Answer Me This! - AMT239: Skydiving, Australian Christmas, and Spying on your Kids

Episode Date: November 29, 2012

Skydiving, Australian Christmas, and Spying on your Kids Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do I need to bring a bottle to Suzanne Albom party? Has to be this, has to be this A liberty prince designed by Shammy Chakrabarty Has to be this, has to be this Helen and Ollie, has to be this Now those of you who were lucky enough to last it until the end of our podcast last week Not lucky enough, good enough Had the stamina

Yeah the end of our podcast last week. Not lucky enough. Good enough. Had the stamina. Yeah. Then you will have experienced the free song that Martin the Soundman added to the podcast last week under his musical guise, The Sound of the Ladies. You say added as if he sort of snuck along once we'd finished and thought,

I'll just put this here and they'll never notice. Like the Hamburglar. I had their permission. No, he thought, I'm going to give you a little dollop of my art for free because he has a new album out, The City of Golden Lid. Yes, and it's been going very well, hasn't it? You've sold out the RTCD thing.

Yeah, the initial print run has been a cutty thing because it's Papercraft, it's not printing. But it's sold out. I'm going to make some more so you can order some more and then I'll send them out when they're ready. It seems like the exquisite Papercraft has really got our listeners excited even more so than the music, because on Facebook, Rachel says, I haven't bought a CD in years,

because it is the 21st century, yet I really want this now just for the pretty packaging. Somebody else has commented on the pretty packaging. Somebody who just calls themselves Chuh says, Martin is the hottest married guy ever. Wow. So someone likes your packaging, Martin. Can I say, I have had comments

from listeners who've actually listened to the music and enjoyed it as well, so it's not just for the paper crafts. That's a minor point. Come for the paper crafts,

stay for the music. Here's a question from Martin from Bristol who says, while giving blood this morning, I was staring at a photo montage

of people fundraising for organ transplant charities. That's really going to cheer you up, isn't it? They always have to guilt trip you to do one better, don't they? You're bloody giving blood. You know, do they have to be telling you about organ transplants whilst you're doing it?

That doesn't happen where I go to give blood. It's just a town hall where they play some gentle radio station like Heart. He continues. One of the pictures was of some of the staff about to go on a skydive. They were all suited up, parachutes and harnesses tightly strapped, a helmet on their heads. Well, that's only sensible. You do want them to be wearing parachutes for this skydive.

Well, you'd think so, Helen, but Martin from Bristol apparently wouldn't because he says, Helen, answer me this. What is the point of wearing a helmet if you are about to chuck yourself out of a plane at 20 000 feet what is the point of wearing shoes when you're inside the house god's sake martin yeah it's belt and brace isn't it he says if your main and reserve shoots fail you're hardly going to angle yourself head first so that the helmet will save you from fatal injury if your shoots are fine you're still landing and you might need your head to be protected because

it wouldn't take much of a bump for you to hurt yourself really badly without the helmet. I think that's right. What happens if you get stuck in a tree? Your parachute works, you get stuck in a tree, you could get your head scratched or bashed around by branches. Or if you're me, you bang your head on the way out the plane. I'd probably

fall over trying to get myself a martini on the plane before I even jumped out the fucking thing. I'm not sure the planes that you do skydives out of have a full bar. Well, that's why I've never been, Helen. No, it's probably best not to be drunk as well when you're doing a skydive. Apparently also it's very common to get kicked in the head by other skydivers. Oh, really?

So it's a sensible precaution. And it blocks out a lot of the wind because it's so buffety up there. Yeah, it must be really cold and really noisy. It's better than wearing a woolly hat to cut out some of the cold and wind, plus practical on the landing, as we've said. Here is another question falling out of the sky. It's from Sam, who says, recently I went to see Skyfall.

Oh, I see what you've done. Is that your impression of Adele? Well, it's an impression of that song, but in the style of someone doing an impression of Shirley Bassey singing a Bond number. Oh, okay. Whilst it is an excellent film, I found myself unable to concentrate on it after witnessing Daniel Craig

strangle someone underwater. Well, that happens in the pre-title, so you must have been very distracted for the whole film. Well, how do you know

it's an excellent film then, Sam? I'm not sure you'd make a very good film review. I was under the impression that strangling someone stopped them from breathing, causing them to die. Yes.

Yep, that is the purpose. So, Olly, answer me me this can you strangle someone to death underwater or are they simply drowning i don't i don't really understand this question he's saying that because you're strangling them underwater they're not able to breathe anyway because they'd be breathing in water so denying oxygen to their lungs is not going to kill them but the whole point of strangling someone you're also denying oxygen to their brain aren't you they're going to die that way you're putting pressure on the jugular, aren't you? In either method, hypoxia is going to be the cause of death.

It's like saying, my grandmother's got cancer, so if I put a pillow over her face, she died of cancer. Silly. Let's not over-intellectualise this. The point in the opening sequence of James Bond is that at that moment, it's Bond or his assailant who are going to die. And Bond steps in and strangles the bloke to death so that he doesn't swim to the top and kill him, right? Yeah. At the time, he's not worried about the nuanced conversation

of whether it's the drowning or the strangling that's killing him. He just wants to make damn sure he's dead. Do you see? Like, if he shot someone underwater, would you be saying, did he die of drowning? Yeah, exactly. How would he do that? Because the gun had been out there.

It's James Bond, Martin. It's not realistic. Hi, it's Meredith from Lewis here. Helen and Ollie, answer me this. When you make chocolate crispy cakes, is it better to make them out of rice crispies, shredded wheat or cornflakes? It really depends, Meredith,

on how crunchy you want your cake to be. I mean, rice crispies, I think, are best if you want the chocolate flavour to dominate, but they are the least crunchy. Shredded wheat are the most crunchy, but they taste like a bird's nest. And that's why I would say always cornflakes. For me, the cornflakes one, it feels more like homemade grub. Good, honest, homemade cake.

Whereas the krispie, to me, feels a little bit corporate. Really? I think there's a place for rice krispies. If you want a finer texture, rice krispies are easier to flatten, easier to mould into other shapes. On Ace of Cakes, they use Krispy Treats a lot for making an unusual structure that cake is too dense for. What is Krispy Treats? Well, it's what the Americans call Krispy Cakes, but it's not necessarily chocolate flavoured. It might just be like icing sugar and water mixed in. But Rice Krispies in America are called Rice Krispies, surely?

I don't know. I haven't done a study. Sounds like an American name. Like it's got a K in it instead of a C. That's got to come from their exhibit culture. Reich Krispies in America are called Rice Krispies, surely. I don't know. I haven't done a study. Sounds like an American name. Like, it's got a K in it instead of a C. That's got to come from their exhibit culture. Reich Krispies. The Nazi cereal. Well, here's another question of cookery of sorts. Okay.

It's from Paul from Singapore, who says, Ollie, answer me this. What would being microwaved feel like? Oh, what a lovely question, Paul. Why don't you ask your soup? Okay. It would feel a lot like intense sunburn to begin with because all of your nerve endings on your skin

would start burning at once. Microwaves heat water, so wouldn't your blood start to boil? Yes. But it heats from the outside, though. Correct. First, you'd feel like you were crisping up. You'd be getting sunburn second by second.

You'd be blistering. All around your body and start blistering. And then your fat would turn to oil and start burning inside you. And what about your eyeballs? Would they burst quite early on? Because they're all liquidy. Well, the liquid stuff does burst, yeah. Because if you, like, put an egg, a chicken's egg, in a microwave,

it explodes in about 20 seconds. Even a potato. So you're probably looking at 20 seconds before all your organs explode. Great. But before that, your skin's burned and your fat has turned to oil. I'm not convinced you'd explode that quickly. I think as soon as you get to about 60 degrees, all your proteins are denatured,

and you'd probably have brain and organ failure at that point. I think it's fair to say it's pretty rank. I'd say I wouldn't recommend it. You've got a question? Then email your question to answer me this Podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this

Podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this Podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this Podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this Podcast at Googlemail.com So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty.

On Tuesday the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Here is a question from Hannah from Bedford who says, Today when I was walking home from school, I was admiring the Christmas lights.

The Christmas lights of Bedford. Hey, I bet they're not any worse than the Oxford Street ones, which this year are sponsored by Marmite. And there's someone chondering up Marmite. Yeah. Merry Christmas, everyone. I mean, I have seen worse on Oxford Street, but Oxford Street is some of the worst lights in London, I think.

It's appalling. The BBC's political editor, Nick Robinson, turned on the lights where I live. Wow! It shows you the kind of area I live in. That's their version of a celebrity. I've never been to a Christmas lights switching on ceremony. Why would you? I mean, you don't make a big deal when you turn on the lights in your own house, do you?

I do, actually. Do you? I wait for the local papers to turn up. The thing about turning on light ceremonies Is that even if you like the celebrity Who's turning on the lights They don't get to do anything I mean if you like a singer for example

A pop star They're not going to do it They don't even sing So what's what Are you standing there in the cold To see some lights come on Well also someone like Amanda Holden You go and see her turn on the lights

What would you expect Amanda Holden to do of interest Yeah exactly In which case why would you go out To see her turn on some lights Yeah Anyway the lights got Hannah thinking. She says,

I was wondering about whether they have Christmas lights in places like Australia where it doesn't get dark until much later in the evening because, of course, it's high summer

when Christmas hits Australia. It's like literally the middle of the kids' summer holidays when Christmas Day comes along. Then I proceeded to wonder as to whether Australians have the same sort of

Christmas decorations as us as a lot of symbols on the cards are of red robins or snow, which they don't get in Australia around Christmas time because it's summer, and often about 40 centigrade. Then I started to wonder if Australians have their sexual organs on their head, because they do everything upside down down there. Are there toilets on the ceiling, and if so, why don't they get wet? So, Ollie, answer me this.

Do the Australians still link Christmas with snow and wintry images, even though they have a much hotter climate over the festive period? Yeah, of course they do. Yeah, because they're one of our colonies. I mean, she's not asking this question about Argentina, is she? No, exactly. If they were from a country with no concept of Christmas, do they know it's Christmas?

Then that would be different. Yes, they do. But they do. Don't patronise them, please. But it's interesting that Christmas arose as this sort of pagan festival for basically cheering people up when it was really dark and miserable. And now it's spread. In a cultural colonisation, it's spread, say, through the equator.

There's a whole half of the world that has this essentially pointless festival. No, but they might have had a midsummer festival that got aligned with it. What about in the winter, though? What do they do in the middle of winter when they need to cheer themselves up they watch telly much like we do here but i understand that australians still do have a lot of snow centric carols and a lot of decorations are about that but they have barbecues and things like that instead of turkey i mean think about most christmas movies are made in hollywood it never snows there. So that's all fake, isn't it?

But it's part of an image that we all understand. Think about the traditional Christian Christmas card. You know, three... Jesus in a manger in the Middle East. Three old men hanging around a stable to see a baby. Don't make it sound like some weird sex ring now, do I? But basically, that image, the donkey, all that. Yep.

That's not something we can really relate to, is it? That is a Middle Eastern image from thousands of years ago. Well, also, they've whitewashed Jesus, haven't they? Indeed, yes. That's so strange, isn't it? White Jesus. You know, that's an image that people, Christians, associate with Christmas,

even though they can't necessarily relate to it directly. So I think people have the capacity to... To fictionalise. It's like Father Christmas as well. He looks to be beyond retirement age and yet he's still doing a very demanding job like tony hall the new director general hannah has another question she says i was lucky enough to be part of the audience at this year's royal variety performance it was quite a variety yes the name doesn't lie yeah hosting acts from robbie williams to china's Three Tenors and from Ballet de Revolution to Ashley and Pudsey,

the Britain's Got Talent winner and the dog that won it for her. So, Ollie, answer me this. Who decides who gets to perform at this event? And how much say does the Queen or Prince Charles have in the process? Well, there's a bit of controversy about this this year because people were saying that a lot of the acts in the Royal Variety Performance this year were from Simon Cowell's various shows.

So people were saying that Simon Cowell is obviously some sort of evil mastermind who's plotting every single act of the Royal Variety Performance and it's all corrupt. Oh, it's just one stake in his Machiavellian plan to ruin all noises of the world. Whereas, clearly, I mean, you know, of course, if you're putting together a variety show,

which is a concept so outmoded it's barely relevant to anyone under the age of 60... Put your hand on your apron and welcome under one man band with his trousers full of fillets. If you're going to do that and you don't want it to just be Bruce Forsyth and Lionel Blair... You get all these people from X Factor that sound the same as each other. Great variety, well done.

Inevitably, you're going to have people that have been on Britain's Got Talent people from X Factor that sound the same as each other. Great variety. Well done. Inevitably, you're going to have people that have been on Britain's Got Talent and the X Factor because that is the modern variety show. The kind of acts though

are things like Diversity who are a dance act. You've got Ashley and Pudsey who are a dog act. You've got Stavros Flatley who are a sort of comedy dance act. The Queen loves comedy dance. One Direction.

They're a boy band. They are quite different, Ashley. The Queen loves One Direction. She did smile. Did you see the picture of her meeting One Direction? She genuinely looked thrilled to meet them. Harry Styles. I see one has the same hairstyle as one well maybe she'd

heard that he likes a cougar she's still got it so anyway i mean you know that to me is not a surprise they're not going to go scouring for variety acts at spearmint rhino of course they're going to be looking at the lineup of britain's got talent um but the question of how much does the uh does the royal family get involved in choosing the final list? Well, they're not TV producers, are they? Yeah, as you can imagine, not at all. Any event involving the royal family invariably does involve meetings between the palace and the producers. So, of course, there'll be a couple of times a year where someone from the Entertainment Artists Benevolent Fund,

for it is they that organise the performance. Really? Yeah, because it's to raise money for them. So, oh, right, they're not being benevolent by giving stavros flatley a gig no they're being benevolent for paying for stavros flatley to have a pension afterwards um someone from their organization will go and speak to an equerry at the palace and run through what's on the running order in case the palace have any objections but i mean since the whole thing is objectionable basically they're not going to say oh, we really don't like girls allowed.

We were going to get the insane clown posse on this year. I'm assuming that's fine with you, the Queen. Yeah. I got a feeling that it's about that time we take a question from the Skype line muzzletoff. And the number for that is this. Loughhime. Or you can Skype answer me this.

Drank. I've literally no idea what's happening. So big it up. And let's see who's on that line today. Hey, everyone. It's Nick from Hawley and surrey here i was watching some tv adverts last night and after an advert for iceland showing new fingers of lasagna which kind of filled me with an abject horror and also a misplaced sense of

superiority i came to realize that pretty much all ad campaigns for shops are now in full swing for Christmas. Now, between department stores and furniture stores, that's a lot of shops doing a lot of advertising over Christmas. And apart from the odd Elton John cover version, they all seem to use a popular Christmas song. And somehow they always manage to avoid using another store's song choice. So Helen and Ali and Martin the Soundman, answer me this, please. Even though brand rivalry is supposedly at fever pitch over Christmas, is there some secret cooperation between shops to avoid using the same songs as one another? They don't cooperate with each other. What it is, is that each store,

when they license a song for their million pound advert, makes sure that they get exclusivity on it. So you're going to find out pretty quickly whether someone else has already nabbed it. What if they play something like God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, which is out of copyright? Yeah, well, that's fair game.

And I think it's fair to say that any of the supermarkets that choose to use God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen would know perfectly well that other people would be using it too. Well, I doubt Morrison's would use it because their adverts are all sexist. They're like, ha, you think Christmas is easy, but look at mum, your poor indentured slave, mum. Oh, those of you who don't have a mum, you can't have Christmas

because mum's in the back making it magical and no one appreciates her, no one cares. I quite like the bit in the morrison's ad where the mum the the hard put upon stressed out mum is fighting with the turkey in the ring i thought that was quite actually quite a bold image for a christmas advertising campaign for a supermarket turkey is the only one who's paid any attention here's a question from naughty and devious pat from canada oh great she says i recently discovered that i can see all the i messages my two children are sending from their phones on my ipad don't even need to steal their phones and check them out anymore i can just get it delivered to me that's amazing we use the same apple account me and my

kids and during my last update their email addresses were added to my device so once i figured this out i corrected the settings on my ipad and no longer receive their messages but helen answer me this should i leave their messages alone or should i add them back so i can keep tabs on them well pat you had an uncommonly moralistic impulse to disable this function. Oh, don't say that. Is that uncommon? I'd like to think every mum would disable it if they realised they were getting their kids' messages. Yeah, dream on. Let's have a poll of our listeners. You would, wouldn't you?

And therefore, to reverse that decision is worse than if you just let it carry on. Oh, no, that's very interesting. Because that was accident that you were then taking advantage of, whereas this would be deliberate spying. And I think it would be quite hard to live with yourself for doing that. That's a really intriguing distinction because, yes, you've thought

what would be the right thing to do. And now, having decided that one course of action was the wrong thing to do, you would then be choosing to do that, which is different to just letting it happen. The problem is, as well, you cannot do anything with this information. It's like if you'd stolen someone's diary.

Well, no, it's even better. That's a real-time diary, Helen. It's updates on every single thought that they're having in real time. You will probably only learn things that you wish you did not know. Like emoticons. Is that called emoji, actually?

Why can't my kids punctuate and spell? Even if you learn something useful or important, like one of your children is suffering from some extreme private trauma, you can't tell them how you know, because that's showing that they cannot trust you ever again. That's right. That's violating your relationship. I agree, you can't tell them.

But maybe mothers have ways of being there for their children in the right way without having to explain how they know, because they can pretend that they know just through... Mother's intuition. Exactly, yeah, through instinct. I think the content of the majority of children's text messages and iMessages are probably extremely boring. I think that probably is the case, and the problem is when you get one that isn't boring, that's when the danger starts, isn't it? You're unlikely to get one that is um uncontroversial and interesting so i

think just stay away no good can come of this teenage girls in particular uh will tend to sensationalize the stuff that is interesting so the the depiction that you're getting of it in the text message you know it will sound like they're out bonking people and it will sound like people are doing drugs and it will say but actually they're not there's not any qualifying information because it's a short form communication yeah in any case this isn't a very representative sample of what your children are sending because you're only going to see the messages that they're sending to other kids who have iDevices so actually you're only going to see what they're saying to their well-off friends good point which isn't necessarily the most interesting is it it's the one percent isn't it

yeah exactly time for a question from kieran from ireland but living in liverpool what a wonderfully meshed up accent he might have he says i've recently purchased a new pair of shoes this is exciting news isn't it ellen breaking news excellent work and in the box along with my fine leather brogues was a bizarre little paper sachet is it like alice in wonderland drink me or it could be like an firebox where they send you

retro sweets you ever order anything from them no do they send you free retro sweets yeah wow

would that convince you to buy something nah because I don't really want one of those little helicopters that's remote controlled I mean I guess

it's a talking point isn't it I mean here I am mentioning it now on the podcast I wouldn't be otherwise but I do just think why I mean

everyone knows they only cost 10p fizzy cola bottles and yet it works doesn't it it kind of does it makes you happy yeah it does make you happy so it's a bit like the past the parcel version that we used to play as children where there was a fruit gum in between the layers so right yeah just a treat for those who have lost yeah yeah or for those who are yet to win it gives you the winning instinct yeah and in a way you have

lost if you've spent 399 pounds on a para ar drone you've got nothing else in your life yeah we've got those in in your life. Yeah. We've got those in the office. Oh, yeah, we've all been there. Anyway, he continues. On it, on this paper sachet, was written, silica gel, do not eat. Why is that bizarre?

That's in all of the products, really. Everything's got silica gel in it. I've seen this stuff in a few different purchases I've made. Silica gel conspiracy. They're everywhere. Let's not rip into him too much, actually. I guess lots of people have wondered this. He says, Helen Helen answer me this What the hell is silica gel?

What's the purpose of it? And my biggest concern What would happen if I did eat it? Okay well firstly It's silica gel which is just another name For silicon dioxide Sand Exactly

Is it sand? I didn't realise I knew it was granular Actually sand It's the same compound as in sand But it's a lot more porous in its construction Because what Actually sand. It's the same compound as in sand, but it's a lot more porous in its construction because what it's for... It's dryness, isn't it?

It's like absorbing water. And so if your shoes were stored in a particularly damp shoe warehouse or something, they would go a bit gross and the glue would probably start to unravel, whereas the silica gel reduces the humidity by about 40% and then you just throw it away harmlessly. And the reason why they ask you not to eat it

is because it's probably not good for you to have a belly full of sand. Yeah, it's not food, is it? No, and sometimes they add chemicals to it as a dryness indicator because they change colour to show how much water it's absorbed. But why isn't there more silica gel

in things that we want to not get damp like, I don't know, bookshelves? I think it's just because when things are out in your house they're the normal house humidity. Presumably, if you had a damp house, you could keep these packets and line your walls with them. Yeah, well, I was just wondering,

like, could you have, like, in the loft or something, just a massive silica gel bag? Then it swells and your roof pops off. It's worth considering. You know, like a supersized Heston Blumenthal-style one. A magical one, to use the parlance from his ridiculous show. Heston's food panto, as I like to call it. Well, here's another question about something that you should not eat.

It's from Alastair in Glasgow who says, Ollie, answer me this. Is it true that if you swallow chewing gum, it stays in your stomach for five years? No. Oh, because that's the myth that is always peddled around why you shouldn't swallow your chewing gum. Instead, you should stick it to the underside of tables

or you should leave it on the pavement so the council has to pay for it to be jet washed off you dicks gum chewing dicks it's propagated hannon because it's propagated by parents to their children they're trying to discourage their children from constantly chewing gum and to eat their crusts exactly hair on your chest because it's well also it's not very easy to digest that is true yeah It doesn't linger in your stomach For five years It just comes out In a lump of chewing gum

In your turds But that's not very nice Yeah So it is good to Encourage your children To spit their chewing gum out And also Well responsibly

Into a piece of paper Which you then put in a bin Indeed Yes And also To perhaps give them A slight fear of the product So that they don't

Overeat chewing gum Yeah because that can Produce a lot of stomach acid Well also it's just Not very pleasant Is it kids constantly chewing gum no it does concern me though helen that perhaps somewhere there's some sort of weird freaky child like i was uh who might be deliberately swallowing lots of gum so that it does stay in their stomach for five years like so that they have i don't know blowing bubbles out their bum

but it was your boyhood dream to be able to blow bubbles out of your ass wasn't it now i just talk out of it um you know they used to say oh you if you eat a seed like watermelon seed or whatever it will grow in your tree will grow in your stomach i used to do that all the time i used to swallow all the pips and stuff how heavenly it would be i just thought that would be really cool and i didn't think about how the horrific pain of having an apricot tree rupturing your inner lining of your stomach i thought oh would it be brilliant you could prune it yeah only once it's burst out of your stomach like john hurt though maybe the young't it be brilliant? Well, you could prune it. Yeah, only once it's burst out of your stomach like John Hurt, though. Maybe the young Ollie man was just a bit better at science and thought, well,

this isn't going to be exposed to any sunlight, so it's just not actually going to grow at all. So it's probably fine. There's no photosynthesis going on down there. And we all know the sun shines out of my arse, so the photosynthesis would be happening outside. So you did plant a lot of grass in your pants. The only place the restraining order

doesn't stop me following Helen and Ollie is at twitter.com slash Helen and Ollie. Ollie's unscathed news. Martin's gone to work. Helen's been left unattended. Martin's doing a song. Helen's bought left unattended. Martin's doing a song. Helen's bought some olive oil. Ollie's cat shat a blue thing.

Ollie loves his cat. I'm jealous of Ollie's cat. Here's an email from Zoe in San Antonio, Texas, who says, Helen, answer me this. How do I tell my dad that I don't want him to walk me down the aisle at my wedding? Well, on the day, just go, don't come near me! I think that'll be fine.

That is the most sensitive way to do it. I don't think that anyone needs to give me away to my husband because I am not anyone's property. I am a person. I'm not a number. I'm a free man. The problem is that my family are very, very traditional and southern and we'll see it as a

big faux pas if I'm unaccompanied down the aisle. I don't want to cause any problems in my family or hurt my dad. So, Helen answer me this, what should I do? Well, the thing is that a wedding is an occasion where it gives you the licence

to kick off more than you can at any other point in your life and get your way more. But also at the same time, you feel like you have to make loads of compromises because other people in your family are kicking off and wanting you to give them their way. And may have actually paid for it. Yeah, that's a good point.

If your parents have invested money, I think you've just got to suck it up and go, well, it's only about a minute of my life. That's not very feminist. Well, the thing is, I do disagree with tradition and martin and i walked in together which uh took a lot of the stress out of it as well because i find ceremonial entrances and exits at weddings yeah really not for me i've actually about faced on this in recent years because my instinct on this was always look marriages are a kind of outmoded, traditional and unnecessary thing.

Fuck you too. So if you know, but they are, I'm talking from the point of view of metropolitan Londoner in 2012. There's no need for them anymore, certainly. What about same-sex marriage though? We're not talking about same-sex marriage. That's not traditional. It's new. I'm telling you what I used to think.

So if you're going to get married at all. Do it as sexist as you can. Then what you're saying is get married at all do it as sexist as you can then you're then what you're saying is i want a traditional thing so just do it all exactly the way that if you like it's supposed to be done and stop offending people i don't think that's a logical argument no i don't i have about faced on this yay logic wins partly from going to some of my friends weddings where they have including yours where they've done their own thing i've thought actually yeah it is their day and they should do whatever they want well also i think the the central tenet of marriage now if you're not religious um is just the fact that you've chosen this person to be in your family

and that you want this relationship to be more important than your other relationships and so i think if you're just concentrating on that the traditions are just a bump around it and i just thought if i don't understand these traditions and i don't want them i'm not having them and being given away was one of them my dad wasn't bothered i can't remember how i addressed it to him but i i think i just probably whilst he was watching the rugby he probably didn't notice i wouldn't want to claim position of you anyway. You were an accident. Get out of my living room.

I think I just acted like that was a thing that was never going to happen anyway, rather than going, you know this thing you expected to happen, it isn't. So my situation was easier than hers. Yes, well, that's it. So if you come from the position that your situation was easier and imagine yourself in a situation where it wasn't, where he did really care. I think if this means something to you,

either you could say, I'm really nervous about the idea idea of walking in so i'd rather walk in with the groom or maybe you could say i'd like both my parents to walk in with me because maybe it seems less sexist if your mom's there as well that's quite a nice possibility if you imagine yourself in a situation where your dad had cared deeply about it and it's something he'd always wanted to do and especially as i say if there was a situation where he was committing financially to it as well my dad's never committed financially to anything that's not sky sports right so just but imagine yourself in that situation and then i do think you know he would be hurt and the wedding it is about you but your parents are part of it as well there are so many compromises that you feel you have to make and again i was incredibly lucky

because my family aren't really that weddingy or that traditional they're going to complain about something and if this means a lot to you they'll complain about this rather than something else but even if you let them get their way with this there'll be something else they're not getting that's true so they're going to be discontent so i think just concentrate on what you want the most yes yes but it's a balance of what you really want yes like so you have to really care about this or they have to really care about wanting to do this yeah that's that's where you make the compromise isn't it that's where you have to balance out how much do they care and how much do i care if you if you if you're against it in principle but actually you don't care about it as much as your dad cares about wanting to do it

then i just let your dad do it my suggestion would be uh have a chat with your dad explain to him that that you're not comfortable with that and find another way to make him an important part of the ceremony. Obviously, he's got a speech, but if there's another way that you can make him a really important part of the day so he doesn't feel like he's getting pushed to one side, then do that. That is a very good idea, Martin.

Well, that brings us to the end of this week's Answer Me This. Oh, I'm sad. I'm not. I'm not, because we just took delivery of a Chinese takeaway. It's waiting, it's moist, there's spring rolls, I've got curry sauce. I can smell it, I can smell it, Helen. Yeah, so without further ado, we say to you,

send us your questions for next week's episode. Yes, and all of our contact details are on our website, answermethispodcast.com. On there as well, our Facebook, our Twitter, our albums, our classic episodes, which means episodes we made in 2007 to 2009. Which are all actually better than I remember them being. People have been writing in saying, stop slagging them off because they're actually all right.

They are actually, some of them are actually quite good. That's some caucus. And yet Martin watched the first film by George Lucas, you know, the one that's just called like THX, numbers, numbers, letters, numbers. That's poor. That's worse than... Our early work is better.

Yeah, yeah. So yeah, buy our old episodes. They'll help support the show and they'll entertain you. We'll see you next week. Bye!