Answer Me This! - AMT225: Timbuktu, Danny Boyle, and the Phantom of the Opera

Episode Date: July 26, 2012

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If all the Big Brother contestants died, would anyone notice? Has to be this, has to be this Have you ever been in a paddling pool containing no piss? Has to be this, has to be this Helen and Ollie, has to be this So, the day that this comes out is the day before the London 2012 Olympics come out! That's right, we're really excited because there's lots of livestock that are going to be in a big show.

Yay! And billions of people, yeah, like 20 sheep and five goats. It'll be like when they get that tiny little white horse on at the end of the first half of the panto. But a lot of people, by the time you're listening to this, will have seen the opening ceremony. I'm going to say in advance, and I know I'm risking my neck here, I think it'll be really good. Danny Boyle rarely actually fucks up. But at the time of recording we are of course untainted by the

knowledge of what is going to happen at the olympics opening ceremony but not what is in answer me this sports day our olympics spin-off album though we're not allowed to say that we're not allowed and what is in there is 59 minutes and 33 seconds of sporty fun fun fun that's right it is the ultimate soundtrack to watching the Olympics this summer. So if you're watching the opening ceremony and you're like, I don't mind Danny Boyle's music choices. I personally wouldn't have chosen Velvet Underground for this montage of long jumpers. Then you can say...

Why are they all sinking through the ground? Then you can say, I know, I'll listen to Helen and Ollie answer me this sports day for only £2.49 from iTunes. Because I went to some live sports the other day at Crystal Palace and I thought, I'm willing to do this because it's five minutes from my house. Yes, yeah, which is also what brought you down to the Torch Relay the other day as well.

Yeah, I thought, well, I ought to go because even though I'm not interested, I won't get the chance to go again and maybe it will be valuable for me to see what someone who is interested looks like. Yeah, yeah. And I realised that is the kind of choice a psychopath would make it's sort of similar to if you decided to marry martin purely to see what love feels like i've been practicing my ecstatic faces in the mirror like a real person

but anyway anyway yes what i didn't realize about live athletics and the torch relay is that you have to listen to shit local commercial radio shouting and music throughout so like during the athletics they were doing that make some nice stuff which i find so objectionable anyway because and to shit local commercial radio shouting and music throughout. So, like, during the athletics, they were doing that make some noise stuff, which I find so objectionable anyway because I feel like it really dehumanises me. But then they were playing some really chronic music. Like, Rihanna was the best stuff and then most of it was, like, 10 million notches lower than Rihanna.

A lot of hideous auto-tune. And then some of the stuff was so bad that it was really putting some of the athletes off. So there was this guy trying to pole vault and as he was doing his run-up with the pole, it started playing Maroon 5, and he completely fluffed it. He just went straight under the bar onto the mat.

So anyway, what I'm saying is, take something else to put in your ears whilst watching sports. Yeah, and that should be the answer to this Sports Day album. Here's a question about the Olympics from Aggie from London. She says, I work for a multinational company. Today, a notice was posted on our intranet, reminding staff, that as the Muslim holy month of Ramadan is underway, She says, Does that really need to be said? Like, you're going to be like,

all right, Mohammed, you want to try these smoky bacon crisps? They're delicious. It must be really hard to have Ramadan during August in the northern Hemisphere because the days are so long. It's all right when it's December and there's very little daylight. Anyway, Ollie, answer me this. What are the rules regarding Muslim athletes fasting? Surely, for example, Algerian weightlifters and Malaysian swimmers

need to continue to eat a lot of calories in order to perform at their best. Well, actually, there's a lot of debate about that. Oh. Clearly, it would be dangerous for someone who had no previous experience of fasting and who wasn't an athlete to suddenly come to a different country and not eat anything all day

and then run for an hour and a half. That would be dangerous. Well, I don't know, because I met this woman the other week and she went on this two-week Thai detox where you just, like, have one juice a day. And she said it was amazing, but that was probably because her brain had shrunk. But, you know, if you actually are a Muslim athlete, i.e. you have experience at fasting over 20 years or so,

and you are an athlete, so you're very in touch with your body and you're pushing it through the limits every day, it's not actually as dangerous as it might be if you weren't. So, I mean, there is some debate about it. And, in fact, I mean, she mentions Algerian weightlifters. I don't know about that, but I know that the Algerian steeplechase Khalid Belabas is indeed fasting for Ramadan. Right.

Shit. Steeplechase as well. That's demanding, isn't it? That's like sort of obstacle course, isn't it? But running. But it's really long. Yeah, well, I've seen an interview with him and he basically just said, well, look, it's more important to me to be a Muslim than it is to be an athlete.

Good for him. But well, yeah, but is it good for Algeriaia i don't know i mean it's difficult isn't it should you be choosing athletes who actually are prepared to say well i'm secular and therefore i might be more likely to win don't know yeah but maybe he's better than the secular ones even when he's fasting i guess we'll see the proof will be in the steeplechase we've got your eye on you balabas in team gb all four of the muslim athletes that we have representing us in various sports, they've all said they're not going to first. But one of them, Aroah, is providing 60 meals for the poor for every day that he misses. Wow. So it's kind of like carbon offsetting with Ramadan.

Well, also, that is another of the pillars of Islam, isn't it? Charity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So maybe he's like, well, one of my pillars is shrunk a bit, but I'll compensate with one of the other bars on the graph. Exactly. Josh from London. Helen and Ollie asked me this.

Me and my friend were just eating bread with sesame seeds on it, and we were wondering, what do sesame seeds actually grow into? Sesame seeds grow into a flower, kind of like a little white tube that's hairy on the outside. That sounds like me. If Julian Opie was drawing Martin, it would look something like that. But actually, it's quite an interesting crop because it's the oldest oilseed crop known to humanity. Cool, sesame oil. You can use that in stir-fries and stuff, can't you?

Oh, it's delicious. Salad dressings. But it's a very drought-resistant plant, which means you can grow it on the edge of desert, so it proliferates in rather inhospitable places and it provides a valuable source of protein. Nice. Okay, actually, I'd kind of forgotten about sesame sesame oil and that makes me feel a little bit better about the whole sesame plant actually why because well because as we've talked about before i went to vegetarian school what you get in your packed lunches instead of a mars bar are sesame snaps oh just even just the name still makes me shudder as a child i just used to think what is this because it's not sweet and it's not savoury.

It's the transvestite of the snack world. What are you? What is it? The intersex seed. Just like hell for me is not a boot stomping down on your face for all humanity, but someone force-feeding me sesame snaps. Is that what's in your room 101?

Is that a cage full of sesame snaps? Yeah, basically, yeah. Or someone who just sandwiches me between sesame snaps like some sort of medieval torture device. Or rubs them all over you like a pumice. Oh, don't. Actually, you make me feel a bit weird. It's Kieran from Freckleton. I'm currently doing work experience at a primary school

and I was just wondering, is it OK when the teacher leaves the room for me to shout at the children and tell them to shut up? It depends how you shout at them, I think. If you say class sit down yeah that's about okay but if you say i'm going to literally kill all of you yeah well the problem with that technique actually is that you actually make yourself look vulnerable and i've hurt my throat yeah exactly but children can spot weakness is what i'm saying oh my god

they can smell it with their tiny nostrils and if you look like you're emotionally disturbed by the activities they've been getting up to, they ain't going to stop. Why would they stop? It's working. Exactly. That is their intention. When you sense success, you'd be stupid to stop, wouldn't you? That's right. So I think if you're going to shout at these children, Kieran,

then do it with a sense of humour. And then instead of spotting your vulnerability and latching onto that, what they'll do is they'll all think you're a lovable eccentric. Because actually, kids do quite like being shouted at. You want that framework telling you what is right and wrong. Yeah, I know. Don't we sound like a right-wing talk radio show now?

But actually, that's true because... I miss the beatings. Well, I remember at my school, my primary school, there was a chemistry teacher who used to throw blackboard rubbers at kids who were misbehaving. Yeah, we had that as well. They usually didn't hit them. Well, it wasn't going to cause any lasting injury really was it and actually when you went in his class the big talking point was who was going to get the blackboard rubber thrown at them isn't

that a bit counterproductive then because the kids would deliberately rile him to see me me people are trying to catch the hockey pocket an ice hockey game yeah but the point is it did give him license to injure the children physically and everyone really loved loved it. It would let off steam, wouldn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Okay, well, what Kieran then obviously has to do is to think up some theatrical techniques that will divert the children from making the mischief that they know works. It's like when my niece views are being annoying little shits and very loud,

and I say, hey, I've got an idea for a competition. The winner is the person who can make the quietest noise. And because they're so stupid... I did the quietest noise! I was really quiet then. I was like, Albie, you've just lost. And they're like... One day they'll be too old for that to work and I'll have to think of another one. But it's worked a treat for two years. That's a good idea.

Help yourselves, guys. If you've got a question, email your question to answer me this podcast at googlemail.com. Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com. It's great. It's great So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who?

On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American Airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Here's a question

of musicals. Yay! Alright, you don't win me over that easy, Helen, although my heart is dancing. It's from Philippa from Bury St Edmunds in Suffolk Home of Magnificent Topiary But not really any musicals that I'm aware of I don't know I think Chicago would have been better if it had been set in Bury St Edmunds

It would have been harder to fill in a poster though wouldn't it? Long title He had it coming We went to the Abbey and looked at the ruins La dee da Anyway Philippa says I recently was in County Opera School's production of Phantom of the Opera. You needn't tell me, Philippa, the chattering classes have been talking of little else for the last few weeks.

Did you see, did you see? I have to say, it was amazing. False modesty much? But even after four performances and a week of almost constant rehearsal, plus six months of singing practice and dance choreography, I'm still unsure. Ollie, answer me this. Is the Phantom a goodie or a baddie? I'm not sure answer me this is the phantom a goodie or a

baddie i'm not sure what argument there is that he's a goodie why must he be one or the other well absolutely i suppose maybe she just thinks musicals are so black and white yes yes moral you see but that's the mistake people often make with musical theater isn't it they assume that because you can watch it in a way that's completely insubstantial yeah that there is no substance to it whereas obviously the musicals that are really good and by the way i hate phantom the opera personally but nonetheless the box office receipts would suggest that lots of people think it's really good philippa says it's amazing yes yeah that's right she must be right the ones that are really good do have a bit more going on and a bit more interpretation i think you have to settle basically for baddie because it's based on a book that's a hundred years old anything written

a hundred years ago in which a character is disfigured yeah we're talking about a world before mask with sharing it it's quasimodo evil oh but then the beast in beauty and the beast he's kind of good isn't it yeah but that's the trick because he's actually a handsome man um put under a spell yeah well the phantom is also a handsome man underneath it he was once a handsome man oh yeah well i mean the version i saw, he was played by Charles Dance. There you go. Always set my mother's pants aflutter. Nonetheless, the fact that he's disfigured indicates, underneath it all, bad.

Also, from what I remember, the Phantom represents sex, and the other guy that's wooing Christine represents love, romantic love. The fact is, he's obviously a a dick because he's like the collector. He's keeping her in a cellar hoping she'll love him. Yes, yes. But he's only doing that really in repayment for the fact that he's taught her to sing and now she's a big opera star. That's like if Joseph Fritz was like,

Elizabeth, you didn't clean your room. Down the stairs, you're not coming out. Or if Simon Cowell said, One direction, you are now going to live in my house forever. She has slightly cock-teased him. She's like, oh, I can sing, I can sing, oh, it's amazing. And then when he says, all right then, marry me, she's like, actually, I'm not sure you've got a horrible face.

Well, maybe it would have been sensible for him to wear a funnier mask, like one of those spitting image Thatcher masks, or one of those postcards with the Queen's face on it that you can get all over London. I'm not sure those existed in France in 1890-something. Shop around for masks, is what I'm saying. Well, from one question about a bad man to another, it's from Claire from Evesham slash Leamington Spa.

Make up your mind, Claire. She says, Olly, answer me this. What happened to Hitler's paintings? Since Athena closed down. They weren't, like, destroyed or anything. i mean presumably they're very valuable well they're more valuable than the paintings by a ship painter should be yeah they're not great are they i mean they're fine they're technically fine they're just bland watercolors of landscapes and stuff there's nothing really to distinguish them but then i suppose he didn't have the time to work

out his own style because he went off and became a dictator instead that's's right, yes. At a time when a lot of artists would be developing and then peaking in their 60s, and he was dead by then. He had an anti-Semitic manifesto of hate to write, Helen. He didn't have time to develop his painting skills. Yeah, but he could have done the pictures in that, couldn't he? Well, that's one thing Mein Kampf is missing, isn't it? Illustrations. To answer the question,

some of them did actually get confiscated effectively by the US Army and they're still in the possession of the US government. Wow, I wonder what they're doing with them. Maybe there's a whole wing of the White House that's just full of Nazi art. No, but come on. If you were Barack Obama, you're giving the likes of David Cameron a tour, you would be like, hey, do you want to come and see some of Hitler's paintings?

Yeah. That's quite cool, isn't it? I'd send one to Mitt Romney going, Happy Christmas! Looking at Hitler's paintings, they remind me of the paintings you get in hotel rooms where they've just got some paintings to fill space that they're not the kind of paintings that anyone will ever love.

They're Holiday Inn paintings, aren't they? Yeah, they are. If you found a Hitler painting in a charity shop for two pounds, would you buy it? Yes, of course, because they are worth tens of thousands. Really? Yes, just because it's by Hitler. Would you put it on your wall?

Nah. I love the idea of someone going around your house and then you go, oh, who's that by? Oh, that's the original Hitler. I actually have, I shouldn't really, but I've never admitted this in a public forum before. Oh my God, exclusive. I have a Charles Bronson line drawing. He sent it to Philip Schofield,

and it was when I was working on the ITV programme this morning, and we were running a this morning caricature competition and he entered yes no way so the viewers had to draw their own caricature of philip and fern and send it to this morning oh and i being the lonely researcher was charged with opening the mail and then putting the good ones into a pile and one of them came through from charles bronson and um it was as you'd expect. Was it like Philip and Fern smashing each other's heads or something? No, the picture was a caricature of Philip and Fern.

Okay, because he still wanted to win. What was the prize? On the back, I think it was a Hobbycraft kit or something. I'm not sure they're allowed that in prison because they're probably blades. I think it wouldn't look good and on brand if on air Philip and Fern read out that the winner was Charles Bronson.

What was Charles Bronson in for? I can't remember. Originally, he got seven years for something like ABH, not killing someone. But then since he was there in 1970-something, he's become Britain's most violent prisoner. He's like attack security guards with forks. He was released for about 40 days

and then went back in again since 1980 or something. He's a bad apple. He's a bad apple. But anyway, I saw it and I I thought what do I do with this Because what's the official protocol Probably I'm supposed to take this through to the producer of the programme And say we've had a slightly threatening letter From Charles Bronson

But he's in prison He's not going to do anything And they would definitely not show it to Philips Gofield Because it's going to freak him out Well he must also just be used to nutters getting in touch Because that's what people do to people that are on television, they send them crazy mail. Exactly, and it wasn't really to Phillips Schofield, it was to

Charles Bronson's weird impression of what Phillips Schofield was. And so I just thought, well, I'm not going to get anything productive by handing this in but if I keep it, this is going to be something. I wouldn't go buying Charles Bronson artwork but since I've been sent it, I'll just keep it. So did you frame it and put it on your wall? No, I've kept it in my various bits of when I worked in TV production memorabilia.

From violent criminals. Well, no, I've got a picture of me and Kermit the Frog. I've got a parking fines audit from Vanessa Feltz. And an autograph of David Hasselhoff. And a letter to Philip Schofield from Charles Bronson. Because I've still got some crazy letters that I intercepted when it was my job to open the post at BBC News. Oh yeah, you had some crackers.

Oh, I photocopied them and gave them to all my friends because they were amazing. Dear Anna Ford, I get erections of the penis over you. I don't want your sweet daughters. I want you. Michael Winadote set misstandards.

Oh, that's right, yeah. And then it sort of tailed off into this kind of conspiracy and then it just went, sorry, you'll never understand. And that was the end of the four pages. So it went from kind of conspiracy and then it just went, sorry, you'll never understand. And that was the end of the four pages. So it went from kind of sexual enthusiasm to like, you're not the woman for me

Anna for, fuck you and goodbye. made you guffaw Tim Curry or Tim Rice disposing of dead mice Dave from Smethwick on Kosher Law If you like fact or bawdy talk or just a soundtrack for your walk we've got stuff to entertain you because for 79 pence each you can buy our first three years episodes or just the good ones, who could blame you? Go to answermethispodcast.com slash classic or iTunes

and if you don't you'll get a visit in the night from our band of hired goons. Hired goons. Whack, whack, whack to what they say. If you value your knees. Here's a question from Jack in Surrey who says, I recently moved into my first proper house.

Well, well done for no longer living in a doll's house. Living with four other guys, I noticed that we have our own particular habits. That's good, isn't it? Because they're not all clones. Yes. One of my housemates only ever reads on the stairs. Okay.

And can do so for hours. Interesting. I've never met anyone who's done this in their own home when there are perfectly good armchairs and sofas on which to read. Maybe he likes his buttocks to be pressed against a hard angular surface. Yeah, well, actually, I kind of can identify with this a bit. Sometimes you want to have your limbs jammed against a wall and your back jammed against another wall and a book in between.

Yeah. He perhaps enjoys the lack of distraction. Maybe the rest of your housemates watch telly all the time or you're really loud or you're always doing games. And he's like, I can feel serene on the stairs. No one else is spending time on the stairs but me well jack continues helen asked me this is my housemate really weird yeah a bit yeah a bit and do you have a weird place where you like to read uh no but i used to uh in the house i grew

up there was a large cupboard on our landing and i would go in there for hours at a time and it was really nice because all the sleeping bags were in there so it was very comfortable and it had a kind of comforting cupboard smell full of coats and old suitcases and stuff that's really sweet that is the kind of thing that only kids do isn't it it was great you never you never like where's granny oh she's in the cupboard with the sleeping bags reading raiders digest yeah and actually jack if your flatmate has managed to maintain that childhood joy and discovery of nooks good on him yes exactly because the problem with our flat now for reading is it doesn't contain any unusual nooks nooks is a curious thing because uh you would see

a nook but you'd never see an individual cranny no i wouldn't i've never had anyone so yeah it's just in the cranny under the stairs where's the cranny next to the nook why didn't you say the nook and cranny yeah i used to like like going to the plinth around the lines, the bottom of Nelson's Column in Trafalgar Square. Oh, show off. I used to climb up to the top plinth and sit at the bottom of the column. And I haven't done that since I was about 24. And then last week I had like an hour free.

So I thought, okay, I'll go and read in Trafalgar Square. I had my book on me. So I went and ripped my corduroys straight down the crotch that's what happens when you read out of an armchair it's dangerous people very dangerous i mean this guy he could cause other people to fall down the stairs they trip over him as he's deep in his book he doesn't move out the way yeah time for another question of flat mating uh from sage who says i have a friend who lives in a squat with many dreadlocked hippies. Yeah, that sounds about right. Not to stereotype, but...

That's where they keep them. One of said hippies has a habit of breaking off the handle of every mug in the house. Handles, symbol of the patriarchy. Smash, smash, smash. Resulting in a lot of drinking tea from pint glasses, burning hands on handleless mugs, etc. Well, you could drink

with oven gloves on, but I suppose a squat might not have oven gloves. Anyway, I thought it would be nice to buy her a mug. It's not in the nature of squatting, is it? With an unbreakable handle, but I just can't find one. Plastic mugs just aren't the same. Yeah.

So Helen answered me this. Can you shed some light on my mug-based quandary? It's not really a quandary. Listen, can you recommend a mug that's unbreakable? Oh, well, they answered me this mug. It's very stout. Oh, that's bloody good, isn't it? Oh, it's quite big.

It's a big one. It's very large. And ours has done nearly five years of unchipped service. Answer me this podcast.com slash superstore. I think the solution is to buy her a load of tin cups. They don't break. They taste a bit nicer than plastic. But also, she can just leave them out for the hippies.

And then she can keep her nice mugs in her room. Although that might be against the tenets of the squat. Yeah. So I think either she's going to have to live with the fact that hippies in squats are not the ideal housemates. Or you could ask one of the hippies to whittle a mug out of a tree branch they found that had fallen. Yeah, it's not like they're doing anything else with their days.

Here's a question from Brayden in Australia, who says, Helen, answer me this. Is Timbuktu a real place? I've heard various references to this supposed place, the phrase from here to Timbuktu, for example, but I know nothing else about it. Timbuktu isn't a real place, it's a folk singer. You're really saying that to the wrong crowd, Martin. I'd imagine most of our demographic doesn't overlap with the Timbuktu isn't a real place It's a folk singer You're really saying That's the wrong crowd Martin

I'd imagine most of our demographic Doesn't overlap with the Timbuktu graphic I bet they're big Timbuktu fans They're like Do you answer me this I've been trying to get hold of A copy of the deleted album Star Sailor

Can you help me find one Yeah it is a real place I know that Timbuktu is a real place But I would struggle To point it out on a map Yes But that doesn't tell you very much Because I would struggle To point out out on a map. Yes. But that doesn't tell you very much because I would struggle to point out China on a map. You struggle to point out

London on a map of London. It's technically in Mali. Where Damon Albarn likes to go on holiday. Yes. Do you remember in the late 90s he was into Iceland and then he was like, I'm into Mali now. Mali music. Where next, Albarn? Swindon. But earlier this year

it was captured in a rebellion from the Malian military and is being declared part of an unrecognised state, Azawad. So it's on the bottom of the Sahara Desert and it's on the River Niger. And that meant that it was known as the crossroad where the camel met the canoe. Desert camel. River canoe. That sounds like a sexual euphemism. Let the camel see the canoe.

So they just meant literally where you disembark your mode of transport to get on the river. Or to take your trade stuff across the desert. So it was a very, very important city for many centuries because it was on the trade routes of salt and gold. And it was a seat of learning. It had three universities in the 12th century, which is... That's good going, yeah. Because it was a seat of learning, it got this mystical reputation amongst Europeans. And I guess as well,

because a lot of people would have travelled through it on the trade routes. So it meant like a faraway place. I don't think that's the reason either. I honestly think the reason is it sounds a bit like Roald Dahl made it up. It sounds like a place that's like a punchline. Outer Mongolia, people say as well, don't they?

Yes, yes, yes. Dark as Peru in Paddington. Yes, exactly. Peru dark? Probably not. Well, maybe where Paddington was born, because he's a bear and probably in a cave. I wonder whether to foreigners, some of the places in British literature sound equally amusing and like, you know, Baker Street, where Sherlock Holmes is from.

If only I found you to a novelty. Honestly, I could feel that coming. To some foreign readers of Sherlock Holmes Baker Street feels like something that's probably made up But it is actually a real place here in London A lady asked us for directions the other night We were at Baker Street Station and she wanted to know where Sherlock Holmes' house was

It's like he's dead even if it was real And it's fictional he never actually lived there And it was 7pm on a Sunday so even if there is a museum there It's not going to be open then I actually did something like this myself we went to see the excellent production of Sweeney Todd that's on at the moment in the West End and on the bus on the way home my bus

back to Highbury goes down Fleet Street so I was curious so I looked all the way down Fleet Street to see if there actually was a barbershop on Fleet Street. Or a pie shop Yeah well yeah preferably a pie shop with a barbershop above it. Ideally yes. And there is a barbershop on Fleet Street and it a pie shop. Yeah, well, yeah. Preferably a pie shop with a barbershop above it. Ideally, yes. And there is a barbershop on Fleet Street,

and it's above a Wagamama. And what is in those soupy noodles? I thought that I would never love again. Oh, no! I went on to the internet and then... What then? I found a place where all true love lasts. Hooray!

At www.answermedispodcast.com Here's a question from Alice who says, Since having children I've become increasingly compulsive about reducing the clutter in my house. Well that's the wrong way round isn't it because children bring a wave of shit with them. Yeah.

And also children will go round destroying everything that you had anyway so why bother being proactive about it. They make useful artefacts into clutter. They've got a talent for it. Except for the occasional one that is an obsessive, compulsive tidier. Keep holding it. Dream child, that. Yeah, they're probably a bit of a weirdo, though.

They'll probably go mad when they're older. Alice continues, I used to have ornaments, but I got rid of them all. I suppose that could pose a danger to a child, perhaps. My husband hates having change in his pockets, so he leaves little piles of it everywhere. That's the kind of thing that people stab each other about, isn't it? These unimportant things. Yeah.

I saw one more pile of his fivepences, and the next thing I knew, his blood was everywhere. I understand the frustration, though, because it's not asking too much, is it, Alice, for him to just have one place where he keeps his piles of pennies? Why don't you buy him a piggy bank? Anyway, Alice continues, recently I got really irritated

and threw some 1p and 2p coins away. In the rubbish. With scrap metal going at such a price at the moment, you're a monster. I realise this is

financially and morally questionable behaviour, but, Helen, answer me this. By removing these coins from circulation, have I helped the national economy or damaged it? Oh, sure you've helped. In these times of austerity, you're like, oh, I'm rich enough to throw money away.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure you've damaged it. I know not everyone's with George Osborne's plan of printing loads of money, but I've not heard anyone on any side of the political debate actually say, let's throw our money away yeah uh in fact since the the one and two p pieces were introduced uh in 1971 when it was decimalization how much money do you think has disappeared through people losing slash disposing of these coins in pounds in pounds 25 million pounds 70 million pounds And apparently in a recent survey,

5.3 million Britons admitted to throwing coins away. And why would you do that? Why would you not keep them in a big jar? And then once a year you get to go to Coinstar, which is like playing a slot machine where you always win apart from 7% of the commission. I was surprised to find on the Royal Mint website, which obviously I frequent regularly,

that there's actually a limit on what is legal tender in these little denominations. So in other words, you're only allowed to spend 1p coins up to a certain amount when you go and buy stuff. For up to 20p.

20p? Yeah, it's insane, isn't it? That's cock all. It is a wonderful feeling though, isn't it? To reach that time in your life where you're sort of like trying to negotiate some difficult stairs or get into a bus

and you hear 2p drop to the ground. You're yeah i don't need to pick that up actually yeah don't scrabble for it pass it by it's not important oh they got run over by a bus yeah i do feel bad about that you drop on the floor you've decided not to pick it up and someone else generously reaches down and gets it for you when i first lived in london and i was extremely impoverished i lived with a man called mark who had a big bowl where he just dumped his change every evening yeah and there wasn't anything bigger than a 10 pence or a 20 pence in there it was mainly coppers but in order that i could go for my 50p swims each day i'd comb it for the uh the five pences did he know no he didn't because he didn't care he never took anything out of the

bowl that went into the bowl wow i didn't know that yeah what happened to your type moral compass well i wanted to go for my 50p swims yeah i bet you did me me me yeah uh well sorry mark i'll give you the 50ps back uh well listeners if if you are literally throwing money away uh throw it our way as alice is yes uh don't do head over to our website where there are links to our merchandise and apps and albums and our book and our classic episodes that you can throw at us instead and then i'll make a pearly queen style suit out of all the coppers that alice is throwing away and i will look very dashing thank you and as you ought to know by now the address for that website is answer me this podcast.com obviously on that website as well we have put our contact details so you can send us a question via email phone

and skype because the sad truth is listeners if you don't send us a question there's no show that's right you want that on your conscience? What would we be without you? Nothing. What would you be without us? Listening to something else, Helen. Bye!