Answer Me This! - AMT241: Grand Designs, Conception and Jools Holland

Episode Date: January 10, 2013

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Why isn't Daryl Hannah in Tom Daley's Splash? Answer me this, answer me this Does Delon drink tango in Tango and Cash? Answer me this, answer me this Helen and Ollie, answer me this Hello listeners, welcome to Answer Me This 2013 and just to get it out of the way, let's do our annual God, I can't believe Answer Me This has been going for six years, can you?

No! 40 dinks we are to keep doing it. Yes, all of the above. And Happy New Year. Yep. And we're very grateful to still be here, basically. And we're very grateful that Martin the sound man is still here as well. Yeah, in body, if not in spirit.

How was your Christmas, Helen? It was interesting because it was the first Christmas that I've spent out of the UK, not with any family members at all, because Martin and I went on a Christmas... Went on a pilgrimage. Yes. To Bethlehem. In a swan with a Florida manatee.

You swam with loads of them. One of them just came up and gave me a little kiss on the nose. Martin pulled. Yeah. It's not like that. I was just being friendly. I saw a manatee doing a poo and we're in this glass manatee observatory thing and

you could see the manatee swimming around with this thing dangling from its undercarriage and a lady said, is that its gentlemanly part? I just thought that was an unusually delicate way of putting it. And the weird thing is they have little fish swimming around their bums, like cleaning them up as they go. Yeah. Like a little sort of biological bidet.

Well, good. Richard in Gibraltar, Helen and Ollie, answer me this. When I went for a dinner party with my parents and one of their very middle-class friends recently, they gave Simon,

who was the host, an average bottle of wine. Now, he's the sort of guy that will accept only good bottles of wine, but he took it with good grace. When they then hosted a Christmas Eve party a couple of days later, he brought the bottle of wine home

and said it was homesick. I don't know how to answer this. Have you ever done anything that is just that rude? Have I ever done anything that rude with a gift? Yeah, probably. I remember when I was about 13 and some relatives of ours came over from their native South Africa and brought me and my brothers some t-shirts. It was five years since we last saw them and the t-shirts were absolutely tiny because the last time they'd seen us we were children and by then my brothers were at university.

So apparently I scoffingly said, well, you could put that on the dog. Yeah, that's not nice. No, but I was a child. Children don't have good manners good manners really interesting that your slightly pissy reaction to a present happened at the same age as mine did oh because as i said children have no manners yeah it was actually i remember distinctly because i felt guilty about it for about seven years afterwards uh at my bar mitzvah uh so 13 as well i was given um a cassette of now that's what i call music 27 did you already have it i didn't have it and it was a good one helen it had the sign on by ace I was given a cassette of Now That's What I Call Music 27. Did you already have it?

I didn't have it. And it was a good one, Helen. It had the sign on by Ace of Base and a Chuck Adimas and Pliers song, although I don't think it was Tease Me. Maybe it was their cover of Twist and Shout. Maybe. Do you remember any others? Murder, she wrote. It could have been that one.

That's all, though. The important thing is it had someone going, Mee-ball! Which is the main attraction of Chuck Adimas and Pliers. Wasn't that Angela Lansbury doing that? The important thing is it had someone going, Meeble! Which is the main attraction of Chakademos of Life. That wasn't Angela Lansbury doing that. So anyway, Will Bennett actually gave me a copy of that on cassette. And I thought, mistakenly, that it was his copy he was giving me.

And I thought that was a bit cheap of him to come to my birthday party and give me something secondhand. So I went round telling everyone at the party, Oh, Will's just given me his own present. Ha, ha, ha. What a cheapskate Will is. And he hadn't, it was new. I'd invented that.

Well, at least you're saying sorry now. Well, yes. Will Bennett, I'm sorry. I owe you a copy of That's What I Call Music 27 if you want one. I'm an awful person to give presents to. That's why I don't buy you presents anymore. If you get a present from most people at night,

they just go, oh, well, that's not, okay, thank you. I go, why don't you understand me? how could you be so insensitive she gets really furious oh really yeah i'm not joking personally not with me you don't no you're a good present giver yeah but you'd have to say that wouldn't you whereas the truth is i think you're easy to buy presents for and that's because i look around all the things if you have in your flat this jumble shop diaspora and i realize that actually this is probably all stuff that you've been given and don't want and i just buy you stuff that looks a bit like that but that is key only you look around at the stuff i have and you infer what i might enjoy out of new stuff yeah

i attempt to yeah see that's that's i've done the first step but martin surely does that too no closest we ever ever come to splitting up and it was quite close was the birthday that i bought helena hardback cup of the earth from the air i was extremely and she thought that was the most generic present anyone could get for anyone else that is that is what you'd buy for someone's 21st when you didn't really know what they were like but you wanted to put in the effort it's what we got my grandparents uh for christmas yeah but i'd seen it yeah sorry martin i do feel bad about that though eight years on it's about the reaction isn't it it's fine to at the time say oh how lovely this is great

and then you know perhaps six months later mention something about it it's the thing at the time when someone's given it to you they say the joy is in the giving not the receiving the time they give it to you they just want you to say oh how lovely I mean I did this with my cousins at Christmas

one of them I know is a fan of the in-betweeners so I didn't know what the hell to get him. He's 21 years old. Just get him one of Greg Davies' legs. So I got him, I was in HMV

and I saw they had the box set. So it was like series one to three of The Inbetweeners box set. I thought, I can't really go wrong with that. I think that's a good present, right? And because it's all three DVDs,

you know it's not a fiver. You know it's going to cost me 20 quid. So I gave it to him on Christmas Day and his reaction was just kind of slightly obviously not that impressed. And I made the mistake of probing a little bit further but really all i wanted to hear back was no it's lovely thank you thank you for making an effort

yeah thank you about my taste exactly what i said was oh i don't know if you've got it already is what i said because i knew that he was a fan and that was a possibility and his reaction then was to say well they are all on netflix so what a bellend different having a hard copy you know and what can you say there's no reaction like oh okay so it's a bad present then it was beautiful though i got my nephew was five in november and apparently he's very into junk modeling and so i got him a box full of stuff like stickers and string and pipe cleaners that you can make stuff out of and he said in front of his mother which i thought was a bit tasteless of him this is my best present of my whole birthday

and he had about 200 presents and he was like my own string that's good though isn't it when the shoe's on the other foot and you've judged it perfectly that was beautiful very nice genuinely felt quite emotional time for a question from andrew in manchester who says uh i understand why architectural plans are called blueprints given that they're printed as white images on a blue background. But Helen, answer me this. Why are they printed in this fashion in the first place? What's the advantage of printing architectural plans in this way?

And how and or why were they adopted as the industry standard? Well, you say adopted. It was more born out of old-fangled copying processes because they didn't always have photocopiers or Xerox machines or scanners. In 1800, they had chemicals, which when you mix them together, spread them on a sheet of paper, put your other sheet of paper over the top with a drawing on it and then shone light on it, the drawing would show up as white, but the chemicals would turn blue.

Imagine, if you will, if you drew a picture on yourself In a Factor 50 tanning lotion And then lay out in the sun You'd have the picture of your pale skin And then imagine that your sunburnt skin Around the picture turned out blue That's essentially how it is It's like the photo emulsion that screen printers use

For making T-shirt designs Now that they don't need it because they do have photocopies They keep it because it's custom Tradition! that that's fitler on the roof if i was an architect i'd use blueprints even though photocopying is available um i suppose sometimes it is nice to have an industry standard isn't it that works across the whole world it's understood by everyone all over the world why change it now do you ever fancy being an architect in some level in some part of your brain it's a bit too much like hard work and it's very mathematical yes but take that side out of it take the practical bit out of it in the way that when you were seven you might have wanted to be a

pilot or a brain surgeon did you ever think architect well i made seven gingerbread houses just before christmas and that really brought home how unseated i am to the architectural profession was there not a lot of structural integrity there? Well actually they were surprisingly strong Ollie but it was very stressful and I had to measure everything carefully and I'm not good at measuring. I'm technically an architect now. I'm a lecturer in the department of the built environment and architecture so I could go and build a house for you if you want. No you couldn't. Well I could design one. No you couldn't. I could. All of Martin's gingerbread houses were like on grand designs. Yeah there's an atrium here and it's all reusable icing.

There's a composting toilet. But Martin had gone way over budget. It was really the silver balls that he should have left out. Do you know, when I first heard the idea for this gingerbread house, I was suspicious, but now I'm here, yeah, it really works. That's what he says every week, isn't it? Every fucking week. I thought he was going to be really shit, but actually it looks great. And what you says every week every fucking week i thought he was

going to be really shit but actually it looks great and what you want just one week is for him to turn up and say actually this is this is sometimes you can tell when he thinks it's unsuitable he's like well what they have done is converted a building not converted a building really well no what he says the euphemism is he says you know it really works for them yes yeah you're like okay so basically it's not very nice. They've had their own vision and they've really seen the through. But you would just one week. Because these people, it means so much to them.

You just like him standing in front of them and saying, actually, you know what, you've wasted so much money here. And frankly, you could have got a bar at home and be better than this. These people have spun up a million pounds up the wall making a beautiful building into a pile of rubble. But what I'm really impressed by is the beautiful design the spunk has formed. It's really modernist. I've got a question.

Email your question. To answer me this podcast at googlemail.com To answer me this podcast at googlemail.com to answer me to this podcast at googlemail.com to answer me this podcast at googlemail.com to answer me to this podcast at googlemail.com so retrospectives what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty.

On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with the Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday wherever you get your podcasts. Right, well

it's that time of the show where we always talk about acid jazz pop groups. We've got a question from Tom. Weirdly, we always cut that. Is this about James Tedderquater? No, it's a little bit more mainstream than that. It's from Tom in Macclesfield who says, at work recently, my colleague pointed out an article he'd found about Jamarraquai frontman J.K.

Tom, Tom, come quickly. I've got this article about J.K. Sorry, I can't. I'm reading one about Desiree. I'll be with you shortly. The article was about his car collection and very boastful of how much it all must have cost. Yeah, he has, I think, 60-ish cars.

Yeah. The thing about classic cars, though, you are buying them as investment. They do sell on, usually, for more than you bought them for. It's not like buying new cars, is it? So if you're buying old cars... Some of it might even be on loan. Mostly it's the sports cars, aren't they? I thought JK got collected sports cars.

Well, Tom in Macclesfield should know, Martin, because he says, this led to further research on my part into his personal wealth. What kind of work are you in whereby you've got the time to waste reading articles about JK and then you think, you know what, I'm going to go off on a little hunt about JK's inner life. He writes for Heat 90s.

Actually, maybe he works for the Inland Revenue because this question is all about the money. Hey, hey, Tom, come here. It looks like JK's been paying the 20% rate. Should have been on 40. What struck me, continues Tom, is that I never remember Jamiroquai being that successful. It's the kind of thing that people scratched out of their memories of the 90s.

They went straight from Nirvana to the end of the century. We've forgotten a lot of stuff, Helen, because we're living in virtual insanity he says I mean of course Jamiroquai were always about in the 90s and early noughties but the success of the band seems strangely disproportionate to JK's current wealth. What

he sold 30 million albums and you expect him not to be wealthy? Yeah also he wrote the song, I mean I know Stevie Wonder wrote the songs really but you know he technically wrote the songs didn't he so that's the, yeah. Yeah he gets a royalty for performance and for publishing. Indeed. So, well, we've sort of answered it already, but Helen, answer me this.

How did JK get and stay so bloody rich? Well, he got rich, as we've said, by releasing a lot of music that people bought. And also, I think a couple of his songs, at least, would have been heavily used on compilations and soundtracks, and that is a massive money spinner. He wrote the one for Godzilla, didn't he? I'm going deeper underground.

Diddly-doo. However, the second part of Tom's question, how does he stay so rich, is more of a mystery, because he did spend a lot of money on drugs. He had a long cocaine addiction. And he's got all these cars. Well, cocaine is an investment, Helen, just to save us the cars.

It's a very short-term investment, Ollie. You can sell it on for a lot more afterwards. And his hats wouldn't have come cheap, because a lot of them were bespoke. I suppose he just had such an insane amount of money that... Virtual insane. Virtual insane amount of money. Maybe he did invest some of it wisely

and he's still living off the profits from that. All he would have had to do is buy a few houses in London and then sell them ten years later and he'd be a multi-squillionaire. But if you spend £1,000 a week still, that would take you... Sorry, we're not going to actually now budget out JK's weekly amounts. It would take him 100 years to spend all his record company money on.

I can only afford to do two lines on Sunday because otherwise I won't be able to buy any lunch on Monday. JK originally auditioned to be in the Brand New Heavies. Well, that figures because it's essentially the same music. Yeah, but it's only because he failed to get into the Brand New Heavies. How he must laugh now that he branched off by himself they all got a million porsches i seriously doubt it they did midnight at the oasis that sold quite well in 1994 yes well then they're only going to get performance aren't they not publishing

clever jk We underestimated him. How many social networks are you on? Vivo, Friendster, Parkview, Porn, MySpace, Ping and Google Buzz. If you want to be our pal, go to this URL. Facebook.com slash AnswerMeThis or Twitter.com slash answer me this or twitter.com slash Helen and Dolly but please don't follow

us in real life Well listeners for the first time this year we entreat you to send in your questions not only via email but also by telephone that's right you can skype answer me this or you can dial this number and let's see who's been in touch chris from march i don't know the answer to this

george holland only appears on tv once a, so what does he do the rest of his time? He must get paid an awful lot to do that. What is he on about? I think what Chris means is, I only see Jules Holland once a year on TV, therefore Jules Holland must only be on TV once a year. It is impossible that he is on pretty much every week with later with Jules Holland.

I only see Jeremy Paxman once a year because I don't watch Newsnight. What does he do the rest of the year? Simon Carroll has no job. What does David Cameron do when he's not in the House of Parliament? For fuck's sake, Chris. There's lots of other things Jules has done.

He's on telly all the time. Yes. Later with Jules Holland. When is that ever off the air? Does it ever take a break? Yeah, I think they do two series a year. So it's most weeks Jules Holland is on. And then he does Glastonbury coverage

and then occasionally he'll present a documentary about something. Yeah, well, actually recently there was, did you see there was a kind of lifetime kind of retrospective about Jules Holland? No, I didn't watch. Because I think it's been 30 years he's been on telly. I just, see, 30 years, Chris.

It's not just 30 hootenannies. That'd be a rubbish retrospective. And he designs buildings. That's what he does with his spare time. No. Yeah. I would not trust Jules Holland to be an architect. I don't think he designs buildings for other people it's his own house mostly i think

everything they show in the documentary was stuff he designed for himself right so every year does he build another story onto his house and he's just got a 30 story really teetering building with a very eccentric florist no i think he's got a lot of land he lives in blackheath um and he's got quite a lot of land and he the heath is his well he does seem to have quite a few acres there and he's kind of extended his own house into a studio where he has bear in mind his his rhythm and blues orchestra is like 30 people so they practice there so it's quite a large and so he's designed all of that so the studio and all the outbuildings around it and like there's kind of grecian columns and he's got like italian little details and statues it's quite

an eccentric style no it's not vulgar it's just kind of funny it's based on port marion oh he went to port marion and loved it it is cool so that's what he does he's got a little fake street with cafes on it that's weird that's like he's marianne twinette but in southeast london well i think it just indicates that he's got a sense of humor really doesn't it which is nice are they cafes just for jules holland and his family and friends or are they actually publicly accessible cafes? No, no, this is all on his private grounds. So it's like he's got a massive Wendy house.

Yeah, it's a facade, yeah. It's just a bit of fun, isn't it? I mean, you're a millionaire, you like buildings, why not build your own buildings? Good point, yeah. I did read about the Hootenanny, something that slightly destroyed it for me.

Was it the music? Was that it was filmed in July? No, it is pre-recorded, but I knew that and actually it's pre-recorded only the week before December 31st so that's kind of alright

I think you know that they're not you know that Tom Jones isn't going to be hanging around with Jools Holland at midnight on New Year's Eve I think that's okay and they don't seem to be

celebrating there at all but the thing that slightly ruined it for me was I knew that it was pre-recorded but because it's kind of recorded as live you know the big clock behind the performers

apparently it stays at 5 to 12 for the whole show and then when they get to the bit where they know they're going to have to keep it stays at 5 to 12 for the whole show and then when they get to the bit where they know they're going to have to keep it in as live because they do the countdown a bloke behind the scenes moves the handle it's not even a proper clock it's just a set. You know I just always thought it was a proper clock

What like in the film Hugo? Yeah. It would constantly be a nightmare wouldn't it? If you decided to change the order of the bands or they had to do a second take So it's always at 5 to 12, which I hadn't noticed watching it. Has it ruined the suspension of disbelief? A little bit, yes. Hi Helen and Ollie, I'm just watching

some Have I Got News For You on Dave. It's a bit of a back to back and my question is this, what the fuck is Paul Merton looking at? He's always looking off to his left, all the time. He looked over to the left.

Ooh, and then my skirt came down. Do you remember that song? No. It was from 2002 by Tweet. Right. The protégé of Missy Elliott. Tweet, eh? Yeah.

Oops, there goes my shirt. Right over my head. Yeah, that one. It's up on my head. They were called Tweet. That was ahead of their time, wasn't it? Just a lady. All right.

Probably still is, but now she's not got any Google juice. No, exactly. Yeah. He stayed left, so isn't he just looking at the audience? Yes. And why is he doing that? It's just a comic technique, that, isn't it? Look at the audience.

But then why is he looking at the audience to the side and not the audience at the front, which is more audience? I don't know, Helen. I can't see inside what makes his comedy magic. I just know that it works for him. I assumed that he was looking off to the side at maybe a floor manager, or maybe he keeps a pretty lady there. i've seen an interview with him where he said that uh if he looks like

he believes the ridiculous thing that he just said is true then he gets a second laugh so obviously he knows that he's saying something absurd but if he then looks at the audience as if to say don't you believe me don't you back it up can't you back it up, can't you verify this, you get a second laugh afterwards. So it's just technique? It's just technique. This is Alan and Amanda from Glasgow. Helen and Ollie asked me this. Why is it that when they knock down trees, they shout timber? I mean, they should be shouting watch out or something, surely.

Well, I think this is pretty bloody obvious, because if they said watch out, they might mean, oh, you might stub your toe, not a tree's going on your head yes exactly wherever you are in the world you say timber you look up and you think oh i'm about to get hit by a tree it would be like slaughtering a pig and shouting pork yeah it's like the the the transition from tree to to commodity to wood in fact watch out even in less perilous circumstances than a tree about to fall down is so ambiguous like recently quite a lot of people martin and others have said oh watch out when someone's about to walk into me from behind i was like well i'm looking at the front why don't you say careful someone's right behind you that is

such a helen comment they're trying their best helen yeah they're not trying their best they are they've got their best would be telling me what the peril is no because they've got two seconds and they think oh i've got to say something so i'll say something quickly but when they say watch out it means i stop and the person bangs into me. Yeah. You see the problem, Ollie. I do, but I'm just saying they're trying their best. They're not trying their best.

This is what I've got to work with, Ollie. I'm sure that a lot of you listeners are doing a New Year's purge or weight loss drive or exercise regime that's probably faltered already by the time this show comes up. Define a New Year's purge in a non-stal in this way. You're just going to get rid of a few people in your neighborhoods like really what did you mean you mean like you know like purging your body like living off the classic resolution diet it's like diet no alcohol exercise no smoking

isn't it yeah and genocide yeah okay the classic combination well anyway ed has written in not exactly about genocide or he says how many calories do I burn whilst driving? As someone who drives over 40,000 miles a year, says Ed, and also as a person who tries to avoid exercise, I would like to factor this driving into my fitness regime. I bet you would.

Which you obviously don't have, one-off. Exactly. My wife is often quite keen to exercise at the weekend, and the information you provide me with Can be added to my arsenal of excuses I use to try to get out of it Well, okay, big weight on our shoulders now

Call of Ed's weight Yeah, well, yeah, exactly You should be carrying weight on your shoulders, Ed In fact, actually If you do want to keep fit whilst you drive That is one thing you can do Is carry little weights with you Really?

I've read keep fit tips for truckers Oh, wow Buy miniature weights and do reps whilst you're at the wheel. So where would you put them? On your arms or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the arm that's not. I mean, I assume this is an automatic truck, actually. If you've got a manual truck and gears to go through, that's actually quite a pain. The other thing as well it recommends is just park on the other side,

the extreme side of the car park, so you've got longer to walk back to the truck. I suppose all of that does add up to an extremely negligible amount of exercise. But maybe Ed could park his car a mile away and walk to it. Yes. Well, no, I mean, I think that really is the best tip, really, because, I mean, assuming you're not a Formula One driver, Ed, which I think you probably would have mentioned in this context, you're not going to lose any significant weight by sitting on your arse behind a wheel.

You do burn calories just by existing, but it's only about, what, 30 an hour or something? Well, I mean, obviously, considering that Americans like sitting around and they like driving and they like obsessing about their weight, it's no surprise to know that an American has done this research. Good for you, America. According to calorielab.com, on average,

a person weighing 150 pounds I have no idea how much that is, I'm not an American. That's 10 stone 10 pounds. Okay. Will burn about 68 calories an hour just by driving. And that's turning your head, operating the pedals, moving the wheel So how many is that per mile? We don't know how fast Ed's going

Oh yeah, that's a good point Yeah, because he's doing 40,000 miles Still You could, Ed, take rest breaks every couple of hours Because dozy drivers die As all the public service announcements say in Australia And you could get out in a lay-by And do star jumps by your car for five minutes

I think it's really important, actually, if you're a trucker, if you're driving a lot, to do that kind of thing. It's like people who do the exercise on aeroplanes, you know, when they've been sitting in their seat for too long. What happened about that? Because I remember 10 years ago flying long haul, you were just bombarded with messages all the time about deep vein thrombosis. They had exercises come up on the big screen every half an hour.

No one mentions it anymore. No, I know. And all the people that do this kind of constant transatlantic flying richard branson simon cowell none of them ever say i've got a blood clot in my leg do they ever it's bad advert if you're richard branson isn't it and you've run an airway that's a good point actually i really thought that one through it was paris in the spring of 1898 two children paddled gaily in the sand one giggled like a girl the other was a girl and their names were olivier here's a question from meredith from new zealand who says my little girl is three and a half months old so by my maths it's approximately a year since she was created this got me thinking about

birthdays and how they relate to conception most people actually work out what encounter it was that brought about the birth of their child. I've been told numerous times by my father that I was conceived on the floor. I don't know and I hope I never know. She says, answer me this, globally, is there any one day of the year with more births recorded than any other?

And if so, why? Quite hard to get a global stat. I've got a stat just from the people i know and uh the two biggest birthday days that i know over the 19th and the 27th of november and i am attributing that to valentine's day shagging interesting yeah that doesn't corroborate i'm afraid with the evidence that i have from the u.s but got a sample of like 10 people in the US where there has been a Harvard study into this they just go around

to people's bedrooms and monitor them dirtbags I presume not Helen I presume it's the maternity wards apparently September the 16th is the most common birthday

okay so when does that is that New Year's Eve or January it's basically Christmas time it's like holiday season I bet there are a lot of people who are conceived on 4th of July weekends

as well and they've got birthdays in the spring. Yeah, well, what's weird is that there aren't that many births in kind of February, March time comparatively. What, summer holiday births? Yeah, you know, if people are as horny in the summer as they say they are, you know, in the summer time when the weather is fine, it's all about everyone looking fine, everyone wearing the short t-shirts.

Yeah, but heat kills sperm. Yeah, well, it could be something like that. Or maybe it is because people are actually a bit hot to bonk. Yeah, but then do you see a different pattern in the Southern Hemisphere? Yes, you do. There is a difference in Northern and Southern Hemisphere, and it's always around whatever is the cool holiday time is when people get it on. Extraordinary.

Yeah. I suppose they have to rub their bodies together to keep warm. Yeah, well, it sounds ridiculous, but actually it's a national trend. I guess there's probably something in there. I know that there is a birth boom at the moment. Yeah, I heard that was because now that no one has any money, they just stay in and do it. Which is just not true, is it?

No. I can't believe that. In our lives, no. We stay in and record podcasts. Which is much the same in that effect. Cheap fun. But also, I met a woman the other day whose mother is a midwife and she said to me that not only are they expecting this uh boom in babies

to continue for the rest of the year because of the recession and because the weather's been so cold but also because of katherine and williams baby oh come on i know but it's true nonsense i know because it's not the same is it as saying oh she got that hat from reese i'm gonna buy the same one it's actually having a baby for the rest of your life being responsible for a child just because a celebrity albeit a privileged celebrity who's the head of state one day but nonetheless a celebrity is having a baby maybe that's why Kim Kardashian is pregnant it could be but who are these weak-minded people that do something as massive as conceived just because just because they're all family and also those people they would if anything put me off the sexual act because neither of them are sexy at all katherine's

quite she's not sexy she's cute she's ornamental yes sexy no sexy no no no how did that song go is kate middleton sexy no no no is she cute? Yes, but no. I believe. Did you see the photos? Did you see the naked photos? No, I didn't. Because I just couldn't help looking. Well, even if you didn't want to see them, they were there. I saw them. I don't care.

I didn't agree with the ethics that had taken them. And yet... What were they taking on the beach? No, she was in a private house. Like a mile away from where the photographer was. I had to look almost from a sort of journalistic point of view. I felt like I needed to know. But I didn't really.

I think that's really pathetic to get that photo. I am pathetic, Martin. No, I don't mean you having seen it. I mean, I appreciate there's media saturation. I managed to avoid it. But, you know, the act of getting prudent enjoyment of what's essentially a sort of fuzzy blob blown up by a Zoom link.

But it's the forbidden fruit, isn't it? It's because out of all the people on earth, you know that that's the person who really wouldn't want their naked photo circulated. And also the thing that made me feel guilty about it was precisely that. It was the same with the Talisa sex video, which I also saw.

It was the fact that she'd come out publicly and said, you know, I feel really humiliated by this. I'm embarrassed by this. I wish it had never been made public. And you thought, yes. No, I didn't. I just thought, well, I have have to see that there's a talisa sex video out there i haven't seen it because i'm not interested in her work of any kind it's very different to her work with end up and there's only one other bloke in it one of the les miserables premieres in december anne hathaway was photographed getting out of a car flashing her

minge right when you say flashing her minge, accidental upskirt. She didn't turn up at the premiere saying, hey guys! She spoke afterwards on a talk show about how humiliating it was and how awful that a photographer would see that and not delete it and would sell it instead of protecting her privacy. And I was like, well, you know that this happens

because you're a celebrity. Why don't you just wear pants? It's not that hard. Yeah. I mean, I think it's completely unacceptable, but at the same time yes If you knew that it happened You'd take safeguards

Also I assume there was nothing unusual about it really She had a swastika on there There is something different with tits Which is that you're not quite sure The exact shape The size of the nipples And everything else Do you want to put your face between them

And go Exactly There is a gradient Important to know Anyway Yes Good luck to you Princess

Good luck to all of you uh idiots out there who are boning like mad just because kate and wills have obviously done it at least once i don't think it's as straightforward as that i don't think it's oh they're having a baby so we should have a baby let's copy everything they do i think it's just that because they're having a baby naturally all the women's magazines and stuff start doing features about babies just as like when they got married they started doing features about what she could wear what wedding dress is it and that plants ideas we we ladies our ovaries pick up their ears and go baby what i wondered is how many tests would they have submitted kate middleton to before the engagement was announced just to check that she was capable

of bearing children because presumably if she wasn't there was no way they were going to let them marry do you honestly think that happens behind the scenes and by the way i do yeah but you honestly do as well i mean it's there's something that the public would be quite scandalized by if that actually came out and turned out to be true but and yet you have to think you know it's same shit different day isn't it in the royal household nothing really changes the most important thing is the lineage the whole purpose of her is to give babies yeah waving and produce air so i just don't think they would have allowed it to go ahead. They wouldn't have taken the chance. So that would have been the scandal if Wills had had to break up with her because she had a non-functioning womb.

See, that would be an interesting story. I don't think he would, though. He's too nice. Yeah, but he's just a cog in a massive machine. And do cogs get to think independently? No. Well, that brings us jogging to the end of the first episode of this year.

Not jogging, Helen. It's been a delightful sprint. Well, that leaves us with a stitch in our sides and just panting for you to send us questions for the years Answer Me This. Yes, please. Yeah, you've got them all bottled up after Christmas. That's right. So give that bottle a shake and let the fizz pour out all over our email, phone and Skype.

The details for which can be found on our website. AnswerMeThisPodcast.com Slash I feel a bit sick. And also on that website, you can find episodes 1 to 120 and our apps and our albums. There's some merch with my face on it as well, just a notebook at the moment.

Yeah, there is. But we should put on some pants or something. No, I think that's too much. It's a thought for the future, isn't it? Yeah. If you want Martin the Sandman pants, let us know and we'll see if they can be put into production.

See if Urban Outfitters will sell them. And we'll see you next week. Bye!