Answer Me This! - AMT229: The Tooth Fairy, Tom and Jerry, and Digestive Biscuits

Episode Date: September 20, 2012

The Tooth Fairy, Tom and Jerry, and Digestive Biscuits Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Terms and conditions apply. Visit bmo.com slash theiporter to learn more. Is the new Rushdie fat or just more 80s revival? Has to be this, has to be this. What have one true voice been up to since Popstar's The Rifles? Has to be this, has to be this. Helen and Ollie. Has to be this. Hello, listeners.

Welcome back. How was your holiday, Helen? Mine was lovely. Thank you very much. I went to Wales and we stayed in a village named after a dog that was murdered in the 1300s. They cannot get over it. I know that it's very upsetting to lose a pet, but he would have been dead by now.

I was in the delightful Greek island of Rhodes. Yeah, you were. I had a very nice very nice time highlights uh a lot of reclining i don't really see you as a recliner oh i love recline as a lander if there's no if there's any chance to recline i will take it martin i totally see ollie as a recliner it's all in the arms i think that's distinction between lounging and reclining and his arms are floppy uh low light uh was probably going to a bar in lindos and hearing a hands in the air remix of someone like you by adele no one needed to do that to that song that is not a dancing song it's really not there's nothing about it that suggests you could just uh cheer it up a bit with a bit of exactly it's like doing an ecstasy rave version of the theme from the piano

it's just obviously wrong be careful what you wish for. Well, to kick us off, here's a question about free time from Sarah in Seattle, who says, for the past 10 years, I've been a full-time mum. This fall, that means autumn, I'll become a part-time mum as both my kids... Are going to be murdered. How's that part-time? That's that's pretty absolute no that's severance

pay uh both my kids one of whom is called ollie were you listening to me the day he was conceived sarah answer me this it's sex in a bottle i think that means she can claim child support off you uh ollie will be in school all day yes yes uh i'd like to bottles in the ice um i'd like to spend my new free time sitting on the sofa reading mysteries and drinking margaritas what a life uh but i really should clean the house and catch up on paperwork so helen answer me this how many hours a day should i spend doing housework well ideally nought i mean you've got the kids don't they earn money by doing chores? Yeah, that's the clever way of doing it, isn't it?

Is that legal? Don't you have to pay national insurance on employees or something? Pension contributions. I mean, surely the amount of housework you should be doing, Sarah, is the exact same amount of housework you've been doing now. If that's been fine whilst they've been living at home and therefore making more mess, then surely that'll be fine now they're out of the house and actually as they're older can

clean up after themselves anyway when you say how many hours should i spend doing housework um it really depends on who's judging if nobody then do as little as you can get away with i'd say maximum an hour it can be quite meditative housework well this is the thing i actually get into it at first like when i reorganize my wardrobe i get into that oh that's not housework. Well, this is the thing. I actually get into it at first. Like when I reorganise my wardrobe, I get into that. Oh, that's not housework. That's a weekend novelty chore. Yeah, well, it kind of is. As you know, Ollie, I live in filth.

I don't do housework much because it's boring. I'd like to put the devil's advocate position on that, Helen, but I can't. I don't. You speak the truth. Because while Martin and I were away, a man came in and painted our bedroom and all the furniture was out of it. I thought, I'll hire one of those carpet cleaner things. And it'll be like the adverts where a white stripe appears in the middle of my carpets hasn't been cleaned since it was installed in the late 80s and so i hired one you know what

the carpets when they were originally installed in 1989 were just shitty carpet color so i restored them to their gleaming shit color so but you put in quite a lot of work did you elbow grease two days the worst two days Of my adult life And it came out looking the same colour as it did before anyway A more even shade of that shit colour carpet Is it this? Is it the one we're on now? Yeah that's one of them

150 litres of black water Came out of this carpet And it still looks the bloody same So now I'm resolved not to do any more cleaning Because it's clearly a waste of time Although if this had been a beautiful white shag yeah then you'd feel differently wouldn't you so maybe it's about uh installing aspirational carpet to create better housework opportunities in the future that's not the way property developers of the late 80s thought they thought

cheap cheap cheap electrics cheap don't need them to be well done. Skylight, why would you need to open them? Kitchen, why would you want to ventilate one of those? Hi, Alan and Ali and Martin. It's Becky from London. Not to me, this is... Which Spice Girl would you shag and why? Which Spice Girl would you shag and why? What's up next for Babylon Zoo?

They're so inventive. What's up with the Oasis band? Will Tony Blair really win an election? Winona Ryder, she's fine. Do you think they're thinking this because the Spice Girls popped up at the olympics yes they've been all over the place mel b was on the x factor as well and jerry all looking better than ever yeah it was sort of sort of uh i mean okay so let's try and answer this question head on i mean obviously it is a historic transaction from the wank bank yeah um mel b was she was hot but she she is

clearly loopy yeah but okay if we actually talk about this in reality, who would you shag? Mel B, I think, would criticise my style. She wouldn't shut up either. Yeah, golly. Geri would probably just talk about herself and cry while you're at it. Well, let's eliminate, right? So Mel B, I'd say no.

Victoria's too thin, so no. I don't think she has a vagina. I think she's just got like a kind of metal clamp down there. Like a mantra. She's the one I'd most like to have a cup of tea with because she seems quite entertaining and she's got the most interesting life hasn't she yeah well she's got a job for a start um and mel c i honestly think i'd struggle to get an erection she was hot in real life i saw her at the sonia awards apart from the tattoos they look skanky so that leaves then only emma and jerry um who

were my pick at the time yeah different times though now probably in that order number one emma number two jerry and i think as the years have progressed i'd eliminate jerry completely and it leaves you only with emma who i think is still quite fit she is pretty but she's a bit mumsy yeah but that's better than being lolita isn't it i'm glad she's dumped the lollipop i mean i'd feel more comfortable about it now and i think we've probably got more in common as well although maybe i've got more in common with Geri because she's from Watford, I don't know.

Yeah, but she's from Watford a long time ago. Yeah, yeah. Probably all the places she's frequented shut down before you were legally allowed to go in them. Here's a question from Sarah, who just went to France on a little holiday. She says, answer me this, is there a channel tunnel equivalent of the Mile High Club?

I admit the 75 metres below sea level club doesn't have the same glamorous ring to it but surely people have done the dirty in their cars on the way over and surely some of those people have bragged about it not many of those people have bragged about it online because i've done some power googling what phrase did you google presumably not 75 meters below sea level club no well i found that on urban dictionary there is apparently a half mile under club but there's no provenance of where that's come from right so i presume that's just someone dicking about urban dictionary um i googled half mile under club i googled sex in the channel tunnel fuck in the channel tunnel eurostar sex yeah all of it comes up ironically with a google ad for eurostar so if you want that you can click

through and buy the ticket if it gets bums on seats as it were uh yes um but um out of all the phrases that i tried predictably it being the internet the only one that returned results was wank in the channel tunnel which did bring about a really a very sad but pleasingly very speedy video of a man releasing himself in front of a mirror on the eurostar on x tube oh wonderful wow yeah 1014 views of that some of our videos have had less views than that. We don't do any wanking. We should have had more wanking in them. In fact, our Luxembourg video where we're actually on the car train from England to France,

none of us thought to do any sexual activity because we're all in a car with each other. I was wanking. That's really cool. It's a really long journey. Well, I was knitting a yellow kangaroo. Nima, you raise an interesting point. Obviously, I was there.

So take me out of the picture, but if you two as a couple had been in the Channel Tunnel, would you even consider it for a minute? It's just not a sexy environment, that car train. It's horrible. I think the only circumstance would be if the windows were completely opaque. I think it's just not a very sexual environment, though. It's very dark, but not in a sexy way.

It's like cross-channel ferries as well. They're not sexy either. What I find weird is that people always insist that these things are called clubs mile high club i mean it's quite an anarchic thing to do isn't it you'd think the kind of person who does it wouldn't want to be part of a club they're doing it to be different they think in their minds and there's no proper club organization there's no secretary there are no minutes there's no memberships there's no agm it's not even a badge there's no end of year party don't get get a free file of fax. Don't get a discount on future fucking. Well, it does get shorter.

It does not match the Wagamama Club, and I think we all know that that's the truth. If you've got a question, then email your question to answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this Podcast at googlemail.com

Answer me this Podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this Podcast at googlemail.com So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car.

On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Time for a toothsome question from Liz in Leicester. Leicester, of course, is where they've just recently discovered the corpse of Richard III yes is it definitely him well it's got a crooked spine and it's got an arrowhead in the back of it so it's it's pointing that way it could be anybody they're saying they need to send the bones away to do a DNA test we all know from the Jeremy Kyle show DNA tests only take 25 minutes

for some reason this is gonna take it's gonna take weeks anyway uh this is all by the by because uh liz's question is nothing to do with dead royalty oh i can't believe you misdirected me so extremely uh she says i have a 16 month old son who is teething oh that's a tedious process oh they make a fuss oh it hurts oh the hormones for years several of my friend's children have recently lost teeth so there's been lots of discussions about the tooth fairy and how much is the going rate for the tooth fairy. For a 16 month old child? They don't understand the concept of money. Give them a little

fluffy toy or something. You can punch out his teeth when they're that age. He's not going to remember. What difference has it made? The 16 month old is growing the teeth. You don't really start losing your tooth until you're about five. Yeah, you've got a long time to think about this question. Maybe Liz is thinking, should I enact this lie

upon my innocent son as I was lied to by my parents? It's like the Santa thing. Careful what you say, Helen. Remember, there's kids listening. That man in whom I believe, would I tell my children that he exists?

About his incredible greatness? Or would you rather keep it to yourself? It's an interesting dilemma, Helen, but it's not the one Liz asks us about. It's not the one interesting dilemma, Helen, but it's not the one Liz asks us about. It's not the one. It's close, but it's not the one. Helen, answer me this. When did parents start paying for our children's teeth

in the guise of a tooth fairy, and why did they start doing this? What's the reason for the tooth fairy? It's a consolation prize, isn't it, to get over the pain? Well, I think more broadly than that, it's sort of a way of coming to terms with loss, isn't it? Yep. Like having a pet is getting used to your first death you know something dies falls out your mouth like

how do you make that sweet for a child you know you turn it into cash also in a weird sort of way that the fact that there's a fairy that looks after your teeth it gives you a sense of continuity doesn't it it's not like it's an unnatural frightening thing that's happening to your body it's part of the magic. Fairies are terrifying I've seen true blood series four they're horrible. No I agree because I think in some ways it is scarier to say. I mean, an albeit benign fairy, but nonetheless. Oh, yeah, a supernatural being's going to come into your bedroom at night and rob you. And pay you off like a two-penny slut.

Is that all you got from the tooth fairy, two pennies? No, I had a sliding scale as I got older. Did you not? Did you always get the same amount? I think just 20p, except for the time when I made a tooth fairy proof envelope by covering the entire envelope with sellotape. In which case I got nothing.

Oh yeah, well, that served you right. Yeah, I know that now. I think I got less than 20p to begin with, but I think it went up. I think it went up from like 10p all the way up to possibly even a fiver by the time I was like 10. Was it based on the size and weight of tooth? I suppose in a way it may have been. That is fairy economics.

Apparently the Vikings used to give children a tooth fee. So it's a very old custom giving your child money in return for their teeth. Wouldn't that be money that they stole from another nation? Oh, still bitter, are you? Tooth fairy didn't come into it until about the early 20th century. But for hundreds or possibly even thousands of years um there was ritual associated with disposing teeth because they thought that um if a witch got hold of your tooth she could do essentially voodoo with it i bet she could as well hair clippings and stuff there's historical documents that witches or people that

you know were thought to be witches actually did use teeth yeah they would put a curse on you if they got hold of one of your teeth. So people used to burn the teeth or bury them to make sure they were safely disposed of. So there's probably quite a lot of mystique attached to the loss and the subsequent disposal of the tooth. Well, I guess because adults' teeth would have been falling out all the time as well, wouldn't they? Oh, God, yeah. If they were in a proper dentistry. What about the time you're 20? So it wouldn't be unusual to see lots of teeth.

In quite a lot of countries, it was a mouse, and still is a mouse, instead of a fairy, because they used to feed the teeth to mice, in some cases to dispose of them. Do mice really eat teeth? More to the point, does the mouse then shit out a shekel in response? That's what I find bizarre. They fed it to a mouse because they thought if a mouse eats it,

the child will have lovely sharp teeth like a mouse. Really? That's not really like human teeth, is it? It's quite creepy. I was never really traumatized by losing a tooth maybe because of well you were when your teeth got knocked out by the seesaw yes well those were adult teeth but the thing i was traumatized by was getting pubes really yeah when i was like 12 and i looked at boys in the changing room who developed faster than me i actually thought oh my because when you're that age and you haven't got the hormones haven't kicked in yet it actually terrifies you the idea that you're going to become a man and i just if

there'd have been a pubes fairy i'd have been all over that that's the most grotesque you know what do you have plucked out your pubes and left them under your pillow well just maybe i don't know i guess you wouldn't take them out maybe it would be the pubes fairy sewing the pubes in and giving you money for when they arrive that's really boshian what about if the pubes in, and giving you money for when they arrive. That's really boshy. What about if the pubes fairy brought you pubes and took your money? Would you have been into that? Oh, I see. Pay for pubes. Leave 20p under the pillow and the next 20 will serve. No, no, no, no, I wouldn't.

Pubes for pence. That's the scheme. That's the government scheme. Test those two vouchers. No, I wouldn't, because I was scared of the idea of getting pubes. I'd need the cash incentive, is what I'm saying. Oh, really? I wouldn't want to pay for pubes. You're scared of pubes. I'd pay to not have pubes.

If there was some way that the pub fairy could work that in. You can go and get them waxed now for money. Yes, yes. But I assume they don't see adolescent 14-year-old boys in those places, do they? I don't know. They probably see all sorts of things. They're just probably blasé about everything. They spend all of their days staring up someone's gusset.

Helen? Oliver? Though life is full of questions, there are answers you must know. One. No, it will not fall off, but moderation in all things too. Yes, there probably is, but we won't find out in our lifetimes. Three, most people prefer colliery, but my personal favourite is Dalton. Four, if you try and slip a one, it would ruin your friendship. Yes.

Hey, I just met you. No you didn't, You met me in 2000. And this is crazy. I want you to call me maybe on this number. 0-2-0-8-1-2-3-5-8-double-7 You can also Skype answer me this, but I did not notice Carly Rae Jepsen emphasising the magnificent free Skype service in her song.

Maybe in the follow-up single that is bound not to be very big at all. Let's see who's been calling us definitely. Hello, it's Neil Murdoch here from Crawley in West Sussex. Last year I had a cerebrovascular accident, which is commonly known as a stroke. And answer me this, why are these called strokes? Because stroke sounds like a nice thing. And what I had certainly wasn't. If you don't know what the word means, like spasm sounds kind of fun.

Like chasm. Yeah, or a hemorrhage. No, that doesn't sound fun. This isn't spasm in Jewish language. Ben, you heard a spasm. Ebola. That sounds like tombola. This is it. Hemorrhage? No, that doesn't sound fun. Isn't spasm your Jewish name? Ben Yehuda spasm. Ebola. That sounds like tombola.

This is it. If you don't know what the words mean, they can have a certain resonance. It's more like a horrible stomach tombola that will kill you. Anyway, the reason why strokes are called stroke is because they didn't understand what caused them for a very long time, so they thought you'd been struck down by God.

Wow, that's really interesting. And originally they were called apoplexy, which is just the ancient Greek for being struck down. But, I mean, before medicine developed they didn't really know what anything was, so why wasn't everything called a stroke? Brain biology must have been one of the last things to be understood. It still is being understood.

In such a way as, you know, heart attack, you could maybe figure that out. I think in this particular case it's because strokes are very sudden, and because they affect your face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And because God is such a prick that it's exactly the kind of thing he would do, if you judge by the Old Testament standards, at least.

Okay, good. I like that. I mean, not strokes, but I like the explanation. I do quite like these strokes. But not your stroke, Neil, and we hope you're much better now. Yes. Here's another question about why is a thing called a thing. It's from Chris in Manchester. You make our format seem so shallow. Here's another question about something which has not been solved in the mind of our listener. It's from Chris in Manchester.

He says, Ollie, answer me this. A friend once told me that Tom and Jerry from the cartoon got their names from the nicknames of the British and the German troops, Tommies and Jerrys, in the World Wars. I can see how this works on one level as they're always fighting. We're not fighting them at the moment. from the nicknames of the british and the german troops tommies and jerrys in the world wars i can see how this works on one level as they're always fighting we're not fighting them at the moment oh he means the cat he means the cat the mouse but in the cartoon jerry always wins which doesn't seem right so ollie answer me this is this true or is my friend making this up well the tommies only won after a protracted campaign chris i mean mean, the Jerrys won many nights during the horrors of the London Blitz.

You need to remember that. As far as I can tell, Tom actually came from Tomcat. Simple as that. Yeah. So it's like a very basic name to call a cat character, you know, like you would call... A dog Fido or Rex or something. Precisely like that. So really, I think in truth, that's where it came from.

But then I suspect the Jerry bit did come from the fact that we had Tommies and Jerrys. And although Hanna-Barbara never actually said that's what it came from but then i suspect the jerry bit did come right from the fact that we had tommies and jerrys and although hannah barbara never actually said that's what it came from you have to realize that the first cartoon went to cinemas in 1940 so i think that joke would have been very very clear to the grown-ups in the audience uh i don't think you're supposed to interpret any more into it than that it's a tomcat and so he's fighting the jerry and who is mrs shins in this analogy oh mammy two shoes is that her real name that's her real name yeah mammy two shows is really interesting yeah she's the woman who lives in the house you just yeah and she's she goes thomas thomas basically she's a big black

caricature house yeah yeah and there was a lot of controversy about her obviously after the war when people were getting a bit more politically correct and the civil rights movement was happening people were like this is a black caricature and she uses sort of um i guess what was perceived to be stereotypical slang and this kind of thing and she had stereotypical slippers on but what they did in the 60s to correct this i find this astonishing they replaced her with a white woman that's what they did because now if that happened and indeed now when they show the old tom and jerry cartoons they keep the black legs in but they've redubbed the voice so she's not such a stereotype oh really um and i think that's what would happen now even if you created the character but but to actually replace her with a white woman is extraordinary isn't it amazing i think uh chris's

logic that um because they're tommy's and and the Jerry's and you wouldn't want the Jerry's to win but Jerry the mouse usually wins against Tom the cat. I find that very bizarre. I don't see why there needs to be consistency in this name. It's like saying that salt and pepper don't rap about condiments. It's not relevant because it's not supposed to be taken

as an analogy. It's a playful name on what was a very difficult period of history. The cat has to be called Tom because that's a classic cat name but you have to support the underdog incidentally tom he's a blue short hair blue not real though if you look at a picture of a blue short hair it's actually gray whereas tom is literally blue well he probably got caught in a certain light again we meet another example of cartoons playing fast and loose with the literal truth. Well, I don't know. Everything else about it, Helen, is stunningly realistic,

from the cartoon hammers through to the Acme bombs. His very well-lit mouse hole. Okay, pop quiz. Yeah. Hot shots. What famous 1960s duo started life as Tom and Jerry? I know this. I know this.

So ask Helen, because I know, because I looked on Tom and Jerry articles on the web. I did not have such fun. What famous duo? Yeah. Was it... Musicians. Simon and Garfunkel? Yes, Simon and Garfunkel.

Good knowledge. I didn't know that. I just thought, who would Martin know this about that was a duo in the 60s? Yeah, I see what you mean. That is weird, isn't it? Because the cartoon had been

very well received by then. Been out for 20 years, won six Academy Awards. I think it was a, yeah was a different reference to that. So why would you... I mean, you wouldn't now call your band The Simpsons, would you? Think about it. Well, actually, I wouldn't, because it wouldn't have Google juice.

Exactly, yeah. I'm not an idiot. I suppose, yeah, Simon and Garfunkel didn't care about the juice. Didn't have that problem. In fact, they were going for a different market, really, than the core Tom and Jerry fan market. But then why call yourself it? Because they like it, maybe.

They maybe thought it was ticklish. I think they were going for a name that was kind of amusing and then they realised that actually you know what we don't really write amusing songs

this is a bad choice of name. Maybe they thought this is going to bring the house down at the folk clubs and then they realised that folkies did not like to laugh.

I don't know if you know but Elliot Smith was originally called Barney Rubble. Yo yo one love the best thing about tennis is the a women's tennis a women's tennis was originally called Barney Rubble. Yo, yo, one love. The best thing about tennis is the... A women's tennis. A women's tennis.

Hearing those ladies all going... It makes me go... In my pants. Answer Me This Sports Day, out now at answermethispodcast.com slash albums. Here's a question from Philip from Stuttgart in Germany, who says, I recently decided to go back

to university to pursue a master's degree i was not looking forward to the hell of looking for a reasonably priced room or flat in a crowded university town so i was very excited when the quotes flat share i went to look at turned out to be a giant five-bedroom penthouse apartment complete with two jacuzzi baths a pog and pole kitchen and a massive roof terrace with black forest views living there was one guy think cool but eloquent goes to med school but plays in a rock band and three incredibly hot girls is this real yeah this is like the bt advert oh don't even that's not like the bt advert this is like the carling advert martin no it is like the b BT advert It's exactly like that

And I know we've dissed the previous generation of BT adverts And we were so delighted when they finally got rid of Chris Marshall But now they've replaced it with this even more cunty children Absolutely intolerable You know what hot girls love? Rooters Philip continues Everyone there in the flat seemed very nice and relaxed

The room was big Had a nice view Of the Black Forest And was very reasonably priced, as it belonged to the guy's parents, and they were planning to move in there at some point, but are leaving it to their son in the meantime, asking for a very reasonable rent from his flatmates.

They called me half an hour later, offering me the room, and I took it. What is the problem, then? Well... Ideal situation happens. You might think so, Helen, but sometimes... You know, the grass is always greener, even if you live in the biggest grass in the world. And then it turned

out it was some kind of organ harvesting house. That's kind of what he's getting at. Yeah, it sounds like the beginning of a horror film, doesn't it? I can't stop thinking, he says, this has got to be too good to be true. My theories include some kind of scam, organ harvesting, a porn set, Could be, three hot girls! A reality

show, or something crazy about that guy's parents he doesn't specify there maybe they've lost a son in tragic circumstances and they've been trying to recruit a new one oh that's good hmm helen answer me this am i being paranoid well obviously yes or is this actually too good to be true both yes i think that's right yeah too good to be true used to be the name of some diet ice cream that was definitely not too good to be true both yes i think that's right yeah too good to be true used to be the name of some diet ice cream that was definitely not too good to be true no but it was uh adequate to be um to be not false yeah the thing is though it was probably too bad for you to be a diet food and not good enough to be as satisfying as real ice cream yeah well this is often the case with diet food isn't it it's low fat but what have they put in instead you know more salt more sugar

yeah you still might get fat from it. That's the reality. That's what they should have called it. Yeah. This is what you're getting. If this were a porn set, as you suggest, Philip. You don't have to take part.

You'd have to sign a release form, really, before they could use your footage. Well, this is it. I think they'd tell you that in advance. I think when they were showing you around the flat, they might have... Asked you whether you could get it up

at will all the time. How often can you spunk? they might have um asked you whether you could get it up at will all the time how often can you spunk and might have had to explain a lot of awkwardly placed cameras and also was there a glass floor with a camera under it oh that's just my parents style phil worry not your pretty head about it and spread them and also i think although porn stars may not get paid very well in this freemium globalised digital economy, nonetheless, they probably wouldn't make you pay rent to live there, I think. And no pimp has done that. So I think that would be quite surprising if they were asking you to pay even a minimum amount to live there to be in porn. And reality TV shows tend to keep the accommodation quite cramped in order to ratchet up interpersonal tensions.

That's right, yeah. So I don't think this spacious dream house is really going to fit the bill i'm sure i saw a horror film once my little eye yes where it's got i think five residents of a remote house and the deal is they have to stay in the house for something like six months that's right in order to win the prize on the reality tv show uh-huh then everything goes wrong and i don't even know whether there is a TV show at all or it's a crazy scheme. Crazy high concept games in real life very often do go wrong. There was a competition I was reading about called Hold Your Wii for a Wii. Did you hear about that? Wouldn't people die?

Someone did. God. It was either in the States or Canada, I can't remember which. And they did a radio thing where you had to hold your Wii for like 24 hours to win a Wii. Wow. And this woman died. Wouldn't your kidney implode or something? Something like that, yeah. It's not worth it to play Super Mario Kart,

is it? Well, Phil, I think we've learnt that whether it's a horror film or some bizarre weeing competition, as soon as the first person dies, then leave. Yes. But as it stands, take advantage of this situation because maybe sometimes the universe just hands you a present.

Glenn from Yorkshire. Why is a digestive biscuit called a digestive? Does it aid digestion or something? The early recipes contained a lot of bicarbonate of soda which was considered a digestive aid as it's an antacid. Yes. And also it was advertised as a health food for

the people who had weak constitutions because it was easy for them to digest it because it's basically sugar and refined flour. Yeah, that's often what it comes down to, doesn't it? When you see sort of, I wouldn't call a digestive a junk food, but when you see foods that aren't healthy being marketed as healthy it comes from a time when people

didn't have so much sugar in their diet. Yeah it was a small sugar rush like people used to drink coke to sell their stomachs and all this because they weren't massive lard arses drinking cokes with every value meal they were buying three times a day a sugary treat can be part of a balanced diet can be quite healthy can't it well the problem for me with digestive if it was genuinely healthy i wouldn't mind them as much but the fact is it's not healthy and it gives me no pleasure. Yeah, well, I'm sorry. I just think you're... Well, not wrong. You're entitled to your opinion. I think your pleasure centre's askew with Holly. That's what I think. Well, I'm not alone,

Helen, because here's a factoid from the McVitie's website. Can't wait. Every second, 52 digestive biscuits are consumed in the UK. Well, that's not surprising, because the ageing population of the UK is one of the largest sectors of the population now. I presume that statistic is averaged out across the day,

because I can't believe at four in the morning, even with all the boarding school soggy biscuit competitions, there are enough digestives being consumed. You've raised an interesting point. Have I? Have I really? Is the digestive the biscuit of choice in the soggy biscuit game? I think so, because we all know it goes soggy when dunked in a cup of tea but it nonetheless has the structure and it's cheap

i think the thing about soggy biscuit is it's a game that involves quite a lot of preparation really and quite a lot of difficult conversations uh but you don't want it to look as if you've put loads of effort into sourcing the biscuit you want it to look casual right what you need is to get maybe a family choice box where they've got the ten different types of dry-ish biscuit and then you can choose one on the night. Here's a question from Tom from Northamptonshire about his mother. He says, My mother has recently started a business.

Buy a soggy biscuit. To boarding schools. No. His mother's business is called handyherbs.co.uk Handy hyphen herbs. Yeah, but you don't write hyphen, you put the hyphen between the Y and the H. We don't want to direct people to the wrong URL and for them to scoop all of Tom's mother's business. I think that's right.

Anyway, what can you buy from handy hyphen herbs.co.uk? She sells candles, incense and other herb related items but not herbs uh mostly kind of herbal teas and stuff like that i wonder if it's all a bit of a cover for another kind of herb oh and and if it is tom's mum you've had your plug handy hyphen herbs.co.uk i'll have a pipe full of rosemary please if you know what i mean he continues uh i told her it can't possibly be wise to start a business with the current state of the economy not with that attitude um but apparently she heard on the news that it is oh it must be true because the news readers look so authoritative uh so helen answer me this is

she crazy or is she right to start a business in a recession i don't know why you're asking me because i earned even in the boom years far far far far less than the national average salary but i suppose the advantage you have in a recession is that maybe your overheads are less high that's right perhaps shop fronts are less large people are willing to do work for you for much less money or even for free and actually your customers also are looking to possibly change suppliers so if you can undercut them, if you can do cheaper herbs... The other handy herbalists have gone out of business. Yeah, or, you know, everyone's always looking for a bargain in a recession, aren't they? This is why it's coincided with the stratospheric success of the voucher websites and stuff.

Right. I wouldn't encourage her to plough all of her capital into the business, but it's worth a punt for, say, a year or two. Well, the advantage here is that the stock is not expensive to buy tea leaves uh there's a big markup on it storage you know you don't need a lot of space to keep it in either so presumably this is being run essentially from your house so all she's paid for really is the domain name and a bit of web design and i bet handy hyphen herbs.co.uk is not as expensive as handyherbs.com i think that's probably right

they're cutting corners. How much will that cost you in the future? So I think this is a reasonable start into a reasonable tiptoe way to test the water. Yeah, you're right. And actually, so yeah, I think she's chosen a reasonable business. If she's out of work and needs a job, then she's created a job for herself and it might work. But I do think we are probably the wrong people to ask because we make money by begging people like you listeners to buy our old episodes and albums

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