Answer Me This! - AMT204: Inspector Morse, TV Weather, and Accidental Sexting

Episode Date: February 9, 2012

Inspector Morse, TV Weather, and Accidental Sexting Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

To support sustainable food production, BHP is building one of the world's largest potash mines in Canada. Essential resources responsibly produced. It's happening now at BHP, a future resources company. Do camels get camel toe when they wear tight jeans? That's to be this, that's to be this. Michael Bay make a film based on micro-machines. That's to be this, that's to be this. Do you remember those ice lollies with peas and Coca-Cola in them? I certainly remember boking when we talked about them two weeks ago. You're getting a physical emotion memory from that.

Well, the person in question, Ollie, that was cited as having invented them last time. Carol from Greenock's Son. Yes. We dismissed him as a bit mental. Who are we to know? That's right, because here is something we were surprised to receive indeed. Kathy in China has written in to us. She says, I am an old lady from the States living in China, teaching

English. I'm just an old woman here. She's 62, by the way. That's not old anymore. Sorry, Kathy. 60 is the new 40. I'm just an old woman here. She's 62, by the way. That's not old anymore. Sorry, Cathy. 60 is the new 40. I listen to your podcast for my entertainment. Good, that is what it's supposed to be for. That's what we designed it for. Not punishment. Three of

the favourite ice bars on a stick here in Yantai are green bean, cream corn, and green pea. Wow! Pea ice lollies in Yantai in China. She says, I personally cannot bring myself to try one of these,

and I've been here for 11 years. You must have tried some pretty unusual stuff in your time, and yet pea lollies are a step too far. But another listener wrote in from Thailand to say they have pea lollies and yam lollies here, and they're lovely. So, Carol from Greenock, what is the ethnic history of your son? Did you have a holiday romance? Maybe he's got Asian tastes.

Well, another Chinese food related question from David from Chepstow, who says, I'm in a Chinese restaurant and one of our meals, chilli shredded beef, if you're interested. Thank you. I was absolutely fascinated. Has been served in a noodle bird's nest ollie answer me this is it socially acceptable to eat the bird's nest or is it simply garnish like salad with scampi and chips i didn't realize that was just garnish i thought you were supposed to eat the salad but like the carrot birds and things that used to come in chinese restaurants i haven't't noticed it for years. Recession on, you can't waste a carrot on a bird sculpture. I know what he means, actually, when he says garnish. But yeah, that's a funny example because, yeah,

fish and chips with a bit of lettuce. I would definitely eat the lettuce. Maybe they don't in Chepstow. But I know what he means. It's kind of like an ice cream in a wafer cone or something where technically the wafer cone is edible, but it's not why you're buying the ice cream. So I suppose in that way, that's how I think of Noodle Bird's Nest.

I've tried it. It's not very nice, is it? Well, I think the one that I had which was at a restaurant in Guildford many years ago I think it was made out of strips of bread woven together to emulate the bird's nest. But I did wonder how long they'd had it and how many times they'd used it before it reached me.

I've never considered that before. I can't get that thought out of my head. They shouldn't reuse it, should they? Well, they shouldn't put felines in their food, should they? But we all know that some dodgy restaurants have been known in the past to do that kind of thing. Our legal department cannot cope with what you're saying. But I also wonder that when I'm in a Mexican place and they've got the tortilla salad bowls.

Oh, don't say that, Helen. That's one of my favourite things, the edible salad bowl. No one doesn't eat the bowl, do they? What sociopath would eat the salad and not eat the bowl? Exactly. What kind of idiot

orders a lovely, healthy salad in a big fried bowl and doesn't eat the fried, saturated in fat bit? If you don't want the fat bit, just ask for a salad. Just ask for a salad. It's because someone might want to keep the bowl to wear out of the restaurant like a hat.

Maybe. A gorgeous fried hat. In other countries, they still do go for these kind of elaborate presentations, though, don't they? More so than here in the UK. Like a food diorama. Yeah, I mean, because I remember when I was in India

on holiday with my mate about five, six years ago, everyone told us, don't eat meat when you're in India, just have maybe fish if you're by the coast, but basically just vegetables. Really? Anyway, we were recommended by the family we were staying with to go to this posh restaurant and they paid for us and they suggested that we order meat uh so i ordered a chicken kiev thinking well if you're going to have a frozen meat that's something that's already been

prepared like it'll be a bird's eye type chicken kiev that'll probably be all right and this thing came out it was half cooked raw chicken mince um piles of it like about a foot tall chicken tartar but but yeah but but the way they'd served it was with the mash on the outside forming the breadcrumb in the shape of a chicken with the chicken's face on it wow the face of a chicken made out of mash yeah with the the wattle, whatever it's called. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you had like the body

was the mash and under that was the raw mince and then above that was the face of the chicken. Like chicken run, like an Aardman chicken Kiev. Potatoes in a plasticine.

Yeah. So they'd sculpted the mash and the chicken was sitting on its own minced flesh. It was roosting on its own decimated corpse. Precisely. Which doesn't make

you feel hungry, does it, as an idea? Raw chicken rarely makes me feel very appetised. And it was just very awkward because it was a real kind of old-fashioned sort of colonial table service. But you thought I don't want to die this way. Exactly. So what did you do? I actually did and I shouldn't have. I wouldn't now. But I did

have a couple of mouthful, to be polite. But it did make me feel sick just looking at it. I think I'd rather eat a nest of noodles than a load of raw chicken. Yeah, that's probably where most people stand. Me too. Here's a question from your namesake, Martin, in Pasadena, California.

Hey, Martin. We've got a globetrotting episode already today. He says, tell and answer me this, what are book tokens? That's obviously not a thing they have over there. I gather from context that these are a staple of grand and godparent gift giving in the UK.

He's done some good deduction. But he says, I've never heard of them until I started listening to your podcast. Individual bookstores in the US might have gift vouchers and such, but this seems to be a more comprehensive setup. Yeah, the way we talk about it. As if it's a thing we're constantly thinking about. We are still cleaving to the idea of book tokens. It's a nationwide scheme that independent and chain bookstores have signed into so it means that by giving it you're not telling people to go to one particular

store but you are making sure that if they're a child they have to spend it on something that they won't consider that much fun but their parents will think is good for them. Do you know why it was set up? No, why? By Harold Raymond, who in the early 20s became distressed at a Boxing Day party because of the 119 presents that his fellow guests had received on Christmas Day,

only three had received books. And he deduced from this that people wanted to give books, but they didn't want to make the faux people wanted to give books but they didn't want to make the faux pas of giving someone a book they didn't want giving the wrong book yeah i'll invent this token which enables people to give a book without giving a book and it ensures that their intention as the gift giver is known because it's a book token so you want them to buy a book but you want them to have the choice of book now Now, I wonder what the protocol is there. Like, if you go into Waterstones and you come out with,

let's say, a desk diary with Family Guy on it and one of those Hemingway-style notebooks, if you do that, can you buy those with book tokens? Well, I wonder... It's not a book. I wonder whether that's up to the discretion of the counter staff. I bet some of our listeners work in bookshops and know the answer to that. Yeah, let us know.

Waterstones friends, for instance. If someone says, oh, go on, please, let me buy this thing from the Costa Coffee shop downstairs with a book token. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have to say no? The most fun thing you can have is Duncan Bannatyne's autobiography and that's the best I can do for you. I'm sorry.

Hey, hello, Holly. It's Josh from Bournemouth. I'll ask you this. Is it illegal to have fake ID with your real name and age on it? I'm trying to imagine a situation where you would need fake ID with your real age on it. Name, yes. Address, yes. Age. Surely the whole point is to lie about your age. I assume that he's thinking,

I want a card that proves that I'm of legal alcohol-buying age or legal getting into an 18-certificate film age. But I want the thrill of having a counterfeit document. I can't be bothered. I don't want to carry my passport around with me. I don't want to carry my driver's licence around with me slash don't have one. What can I have? You know in American films that we watched when we were

growing up and everyone was talking about fake ID and stuff. But what card is it that they're faking? Driver's licence. Right, okay. So would they do that here? The thing is it's not such a big deal here. Like, when I was a kid, there were pubs that, you know, they just turned a blind eye, didn't they? Whereas in America, it's very, very strict. You have to have ID, even if you're 40,

you do get ID. Yeah, everyone's got a contact in the UK, haven't they? An older sibling, say, with loose attitudes. Even a parent sometimes. I was actually very thrown by this, morally. I was waiting outside a fringe theatre in Hampststead uh for my mom to arrive we were going to see a checkoff play you needed a fake id to get in because

three sisters was 18 certificate they didn't believe that i'd been to university scenes of intense yearning and frustration mild violence slash gunshots um but yeah i was waiting outside for her to arrive and it was a nice summer's day and it happened this pub theater to be next to a convenience store and a clearly 15 year old boy came up to me and said mate oh mister buy me some candy cigarettes will you get it was fags it wasn't booze yeah will you go in there and buy me some fags and i thought well he's only a year under cigarette buying age secondly he's obviously already addicted so me buying them makes no actual difference you're still a facilitator and thirdly

i'm not making a profit on this i'm just buying them for him because he's not allowed and probably normally his mom or dad or brother would buy them for me you're a fervent anti-smoker though yeah i am and actually i said no but he was quite confrontational like he was quite you know he had nowhere else to go and then there was basically there was an awkward 10 minutes where he was standing there asking other people and i was still there if you've got a fake id that has your real name and real age and real details it's just not an official driving license or something it's still illegal because it's a counterfeit driving license yeah well exactly depends what it's counterfeiting but if it was just a card that said if it's a dash id exactly yeah then it's just meaningless essentially

that's right but you can get that kind of thing on the internet yeah something that looks vaguely official but it's called yeah international human identity document and if you have one of those then yeah that's a bit kind of borderline but if it's a fake driving license then that is a counterfeited document and that's illegal to be carrying it around to order it is to conspire in forging the document it's all bad basically here's another question about age uh from will in oxford who says ollie answer me this who is the oldest person you've genuinely been attracted to compared to your age at the time okay being attracted to diana rigg in the avengers doesn't count her hotness as emma peel is a historic fact i'm talking about people who are already old at the time you realized you were attracted to them. P.S.

a mate of mine boffed one of his mum's 47 year old friends. When he later told her he was 27 she was really shocked and said she never would have done it if she knew he was so young. Thing is, he was lying. He was actually 17 at the time. What?

Thanks for that story, Will. God, so older women that were much older than me at the time what thanks for that story will um god so older women that were much older than me at the time i i think i've mentioned before that i had a bit of a thing for gloria hannaford which is odd for she still looks fanciful now i'm talking about when i was say 15 and she was say 50 yeah that's the oldest i think i've ever gone um but but i never really would have actually you know if i actually got in the same room with her could i've got a stiffy doubt it this is a bit of a weird one as well actually i quite like nikki chapman of pop idol so we were what like 19 when that was on and she was probably 40 yeah so 20 years there that's a pretty ordinary age gap yeah and um gina davis in the long kiss

good night i reckon she was probably 42 then when we were 15. Very youthful looking though. So about 20 years is the usual max. When I was an early teen, say 13 or 14, my celebrity crush was John Thor as Inspector Morse. That's really old though. What was it about him that attracted you to him? I think it was the snowy hair.

And also I think just at the time I had no interest in real relationships. So it was the snowy hair. And also, I think just at the time, I had no interest in real relationships. Yeah. So it was purely a sex thing. But I watch Inspector Morse now, and still, I don't feel sexual towards him, but I still think, hmm, yeah. I just love the idea that young Helen Zaltzman

would be flicking quickly through a copy of Smash Hits, thinking, what, another picture of Nick Carter? Where's Inspector Moore? He looks like he can't even grow a beard or do a cryptic crossword. Oi! Shut up and answer me this. Come on then. Why don't you shut your ugly face? I'm not ugly, it's the condition.

It's no condition, it's the tuggliness, mate. Answer me this. Pod. Cast. Google. Mail. Dot. Com.

Answer me this. Pod. Cast. Google. Mail. Dot. Com. Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com. Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com. Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com. Now, seriously, though, go back to your own country. That's what we're all thinking, isn't it? It's what we're all thinking. It's got a question. I ain't got no questions. Don't look at me.

Shut your mouth. So, retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors.

Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Question from Sarah from Brisbane, Australia, who says, after six long years, I've recently graduated from medical school. Well done. There we are. Helen giving you a round of applause there. You only get one from me if you also qualify as an astronaut. she's gonna have to go back to undergrad level once you get to proper doctor i'll give her a round of applause uh she says uh unfortunately many friends and

family now use social gatherings as an opportunity to get free advice on all manner of lumps bumps and other socially inappropriate symptoms and And you're surprised why? Yeah, exactly. I was going to say drawback of the job or something, but it's not even that, is it? It's just it is the job. If you're an accountant, they'd ask you for advice about fiddling their taxes. If you're a lawyer, they'd say,

I'm having a bit of trouble because my neighbour's done something to the fence. Can I sue them? If you're a podcast, they'll say, Is there any money in podcasting? I'll say, no, no, there isn't actually. And there's no follow-up question. I'll get a proper job with them, they'll say. She says, although I now have the title of doctor,

I would like to use my social occasions for being social, not doctor-y. Hang out with only doctors then. Well, actually, I think that is often what happens, isn't it? So Helen answered me this. What is the best way to deal with the annoying auntie who wants advice on her vaginal prolapse during Christmas lunch? You could insinuate saying, well, we don't want to talk about that, do we?

I'm not at work at the moment and it's disgusting. Let's talk about you. So kind of redirect it onto them and suggest that if you were to talk about that, it would be too much of a treat for you and not a treat for them. What I would do, if I were you, Sarah, is suggest that really the medical situation they've just come to you with has implications of something far more

serious just look at them like really seriously and say just this just isn't appropriate time to deal with a problem of that kind of nature so just ruin the party for them basically and then they won't do it again will they or you could just say oh i'm sorry that's not my area at all i don't know about x part of the body that's true isn't it because people who aren't doctors don't really know what all those latin words mean patient confidentiality i can't possibly tell you what's wrong with you because it'd be breaching your confidence just whip off to the buffet whilst they're still thinking about what you said obviously if they start choking in front of you it's rude of you not to give them heimlich or something okay well here's a psychological question now from rob from newport uh so if

sarah was uh some kind of doctor of the mind, she might be able to solve this for him. But as it is, you can stand down, Sarah. He says, Helen, answer me this. Why do people want to eat quiche? Is that a psychological question in your mental card index? The implication is that I think that he thinks people are

punishing themselves with it because he says quiche looks like dog sick with a crust. No, it doesn't. I've never seen dog sick with a crust. No, it doesn't. I've never seen dog sick that has slightly melted cheese on it. Or slices of tomato. I, for one, refuse to ever let it into my mouth. But Helen, answer me this.

Where does quiche come from and who created it? Well, it's very hard to know because eggy substances encased in pastry have been around... You know what? Even you just describing them like that makes me feel a bit queasy. Eggy. Eggy substances encased in pastry have been around even you just describing them like that makes me feel a bit queasy eggy substances yes yes i don't like quiche either i'm with rob i make a really delicious don't care will make me sick martin uh you like omelets yes you like pastry i am okay with pastry i don't mind pies but i prefer the filling to the pie

element of it could you pick the pastry off or pretend that it's toast? What it is, right, is it combines the worst elements of what I like about omelettes and the worst elements of pies and puts them in one thing that's a bit lukewarm and a bit... Like, the texture, it's like the texture of cheesecake, that weird kind of flibbly-flubbly. I just... Anyway, the origins of the invention of quiche are obscure because it's been around since at least the 14th century.

It's a kind of classic old English dish, encasing eggs in pastry and stuff and the word quiche is from French and they borrowed it from German for cake this is how little

I like quiche I don't know the difference between the classic types of quiche like what's a quiche Lorraine no idea

that's bacon I think bacon and maybe onion and then what is another good quiche I don't know any of the quiche names you obviously love quiche more than I do

because you've given them all names you don't have to of the quiche names. You obviously love quiche more than I do, Ollie, because you've given them all names. You don't have to label them, Ollie. Just name it Lorraine. Just put some mercy on it. This is quiche Lorraine, and this is quiche Fern. This is quiche Anne Diamond. In this time of purse strings tightening,

the internet's a smorgasbord of fabulous free things, like showbiz news, no need for magazines, stalking your old school friends. Videos of fat kids falling over, stealing films and music. Sharing photos of your nan, filing your tax return. But by far my favourite free thing to type is answer me this into Skype. Right, time for a question from the phone line now, the number of which is... 0208 123 5877 And let's see who has left a message on that line this week. Hi, it's Vicky and Ellie from Edinburgh. And let's see who has left a message on that line this week.

Hi, it's Vicky and Ellie from Edinburgh. And we would like to know, where does the phrase lie back and think of England come from when you're having sex, obviously? Is it a war thing, this? Which war? Okay, good. I like the way she just came straight back at me with that. Okay, here's what I was thinking.

I was thinking the Second World War. Okay, I'm imagining either it's women who had been left behind in this country. Your husband wouldn't find out. You lie back. You think of England. It was kind of an ironic phrase for having sex with a soldier. Right. That was one thought.

Or possibly soldiers overseas themselves having sex with prostitutes or something and you know taking stock of the fact that they were only doing that because they were overseas because they were posted for their country that that's what i was thinking well there is a war implication to this obviously none of those things none of those things okay after the first world war it was commonly bandied around because they needed to repopulate right they lost so many that makes more sense than all of my dirty suggestions about people cheating on the house it's a much older phrase than that it was cited in the 1912 journal of lady hillingdon where she said when i hear his

steps outside my door i lie down on my bed open my legs and think of england even if he doesn't come into the room yeah that's pretty crazy isn't? It makes sense that for a lady who may be, especially within the coital arrangements of an old-fashioned marriage where sex wasn't openly discussed, may not be having a particularly satisfying time of it, may be focused on the future generations. Well, she was Lady Hillingdon,

so she probably thought, lie back, think of England, specifically the large tracts of land which my husband will bequeath to me. Exactly, and that we're going to produce a squire for. for yeah but it's a much older phrase than that anyway a lot of people credit it to queen victoria but i don't think she would say anything so vulgar never lie back in her life can you imagine well also she seemed she was quite keen wasn't she she and albert had quite a lively relationship yeah but i imagine if even in the context of that she was probably on

some sort of wire so she could stay seated but anyway i think the phrase did originate in the context of that, she was probably on some sort of wire so she could stay seated. But anyway, I think the phrase did originate in the Victorian era. And I think it was part of the wisdom that was inflicted on innocent young girls before they got married to kind of make them understand what they were expecting from marital Congress. And it was often also accompanied with the phrase, whatever happens, remember it happened to the queen well here's a question from preston who says i seem to remember that the bbc used to have a policy that all of their weather forecasters actually had to be meteorologists answer me this was it true and is it still true because some of the newer weather people are very young and attractive and i sometimes find myself doubting their meteorologist credentials beautiful young women can also be clever and qualified. Yes, although, well, okay.

The ones that you see on Sky News, for example, where they have actually dumped their qualified meteorologist. But she's a lovely Irish blonde lady. Oh, good Lord, yes. They are qualified journalists, but they're not necessarily meteorologists. So they haven't got their own weather station on the roof of the sky building in osterley precisely so um however uh the bbc do still use the met centre and if you work at the met centre as a broadcast journalist you are a meteorologist first and a broadcaster second so yes everyone on the bbc still is a

meteorologist even the young and pretty ones that said it's a bit like people getting into Oxford because they're really good rowers, isn't it? I'm sure. Is it? I'm sure that there have been situations where a BBC news producer has dialed up the Met Office and said, look, we've got this 21 year old bit of hot stuff coming down. Can you qualify her as a meteorologist, please, so that she can do the weather? So surely it must be the case that they might be choosing the more attractive end for the presenters, which, you know, I'm not saying that's right. I'm saying it just probably happened. Live TV. That was topless weather, wasn't it?

It was... Oh, now, let's see. They had the news bunny and they had topless darts. I don't know if they had topless weather. Was it weather on a trampoline? That sounds quite plausible. They were probably qualified meteorologists, though, weren't they? I like the one they used to have

where there was that guy called Fred or something running around like a sort of giant starry island. On the This Morning weather map. Yeah, that was good. Like in the Liverpool docks. Now, that is very misleading, Martin.

I've been to look at that island. It's not very big, is it? You know, the map looked like it had these incredible miniature landmarks on it. It was just two-dimensional. Just bits of card propped up. Oh, wow.

Very disappointing. The thing is, with that, kind of like on Countdown, where you're hoping that one day it's going to say wanker, but you know that if ever it did, it wouldn't actually get broadcast, it would just end up on YouTube. With this morning, because it's live,

presumably the whole point of the weather map is that one day he'd fall in, right? I'm sure he did fall in. Did he ever fall in? Check YouTube. But you see, I bet if he he fell in he fell in sort of half on purpose like when peter simon used to fall over at the end of double day every week he probably thought i want everyone to laugh at something i'm saying not just going all right and then returning to eating a cake with vanessa felt but you'd want him to fall over in a really spectacular way when he was trying to look efficient

wouldn't you that's the thing that's the joke that's what we wanted to see and when he had an outfit that looked particularly funny, wet. A lot of people aren't going to understand what we're talking about. No, fuck them. It used to be the case that on a daytime morning show, they did the weather

by making a middle-aged man walk around a giant polystyrene map. Didn't this walk around? He was running, he was leaping around different parts of the country showing off all the different features. If it was raining,

as it almost certainly was half the time, it would have been very slippery. It would have. He'd probably had to wear spikes. And country, showing off all the different features. If it was raining, as it almost certainly was half the time, it would have been very slippery. It would have. He'd probably had to wear spikes. And yet, I don't recall ever seeing him fall. I'm going to look on YouTube. We'll see if he's fallen in.

He drowned. He drowned off the coast of East Anglia. I'm Humphrey. And on the Twitters, I follow at Helen and Ollie. I should clarify, when I say at, I don't mean the preposition at. I mean one of those A's with a surrounding circle of the sort that used to designate the price of foot per foot. Here's a question from Megan from North Walsham, who says,

My friends and I went to a club. Oh, yeah. At the bar, an old school acquaintance struck up a conversation with me. It was his birthday, and he asked me to dance. This set-up is not good already. I accepted, and we moved me to dance this setup is not good already i accepted and we moved to the dance floor where he rubbed up against my leg to some terrible rap style music this seemed quite a good idea at the time after a drunken kiss he tried to whisper something to me though being

quite drunk and unable to understand his lisp i told you this didn't sound good i had to ask him to repeat it at this point he produced what he must have thought was the best chat-up line in history. Are you getting gooey? Oh! Very graphic. Really? Very graphic.

I suppose we think of Cadbury's cream eggs. In your pants. Actually, how do you eat yours would be a better chat-up line than that. Needless to say This sobered me up quite quickly I made some lame excuse and ran away Ollie please answer me this How in any way did he think that was going to work

There is not enough alcohol in the world To excuse that kind of line Well this is a guy That is apparently by himself on his birthday And then hitting up old school acquaintances And is obviously really pissed maybe you were the 10th girl he tried it on that night maybe he thought well it didn't work when i tried to be nice it didn't work when i said do you want to come back to mine so i'll just go straight for a line i've seen in porn that seems to work and he probably thought he was in because you'd let him rub up against you and kiss you

maybe he thought well it's now or never the At least this, I'm not going to be wondering afterwards. Whatever answer she gives is going to be very firmly in one of only two camps. There's not any kind of, oh, well, you'll have to wait and see. Yeah, there's no second way of taking it, is there even? Here is another misbegotten chat-up line in a question from Sam in Paris, who says, I sent a sexy text by mistake to my mail boss.

Oh, good God. Which was intended for my husband, saying, kisses on your luscious plums. No. Oh, wow. That could be taken both ways as well. Answer me this. Have you sent an embarrassing text or email by mistake? Make her feel better ollie you

must have really messed up in your time surely i've never sent a sex text by mistake no they've all been intended closest that i've come to that with a phone is i when i used to work at itv i was once looking after a guest uh who was a complete quack whose thing was that they could tell your fortune by looking at your toenails and i you know in the nature of these things as a tv researcher had to have a very kind of heart-to-heart serious interview with her on the phone and you know i was the whole time giggling to my mate sitting next to me right and all day um we were kind of sending each other parodies of this woman's style of uh you know seeing the future through toenails so like oh kiani reeves he's got a bit of dirt under his

second toe that means that he's gonna meet a woman who was born on a friday or whatever yeah and uh it's niche yeah that evening i sent a really like nasty one and i actually i did that thing where you send it to the person the text is about instead of the person the text is meant for. I just didn't know what to do about it. What did you do? I just left it. She was keen to be seen to be the sort of gregarious guest. Yeah.

So she texted back, ha ha ha, can't wait to see you tomorrow. Good one. Poor woman. Yeah. But I was like, now she knows that all of my mock politeness has gone to shit. She knows that I'm laughing at her behind her back, basically. And next day she gave you a toenail reading.

Yeah, it says you're going to be set fire to and you're going to die horribly. Yeah, cancer at 25. That's what I'm seeing for you. So yeah, that was pretty mortifying. But at least that was... At least that was justified because they are a quack. Because she was a quack. And it was a professional contact that I only actually did need to be nice to for a 24-hour period anyway.

It's a shame that you sent that text on the wrong side of that 24-hour period. Exactly. Whereas if it's your actual boss and you say, lick my luscious plums or whatever it was. Yeah, that is awkward. I don't know how you get out of that. Martin did an unfortunate email to his actual boss and it's kind of our fault. A very long time ago we had an answer in this couplet at the beginning of the show, which said... Is this mole on my back looking malignant?

Oh, yeah. Is it melanoma or just excessive pigment? Yes, I remember that one. Which I thought was really funny. And while I was in my work at a cancer-related job, I sent Helen an email going, Hee hee hee, melanoma! In response to that. And of course, I didn't send it to Helen, I sent it to my fucking, hee hee hee, melanoma, in response to that.

And of course I didn't send it to Helen, I sent it to my fucking boss. Oh my God. And that was, I think that's probably the most disappointing moment of my life. You're working as a cancer scientist and you sent your boss an email

that said, hee hee, melanoma. Yeah. That wins. Yeah, that's amazing. It's next level. Well, I hope you're feeling better. Sam in Paris. The rest of you do, please.

Tell us about these mistakes you've made or send us an email entirely on purpose with a question in it for a future episode and our email address and also our telephone number and our Skype ID are all listed on our website. AnswerMeThisPodcast.com And really nothing you send there can be a faux pas because even if it's not intended for us we will find it funny and we will read it on there so please go ahead and entertain us and we'll see you next week