Answer Me This! - AMT231: Pringles, Baby Showers and Special K

Episode Date: October 4, 2012

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How much is a chunk of Beeper's Pukeworth on eBay? Has to be this, has to be this Why don't men still visit in the night to bring me milk tray? Has to be this, has to be this Helen and Ollie, has to be this Now, last week we asked you for your tales of your most memorable birthdays. Amusingly, the ones we have had in this bit of lighthearted feedback we like to do at the top of the show all revolve around death.

This is a corker. It's from Valerie from Austin in Texas who says, I woke up early, excited for my birthday, and found my dog dead in the living room. That's real National Lampoon stuff. How old were you? Did your parents pretend the dog was still alive so as not to ruin your birthday?

Well, she was still at school because she says, this one is especially memorable because my birthday falls on Christmas break from school. And when we got back to school, the teacher asked us to draw something from our vacation. Oh, good. I decided to draw this experience. And those pictures and descriptions were hung up for parents' day. All the other pictures were of building snowmen. Death was slightly further away for Catherine in Newcastle,

who says on her 18th birthday, Michael Jackson died. Oh. And my grandad pissed his pants in a restaurant, both of which brought me close to tears. Goodness. That would be memorable. Maybe he was just crying for Michael Jackson

from every orifice. Also last week, we talked about matters of sharing a bedroom. An anonymous girl has been in touch to say, I recently started living with my fiancé. According to my fiancé, I have an issue with snoring. Oh, good. I like it when girls can talk openly about having snoring issues.

Well, it's not open because she hid her own name. She's chosen to be anonymous. Since he is the lightest sleeper on the entire planet, I've had to start sleeping in the spare bedroom so he won't be tired at work. He insists that I only think it's weird because Hollywood and pop culture have convinced me that it is. So Ollie answered me this. Is it weird for a couple to be sleeping in separate beds,

nay, separate rooms, if it's like this now when she's only just moved in? It's not going to get better unless she fixes it now. I mean, it's not like they're going to reach 10 years married and suddenly move in together, are they? Unless they have to get a smaller place with only one bedroom yeah then they'll probably make you sleep outside for the health of the relationship you need to show your partner that you're taking steps to stop snoring and your partner needs to show that he's learning to tolerate it move back into the bedroom yeah otherwise why do you bother moving in in the first

place so you could share a kitchen actually in lots of cultures people do just have separate beds the whole way through the marriage. Yeah, and about once a year in women's magazines, there'll be an article going, oh, separate bedrooms is amazing. They always say that about Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter, having their lifestyles in separate houses. No one else can afford that. And also, those people are both crazy.

Exactly. But I think you're missing out a bit, aren't you? Can't imagine what you mean Helen I suppose it's an intimacy thing falling asleep and waking up together yeah although I think in Europe it's very common in mainland Europe I mean for even married couples to have two

single beds pushed together worst of both worlds it's not the same as a double bed one of you can fall down the crevice in the middle exactly one of you not can will one of you will fall down the crevice on the middle exactly one of you not can will one of you will fall down the crevice on a nightly basis where's the fun in that survival of the fittest back in the day though when um yeah very conservative couples did have separate beds

actually how did the mechanics work like when you wanted to have sex for the purposes of procreation obviously and for no other reason where did you do it did you just do it in a single bed the man would uh form a bridge across the gap between the twin beds And the woman would sort of straddle him over the chasm between the beds So it's actually quite racy How did you have a threesome back in the day? I suppose you'd have to have one person standing either side Basic sandwich

You'd have to bring in a camp bed And in whose bedside table did they keep the fluffy handcuffs? These are the questions I'm always asking when I watch I Love Lucy. Hi! This is Alex and Alex from Aberdeen. We're kind of drunk right now, and I'm dressed like Thor from The Avengers and Thor. And we just got turned away from a casino

because I'm dressed like a superhero with a giant hammer. We want to know why casinos have dress codes at two o'clock in the morning when you're obviously so drunk that you're going to gamble away shit heaps of money and spend even more money on alcohol. I'd imagine that casinos don't allow obvious weaponry in and he's got a giant hammer. Yeah, but he's obviously got a joke giant hammer, hasn't he? Maybe he thinks it's a joke, but maybe it's not obvious to the bouncer that it is a joke. But anyway, the whole point of a dress code is that it's kind of a case-by-case basis excuse

for the bouncer to say you can't come in. I bet if you were from, you know, the Arctic Monkeys or whatever the kids listen to these days... You could come in wearing the fancy dress costume of your choice. You know how bars aren't supposed to serve, obviously, very drunk people? Is there some rule for casinos that you can't let very drunk people gamble? Or you can't let people who are bad at maths gamble? Well, it's one of those things. But there is a rule about gambling addicts, yeah.

I don't know how they judge that. But, you know, if someone has an obvious problem, if they're literally in the process of mortgaging their house in the casino then you're supposed to take an ethical decision if they're shoving poker chips into their veins but it's all quite um self-regulation so i don't know how it must also depend upon the sorts of clientele and atmosphere the casino is hoping to cultivate although you know i've been to vegas and i'd like some of those casinos to have dress codes And they don't I mean, you've got people walking around in tracksuits

That actually ruins it The Rat Pack wouldn't wear a tracksuit Exactly Maybe a polo shirt whilst playing golf But even then Yeah I think it would probably have spats with it or something They even had bow ties on when they were standing on the street

Watching the nuclear tests in the distance I had a dress code related nightmare this week, Helen It was my friend Nick's fiancée Lucy. It was her 30th. And he was on holiday and forgot to invite us. And then just texted me and said, oh, by the way, it's Lucy's 30th on Saturday. Do you want to come along?

What it is to be loved. And we were like, OK, sure, yeah, we'd love to come along. Both myself and my girlfriend went to work on Saturday thinking afterwards we'll drop by this bar in Clerkenwell and go to to the party and then he sends me an email at 2 p.m saying oh here's the invitation sorry meant to send it to you last week and it's a 1920s themed party what you can't even wear your napoleon coat that you bought from the costume shop to that and then i'm in a dilemma because i think okay my girlfriend doesn't know that it's a theme party i know that if i call her and tell her that it's a themed party and she i know she's gone to work wearing an army jacket

in the 20s and i was like okay i know that if i tell her it's a theme party she's gonna say right well i'm not going right i'm not going and i want to go i want to go to the party so then i'm like well do i tell her there's a theme or not what do? Well, you go to the shop and buy her a flapper dress. Yeah, well, my mum suggested, oh, I've got a 20s dress. And then brought out this really heavy, like sparkly thing that probably costs like 300 quid. And I was like, I can't give that to her because it's not going to fit her and it'll be the wrong size. And then they brought out one of those schmutzers you put in your hair, you know, with the feather coming out of it. And they were like, oh, just wear that.

She's like, I can't, she can't wear that with an army jacket and jeans. This isn't going to work. So I had to tell her. And what did she say was she livid actually what she said was well let's not make any effort at all because to make a half effort is crap go big or go home exactly you could have come as the 2020s because probably people will still be wearing roughly the same kind of clothes in eight years that would have been a good response actually i didn't think of that always think laterally yeah because we're so ahead of the curve we're the 2020s so we went and it was

kind of embarrassing because also the the invitation said dress code a hint of 20s glamour so i thought well okay maybe people will just be wearing like a scarf or something people were wearing full-on 20s like it looked like dick tracy and kind of hint is that yeah exactly if you gave someone that level of a hint about what you're getting them for their birthday present they'll be very disappointed to know yeah if anything i think we have a hint of 20s glamour just by being there yeah everywhere you go is like a speakeasy we're kind of like the modern day bentley boys me and my girlfriend yeah couldn't your dad have just lent you one of his vintage bentleys you could have rocked up in that that would have been cool actually

yeah i didn't think of that but you would have had to wear it for the entire party yeah and not drink all night because i'd be driving a 90 year old car home Yeah, but they all live very racially then Yeah, car crash on the A41, a hint of 20s glamour. I've got a question Email your question To answer me this podcast at googlemail.com

To answer me this podcast at googlemail.com To answer me, there's podcast at googlemail.com To answer me, there's podcast at googlemail.com To answer me, there's podcast at googlemail.com So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car.

On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Verily, it is a question from Verity. She says... Bet she gets that all the time. Yeah, I bet she does.

Oh, the Verily jokes must make being Verity in the playground tough as. Helen, answer me this. Please, polite this Verity. I'd expect someone called Verity to be polite. Tough as. Helen, answer me this. Please. Polite, this Verity. I'd expect someone called Verity to be polite. I don't know why. In a couple of weeks, I'm obliged to attend a very dear friend's baby shower. Yes, I want to make that cynical noise too, Helen, but I'm not sure why. Perhaps that's the very reaction we'll be examining over the course of this question and answer.

She continues. It's being organised by the mum-to-be's sister-in-law, who is rather comfortably off, shall we say. She's got a nice armchair, has she? We've just been provided with a short list of desirable gifts. I want to make that noise again. Some of which are over the £40 mark, which I know a few of the attendees will happily be able to afford, but seems

to me and my buddies to be a little OTT. Not to mention competitive friend-ish. And by the time the child's born, this woman will be so tired and harried that she won't even care. Everything will be covered in puke. Doesn't matter whether it costs £40 or £4. She says also, this Verity, that maybe it's inappropriate to buy gifts preemptively. That's a very Jewish attitude, isn't it? Because Jews are very superstitious about an unborn child and they don't like to buy gifts or even set up a nursery until the child is out.

I didn't know that was a Jewish thing, but I'm instinctively nervous about buying birthday presents with more than... In case people die. In case people die, yeah. Wow. You know, you see something that's perfect for them, I wouldn't buy it and keep it in the cupboard.

I wouldn't because I'm just not Well organised enough I'm superstitious about Becoming that level of adult Plus says Verity We're bloody well British I bloody bet you are And the whole Wanky baby shower tradition

Is yanktastic Yeah So Helen asked me this Do I buy The unaffordable prezzy Which I know The preggers pal

Won't expect Just to keep up With the rich city folk No because that's Obviously not expect just to keep up with the rich city folk. No, because that's obviously not your priority to keep up with the rich city twats. If the friend isn't even expecting it, then what's the point? Or do I just go to Primark and suffer the snooty mess?

Or you could get a present, not for the baby, because the baby will be well provided for by these dreadful sounding women, but get a present for your friend. For the parents, yeah. Get her a massage or something, because it sounds like the latter stages of pregnancy are unbelievably uncomfortable

yes or pedicure or some shit like that that apparently heavily pregnant women enjoy because they can't see their feet anymore and i think when it comes to things like baby clothes um quantity is probably more useful than quality because they shit through about 10 outfits every day i'm actually surprised that i've never been to a baby shower so i don't know how it works and of course why on earth would i look this up i'm not interested but i always assumed that actually the presents were kind of for the parents not for the baby is the tradition that you actually go with things for the baby that hasn't been born well i don't know because i've not been to one either i was invited to one for my sister-in-law miranda organized by her other sister-in-law shona and miranda clearly didn't really want to have a baby shower and I thought she's going to get out of this somehow

and she did by giving birth early. Because Miranda said baby showers are dreadful and you have to play games like they put a mashed up chocolate bar in a nappy and you have to guess what it is. That's awful. Don't go to this party, Verity. It's going to be terrible.

Sounds really scatty. But also when you're pregnant, you just don't want fun, do you? Don't you just want to be at home with your feet up watching Morse? Isn't that it? That's what I want all the time. The last thing you want

is people around at your house giving you presents for an unborn child, surely. Again, all these things are things that suit me well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not getting presents for an unborn child

watching Morse putting my feet up. What can you buy for £7.99 on iTunes that seems worth it Kesha's new LP Churchill's biography or an app

that does jack shit for the same sum you can get all the fun of five hours of our old stuff we're selling the first three years

of Answer Me This in iTunes most of it is good just a little bit is guff. Go to answermethispodcast.com slash classic and click the link. And with your money we'll swaddle ourselves in nothing

but the finest mink. Finest mink and gold shoes and diamond hats but normal pants. Right, well it's that time of the show where we stop the recording for a second, Martin gets a beer out of the fridge and Helen recalls an Ace of Base song from 20 years ago

that I'd completely forgotten about. And Martin changed the light bulb. All go. The magic behind the scenes here at AMT Towers. What did you get done in that 30-second jingle break, listeners? Nothing!

But then we press record again and we tell you that it's time we take one of your questions from our question line, the number for which is... 0208 123 58 007 it's time we take one of your questions from our question line the number for which is and usually i would also tell you to skype answer me this but we discovered that we have not actually been receiving any skype messages since july so basically if you called us since july we've got the calls but if you skyped us nothing we haven we've got the calls. We've got that, but not. But if you Skyped us. Nothing. We haven't got it, sorry. And I've spent the last two weeks trying to fix this problem, listeners. Doing things with XML and other things that I don't understand.

All they keep doing is saying, try turning it off and on again. That classic, classic technical engineering term. And here is a call that did make it through. No thanks to Skype. It's Emily from Exeter. Hello, Molly. Answer me this. I've just started moving up to full time in an office that a lot of people use. And so I started making use of the tea room and I put my soy milk in the fridge. Now, I saw lots of post-it notes in this fridge saying such things as, stop taking my sugar cubes and you've drank my tea you heathens and I thought how ridiculous I don't begrudge anyone a tea bag but then I found out that people have been drinking my soya milk now that shit's quite expensive and it riled me a bit and so I kind of want to get my own back but I refuse to be one of those idiot people that makes a sign to put in the kitchen

about cleaning fairies and how dare you leave a teaspoon out. So, Helen and Ollie, would it be wrong to load my soya milk carton up with laxatives to diarrhea out the culprits? If you do that, what are you going to put in your tea?

Are you going to have the laxative milk? Or are you going to buy a fridge, secrete it somewhere in the office in disguise, make it look like a shredder or something, and keep your unadulterated soy milk? Just do what the office does. What you've done is you've come to this environment and you've said, oh, everyone's being really juvenile and immature, and I don't understand why they're putting labels on things saying it's theirs. But now you effectively want to do that, but through a different...

Exactly. Basically, you hate your own instinct to do this yes you started with this position against people who do a thing and now you hate the element of yourself that wants to do that thing but you know that the most sensible thing really to do would be to label your milk and say actually this is soy milk it's for me i don't think it's a good idea to put laxative in it because i just don't think it's going to put people off using your milk so you're still effectively going to be buying soy milk and laxatives for an indefinite amount of time you mean they won't trace yeah the shits to the milk they'll think well it's probably not the soy milk i mean what's in soy milk that's going to give me the raging blarts yeah also laxative in a work-based environment even if it's not affecting you directly you are a secondary source and also you may be sharing a lavatory with the victims exactly you're making things less pleasant

for yourself as much as anything else just train yourself not to take milk get rid of the problem entirely through avoidance i actually think you're complicating the issue as well though emily by the fact that you're having soya milk that you're introducing what is in a in a budget category a luxury product um because someone who doesn't care whether they're drinking soya milk that you're introducing what is in a in a budget category a luxury product because someone who doesn't care whether they're drinking soya milk or cow milk is just going to think oh there's some milk and that's kind of your fault i mean you're choosing i appreciate maybe for health reasons or allergies or whatever but you are choosing to have that luxury product rather than no milk maybe send out a breezy email that everyone really knew is passive-aggressive, saying,

I see that everyone's been enjoying my soy milk. If you let me know if you'd like soy milk, maybe we can club together and make sure there's always a supply of soy milk in the fridge. Yeah, that's good, yeah. Guys, hey vegans, guys. Hi, Helen and Ollie, it's Hermione from Straven. Please, answer me this. Why are butterflies called butterflies? It just doesn't make any sense.

Well, I read one great suggestion, which really doesn't make any sense, Amani, as you said, which is that they thought butterflies were tiny little winged witches that used to steal the butter. But where does the witches come in the etymology of butterfly? It's a fly that is attracted to butter. It's a butterfly. The witches aren't in the word.

No, so that's still word the witches are behind the word so what I'm saying is there's still something in that is there not well they're a bit unclear but the most compelling explanation I've read is that the butterfly's excrement

is somewhat the colour of butter oh nice what a lovely way to put it but actually babies kind of do have poo the colour of butter they do

until you start feeding them normal food rather than just milk yeah or that kind of Norwegian brown cheese that's the colour it is I'll tell you what's uh ghosts yeah ghost babies no and their poos their ghost poos drawers full of dead butterflies when you see that you know when people collect dead butterflies well

that's creepy when you put it in the context the fact that virtually all clothes aimed at tiny female children are covered in butterflies yes i mean are they trying to make them into entomologists i just don't know. I analysed, why does this freak me out? If you think about it, you're never surrounded by a thousand dead corpses of anything in your day-to-day life. Well, maybe if you're in a cemetery. They're not on display, are they, like that? Hair lice.

The point is, if it was a thousand dead crows in a drawer, that would be creepier. That would definitely stop people stealing your soy milk, though. Hello, I'm Wombles and Katie Mellower creator Mike Bat, and if I don't meet up with Zoe Ball and Wicket the Ewok every week to listen to Answer Me This, well, it's just not cricket. Here's a question from Jennifer in Cheshire, who says, Ollie, answer me this.

Who wore Queen Victoria down the aisle? Her father was dead. She didn't have many male relations. And she was the queen. And Queen Victoria had to propose. So really,

no one was giving her away. She had to propose to Prince Albert. Yeah. I didn't know that, I suppose, because she's queen of the biggest empire

the world has ever seen. That's royal protocol. Yeah, so she's not going to sit around going, oh, will he ask me today? Yeah, exactly exactly do you think she would have uh had the uh technology existed at the time done a novelty youtube proposal video yeah doing a lip dub of i got a feeling all the way down the mouth um the answer to the question is that no one gave queen victoria

away for exactly the reasons that jennifer and cheshire points out no one needs to no one gave me away martin and i walked in together yeah well that was that was different though because that was a progressive statement in these days nonetheless there's a very strict hierarchy we are talking literally about a victorian wedding what are you saying about mine um i'm saying that you're you're living the modern progressive hippie inspired dream and my dad walks too slowly but in victoria's case uh it was still very hierarchical. Albert did come in after her, interestingly.

He wanted to have a look at Victoria's bottom as she walked up the aisle. Most likely. She was the pipper of her day. And she did have an incredible bustle on, no doubt. She's only got three years

on Queen Elizabeth II now. Three years and QE2 becomes the longest reigning monarch ever. I reckon she'll make it. I think she'll make it too. I'm not so sure about Philip, not to be unkind. He's very old.

That bladder of his. It's all our fault, isn't it, for making him stand on the boat? It's not my fault. I never told him to do that. I didn't even know that procession was happening until like the week before. And I would have said, sit down. He wouldn't have listened to you anyway

because you're a woman and you're from a ethnic minority. I don't take health advice from jujus. Well, time for a question from Rachel, who says, Helen, answer me this. What does the K stand for in special K? Ketamine. Is that the secret ingredient? That's what they call ketamine in the drug slang world.

Do they have special K? Is that what they call it? Yeah. Really? I'm so distant from that world, listeners, and you wouldn't believe it to hear me, that I just never knew that. I'm distant from drugs, but I'm interested in language. Yes, okay, nice.

But what does it stand for? Kellogg's. Oh, of course. Kellogg's made the Special K. Yeah, and actually there's a giveaway to that, isn't there, in the logo, in that they use the K from the Kellogg's brand. Well, you've got it lying around, so you might as well use it twice.

It was the world's first high-protein cereal. Wow. It's a record of sorts. Yeah. And maybe it's like a memorial cereal to the original Mr. Kellogg himself, because he died the year before it came out. It came out in 1952. So imagine when you're eating it, you're eating tiny

bits of his gravestone. With berry. I quite like Special K, but I don't eat it because I'm on a diet. I eat it because I actually genuinely quite like the taste. Do you dress up in a red swimsuit beforehand? Of course. That's my usual day wear anyway.

Otherwise it doesn't make you thinner. Is there anything to that? To the it makes you thin thing? Or is it just that it's a relatively non-calorific breakfast cereal? So of course eating it rather than four slices of toast and a fried breakfast

is relatively good for you. I would not like to speak ill of the Kellogg's Memorial cereal. That's right, Kellogg's defamation lawyers, if you're listening. We certainly would not like to do that and do not intend to. And I have not enacted a proper study, but I would imagine when they recommend Special K as part of a diet tool, they're recommending a small portion as part of a restricted diet. And therefore you'll probably lose weight because you're not eating very much

and you're eating healthier than normal. Yeah, but the thing is, I end up eating twice as much Special K as when I have Frosties. That's all right. Just wear two swimsuits. Well, here's another question of Brands from Jess from Dorset,

who says, Ollie, answer me this. What is the name of the Pringles man? Is he even on the front of the Pringles can in the first place? Is he the founder? Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah, the founder of Pringles had a completely oval face.

And a really even moustache. And a bow tie, even though he wasn't a hipster, obviously. Well, it was a different time, like the Colonel. Well, absolutely. Although now he'd be an old man, but he's never aged. Like Mickey Mouse, he's never aged, has he, Pringle? Well, I think it's like the Queen on the coins. They haven't aged her as much as she's aged in real life.

They've kept her relatively smooth. Slowed it down. Reminds me of one of these German moustache competition guys yes well his his name is julius pringles oh that's the question why okay is there a real life julius pringles or did they just draw the man and think let's call him julius the latter yes that right he was an invention of the marketing team at procter and gamble who needed a logo for their new product and exactly as you said created him however However, in a sense there is a Mr Pringles because the bloke who designed

the tube, the famous tube which keeps the Pringles fresh. And unbroken. He, when he died, asked for his ashes to be sprinkled in a tube of Pringles. We've all thought about it because urns are like a couple of hundred quid. What flavour do you think he chose? I would go sour cream and chive. I think it would have been one of the traditional, it certainly

wouldn't be one of the Pringles extreme flavours, would it? It wasn't sprinkled on crisps, was it? They kept sour cream and chive. I think it would have been one of the traditional, it certainly wouldn't be one of the Pringles extreme flavours would it? He wasn't sprinkled on crisps was he? They kept his ashes in the container. I think being sprinkled on anything would be an anathema to Mr Pringle because the whole point of Pringles is that they don't break apart like crisps. It's quite good we've done these two questions together because having slagged off Special K, Pringles are now owned by Kellogg's. Oh that balances it out. Yeah it does a little bit. And if you put milk on Pringles. They're a delicious, healthy breakfast, of course. Actually, Kellogg's bought Pringles this year for $2.7 billion.

But they're only like £1.50 at Iceland. You're right, they got ripped. Down and lonely Life is so confusing I need some answers, preferably amusing. Now I find a podcast that will suit. I listen to Helen and Ollie on my half-hour commute. Here's a question from another lady who's keeping herself anonymous

but not the same one as earlier. And she says, one of my best friends got completely screwed over by this wanker and in an angry post-breakup state, she gave me his number and told me to exact vengeance. So she's outsourcing the revenge. I didn't want to just hurl abuse at him because that's boring and probably uncalled for.

So eventually, I just went with texting him at 11.30 every day. Right. Starting with just the number 10 and counting down. What's a number a day? Yeah. So far, it's had the desired effect. He's definitely creeped out and has been speculating over who it could be. Anyway, I've just got to six and realised

I have no idea what to do when the countdown finishes. This is what happened to the writers of Lost. I don't want it to be too threatening. Like, I don't want to terrorise him, but I need something appropriately funny slash annoying slash twatty to do or to send him when it's over.

I don't think she does. I think it'd be amazing just to end it at two he'll always be waiting for the one literally he won't be able to sleep for fear that he'll hear it's come it's like dr faustus yes anyway she also says i've started to worry that it might freak him out too much i don't want him to call the police or anything i think if he went to the police and said someone is texting me every day with a number below 10 i think they would go oh yes we're going to put our best men on it yeah it sounds like a sketch from sesame street doesn't it so ollie answer me this is the countdown perhaps too mean well it is basically like something out of final destination

it's very gentle bullying it's not even going 10 you're a prick 9 your mother doesn't love you i think this is quite brilliantly weird and i think i agree that you have to do something when you get to one you have done a good job at freaking him out thus far this is a technique that you see with naughty children very often parents are like step away from that i'm gonna count to three one two and they never get to three because three basically means domestic violence against your children, doesn't it? I think you should go with I know the truth when you get to one.

Three, two, one, I know the truth. No, I know your secret because I know the truth sounds a bit too much like a religious sensation. Good. Yes, I know your secret. That's nice because everyone has a secret and that will cause more psychological torment

than if you went for something specific. What if he's got a great secret though? Like he could cure the sick or he got someone a really lovely Christmas present but he had to wait three months to give it to them. Or he was a stuntman in a famous film. Right. Okay, Martin.

If it's the cure the sick thing, then he's going to be like, great, glad you know the secret. Let's go into business partnership together, in which case work out well for you. Yeah. If it's I got someone a good we won't be that helen we know he's a wanker we know that already the trouble is with this very interesting psychological game it's not necessarily um the best revenge for your friend because it's not connected to your friend

in his mind and it's not telling him off for being a wanker the problem is he might just think it's spam that's why you need a hard-hitting final text look i fucked your mom well i think i know your secret is a little bit more sophisticated i think i fucked your mom is better right okay well i think we'll know when martin is doing the anonymous text revenge well that's it for this week's answer me this oh no time's up ding ding if you've got a question for next week's show then all of the details of how to send that to us are listed on our website and as we said earlier maybe lay off the skype until we fixed it but what you can do is uh peruse our albums which include our first 120 episodes and our special Jubilee and Sports Day slash Olympics themed albums.

That's right. Links to all of that on the website, plus our Twitter and our Facebook and our book and all that stuff. And we'll see you next week. Yay. Bye.