading too much into the situation they're not internet

dating in their 30s are they they're teenage guys that are basically hooking up to have sex i know that it's very nice that they've had this extended foreplay but essentially that's what's gonna happen with a relationship why but why ask the relationship question at all can't you just see how it goes you're right yes but then i suppose they can't see how it goes because to him it's quite long distance and you know that that means you have to make choices to see each other it's not like oh pop round but why do you meet up with him and before even uh leaping into sexual congress with him just saying if if you have anything anything to say to each other face to face or if you get on you might meet and just really not not feel it at all that would be really awkward wouldn't it if after all this time of flirting online they meet and actually

there's no spark there at all but are you sure they've just been flirting online you think they might have been doing web sex yeah yeah well you would wouldn't you it's 21st century yeah but even that is different isn't it To actually speaking to someone There must be some attraction there Even if it's to a sort of slightly Vaseline smeared lend Well as you said Teenage boy, very horny

So it doesn't really matter does it I think it's a win-win situation You'd probably be thinking about your mother and it would still happen wouldn't it I think Phil you're just complicating this too much Just try and enjoy yourself and stop thinking about it so deeply, all right? It happens. And don't text as much. Leave some mystery in it.

If you've already said everything to each other in 14,000 characters a day, then what are you going to talk about when you meet? Yeah, that's right. If somebody gave you 79 pence, what would you spend it on? Buy a foreign stamp. Give it to a tramp. Get a second-hand tape of Tron. Or why not buy a classic episode?

Answer me this one to 80. That's even better value than a Greg sausage roll. Be it not as tasty. Go to answermethispodcast.com slash classic to get them now. And your PayPal payment will support our show until we get a bigger cash cow. Bigger cash cow, bigger cash cow. Moo, moo, moo, moo. Sponsors, please.

Here's a question from Catherine from Newcastle who says, I've just finished my lunch and I'm now eating a delightful pink lady apple. So some might argue you're in fact not yet finished on your lunch good points thanks she just finished her her savory finish her mains possibly i'd say the dessert that's part of the lunch ollie answer me this why do they still make the other types of apple i.e cox braeburn royal gala surely the invention slash cultivation of the pink lady was a game changer I like that phrase being used

in anything other than technology makes you realise how stupid a phrase it is anyway I realise other apples are cheaper but how can anyone

go back once they've tasted a pink lady I don't think I could even finish a jazz apple anymore if you've never tried a pink lady

then don't because you'll end up like me spending six pounds a week on apples yeah i've had them i don't think they stood out in my mind as being better than a braeburn or a jazz apple well look the pink lady is a delightful combination of sweetness and crispness that is true well it's also a delightful combination of the golden delicious and lady williams. Golden Delicious is one of my least favourite apples. Nonetheless, it's not just farmers and supermarkets that decide to grow apples. Apples grow, don't they?

It's not as if, at the moment the Pink Lady was invented in the 70s, all of the apple trees around England just suddenly stopped bearing fruit, saying, oh, I'm going to give up now. What's the point? Yeah. The Australian has won. They're only going to use me as a backdrop to jane austin as being filmed for telly well you say that ollie the importation of apples like the braeburn has really uh flushed out good british apples from

the market because i think there were 400 british apple breeds and now you might see a cox you said you might see a cox anyway i I think Catherine's point is a very dangerous one to make, because what she's effectively suggesting is that all the other apples should be exterminated and there should be one apple super race. Apple eugenics! Yeah, and I don't want us to live in a world where that can happen. First they came for the golden delicious,

I did not speak out for I was not a golden delicious. We're all different apples, Catherine! Hello, Helen and Ollie, it's James from Salisbury. Outside my house at the moment, there's a cat back up a tree. So answer me this. Is it still, or is it possible for me to call a fire brigade to get the cat out of the tree?

I mean, I've seen them do it on movies and in TV shows and such, but can you actually do that? Or are they just out saving babies from burning buildings and whatnot yes you can totally do that uh really what even after all the public service cuts even though it seems like not an emergency it is an ongoing developing situation that could become an emergency i.e people using a ladder and falling off and hurting themselves and so you call the

fire brigade to prevent the possibility of a person trying to do the fire brigade's job and injuring themselves. Yes. Not because the fire brigade's time is best used to get a cat out of a tree. How do you even know that a cat is stuck up a tree and not just up a tree? Well, not just pissing around, yeah.

Because, I mean, it's mewing, isn't it? It's only got the one language. It could just be saying, look, I'm in a tree. Yeah, no, no, no, no. I can see your bald patch. That's right. But the BBC did a freedom of information request on this. They asked the fire services how much they spent every year getting animals out of trees.

Three and a half million pounds in the last three years were spent by the fire services that replied. That sounds like a lot, but probably in their overall budget it isn't. It's 17,000 animals. So actually, yeah, in the population of millions. It's, you know, about right. Unless it's just the same cat that keeps going up. Well, it's not just cats. There's like cows and horses and stuff.

Wow. In fact, there was one example where an old woman had called 999 getting upset because a snail had been stuck halfway up a wall. Oh, God. I've never seen a cat stuck up a tree, to my knowledge. I've never seen a cow or a horse stuck up a tree. That must take some doing. We do live in London.

You don't see many cows and horses full stop, or trees. Here's a question now from Christian from Warnambool in Australia, who was born in Newcastle-under-Lyme in Stoke. Gone a long way. One of the potteries. They say, the bowler hat. When I was little, I remember professional people, bankers, solicitors, etc., etc wearing them around it seems to me

that it is or was the quintessential british headwear christian importantly doesn't say how old he is does he no because if he was from a different generation he'd say the ysl cap was the quintessential british headwear uh do people still wear them around today rarely i'd say shoreditch people yeah uh or are they now a thing of the past? No, apparently they're coming back in Helen asked me this Did the bowler hat originate as being a cricket hat? No And if so

Well, it didn't She just said it didn't If so, was there a fast or spin bowler hat equivalent? Oh, that's why he's asking It's just a bad pun No, it's because it was invented by Thomas and William Bowlers Okay It's the hat maker's name

It's named after the hat maker. Yeah. So apparently they invented this particular hat style so that gamekeepers could protect their heads from low-hanging branches and the hat would still stay on. It wouldn't get knocked off if you got smacked in the head.

It is very strongly stuck on the forehead, isn't it? And it's a good structural hat, you know, a round hat. It's not going to get dented, I guess. Like, one of the reasons, apparently, for them having been very common, you know, archetypal british hat of the first half of the 20th century let's say is that they kept the rain off people walking to work and then cars became a lot more common around the middle of the century and so they didn't need them so much anymore and

then the 60s happened and uh people had the long hair yeah and they didn't want to get that doesn't look good with a bowler hat and again it's similar to what we were saying last week about the teddy boys. You know, the war came and it kind of smashed up a lot of previous social stratification. Same with the bowler hat. So it had been this symbol of a professional class.

Then after the war, when a lot of people had had to give up wearing hats anyway because clothes rationing, bombs. They didn't have heads, a lot of them. Exactly. It wasn't expedient. The social structures had changed and so had the

millinery structures well and now in our generation all change isn't it i mean look at mark zuckerberg no hats there he definitely doesn't wear a bowler hat he might wear a baseball cap but he's doing very well for himself i hear yeah despite his sloppy attire here's a fact about the bowler hat which we consider to be such a english symbol go on bowl me over it was the bowler hat, which we consider to be such an English symbol. Go on, bowl me over. It was the most popular hat in 19th century America and it was known as the hat that won the West. It was more worn there than the cowboy hat.

Shit. Imagine if they had that in Westerns, how awesome that would be. Imagine if that had gone the other way and broke back mountain, they were both wearing bowler hats. You do, I think, see that sometimes in more recently made Westerns. Like, there will be blood. There might be blood, but also I think cowboys versus aliens, which is quite historically accurate. All the aliens wore bowler hats. And all the Native Americans wore trilbies, and that's how you could tell they were on

different teams. And some of this. Hampton Court was Henry VIII's home. The O2 Arena was the Millennium Dome. Wasn't it? I went to see you in your room, but it had been turned into a Wetherspoon. So I ordered a two-for-one curry and a macaroon, but they don't sell macaroons. Do they? Hey!

I just ate both curries And now I regret that Right, you are warmly invited to this question From Nick from Colchester about weddings He says, my girlfriend and I Have recently been invited to the wedding Of one of our old friends Which will be in a few months time

This would be fine Great Yeah, this sounds brilliant Joy abounded Were it not for the fact to the wedding of one of our old friends, which will be in a few months' time. This would be fine. Great. Yeah, this sounds brilliant. Joy abounded. Were it not for the fact that her fiancé is one of the worst human beings I've ever met. Yeah. And I've no idea what she could possibly see in him.

Robert McGarvey's very rich, I'll have you know, Nick, from Colchester. Apparently excellent in bed. He has been sexually inappropriate with more than one of our friends, is constantly telling hideous puns. I don't know if he's ordering these in a list of importance. Has the most irritating laugh known to humankind. Well, that's not his fault.

I'm glad I've been relegated to second place. And is generally weird in a way that is creepy rather than endearing or interesting. To you, but maybe not to your friend. That's right, weirdness is subjective, isn't it? Not to mention that he also bears the slumped appearance one might associate with a sack of onions. Oh, you can't marry that man. His posture is ridiculous. And my friend could do much better in the looker stakes.

Maybe she doesn't want to. Maybe she thinks he is the pinnacle of physical excellence. I tell you what, Helen, it sounds like Nick from Colchester has made up his mind about this man. It's true. Nothing I can say can make a difference. I don't think so. I think this is a pretty categoric list. This, however, this list of terrible qualities that I've just outlined,

does not deter him from making needling references to her weight. Oh, there's more. And wanting to look good for the wedding every time, she so much as looks at a chocolate biscuit. References to her weight. Oh, there's more. And wanting to look good for the wedding every time. She so much as looks at a chocolate biscuit. Okay, so to play devil's advocate, maybe she's been going on about wanting to lose weight for the wedding and he thinks he's helping her. Yeah, absolutely.

He's spurring her on. I think that probably is where it goes. I don't think any man is that fussed about exactly how his wife-to-be is going to look on the wedding day. That is a woman thing. As long as she's happy because he doesn't want her moaning forever. She's been moaning and he's trying to help her. Yeah, but he just might not be that tactful. Exactly. not very good at it is he exactly yeah um the man is so objectionable and it continues that my

girlfriend refuses to even let him into her house well maybe your girlfriend's rude yeah so helen answer me this would it be disingenuous to attend the wedding and celebrate their union? Yeah, I think celebrating would be disingenuous, Nick, but that doesn't go hand in hand with attending. That's pushing it a bit. If all I really want to do is tackle my friend to the ground and not let her up until she makes better romantic decisions. Okay, that's not for you to decide, Nick, is it?

I do sympathise and I have had friends who've sort of been in this situation, but I think... This situation? The situation where you judged their fiancee to be a dick both ways a lot of people told me martin was a dick what no but it's the thing is if you see somebody in a relationship or getting married to someone that you don't approve of you've got to think well firstly i might not see what their partner sees in them secondly it's not my business that person's an adult and they've made this decision fully compos mentis,

you know, with the full power of attorney and therefore I have to live with it. And if they break up, I'm not going to go, I'm told you so, here's a real knob. You know, people make decisions, not all of them work out well, not all of them are agreeable to their friends,

but you have to abide by the fact that they are permitted to do that. I agree with you almost entirely. I agree with you like 85%. What's the 15%? It's just the fact that they are permitted to do that i agree with you almost entirely i agree with you like 85 what's the 15 it's just the fact that this issue's come up in all the things that he pointed out that were unflattering things about him the sexually inappropriate sexual inappropriateness if your friend knows about that yeah and he's going ahead with it then i'm back with helen 100 but if she doesn't and you haven't told her and you all know that he's been sexually inappropriate with your friends then there is the issue about whether maybe you should tell her.

But friend of friend and she knew I mean the evidence is in front of her face and she chose to ignore it and she chose the guy over these people that have known him for like 10 years. If you tell her that he's sexually inappropriate with people she's probably going to blame you. It's going to divide her more from her friends than from him I think. Because she loves him more than she loves everybody else if she is going to be happy with this knob or at

least she's decided that what she wants is unhappiness with this knob then you've got to exactly is she really going to be any happier by you swinging around to your way of thinking and then she's by herself you do have to go to the wedding because you know separate your friend from the relationship if she was marrying a guy that you'd never met you would go even though you had no idea about the relationship so you couldn't go there being cock-a-hoop yeah and she's your friend and so you've got to celebrate with her what for her is meant to be you know this big happy very important day exactly you'd be making her really upset by not turning up or by telling her not to get married to him. Obviously, you can be very careful with your wording of congratulations and you can hit the bar pretty hard to get through the day. In the movies when this happens, like in Sleepless in Seattle when Meg Ryan's going to marry Bill Pullman and everyone knows that would be a bad idea.

Yeah. What happens? The character has to figure it out for themselves, don't they? By the fiancé acting in a bad way to them. It's no good their friends telling them. Think about it. I've never seen a film where the friend has just said, you know what, you're about to marry an obbed, and the woman's gone, yeah, you're right. You're right.

If they have, then it's because the main character is so weak that they're entirely at the tides of these people surrounding them. Well, the thing is, the audience wouldn't sympathise with that character. They'd be like, that's not a good enough reason, just because your friend says someone's an op-ed. Yeah. You need to see it for yourself and if she's not going to see it,

then let them get married and then let them get divorced. You have to let people make their own mistakes, Nick. Exactly. You can't control her and if you do, then maybe you're just as bad as he is.

And we have to let you make your own mistakes by sending a question about your personal life to us to be discussed. And you can do that very thing by emailing us, Skyping us,

phoning us. All the contact details are, of of course listed on our website answer me this podcast.com and whatever you think about us as individuals you don't have to spend the rest of your life with us just half an hour in your ears that's tolerable isn't it that's right even if you think any of us are knobs i mean you probably got over that haven't you if you're still listening we did have an amazing itunes review last week actually which basically did say these guys are all knobs but I still like the podcast five

stars what it basically said is they're knobs but that's obviously naturally how they are and they're not affecting it for our pleasure

they're dicks but at least they're not pretentious they're authentic well they said you're a bit pretentious Martin that's a fair point yes come back next

week please bye