Answer Me This! - AMT235: James Bond's Martinis, Horse Fluffers and Appendectomies in Antarctica

Episode Date: November 1, 2012

James Bond's Martinis, Horse Fluffers and Appendectomies in Antarctica Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Terms and conditions apply. Visit bmo.com slash theiporter to learn more. How will John Cleese pay off his ex now he's not playing cue? Has to be this, has to be this. What's Lisa Goddard been up to since Give Us a Clue? Has to be this, has to be this. Helen and Ollie, Has to be this. Has to be this. Helen and Ollie. Has to be this.

Well, now, since last week's episode, you've all been wondering, where does Hercule Poirot like to stick it? And we were speculating... He likes to stick his nose into all sorts of other people's business, Ollie, of course. We were talking about that. We were talking about all kinds of murder-solving detectives, weren't we? I can't look at Inspector Gadget the same way ever again. It extends 10 feet uh and we've had this feedback helen from chandra tudin who says

urquell poirot isn't gay i tried to come on to him and he wasn't interested at all i was gonna say because unless you're one of his former conquests that's the only way you're gonna know for sure isn't it since he's a fictional character it it seems unlikely. And he's dead. And he's dead. And his author's dead. They say, in the book, Labours of Hercules, the final chapter shows Poirot

buying flowers for a woman and wondering about the possibility of getting together with her. Beard. Yeah, come on. And in fact, if it was the other way round,

if this were a straight character and there was one moment in one of the many books about him where he found some sexual tension being drawn to another male character, you'd say yeah that was his gay moment you wouldn't say therefore he is gay whereas Poirot could have one straight moment and be gay and also maybe he was

just a bit lonely because sometimes he seems to get a bit of a fancy on for women but it doesn't seem again a very sexually motivated one it's often because they're beautiful and about to die and then and then he has a lot of kind of fussy middle-aged women who want to be his friend, and that seems quite a classic kind of hag-style characteristic. The clues are there. Well, we've had this in as well from John from Washington, D.C., who says, I am an American.

I'll give you $5 million if you can prove it. And I've been listening to some of your back episodes. Somewhere around episode 169, Helen claimed that although her mother was born in Washington, D.C., she was not American. to some of your back episodes. Somewhere around episode 169, Helen claimed that although her mother was born in Washington, D.C., she was not American. Being born in the U.S. means you're automatically an American citizen. She has not taken advantage of that fact enough. She's very English, it seems to me.

Yeah, she really is. I don't want to generalise about, obviously, all of America. It's a big place with lots of different people in it, but there is something about her sensibility that is particularly English. I can't help but feel that crushing self-deprecation is not particularly American-trained. Precisely. All of her American-ness wore off somewhat after

the birth. Well, anyway, John continues. As you may have heard, we're about to elect a new president. No one informed me. Hasn't been on the news at all. And since your mother is an American, Helen, and over 35, Helen, answer me this Should your mum be our president?

I think that she might be a little bit socialist Healthcare-wise for American age She's a big believer in the NHS I think she'd be quite a practical president She's a very sensible woman Zaltzmo care has a good ring to it But there are a couple of problems Firstly, she has just retired

So I don't think she'd want to take up such a high stress role immediately Secondly I don't think my dad would want to move to the White House Because he's got Sky Sports at home And that's made him very happy But the main obstacle to her being able to stand for American President Is one of the criteria Is that she has to have resided in the USA for 14 years Right yeah I wondered about that

I've just not done that Yeah that makes sense Oh no dear well I haven't been back there since the late 60s when I had a rather nasty experience. I was an au pair to one of my godparents' daughters and she was a sociopath and a pathological liar. So the experience soured me after that. You know, in the entire history of the Republicans

and the Democratic nominations, there's only been two female nominations and both were for vice president. That's rubbish. And one of those was Sarah Palin. I mean, that is appalling, isn't it? Oh, God. I mean, I know we've only had two female nominations and both were for vice president. That's rubbish. And one of those was Sarah Palin. I mean, that is appalling, isn't it? Oh, God. I mean, I know we've only had one female prime minister,

but at least we got there 30 years before. You think about British politicians who could do it now. I mean, I know she wasn't everyone's favourite, but I think Louise Mench actually had a chance, you know, in terms of profile. Well, she would have been like a female David Cameron type character, wouldn't she? But I mean, Harriet Harperson. There was a bit of a conspiracy to get rid of her it wasn't there the jowler as well yeah that's not gonna happen so i'm not sure we've we've really got anyone on

the scene whereas i think condoleezza rice in america 2016 condi you heard it here first we predicted the close of jjb sports and spain winning the world cup on this podcast the podcast is like the octopus that died yeah what octopus you know the one that used to predict who would win the World Cup and nothing else important. I didn't know. Anyway, if the octopus were here right now, it would be supporting

Condoleezza Rice for 2016, I think. That is ticking a lot of boxes as well. Well, and also, it will have been long enough that the association with George Bush is no longer relevant.

And she's still young enough. I think what distinguishes Condi from a lot of the female MPs in Britain and maybe a lot of the people like Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin before us, Condi is not encumbered with a husband and family. She's got her eyes on the prize. If you look at what she was allowed to say at the Republican conference this year,

she said in her speech, when I was a little girl, I dreamed of being the President of the United States. They wouldn't allow anyone else to say that. She didn't say, I dreamed of being Vice President or I dreamed of being Secretary of State or whatever the hell she was when under bush she said president and imagine the headlines if she becomes president i mean there are so many word plays to be made with her surname luckily rice is nice yep four years to prepare for them sticky fried rice how would that work like if she's in a really sticky situation she's really messed up and she's getting

a lot of heat for it yeah special fried rice fried rice. Yeah. That's if she says something wrong about remedial people. Beans and rice. She would need to get a pet dog called Beans. People would like that. Yeah, she'd probably avoid getting a pet dog called Beans for that very reason, wouldn't she? Rice paper when she did a particularly good... Yes, yeah, or a dossier.

Yeah, a dossier. Rice cream. Yeah. Rice pudding. What would that be? That's hard. I guess maybe the Christmas family at the White House shot. Yeah, or if she got a bit fat because of all the stress.

What about Rice Krispie? Yeah. I think what we're saying is it's almost inevitable just because of the headlines. Yeah. Well, here is a question from Patrick from Kent who says, I'm currently waiting for a train at Lenham listening to Answer Me This. About five minutes ago, an angry-looking man asked me what time the next train was. When I told him it wasn't for another half an hour,

he proceeded to swear and throw his bicycle into the wall next to me. Don't shoot the messenger, stranger! Yeah, it's a shame. If you told him that it was in five minutes, he clearly would have opened a bottle of champagne and given you a big kiss. People have funny train practices in Kent.

I was once on the train. It was coming from Tunbridge Wells. It was before we got to Tunbridge. And this woman was saying to me, when we get to Tunbridge, which side will the platform be on? Will it be on this side or this side? Did she have a reason for it?

She didn't have a stick or anything. She didn't need to know in advance. And then she asked another person, she asked the conductor and stuff. And I was like, look, if you get it wrong, it's a distance of about eight feet. You're not wasting that much time on it. She would have totally been able to course correct.

Yeah, exactly. Although I was at a train station the other day where there wasn't a mind the gap announcement and i've always thought those were pointless and then i very nearly fell down the gap you need to be told what to do at all times don't you yeah you need to be told to put one foot in front of the other it was a big gap though martin anyway patrick says needless to say things are now a little awkward now as in whilst he's still standing there tapping out this email on his phone presumably yeah waiting for another bike to be thrown Now as in whilst he's still standing there Tapping out this email on his phone presumably Waiting for another bike to be thrown at him Okay so he's got this angry man right next to him What does he do?

It's raining so we're both in the same tiny railway shelter Oh nice Ollie answer me this Does he need a hug? He probably needs a shag but it's unlikely he wants it from you He probably needs therapy more than either of those It seems dangerous, he says, to hug a total stranger.

You think? When only moments ago an innocent wall took a pounding. So, Ollie, answer me this. What can I do to make the situation less awkward? Should I go and stand in the rain, or just keep a traditional British silence? You're doing the right thing. Feel intensely awkward,

tap out this email on your phone. It's half an hour of your life. You're doing the right thing. Feel intensely awkward. Tap out this email on your phone. It's half an hour of your life. You can do it, Patrick. I think it's delightfully British of Patrick to be worried about the awkwardness rather than himself getting mashed by a bicycle. Yeah, his concern's really for the other person's feelings, which is very generous of him

because the other person's given no thought to your feelings by lashing out in front of you. Should we chat? I don't know. You could pretend to take a phone call, couldn't you? that's a good avoiding chats with strangers 25 minutes helen you can play both parts of the conversation for 25 minutes in your head that's really hard you hold up your phone to your ear listen to a podcast but just go uh-huh oh yeah yep phone acting is the hardest when you have to pretend someone's on the other end of the phone saying something is the hardest thing look the guy is crazy and angry i don't think he'll be going, that is not very Stanislavski

and Patrick. If you've got a question, email it in. To Martin the sound man, Holly and Helen. Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com And send me this podcast at googlemail.com

So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts.

Here's a question from Denim in Nottingham. Amazing. Yeah, it's the first time I've had a question from a fabric. There was a DJ called Daryl Denim. Do you remember that? Wow, what station was that? Sounds commercial. Yeah, it was Virgin, about 15 years ago.

Hi, I'm Daryl Denim. I'm Daryl Denim, and this is Daryl Denim's Drive Time. It's good that they gave him drive time or was he on at like 12 o'clock in the afternoon and he was like, no, I'm going for the alliteration. Yeah, it had to alliterate.

Do you think when he got his supper ready he'd go, this is Daryl Denham's dinner time. Quite possibly, yeah. Delicious. Yeah, Daryl Denham can't go to bed, it doesn't alliterate. Daryl Denham has severe sleep deprivation.

Anyway. Anyway. Good name. Denham has severe sleep deprivation Anyway Anyway Good name Denham in Nottingham says Ollie, answer me this When an animal is put out to stud I can see why you're asking me this question You spend a lot of time wanking off horses Is that why you're saying that?

Yeah, that's very good Why is it called out to stud? The word stud comes from the old English stod Which meant herd of horses. Good thing you did all that Anglo-Saxon in your first year of your degree. That's obviously where it came from. Is that because horses were always stood about? I don't know, Helen.

I just know that's what it always was, where a herd of horses was kept, and then it became where you send a horse off to do its shagging, right? So that's that. Oh, right, so like a horse's sex dungeon. Exactly. But let me move on to some fascinating facts about horse studding, because this is amazing. do it shagging right so that's that's that all right so like a horse's sex dungeon exactly but let me move on to some fascinating facts about horse studding because this is amazing you can start talking about teaser mares yes i can't believe martin knows about that what kinds of shit actually i was about to talk about teaser stallions i don't know about teaser stallions

that's more like the play girl of horses isn't it so have you never heard of teasers no i haven't enlightened me please i never had in this context either. It's what Martin used to beat off to when he was a teenager. Yeah. Teaser Mayors is his favourite website. Okay, so what this is, right, is in thoroughbred horses, which is basically what's keeping the whole stud market alive. Yeah, well, you wouldn't waste expensive stud sperm on a rubbish horse, would you? No, well, it's not that.

It's that if you're breeding a miniature or a trotter or a quarter horse or whatever trotter yeah quarter horse what's that like a quarter chicken at a pub then you can use whatever sperm they have frozen that's fine but if you're breeding a thoroughbred horse the thoroughbred association specifies that it has to be natural fucking that's brought about the conception that's beautiful what if the horses just don't fancy each other yeah well this is it right so this is what the teaser stallion is used for so because the horses are worth potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars um the teaser stallion tries it on with the mare first to see if she's going to kick him because if the mare's going to kick out then that could damage you know wipe thousands of dollars off the value of the stallion

that's actually the thoroughbred stallion so they they try the teaser stallion teaser stallion never gets any the teaser stallion is often behind bars. It's like a fluffer. Yeah, he's a fluffer. But he goes up, wangles his thing like the teaser mare, and if she doesn't kick out, then they bring in the real boy. What if the real stallion

doesn't want to do the mare? Well, this is why we need the teaser man. I hadn't read that stallions often lash out at mares they don't like. I think they're just not interested in walking away. Well, the story I heard was that the way I had teaser mares explain to me

was that... When a horse and a mare love each other very, very much. Apparently a lot of these thoroughbred horses, I may have got this wrong on the end, but apparently they really fancy the really ugly kind of scraggy horses. Well, everyone likes a bit of rough, don't they? They don't want to have sex with the really beautiful thoroughbred horses,

so they get the scraggy teaser mares in, which are the ones that the horses fancy, get them really riled up, and then let them loose on the really beautiful thoroughbred horses. Here's an issue. In March 2000, Class Secret, the 1973 Triple Crown winner,

we all know his work, had to be euthanised because a mare that he was mounting broke his leg. So, you know, serious business this. And I'd never seen horse sex before, before researching this question. And did you enjoy it? It's pretty graphic, but it's astonishing as well to think that in that 30 seconds because that's all it lasts in

some of these videos yeah not always sometimes it lasts 10 minutes whatever but sometimes you can earn like half a million dollars if you're a stallion of repute if only you could get half a million dollars for 30 seconds fucking um uh all thoroughbred horses have the same official birthday which is january the first and that's because that's a bad birthday to have because everyone's All thoroughbred horses have the same official birthday Which is January the 1st Really? And that's because Oh that's a bad birthday to have Because everyone's busy And the transport's not on

I know No one wants to have a party do they? Everyone's tired It's because You know when they race them against each other They need to say that they're all the same age That's extremely misleading So they're all from the same season

So they're all born on January the 1st Which means Because there's an 11 month gestation period So that the horses are naturally born somewhere in December or January so they can say their birthday is January 1st Right, so one of them is not disadvantaged or advantaged by being born

on December 31st of the same year Precisely The shagging has to commence on or around February 14th Valentine's Day Isn't that beautiful? Valentine's Day is the apex of the horse shagging calendar

so that you can give birth on January the 1st I've never heard anything so romantic and unromantic at the same time I reckon if I worked in a horse stud I would not be up for a romantic meal and afters that night on Valentine's Day not after what I'd seen

I'm sorry I'm covered in horse scene I've got too much money I've got too much money Buy an aunt's me this satchel or an aunt's me this apron I've still got too much money! I've got too much money! Buy an Antimedist satchel or an Antimedist apron. I've still got too much money! I've still got too much money! Buy an Antimedist mug or an Antimedist yellow T-shirt. I do not like yellow! I don't look good in yellow!

There are also available in red and white and black. Where can I get these things from? Where can I get these things from? From cafepress.com slash Antimedist. I've got too much money. I've got, oh no, I haven't any more because although the items

were very reasonably priced, the import duty was cripplingly expensive. But no matter, it was still worth it because I'm a fly mofo. Here's a question from John

who says he's aged 19 years and one month and he is from South Oxfordshire. Oh, good. It's odd that he's so specific about his age, but not his location. It is odd. In a way, it makes me feel less guilty if we're rude to him later,

because I think it's a bit odd. All right, odds, John, proceed. He says, Ollie, answer me this. What is the deal with and point of in-store radio stations? I was in Asda in Tilehurst this morning. Asda FM played Spice Girls and Steps. Was it also the 90s this morning? Asda have 167,500 staff.

So that's why they have a radio station, never mind all the customers that are there. It's just to entertain the staff. Well, John has more queries, Ollie. Maybe you can satisfy. He says, are we supposed to believe that there are DJs sitting in a studio

in Asda somewhere playing all this shit? I don't know what we're supposed to believe, but there are DJs and they've all got radio experience and they're proper

professional DJs, but they're not sitting in Asda. They're sitting in a company that makes this show for Asda. It's based in Leeds. And also, it gives the customer a sense that the music has

been curated especially for their shopping experience it's about bringing the brand to life and in practical terms i'd imagine it's easier than them choosing their own compilations or playing another radio station because it means someone else that they're paying for the asda radio has to deal with the prs forms yes quite right john says also yeah who aspires to be a dj on such a pointless radio station? Someone who's had a career in radio and now wants to make some money out of the corporate sector. Perhaps has lost their job on their local station and just wants some money for their talent. It's hard to be in radio.

That's right. I mean, we wouldn't rule it out. John ameliorates his wrath against this soundtrack to his shopping experience. He says, I have absolutely nothing against music playing in shops. Yeah, the evidence isn't backing that up, mate. I work at Waterstones, the Oxford branch where you did a signing once. It was a good time. Maybe John could set himself up

as being the Waterstones DJ. Yeah, absolutely. Take their example. He says, why, oh why, oh why, oh why, oh why do they call these radio stations? Because it just makes it a bit less clunky when they're running promotions than if they don't call them radio stations because it just makes it a bit less clunky when they're running promotions than if they don't call them radio stations and that's why yeah i mean if they said uh hi this is uh asda's in-store sound system that is currently replacing your interior monologue

it's not as snappy is it well it's just a bit it's a bit clunkier isn't it if they play a song it finishes and then it goes walking on sunshine and then someone just comes on and says aisle 15 cheese whereas if a dj says that was chosen for janice from ludlow and on aisle 15 at the moment there's a great deal on cheese you're listening to asda fm you see the difference and stay away from aisle 8 mr sands will be there in a minute there's another serious reason as well of course in, in Asda's case, which is... To cover the screams. They sell music. So they have a CD. Asda sell 15 million CDs a year. If we haven't already driven you nuts by playing Rihanna at you for your whole hour in here,

you can buy it for £12. Listen in the car. But seriously, I mean, that must be a huge part of it. And I read this really interesting article about how they censor some of the songs. Because, for example, LDN by Lily Allen. That's got the word Tesco in it. Which you're not allowed to say on Astro FM.

It's got a filthy mouth, isn't she? Presumably, they went strong on Fuck You Very Much. They playlisted that. But you're not allowed to say Tesco. Does that mean they won't play any songs by James Morrison? Quite possibly, yeah. Or Jamie Liddle. They probably wouldn't anyway.

It's a bit experimental. Hi, Helen and Ollie. This is Andy, normally from Savanger, currently in Rome. Ripping it up with my mate Adam. And we were just wondering, where does this term come from? When in Rome, dot, dot, dot. Why Rome and not Paris or, I don't know, Washington or New York? Well, presumably the idea of talking about the Romans as a historical group.

They were very influential. It's a bit better established, isn't it, than talking about the New Yorkers or the Parisians. So even though you're talking about modern Romans by saying when in Rome rather than the classical Romans, the concept of talking about the Romans as a group feels more familiar. Do people call modern day dwellers of Rome? Romans. That would be funny.

That would be funny. It's the Catholic Church because it had many centres of power in Italy. And in about 387 AD, St Ambrose, who was the Bishop of Milan and also the patron saint of bees and wax refiners. Right. Those are probably the same group at one point. Yeah, good point. It's synergistic

industries. I mean, at one point, was there then some sort of union strike of wax workers? Yeah, well, not work with those bees! Those guys are dicks. He advised St. Augustine, he said, when I go to Rome, I fast on Saturday, but here, i.e. Milan, I do not.

Do you also follow the custom of whatever church you attend if you do not want to give or receive scandals? Oh, how tedious. It's a religious question all along. He meant it's not worth getting all het up and disobeying the Roman church in Rome. You know, it's just not a battle worth fighting because it's not important. You might as well just do their silly little rituals. But you don't have to in Milan. Why don't you just go with the flow of whatever place you're in? That was his implication. Now, that's interesting because the sort of undercurrent of assimilation

behind the phrase has always troubled me slightly without even knowing that it was a religious thing. So when people say, you know, do as the Romans do when in Rome, I kind of think, well, why should I do it? You don't want to stick your head below the parapet. You're only man. No, why can't I do as Londoners do, because I'm from London, whilst having empathy and understanding

for what the Romans do? Like, not insult what the Romans do, but I am a British person going to Italy. Why should I pretend to be Roman? Why do I have to completely assimilate my culture? Well, I agree, but isn't that the sort of logic that leads to people going on holiday in Rome and then going to the nearest place that serves fish and chips for dinner? Because they don't want to

experiment with the local food. I remember meeting a guy on the street in Feneraki who came up to me and saying, food's rubbish, Andy. They don't do pizza like good British pizza. I was like, there's so much wrong with that statement. I don't even know where to begin. Don't begin.

It's just better that way. I suppose that's an acceptable viewpoint, Ollie, as long as you've found that sweet spot in between being brash and out of place and feeling like you have to sublimate your own identity in order to fit in. Because actually, when the Romans are here, I like to see their Italian passion. Yeah. I don't like to see them completely pretending to be Londoners. You don't like them keeping their arms rigidly by their sides as they talk. Exactly.

Hello, I'm Morrissey. Oh, I haven't got a stitch to wear. I'm always nude. So I called Helen and Ollie on 0208 123 5877. But then a strange fear gripped me and I just couldn't ask. OK, here's a question from Adam from Partridge Green in West Sussex. It sounds picturesque. It does.

He says, Helen, answer me this. Is it true you have to have your appendix out before going on an expedition to the South Pole? I'm not planning on going anywhere. I'm just curious. Yeah. If you want to go to East Sussex, Adam adam you have to have one of your lungs removed um it's the driest windiest coldest continent in the world it's plausible isn't it this um it would suggest that you have also had to be a super being that was not going to have any other sudden ailments as well and i have actually looked

into the medical guidelines issued by various bodies such such as NASA. And there doesn't seem to be any implication that you have to have your appendix out before. But I'd imagine that if you have any previous appendix tenderness and stuff, they would probably frown upon you going. Well, this is it. I mean, if you fall over in Antarctica, being rescued takes not 10 minutes, but days. Yeah. And sometimes they can't get you out because of storms and winter and and stuff like that there are medics at various bases in antarctica but i think at the south pole itself uh there isn't somebody that can do more than first aid essentials but in 1961 um 27 year old leonid rogozov took out his own appendix because he was the only medic. And so he thought, well, I have to do it. And a mechanic assisted him.

Cut it out himself. It's a bit like Prometheus. Spoiler. That's pretty amazing, actually. But what they do all seem to be insistent upon is that your vaccinations are very up to date, like MMR and polio and tetanus and flu because the communities are so tightly packed. If one person gets it, everyone's going to get it in the base. What about getting a psychological

test, Helen, because you're clearly a lunatic if you want to go to the South Pole. I think, even if you're not a lunatic, Ollie, I think the isolation and all of the whiteness and maybe the permanent darkness if you're there in winter can have an effect. And a wind chill temperature colder than minus 100 degrees Fahrenheit. Visibility less than

100 feet. I think you've got to enjoy extreme weather. What is there to enjoy 100 feet? I think you've got to enjoy extreme weather. What is there to enjoy in that? I get that you'd enjoy afterwards telling people you've done it. It's peaceful. Yeah, no one's going to bother you. That is true. But there's no dentist in Antarctica, so they all

seem very keen that you take care of your teeth before you go. When people are involved in a hideous injury where they lose part of their body or their teeth fall out, first thing people say, freeze it. So you're involved in a hideous injury, where they lose part of their body, or their teeth fall out, first thing people say, freeze it. Freeze it. So you're sorted from that point of view, aren't you?

No problem finding the ice. If so, you accidentally chopped your cock off. Yeah. Probably keep it fresh for months. It's going to be in perfect condition for 100 years, probably. Here's a question from Emily in Exeter, who says, my housemates and I were watching the Jim Carrey classic,

Dumb and Dumber. I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh, Emily. You're right. It is a classic. Should she laugh? I mean, is it a funny film? I've never seen it. I saw it when I was 14

and I thought it was okay, which makes me think it's probably not very good. Yeah, that's not a ringing endorsement from 14-year-old Olly Mann. Well, I mean, it's for 14-year-olds, isn't it? And if I thought it was just okay then,

it probably isn't amazing. She says, Olly, answer me this. Are there any legal restrictions on covering a car in fur to look like a massive dog? Does that happen in the film? Yeah, they drive around in this thing called mutts, mutt cuts.

Right. It's a car that looks like a dog. Well, in Hollyoaks, Jambo used to drive around in a car that looked like a mouse. It's basically fine so long as the number plate is still visible. So long as you don't mind looking like a complete twat. Well, I don't know about that. I always really like seeing cars that look like hot dogs or... Or the ones that are covered in AstroTurf and little flowers.

Yeah, those are cool. Well, Innocent Smoothies have some like that, don't they? Ice cream vans, they've done up like that. If we ever get a car, Martin, would you like it to be corduroy? I can't imagine that all weather particularly well. But the thing is, I don't think people would be interested in you doing that unless it was the Mutt Cuts van from Dumb and Dumber. At that point, people get very excited because the charisma of movie vehicles is

extraordinary isn't it well we know because we went to cars of the stars now sadly no longer with us oh what happened to it it just got too amazing for its own good um but it is i went to see skyfall last weekend and like undoubtedly like the biggest round of applause and yes people were clapping in the cinema even though definitely someone just couldn't hear them um biggest round of applause, and yes, people were clapping in the cinema, even though definitely San Lentos couldn't hear them. Boom! Biggest round of applause of the whole movie is when the Aston Martin comes out. Oh, for God's sake.

And it is like its own character. It's got that kind of charisma. People want that. Does he get a cheer as well when he orders a martini shaken, not stirred? They very cunningly do it, actually. So it cuts to him receiving the drink from a pretty lady and then saying,

that's absolutely perfect, or something along those lines. Do you say, excuse me, I didn't ask for an apple teeny so you see the barmaid sort of shit can i call her a barmaid it's in like a glamorous macau location mixologist yeah thank you you see the mixologist shaking it not stirring it and then giving it to him he says that's absolutely perfect so you don't see him say the line i would imagine a lot of mixologists would not allow a martini to be shaken not stirred because that dilutes the martini. He drinks vodka martini as well, doesn't he? Which is like, what's the point? Gin martini all the way.

Tastes like nothing. The customer's always right, Martin. Particularly if the customer's James fucking Bond. You've got to give him what he wants. I'd like a little bit of ketchup in the top and some horseradish. Do you think he'd have similar sort of radical ways of ordering sort of other conventional drinks? I'd like a lager top but with coke

I'd like a burger where you've chewed the whole thing And spat it out onto the plate Bloody Mary, three parts Tabasco I'm Humphrey And On the Twitters I follow At Helen and Ollie.

I should clarify, when I say at, I don't mean the preposition at. I mean one of those A's with a little surrounding circle of the sort that used to designate the price of food per foot. It's time for a question from Carl from London who says, There I was, fondly reminiscing of the birth of the internet. Carl, were you in the opening ceremony of the Olympics? Where my mind was cast upon those strange emails that claimed you would meet someone beautiful if you only forwarded the message onto ten people

or your pet would die in three days if you didn't. Mm-hm. My aunt used to fall for this all the time. Oh, really? And she used to send me round these, like, chain letter email things. She probably didn't believe it, but she probably thought, well, it wouldn't hurt just in case it turns out to be true. No, I think she genuinely found them amusing in some way,

even though they don't contain anything to actually amuse you. Maybe she initiated them. Maybe she spent her spare time typing out malicious chain letters actually that has kind of thanks to facebook you don't get so many of those mass emails that are about nothing anymore do you i think it's probably certain age groups yes my grandma still gets it this is not how we use the internet now anyway carl continues i realized this was merely a digitization of the old letter forwards, and it has evolved into similar Facebook posts, but I

don't get why these occur, because it's not like spam, which tries to get you to buy a penis enlarger or give your bank account details to a Nigerian prince. So Helen, answer me this. Where do these come from, and what's the incentive to start them? I assume the incentive to start one

is just because you're a bit of a shit stirrer and you don't have anything better to do like a proper hobby craft but it's true isn't it it's so much easier to understand if the incentive is to spread a virus which actually by the way sometimes it is isn't it there is you know there's a hostile link in there somewhere but it's like a virus made out of human discontent i think what it might be actually is it's kind of people who want to feel that they're having an impact on the world. So with something like this, if you create something that's successful enough,

it will come back to you. And that must be, for those kind of weird people, quite satisfying. Yeah. It's like creating an internet firewall before they really existed, wasn't it, though? Do you know who you need to blame for this? It's the Methodists.

Oh, boy. I was not expecting that. No, I didn't think you were. That's why I built it up like that. It was the Methodist I was not expecting that No I didn't think you were, that's why I built it up like that It was the Methodist Academy of Women Missionaries In Chicago in 1888 And they needed money Because missionaries have very

Swaggy lifestyles They had a lot of bling to buy So they sent out letters Asking for donations and also requesting That the people copy the letter and send it on To three other people So back back then before photocopiers copying the letters handwriting it out yeah maybe they had carbon paper so you could do two copies in one go but that's it max and you're you're asking a lot of the people you're sending that to aren't you it's not like just forwarding a

just giving link or something it's a bother so anyway a lot of people copied this ruse then then i suppose at some point in the 20th century it turned malevolent. No fault of the Methodists. But kind of gently malevolent because usually it's used in sort of high schools

and stuff like that, isn't it? Yeah, but those are the worst because children don't have the same conscience that adults do about saying, your mother's going to die if you don't send on this letter.

Did you ever get one? A paper chain letter? Yeah, but I never actually forwarded it. I would would have loved that i stopped the chain ha ha ha well look what happened to your life i would have loved that because i was the kind of kid that was like sort of borderline ocd you're like a lot of kids i did the thing where i had to like turn the light on and off six times or you know if i don't finish singing this song by the time i walk down this step then my grandmother's gonna die that kind of thing it's because you're an only child and you needed to make up games because you were lonely.

Yeah, maybe that. But the point is, if someone had written to me and said, forward this letter or your cat's going to get it. I would have thought, new friend. I would have totally done it. And I would have quite enjoyed

the gameplay of that, the thrill of it, you know, the anxiety of it in a way. Would you ever start one now? No, of course not. Even a nice one. If you say, forward this to three friends and you'll get a lovely present on Friday.

Well, the thing is, in this viral world, a lot of things that people are doing on the internet are analogous to this kind of thing anyway, aren't they? I mean, in a way, the Kony 2012 stuff earlier this year was like a modern chain letter, wasn't it? That was people forwarding it so that they felt like they'd done a good thing, click like, haven't really done anything, but they feel like they've done their bit and they've told other people about it.

Well, hey, maybe we could entreat our listeners to do that. We could say, tell three of your friends about Answer Me This. Yeah, or preferably all of your friends on Facebook and Twitter. Do not rest until they've all heard the good news. That's right. If you'd like to link to

us, we are at HelenAndOli on Twitter, or we have a page on Facebook.com slash AnswerMeThis. It's a good a page on facebook.com answer me this it's a good time on there it's okay but it's less good than it was when people used to see everything we wrote without us paying for it yeah we're not willing to pay don't try and blackmail us facebook it's not our fault that you launched a free service and now it's not working out so well tried to commoditize it with money yeah but we're also trying to commoditize this free service with money you can buy our back episodes and our albums if you go to our website answer me this podcast.com

and also on there we have got our email address and our phone number and our skype id so you can send us your lovely questions yes and also on that website now is a lecture that we gave yes at the next radio conference we did a 20minute romp through our life in podcasting and all the entertaining things that have befallen us as a result of making this show for six years. The talk was called The Perils of Podcasting. And we had some wicked PowerPoint slides, which Helen did. It's my first PowerPoint presentation.

It was very good. It's like an inconvenient truth, but with photos of a guy's nutsack. That was what I was aiming for. An inconvenient nut. So look at that. The video's on our site. That was what I was aiming for. An inconvenient nut. So look at that. The video's on our site and we'll see you next week.

Bye!