Answer Me This! - AMT223: Cain and Abel, Curry Houses, and that bitch Tinkerbell

Episode Date: July 12, 2012

Cain and Abel, Curry Houses, and that bitch Tinkerbell Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When will Derek Chisora learn some manners? Answer me this, answer me this Can you make your lips thinner than Kenneth Branagh's? Answer me this, answer me this Helen and Ollie, answer me this We open the episode in a bath full of shame because a gap in our knowledge has been discovered Outrageous

by a listener called Lorelei, who says, I was just listening to podcast 2-2-2 and was dismayed that your exhaustive Battersea Power Station research didn't unearth the fact that Def Leppard filmed a video there. That's right, the video to Rock of Ages. It's very presumptuous of her, isn't it, to presume that the research didn't unearth that fact rather than I may have chosen not to mention that fact

because it's not that interesting. All in the editing. Lorelei quotes the lead singer of Def Leppard, Joe Elliott, who said, we got on well with Duran, as in Duran Duran, but they're on first name terms. But we were jealous of them because they shot videos on yachts with beautiful

suits and women covered in war paint. We did ours in Battersea Power Station and our women were caged that's a good quote if you filmed a video now at Battersea Power Station you would definitely play up the fact that it was at Battersea Power Station wouldn't you there's nothing in that video to suggest that it's in Battersea Power Station it could just be in a studio they're using it as a studio space effectively I suppose that was all it was good for in the 80s but what you do now with the roof off is at the end you'd have one of those helicopter shots when you're to reveal that the band all along had been in battersea that's an

expensive shot though unless you can just buy it from the people that shoot the apprentice helicopter shots of london one just computer generate death leopard i think they were diana's favorite band i weirdly have a flashback to Andy Crane in the broom cupboard saying that Princess Diana's favourite band was Def Leppard. That was probably like the time in the early noughties

where everyone said oh yeah my favourite band is Coldplay because that was just the band Just the thing you say. It was the acceptable band to have as your favourite band. Who is that band now?

Because it was Arctic Monkeys Yes. But now if David Cameron was asked now who would probably Adele. Yes. Wouldn't say band at all

would you say Adele? Adele's the new Def Leppard, who knew? Well, here's a question from Lee from Boreham Wood, where as a child, I went to see Top of the Pops being filmed numerous times. Wow. Yep, live in the dream. He says, I am 16 and compiling my CV for a summer job to get some money. Summer jobs happen so fast.

When I was 10, I got a blue Peter badge. Good for you, Lee. Which I personally feel is somewhat noteworthy. Hell yes. However, my dad thinks it will just make me seem immature and therefore less employable. Are you applying to be the head of Barclays? So Helen, answer me this. Should I put it on my CV or not?

P.S. I got it for starring in a school play as Doctor Who, if this helps you in any way. Oh, well, then it does because then you could list amongst your extracurriculars the fact that you do drama and you could note

that your dramatic abilities had been rewarded in this way with a Blue Peter badge. Don't lead with the Blue Peter badge, though. Yeah, I just wouldn't mention it in the top half of the CV. On the A4, you put it in the bottom half. Maybe under awards and qualifications.

Yes, that's a good idea. Bullet point. Blue Peter badge. For drama. Yeah, okay. So yeah, that makes it sound more official somehow. But would you actually pay attention to anything else you'd done at 10? Well, but this is the issue of CVs generally, isn't it?

And when you're 16, it's not very fair because you haven't got 10 years worth of shattered dreams to put on your cv exactly what do you put on a cv when you're 16 that is always the tough one you basically have to lie don't you four years at deloitte good good good phone manner i'll tell you what the 16 year old helen zaltzman would have definitely done correctly on her cv she would have put curriculum vitae and she'd have spelt it correctly yeah i had i had that and spelt it incorrectly for ages. It pointed out to me when I was about 20. V-I-T-A-E. No, not that bit, the curriculum bit. That's like the other day when you asked me

how to spell encyclopedia because you were doing a tweet and it wasn't auto-correcting it properly and so I spelt it out for you but then you spelt Britannica wrong anyway. I don't really remember having a CV when I was that age. Because it's going to be empty there's no point. Well, if you're being fast-tracked at Tiggies Stainless Fasteners,

you don't need a CV. Your CV is basically no criminal convictions. Do you think that alluding to Blue Peter for employers is a turn-off, even if you do need to pad a CV? No. I think, well, it depends what the job is, but I think certainly if I was employing a 16-year-old, I'd find it highly amusing and interesting that they'd been awarded a Blue Peter badge. badge and probably if you get through to interview stage the employer is probably

looking for angles and things to ask you about because really they just want to suss whether you're a decent kind of person however if it is just a shelf stacking job then all they want to know is that you're not going to go mad with boredom yes i still yeah but they're not going to discount you because you do you think think, oh, he's overqualified, he's got a blue-beard badge? Hello, it's Ben from Ipswich. Helen and Ollie answered me this. My son and I had a bit of a to-do the other day

about the way I eat crisps. When I get to the end of a bag of crisps, we're almost at the end, I tip up the bag and I eat what I refer to as drink the crumbs. And apparently my 11-year-old son considers this terribly rude. And I should pour the crisps into my hand and then sort of pour my hand into my mouth or do some such like that. I've always eaten crisps by drinking the remnants at the end of the bag.

I don't consider myself to be particularly rude. But Helen and Ollie answer me this. Is that rude? Is that the correct way to finish off a bag of crisps it astonishes me listeners the things that you allow to come between you and the people who are most close to you in life we get spouses writing to us saying who is right do we keep the washing machine door open or shut do you keep the eggs in the fridge or out the fridge none of this is worth the r rifts. That's right, the children of the future, Ben. You know, I mean, if you have to come to some kind of reconciliation, just do it. Why would your son think that eating crisps out the palm of your own hand

is any more dignified than just tipping a bag into your mouth? The thing is, crisps, they're an informal foodstuff anyway, aren't they? That's right. If you can't eat it with a knife and fork, then a bit of play is allowed. It's like people complaining if you put your tongue through the center of an onion ring i mean yes that may not be good etiquette but it's a deep fried onion in the shape of a ring it doesn't matter how you eat that said ben at the end of the day uh i imagine you're paying for the crisps in this scenario so you can eat it however you put the food on your table you can choose to eat the food off that table or way off that table,

shoved down your face like a massive pig, however you like. Are there any families listening that do eat out of troughs? Just because they fancy it. I've never seen that done, even in the most slovenly depictions of American families. I've never seen them actually having TV dinners to the point where it's actually a communal trough.

I'm sure that there is a theme restaurant where that happens. That would be quite good actually no no not if you actually had to no not if you actually had to put your face in it no but if but if it was themed around a farmyard and you had a trough in front of you with a knife and fork my answer still no stainless steel yeah actually clean away from from the trough theme yes it is it's trough symbolism helen in the same way that the rainforest cafe isn't actually in brazil i do think though if you are quaffing back crisps uh you do have to give some regard to the shape of the crisp well i think he's talking splinters well yes but even a semi-fragmented shard of a knickknack could do some damage if it went down

at the wrong angle that's all i'm saying or into the eye exactly so ben's son is actually possibly more safety conscious than ben even though ben is supposed to be the responsible adult. Here's a question from Paul who says, I have one of those jobs that often requires a commute by plane. He's an international terrorist. He's a pilot. Right. So Ollie, answer me this.

Why is it that you only ever see people order a Bloody Mary on a plane? Because you're only ever on a plane, Paul. That must be the only reasonable explanation. What's he on about? Wherever you go, people are ordering Bloody Mary on a plane. Because you're only ever on a plane, Paul. That must be the only reasonable explanation. What's he on about? Wherever you go people are ordering Bloody Marys. Here are things that you only see on a plane. High Life magazine. Tiny little packets of pretzels with only three pretzels in.

Complementary socks. Those toilets that go whoosh. Yeah, and suck your arse off when you flush. That you only see on a plane. Bloody Mary absolutely everywhere. I suppose that a lot of people might have a Bloody Mary on a plane When they wouldn't on the ground Because it's quite a strong flavour So it overcomes the deadening of the senses caused by the aeroplane

It's also a long cocktail I think if you were to have like a martini or something In one of those like plastic beakers Assuming you're not in first class Oh flight attendant I'm sorry I asked you just to show it the vermouth. If you've got a question, email your question to answer me, there's podcast at googlemail.com

Answer me, there's podcast at googlemail.com So, retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. A question from John now who says, my girlfriend is returning from holiday in a couple of weeks

and I'm going to surprise her at the airport when she gets back. With a massive machete. By introducing her to my new wife. We've been together for over two years, so I'm pretty sure that this is going to be a good surprise. It's meant to be a good surprise if you've been going out for a month. I think it's a better surprise if you've been going out for a month because after two years she's probably half expecting you to be there, John. Isn't that the when Harry met Sally thing? You never pick me up from the airport anymore. That's what happens if you start

picking someone up from the airport when your relationship is fresh. Then it's just a matter of complaint when the relationship's gone downhill. I never expect anyone to pick me up from the airport. There's a lot of time out there a day. My girlfriend works. You know what I expect to pick me up from the airport? The minicab that I prepaid for. Yeah, well that's very... That was two years ago. I'm still angry. Uh, anyway, Helen

answer me this. Do you have any ideas how I should do this or what I should do? Definitely go to the correct airport and the correct terminal. If she's coming back from a very far-flung place I think you could bring along some things that she may have missed on her holiday. I mean when I arrive I always want a coffee,

a British newspaper, maybe some Percy Pigs from the M&S Simply Food. Okay, but not things like a full meal that you've cooked that you then have to eat standing in the arrivals. Her cat. No. Stuff, home comforts that she may have missed that are available in the airport

that she might, you know, be choosing to buy anyway, but they can be there waiting for her when she arrives. A balloon is always nice, isn't it? A balloon? Yeah. No. Yes, it is. Because then you've got to travel with it

and she's probably already got stuff she has to carry. No balloons, no. Just make sure you get there early because a few weeks ago I thought I'll surprise Martin when he gets back from a trip to Leipzig I'll turn up at Gatwick I got there about five minutes after he'd left Because he bloody got through early

I appreciated the gesture Did you? You appreciated the fail gesture? Yeah, no, I thought that was still very romantic Maybe more so because it was a bit pathetic I genuinely do not see the romance And I'm not criticising you because other people see it I just don't see what the big deal is the thing is though

if the other person sees it that's when you should do it not if you yourself see it yes yeah yeah yeah there's no romance if you just want to travel home maybe listen to some podcasts have a read

eat your Percy pigs yeah the other thing you can do is you can get those announcements on the screen yeah you know that my friend Che when we came back from our gap year in Africa his parents had done that for him.

Oh, that's sweet. What did they say? Welcome home, Ollie and Che. Although, this is a bit sad, his grandmother died whilst we were away and they hadn't wanted to tell him because they hadn't want to ruin our gap year. I didn't know, of course, but looking back on it, I realised that the whole car journey home, they were just waiting for me to fuck off

so that they could tell their son that his grandmother had died. Yeah, yeah. But actually, I think that's probably the right decision because it would have ruined his gap period. He probably would have felt obliged to come home

and they didn't really want him to do that because she'd already died suddenly. Didn't put that on the message board, obviously. Welcome home,

your nan's dead. Although that would have got the message out there, wouldn't it? Would have done it in a very swift way. Very direct. And in the time

between baggage and the arrivals, he might have had time to deal with it. I think that's the mourning period. No, again, I think they made the right And in the time between baggage and the arrivals, he might have had... Time to deal with it. Yeah. I think that's a mourning period. No, again, I think they made the right decision in the long run. My mum had a car accident two weeks after we got back from honeymoon

and she kept saying things like, it's so lucky that it didn't happen while you were away because of course we wouldn't have been able to tell you. What if I died? It would have been so awkward. Yes. Wouldn't have wanted to spoil your holiday. How terribly awkward that would have been.

Well, actually, that is exactly what happened to the Queen isn't it I don't think she was on honeymoon but she was on holiday wasn't she In Kenya on a safari when her dad died And she only found out because he was the King News got out Yeah but news didn't get out for about 24 hours I think And of course with her the news wasn't just that her father had died But that she's going to be the Queen

That's tough when you're on holiday Yeah because you don't want to have to come back and be plumbed straight into work. No. Although that happened as well when we were on honeymoon. Martin came back and immediately started a new job. Martin Orswik, queen of physics.

Yo, yo, one love. The best thing about tennis is the women's tennis. A women's tennis. Hearing those ladies all going makes me go in my pants. New balls, please.

There you are, our tribute to Wimbledon there. That incredible piece of music that you just heard, listeners, was by way of an advertisement for the Answer Me This Sports Day long player, which is out now on iTunes and the various Amazons of the world if you would like to seek it out and hear us talking about our most beloved of subjects sport that's right well enough of you have bought it to make it the UK's number one comedy album so big big thanks for that if you would like to buy it

or find out more head to our website specifically the page at answer me this podcast.com sports day and the album is full of questions about sport but here is a question of sport that is not on the album it's from matt from coventry who says when the olympic game started all of the athletes competed for pride and not prizes or fame i bet they did slightly compete for fame you can't take that out of it can you look mum, I won. Aren't you proud? Have you got your picture on a vase? No? Don't care. But Ollie Answer Me This says, Matt, which was the first Olympics to give out gold, silver and bronze medals? 1904.

Great year for medals, wasn't it? Because at the ancient Olympics, there was only one winner per event. They didn't do the 3-2-1 thing. Right. And the winner was crowned with a wreath made of wild olive leaves. Oh, that sounds nice, but not very enduring. Exactly. You can't go and give a lecture at Deutsche Bank

40 years later and pass around rotting olive leaves with creatures living in it. Well, actually you probably could, but everyone would think you're just being delightfully eccentric. Or making some kind of metaphor for the banking crisis. It's rotten! Then at the inaugural modern olympics in 1896 they recognized that uh there should be runner-up prizes wow so it took millennia

to come up with the one to three configuration well yeah but you know not there hadn't been olympics in the period in between um so there interestingly the winner got silver not gold wow and bronze was given to the runner-up and then gold to the other runner-up no there was no gold at all yeah because it was too expensive to squander on a medal maybe i think it just took them a while to come around to the idea that gold silver and bronze would be a clever way to doing it because then four years later in 1900 where you'd think okay that's the year that's the year they must have worked it out no that year they did cups and then i think exactly i think the reaction to the cups generally was and so wear a cup exactly so 1904 was the first time you got gold, silver and bronze

Obviously the most valuable is the gold Then the silver, then the bronze There is another reason though And I don't know what I think about this But I'm not classically educated so I'll run it by you And you tell me The metals designate, it says here on the web The first three ages of man in Greek mythology

Oh god The golden age when men lived amongst the gods. The silver age where youth lasted a hundred years. Dream on. I can't imagine which of those I'd rather, living amongst gods or being young for a hundred years. Well, the gods were vile.

If you were young for a hundred years, they would probably make sure, because they're such arseholes, the Greek gods. They'd make sure you were at that stage of youth where your voice wasn't properly broken and your skin was terrible and no one wanted to have sex with you. That's what they would do. And the Bronze Age, the era of heroes.

Eh? Yeah. Here's an email about something totally different now from Charlie in Leighton Buzzard. And it's about the beginning of time. Great. He says, or she says, Charlie, don't know. In the beginning, there was adam and eve well

according to sources yes uh they had two sons cain and abel so it goes yeah helen answer me this how did cain and abel have babies if they were the only two people on the planet they weren't the only people on the planet first of all adam and Adam and Eve were there. And I'm sorry to say it, but the Bible is a very dirty book. Cain and Abel and Seth are the only ones of Adam and Eve's children who are actually named in the Bible. But Genesis chapter 5, verse 4 says they had other sons and daughters. Oh, does it? Okay. So it's only bothered about Cain and Abel,

the first murderer and murder victim. Seth, from whom Noah has descended, and then just the random others. So you can just take a guess that, you know, they just married one of their sisters. It's just focused on the stories that we're going to be interested in in future episodes, basically. Apparently, and again, it's myth because the Bible is a work of fiction, Adam lived for 930 years. Had a very healthy diet, remember, everything fresh, fresh, local, organic. Some dried dinosaur meat that he found. Like jerky.

So he had plenty of time to dip his wick into many generations once they'd started. Oh, I see. So there was a bit of a mix. So it would have widened the gene pool a bit. Hardly. It's all variations on a theme though, isn't it? And it's a murky, disgusting, atonal theme. That's not widening the gene pool if he's basically

fucking his grandchildren. It's varying the gene pool if he's basically fucking his grandchildren and great-great-grandchildren. It's varying the genetic faults. No. Maybe Adam and Eve, like they lived a lot longer than the average adult today, maybe they had a superlative number of genes rather than the same number that we have. Look at his children and how we've developed all the different colours and

shapes and sizes, Helen. Amazing. Obviously you had a lot of different sperm in there. But what's the alternative? I mean, I'm completely baffled by speciation, but wasn't the first human being basically having sex with monkeys? Yes. But then they would have been not that far from a monkey themselves. Exactly. Of course, that made the point.

Exactly. They were slightly more developed, and that took thousands of years, so then that's fine. Millions of years, yeah. I mean, you look around, I think we all know people who are in relationships who are basically having sex with monkeys, don't we? Why are you looking at Helen? We all know people who are in relationships who are basically having sex with monkeys don't we why are you looking at helen we all we all know people who we think you know maybe

they're more developed in certain different ways than their partner maybe they've settled sometimes exactly sometimes people are more attracted to someone who in some ways maybe is inferior to them but actually for all we know in other ways isn't also in the garden of eden yeah how did they pray because religion hadn't been invented yet because they're in it. Well, everything they did in some way was either an act of worship to God or very naughty disobedience. But how do you worship God if there's no book? You know, you can't have Passover.

Well, you've got a direct connection to God, haven't you? Just go, hello, God. Hi, God. Remember me? Good work. He's in your ear all the time. Can I fuck my granddaughter, please? You may, but you cannot eat the fruit. I know what's important.

Answer me this. You said I could return this pair of tights within 28 days without affecting my statutory rights. Didn't you? Now I'm staying up all night and I'm shaking and shivering with fright because you made me replace my living room lights Claiming eco bulbs will be just as bright Didn't you?

And I only got this limited sight And now it's getting too dark to write So I, it's, I don't know Something about Vietnam and Abraham and Steve Krem. Our next question is from Oscar and Bianca of London, who say, Olly, answer me this. Is the castle at Disneyland based on the castle in the opening of Disney films or the other way round?

And also, Olly, answer me this. Who lives in the castle, please? Of course, all the fairy princesses. Yeah, I don't know how old oscar and bianca are but they sound like possibly they might be young people so i don't people who've received head injuries shatter any illusions but i think i've got to tell it straight haven't i no one lives in the castle because it is a tourist attraction that has an animatronic dragon in it oh the dragon lives there well that's right yes yes a robotic dragon lives there quite right i've never been to disney

land or world or any of the disney, but I would have imagined that the castle would contain maybe offices or administrative facilities. The clue's in the name. It's called Sleeping Beauty's Castle. Yeah. Therefore, Sleeping Beauty lives there. Although I think she might be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, because if you woke up after that many decades being asleep... You'd get out, wouldn't you?

You'd get some fresh air. You know, I've spent long enough in a castle. I'm going to go and get myself a nice masonette in Edgware. But it is confusing because in the logo on Walt Disney Pictures, to which Oscar and Bianca refer, in the cartoons rather than the films for families and older audiences, you often see a little animated Tinkerbell, don't you? Spreading fairy dust on the castle.

That's confusing the myth because then it does look like the castle maybe is in Neverland rather than Disneyland. Why and why would sleeping beauty interact with tinkerbell they're from two different stories they wouldn't get on tinkerbell's a real bitch to other girls but i think the origin story went like this uh sleeping beauty was one of the big disney box office successes therefore when they built disneyland they put sleeping beauty's castle at the center of it you have to remember that when disneyland was built not many americans had been to europe on cheap airplane flights so the idea of having a german style castle in the middle of california was kind of cool it is awesome yeah they built a replica castle that then became the emblem of disneyland which then became the emblem of the

studios and then thus they put tinkerbell on the studio thing as well here's a question of kissing from luca from malta who says helen answer me this why do people close their eyes when they kiss they're imagining someone else let's be honest that's what it's about really what a lot of people on the internet suggest is a reason i can think of several reasons one is that it's not a flattering angle of your partner as they loom that close towards you you can't actually focus on their face you're not getting a proper 3d image and you're getting their features magnified if you're in a romantic relationship with someone surely even in close-up you can find them attractive i can't really focus on that just if you're like three inches away from someone's face it's a bit picasso you see a little snippet i happen to find picasso portraits a major turn on well i don't ever want to go to art galleries

with you but that was the case before i learned that too uh but a lot of people do find it really disturbing to see people like their their large eyeball or their pores that close up or to see things distorted by the fact that you're not looking in stereoscopic vision another reason is it's polite you're focusing on your partner you're not distracted by things in the background uh maybe you're feeling a bit vulnerable because you're in an intimate situation and closing your eyes makes you feel reassured but i i think intrinsically what luke is saying here is is maybe he's had relationships where people are closing their eyes when they kiss him and he doesn't agree with that. And I can kind of relate to that. I genuinely don't think my girlfriend is physically horrified by me.

She might have mentioned by now. Yeah. Or maybe she's just managed to get over it. But I do sometimes feel a bit insulted when we're kissing and she's got her eyes closed because I'm very much an eyes open kind of man. I wonder if there's a male female divide on that, you know, much like with erotic literature like we were talking about a few weeks before. I wonder if ladies aren't so bothered about the visual, but men actually generally prefer to have their eyes open. But it's not like you can sneak a glimpse of a lady's boobs while kissing her, because her face is in the way.

Well, that's what you think. It all depends on the angle you see, Helen. Yeah, or if she's got two large mosquito bites on her cheek that you can pretend are boobs. Hi, it's Beth and Martin from Lewis. Helen, Ollie and Martin the Sandman answer this. Why a curry house is so dark? It's not atmospheric, it's just annoying. You can't read the menu. She says it's not atmospheric,

but I'm sure if they started floodlighting the curry house, she would realise how atmospheric the old gloom was. I think that's right, yeah. I mean, if they're doing it so dark that you can't read the menu, then they've done it badly. But, you know, the notion that at night, at dinner time, a place may be slightly darker, it gives it a more leisurely feel, doesn't it?

More intimate, personal feel. I don't think the ethnicity of the restaurant is relevant. I think it's the fact that you've gone there for dinner. No, actually, I don't associate this particularly with curry houses. No. When you're drunk, you're quite sensitive to light, aren't you? Yes. So you actually want a slightly dimmer environment

so it doesn't stab your bare-headed brain. Maybe they're being also kind because, let's face it, curry is a foodstuff which you may well drip down your front and they might want to help you disguise this yeah and also they don't want you to see what you're eating do they that's the other thing they like mystery what of it but actually if you are going to give an audience a taste of something they've never had before a feeling of being transported to exotic climes then actually that's easier to do isn't it when uh it's a bit darker and you're not aware that actually you are sitting in woolwich or whatever that's easier to do isn't it when uh it's a bit darker and you're not aware

that actually you are sitting in woolwich or whatever that's a good point take your own candle if there's a problem with reading the menu beth or one of those little book lights that you hook over the top what are those things you strap onto your head and like a little miner's lamp those can be very nice when you're on a date so you can stare into your lover's eyes and blind them with your beam if pubs are too bright i find find that very weird, even in the day, because you want this sort of sense of permanent dusk in a pub. And there's one in Crystal Palace that's very salubrious, but it's bright white, and that is wrong,

because a pub, you should feel slightly oppressed. Or like it's hugging you, hugging you with booze. I think it should be a bit womb-like, but smell of beer. But people complain, don't they, about shops like Hollister, that they're too dark. And yet the kids love it about shops like Hollister that they're too dark. The kids love it. What is Hollister? It's like Abercrombie & Fitch.

It's owned by Abercrombie & Fitch. And it's the same thing in that they sell vastly overpriced surfing and casual wear, kind of Oxford Union-type classic look inside, but it's very dark. And then they have topless male models standing outside who look like surfers. And then it's designed so that basically you get lost in it.

Oh. Is it just so at some point you go, yeah'll buy the trousers just let me go i don't know but it is it's an absolute death trap if they have a fire there good shop psychology which is weird isn't it bravo to them then they do have these odd sitting areas that you kind of discover you know they're kind of round corners and stuff and there's a big pile of like esquire magazines and stuff but you can't read them because it's too dark. You might be sitting on an armchair. You might be sitting on the bodies of one of the fallen that couldn't find their way out.

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the Answer Me This podcast. Today's podcast will be lasting approximately 28 to 30 minutes. We may encounter some patches of bad banter. Please keep your headphones on as these usually subside.

Thanks for flying. Answer me this podcast. Here's a question from Nick from Orpington, who says, My dad used to work in Ipswich. One evening, he received a phone call from a representative of Channel 4 News who first asked if he could confirm his name as Stephen Wright. Oh.

To which he replied in the affirmative. They then asked if he was the Stephen Wright Oh. Bit of impressive undercover journalism there from Channel 4 News. Oh, they're really trying to trick him, aren't they, these journalists? He was warned that he would most probably be getting more calls from the press that evening. What followed was probably one of the most surreal evenings of his life, as he was called by the BBC, ITN and the Mail, all asking him if he'd been up to any prostitute murder in the last few months.

And had any slipped his mind since the last statement he made on the subject two minutes before? Are you sure? So, Ollie, answer me this. What is the most weird thing you've ever been accused of? I was confused for someone who was in a boots advert. Wow! Yeah, it's not prostitute murdering, is it?

There's usually women in boots adverts. Yeah, I know. I'd never seen the advert that they were referring to, but I was on holiday with my family and someone came up, this was in Turkey And someone came up to me in Marmaris And said, you're on the telly aren't you And I never know what to say when people say that Because yes I am on the telly

But I'm on telly very late at night, very early in the morning As a guest, and they probably haven't confused me for someone they know Nonetheless you start reaching for your sharpie To autograph their breasts So I didn't want to say yes You've seen me on Eamon holmes's knee for 30 seconds so so i said um uh well i i don't know what do you think you've seen me in is what i said and she said uh you're in the boots yeah you're in the doris he's in the boots advert and she called over her family to come and meet me because i was in

the boots advert and i said no i'm sorry i'm not in the boots advert and she wouldn't have it that's what a real celebrity would say because you're undercover, aren't you? Probably doing some research for your next Boots character. Someone who's been to Turkey, so they need some after sun, isn't it? That's who you're playing. Maybe. How eccentric.

A friend of mine, Ellis James, who is a comedian, is currently being mistaken for two people. One of them is E.L. James, the author of Fifty Shades of Grey. Right. The other person he keeps being confused by, and he's got some quite ripe tweets from people, is somebody who allegedly was sleeping

with Harry Styles from One Direction. Right. Who has another name that sounds a bit like Ellis James. Yeah. And has he been capitalising on it? Has he added these people to his mailing list? Oh, I should hope so. I should hope so too. I hope he's got lots of new followers on Twitter, but they do seem to be quite negative, the people that want Harry Styles for themselves.

Yes. Did you see the most ridiculous news story of last weekend? Which was that some scientist has said that because in studying teenage girls who are looking at pictures of Justin Bieber, they found an example of dopamine in their brain at a greater level than there would be otherwise, that therefore there is actually some sort of scientific reaction

to seeing Justin Bieber's face, as opposed to this just being adolescent girls getting their genies tickled. But then, if that were the case, why have they not prescribed my dad pictures of Justin Bieber for Parkinson's, which is when your dopamine drops below a certain level? Surely Bieberism causes Parkinson's if you use up all of your dopamine as a teenage girl.

Well, that's what he should do. He should do a long-range study amongst the believers to see whether in 20, 30, 40, 50 years there's a higher incidence of Parkinson's amongst them. That'd be interesting. Perhaps we could do like a mass bonfire of Bieber sacrificing to stop Parkinson's. Well, anyway, listeners,

if you've ever been falsely accused of something, preferably not something quite as dark as what Nick from Arlington's tab was being accused of, then please do get in touch and tell us and also of course uh get in touch with your questions via email skype and phone all of which uh contact details are listed on our website answer me this podcast.com which is also where you can find the link to our sports day album one hour of all new stuff all about sport and some of it not really about sport. You know how we work by now. Bye!