Answer Me This! - AMT210: Sham Marriage, Giant Sculptures and Rockstars vs. Televisions

Episode Date: March 22, 2012

Sham Marriage, Giant Sculptures and Rockstars vs. Televisions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

To support sustainable food production, BHP is building one of the world's largest potash mines in Canada. Essential resources responsibly produced. It's happening now at BHP, a future resources company. Answer me this, answer me this Why can't I have my pudding till I've eaten my peas? Answer me this, answer me this Helen and Ollie, answer me this Well listeners, as we warned you last week, this is our last episode until we go off on a little holiday. That's it, we're out of here. So long suckers, I've got my bucket and spade and I'm off to Cleethorpes.

Do they have a version of cleethorpes where you're going what hell i'll have to tell you after i'm dead but i will come back and give you a good haunting to let you know right we will be back on the 19th of april however if you need a little something to tide you over an escaping chasm of audio we've recorded an hour long special one-off album well it's one off unless it's really successful in which case it's the first of many yes it is a jubilee special to commemorate the queen's upcoming celebration of the length of time she has held the job of queen and you can buy it now from itunes now even as you're listening to this if you want you can

go to itunes type and answer me This Jubilee, there it'll be. 57 whole minutes of royalist fun. Everything from who decides how many guns are in a gun salute to... What the Queen's tits are like. And what's the point of the royal family, that's in there. It has to be, doesn't it, really? It's a very royal-friendly collection. I'm not sure we adequately answer that question, to be fair.

Spoiler. All this can be yours for the price of £2.49. That's right, or $3.99 if you're in the US, or a similarly puny amount wherever you are. for that question to be fair. Spoiler. All this can be yours for the price of £2.49. That's right. Or $3.99 if you're in the US or a similarly puny amount wherever you are that you like to iTunes in the world

in whatever currency you choose. I don't know how many ringgits or yen. We get for every album I've worked out £1.27. Do we? Yeah. Awesome.

Now that's then, listeners, going to be split between the three of us. So think, oh, that Helen, Ollie and Martin, I've had five years of free entertainment from them. If I saw them in the street,

would I be prepared to give them 42 pence to thank them? 42 and a third pence. That's right. Every third counts. If you would throw 42 and a third pence our way,

at each of us, answer me this podcast.com slash albums. Thank you very much. Thank you. Now, you may have thought that Jude escaped Helen this week without any further discussion

about Big Bird. Oh, God god will there never be an end to this muppet conundrum helen here is a question not about big bird him slash herself but instead a very big bird great the best kind it's from paul in budapest who says there's a four-day weekend in Hungary coming up. Yay! Thanks, independence. And I'd had my heart set on spending the break visiting what I'd been told was the world's largest bird statue. You sure know how to spend a public holiday.

That's a bad year. I do love our listeners, Helen. You can bet there's no one writing into the Adam Carolla show asking about bird statues. I wouldn't bank on anything. He's got a lot of time to fill every day however a cursory google search paul continues sells the statue of the toral there rather shorter suggesting it's merely the largest bird statue in europe really my cursory google search suggests otherwise okay good good let's bring this back

on track for paul in Budapest. According to some references, he says, it's only the largest in Central Europe. No, if you read it properly, Paul, it would say it was the largest bronze sculpture in Central Europe, but it is the largest bird sculpture in the world. Oh, okay, good. So answer me this, Helen.

What is the largest bird statue in the world? That one in Tatabanya of the Turul, and it's got a nearly 15 metre wingspan. And does it have stockings like Big Bird? No. Shame. It's a mythical type of bird, not a bloody Sesame Street bird. Oh, not a real bird like Big Bird,

modelled on actual avian example. Right, right. Does the Angel of the North count as a bird sculpture? No, that's obviously a human. But it's got wings. The clue's in the title, Angel of the North. All right, all right. Not Bird of the North, got wings. The clue's in the title, Angel of the North. Not Bird of the North, is it?

It's not Sarah Millican, eh? I think even if, say, in somewhere very show-offy like Dubai, they built a 30-metre wingspan bird sculpture, it's still worth going to see a 15-metre bird sculpture if you're interested in giant bird sculptures. That's right. If you're the kind of person who'd be interested in seeing the third or second biggest bird sculpture in the world, that should be enough for you.

We should be so lucky to see the biggest any sort of sculpture in the world, right? Hey, you know they've got that fourth plinth in Trafalgar Square? Yeah, that awful rocking horse thing on it. Do you not like it? No. I like it. Oh, it's shit. It looks like it's made of plastic.

What is it? I haven't seen that. Okay, it's a child on a rocking horse. It's gold. It's shit. It looks like it's made of plastic. What is it? I haven't seen it. All right. Okay. It's a child on a rocking horse. It's gold. It's gold. It's crap. It's deliberately kind of camp.

Crap. What's that guy called? Coons, is it? No, no, no. It's not like Jeff Coons. It's almost camp like an Anne Geddes photo of a baby dressed as a sunflower. What it's supposed to be doing, and to be fair, I did have to read a lot of news articles so that I was like, oh, yes, itchy beard.

I understand. There's supposed to be doing, and to be fair, I did have to read a lot of news articles so that I was like, oh yes, itchy beard, I understand. There's nothing to understand. It's just a golden sculpture of a boy on a walking horse. What am I going to say then, Helen, if there's nothing to understand? I don't care what it means. I don't care. Fine. It means nothing. I care, go on.

Yeah, well maybe the listeners care. It's a decoration. It's like a giant Christmas decoration. Well, let me tell you what I read and then you'll see whether you agree. I think it's interesting because the artist's intention is to subvert the tradition of equestrian statue in Trafalgar Square. Okay, that's clever. So the rest are warhorses. Rather than being military.

Yes. And the little boy apparently is looking away from the warhorses because he's frightened of them. What a dickhead. No, he's a child, Helen. Oh, he's perfectly fine to be near the lions. And Nelson. lions it's a nelson no he's saying look at the innocent fun of a child on a horse compared to these sort of hero worship statues of men on horseback going to war and it's a kind of it's a subversive sort of anti-war statue it's not good enough for me it looks bad bring back the ship in

the bottle but anyway what i was going to say is when the plinth next becomes available which is 2014 i think what you could do is build what is actually the world's biggest bird statue and only temporarily be the world's biggest bird statue wouldn't it why because everyone's always trying to one up no because the plinth is only a temporary thing it's only for a year statue still exists it would just be in a different situation well it would be in a museum or something but i guess someone could not that size you have to put it outdoors yeah put it on the roof what i'm saying is like it would scare off all the pigeons from trafalgar square and that'd be a great thing what i'm saying is pa Put it on the roof like it would scare off all the pigeons from Trafalgar Square and that would be a great thing.

What I'm saying is, Paul in Budapest, go and see this sculpture whilst it remains the biggest bird statue in Europe because it may not be for much longer if I have anything to do with it. Here's a question from Reva from Effingham who says, I went to Egypt last month and all the time we were there for three weeks the only song they played was Sex Bomb. Even though I could see there were loads of other cds they could have played only answer me this why did they do this why it's the biggest problem

egypt has right now exactly yeah not bombs sex bombs yes this is a tom jones song right yeah yeah yeah that's right from the album uh reload but you saying, let me unload all over your boobs. That's basically it. Sex bomb, sex bomb, I'm on fire. I'm too old to ejaculate, so I just... Ejaculate sparks. Anyway. I'm on a timer, hurry up. I imagine, Reva, that it's just the local satirising Western culture.

They're like, if you're going to come here to a Muslim country and hole yourself up in a resort hotel doing aqua aerobics... I'm not going to bother imbuing you with the local culture. No, we're just going to take the basest, most sexually bizarre song about a horny old Welshman and play it to you relentlessly. I tell you what, we're going to ape Guantanamo Bay. Maybe it's number one on the Egyptian hit parade. It's possible.

Because often these things take several years to properly penetrate abroad. Or maybe they just don't notice. When I was on holiday in Turkey, for example, the locals there didn't seem to notice

that the whole time they seemed to be playing exactly the same Turkish pop song endlessly. That's because all Turkish pop songs sound the same to the untrained ex-Turkish ear. It's all Kiss Kiss by holly valance but it was basically except with tarkan instead

of holly valance so i wonder if if uh in the same way that kind of uh to us that all sounded like the same song maybe to the locals all songs sound like sex bomb anyway so you might as well just play sex but truly all life is here however there are a lot of bars that do just play the same music over again when i worked in the bar at our university college even though there were a lot of cds they had one of those massive donut shaped cd changes but the only two albums played were pet sounds and a queen album i think a best of and even though both those albums are good yeah solid striving music you know working there a couple of nights a week. I can't listen to the Beach Boys.

It took like 10 years for that to wear off. Yeah, well, look what happened to Brian Wilson. If you've got a question, email your question. To answer me in this podcast, give them a call. Answer me in this podcast, give them a call. Answer me. Answer me. This podcast is brought to you by the of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America.

We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectives. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Time for a question from Tim, who says, a few months ago, I met a crazy lady from brazil yay she is 41 and i am 26 very good and it is strictly platonic uh however the other day she asked me to marry her strictly that doesn't sound very platonic what a crazy lady from brazil i marry you you'll bring me brazil nuts i think some people will find that offensive that's not what what Brazilian people say, Mike.

But for official purposes, as she wants to get a passport. Oh. Oh, I see. Oh, how romantic. I know it's illegal and not morally right, but she did say she would offer good money. Right. I offer you good money, I crazy lady.

Please stop that. What is that supposed to be? To fool the law, you apparently have to stay married for two years she said she would pay me 1500 pounds for two years that's rubbish less than 15 quid a week it's probably about what i spend on on hazelnut lattes to marry someone and that is a proper relationship. Now, I'm not greedy in character, Tim continues, and work very hard for not more than the minimum wage, but this didn't strike me as much, nor us, considering the potential two years of my time.

So, Helen, answer me this. How much is fair price for two years of official marriage? Well, also, you've got to count in the fact that getting married costs money. Yeah, that's true. Even if you just do the bare minimum of turning up at registry office. It's got to be convincing, hasn't it? So you would spend more than nothing, probably more than £1,500. It's £66 just to get the licence.

Now, if one of you is not British or from the EU or a diplomat, then it's really quite difficult to get the license i understand because they're trying to crack down on exactly this kind of thing yeah a friend of a friend he was marrying a man from cameroon and apparently the registrars demanded like evidence of them being together for a long time they interviewed various of their friends they looked at like correspondence going back over the years they wanted to see photos of them together yeah i also asked my divorce lawyer friend Nick and he says if the government

thinks it's only a marriage of convenience they won't let it happen. They won't grant the licence and in this country you can't get married without a licence. Also if you're doing it knowingly and you're doing it for money then you're breaking the law aren't you? She's asking you to break the law. Well she could get deported permanently. I mean couldn't you be done for perverting the course of justice?

It's essentially fraud. Actually couldn't we be done like perverting the course of justice isn't it yeah essentially for actually couldn't we be done for perverting the course of justice by advising you on this matter as well we're advising him not to effectively i suppose so i mean why does this woman want to stay here anyway people speak highly of brazil yeah worth all this inconvenience growing economy as well though i'm not sure though whether um it is two years you have to stay married you have to be you can't legally get divorced until you've been married a year, Nick says, as he rubs his hands,

anticipating Martin's my first wedding anniversary. But actually, maybe it's a visa thing. I think you only get like a kind of conditional visa for the first couple of years. I mean,

let's assume that you can actually get away with it. What's your price? I just think it's too much hassle. For 1500 quid? Yeah, definitely. Get a summer job in Astor.

I think the bottom line is 10k plus expenses. Thank you. I mean, this too much hassle. For £1,500? Yeah, I'd do it for that. Get a summer job in Astor. I think the bottom line is £10,000 plus expenses. Thank you. I mean, this guy's 26. I think if I was 21 and someone said, here's £20,000, you'll be married for two years, I'd be like, yeah. And again when I'm 22, please. But I'm a bad liar and I don't think I'd do very well

with the sort of immigration officials or the sort of home office people. Hey, you convinced everybody at our wedding. Imagine having to explain that in your early 20s you'd had this marriage of convenience. I don't think a lot of women would be very impressed with that sort of behaviour.

That's the thing. If you're 26 now and you think, oh, you know, not got much else going on, not got a girlfriend, etc. What if you meet someone great three months in

and you're like... Meet my wife. Yeah, it's alright. She's not really my wife. It's platonic and she's a crazy Brazilian. But we have to make the government believe that it is a real marriage.

It leads to surprisingly uncomfortable feelings if you take money for things that are emotional. I mean, this is marriage. And I know marriage doesn't mean much to you, Oli. But I still think if someone had paid you to be married to them for two years when you were in your early 20s, I think you would have felt bad about it.

It's like if a woman who you would have sex with anyway paid you for the sex with anyway paid you for the sex i don't think this would seem like the ideal situation in reality that it would look like on paper it does sound good isn't that just the same as if they got me a nice present afterwards to thank me for the amazing sex the present has to be of higher value because i went for over 10 minutes where do you go to find all the answer that you are looking for? I will tell you the secret. Very good, very good. Where do you go to find the answer?

AnswerMeThisPodcast.com Where do you go to find the answer? AnswerMeThisPodcast.com You will find your answer here. AnswerMeThisPodcast.com You will find your answer here. AnswerMeThisPodcast.com While will find your answer here AnswerMeThisPodcast.com While we're on our break, listeners,

please do not forget to send us your questions via email, obviously, but I particularly urge you to send them in via the telephone. Yes, please, because we've had some quite ropey callers the last few weeks. You can call this number. 0208 123 5807 Or you can Skype answer me this and leave us a lovely voicemail like this one. Hi, it's Chris from March.

Hello, no, no, no, answer me this. I'm just wondering, has anyone ever won the lottery using the Lucky Dip selection? I don't even think I fully understand what the Lucky Dip selection does. What don't you understand? You choose six numbers to play the National Lottery. Yeah, and Lucky Dip is for people that are too stupid or lazy to do that.

Yes. But what does it matter? I mean, it's so unlikely that numbers you choose through some system are going to win. You may as well choose Lucky Dip. Well, in fact, it makes better sense. Because even though you're as likely to win using Lucky Dip as with numbers you've chosen, people tend to choose similar sorts of numbers to each other because they'll choose the age of their daughter or the age of their

husband or their lucky number which is usually seven or something under 28 people it's actually very hard to be properly random if you try to be that's right and in fact this is the reason why lucky dip tickets uh or if you live in the rest of the world Quick Pick Quick Pick? Yeah I can see why they went for Lucky Dip Sounds more fun doesn't it? It does

Like it's covered in sherbet Yeah Whereas Quick Pick sounds like something quite dirty like picking a flake out your bum that you'd want to do very quickly and no one would see you Thank you Ollie The reason that Camelot in the UK

didn't introduce Lucky Dip tickets for the first two years of the National Lottery was precisely because Too winny It's a bit too winning because those cheeky bastards it's more likely to produce a rollover if people choose their own numbers because the random result is just as likely to come up but because no one's been doing lucky dip it's unlikely that people will have chosen those random numbers it's more likely that people will have chosen something like the most common combination which is 7 14 21 28 35 and 42 oh the seven times table well apparently 10 000 tickets are bought for each draw with the combination one two three four five and six you're talking about people with no imaginations seriously

those people should be playing lucky dip why would you play the lottery if you're that much of a loser so the answer is yes lots of people have won using lucky dip obviously i haven't managed to find anything on the internet that actually itemizes exactly how many and how many lucky dips versus how many non-lucky dips but i think out of all tickets lucky dip only represents about 10 of sales so of course it's probably going to be around about 10 of winnings here's a question from kirsty and chris from l London, who say, Ollie, answer me this. Who was the last rock star to throw a TV from a hotel window? This isn't a myth, this TV out of windows thing. No, it happened loads.

Happened loads. I bet it still does. Well, exactly. So how can we say who the last person was? I bet it happened five minutes ago. Rock stars are cocks. And televisions are so throwable. Of course, they're a little bit less heavy nowadays.

Keith Moon did it. So did Keith Richards. Didn't Johnny Depp do that? He trash hotel room in the in the era when he was going out with cake moss so god knows what substances they were both ingesting and he said i'd been trying to swat a giant cockroach thirty thousand dollars worth of damage really is it that much how do you damage that much in a hotel room the best one i read because i just couldn't believe it cost this much for this one item was Alice Cooper in the 70s $5,000 because he turned over a Coke vending machine $5,000 in the

70s that's like 30 grand now for a Coke machine and I thought Alice Cooper was quite weedy that takes a lot of strength anyway yes I think I know who may be the last rock star to throw a TV out of a hotel window can you even get a hotel window open enough to get a television out of now? Although they are flat screens, you only need to open it a crack.

Okay, you ready? Yes. Matt Willis from Busted. He's not a rock star, he's a pop star. I know, but the last document I can find of any kind of musician at all throwing a TV out of a window, it was Matt Willis from Busted about 10 years ago. Because why would you want to get rid of the TV?

When you're in a hotel room and you're on a boring tour, it's the only thing that's keeping you going yeah well this is it i've read a lot of articles about this and apparently like when artists stay in hotels their main concern nowadays is blackout curtains so they can sleep during the day they like a spa if possible right and a late checkout as well as somewhere safe to park the tour bus hash browns at breakfast yeah it's that kind of thing isn't it they get snobbish about don't they say oh it's ridiculous either they think they are rock stars you know they want it all but actually if you're away from home more than you're at home yeah it's fair enough to say well i want to stay in the best hotel in an area in a place where fans aren't able to get into my room and stuff like that but matt well is for busted apparently was being interviewed by i don't know someone from smash hits or something

and uh the journalist was saying how rock and roll wasn't rock and roll anymore and I know they weren't rock and roll but they were a pop group pretending to be rock and roll. Yes which was funny. No one throws TVs out of windows anymore so he did it in the middle of the interview. Wow. And then was held really guilty afterwards and was just worried that nobody was hurt. You know what would have been a more interesting

question? Who was the first rock star to throw a TV out of a window? Because you might be able to go back to the days of bluesmen to have, like, Son House kicking a TV. And the TVs were big in those days. They were, like, the size of a wardrobe, and they actually had to get a porter to help them out with it downstairs, and then they just kicked it off the front doorstep.

I think you'll find Vera Lynn actually threw a Roberts radio out of the Ritz in 1927, so that wins. I think you'll find that Mozart smashed up the Globe Theatre. He kicked a faggot up, so good. Here's a question from Luke from Lewis now, who says, My nan keeps a bag full of corks at the bottom of the bed. Of course he does. We didn't have teddy bears in my day because of the rationing.

She swears they stop her getting cramps during the night. Whatever makes it work for her. So Helen, answer me this. Does this work, or is it a pile of old lady bullshit? Well, if it's a pile of old lady bullshit, it's a pile of old lady bullshit that the internet agrees with. But then nobody knows why. And I thought, maybe if you have corks at the bottom of the bed,

maybe it does something like absorb dampness from the atmosphere, which means your ankles are less likely to swell up. But no, people say, I keep a cork under my bed ever since then the cramps have stopped that's ridiculous i mean i know that there are whole areas of the human brain that we don't understand that there might be levels of electromagnetism coming out of corks that we've yet to analyze but basically that's just superstitious crap isn't it yeah i mean it's harder and harder to find a cork now does a plastic cork work does it have to be a proper old corky cork? A little screw bottle top. It might have to be a cork bathroom tile.

Ah, now that would be useful because I've got a lot of those in my flat. And do you have leg cramp if you sleep on the floor? I don't. Oh my God, it's a miracle. I get terrible cough pains and it is normally when the weather suddenly becomes a lot more humid than it has been. Okay, well, apparently you can also press your finger on your upper lip to alleviate the cramp. Or you can keep a spoon by your bedside and press that on the cramping area, Martin, to try that. Or you can use the ancient East Anglian method of keeping the four feet of a mole in your pocket. Now, how would you discover that the four feet of a mole prevented cramp?

Do you look at a mole and think, well, they don't seem to have cramp in their back legs at night. Must be because their fourfeet are so close. Although, Aretha Franklin, if you are listening to this, and I'm sure you are, you should do this. Why? Because she didn't turn up,

did she, to Whitney Houston's funeral because she had leg cramps. That was the reason. Because she had leg cramps? Yeah, that's what the official statement was. Now, in New Jersey, talking of New Jersey, where Whitney Houston's funeral was,

they used to believe, because it seems every region has some strange theory about cramp. But in New Jersey, they used to believe that you got cramp if you walked over a grave. And therefore, as a cramp preventative, people used to carry coffin handles. Can't fault that logic. Here's a question from Joey, who says, I'm at university and as a student, unfortunately, I can only afford cheap accommodation.

Thank you, the Tories. I think, actually, part of the student experience is living in cheap accommodation. And even if you were living somewhere quite swanky, it would be, firstly, wrong. Secondly, it would be trashed. It would look disgusting within a month. Exactly, and if you look at all the people that actually have loads of money

and go to posh universities... They don't have fun. Well, no, I was going to say they like to slum it anyway, don't they? Like Wills. He lived in a shared house, didn't he? Exactly. Because otherwise, yeah, you don't make friends with anyone other than people you went to public school with,

and that's no fun anyway. He says, The reason it is cheap is because I have a shared room with a fellow boy. And you can watch us 24-7 at collegecock.com. We get on to a point, but we're not the closest of friends. I'm starting to get close to a girl and have been thinking about potential future problems. Okay.

Ollie, answer me this. How do I tell my roommate to leave when I want to have the room alone with my new girl without it being really awkward? Because obviously if he stayed in the room, it wouldn't be really awkward at all, would it? I don't think that would be an awkward conversation i think uh most other men would understand that very straightforward scenario i think what would be weirder is explaining to the girl who might have just accepted an invitation back to your room because after all that is the

only place you can invite her you don't mind if simon's just a couple of yards away do you he won't look he promises no not that i think it would be weirder for her to get there and realize that you'd made machinations for him not to be there do you know what i mean you need to make it look like an accident that he's not there really no i think she would prefer it if she knew that there was a guarantee simon would not return i think you need to say to simon simon we both want to get seriously laid don't we we're students let's have a signal okay so if you're gonna get lucky just let me know and i'll sleep on the sofa okay and if i am i'll give you 24 hours notice now tomorrow i think it would be perverse of this fictitious simon to uh actually insist on being there so however awkward you think

the conversation may be the end of the day he's gonna say all right then isn't he i mean it would be really weird if he said no i, I have to be in that night. But if Simon is that type of twat, then the only option you really have is to buy him some industrial headphones to block out the noise and put a screen up in the middle of the room and just go for it.

You've done your best. But still, it might put her off a bit. Well, either that or get him involved. Ask him to fill in when you're tired. Turn a bad into a good. Hand you some refreshing drinks. Maybe some extra lubricants. Or just a towel.

Maybe do some dirty talk. But I think quite a lot of American listeners, say, might not understand because they're kind of used to having roommates at universities. Whereas here, it's a relative rarity. But presumably, if you're at university in America, you have to listen to quite a lot of the sexual activity of your roommate. Actually, partly because of growing up in environments in which masturbation had to be very much...

Furtive. Yes. I don't make a great deal of noise during Congress, and I had to kind of learn my way out of that a little bit. Is that because you make so much noise throughout every other aspect of your life there has to be some private sphere otherwise how can you tell the difference between sexual activity and a bit serious point like and then having flatmates who would like through paper thin walls you actually you sort of train yourself not to i'm like the hunt for an october i'm like sean connery silent running often i don't even know

he's there if you don't even know what a question is, then you're probably at the wrong place. Cos religion's on God casts, dogs are on dog casts, fish are on rod casts, but we don't do fish, cos on this podcast, you answer me this.

Here's a question from richard who says queen elizabeth the first has appeared as a character in at least 78 films and tv series according to imdb she's been portrayed by actors such as judy dench veranda richardson kate blanchett glenda jackson and john cleese this is like one of those really awkward scripted bits of the Oscars, isn't it? And now, ladies and gentlemen, Cate Blanchett. Yeah, well, what of it? So, Ollie, answer me this. Who is the most portrayed character in the history of TV and films? Good question.

Ooh, it's a hard question. It's probably someone really rubbish, isn't it? Like Oliver Twist. It is someone a bit rubbish. Well, I don't want to give you too many clues yet. You're going to say Oliver Twist. Father Christmas. It always used to be Sherlock Holmes, didn't it?

Martin's right that it used to be Sherlock Holmes. The Guinness World Record used to be Sherlock Holmes. But records are made to be broken. But as usual, clever Dick Zaltzman has got in straight away. We're in the entire game with her allegation that it's Father Christmas Unfounded your honour Yeah I've got the full top ten from the Guinness World Records You can guess how many films

Santa Claus has appeared in Oh that is really hard How many films? I'll say well let's work up from ten Right okay so in tenth place With 226 appearances Count Dracula I would have put him in the top ten I didn't think about Dracula When you think about all the Hammer Horror films and then all the spoofs 226 appearances Blimey Count Dracula I would have put them in the top ten That's good

Yeah Now I didn't think about Dracula When you think about all the Hammer Horror films And then all the spoofs Like Leslie Nielsen and stuff Yeah You can see that right Now this really surprised me

229 appearances at number nine Frankenstein No Jason Because they did a lot of those films Not as many as 229 It's for the other end of the market To the horror movie market

it's not Elizabeth Bennett is it or Heathcliff or something no Bugs Bunny the thing is that's all the same actor so actually

out of everyone in the top 10 Mel Blanc's probably the most featured the most prolific film appearer yeah who's next

okay next is Sherlock Holmes that Martin said 238 appearances what ebbs next never in a million years would have guessed. He's got a beard and he's stern.

Who is he? He's got 247 appearances. Is it Karl Marx? No. He's a political figure. Uncle Joe. Top hat, beard, boring. Oh, Abraham Lincoln. Yes, Abraham Lincoln. At 286, he's famous for an internet meme and the Holocaust. Any guesses? Hitler?

Yes. Is that all Hitler? Do all those YouTube videos count? Of the re- of the redub downfall i don't believe so okay at number uh five now he's the big guy 295 appearances andre the giant uh it is of course one and the same andre the giant or as he's known god oh but you can't really portray god it's very difficult and in a way he's in every film. 295 people have tried, Helen. He's everywhere. Next up at number four with 325 appearances is a chip off the old block.

Jesus. Jesus, yes. Presumably these are fictional characters. Couldn't be documentaries. Yeah, because Abraham Lincoln is a fictional character. Yeah, but a character portrayed in a fictional work. I see what you mean, yes. I don't think it includes documentaries, no.

Good point. Even ones with a cinema release, as we know, is more popular now than it used to be. Now, we're looking at the top three now. You've guessed number one is Santa Claus. You've got to guess how many he's had in a minute. Okay. At number three, with 396 appearances...

Bigger than Jesus. If you see him, you might catch your death. Candyman. I thought there were only two films. Close, close. catch your death. Candyman. There were only two films. Close. Who's like the Candyman, but has been around for a bit longer in popular mythology. He's got a scythe. Oh, death.

Death, yeah. Death is in more than God and Jesus. Yeah, isn't that interesting? In the second place, which famous character has had 724 appearances, only marginally fewer than Santa Claus? The devil. Yes, the devil. That makes him more than twice as popular as God. Ha ha. 724 appearances Only marginally fewer than Santa Claus The devil Yes The devil That makes him more than twice as popular as God

Haha Yeah Gets the last laugh Yeah So Bearing in mind that you know The devil has 724 appearances At number one

Santa Claus How many films? And you said It was only a shade It's only a shade more Yeah Right Yeah

Let's play higher lower Higher lower Higher lower Okay 820 897 Lower Oh 748 okay martin you win the points if you say it's higher or lower than 748 and you're right lower no helen wins

you're still a bit off 793 that's good going well done santa 793 santa claus film in a way i'm surprised it's not more i mean because he's saying, in the question, films and TV series. I reckon if you include Santa in TV series, he's going to go well into four figures. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I've just got films here. Does that include Santas that are obvious department store Santas,

like in Bad Santa? Yes, I should think so. Right, that's confusing. Well, the point is, they're going to show up in the credits though, isn't it, as Santa Claus? Presumably those mythological creatures like santa the devil and jesus flourish because they're not copyrighted it's not like if you put spongebob square pants in all the films well i think to be fair as well that over time people may be more interested

in jesus and the grim reaper than in spongebob square pants let's see spongebob hasn't had enough time to prove himself yeah you're right yeah well dracula's there. SpongeBob hasn't had enough time to prove himself. Yeah, you're right. Well, Dracula's there, so I guess that's had a couple hundred years, isn't it? Very faddy. Well, we've done it. We've answered our last question and it is time to go on holiday. That's it. Spring break! Spring break!

Helen did actually just do a mime as if she lifted up her shirt. Yeah, girl's gone wild! It's alright, I'm wearing a buttoned up cardigan listen there's no danger there i'm gonna have to get an owner uh but if you want to be truly wild then the only thing to do this spring break is of course listen to our itunes exclusive album the answer me this jubilee is that really wild seems quite sedate to me well it's a way to prepare yourself for getting wild or maybe in between bursts of wildness chill out learn entertain all these

things in one £2.49 package. That's right. So if you want that, type Answer Me This Jubilee into iTunes or head to our website and click Albums and you can buy it there. And we'd appreciate it and hopefully you'll enjoy it as well. Let us know. Yes, and what we'd also appreciate is if you sent us some questions. Oh, good God, yes.

All of our contact details are listed on our website. AnswerMeThisPodcast.com Which is also the place to head of course on Thursday the 19th of April put it in your diaries, circle it in red on your walls you put it in your diary Ollie actually I tell you what, put it in your Google calendar that's what all you kids use isn't it

you don't use diaries, no I've got a file of facts get with it 80s idiot and we'll see you then for more fun and frolic have a lovely time in the intervening weeks. Bye!