Answer Me This! - AMT236: Wet Bars, Flamenco and 1650-Year-Old Wine

Episode Date: November 8, 2012

Wet Bars, Flamenco and 1650-Year-Old Wine Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Terms and conditions apply. Visit bmo.com slash theiporter to learn more. when I am pissed Answer me this Answer me this Helen and Dolly Answer me this Walker, walker da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da That's right, it's always good to start with a joke Oh, I thought we were doing the all noise effect Answer me this episode

You know, we're looking for a high concept We did think once we do a musical episode I still want to do that, maybe that'll be our last ever episode It's a lot of work, isn't it? Last ever episode. That's the way we see our fellow listeners. But anyway, it is always good to start with a joke, and here is a joke.

Okay. It's from Archie, who says, I heard a joke the other day and didn't find it at all funny, but everyone else did. At this point, I'd usually ask you if you're watching Justin Lee Collins. But he's had a rough few weeks, so I won't. So, Helen, answer me this. why is this joke funny ready two nuns are in the bath it's funny so far that's a good start it's a good start strong one says to the other where's the soap

the other says yes it does rather doesn't't it? Helen, answer me this. Why is this funny? I can't answer that. Why is it funny? Where's the soap? I think it's a pun on where's as in W-H-E-R-E apostrophe S and where's as in where's down the soap. That is tenuous.

Yeah. Well, she's wearing it down because she's shoved it up herself. Relentless funny scrubbing. Have you not heard this joke? No. This is a really old wanking joke. This is a classic wanking joke it's a crap joke though if she's wanking i mean i know she's a nun so she's barely going to talk about it

at all especially in front of other nuns i don't know what goes on in convents nonetheless nonetheless if it's hey it is good to start with a joke nonetheless uh if it's self-pleasure why do that when you've got someone else in the bath with you why not pleasure each other with your toes because then you'd have no one to say the funny line to oh i see yes of course because that's the main point about masturbation isn't it to come up with a funny line afterwards yeah i've always thought so also in this context one of the nuns might be genuinely thinking oh i can't find the soap and the other nun might have misinterpreted and thought oh you know i sometimes when i'm alone in the bath masturbate and maybe this this nun is

masturbating now and I haven't noticed because she's a very subtle masturbator. It's a classic misunderstanding, isn't it? I wonder whether nunneries really go in for baths or whether they go in for a less indulgent form of washing. Yes, absolutely. What if the nuns have got liquid soap? Then this joke really doesn't work.

It absolutely doesn't. Here's a question from Johnny who says my wife insists insists on buying a certain brand of washing detergent gel because of the smell but she his wife buys a different brand fabric softener which has a different fragrance what is she playing at divorce her i once bought an alternative brand detergent and got into a whole heap of trouble. Were you doing that to spice up the marriage? Like tonight, dear, I thought we'd try something different.

Meadow fresh. I've tried to convince her, says Johnny, that it does not make any difference how the detergent smells. It's not about that. Because the softener will give our garments their final fragrance. And as long as that is the smell she likes, it's irrelevant. I can't believe we've talked about fabric softener twice on this podcast this year. Too, too many times. So, Helen, answer me this.

Does it make any difference which fragrance detergent you choose if you were using an alternatively fragrant softener? If not, why do they have different fragrances for washing detergent when the smell will be masked by the softener Thus negating the need for fragrance detergent Because not everyone uses softener Indeed Some people like their clothes rough

Some people, as we've said before, don't want softener on their towels Because it inhibits absorption Three words, first world problem Four words, don't give a shit I mean, look You can Oh god You're right that you can start with a sort of blander uh initial detergent if you're going to use a softener with a fragrance

that you like and you're right that the the vice versa also applies if you've got a nice smelling fragrant uh detergent then you don't need a softener with a with a smell to it at all that that's that's all common sense the point Johnny, is that not everyone's like you. Some people are using one or the other. Yeah. And also, Johnny, two points. One,

choose your battles. If you're going to argue with your wife, make it count. Yeah. Let it be that she'll allow you to sleep over at your friend's house two nights a week. Not this. Yeah.

Second point, maybe she likes the particular combination made by the two fragrances being commingled. Yeah. Second point, maybe she likes the particular combination made by the two fragrances being commingled. Yes, that's possible, isn't it? We shouldn't rule it out. Maybe she likes Ocean Waves and Freesia, but no one company makes the combination of fragrances she enjoys so much.

I think you've particularly got to worry when you see her perforating one of the little gel sachets and rubbing it on her neck and wrists. Hello, this is Luke from Tunbridge Wells. And Nadine from Somerset. one of the little gel sachets and rubbing it on her neck and wrists. Hello, this is Luke from Tunbridge Wells. And Nadine from Somerset. Hello, no, the answer is this. Would Martin like to play at our wedding next October?

Oh, Martin, a rare treat, a job offer, a gig for the band. Hold, wait, Martin. Bear in mind, we can represent you in this conversation, so don't say anything you regret later. Don't put all your cards on the table we're taking 15% now aren't we don't go for a straight yes or no perhaps think about it

but you know suggest which way you might swing but leave it open to interpretation that money could be exchanged it's also influenced by length of set distance to wedding yeah exactly decency of snacks

what other work have you sacrificed Martin when you when you came to go to this wedding when you could be doing other things I'm very I'm very grateful for your this opportunity that's a great first answer yes good grateful

I'm a serious recording artist the saying of the ladies are not available for weddings and bar mitzvahs however while you say that but you have performed at several weddings before

I have made exceptions you did magic dance from labyrinth at weddings oh my god it's almost worse to be getting married so I can have Martin do that

I'm a serious folky and I remember at one wedding of Mary and Alistair who listened to this podcast Mary had really sweetly requested that Martin play a particular song for Alistair when he came into the reception from the photos. Was this the Jose Gonzalez one that Martin was practising for ages? Yes.

Not a straightforward song. No, it's a lot of finger picking. It's quite a challenge. I think I did a passable draw at it. So he was supposed to be entertaining the people inside the marquee whilst the photos were happening outside. But then when Alistair at it so he was supposed to be entertaining the people inside the marquee whilst photos were happening outside but then when alistair was coming in he was supposed to strike into this song as a lovely surprise and so about four times people are he's coming in now he's coming in i'm not sure whether alistair ever got to hear that song a similar thing happened actually at my friend jillian's wedding i was the best man yeah and i don't know why they did this but like we don't want to have a first wedding dance be officially announced because that's cheesy right that was their

decision it can't be embarrassing exactly and they they didn't want to make a big deal out of it because it's only their wedding day i mean no biggie but they had actually gone to dancing lessons and choreographed to dance oh it's this this just a trifle we dance like this all the time what they thought would be fun is that the dj would play a particular song which would be the trigger song for them because they were kind of at this point in the meal going around and schmoozing with people on different tables yeah when the dj plays this particular trigger song that means they should drift over during the song to the dance floor so that then when they just happen to be near the dance floor the next song would start and then they'd start dancing is anyone going to notice well this is

what i was worried about ellen and i was like well that's fine but you know i should probably make some kind of announcement otherwise people carry on talking so they were like yeah good idea we'll start dancing and then after the when it gets the chorus whatever you say ladies and gentlemen join the bride and groom or whatever so i was like fine so anyway the whole way through dinner i'm like shitting myself waiting for this song to come on like i can't relax because i don't know when the song's gonna be and the dj was like he really couldn't handle it like he kept coming up to me going right three songs we're going to play the song yeah two songs we're going to play so i'm trying to eat so much pressure so anyway he played the song and of course they just completely ignored it because

they were like talking to everyone around the room oblivious to the trigger song what was the trigger song it was it was something classic like an ella fitzgerald or something maybe every time they hear that song now they'll be like, I'm sure we've got to be somewhere. Some sort of hypnotic reaction. They'll run to the front of the cafe and just start jiving.

If you've got a question Email your question To answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer this podcast at googlemail.com It's great! So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On

Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Here's a question from Georgia from Derbyshire, who is 15. And yet her question is this. Ollie, answer me this. What is the oldest bottle of wine in the world? Who does it belong to?

And can you buy it? Well, she can't until she's 18. That's right, yes. And she can't anyway unless she's a billionaire. Oh. Because it belongs to the Pafals Historical Museum. Pafals? If you're from Pafals, I'm sorry if I'm saying it wrong, it's in Germany, so maybe it's Fals.

Anyway, it's there. It's a 1650-year-old bottle. So it's from the Roman era. Isn't it just going to be a tiny bit of dreg in the bottom now? It looks rank. It was buried with a Roman nobleman in 350 AD. Oh, I didn't have the sandwich that was buried with it.

Sealed with wax. And it contains what's described as a white liquid. So they reckon it's white wine. They're hoping, aren't they? That it's not his seed. That would be a good film, wouldn't it? They dig up the Roman's tomb and there's a bottle of his semen

that is miraculously preserved and then all these little centurions are reproduced. And then you get Roman descendants, yeah. But in the 21st century... Like Jurassic Park, but with Romans. Or California Man. You know, obviously there may be others out there,

but that's probably the oldest. But there surely is a time after which a valuable old wine has passed its peak and therefore its value plummets. Well, this is the thing. So that's valuable because oldest. But there surely is a time after which a valuable It's not drinkable. old wine has passed its peak and therefore its value plummets. Well, this is the thing. So that's valuable because of its age, not because of anything

like its taste or quality. Valuable like a shard of pottery of the same period. Exactly, yeah. So if we were to take the question in the spirit of which it's intended Spirit. I think she means

what's the oldest nice bottle of wine in the world? Still potable. The most expensive Yeah. went for £109,000 Jesus. of wine in the world still potable the most expensive yeah went for 109 000 pounds jesus last year in the recession and that is only from 2004 it's an australian cabernet sauvignon uh which is from the penfolds 2004 block 42 it's a descendant of the oldest continuously

producing cabernet sauvignon vine ever it was exported to australia from france and it's still there now and it still produces a tiny amount of wine every year but the point is since the most valuable is only from 2004 if it's any older than like 1950 it's probably not worth very much because then it starts going rank oh i disagree there i bet there are bottles of some wine probably quite strong wine or maybe brandy from the 1800s brandy's a bit different I've had a wine that's about 80 years old and it was horrible. It'd gone off. And the thing is, it's a shame because people buy it for people for their birthdays. Or investment.

Yeah, but when people do that thing of like, oh, granny, you're 100. Here's a bottle of champagne that was created on the day you were born. Maybe that will kill you off. It will probably kill you off because it's going to be disgusting. Yeah. That's never happened to me though. No one's ever given me a 22nd of April 1980 vintage.

Hey, now I know what to not get you for your birthday. Hey, I've got this can of V8 that's way past its start date. We've got another question about alcohol, sort of. Great. It's from Sophie and Eric from Tallahassee who say, Helen, answer me this. Why is a wet bar called a wet bar?

Is it like a wet nurse? Is it for breastfeeders? Yeah, they don't serve through optics. It's all through the nips. Is that one of your swim up trips? Oh gosh. You've been to a swim up bar recently, haven't you? I have, on holiday. Yeah. And I remember before you went, you said, I don't think I'm going to be very keen on a swim up bar. Did you enjoy it? What I was concerned about

is exposing my moobs and getting cold at the same time as drinking. Couldn't you prop them on the bar? Well, actually it was fine because everyone else there was uglier than me. Because we went out of season. So we were the youngest people in the hotel by about 20 years. Yes, nailed it.

So I didn't feel at all embarrassed. Like there were people around me that they had testicles down by their ankles. I wasn't bothered at all. A swingers holiday of a different sort. So yeah, swim up bars are awesome. Loved it. Did you?

Yeah, except they serve nuts as kind of like, you know, complimentary bar snack. But if you've got damp pool fingers pool fingers yes and dropping nuts all over the swimming pool which is very nice and there's already 20 types of urine in the nuts and in the pool yeah it's double piss and i just you know after every drink it's a bit weird to then dive down to the bottom pick up your nuts that you've dropped as it were yeah just felt wrong uh anyway a wet bar is a bar you know how people have them in houses maybe hotel rooms oh yeah and a wet bar is a bar, you know how people have them in houses, maybe hotel rooms? Oh, yeah.

And a wet bar is one that has running water and a sink, and a dry bar is essentially just a glorified booze cupboard. Ah, okay. So all home bars basically are dry bars, unless you're Hugh Hefner or something. Yeah, and I suppose there's a bit of a premium on the sink because it means that you can have a flunky washing out your glasses as fast as you can drink. What happens if you've got proper, like, ales plumbed in? Is that still a dry bar? That's not running water, Martin. That is beer.

That's running beer. What about if you've got blood drips there? Does that count? What about if I cry? I mean, does the sink have to be integral to the design or can it just be next to it? I'd imagine it has to be within the geography of the bar. Yeah, the geography, yes.

It's a dry bar that's in your dancer's toilet. Yeah, I see the issue, yeah. What's your favourite question from our first three years that's really made you go for? Tim Curry or Tim Rice? Disposing of dead mice? Dave from Smethwick on Kosher Law? If you like fact or bawdy talk? Or just a soundtrack for your walk? Thank you. Sick or iTunes And if you don't You'll get a visit in the night From our band of Hired goons

Hired goons Whack, whack, whack To what they say If you value your knees Time to take a question Off our phone line The number for which is 02081235807

You can Skype answer me this as well, if you want to call in from abroad and not pay vicious overseas callsies. Let's see who's on that number today. Hello, this is Robin, who is currently in bed on her day off. Helen, Ollie and Martin the Soundman, answer me this. At the end of flamenco dancing, why do the dancers say ole? I ask this because I was in spain over the summer holidays and i asked lots of spanish people this but they didn't actually know but it obviously seemed to be quite an important part of the flamenco dance as i said it's an awful lot like

many aspects of flamenco the ole is hard to explain in a concrete way because it's kind of a primal exclamation of joy and celebration of the music and communication with the musicians and with the audience but it seemed to be a really very instinctual art form obviously a lot of technique involved as well in the dancing and the musicianship but a lot of it is just really about the feeling inside yeah okay fine well that's that's one explanation the other thing is isn't it just like the traditional spanish way of going that's all folks it's finished it's that isn't it i was wondering whether it meant something like the end but apparently it might be derived from the word because it was like a call to god about this incredible, worshipful thing he was doing.

Yeah, because there was a big influence of sort of Moorish culture on Spain, wasn't there? Because it was... You're trying to say Moorish, but it sounded more like Moorish. So yeah, Frank Moorish is a massive... Here's a question from Ricky, who says, Helen, answer me this.

Where does the word Roger, as in the affirmative, when speaking to someone on a radio come from? I mean, what's wrong with saying okay or I've got it? Well, it can sound a bit tetchy. It's like, I've got it, okay. It's also that it's a word that you don't say in any other circumstance unless, unfortunately, you are talking to someone called Roger. But if you're not, then it's clearer than saying yes

because if you say yes, you know, what if there's a lag in the radio and you're saying yes to the previous command? And it's a bit hissy. And also it's because Roger is from that alphabet, you know, the Sierra Echo whiskey thing. In that alphabet, Roger means R, and that stands for received. So it's like message received. Imagine if they spelt out all of received using that alphabet.

Roger, Echo, Charlie, Undergate, Echo. I've got it! I've got it, all right! And then Wilco, which is the traditional riposte, is a kind of contraction of the words will comply. So it's not going, yeah, I've heard this out country band, I think you should check out Wilco. You know the other use of the word Roger as well. Sex Roger.

Yeah, the sex Roger. So do you suppose that that derives from the Roger meaning received and their partner is the recipient or do you think it's because the name roger used to mean spear no it probably goes from received i think that's a nice even if that's not the real origin i think it's nice we've got an email now from colin from coventry oh that's like a children's series isn't it colin from coventry even more so helen because he's a postman. Yeah. Which seems perfect for a children's character and Pat's had the monopoly

for a long time. It's time he got shoved out of the way. Well especially with the way things are going. Yeah absolutely. I'm a postman and I find myself

walking into a lot of spider webs. I'd imagine that is one of the hazards of being a postman. That is an occupational hazard I have never considered before. No I've never thought about that.

But when you think about it you think oh they get bad backs postmen because they're carrying bags all day. And they get never thought about that. But when you think about it, you think, oh, they get bad backs, Postman, because they're carrying bags all day. And they get bitten by dogs, maybe. Yeah, sure. But all those are clichés, really, aren't they? And probably things that Postman deal with in the first few months of working, whereas the spider's

web thing, that's probably once a week. Ah, there's a spider web in my face. And it's damp. It's like a ghost hand clutching at my face. He says, I figure this is because the spiders have been up all night Making their webs Well it only takes them an hour but they do make them in the evenings And that as I'm up early

I encounter them first They've been waiting for you Colin They're like I'm going to get him and I'm going to eat his head So Helen asked me this Do spiders get pissed off When I destroy their long laboured traps They're probably a bit hacked off That you're not a fly or something that they can eat.

But the average spider, an orb spider, which is the one you're most likely to encounter on your forays to people's letterboxes. Or as you might call it, your post run. I'm just off on a foray to deliver some special delivery packages. Your job, your career. They use their

webs generally for a day and then they build a new one because it doesn't stay sticky long long enough so actually they're designed to do this sometimes they uh repair it if the web's still good yeah of course yeah they patch it up a bit and oftentimes the spiders eat the web uh after they've finished with it because it's useful protein so in a way you're mashing it up for them colin which is very considerate It's like you're working in an old people's home and pureeing the food. Hugo, Hugo, come here. Good boy. Okay, sit, sit.

Good boy. All right, roll over, roll over. Good boy. All right, answer me this. Answer me this. Come on, Hugo. Answer me this. No, not beg. Answer me this. I'm sorry, Sue, but this isn on Hugo Answer me this No not beg Answer me this

I'm sorry Sue But this isn't working for me Can we go back to doing the sexy schoolgirl roleplay instead Here is a question from Jack in Nottingham Who says Ollie answer me this Why do passwords expire I get that they're supposed to be more secure

If they get changed every 90 days Then the maximum time of cyber terrorists Can use your login for is a meager 89 days but my council is full of older workers who just put their current password on a post-it note on their screen oh that'll trick oh this somewhat negates the intended security benefit no it doesn't thank you it doesn't does it martin this man's an idiot exactly the change of the point of changing your password isn't to protect it from people who can walk past the post it on the desk it's people that are based in completely different countries with computers 90 days is not so that they have 89 days to commit fraud it's so they only have 90 days

to crack the password if you have it indefinitely they can crack it well are you gonna let jack have his rant oh sorry my bank doesn't ask me to change my password regularly so why oh why am i expected to remember a password from the following logons xbox live amazon 12 applications and email addresses across two jobs okay i think we know how this email goes social media utility datings on the phone my ass but itunes lots of itunes asked me five security questions all of which must be different and are easily known by flatmates girlfriends and pretty much anyone i know but you're just being anti-password aren't you you have to have a system would you rather it's

all free and easy jack i mean jack does kind of have a small point uh which is that the systems that rely on resetting passwords regularly yeah by their very nature you're more likely to forget them because you reset it every whatever it is they also tend to be the systems that have the more simplified password prompts so they're the ones that a hacker could click oh i forgot my password and ask you a really straightforward thing what's your name yeah because that's how they got sarah palin is it someone hacked into sarah palin's email address and then they said i forgot i forgot my password and i'm whatever it was sarah palin hotmail.com and the question was what school did you attend and it's like well they knew what town she was from in alaska so they know what school she's attending yeah and also

facebook must open up a lot of these things as well oh mother's maiden name yeah yeah of course probably even first pet because you get all these people going my blues name is my first pet plus this adjective that means an extreme weather whereas if you never change your password you always have the same one for 20 years actually you don't need to write it down anyway you don't need to be prompted in a way it is safer the thing is you've got a very good tip which you told me which i thought was very clever it probably wasn't mine i probably nicked it from someone else because i hacked into their computer and looked in their file mark tips you said that for example one thing you can do is your password for the sainsbury's website yeah save it on your phone as john sainsbury

yeah that kind of thing this is my mother's technique you know for things that you need to remember like um your bank account number yeah because if it's a six digit number say save it with half of a familiar phone number so you look at it you're like okay that's the second half of my phone number so the other part is the useful bit in my file of facts yes i still have a file of facts you really do i choose memorable birthdays of my family to write different passwords down. So I know that if I need to get into my bank account, it's dad's birthday. But Jack's not going to like that because I think he wants the abolition

of the whole password system. Yeah, but what does he want? Retina scanning. Exactly. He wants the future. Whereas that's not ready yet, is it? Otherwise we'd be in it. What if someone steals your fingerprints?

Because there's these things like passport wallet, you know, where a computer program learns all your passwords for you so that you don't even know what they are. And when you go onto a website, it puts it in for you. Why would you trust Password Wallet? You're just giving a third party all of your passwords, aren't you? That third party could be evil. Yeah, I think so.

Well, here is another question of computation from Daniel from Liverpool, who says, Ollie, answer me this. Windows computers use the drive C for the operating system. So what were drives A and B for? Hey, it's a proper nerd's question. Business in the front, party in the back, isn't it, in the Windows operating system?

They were for, believe it or not, they were for floppy disks. Remember A being the floppy disk drive? Tell us all about it, Grandad. Yeah, okay, in that case, your computer didn't have, wasn't big enough to have a B floppy disk drive. Tell us all about it, Grandad. Yeah, okay, in that case, your computer didn't have, wasn't big enough to have a B floppy disk drive. Ah, your computer had a small vagina.

So it had an A and a C. Why would you want to have two floppy disk drives? Because if you were running a really powerful computer where you switch between floppy disks to backup information. I can't imagine that. So if you needed to backup, you could switch between disk drives. So that's why it had A and B on the more powerful machines. Wow. Yeah, you know, just allowing for the incredible awesome power of two floppy disk drives.

Tyler from Cambridge. Ellen and Ollie asked me this. I'm in Heathrow Airport waiting to go to Sweden and all I can see around me is so many places selling baggage. Surely in the departure lounge of an airport this isn't the right place to sell baggage, as you've inevitably got some and it's stuffed in the hull of a plane.

Why on earth do they sell baggage in places like this? Isn't it more appropriate to do this in a shopping centre? It's not the least appropriate place to buy baggage, is it? It's not particularly an appropriate space to sell aftershave, but they're big on that. It's targeting the market. They know that everyone who's in an airport has probably bought a bag so you're looking at the bag audience there you might want a bag to put in all your new aftershaves yes how do you how do you ship baggage then if you buy a big suitcase on these shops a lot of airports will allow you to ship the luggage home thus negating the discount you got from

buying it in the departure lounge i mean the point is that you've got to do something in that two hours and you're you're gonna buy whatever's in front of you basically yeah we bought a kettle last time we were traveling to roads what's the matter with you well because i've got it really into tea since i gave up coffee well done and i was like okay i'm actually gonna be a bit upset if we go all the way to roads and there isn't a cat because sometimes there isn't most of the time i'd say and actually it was kind of because this was a nice hotel yeah you know that weird paradox of like three-star hotels and motels always have kettles But actually like four and five-star hotels

Because you can order one on room service Sometimes don't let you make your own tea They're embarrassed to be seen with a kettle Yeah and then suddenly it's like 15 euros every time you want a cup of tea And yet weirdly posh hotels in Las Vegas have an entire kitchenette And that doesn't look classy That's like being in a bedsit Anyway we thought right well we'll ring

our own travel kettle now's the time to buy a travel kettle like the luggage i'm in my comfortably i'm the kind of guy that could own a travel kettle maybe next time i'll get a trouser press i'll tell you what you have to shop around though uh because well you've got two hours to waste well yes but the same kettle as a four pound price differential between boots dixons and the duty free scandal hold on you haven't heard the incredible punchline. What happened? We bought one. Wow!

That's amazing. There's more. Oh, sorry. Wait, there's more. When we got to Rhodes, there was already a kettle in the hotel room. Oh, you told me there was more, but I should have been holding onto my chair a bit more for me. That's more like one of my dad's stories.

Then what happened? No, we had a nice baguette. People always ask one what one does for fun. Well, one enjoys watching Gawk One and A Fish Called Wonder. One is also partial to One Direction

and The Wanted and the short-lived Billy Corgan Bands One. The Answer Me This Jubilee. One hour of Her Majesty's Pleasure. Available now on iTunes. It's time for a question now about insults from Brad in Philadelphia. He says, my wife is a university professor.

That's right. She's got tenure. And part of her job is writing letters of recommendation for students. Oh, that must be really boring. Part of my job as husband is proofreading these letters. Is it? Was that in your wedding vows? The most recent letter was for one of my wife's all-time favourite students who is applying to a programme in England.

My wife decided to inject a little colour at the end of her extremely effusive letter by writing, as the Brits would say, she is the bollocks. All I could think about when I read this was why is my wife calling this amazing student a testicle? She's calling the student more than one testicle. Yeah. A pair of testicles, a scrotum. A full sack.

My wife insisted that the phrase meant one of a kind or very special. I think that's right, isn't it? Very special, yes, or superlative. Not really one of a kind because testicles are very common amongst men. There's probably about 7 billion testicles in the world. But in the end, I,

proofreader husband, convinced her to remove it. Saboteur. However, when she asked me for an alternative, I was stuck. The best I could come up with was different class. That's not necessarily a good thing, is it? Could mean that she was in remedial or something. So, Helen, can you A, confirm that she's the bollocks is not a compliment? I can't confirm that because it is a compliment.

It is. It's all about context, of course. You much more often say the dog's bollocks. Yes, which we covered in episode 93, so we won't revise here. And B, provide an alternative. Yeah, all right. B's knees. Oh, yeah, that's alternative. Yeah, all right. Bee's knees. Oh yeah, that's not bad,

but that's a bit too sweet. No, but that's very English, which is what the wife is going for. Misguided because I think she's gone a bit too slangy given the context. I think the equivalent of this is if we wrote to an American university, we put the bottom of a letter of recommendation

about one of our students. And said, they were the shit. Yeah, they kick ass. The important thing to remember when calling someone the bollocks or the shit is the if you take away the yeah the whole gloss of it changes to something quite negative yes other synonyms uh top notch it's not as good as she's the bollocks come on smashing that's better yes very english top draw top draw much nuts that's the same well yeah but yeah but there's Smashing. That's better, yes. Tip-top. Very English. Top drawer. Top drawer. Mutt's nuts. That's the same, Martin. Well, yeah, but there's absolutely no confusion there.

It's a clear reference to the saying rather than accidentally putting she's bollocks at the end. Although she's nuts would be just as bad as it is. Why don't you use a delightful American colloquialism and say she's the shiz nuts? Must be some very colourful expressions from Philly. Surely. She's the cheese on the steak That's probably what they say in Philadelphia That's right, yeah

Oh yeah, that's a brilliant approximation of exactly what they say But being called cheese is not necessarily a compliment Cheese the bollocks Well if you have a suggestion For what Brad's high-flying wife can call her students To make them sound not only incredible But also delightfully British Yeah, and you don't mind upstaging helen on her own podcast despite the fact that we've provided many examples you think you can do better yeah yeah good luck with that then please no we'd

like to know yes do send us those interested in you trying to upstage me aren't we ollie isn't that what you wanted all along do send us your suggestions all the details of how you can do that are listed on our website answer me this podcast.com the details of how you can send us rude things are also how you can send us questions and we thrive on those so please send some through yeah if you want more podcasts you send more questions and we're all happy that's the deal except for people who don't like this podcast but i don't know why they're listening particularly at this late stage and there's another forthcoming deal which is Martin's got an album out yeah

yeah new Sound of the Ladies which is my band's album and you can pre-order that at thesoundoftheladies.com what's it called Martin? oh it's called The City of Gold and Lead why is it called that Martin?

it's a reference to the John Christopher novel why? it's about inequality in the modern city so Luke from Tumbridge Wells and Nadine from Somerset maybe you could

just pop on Martin's newest long flare at your wedding instead and everyone could stand around gazing at their shoes

and we'll see you next week Olle!