Answer Me This! - AMT234: Citizen Kane, the Rolling Stones' Hair, and Hercule Poirot's Pants

Episode Date: October 25, 2012

Citizen Kane, the Rolling Stones' Hair, and Hercule Poirot's Pants Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

listeners you'll remember a couple of weeks ago that ollie and i sitting here in our berets and our stripy tops and our onion necklaces wondered what those French people thought that we English people were like and Matt said I went to university in France for a year and we asked a French friend what his view of English people was and he said that the French think the English eat a lot of green jelly I guess we do compared to other nationalities I don't know maybe compared to France maybe French people only like red jelly. I bet compared to America we eat a lot less green jelly or as they call it there,

jello. Yeah. There was a band called Green Jello slash Jelly, wasn't there? Yeah. Featuring Maynard James Keenan of Tool singing about

little pigs. It's good to start the episode with all these mainstream references. Says Matt, our French friend didn't expand further on this but he found it hilarious.

We did not. So I'm not sure if he was representing the French as a whole, or if he was just a bit crazy. He did live in his car for a few months. Okay, good detail. Eating my jelly. Well, it's a very difficult vehicle in which to make jelly. Indeed. You probably just have to eat it in the concentrated blocks.

Would you have liked to have spent a year of your university education in France? I'm not sure what good it would do, seeing as I was studying English. I was always quite envious of students who got to spend a year in a foreign in France? I'm not sure what good it would do, seeing as I was studying English. I was always quite envious of students who got to spend a year in a foreign university, but I'm not sure I would have chosen France. It's a bit too close to be exotic. I would have maybe gone for Italy. That's about as close as I'd have gone, I think.

My mum spent a year in Italy when she was 18, came back with a pot plant she still has now. Really? Yeah. Wow. And I'd think, well, that's lasted a long time. It's just worth it for the plant, isn't it? Well, the plant, the Colosseum, they make things to last there. Hi, it's Steve from Bournemouth. Hello, Nolly.

Please answer me this. I've just downloaded a copy of Citizen Kane legally, I might add, and it is a universal suitable for all. I was just wondering, is there any connection between the universal category and Universal Studios film productions? Do you really wonder if there's a connection? Are you actually completely mental? Why would there be a connection? It's just a word, isn't it?

That's like saying, is there a connection between... Universal and everything. Yeah. Because it's universal. Between Kurt Cobain's band Nirvana and the Dalai Lama. That's what you're basically saying. They just share the word. They share the concept that something's available for everyone.

What about Courtney Cox and Courtney Love? No? So the Universal Studios brand was chosen because... It's a good brand name. Universal, everyone would be interested in the incredible Hollywood products they were going to make. In a way, that's the same as the Universal rating. Yes.

But it's referring to the everybody in an adjectival way. Correct. No link apart from the meaning of the word itself. I think that maybe there ought to be some kind of shading on universal rating because you get a U-rated film and you think it's for kids. Yes.

Citizen Kane. I don't think any five-year-old's going to be sitting there going, oh, I wonder what that rosebud is. Oh, he burned bright but in a horrible way. They're not going to look at the whirling newspapers going, mogul, dead, but what do we think of him? With any pleasure, are they?

That's the best description of the film Citizen Kane I've ever heard. You needn't see it now. Helen's done all the work for you. Yeah, don't bother. Citizen Kane, important prick. Just saying, not a kids' film. It's not, no. But it is suitable for children, in the sense that they'll fall asleep in front of it rather than have nightmares forever, you see, so in that way.

They'll scream and scream and scream, and the only way kids do when they see a black and white film is on. There did used to be a UC certificate. What did that mean? So that was kind of along the lines that you were suggesting, actually. It was to indicate that it was a universal film. But boring for children. No, no, no, but it definitely wouldn't be Citizen Kane.

Boring for adults, then. Yes. So UC meant this is a film that's suitable to leave your child watching alone. So there's no scary bits, there's no peril, it's just incredibly tedious and bright colours. Okay. Like Care Bears. They've phased that out now.

It doesn't exist anymore. So they only have you, which it does have the issue that you suggested. I'm wondering how parents make it through a lot of kids' films at the cinema. Like Ice Age 3 or something. Do you take a book? Do you just play on your phones while the kids are watching these things with rapt attention? I did actually watch a whole episode of What's-It's House the other day. Grandma's House?

No. Children's character, Mr. Bumfund or something he's called. He's on CBeebies. Mr. he's called he's on cbb's oh what's his name tickles mr tingles mr tipsy's house i don't know what he's saying parents listening will be screaming at their ipod because everyone knows he's like the biggest sexy dungeon this guy whatever his name is is like the phenomenon of cbb's yeah and he's got this show called whatever name of the character is is is House and it's kind of like a combination of like

the Rod Hull and Emu show where people knock on the door and characters come in with like a bit of children interacting and dancing along to the songs I think he's called Mr Tickles

and anyway Mr Wandering Carrier the point is right I don't have kids but I was in that hotel room in the Holiday Inn where we recorded the episode a few weeks ago

and Total Wipeout wasn't on and I had 20 minutes spare and yes obviously my mind drifted to that first I was in that hotel room in the Holiday Inn where we recorded the episode a few weeks ago. Oh, and Total Wipeout wasn't on. And I had 20 minutes spare. And yes, obviously my mind drifted to that first. But two minutes later, you had 18 minutes to spare. And I thought, right, CBeebies, let's have it. Let's have it. Let's watch it. I actually found it very entertaining.

Finally, something catering to you. I'm not going to say it was like a multi-layered show or anything. But it was the delight on the children's faces who were dancing and joining in to Mr. Titwank or whatever he's called was just pure joy and pleasure

that you don't see in adult entertainment. I don't mean that kind of adult. Well, they're not going to put the grumpy-faced kids in shots. Well, from one icon of the screen to another, this is from Jennifer in Cheshire

who says, Helen, answer me this. Is Hercule Poirot gay? David Suchet, the best Poirot of all time, says no, he's not gay. Does he? Yeah. But I always assumed that he was in the mould of bachelors of

the period when gayness was illegal. So you're saying yes, basically, aren't you? You're saying, given today's circumstances, yes. You can't really imagine him being close to any person, man or woman. You can't imagine him in a sexual position of any kind. Believe me, you've tried. I have.

I've drawn pictures, but he doesn't like to have hair out of place. I don't think he would like the physical contact with man or woman, unless he could wear a full-body white leather glove. Unlike Marple, who's a right dirty slag dirty slag Marple as well is a spinster so maybe Agatha Christie only wanted to write people that did not have meaningful relationships so maybe Marple was a lesbian maybe Poirot was of gay man so closeted by society and himself his own unwillingness to

accept the fact of homosexuality is that he never even admitted it to himself. In a way, it's good for all these characters to be closeted or oppressed or whatever because it means that they're completely obsessed with finding the murderer. Maybe Agatha Christie just likes to keep Poirot's private life out of the main narrative because it's not relevant. You want Poirot to be kind of above the petty problems

that cause people to murder and do the other things that he's investigating but maybe he just gets on with it in between novels she had to write books that old women would borrow from libraries and they couldn't have sex in so they didn't but actually if Agatha Christie were alive now and she were writing Poirot now we would know what her sexuality was wouldn't we and it's not that it's better to not know it isn't it would be better to know it would be it's more interesting from one perspective to know isn't it i think maybe because agatha christie's own first marriage at least was very unhappy perhaps she just did not want to dwell on people's romantic lives you see the very fact that you know that piece of knowledge

though demonstrates well no yeah no i sure but what i'm saying is demonstrates the fact that we want to always approach everything from a psychoanalytical perspective well i think this question is asked but i just don't personally read the books and think, I wish I knew what was going on inside Poirot's pants. It helps you understand like, okay, Anne Widdicombe, I've been watching her talk about gay marriage, right?

What does she know? Right, so when I'm watching her talk about gay marriage, what I'm thinking from the modern, sort of 21st century perspective is I'm looking at her thinking, well you're a very good talker, you're a very very interesting character but you're so sexually repressed and that's coming through in your character and your attitude to this subject that's the overwhelming things you're a virgin you're whatever 70 years old and that's your perspective on it and it's a warped perspective it's and you can't sort of listen to her without thinking about that i think

well also she's not only sexually repressed, she has denied herself romantic relationships, which I think is a more important issue in understanding gay marriage, the idea that somebody long-term would commit to somebody else. In the same way, I just think, if I met Poirot now, I wouldn't want to be there, Helen, but I'd want to know what's going on in his pants, psychoanalytically.

I'm Stuart from Wellingarden City, Helen and Ollie, I'll tell you this. I'm a teacher. Iarden City, I'm an Ollie, I'll tell you this. I'm a teacher. I find very few words I can use to kind of, not insult children and such, but not so much put them down either, but to sort of just say, you know, you've done something silly. So I tend to use the word gung-up quite a bit. That doesn't mean you get too much harm, and I did start using the phrase douchebag like I did in the films.

One of my colleagues pointed out that douchebag isn't the most polite term, since I haven't looked it up. I probably agree with him. But having all the odds with this, what's worse's worse a donut or a douchebag and if you've got any idea where the phrase douchebag really came from well let's examine what's worse a word that means a fluffy fried cake or something that is used for washing out your interior cavities yes i think the thing is he's talking about insulting children and i think when leveling insults at children it's probably best not to do anything that conjures up issues about their

weight or their genitals so you failed on both counts here yeah at least donut sounds quite lovable like you know east enders going oh you don't know yeah like you mop it although donut puncher used to be an insult leveled at gay men in less liberated times. Oh, to suggest going up their bum. Yeah. Interesting. I will never eat a Krispy Kreme again. I'm sorry to have done that. No, that's all right. They're bad for me. Well, he asks where douchebag comes from. He does, Helen. He says, do I have any idea? Yes. I think a lot of people listening to this have an idea. So a douche, Stuart, is a device that people use to squirt water up into themselves, maybe into their anal cavity or into their vaginas,

as a cleansing device. And it looks like a kind of rubber bag on the end of a turkey baster. The nature of his question, Helen, is how did this come... It's fairly obvious. How did this come to be an insult? Because it's a bag full of water that then becomes water filled with your shit. Yes. Not flattering, is it, to be called that, Stuart?

Think it through. Not really. But it's true, though, isn't it, that people, because of American films and frat boy comedies filled with your shit yes not flattering is it to be called that stuart think it through really but it's true though isn't it that people because of american films and frat boy comedies and that kind of thing high school japes that we see on the telly from the states the fratsos yeah um that should be a totally a brand of potato chips yeah or cracker like matzo for frat boys yeah fratsos anyway because of all that culture that we've seen on our telly from the States, the term douchebag has become very readily used and people probably don't, even teachers,

probably don't really think about what it means when they say it. So I don't blame Stuart for using it on children and the kids wouldn't really be thinking about it either. Anyone of a teacher age knows that douchebag is worse than donut. Because donut is something that you put in your mouth whereas douchebag is something you put up your crevice. I don't remember any of our teachers calling people douche bags or donuts or anything of the kind.

Well, because we're in Tunbridge Wells. No, sometimes it was in Sevenoaks. But they wouldn't have used American phraseology, would they? I bet they didn't even say guys in Tunbridge Wells, did they? Well, they did on November the 5th. Oi! Shut up and answer me this. Come on then. Why don't you shut your ugly face?

I'm not ugly, it's the condition. It's no condition, it's the tuggliness, mate. Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Now I'm thinking, seriously though, go back to your own country. That's what we're all thinking, isn't it? It's what we're all thinking. So retrospect us, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car.

On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Here's a question from Dave from Hampstead who says, I am a 40-year-old man who has had to face the fact

that I only have about two or three haircuts left in me. Ah, well. Compared to my old school friends, I've not had a bad innings. Good. But by next summer, it will either be the shaved head

or a comb-over. Comb-over strikes me as the kind of thing that might be brought back in because there are lots of things that have been revived that you think shouldn't be. Comb-over strikes me as the kind of thing that might be brought back in because there are lots of things that have been revived that you think shouldn't be. Comb-over maybe next?

I couldn't believe how long the mullet was popular for. I wonder if anyone's ever shaved their head so that they could have a comb-over for stylistic reasons. Yes, I bet. Like an anti-mer-hawk.

I reckon 2014 is going to be the year of the fashionable comb-over and it's going to be awful. Anyway, Dave says, this week, the newspapers have been full of pictures of the rolling stones as they celebrate their 50th anniversary we have the photos show the band

including ex-member bill wyman all sporting full heads of hair so ollie answer me this what are the odds of finding five men of their advanced years without at least one of them being bald what is their secret apart from the incredible amounts of money they all have yeah and uh yeah what's their secret drugs and uh marrying underage girls that's the secret keep your hair if you do that i think there are probably lots of secrets under keith richards hats as well including possibly a bald patch but certainly not shampoo the band shampoo would never fit under there it's so greasy isn, isn't it? I mean, he has got hair, but it looks a bit like he's saved up all of his hair

that he's ever had cut off in the last 40 years and sewn it into a wig. That's his secret. I would rather be bald than have his hair. Also, Charlie, he's... I mean, I know he's like 72 or something now, so fair enough, but he definitely is thinning.

Well, he's got that kind of snowy white hair and naturally that's going to show a bit more scalp, but it's still decent coverage. Yeah, but it is receding. It's not a full head of hair anymore. But with him, he seems the happiest of the Stones to actually be his age. Yeah, yeah.

And he looks like a retired bank manager. And I think if he were genuinely going bald, he'd be happy with it. He wouldn't get a toupee. He wouldn't take Rogaine. He wouldn't get hair plugs, whereas the rest of them probably would. I mean, Ronnie would.

He obviously dyes his hair. Who knows? There could be some artificial bits woven in there easily it's such a nest the thing is what's hard to decipher with them is even though they've probably spent money on their looks the look they've spent money on getting is one that looks like they haven't spent money on their looks because they're trying to look disheveled it's looking disheveled like you've been having sex for three days straight rather than you live in a box or you can no longer take care of yourself without a carer.

But I think, Dave, you've put your finger on something because... A bald patch! Yeah, not just your finger, you'll put your whole fist on there soon. Because according to research from Palacky University in the Czech Republic, where I go for all my cutting-edge hair research, 30% of men by the age of 30 and 50% by 50 university in the czech republic oh where i go for all my cutting edge hair research uh 30 percent

of men by the age of 30 and 50 by 50 can expect to be bald so it is roughly it roughly goes along with age and two-thirds by 60 so you think at least three but probably four rolling stones currently living should be bald yeah because they're between like 60 and 75 so you're looking at two-thirds definitely should be i reckon weaves you know they've got the money well i googled this and the belgravia center which is that place that always advertises for men that are going bald yeah i hate their ads because they say we specialize only in hair loss and i always think you've written that piece of script the wrong way around your radio ad should say we only specialize in hair loss not we specialize only in hair so don't

ask us about your teeth. Yeah, exactly. Sounds like they're deficient. Why don't they put it positively? We specialise in getting your hair back to its best. Exactly. Honestly, sometimes

advertising copywriters just don't know they're born. Like we saw this really weird advert on the train today which was from Nando's and kind of suggested that their food would give you diarrhoea

unless you had it plain. Yeah, but not in a way that was endearing to the product. It's nice to see that they're being factually accurate about their food.

Anyway. Anyway, yes. The Belgravia Centre. Yeah, both of them. They posted a blog on this subject and I quote from the article either they,

the Rolling Stones, are blessed with incredibly good genes What are the odds? or the group have a secret weapon. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink that is, isn't it?

Isn't that kind of taking credit for it? They've very cleverly done that so that you think oh, have been to the belgravia center oh but the belgravia center are too discreet to actually say oh but they're not because they've done a blog with a big picture of them all they win either way in that scenario have you seen the new single or heard the new single i should say it is music i i don't think i've heard any of the singles since love is strong in the mid 90s yeah i haven't heard any since that one where they covered katie lang but

at first denied that they had covered katie lang and then paid katie lang for covering katie lang although no one really knew why they covered katie lang because why would you cover katie lang um but um i heard this one weirdly youtube showed me an ad for dappy's album first not an obvious brand match what crossover is there who's dappy out of the n-dubs he's in the n-dubs he gets his knob out on twitter he wears woolly hats And Dappy's already Got a shaven head And he's only about 25 Yeah good point yeah

I mean he's done one video Where Brian May's in it For five seconds To get some money Brian May's in all The young people's videos But it's still not much Crossover with the stones

I didn't think Probably raising money For his badger charity Has Brian May still got All his own hair Is that real It's hard to know There's no way

You could fake that No Just a massive wig Yeah It's glorious Imagine the badgers That could hide in there from the colours. It's quite good, their new single. It's alright, yeah.

Is it? Doom and Gloom, it's called. Does it sound like Start Me Up, but it's going, Doom and Gloom, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-Doom and gloom. It's not far off, actually. You give me doom and gloom. It's not far off. Doom and Gloom, why do you taste so good?

It's just some doom away. It's just some gloom away. A Facebook friend of mine the other day, comedian Rich Sandling, was complaining that he'd gone to see a Beatles tribute band and the Paul McCartney tribute did not play left-handed. Now, I would contend that it's probably better to get somebody who sounds and plays like Paul McCartney

in all other respects rather than get somebody who's and plays like paul mccartney in all other respects rather than get somebody who's naturally right-handed to try and play left-handed because that's not going to sound good well i was personally very disappointed that he didn't divorce the heather mills tribute act at the same time that paul mccartney got divorced as well i was very disappointed that the john lennon and george harrison tribute acts did not show up i'm very disappointed the jungle reinhardt tribute act had four fingers. It's an interesting point, actually. I wonder, when you're a tribute act that is paying tribute to a band when they're at the height of their

powers, do you age with the act? If you see what I mean. That would be a good set of prosthetics, wouldn't it? Because, for example, if you've been an Elton John tribute act for the last 30 years, you've roughly aged with Elton John. Do you get the hair plugs? Maybe you do. As his

voice has got deeper though, yours has probably got deeper too. Naturally. So that's fine. Yes. But if you're an act that is much, much older than you to begin with, do you like with a Beatles tribute act? Presumably they're paying tribute to the Beatles in 1972, not Paul McCartney playing Glastonbury at the age

of 70. Not Paul McCartney looking like Pauline Collins. So where do you, do you see what I mean mean where do you stop adapting with the act and start saying okay actually they've gone a bit off the boil but i'm gonna be him when he could really still sing hey jude i think it's like joan collins she's stuck with her look from her 80s heyday you stick with your favorite period of say elvis visually but you can choose the songs from any time like michael jackson that must have been really hard for tribute acts do they bleach the skin I think probably people pretend that the bad stuff doesn't happen because a tribute act it's not the same but at least you can erase the bad stuff I think it's quite hard for people like um I read some interviews with um

posh and becks impersonators who get paid somehow to do public appearances and there was that period in the mid-naughties where they were always changing their hair so the impersonators had to spend thousands every month on maintaining hair extensions very expensive and one of them had to get breast implants put in and then taken out right yes yeah worth it when you got surgery involved tell you who would be fun to be a look-alike for leonardo dicaprio why can't you just be a bit bloaty and greasy and wear a baseball cap i mean if you've been with him for 20 years because it means you're a good looking teenager so you got lucky then you know you were playing this sort of hot guy that was like the big hollywood a-lister and now you can do whatever the hell you like bit of a belly be a slightly unconvincing adult but

somehow it doesn't matter because you still get work well Well, that is being Leonardo DiCaprio. It's not being his lookalike. How many social networks are you on? Vibo, Friendster, Parkview, Porn, MySpace, Ping and Google Buzz. If you want to be our pal, go to this URL. Facebook.com slash AnswerMeThis Or Twitter.com slash HelenAndOllie But please don't follow us in real life Please, listeners, keep us up to date with your thoughts,

the ones at least that phrase themselves as questions, by giving us a call. You can Skype answer me this or you can ring this number. 0-2-0-8-1-2-3-5-8-double-7 And you can leave us a voicemail like this one. Hi, it's Beth from London. I was out in a club last week and a boy gave me his phone number

as he was leaving, written on a five pound note. And I thought this was a pretty douchey thing to do. So me and my boyfriend had a little jolly laugh at it and I decided to text him, assuming he'd be a bit of a douche. Actually, he's a really nice boy and I don't know how to tell him that I have a boyfriend

and I was just being a bitch what should i do spend the five pound note forget it ever happened actually that whole five pound note thing is a really interesting technique um because it's it's not just saying call me but it's actually paying the the phone calls it's sort of like a version of giving a stamped address envelope isn't it really isn't it kind of slightly like insulting the person you're giving the money to well because it has insinuations of stuffing 10 pounds into ladies knickers well check me out i'm doing pretty well for myself yeah yeah i don't use post-its i use fivers i wonder how this man has demonstrated a completely different character just in the course of text messages we don't know what conversation they had when they were in the

club together possibly they didn't say anything. Yeah. So, you know, he's probably given more character away than he gave smiling at her across the dance floor and then stuffing a fiver in her purse. I think the difficulty here is that because your boyfriend, Beth, is in on the gag... It's a little bit cruel, isn't it? Yeah.

It's bullying. Two against one. It sort of is. And actually, if you're being honest with yourself, it seems to me, since you've been moved to call us about this, you maybe quite fancy this guy now, like knowing that he likes you and that he's got a nice personality. And actually, it's not just as much about telling him that you've got a boyfriend,

but maybe the difficult thing is that your boyfriend is involved in this guy that you actually quite like. What's the implication, therefore, of best question? Is she saying he's a nice guy, so I want to be friends with him? No. Okay, in that case, just stop the textual conversation because you have a boyfriend and you don't intend to pursue it. But if you want to be friends with him. No. Okay, in that case, just stop the textual conversation because you have a boyfriend and you don't intend to pursue it.

But if you want to be friends with him, you could just say, oh, my boyfriend and I and some friends are going to this thing next week. You should come along. Yes, that's one way of doing it. And it's not a group sex thing. It's just a group thing.

We don't know what she said, but I'm guessing by the fact that she wanted to wind him up with tees and that maybe she texted him back with something a bit racist. Yeah, that's true, isn't it? I've been looking at your fiver all day you love barton oh god don't try and flirt it's horrible i was looking at martin when i said that it's almost uh to mix money metaphors a kind of 50 cent type behavior this isn't it this is like what this is what a

bling rapper would do hand out notes or to mix other money metaphors it's not what Ezra Pound would do it might be what Roger Sterling from Mad Men does oh no Penny Lancaster Rod Stewart wouldn't allow this here's a question

from Rosie in Glasgow who says my boyfriend and I were decadently eating buttered crumpets and jam in bed the other morning you and the importance

of being earnest or something just crumbs all over the pillow crumpets aren't very crummy, but then there is the possibility of greasy drips. Greasy drips, yeah. And greasy fingers after.

We may or may not have had clothes on, Rosie continues. Oh, no. Crumpets are not a sex food. We made a link, Helen, nonetheless. I bet you did. Between the hole-filled breakfast item and a fanciful man or woman. We made a few four-what-a-lovely-bit-of-crumpet type jokes to each other

in perverse Cockney accent. Only someone from Glasgow could call the Cockney accent actually perverse. Which, as you might imagine, was very funny. Oh, yes. It also made me want to ask you a question. But you saved that until after whatever it made you want to do with your boyfriend. I think that's probably right, yeah. So, Helen, answer me this.

Why are good-looking people, typically women, referred to as crumpet? That is a very good question, and I really struggled to find the answer. And you know how I hate to be defeated by a linguistic question, particularly one that refers to a wonderful baked good. Actually, it's not really baked. It's sort of cooked on a griddle.

What a mistake I've made. Is that right? There's no baking involved in the crumpet process at all i don't believe so it's like a thick pancake okay so i think it's very simplest uh form we can say that crumpets come to mean this because it means something tasty anyway so what have you managed to deduce even if it's not the whole answer well the first recorded use was in 1936 so it seems like the kind of slang where it wasn't too derogatory and it was quite schoolboyish but it also rhymed with strumpet which was a racy word yes now i was wondering if there was a link there because strumpet is sort of slut isn't it yes strumpet is quite strong and so it's less strong than that yeah but it sounds it is like someone who's who

has a slutty side to them but perhaps could be quite pure in reality so like joan bakewell she was famously the thinking man's company yes and so now it's like carol vaudeville i'd say holly willoughby as well holly will be total grumpet yeah whereas uh i would say pammy anderson strumpet oh she is a mess no but even in her peak perts days strumpet not grumpet yeah i think yeah because there has to be a sense of inaccessibility, maybe, to these women. Like, they'd be nice to you if they met you, but they wouldn't throw themselves at you.

What about trumpet? Is that a category? Trumpet is a woman who's very loud and you don't want fancy. A woman who looks like she farts a lot. Yeah. Here's an email from Kieran from Bedford, who raises several interesting points.

Just in the first phrase, he says, I'm currently watching the classic Charlie's Angles. What? Bracket. Cameron Diaz version. That's the classic. The McG classic.

Kieran says, this film got him thinking. Has it got all of us thinking? Because it is the classic Charlie's Angles. Obtuse or acute? Can't decide. All I know is

I want them to be right Angles joke he says it got me thinking how in action films the protagonist is able to entirely defeat

some villains in one punch and the villain is built like a brick shithouse answer me this where does the saying built like a brick

shithouse come from assuming brick shithouses are like outhouses, I've never seen a particularly huge one. You wouldn't try and punch one, though, would you? No, and I've never seen a person with cubicles inside.

Have I got hypotenuse for you, Kieran. Angle's joke. Oh, I didn't realise you had it in you, Ollie. That's amazing. Brick shithouses are larger than other shithouses. I think that's the comparison that's being made, isn't it? Not only that, more substantial. Because if you had a shithouse built of the traditional shithouse materials

of flimsy timber, board, corrugated things. So it used to be that brick shithouses were genuinely a real talking point. State of the art, yeah. Yeah, very impressive because they weren't going to blow down in a gust of wind or after a particularly powerful guff. Yeah. Also, they're bigger than a person, aren't they? So when you say a person is built

like a brick shithouse but you wouldn't say they were built like a skyscraper because that's too much yes exactly uh right here's a question from christian who says helen answer me this is the breed of dog boxer named after the athlete a boxer due to its smashed face. No. And just believe me when I say the explanation is obscure in that there isn't one definitive answer and the non-definitive answers are boring. And the apocryphal answer is that boxer dogs used to make little boxing jabby gestures

with their paws and apparently that's bullshit but that's better than the real ones which seem to be like the kind of thing where they misheard something in Germany. You don't want to know. He's got a supplementary question helen good he says if that's the case isn't are pugs another breed with smashed faces and related to the boxes uh named after the pugilists no can you imagine getting into a fight with a pug that would just be the most pathetic fight

no they're not and again it's not that easy to tell Why pugs are called pugs Pugs are awesome They're awful They're awesome Eyes are not meant to stick out that far No but they're cute aren't they No they're monstrous They're funny

That's how pugs breed That's all dogs No that's especially pugs I mean it's my parents dog a bit But she is inbred But pugs are the worst Pugs are one of the oldest dog breeds in the world Pugs were bred exclusively for Chinese emperors in 700 BC

and when the Dutch went and did a lot of traveling in the far east they brought back pugs as a kind of very exciting trophy so William of Orange who then became the king of England in 1688 brought over his pet pugs and then they became fast and more because the king had one imagine if someone now brought back a breed of dog we'd never seen before and it was as freaky looking as a pug.

Imagine how big that would be on the web. So the word pug at the time meant something kind of like, you like Puck in Midsummer Night's Dream, a sort of impish sprite. And I think probably people looked at the pugs and thought, that's got an impish, sprightly, disgusting, goggly-eyed face. And the name came about that way. Puck, out of all characters in Shakespeare, would be one you really want to spend

time with, would you? Oh god, what a tool. You know, the worst thing about him is he thinks he's got a sense of humour. Titania and Oberon know they're boring. Puck, he thinks he's so bloody clever, isn't he? And actually, all he's doing is like bog standard practical jokes. There's nothing

special about it. Well, listeners, that's your lot and you don't get another portion until next week. There's nothing special about it. Well, listeners, that's your lot, and you don't get another portion until next week. That's right. Unless, of course, you buy one of our special albums. Yes. Our Sports Day album and our Jubilee album. If you haven't listened to that, that's two hours of new content to you. Lovely jingles in them.

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