Answer Me This! - AMT211: Pirate Weddings, Sexy Bumblebees, and Müller Yogurt

Episode Date: April 19, 2012

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To support sustainable food production, BHP is building one of the world's largest potash mines in Canada. Essential resources responsibly produced. It's happening now at BHP, a future resources company. Can you really believe Simon Cowell has a penis? Has to be this, has to be this. Which is your favourite Williams, Robbie or Venus? Hello listeners! Welcome back!

Yes, I hope you enjoyed our holiday. Just as much as we did. It's not very often in life you can say that, is it? I hope you enjoyed our holiday. People used to say that probably when they did those awful slideshows when they'd invite the family around and show their holiday pictures but no one really did enjoy that is there a modern equivalent of that which i guess would be making someone look at your facebook photo i've got a flick a slideshow if you're interested yeah

yeah but have you ever sat there with someone and said look at my holiday martin has yeah when we got back from honeymoon three and a half weeks about what four thousand photos two and a half thousand let's be realistic you destroyed some of our friends the best way to do it is i've got a wii and they'll do a slideshow with us an sd card okay do you just wave the wii wand to move it on to the next slide well what's funny about it is it plays this really chintzy japanese music over the top of it so that's quite amusing even if you're not finding the photos that entertaining well that is the ethos that the tractenberg family slideshow players yeah exactly that's right anyway one thing that was very, very, very exciting about our holiday. Do you remember that album, listeners, that we released just before we went on our break?

There was the special edition of Answer Me This all about the Queen's Jubilee. Do you possibly mean Answer Me This Jubilee, our special one-off one-hour album of exclusive new content? Do you mean the album that you guys made into the number one comedy album on UK iTunes for three weeks? Which was pretty amazing and we were quite excited. But when you analyse it, as bloody Matthew Crosby had to point out... Shut up, Matthew Crosby. There are ringtones in that chart. But what was really exciting and something we genuinely had never considered

is that because of a quirk of the way that iTunes categorises our hour-long spoken word album as music, we were actually eligible for the itunes uk album chart and bloody hell we made it in there to number 18 that's amazing number 18 in the chat we were above rihanna we were above kanye west rizzle kicks bruno mars florence and the machine all those kids one direction all pretenders to the throne unbelievable i should point out before people start saying, oh, you must be swimming in money because you're bigger than Kanye West. We were bigger than Kanye West's year-old album for one day in a specific territory.

And our album cost £2.49. So, you know, don't get ahead of yourselves. We're not going to be buying a sports car anytime soon. And some other people have been saying, oh, that's just asking us to pay for the podcast. Why would you do that? It's like, well, because we spend all this time making the podcast for no money and if you're listening to that thinking oh you poor penniless idiots there is a paypal donate button on our website but you can buy this album and

thank you to everyone who has and made us a number 18 album then you can go to our website answer me this podcast.com slash jubilee but unfortunately not all of you have had a very good time during our break for instance David in Brisbane has had a pretty shit time of it he says I've been in hospital having cancer removed from my bladder for two days I had a hose stuck up my

penis and gallons of fluid flossed through my system as you can imagine sleep never came just razor blades through my dick wow but thanks to your podcasts I managed to smile and even laugh. So thank you, Answer Me This, you helped me make it through a very long 48 hours. If there's one thing that makes it all mean something, it's that we can make a man with a hose up his penis for two days laugh.

It used to be my job to make a man with a hose up his penis laugh. That's true. Actually, it used to be your job to cure him of cancer, but... Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. But I like to do it with a humorous touch. They called you the Patch Adams of cancer. Did you have any tricks you used to do to make people smile in that situation?

Well, they were mostly under general anesthetics, so no. Tickle their feet. Well, all the best to you, Dave. And Helen, I hope your holiday was a bit better than that. Yeah, I like to think it was. It was better than being in hospital.

It was better than having anything up my urethra. Glad to hear it. That's going to be on the Thomas Cook brochure for next year. Even better than that. Yeah, I like to think it was. It was better than being in hospital. It was better than having anything up my urethra. Glad to hear it. That's going to be on the Thomas Cook version for next year. Even better than that! What were the highlights? We actually did two

very podcast-related things. One was we went for lunch at Apple in Cupertino. Yes! We went to Infinite Loop. We went to Infinite Loop. We just went round and round around the block.

Forever. What was it like being in Apple HQ? It was like being in a university campus round the block. Yeah. Forever. What was it like being in Apple HQ? It was like being in a university campus in Utopia. Everything was white. Yeah, like in the Bill and Ted movie. The grass was uncannily perfect. It was all like the uniform length, incredible green.

And you're allowed to walk on it. That's mad. And our other very podcast-y thing we did was we had brunch with Jesse Thorne of the Maximum Fun podcast. And was it Maximum Fun? It was he made us biscuits and gravy which I'd never had before but it was a very classic American dish And also I think a lot of listeners will find this weird. I know it was only for less than 24

hours but you did spend some time in Las Vegas. Yes! I imagine you went pole dancing and Martin you wasted 50k on black but then what did you do after that? I earned the money back through prostitution Actually we did you know what because it was a convenient waypoint between our previous appointment in utah and our destination in death valley right so it's a good place to stop for the night and actually you compared buffets didn't you that's what you basically did if you're staying

as we were in a hotel without a casino that's non-smoking you're just staying in a nice hotel and then you go and have a nice meal and you're sort of separated from the banality of it and then you go and look at some themed buildings and you think this is like thailand and then you go outside and you see all these people on street corners going girls in your room in 20 minutes yeah i'm gonna go back now and just watch television well we've got a question sort of about america uh our first question of the series it's from mitra from glasgow well i'm now an expert on america That's right, yeah, that's how it works. Throw it at me. And she says on American TV programmes, you always see people eating Chinese

takeaway from cool white containers, usually with chopsticks straight from the box. It's true. I know the one she means. It's also that thing of you see them come with their groceries in the brown paper bag under their arm. That thing. Those boxes are cool. They are cool. They're much cooler than what we have. The foil containers with the leaky lids.

This is what she's saying. They look amazing, and as a frequent consumer of Chinese food, if there was somewhere near me that used them instead of the usual dodgy Tupperware or the leaky tin foil with the lid, I would order from them every single time. So, Helen, answer me this.

Why on earth haven't UK takeaways caught on to this? Aesthetically, I don't know, and I assume they're more environmentally friendly because paper degrades a lot better than foil or polystyrene. Also flat pack, easier to store however, leaky I should expect if you've got very runny food. Yeah but presumably

there's other boxes inside the white boxes aren't there? No, no. You're kidding Yeah I've had it, I've had it in America It's amazing. Not on this trip though this is just a memory that I'm fishing out. Well done. I understand how that works, but thanks for explaining. I understand how memories work. So if you've got chicken and black bean sauce, and that's just dumped into a white box...

In the white box. What stops it leaking out the bottom? They're quite cleverly constructed. And in the American series, they're always eating noodles, which aren't the money. It's like a light stiff. money. Yeah, that's right. Like a light stiff it doesn't require that much fluid. But there is actually

a more substantial reason why these are largely combined to the USA and I believe the Canadians dabble as well. Okay. And this is because these boxes were originally

invented as oyster pails. So people would go and buy oysters they would be shucked out of the place because it's quite hard to shuck oysters and then they would take

the shucked oysters home in these boxes. First off, the 20th century, oysters were plentiful and pretty cheap, so people ate a lot of them. And then, because of overfishing, the oyster population suddenly dwindled. But they'd already manufactured

a shitload of the oyster pails. You're kidding. Now, this coincided with the post-war years in the States when takeaway foods and kind of ready meals and stuff were really popular. And Chinese food was particularly particularly popular it's very easy to heat up and it was quite exotic and stuff and so um they started using the boxes and i guess the reason why they haven't caught on elsewhere in the world because the chinese apparently don't really use them is because they're probably only manufactured in north america that's brilliant yeah that's a

bit like if i don don't know, Vietnamese food was suddenly getting popular in this country at the very same time Woolworths shut down and they started putting it in pick and mix bags. Yeah, or at the very same time

that people stopped sending airmail letters. Yeah. So they kept in blue envelopes with red borders. That's a good, good fact to kick off the series with, Helen. Yay!

Here's a question from Fiona from Golden in Colorado who says, recently one of my good friends got engaged okay and several exclamation marks so i think she's sincere when she says i'm very excited for both her and her future husband well that's rare isn't it usually our correspondents are like unfortunately he's a massive bellend i hate the only problem is that they're having a pirate wedding at the local Renaissance Festival. Oh, wow!

That's so cool. No, Martin, we cannot get remarried at the pirate festival. Normally, I'm very excited for weddings and generally have a great deal of fun at a Renaissance Festival, but the combination of the two is a wardrobe nightmare. Hold on, what's a Renaissance Festival? I've heard of Renaissance Fairs because they're in American sitcoms and stuff where everyone gets dressed up as Maid Marian and hijinks right it's basically what americans think british people yeah okay i've seen that parodied in the simpsons it's like robin hood prince of thieves but and

that's a widespread national trend well according to the tv programs that i watch that are all fictional yes amazing and they say renaissance not renaissance which is naturally how i'd say it but because this is a question from an american i I'm translating. So, if I dress like I'm going to a wedding, then I would feel silly at the Renaissance Festival. But if I dress like a pirate, I would feel silly attending a wedding. Not a pirate wedding, Charlie! That's what they want you to feel!

Why don't you go dressed as a boat? Or a Somali pirate, for the modern spin on it. It's not very festive, though, is it? He bought the AK. My boyfriend, who has agreed to be my plus one, is convinced we should dress like pirates, as it is the theme of the wedding. Yes. But I'm not sure this is

the wisest wardrobe choice. Well, it's not your wardrobe choice, so the wisdom is really palmed off on someone else. Do what it says on the invitation. I mean, if the invitation said white tie, you might not like it, but you would go and rent a white tie outfit, because that's what you've been invited to. when you accept the invitation you're saying yes

I will comply so Ollie answer me this should I dress like I'm going to a wedding or am I going to a renaissance festival you're going to both but you've been invited

to a pirate wedding this is very clear cut and maybe put a parrot on your shoulder it's what these people want just go along with it it means you don't have to wear a fascinator

if you really loved your friends you'd chop off one of your hands or pop a pet knife yeah get a wooden leg actually you did that you did that didn't you at a fancy dress party and you really loved your friends, you'd chop off one of your hands and pop a pet knife. Yeah, get a wooden leg. Actually, you did that, didn't you? At a fancy dress party, you said it was very uncomfortable. Well, yeah, because having bark stapled to your leg, you've got to be careful how you do it. Don't use staples.

Use fake rubber tree. Or just paint your shin with a lot of fake tan. In fact, you do that quite often, accidentally. You dress as a pirate. There weren't many female pirates around. So what does a woman do In a pirate costume Dress as a wench Dress as Keira Knightley in Pirates of the Caribbean

Right so you think Gina Davis cutthroat island Oh sexy pirate but actually In reality if you look at the history of it Most of the women that were on pirate ships Had to pretend to be men to get on And then if they were found out as being women on the ship They were probably killed And certainly the pirates that were shagging them were killed.

Okay, so she should go as a cabin boy in drag. Basically. Or, if you look at the history, as you've just been doing, Ollie, what kind of pirates were there in the Renaissance? Because I thought most ships then were full of people going to the Middle East to do crusades. Consult with your friends first and find out how they're going. Yes, if you all do it, it's not embarrassing.

If only half of you do it, awkward. See, well, no, I had this thing the other week where my girlfriend's friend, who I don't really know, was having, it wasn't even her, it was her friend, but they're in a group of friends, but you know, someone I'd never met, was having a birthday party. The birthday party was at the zoo bar in Leicester Square,

not an establishment I'd ever frequented before. And I was told through my girlfriend that, oh yeah, yeah, because it's at the zoo bar, we all go dressed as an animal. That's what you do when you go to the zoo bar so i was like okay fair enough i do have to come straight from doing a radio interview so i really don't want like a massive full-on bear outfit but you know let's go and see what we can get and we went to angels the costume shop and we spent we spent 65 pounds on costumes that really were like made in china shit anyway you go to the zoo and flay something?

So anyway, my girlfriend went as a sexy bumblebee. She was a sexy bumblebee. Well, because, you know, every time you see a bee, you think, oh, have a bit of that. Look at the arse on that. It's pretty pointy. Gonna get me some of that sweet honey. But no, she did look good because it was like... She's a fit girl.

The mini skirt, there's like a sort of, you know, the black and yellow booby tube thing. And then the stockings. Bees don't wear stockings. No, they don't. Your girlfriend doesn't even have six legs like a real of, you know, the black and yellow booby tube thing. And then the stockings. Bees don't wear stockings. No, they don't. Your girlfriend doesn't even have six legs like a real bee. Somehow it worked. And I was like, look, I want something I can slip on quickly.

Over what you're wearing, your work clothes. Don't want to be too hot. So what I got was a dog hat and dog gloves. So we get there at the zoo bar at Leicester Square, standing outside and all we can see is a lot of middle-aged Polish tourists wearing flip-flops and polo shirts well they come as occopy or something and i'm thinking okay this doesn't look like it's fancy dress but you know the bar's downstairs so maybe down there and guess what downstairs a lot of middle-aged polish tourists wearing polo shirts and flip flops

apart from this group of friends that my girlfriend knows who have all come as animals oh good and is the zoo bar very heavily animal themed? No. And I was kind of embarrassed because it's all right if you're a sexy bumblebee girl. Yeah, like your girlfriend is. But if you're a bloke, and you're wearing a dog hat in this club

where no one else is dressed in a fun way at all, I was thinking, oh, this could be really awkward. Oh, come on. Luckily, one of the other boyfriends had come wearing a full rat costume. Wow! Head to tail. Full on, like, Disneyland style. Luckily, one of the other boyfriends had come wearing a full rat costume. Head to tail. Full on, like, Disneyland style.

Padded arms, legs, whiskers. Oh my god, that is so warm! Tail. Yeah, tail. No idea to just dance next to him all night. So I think people thought I was a gay dog, but I was happy because at least... You're a dog that likes rats, you pervert. But the point is, I'm glad that I was dressed like the minority rather than the majority

because I was with the minority. Yes. So that's what you've got to consider. Hey, and you were the cool ones. Your girlfriend was dressed as a sexy bee rather than a Polish tourist, which wasn't the theme of the bar. I got a question. Email your question.

To answer me. This podcast at googlemail.com answer me this podcast at googlemail.com answer me this podcast at googlemail.com answer me this podcast at googlemail.com So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on

Today in History with The Retrospectors. 10 minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Time for a long email now from Robin, but bear with it, it is amusing. She says, my boyfriend and I have recently moved into our first house together in North Wales. Over the bank holiday weekend, we started to have a small problem within our quiet cul-de-sac. We were trying to use it as a through road, but couldn't. On Easter Friday, we had a knock on the door. Rat-a-tat-tat went Jesus Christ. We had a knock on the door and my boyfriend answered it

and was greeted by a gentleman who introduced himself as the man from number 11. He asked if we wanted our car washing. He charges three pounds and, quote, does all the cars on this road, end quote. Oh, really? He's got the monopoly, has he? Three pounds is a hell of a good deal.

Is it? That's cheap. Is that inside out of that? This doesn't specify Well let's dodge My boyfriend told him Very politely That we were fine

But if we did want Our car washing We would let him know That seems like The polite brush off That does yes That says yeah Saturday

He called again God Persistent Is he not British? Leave it for like At least two weeks I don't know the half of it Helen And said

As we were new on the road, he would only charge us two pounds. Because, of course, the price was the problem. It's just beyond our means. We just bought this house. Good move, Robin. We're paying water by rate. You know, they haggled without even knowing it. That's the best haggling at all.

Yeah, exactly. They're playing hardball. Because they really don't care, so they can get a great price. Yeah. It's a lesson there. Amazing. I don't really care about getting an iPadad so give me one for no pounds again my boyfriend told him we were fine and he went away but when the man from number 11 called for the third time

monday came and he called again my boyfriend answered the door and the man told him he would wash it for free has he got a fetish? This is weird, isn't it? He thinks you've got a sexy car and he wants to rub himself on it amid lather. Again, he was told we were fine. After a couple of hours, I heard a noise outside. I looked out of the kitchen window. The man was washing our car.

With the lather of his madness. I didn't know what to do. I'd imagine you would be quite out of ideas at this point. That is a weird... I can imagine why what you've done is construct an email to us because this is a situation

where even the police are not relevant, are they? The man's doing something helpful for free without being asked. Doesn't this happen at the beginning of Single White Female? Later on, there was another knock. I answered the door this time.

It was the man. Surprising. No one else in this cul-de-sac ever comes round to call. No, that's because they're too afraid to onboard their front doors. He said he'd washed my car, and what did I think? I said, thank you very much, it looked fine, but if we wanted him to do it again, we would ask him. Well, he's already proven that he does not understand or acknowledge that construction.

That's right. This level of repetition only ever occurs in very dark fairy tales, doesn't it? If you want it doing again, we'll ask him, said Rumpelstiltskin. Anyway, Robin says, the car wasn't fine. There was actually bird poo on it, but I wasn't going to tell him that. Well, he's not even good at it. Not even good. That's why he can't charge.

Yeah. I then said that I didn't have any money to pay him. He said this was fine and to pay him when I have it. Don't pay him. He said it was free. Yeah. He said it was free. Don't encourage him with money.

Are you crazy? Don't pay him. We've only been here a few weeks, she continues, and the only other car we've seen him do belongs to a vulnerable old man across the road. 50 quid and no one gets hurt. Exactly. do belongs to a vulnerable old man across the road 50 quid and no one gets hurt exactly do you think he just judges what everyone's price is and they were three quid he's not going to uh the six foot five tree surgeon is he at number six we don't know if the man from number 11 is sane or not i think i know yep but our next door neighbor says he is quote a bit dodgy really i

don't to be honest though he may be a little bit nuts, but he sounds like the savviest businessman I've ever had. He's just not letting go until you have a mafioso-style contract to only get your car washed through him every day. You say he's a good businessman, but how many times would he have to watch each car on that street to even make a living wage, Ollie? Three pence per watch.

I think he's got a sexual fetish that the car washing for discount prices is allowing. That's my theory. You think she's going to go outside one day and he'll just have his dick inside the petrol canister. Yeah, and if he's doing that, he wants it to be clean.

He called again today for the money, Robin continues. I said I didn't have it and he'd told my boyfriend he would do it for free anyway. He denied this. Of course he did. But left.

In the cold light of day, it was the most foolish offer he'd made. So, Helen, answer me this. Of course he did. But left. In the cold light of day, it was the most foolish offer he'd made. So, Helen, answer me this and help us. What should we do about this situation? Should we pay him the £3 and then tell him sternly we do not want him to wash our car again? Or should we just leave it until he breaks into our house to reap the money he's owed? What if he just starts raising it? He's like, if you don't pay me today it's gonna be ten thousand tomorrow i mean that's what gets

the guy into trouble in the film drive yes yes yeah it's that kind of thing money but also i think you need to be stern i think don't be welcoming just be like look we didn't ask you to wash our car i'm not paying you to wash our car and don't wash our car again and i think a little bit of hostility now will save a lot of hostility later yeah you're probably right but it does sound like he's the kind of guy that could then take a shit on your front drive, which you don't want when you've just moved into a neighbourhood. Hey, but he'll probably clean it up again, so it's funny.

I mean, the thing is, if he said, everybody else pays me £3 to wank through their letterbox and you go, no, it's fine, we don't need anyone to wank through our letterbox and then he knocks on the door and says, I just wanked through your letterbox. Yeah, then you'd call the police. You wouldn't say,

I'd better go and get my purse. Yeah. Being a considerate care in the community type, as I'm sure you are, Robin, maybe just invite him in for a cup of tea and a chat. No, no, no, no, no, no. Do not invite him in because then he'll see all sorts of things

that need to be watched. Are you crazy? Don't invite him in. Maybe he just needs a friend and maybe you could be a friend rather than a donor. Be a friend outside in public view where if anything weird happens, other people can step in and help you could be a friend rather than a donor. Be a friend outside in public view where if anything weird happens other people can step in and help you.

But don't invite him in your house and don't give him any money. You could invite him to your house when there's other people there. You could have a little house for him. That would just become a networking party for him to get other cars to watch. That's the danger.

If he's a bit lonely then he'll find other people that he can talk to as well as you. We don't know that he's lonely. We do know that he's really weird. I think there's also a business opportunity here if you're being very hard-headed about it. He is washing cars at a rate that no one has paid since the early 80s.

Now, you know that his door-to-door sales skills are persistent. I think what you should do is set yourself up as an agent. What you do is you print off some flyers for him you commercialize this business oh they're printing off the flyers you're never going to recoup that cost well you can do that very cheaply helen you give him some flyers and you say car washing eight pounds a pop and you get him to go around selling his services at eight pounds you get the commission everyone's happy you're turning his exploitation of you into exploitation of him that's also making him money that's also making you money that's exploiting only other people that you don't care about i think the only bit of that idea that

isn't terrible is the fact that by sending him off with these flies you're getting him out of your way for a protracted period of time yeah and maybe he'll find someone else's door that he likes knocking on more than yours but you are becoming a business partner with a madman why would you do that see your plan is very flawed. You could also ask your neighbours what they did to ward off his advances. That's true, because she said that the only other customer is the vulnerable old man across the road. Or, just start caking your car with the

kind of muck you think no human would be willing to go near for £3 or any pounds. But then you're destroying your car just because you don't want to say to someone, go away. Look, keep another car just round the corner that you actually use. So she should buy a second car. Burn out your car in front of him. Helen, Oliver, though life is full of questions, there are answers you must know.

One. No, it will not fall off, but moderation in all things too. Yes, there probably is, but we won't find out in our lifetimes. Three, most people prefer colliery, but my personal favorite is Dalton. Four, if you try and slip a one, it would ruin your friendship. Yes. Well, for the first time in this series, we invite you to call the following number. 0208 123 58 007

And leave a question on our question line which you can also reach by Skyping Answer Me This Hello, this is Peter from Aberton I'm just doing some washing Helen, Charlie, answer me this The washing powder tray has got a thing for pre-wash

What's that for? Does anyone use it? Do you use it? We're using it now to wreak free entertainment for the world. Have you missed this kind of quality content, listeners, whilst we've been gone? I'm doing some washing.

Watch the magic happen. I'm going to weave this into gold. Does it matter? Does it matter what this tray is used for? What's it for? I could have an extra four cubic inches in my kitchen to do something better with, like my putty four station. So long as your clothes are adequately gunked in liquid then it doesn't really matter which entry point they use does it but why is it got three entry points ones for detergent ones for conditioner yes what's the other one well it's for well the

pre-wash is adding a bit of extra before your main cycle so if your clothes are thoroughly disgusting yeah they've got a bit more washing time I think it's safe to assume Peter yours are and you can put in extra detergent to give them kind of two bites

at the cherry of getting clean or this kind of stain removal powder yes yeah because I'm pretty sure yes exactly

but I add my vanish to the main drawer which I think is what it tells you to do on the packet but maybe not everyone's got a pre-wash drawer like fancy pants Peter

maybe some people still have to do their washing one those ones where you load it in from the top and then just hope for the best. When I think about it... And who would want to? I've come to realise that about half the gadgets in my house, actually, I don't know, probably 60% of their function. Yeah, but that's because most of the gadgets in your house are completely pointless.

But even sensible things like my DVD recorder, that actually speaks a foreign language because it's been badly translated. It's LG, right? When you've recorded something, instead of saying, are you done? Or click to finish, it says,

do you want finalisation? Wow. Is that like ejaculation? Exactly. Would you like a happy finish? Would you like me to shoot you with a dart? And then the options, I think, are like apply or revert. And it's just like, I don't know what this means.

I can't possibly understand. But so long as I can get done what I need getting done, then it's fine. That's how I feel about computers. They've got all these functions that I don't need. Yeah, that you'll never need. It's like when my parents used to get really wound up that their computer had more things than Internet Explorer, Word, and a calculator on it. What's this?

Spreadsheets? I can make a table on it. What's this? Spreadsheets? I can make a table in Word! Old people get annoyed about that kind of thing because their mentality is that if there's extra stuff it must cost more. It's wearing out. Whereas actually, if you grow up in our generation where you can have unlimited emails and unlimited text, we know that it doesn't really matter.

Not my parents though, they still share an email account in case the emails run out. Yeah, well, don't want to trouble Google with all that server space, do they? IP addresses are running out though, aren't they? Yeah, but not from Helen's dad sending emails to Helen's brother. He's very verbose. He's got some very high-res JPEGs of his

sculptures on there. He's got some very high-res puns. Here's a question from Griff from Cardiff who says, Answer me this, Olliellie why are the shaver plugs for the bathroom shaped in a different way to normal ones surely water can still get in so what's the point of shaping it in a different way please answer the question it's been bugging me so much over the last few days see i thought that Cardiff had quite a lively scene. Obviously, the talking about plugs scene

has become dominant in recent months. It's big in Wales. The thing is, this plug may seem different to every other plug to you, Griff, because you're in Wales. But some of us do not see differences in appearance in plugs. All the plugs are the same to us.

Well, no, I wasn't going to say that. We are the world. us well no i wasn't gonna say that we are the world ebony and ivory three pin two pin helen english plugs are the same as the ones in cardiff obviously so i i also sympathize with this oh they'll be angry so uh listeners in other parts of the world who don't know british plugs have a kind of child safety third pin that goes in as well as the two bits at the bottom to be fair it's also adult safety indeed um and uh across the rest of europe they don't have that and that's the point uh it's only britain cyprus gibraltar ireland and malta in the whole of europe that have our plugs everyone else has the standard european two-pin correct correct the deal with the plugs on the shavers is that there's actually an EU regulation

that every shaver has that plug on it in the EU. And so we have special shaver plugs installed in bathrooms to cope with that. Whereas there aren't EU regulations about other types of plugs. So you can have one type in Europe and a different type in Britain. What made shavers so bloody special?

Because they get plugged into a bathroom and they're more likely to electrocute you. They've probably got lower voltages as well. Exactly. So they need to make sure they've got a certain type that will be compliant across the whole of the EU and be safe. Oh, God. Okay. Well, that was boring as a question about plugs was always going to be.

I didn't make it as boring as it could have been, Helen. I could have used the words isolating transformers, but I didn't. I tried to put it in layman's terms. Oh, no, I've picked Martin's interest. Oh, God. Okay. Yeah, fascinating, aren't we? Is that step up or step down?

Oh, step down every way. So I'm terribly sorry to the next correspondent, but I'm not entirely sure how to pronounce their name, but I think maybe it's Weetze from Hertfordshire, anyway. They say, some dumb person recently posted a fact on Facebook saying that Ludwig Muller, the founder of Hitler's Reich Church... Okay, that sounds funny already.

Made the Muller Yoghurt Company. That is quite funny. I researched it a little bit and it was even on the Muller Yoghurt website. So Ollie answered me this, can this be true? And if so, isn't that bad publicity if they're portraying it on their website? Okay, the clue is if you actually

read what it says on the Muller website. It says, When yoghurt- it says on the Muller website It says When yoghurt-loving Ludwig Muller First established his little Bavarian village dairy Back in 1896 He could scarcely have imagined the staggering success It would have become 1896

Would a man that was a farmer in 1896 Go on to become the head of the Nazi church Or would Ludwig Muller, the head of the Nazi church Born in 1892 developed enough in his first four years to become a successful dairy farmer it was a very easy cross-referencing exercise this yeah interesting though this business about you know if it was a nazi company can you buy from it now like you with hugo boss this is often an argument isn't it because they well they made the jackboots hugo boss personally designed the nazi jackboots they don't really tout that around now it's all perfume isn't it? They're a Nazi company. Well, they made the jackboots. Hugo Boss personally designed the Nazi jackboots. They don't really tout that around now.

It's all perfume, isn't it? But the company's very different now, isn't it? I don't know who they're owned by, but I imagine it's one of the big conglomerates that owns all the designer labels, and I presume they employ people of all sorts of different races and religions.

No, just blonde ones. So, is it still a Nazi? Like, I don't know. I've got Hugo Boss specs on. I did think about them when I bought, I thought... Don't tell your grandmother. Do I really?

Well, I did think about it. But then I thought don't tell your grandmother you're self-hating but i think well you see my grandfather drove a mercedes and he dealt with that in 1979 so it's like well you know what was uh what was mercedes uh well just that hitler used to ride around in one it's not mercedes's fault that hitler liked the cars well they were a german car make right the thing is though in any big brand there is going to be something terrible in the background it's just we might not always know about it as much as we know about nazi germany right well i'm not sure what there is in the background of muller yogurt but if you've got any dirt on them let us know they were the ones who crucified christ well that's enough for the first episode back you know we don't we don't want to tire ourselves out so early on in the series after all nor you with your delicate ears that haven't been used to listening to our incredible voices your poor brain so under stimulated during our absence but stimulate

them and make them formulate questions which of course you can send to us via all the contact details that are listed on our website answer me this podcast.com and that is where you can head to click through to buy the jubilee album as before mentioned please do that you will enjoy one hour of all new answer me This for just £2.49. And there's an extra Helen and Ollie treat for you all this week as well. Yeah, you wait three weeks and two podcasts come along at once because we are the guests on this week's ESC Insight podcast. That sounds academic.

What is it? Well, it is kind of for geeks, but for geeks that like Eurovision. So a very particular type of geek that's not necessarily the kind of geek that Martin likes. It's a show presented by podcast podfather Ewan Spence in which he talks to people about Eurovision entries and this week we're the guests. Yes. So if you'd like to hear our opinion

on whether you should vote for Norway or Cyprus, do click the link on our website. Well, you should because Ewan Spence is the man who got Olly Mann into podcasts in the first place way back in 2006. So we all owe him one. And I thought, what's he doing? Portable tape recorder?

Loser. Microphone? I could do that. And lo, you became him. And here we are. He has forgotten this. Anyway, and we will get another episode next week, so please come back for that.

Bye! Bye!