Answer Me This! - AMT243: Bow Ties, Monopoly and Onesies

Episode Date: January 24, 2013

Bow Ties, Monopoly and Onesies Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The new BMO VI Porter MasterCard is your ticket to more. More perks. More points. More flights. More of all the things you want in a travel rewards card. And then some. Get your ticket to more with the new BMO VI Porter MasterCard. And get up to $2,400 in value in your first 13 months.

Terms and conditions apply. Visit bmo.com slash theiporter to learn more. Why are we still eating leftover turkey? Answer me this, answer me this. Has Breaking Bad increased tourism to Albuquerque? Answer me this, answer me this. Helen and Ollie, Answer me this. Answer me this. Helen and Ollie. Answer me this.

We're starting off this episode of Answer Me This by talking about one of the things that Olly Mann loves the most. No, not musicals. No. Disney. Not wanking. No. Not wanking whilst watching Disney musicals.

No. No. Percy Pigs. Oh, I do love those. Yeah. Emily from Winchester says, I like Olly Mann. I'm a massive fan

of Marks and Spencer's Percy Pigs Is that as in your fandom is massive or you yourself have a massive waistline as a result of being a fan of Percy Pigs?

Those are very synergistic Yes, yes Could be both Good point I went into Sainsbury's the other day says Emily to find they've completely

ripped off M&S by selling Eric the Elephant a pink fruity elephant sweet with chewy jelly ears. Outrageous. They even offer an Eric and Friends selection with cola-flavoured monkeys. What? Only Percy is allowed to have friends? Practically identical to Percy Pig and Pals. No one had pals before Percy.

Well, Percy wouldn't be friends with monkeys, because Percy is friends with farm animals. It's nothing if not consistent. So, Ollie, answer me this. Why did Sainsbury's do this? Capitalism? Sainsbury's has got their own brand of fizzy cola bottles and they were probably a branded item before Sainsbury's got hold of them.

Maybe they're just arch sweet knocker offers. Actually, I mean, you know, let's be honest. Cola bottles existed before as well, before Marks and Spencers came along and Colin the Caterpillar fucked them up the arse. I mean, you know, this is a mutually exchangeable industry, isn't it? There's lots of idea swapping. Before that amoeba walked on land, cola bottles existed. I mean, look, although it's true that Percy Pigs are a USP,

or were a USP of Marks and Spencers, one of the reasons people go there, those are the very things, aren't they, Emily, that supermarkets are bound to want to imitate they've got you know they want to take away the usps they want them to just be sps it's like facebook ripping off snapchat yes now skype although there is one crucial fundamental difference here uh percy pigs are so called because they do contain pork gelatin oh i very much doubt eric the elephant has elephant gelatin in it it So I think the fact that it doesn't have

elephant extract in it does mean that in some way Percy Pig is not only the original but the authentic of the two What would Waitrose have if they ripped it off? A higher class of animal, obviously Yeah, what, a racehorse? Frankel feed What's Frankel?

He's the most valuable racehorse in the world From a very serious and delicate foodstuff To a lesson on food etiquette It's from John in Great Aiton He says When eating with a spoon I think we've all been there haven't we? Oh yeah

We've all done that I haven't eaten Percy Pigs with a spoon No neither have I It's only a matter of time though sadly Seed, ice cream, blood The natural way to hold the spoon Is with the bowl in a U position A U position

As opposed to an N position That's a silly way of distinguishing I think he means holding the bowl so it's convex rather than concave This is sensible he says As you wouldn't hold much food on the spoon If it were upside down Well observed With a fork, again the best way to hold it

To place food in your mouth Is with the tines in a U position. Or in the scoop position. So, Helen, answer me this. Why? Why? Why? Is it considered rude to eat with a fork with it in the natural U position?

Well, this is quite an upper class table manner. I've never heard that that's rude well you're not upper class are you i've been i well i've been to posh car club dinners i've been to oxford university i've never heard anyone once say you need to not have a fork in the natural scooping position so what are you supposed to do just squish it on the end and then like a gardener pile it into your mouth like mud on the end of a fork no it's not on the end of the fort you're supposed to things like peas instead of scooping them is illogical you meant to crush them on the back of the back i wonder that's just obscene yeah well it is but i wonder whether this is an upper class thing

because they're like we're not animals let's make this as difficult as we can or are these things actually all just pointless differentials of class yes they're a way of laughing at like in that scene in titanic you know when kathy bates sits at the table or in that that scene in the sitcom game on where they visit a fancy country house and Samantha Janis unknowingly cuts the nose off the cheese. It's very shameful, but then she pisses all over the bathroom or something. Oh, yeah.

No, that's a much better reference, isn't it, than one of the biggest films of all time. Yeah, just mention a sitcom from the 90s that no one remembers. Brilliant. No, well done. Hello, this is David from Camden. Helen and Ollie, answer me this.

Why don't dishwashers have little windows so you can see what's going on inside? Is it like a top secret thing? Yeah, that's right, David. It's the greatest show on earth and they don't want you to know about it. I'd never thought about it before. Because it's a boring show.

But when you see all the innovations that they are putting into washing machines and dishwashers, some of them, frankly, entirely unnecessary, like being able to set your washing machine on your phone when you're on the bus on the way home. Oh, God. Or getting a QR code embedded on it so that you can see the instruction manual on your iPad.

Or having a TV screen stuck in your microwave. Exactly. Actually, I mean, in the grand scheme of things, an opaque door, that might actually be quite a useful thing, might it not? Well, you know what's in dishwashers? Really, really hot water. And what does that produce?

Steam. So for a lot of it, you wouldn't be able to see anything and also keeping that clean that would be very difficult be covered in soap scum and lime scale all the time okay so why is that different to a washing machine well washing machine is a much smaller area a dishwasher door takes up the whole of the front of the appliance and it's made out of much more lightweight materials than glass would be also i'm going to say something that you'll probably think is stupid but i'm going to say it anyway because that's our format. In a washing machine, the clothes get wet and they effectively wipe the screen clean for you.

I love this theory. Whereas the plates, they just sit on their arses, not helping. So actually the steam would just travel up. Yeah, if the temperature sounds like an issue, because you normally run a washing machine at 40 degrees, don't you? Or you try to run it at a lower temperature. What temperature do dishwashers run at? I think some of them go up to 90.

And then you've got the hot air to dry off the dishes. What's that going to produce? As anyone knows who wears glasses and you open a dishwasher at the end of the cycle, fogging! Right. Listen, David, just get yourself the full package of TV channels instead, and you won't worry about this anymore.

Anyway, here's a question from Jack from Leed, who says, Ollie, answer me this. Is it possible to wear a bow tie... Obviously!...other than in evening wear... Yeah evening wear yeah without looking like an arse only if you're over 60 and or black okay what about if you are a 24 year old tv runner black nope no what about if you are a magician black no over 60 no no what about if you're a magician? Black? No. Over 60? No. No.

What about if you're a tiny child? Black? Potentially. Yes. Straightforward. Those are the rules. Do you think the Colonel looks stupid? Well, that's a different era, isn't it? And we're talking about 2013.

Do you think that the Chippendales look stupid? Yes. No, that's pretty much my fashion icon, actually, the Chippendales. Yeah, underneath your shirt, you're wearing collar and cuffs and nothing. When I was eight years old, I had the spinning bow tie.

Because you were cool. Oh, yeah. I had the water squirting bow tie. Because you were into tech then, you were into tech now. Was I black? No. Was I over 60?

No. So even though it sounds cool, Helen, I'm sure it wasn't. I think the fashion choices of a lot of children are quite similar to those of the over 60? No So even though It sounds cool Helen I'm sure it wasn't I think the fashion choices Of a lot of children Are quite similar To those of the over 60s Mmm Romper suit

What are they called? Onesies That thing That's odd isn't it Fashion icon of the year The onesie Apparently onesie sales Have gone up

40 or 50% That's not really a surprise Because presumably No one thought to buy An adult romper suit Before bloody Harry Styles wore one That's a pat-a-butt

Ridiculous idea isn't it It's a ridiculous idea, isn't it? It's so ridiculous and it's so infantilising. And I'm someone who likes to be infantilised. Yeah, you pay somebody to change your nappy, don't you? Exactly. But even I wouldn't wear a romper suit. So you would not wear a romper suit with a bow tie? No, definitely not.

No way. But a black guy over 60, he'd look smoking hot. Stevie Wonder in that. Sensational. I've got a question. Then email your question. Do answer me this podcast at googlemail.com. Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com.

Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com. Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com. Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com. So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors.

10 minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Time for a question from Nidhi, who says, recently I completed an internship good good to complete it isn't it better than ducking out of the internship that would be bad for your future employment prospects and on one of the work nights out my senior manager's best friend who worked elsewhere tried it on with me he said you're 21 and too young to be in a relationship you should be having fun. And if you wanted to have some fun, I'm not saying specifically with me,

but you could come home and have some fun with me. It's not subtle, but it's also not direct enough to be sweeping her off her feet. No, that's right, yeah. It's kind of crap in both ways. I think that's right. If you're going to step in as the older man with the intern, you actually have to make quite a bold offer, don't you?

Yeah, rather than being the loser lech, the worst kind. I obviously ran away, says Nidhi, and any other time I met him, he'd always greet me in ways such as, hi gorgeous, you look hot, how's the boyfriend? This guy does not know how to talk to people. Recently, she says, I interviewed for a different job

and he turned out, somehow, to be my interviewer. Oh! And my new boss, to be my interviewer. Oh! And my new boss, if I got the job. Unlucky. Needless to say, it was horrifically awkward, and the interview was a complete shambles. The only way it would have been more awkward would be if I'd actually slept with him.

Well, you don't know, because you haven't tried that. Maybe that would have been a real icebreaker. Well, I don't know. His approaches were awkward enough in the first place. I imagine that the sleeping process would have been awkward too. I think he'd made it awkward because I think going into that room,

you would automatically feel awkward even if he didn't. Even if he'd completely forgotten, you were going to feel extreme tension having survived his octopus pause. Well, okay. So maybe there's no solution around this. She says, Helen, answer me this.

How are you supposed to have an interview with someone who's tried to sleep with you? I think call in a third party to properly monitor it yeah but you can't just as you walk in if you don't realize he's going to be there whoops sound the alarm this man tried to sleep with me i mean that's not reasonable is it i guess if you knew in advance you could flag it up but then even then how do you verbalize that how do you say he knows that he tried to sleep with you can't say to him oh it's come to my attention that you once tried to sleep with me so i think we should put in precautions i mean they didn't sleep together did they he was just flirting that's not illegal i suppose he's continually flirting and she must be feeling somewhat harassed by it yeah but let's not judge this guy too much

because he wasn't harassing her at least in a work environment he was harassing her as her boss's friend oh it's fine he probably didn't realise that he was going to end up being a potential future boss. Probably if he had realised that, if he had realised that he had to be professional, he wouldn't have done this. He was just trying to get his end away. He's probably as awkward as you are.

So we don't know if she got the job, though. It would be interesting to know, because maybe on his side, he'd be like, oh, if I give her the job, I can lecture her every day. I don't like to use the cunt word on the podcast. You do. But the guy, he's a bit of a cunt. It's completely inappropriate.

Why? She's now in a position where she can't interview for a job that she wants. Now? Because he's basically been lecturing onto her. Yeah, now. But I mean, you'd be in the position that you couldn't go and apply for a job if someone had listened to you on this podcast saying what you just said. But that's not the point.

The point is, in the scenario when you said it originally, you didn't know that would be the circumstance. He was friends with her boss. Well, that's true. That's inappropriate in itself. He's not just a random dude not the point. The point is, in the scenario when you said it originally, you didn't know that would be the circumstance. He was friends with her boss. Well, that's true. That's inappropriate in itself. He's not just a random dude in the club. That's a totally different situation. He was using his position of authority to let her young intern up.

That's a really powerful week. Maybe. I still think if one of my boss's friends had come on to me, it wouldn't occur to me that that would be an abuse of power. It's not the same as the boss. That's because you're a bloke. And also, she's 21 she's 21 and you're 31 the problem that she has had is that he's not let up

he's not taken her disinterest and let her go every time she bumps into him she says he's been continuing the suggestive remarks and therefore he's probably not capable of judging her as a candidate divorcing his feelings about her attractiveness but he's been judging her on her attractiveness which is not capable of judging her as a candidate, divorcing his feelings about her attractiveness.

But he's been judging her on her attractiveness, which is not how you should judge a work candidate. You open the door, the man's there who's been cracking on to you. What can you do? I think you have to be quite bold and direct and perhaps seize the control in that situation and say, I hope this interaction is not going to be similar to our previous ones because this is a business environment and I hope you treat it as one as I shall be. Wow. Yeah as you can tell I don't go in a business environment very often. Hello Helen and Ollie it's Amy here from Plymouth. I was in London on the weekend with lovely friends Helen and Lorraine and spending quite a bit of time travelling on the tube I saw stops at stations like Bond Street and Whitechapel, etc. And it got to me to thinking about the Monopoly board. So Helen and Ollie, answer me this. How were the places on the

Monopoly board chosen? As obviously, there's lots more places in London that aren't included. Well, yes, if they included all of London streets, then it would take perhaps all of your life to get around the Monopoly board because there'd be, what, about 23,000 squares of inner London and own. But what happened was when Waddington's decided to steal the American idea of Monopoly, in 1935, its general manager, Victor Watson, and his secretary came down from Leeds to London. And they spent a day canvassing people in the city to find out what streets, I suppose, were in the public consciousness

because the game had to be sold to people that didn't just live in those streets, and also which ones kind of corresponded to the values that they needed to play. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the thing is, I mean, there are some roads there that are sort of famous. Oh, yeah. Like Old Kent Road. Yeah. Park Lane?

Yeah, but no, but that's what I'm going to say. That's not as famous as Park Lane, is it? Yeah, but it doesn't cost as much either. Exactly, exactly. So if they just asked for what are the 12 most popular well-known roads in london old kent road wouldn't be there but then they needed one at the beginning of the board well old kent road might have been there because it was in music hall songs and it's a very long arterial road and yet there are some really weird inclusions like vine street coventry street yeah never heard of tiny i've never

heard of vine street well i think there are a few of them, and they're all pretty insignificant. Yeah. None of them are Fleet Street or Pall Mall. And also, Pall Mall and Whitehall are very cheap. Yeah. Ridiculous. I know things have changed, but... Although, it's true, though, that Mayfair, Oxford Street, Regent Street, they would be worth more than Pall Mall, wouldn't they? I don't think Pall Mall would be worth less than Oxford Street.

You don't see golf sales on Pall Mall. You don't, as a general rule, that's true. Venturch Street is a slightly weird choice of station, isn't it? Yeah, where is that? I don't even know where that is some people who work for ordnance survey decided to work out where go was so they triangulated where would be in between mayfair and old kent road and they came up with lambeth north station yeah you don't get 200 pounds for passing lambeth north station do it depends whether you're a drug dealer i have always considered a design flaw in monopoly is when you buy one house it fits on the colored block when you buy two houses it fits on the colored

block oh you can see where i'm going with this when you buy three it fits on the colored block and when you buy a hotel it fits on the colored block but when you buy four if you've got four on each one it kind of bleeds onto the board a bit and it starts getting tripped over by the pieces why don't they just make the coloured blocks a bit bigger? It's a square Or the houses smaller No, you don't want the houses to be any smaller I think this is a problem of wealth, Ollie

When you're complaining that your houses are too numerous to fit I can't fit my fourth home onto my street No, but all I'm saying is that bit in the middle of the board Is kind of wasted space, isn't it? Whereas they could extend that a bit Put a few parklands in there as well That's the other thing You know, if you were a millionaire,

would it be nice to reinvest back in the city? Big society. Well, I understand they are building a branch of Westfield in the middle of every Monopoly board. Wasted space, after all. I really don't like Monopoly. Last time I played Monopoly, my friend stole all of my cards

because I'd bought a load of stations and she claimed she was renationalising the railway. Refused to give them back. This is why you don't play Monopoly with lefties, Martin. You pick the most capitalist friends and play with them. Yeah. I thought that I would never love again. Oh no!

I went on to the internet and then... What then? I found a place where all true love lasts. Hooray! At www.answermethispodcast.com Here's a question from Laura from Southampton who says, I was listening to the radio whilst doing my college work on Sunday. Why? There's podcasts, Laura. Get with the programme.

Programme radio frees you from the tyranny of choice. What about one of your own fine music podcasts, Martin? Yeah, you can listen to Sarah Valais' podcast. Yeah, well, she's not, is she? So there. I was flicking between Radio 1 and Capital, and they both had their chart shows on. Yeah, the Vodafone Big Top 40, as I believe it's called on Capital. Really?

Yeah. Also, obviously, I'm listening to Pinar's Politics when it's on. And who's Vodafone Big Top 40 as I believe it's called on Capital. Really? Yeah. Also, obviously I'm listening to Pinar's Politics when it's on. And who's number one with Pinar? I reckon Bojo. He's the interview you want, isn't he? I sigh inwardly when it's a Liberal Democrat. At the end, each chart had a different number one. So Ollie, answer me this. Which chart

tells you the real number one and does the other chart just make up their number one? Yeah, yeah, they just make up their number one? Yeah, yeah, they just make it up. They just think, oh, let's go for that one. I think I'm in the mood for some Prokofiev at number one today. No, they are both based on data, as you might expect. But as you point out, different data. Is one of them sales and one of them airplay or something?

Okay, the easy thing is the Radio 1 chart. That is based on the official charts company chart. That is the official chart based on sales. Based on sales and sales alone. Physical and download. Okay, the easy thing is the Radio 1 chart. That is based on the official charts company chart. That is the official chart based on sales. Based on sales and sales alone. Physical and download. Okay, good. Right. It doesn't include, they reckon, on estimate, 1% of all singles sold,

which are sold in shops that don't count as a major retailer. So, for example, if, I don't know, your local news agent gets 20 copies of the new X Factor Winners single, then that might not count. But basically, it counts in most major retailers, which includes iTunes. It's because the retailers have to have a special thing that feeds back to the record companies. Exactly, yes. Daily information on it.

It's also linked to the barcode on the single. So it doesn't count pirated sales, when someone burns CDs and takes them down the pub. I don't think so, Helen. That's unfair, isn't it? Maybe one day in the future, though, eh? The way things are going. Well, they are talking about streaming, of course.

They've started measuring streaming, but they haven't done anything with that information yet. They say they want to do an official streaming chart first. I think that's a bit different, isn't it? Because that's like measuring how many times you replayed your Bross single. Exactly, what constitutes a sale. Although I think, actually, if you do listen to something, say, ten times, I think that probably does count as a level of affection as much as it would as if you'd bought it measuring affection you cannot put a

number on affection well which is why they haven't done it yet yeah so okay so that's the radio one chart pure and simple sales pure and simple's at number one again everything comes around mylene's never gonna agree she's got a career um but the capital chart uh for for many years that used to be a combination of airplay and retail sales so what they used to do is numbers 40 through to 11 were a mix of airplay and sales so that they could make sure basically that they didn't have to play the bgs or status quo on capital they'd only play songs that fitted their brief what a fix yeah and then 10 to 1 they'd still obey the same chart as Radio 1.

And yet, she says different number ones. That's right. Because, as Laura has noted, they have recently changed this. Nowadays, they still have 40 through to 11 are the mix of Airplay and sales data. But 10 to 1 is now the iTunes chart. Oh. So that's why they say it's the chart that you can affect whilst you listen, because we don't lock down the chart until 6 p.m so is that just because they don't really pay anybody to line things up beforehand so they just get some temping at 6 p.m to look at itunes quite possibly it's

scott fry uh from swindon helena holly answer me this where did the name Rizla originate from the rolling papers? This is a very old brand, actually, by the Lacroix family in France. They were the cigarette rolling paper dynasty. And in 1866, they changed the paper to rice paper, which is Riz in French. And then the La was for Lacroix.

And then they had a little cross symbol that is still at the end of Rizla, and that's for the Croix. Good God. I had no idea it was even French, never mind that it had this sophisticated heritage. for La Croix and then they had a little cross symbol that is still at the end of Rizla and that's for the croix good god I had no idea it was even French never mind that it had this sophisticated heritage

I didn't know that it was French either because I associate it with people who love to roll the joints which I don't associate with France particularly no

it's actually should be pronounced Rizla Croix no one ever pronounces the cross do they what happens but that would be like saying Helen, Amber, and Ollie wouldn't it

it would at some point you've got to let it go Here's a question from Cordelia in Worcester Park Who says, Ollie answer me this What is the inside of a Milky Way Chocolate bar made out of? Today, a girl in my class said it was Sweet tofu, and another girl assured me It was indeed this substance

It could have some element of soy in it Because that is used as padding in a lot of confectionery Yeah, but it doesn't. Okay. Is it like sugary syrup with egg in it? It's nougat. It's nougat, yeah. Nougat. Nougat. Nougat. I've never actually said that word out loud so I don't know how to say it. Nougat. Nougat. It's nougat. Unless you're in the

I'll be watching Nougat tonight with Zooey Deschanel. Yeah, it's chocolate malt nougat and it's covered with milk chocolate. That's what's in it. It's the same essentially, isn't it, as in a Mars bar, but a bit more whipped up. Yes, well, it was created by the same man, Mr Mars. But what I didn't realise is that I just always assumed that Mars and Milky Way, since they're both made by Mars, that it was a deliberate pun on Mars and the solar system.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's not. It's coincidence. And isn't that weird, bearing in mind that Mars is named after a man called Mars? Maybe he didn't like the space connection to be made much of. He was embarrassed. But then it's all over their branding, isn't it? So why do they call it Milky Way?

They called it Milky Way because it's got chocolate malt in it and a popular chocolate malt milkshake in the 50s was called Milky Way. No way. No, it was called Milky Way, Martin. And they really like the song My Way and the word ilk. That is a really weird coincidence. That is a weird coincidence isn't it

But I think now when they have galaxy planets as well But that definitely There's not a man called galaxy They named it after their favourite car, the Ford Galaxy They named it after their favourite film, Galaxy Quest Well whilst we're talking about such wholesome Origins of words Or creamy substances

Here's one from Andy in Inverness Who says Helen answer me this Why is a wank called a wank Who came up with this word Creamy substances. Here's one from Andy in Inverness, who says, Helen, answer me this, why is a wank called a wank? Who came up with this word? Well, it's not known who came up with it, because it is a slang word of obscure origin. Uncertain origin, it says in my Collins Concise English Dictionary. And I don't believe those who suggest that it's a portmanteau word of wangwack,

but it could be a slightly corrupted pronunciation of either of those words. I speculate as to whether, because it seems to be a word of the last 50 years, whether maybe it was something that troops picked up during the war. So like you'd hear Americans say whack off, and then you can imagine Cockneys kind of turning that into wank off. Well, beds were known in World War II as wank pits, but the word was around in the 1800s when yeah when it meant a person who was weak and sickly and being weak and sickly was what happened to you if you

wanked too much there's not a great deal of false etymology around on the internet about this which considering it is such a huge slang word it's quite surprising it's an acronym i thought maybe we should invent our own uh i thought maybe we could say that it was named after Roland A. Wank, the Hungarian modernist architect. Roland A. Wank. He only died in 1970, so he must have found out before he died what it meant. That'd be great, wouldn't it? I'm living in a wank house. Hello. I'm the monk out of 90s band Enigma.

Helen, answer me this. What was that all about? Here's a question from Richard from Rayleigh, who says, Someone bought me some key rings from the Olympic Park shop. And so when I subsequently went to the Olympic Park shop, I saw the other key rings from the set and I wanted them all. And I spent £72 on key rings. the set and i wanted them all and i spent 72 pounds on key rings ollie answer me this am i an idiot for buying the overpriced shit of the olympic park shops um no you're susceptible aren't you but um i suppose you've created a collection there and uh it

probably won't be worth more than you paid for it, but at least it's complete. It is a collection, but he amassed it in one shopping trip and one gift. So there's no thrill of the chase there. That's the thing, at least with the pins, which are equally ridiculous, there is the thrill of the chase, because you have to swap with other people to get the full collection. You can't just buy them ready-made. I think you're misunderstanding his motivation here. You're viewing him as a collector.

I think he's not a collector. I think, like a hoarder, he's someone who's got a series of objects which represents an emotional time and state to him he's trying to hold on to that wonderful time over the summer that we all enjoyed well now he's going to remember the key rings more than the sporting events he's going to look at those key rings and think that's 72 quid i could have spent on other things but he's never going to lose his keys is he he might well he might struggle to find the keys amongst the massive bunch of key rings that he's carrying around. In any case, you've got a long way to go

before you equal the record of Brent Dixon of Georgia from the United States, who currently has the world's largest collection of keychains. Keychains? Keychains, which is the overall umbrella category, including key rings. Oh, really? Yes. Care to guess how many? 36,152. 41,418. Why, really? Yes. Care to guess how many? 36,152.

41,418. Why? Why? How? And where does he keep them all? Are they on display? Does he sort of have a chain mail house? Here's a question from Austin from London,

who says, My girlfriend Maria and I were watching This Is It, the Michael Jackson documentary, and some random came on to do the rap in black or white we've tried googling the rapper but all that comes up is the songwriter bill bottrell so ollie answer me this who did the rap in black or white well obviously we all know it was macaulay culkin really yeah surprisingly deep voice for a person uh but if you actually look into who did the rap on the record it is quite complicated there is a trail of clues

it's credited to a rapper called ltb okay okay and so is that little dirty bastard um it doesn't say what it is um there's no information really about ltb being at the recording session so you think okay is this an alias is it michael jackson doing his real speaking voice? Well... Rather than his stupid gerbil voice. I wonder, because you look into LTV, strangely, to confuse the picture, there is now a rapper called LTV, but reading his biography, he says that he was inspired by Eminem and DMX.

So I think, okay... So many acronyms. So I think it's... And LFO. And the London Symphony Orchestra. And the AT&T. I think it's unlikely that it's him

because he sounds a bit young but it does also say in his bio that he started rapping when he was 14 and then you think oh hold on then we're in

Michael Jackson territory aren't we could he have taken a 14 year old rapper under his wing not credited him but used him in the studio

so it's still possible like the guy could still only be 34 and have been 14 when Black or White was made how old is he? Well, it doesn't say.

So this is where I'm complaining. But I think it's highly unlikely that someone... So if LTB is now 22, your theory is... My theory is... No, no, no. It's not my theory. My theory is it's not him. But what I'm saying is that's the red herring.

You Google LTB and you find a rapper and people are like, oh, it's this guy. I'm pretty sure it wasn't that guy. Could it be another Jackson? Well, I think... La Toya. I think it La Toya. I think it probably is the writer, Bill Bottrell, because there weren't that many people in the studio when they wrote it.

It was basically him and Jackson. I think it probably was him. And also, if you look on the liner notes, LTB is also credited with doing the voice of the dad at the beginning, who says, turn it down, turn it down, when the kid's playing the loud music. Again, that points towards middle-aged man at the time. So a bit of homework for you listeners, go and try and find some other samples of Bill Bottrell doing vocal work

and see if you can make them tally. What I didn't remember about the video was that Michael Jackson is wearing a bandage like Keith Lemon on his hand. Which, yeah. Well, the amount he rubs his crotch in the video, I can understand why he might have got repetitive strain in his wanking hand. Hello, this is Greg Carter in Durham. I'm telling Ollie, answer me this.

I've just walked past one of the two fountains that we have in our tiny city. And I was wondering, with the icing that they put on the chocolates and the message, you can see, you know, I love you and all that stuff. Wouldn't it write something like, I'm sorry I fucked your sister? I would go into the store and ask, but there are normally small children around. Are there really two Thorntons in Durham?

I mean, there isn't even one in Victoria Station now, and that's about as big as Durham Town Centre. Yeah, anyway. According to the Thorntons' website, Greg, this is their legal disclaimer, please note, we reserve the right, we, Thorntons website Greg This is their legal disclaimer Please note we reserve the right We Thorntons reserve the right to reject Any icing messages

If they're deemed to contain Offensive language or are defamatory In nature So I think sorry I fucked your sister does probably Fall into that category You're going to have to think of a different way to say sorry They probably would just say sorry wouldn't they But I know from experience that they do not like a long message such as this.

I think they prefer it to be under 15 characters, really, because it's fiddly when it's small. Well, is it a free service when you go into the shop? Yeah. Well, of course, they're not going to want to put on six words when they can put on one. You could say sorry about your sister. Being fucked by me.

You just save that for the little ribbon you tie on the present. If you get the alphabet truffles Which are individual truffles Then what you could do is you could ask for Sorry I deck your tyre fuss Which is an exact anagram of sorry I fucked your sister And they just rearrange the letters Do you think they wouldn't find that a bit strange

Well it doesn't say that please note We reserve the right to reject any strange icing messages It says only defamatory and offensive Whereas sorry I deck your tyre fuss is not defamatory or offensive. But it can be with a little rearranging. See? I'll tell you what, though. I reckon 20 quid under the counter,

they'll write whatever you like. What I assume is you can't take anything else into the Thorntons and get it iced. No, that really would be taking the piss, wouldn't it? Well. Your chocolate's not great, but we love the icing. Can I just have the free icing service on this Cadbury's cream egg please can you write all over my face please there's only one way we're going to find out the intricacies of thornton's icing policy

and that listeners is if you go in and test it out go do that let us know what you can sneak through send us the evidence send us pictures yes please and we'll put them up on our website which is answer me this podcast.com where you can also head to send us a question via email, phone or Skype. And also you can find our first 120 episodes and our albums. Bye!