Answer Me This! - AMT215: Monks, LMFAO and Footballers' Hair

Episode Date: May 17, 2012

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Terms and conditions apply. Visit bmo.com slash theiporter to learn more. If I spend a billion pounds, will I win all the sports? Has to be this, has to be this. Why am I scared of being left alone with my thoughts? Has to be this, has to be this. Helen and Ollie, has to be this. We've had an email from a hairy woman. Yay! with my thoughts. We've had an email from a hairy woman. Yay!

Which one? Is it Patti Smith? It's not Patti Smith. It's Julie from Glasgow. Hello, Julie. You probably need the hair up there because it's very cold in Scotland. Thank you very much for being in touch because it's a brave thing to write in and say.

As a very dark-haired 30-year-old old woman i do have quite a bit of upper lip hair i'm aware it is more obvious if i stand in the sun well obviously you're never going to do that in glasgow are you or in brightly lit changing rooms i did try to bleach it when i was a teenager but quickly learned that bleaching a moustache when your hair is so dark is tragic as you end up with a white upper lip contrasting with very black hair. The alternative to bleach would be the waxing, but this requires quite a bit of maintenance and I'm not ready to spend £20 every few weeks to get it done. So I've decided to get on with it

and almost managed to convince myself that it's not that bad. Anyway, as Helen pointed out, this is a problem the world has created and I'm sure that in 50 years' time, men will find women with moustaches very attractive. Dare to dream. I mean, at that point, the apocalypse will have happened, so depilatories will be in short supply. And Julie will be 80,

and it's fine to have a moustache when you're 80. It's quite distinguished, actually. Yeah, roll on 2062. Yeah. But I think generally the trend recently, at least, has been going the opposite way i was reading an interview with um the british editor of vogue as in the editor of british vogue and she was saying i'm so glad that i was in my 20s in the 80s where no one cared if you waxed off all your pubes as in you didn't have to wax your pubes at all whereas now you know there's this body hair fat

but maybe twins will go in the opposite way and uh her suit look will be all the rage for ladies well you know it's gone as far as no pubes, hasn't it? So there's really no other direction it can go in once it's reached zero. As with all trends, like going from skinny jeans to those really baggy harem pants, it'll be from no pubes to wearing massive merkins. It might be our culture that vilifies female facial hair,

but it's not all cultures. We've had this email from Luke in Iraq. Oh yeah, we're big in Iraq. Who says, I lived in Ukraine for a couple of years and my Slavic girlfriend always maintained that women with hairy lips were prized as the extra testosterone meant they were,

quote, animal in the beds. Ah, I wonder if animal in the beds is like the Ukrainian version of Doctor in the House. It's the Ukrainian version of Muppet porn. Hi, it's Vicky and edinburgh and we would really like to know what hair products that uh footballers use on their hair because we're watching the fa cup final the other day and their hair looked absolutely spectacular and i was just wondering

if you could tell me how to you know recreate. Well, you know, footballers aren't actually a separate species of people. Borderline, though. Low intelligence, but physically very well developed. Yeah, I suppose in that way they're extreme, aren't they? I like the fact there are subspecies in footballers as well. So there's Joey Barton being the footballer that's all into art and violence. He's just... We don't know a lot about sportlessness, so we're not going to go on about it.

But you can imagine in any other profession, if in the course of a very high profile event, like let's say Prime Minister's Question Time, if Vince Cable stood up and went and headbutted the Speaker, they wouldn't say, oh, he should be suspended for a week. They'd say, no, he definitely shouldn't have his job. It's just expected that footballers are kind of thick enough that there's a level of violence that goes alongside being that stupid then give them less

money give them 50p a week they'll be happy okay look you can buy a tracker bar with this off you go don't give them like 50 million quid a year or whatever well it's interesting actually that we're talking about money in regards to this question because is it yes because the the the products that are publicized that's that soccer players use i should say that for our american business we're talking about soccer the american footballers have helmets on that's right yeah you can see what's on their hair they might have uh none you might see their hair when they take their helmet off in which case it's probably quite sweaty yeah that's right helmet hair is dreadful anyway are you saying they've

got sponsored hair but yes of course they have well you know that really if you think about it think about ginola advertising l'oreal and david beckham advertising brill cream like a different well that was that was a very 90s trend wasn't it hair adverts featuring footballers doing the swish yes point is the public domain information about the hair products that footballers use of course suggests that they use supermarket products because they're paid to endorse them but the truth is they probably use ones from paul mitchell or tony and guy or whatever because they're millionaires fancy and they can go to oh they spend 10 quid instead of six quid well i'm not well some of them probably use some special

elixir but i'm just saying you know if they go to a posh salon they're not going to give them head and shoulders well they're going to get free stuff they're going to get sent stuff all the time celebrities just get sent bags of stuff and toiletries figure highly in that brill cream that's that's the david beckham one isn it? Because he always looks like a bit of a greaser, no matter what style he's sporting. Although now he's got a quiff. I mean, I don't know how you maintain that. Chicken fat. I don't know whether these women really have the chutzpah that some footballers have. And you've got to want to be looked at in life with this hair. Well, I think the thing is, if you think about it, when they're actually playing football,

they're all wearing uniforms, aren't they? Which is if you think about it when they're actually playing football they're all wearing uniforms aren't they which is partly of course because they're part of a team but it's actually also partly to strip them of their individuality when they're playing as a team yes they're like soldiers yeah they kind of are though but they can't even do like this school uniform thing of making your tie ultra short or very long exactly i'm tucking your shirt all the which i think might be part of their i know they're hot and sweaty but i think it might be part of the reason why when they score a goal, sometimes in celebration, they rip their shirts off and sort of wail them around.

Partly it's sort of saying to the crowd, look what a man I am and stuff. Partly it's because they're hot. But actually, I do wonder if partly it's just because they want to be them at that point, not in the uniform. Yeah, but sometimes they lift their shirts over their heads,

thus obscuring their identities even more. I wonder, has anyone ever run into a goalpost? I'd love to see that footage. Like we said before stupid yes anyway i mean the uniform thing um the the only way they can express their personality actually is through you know wearing makeup which you know even post david bowie hasn't happened on a football field as far as it's difficult to keep it on during during the sweaty exercise absolutely but the hair it makes me think uh like at school boys weren't allowed things like hair gel and they

or mousse i remember like in the early 90s when my brother was at school and boys weren't allowed things like hair gel or mousse. I remember like in the early 90s when my brother was at school and boys had sort of puffy hair and there was a teacher that used to go around pressing his hand on their hair to see if he encountered too much resistance and therefore detected an unnatural product. Here's a question from Ed who says, in Sting and the police's love letter to illegal immigration, Englishman in New York, Sting expresses... Not quite what it's about.

Not quite. I think he's misunderstood it. It's I'm a legal alien, isn't it? I'm a legal alien. I actually always thought it was I'm a little alien. It's a song about Quentin Crisp. It's from the point of view of Alf. Anyway, Sting expresses in that song

his preference for his toast done on one side. Well, Quentin Crisp's preference for toast done on one side. I see, yes. So Helen answered me this. Were the English famous for having their bread only toasted on one side? And where did this come from?

I actually was wondering this very thing the other day because I've never had, I heard that song on the radio and I thought, actually, that's not a cliche that I know of Englishness. I've never had toast on one side ever.

That's because we were born in an era of toasters. Damn right. But previous generations weren't so lucky and they had to make toast on things like open fires on a fork so it was just the one side of it getting toasted and then i think quite a lot of people were into that so they just did toast on the grill rather than have a separate appliance which is now proliferated you're fighting the evolution of technology there aren't you well you're not because the technology

hasn't happened yet no no no but the people who once people started doing their toast on both sides said no no i just want it done on one side. I'm happy with it. I like the contrast of textures. It's like people who carry on buying newspapers in 20 years time where they might have to pay £10 a day because everyone else has got an electronic version. But they'll be like, no, no, I like a paper.

I like my paper. Even though they know that really society is clearly moving towards the double-sided toast. It's like people who now have lunch rather than a food pill. Apparently, though, you can get toasters that only do toast on one side but that's for when you're toasting something like a bagel yeah or you just bought one from argos and went for the cheaper brand i've got a question email your question to answer me this podcast at googlemail.com to answer me to this podcast at googlemail.com to answer me this podcast at googlemail.com so retrospectives what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History?

On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Well, that's our email address, which we've had since time immemorial.

Yes, and we're not going to change it to Gmail now that that's available in the UK. So stop asking. So we've got the jingle. We've got like 10 of them. That's right. And they're good, too. Having figured out that difficult scansion, it'd be a shame to waste it.

But we have a new feature to tell you about. Our classic episodes are now available on iTunes. Oh! Yeah, it's that exciting. Oh, I thought it was terrifying. I was doing a Justin Bieber fan type scream. That was the idea. Yeah, but it's actually quite blood curdling.

And no wonder Bieber won't talk to you anymore. New listeners may not have even realized this yet but uh we didn't start at episode 120 there was stuff previous to that that's right our old stuff's always been on sale through our website but now you can buy it on itunes as well for impulse purchases that's right and it's the same price as a song by jesse j so you think episodes per episode yeah so you could either have a load of this from 2008 or you could have a little bit about the price i actually saw jesse j perform live this week because i went to the sony awards and she was on i bet she was actually fine wasn't she i mean i'm not saying she's got a bad voice she's just

so incredibly annoying yeah there's so much that oh that's the exact noise that is very irritating maybe she had something caught in her throat maybe she'd eaten

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corporate dues does it I was like I can't stand I'm 70 years old I work for radio 3 couple of thousand people in black tie sitting and eating.

Their hands are staying on their cutlery, Jesse J. Otherwise they're going to drop crumbs all over their shoulders. That will show up on black tie.

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the show and our extravagant lifestyles for which we are very grateful to all of you who bought old episodes before. I don't have a very extravagant lifestyle. Well, you are wearing a very Hugh Hefner style dressing gown. That's from Primark. Yeah, exactly. Come on, listeners, help me fund my dressing gown habit.

You've already got three. There are not enough hooks for the dressing gown fund my hook habit. And if you've listened to all our old stuff before you don't want to buy it again fair enough there is a paypal donation on our website as well yeah hashtag just saying if the if the mood takes you hashtag inexplicably uh right well uh time for a question now about an artist that you can also buy on it. L-M-F-A-O. That wasn't funny at all. What wasn't? I see.

Yes, don't see what you've done. Very good. Meta. Nice. It's from Chris from Durham who says, I was viewing an interview with David Hasselhoff. In a lightbox. Yeah, at the BFI archive.

Is that on microfiche? Where the Hoff casually slipped into conversation that the band, LMFAO, famous for hits such as Sexy and I Know It, were the progeny of the founder of Motown. So, Helen, answer me this. Is this true? I'm sorry to say that, yes, it is.

One of them, Redfoo, whose real name is Stephen Kendall Gordy, is the son of Barry Gordy. That's brilliant. And the other one, Skyblue, a.k.a. Skylar Austin Gordy, is the nephew of Redfoo, therefore is the grandson of Barry Gordy. Just before the episode, we knew we'd talk about this, so we showed Martin the video of Sexy and I Know It. And honestly, there is a meme waiting to happen

in us filming Martin watching things. It's a bit like when grandmothers watch two girls one cup because it's just like completely passive face for the first minute and a half and then he literally laughed like this he he he he i've never had anyone actually laugh like that before he looked delighted yeah it was it was like when we went into a kid robot store and he saw all these like plus donuts with faces on that's what the look on his face was he Well, he was doing this dance where he was shaking what was meant to be his... I don't know what the phrase is. Ball booty?

Don't worry, Martin. 233 million people have seen the video. I think everyone but you knows what you're talking about. Jiggling his cock, yeah. Jiggling his business. And I was just watching it, trying to work out if it was a collection of ball bearings or maybe like a...

Why would it be ball bearings? Or a little water balloon. Why would it be water balloon or ball bearings, you lunatic? Well, that was a sort of dynamic movement that you get. I was surprised at Martin's reaction to this video because I thought, to Martin, sonic apocalypse. Yeah, it's very different to the kind of music that you make and listen to generally, but you concluded after watching it,

that was sweet. Well, it was like a sort of updated Rudoljankovic or Bloodhound Gang, which I think is quite... Yes, yeah, it is very much in that vein But it's a monstrous noise, I mean just when you think that Black-eyed peas have taken your ears to the worst places They can possibly go They make black-eyed peas look like Simon and Garfunkel

Don't say that because then Will.i.am will sample And you know what's going to happen I am just a poor boy though my story seldom Sold, sold, sell everything sold Oh god, I can hear it now You can basically judge the next single fan of these artists based on what Sesame Street would do. They're like educational songs.

Just because there's someone with a robot head, who I admire because he's the one who's going, yeah, I'm going to enjoy the lifestyle that being in LMFAO grants me, but no one knows who I am, which means I'm unscathed by this shit. Apparently he's a playwright, the guy who wears that cardboard hat yeah it is funny but okay barry gordy has eight kids by several different women so he probably thought at least one of these is going to be a musical bad apple so i reckon he's all right with it and also motown were very cynical i mean sure they produce some of the the most glorious music of the 20th century but they treated their artists like shit in most cases

i know but i mean you look at other musical dynasties like you know dion warwick and whitney houston and aretha franklin and then think the guy who actually founded motown gave birth to these guys these this pair of clowns i think it's quite a good name for a band lmfao one of their grandmas came up with it no she did yeah because they were going to be called sexy dudes. And they asked their grandma what she thought about it. And she went, laugh my frigging ass off. Really? Yeah.

Well, here's the extraordinary statistic. Apart from Barry Gordy's eight kids. Yeah. Party Rock Anthem is the 16th biggest selling song of the millennium. I'm going to kill myself. Isn't that amazing? Of the millennium. No, not really.

It's like the Birdie song, isn't it? It's just a novelty song that anyone can get into. There's nothing offensive in there or complicated. So any nationality, any age... There's nothing offensive about people chubbing their crotches in people's faces.

That happens every day. On the tube. Yeah, exactly. As all the people visiting London for the Olympics will find out. But the nature of this question, though, is that because they are related to Barry Gordy,

that somehow they should have a similar musical sensibility. Why? I mean, I don't know what kind of music my grandfather liked. Well, my uncle is NeoFunkyMan1 on YouTube. My mum's brother. He does club nights, doesn't he? He does, yeah. He does an R&B club night. Just your kind of thing. It's not really my kind of thing, but there you go.

There you go. Yeah, exactly. Same bloodline. You could team up with him you just haven't yet well i should do he's got 6.2 million video views on youtube yeah i mean it's just by reposting other people's songs from the 70s uh would you feel comfortable being in a video with your uncle where all you're wearing is a pair of glasses with no lenses in and a tiny little metallic pair of trunks i'd be more comfortable saving that for the uh the post christmas bin after the queen and top of the pops around about then before a shrek comes on i suppose no need to loosen your belt if you're not wearing any clothes exactly well now you put it that way and i've seen a background to the stories being told by that video it all

being them having a bit of post-prandial exercise after a heavy Christmas meal, I've started to like them a bit more. Answer me this. 1066 was the Norman invasion. 1818 was the publication of persuasion. Wasn't it? I love that book. They all wear bonnets. I got my own with a pretty flower on it. Don't I? But they all wear bonnets. I got my own with a pretty flower on it. Donut!

I'm worried, though. I think it makes me look a little bit effeminate. Right, time to take a question from our phone line, the number for which is... 0208 123 58 007 Or you can Skype answer me this. So please do that, especially if you're abroad. Yeah, it's cheaper that way, isn't it?

Oh, it's free. Free service. We're Beconomics, that. Wonderful. And let's see who's called us this week. I think Ellen Olly answered me this. Is it wrong for my friend to go out with his ex's good friend three weeks after they broke up.

Because he doesn't think it is, but I think she has at least the right to be angry with him. She's going to be angry whoever he goes out with because people hate seeing their ex get together with someone new. Yeah, but it is something special, isn't it, to go out with one of your best friends? I mean, let's take it on to another league. Even if you don't think it's wrong, it is controversial.

Insensitive. Yes, it's not making an easy life for anybody concerned. The thing is, I do think it depends how old you are, or more specifically, actually, how young you are. You sound quite young. You sound like you're 18 or 19 or 20. Yeah, when you're our age,

it'd be frowned upon because probably it's a mutual friend that you've had for years. You've been on little weekend breaks together. Yeah, but actually the hypocritical thing is when you're our age, it's more likely that it's been secretly carrying on for six months anyway little weekend breaks together. Yeah, but actually the hypocritical thing is when you're our age, it's more likely that it's been secretly carrying on for six months anyway when you were together.

Martin, Ollie and I have something to tell you. Not really. Gross. When you were definitely not. When you were... Please, never. Not even if someone held a spear to our heads. What if I can't even wash my hands? Wash your brain.

When you were 19, 19 though it's quite normal isn't it to break up with someone and then really within weeks you're you're absolutely back on the market now you recover a lot quicker yeah when you're younger ideally if i split up with my long-term girlfriend heaven for fend because no one else needs to put up with you that's right i think i would kind of not enjoy not revel in but sort of just want to have the heartbreak bit and I'd want to come to terms with it and all that I'd want the recalibration time I suppose is what I'm saying you would need to establish who you were as a person alone rather than as part of a duo that's right Dr Bruce I would where do you end and where does she begin whereas I think maybe

when I was a bit younger I would have have, you know... You'd appreciate the opportunity to bounce from one to another. Indeed, exactly. Well, here's another question about new relationships that are not necessarily running that smoothly. It's from Scott from Sydney, who says,

my friend John is in a new relationship. Congratulations, Scott's friend John. He is 45 or so, but still pretty fit. Scott wouldn't mind a crack. She is 31 and a Pilates instructor. 45 or so, but still pretty fit. Scott wouldn't mind a crack. She is 31 and a Pilates instructor. However,

neither of these facts matter much, says Scott. Well, it's an insight, isn't it? Yes, that's true. It's good to have background. John tells me that the first weekend they got together, they shagged about half a dozen times. Great results! There they are. That's Viagra for you when you're 45. Stop it! Unfortunately, since then, the rampant sexual activity has waned,

with the frequency reducing every week. So two months into this new relationship with his nubile younger woman, John is aghast that the shagging is now down to only once a week and the decelerating trend looks to be continuing on the sexual graph he keeps on the back of the bedroom door. So Wally answers me this. How does John bring this up sensitively with his new lass? He really

wants the relationship to continue, but feels that the difference in their sex drives may pose a genuine issue for them. This is weird, isn't it? After two months, this is a question that people ask after several years in problem pages. Well, yes, and it's also weird that Scott, as we might call him in inverted commas, seems

to know so much about John, as we might call him in inverted commas, seems to know so much about John, as we might call him in inverted commas. Well, John could be a blabbermouth. I think John's telling you either far too much as a friend, or, Scott, you know a little bit too much about John's inner workings of his mind. I wonder whether this woman's profession actually is important, unlike what

Scott said, because maybe she's just physically tired out from the rakers of her job. After a day of teaching Pilates, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Also also the thing is the couple average when they do surveys of this kind i know people aren't always honest so but they're probably honest in both directions if you know what i mean okay so the average probably works out reasonably right yeah it is sort of once or twice a week in a couple so therefore really isn't it the case that it was unusual to be shagging six times in a weekend when you first met? You know, that's what people do when they first meet

because the pheromones are bouncing around. But actually, really, weren't you just having six weeks of shagging in a weekend? No, but they've only just got together and two months in, you wouldn't expect it. You wouldn't expect it to have gone down to once a week yet. Maybe you're approaching her at the wrong times of day. Maybe she's a morning person and you're an evening person, John. Maybe he's just not that great and she's not that enthusiastic about it an evening person john maybe he's just not that great

and she's not that enthusiastic about it well or maybe he's just not putting in the effort i mean that's the other thing you know maybe when they first started going out and he was excited that despite being the the grand old age of 45 he'd managed to pull a 31 year old pilates instructor maybe you know then he's pretty fit yeah i'm sure maybe uh he was putting in a bit more effort and now what we're seeing is symptomatic in the fact that he just expects sex on tap without putting the romance in. Yeah, that's possible. But again, two months in,

they ought to be still quite romancy. There's this relationship on a fast track. So in eight months' time, they'll be sitting on a porch under Crote blankets, like, helping each other take their arthritis medicine. Possible. They're just not that sexually compatible. Yeah.

And after the initial flush of lust... Experimentation. It's settling down too quickly, and it's because they're not that well suited. Yeah, break up. There's no other way. But that's the classic joke, isn't it, in Annie Hall,

when they're having the split-screen therapy and they're both seeing the therapist, and the therapist says to Diane Keaton, how much do you have sex? And she says, all the time, twice a week. And then they say to Woody Allen, how often do you have sex and she says all the time twice a week and then they say to a dylan health and you have sex he says never at all only about twice a week kind of like in a way maybe there's just a male male female split going on here and maybe maybe she's only happier once a week and maybe you just need to accept that uh well here's a question from someone who's thinking about giving up on sex entirely it's probably

easier uh it probably is, because it's no surprise that whilst our last correspondent was in Australia, this man is from North Hertfordshire. It's Hugh. What? What's that got to do with it? It's not the most... Sexy place?

Yeah, it's a little bit frigid, North Hertfordshire. I was convinced it was going to be from your girlfriend. I've just pointed... She is from North Hertfordshire. It's from... You've said too much. It's from Hugh, who says, I've been going through a period of imposed celibacy recently

due to my wife and I separating. Very sorry to hear that. Yes. But that got me thinking about priests and monks and the like and their vow of celibacy. So Helen, answer me this. Is there an actual vow? Yeah, there are loads of vows

because there are monks and priests in many different religions and the vows do vary, but the essential tenets seem to be celibacy, obedience and poverty. And all of those are with the common aim, I suppose, of forsaking earthly possessions and earthly concerns and fleshly desires so that you can devote yourself entirely to God and almost sublimate the physical element by simplifying it as much as possible and concerning yourself with it as little as possible i was interested to read though that tibetan monks have to make uh 253 vows uh which includes that they're not allowed to climb a tree above a man's height they're not allowed to tickle another monk they're not allowed to play in water they're not allowed to try and scare the other monks some of these vows have definitely come about Through experience haven't they

These aren't ones that you'd planned Clearly like one time the Dalai Lama jumped out and went boom Well Hugh from North Hertfordshire Does have one further question on this matter He says I know that the vow of chastity Is supposed to stop them fornicating with other people But does it also stop them self-pleasuring Yes it's a vow of chastity yes They're not supposed to commit sins of the flesh and self-pleasuring would be a sin

of the flesh it's difficult though isn't it like if you if you completely refrain from touching yourself or or anyone else touching you you'd probably get a boner just walking down the street you're not if you're a monk and you're wearing a big brown dress you're a young monk if you're like a 20 year old monk yeah but the thing is if you're a 20 year old monk you probably spent a 20-year-old monk. Yeah, but the thing is, if you're a 20-year-old monk, you probably spent several years in seminaries beforehand preparing for it. Your sex drive

will have been destroyed when you're a teenager. Maybe. It's just not for you, Ollie. No. Let's just face it. It's not for you. Which is a shame

because I did one of those job opportunity tests at the job centre and it was number one. People always ask one what one does for fun. Well, one enjoys watching Gawk One and A Fish Called Wonder. One is also partial to One Direction and The Wanted and the short-lived Billy Corgan Bands One.

The Answer Me This Jubilee. One hour of Her Majesty's pleasure. Available now on iTunes. Here's a question from Nick from Colorado, who says, I found on the internet a photo of a lady putting an erect elephant penis into herself. Ollie, answer me this, please. Could people who participate in bestiality be arrested? Yes. Of course they could. Answer me this please Could people who participate in bestiality be arrested? Yes

Of course they could In UK law I'm pleased to say Is one of the most specific in the world on this matter Oh good It actually says specifically That the penetration of a human being by the penis of an animal is prohibited And the penetration of an animal by a human's penis is prohibited Right

It's covered both bases that most people's imaginations would stretch to what about the richard gear thing of a whole hamster up the bum i suppose the hamster's got the penis on it so lawyers if you're listening she was referring to richard gear purely in popular mythology exactly yeah the richard gear problem yes uh what about it yeah that would definitely be wrong but that it's not a penis i appreciate it's a whole animal you see it could be a female hamster with no penis well the thing is i mean there are some vagaries around this um having said that it became a specific offense here's a shocking fact guess when it became a specific offense oh probably 1990 or something 1994 oh man that's the year i got bar mitzvahed your bar

mitzvah party really brought in a lot of legislation didn't they i told my parents they shouldn't have gone with the london zoo theme but in colorado the laws could be different yes well in the us it's all done under animal cruelty legislation so they don't actually of course it's different state by state but they don't actually have bestiality laws generally they just do it all under animal cruelty but there is then the complication that the judge or the jury actually have to conclude that the animal didn't enjoy it. Yeah. Which is problematic because you weren't there. But then how can you prove that the animal did enjoy it? Well, exactly.

And I don't think anyone has made that argument. It's an embarrassing argument to stand up and make in a court. Yeah, well, and also it's kind of like, for example, I mean, people wank off animals for breeding, don't they, all the time? So in that scenario, where apparently the human being isn't taking pleasure from it, is that animal abuse? But there are some countries where you're allowed to marry animals, and therefore I'd assume the marriage contains sexual contact.

But they're probably countries where they treat women like animals that are not capable of acquiescing or disagreeing. Well, I'm pleased to say that the Jews have always been against it, Helen. A cursed is one who lies with any animal and the entire people shall say, Amen. I can't imagine the entire people would really feel very comfortable discussing that 3,000 years ago.

Well, it would put you off having sex with anything if there was the entirety of the people standing around you going, amen, amen. I just imagine they'd all be staring at the floor awkwardly to say amen. Well, that's it for Answer Me This this week.

I think it's probably best we end it now. Yeah, being quite smarty this episode. But listeners, please send us questions for next week's episode and you can find our Skype and email address and telephone number on our website AnswerMeThisPodcast.com

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