Answer Me This! - AMT246: Les Miserables Obsessions, Fortune-Teller Fish and Tongues

Episode Date: February 14, 2013

Les Miserables Obsessions, Fortune-Teller Fish and Tongues Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Has the Pope left his job to replace Jay in five? Has to be this, has to be this Why have my shares in Findus taken a dive? Has to be this, has to be this Helen and Ollie, has to be this Well, I guess it's just another one of those weeks where the only thing everyone can talk about is David Snedd 52 weeks a year

Well, John in Birmingham has written in to say Only thing everyone can talk about is David Sneddon. 52 weeks a year. Well, John in Birmingham has written in to say, you seem very clued up about David Sneddon. Well, not really, but I was very clued up on the first series of Fame Academy, which I used to watch obsessively. We've always liked to dip a toe into the pop cultural waters, I think. Yes. Speak for yourselves. Martin doesn't, because Martin cannot swim.

So John in Birmingham says, Helen, answer me this. What happened to Alex Parks, the winner of the second series? After a couple of really good singles and an excellent second album, she just seemed to vanish. It seems after her amazing second album, she retired from the music industry. She didn't really like it, or they weren't making enough money out of her. And one of you listeners wrote to us

relatively recently i can't remember why to tell us that alex parks was working in a cafe in cornwall what about that one who was a bit like pete doherty do you remember that yeah peter brame he went out with fern cotton and then disappeared so he's probably still in her house somewhere looking for the exit that was i didn't watch fame academy but as much as i sort of followed what was happening in the magazines and stuff my my understanding of that situation was, here's a man who dresses like Pete Doherty, therefore he's the same as Pete Doherty, because he's got the same haircut. And a hat.

Did Lamar do Fame Academy? Yes, he did. He was quite successful. Probably the most credible out of Fame Academy, I'd say. For a while, but where is he now? He's probably in the cafe with Alex Parks filling up the ketchup bottles. Yes, but he's the manager. Alex Parks is merely a temp. He's probably a regional manager

by now. Isn't it weird that we don't remember at all, really, David Stendon and Alex Parks? We have to Google them to help our memories. And yet, the likes of Jedward and the Cheeky Girls are household names still. It's better to be the joke candidate, isn't it? It really is. I mean, if Alex Parks sat on my face I wouldn't recognise her. She wouldn't, though, because she's not into men.

You're right. And that is the only reason. Otherwise, obviously, she'd feel compelled to do so. All lesbians are invisible to Olly Mann. Hi, this is Oliver from Salisbury. Helen Olly asked me this. How were the animals of the Chinese Zodiac chosen? An appropriate question

for this time of year of course because it is Chinese New Year as it is for weeks. What's that about? Why does that go on for weeks where everyone else new year is a day because there are a lot of delicious dim sum to eat at the time you can have a lovely moon cake with a preserved egg in it it seems to be quite difficult to find out why the particular animals have been chosen some say it's because astrology and that's what the constellations look like and then others say no it wasn't astrology at all it was buddha who made all the animals assemble to clear

up the world and only 12 of them showed up which is the 12 in the zodiac okay which is a lot more plausible even than astrology seems to me that a lot of this kind of chinese calendar stuff was done so that you can take the attributes of people that you know and say they were born in this year therefore they're a bit like a snake yes because as because as a rooster, Ollie, born in 1981, you are extremely sociable. Correct, right? Yeah. And prefer being the centre of attention. Warmer.

I don't know what you're talking about. Always bragging about themselves and their accomplishments. They continually seek the unwavering attention of others. At the Ollie Man. Which can be annoying. Right. But it's less accurate for mine, I think. It says that good career

fields for monkeys, born in 1980, are accounting and banking, air traffic controller, dealer, but it doesn't say a what, scientist, engineer, stock market trader. Well, actually, I'm laughing, Helen. It could be that you are in just completely the wrong line of work. Well, great news

though for the Chinese New Year, but also just for february we have a special promotion going with audible that's right what better way to celebrate the chinese new year than with your choice of a free audiobook from over 80 000 available freebies freebies we strongly recommend because it's like reading but easier that's right we know you like listening to people talking because you're doing it right now you can do that and sound learned when you talk about what you've heard instead of when you've just listened to this trivial shit yeah if you think oh i like free things i like audiobooks uh just hop along to answer me this podcast.com slash audible and if you do that you are supporting

answer me this so we'll be very grateful and you'll be very grateful to yourself for having the acumen to download a free audio book. Do you have a particular title that you're keen to get on with? I am quite keen to listen to Frank Langella's memoirs. Not because I'm very familiar with the work of the actor Frank Langella, but because he shagged everybody in Hollywood. Is the title To Be Frank? I don't know. It should be because it sounds if it's going to be a sexual confession, that would be a good title.

But I bet every Frank thinks, should the title of my autobiography be To Be Frank. Sinatra, Sidebottom. Yeah, Skinner. And then once you've done it, you can't then nick another Frank. I don't think Anne Frank's got an audiobook, Helen, for obvious reasons.

She's not narrated it herself, but there is one. No, but I agree. I think once you've done it, then you can't, you can't rip it off. There's also Fifty Shades of Grey is now an audiobook, ladies. I listened to a bit of that because you can listen to extracts before you choose your book.

And it sounded like the narrator was slightly mocking the material and not being the finest literature. Well, but yeah, but how do you read that kind of steamy clap trap without sounding a bit like you're having fun? The bit I heard wasn't even steamy. It was someone driving a car. Oh, it was such a great car. I love the powerfulness of the car.

She drove it along the road, the big road. You too could be listening to that for free, listeners, if you take this promotion. Here's a question from Elliot who says, I have been in a queue before. Wow, good story. Slow hand clap. In fact, I was in one today Oh my god, it's an even better story than I thought I was being sarcastic

Answer me this, Ollie What is the longest queue ever? This is a very tricky question actually Harder than it appears because how do you judge the longest queue? Is it the amount of people or the amount of time? If I'd known this question was going to be tricky Then I would have nixed it on grounds of being very unrewarding even if you can answer it uh if it's how many people i think it should be how many people okay yeah because you could queue by

yourself outside the apple store for 200 days before the new iphone well i was gonna use that as an example yeah because exactly but that's just where you live you live on the street outside the apple store but anyway in terms of the amount of people rather than time uh water aid did a publicity stunt where they tried to do the world's longest queue for a toilet oh no the problem is these people weren't even really queuing to use the well if they were it would have been disgusting they would have needed to use the toilet eventually yeah that's true you can't fake a queue well this thing but they did but they did all around the world various like rotary clubs and stuff did it. There was one group in India, and particularly in Bhopal,

1,500 people queued for a toilet to raise awareness. But actually... That's stupid. Well, and also, queues to get into like, say, the Olympic Stadium, that would be 100,000 people, wouldn't it? So then you think, well, that's not the longest queue, is it?

What about the long march? It's not a queue because they're marching. Yeah, but they're getting somewhere and they've got to wait to get there. No, but queuing, you have to stand. What about the exile from Egypt? That's, again, it's not a queue. The world's longest queue.

You need them to be queuing, Martin, not walking. And Moses issued everyone a fast pass. If you've got a question, email your question to answer me this podcast at googlemail.com

Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com It's great. So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America.

We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Here's a question from Ed from Oxford who says, Ollie, answer me this. Why are those cellophane fortune-telling thingies that you get in crackers always in the shape of a fish? Now, for those of you who think we might be talking about Jacob's crackers there, we're not.

We're talking about bits of cellophane, cellophane. shaped like a fish that come in Christmas crackers. Yeah, you put them in your hand and they curl up according to your mood, but really, presumably according to the heat of your hand. Yeah, well, according to molecules, basically. Oh, what? They're made of sodium polyacrylate uh and that

means that they just grab onto water molecules so it depends how watery and how humid the area is around it yeah so if you're sweaty if your hands are clammy if you've just been touching water it's going to curl up differently which is why it appears to react differently to different people it's actually the different atmospheres of of their hands oh that's interesting you could use that as a tester If you're going to get a damn clammy handshake You'd be like, hold it there, I've just got to test you Yeah, I'm not going near that

But as for why they're shaped like fish It's very hard to find out that I imagine it's just that it needs to be roughly that size For it to curl up And that shape, it can't be too wide So it's going to be just a square otherwise And it's just more fun to cut it into a novelty shape And I suppose a fish is very easy, isn't it?

Two triangles at the end, round thing at the end, easy Some little decorative scales You can make a snowman, that's just more fun to cut it into a novelty shape and I suppose a fish is very easy isn't it two triangles at the end round thing at the end easy some little decorative scales you can make a snowman that would be more Christmas yeah that's true but then the snowman

would be odd in red wouldn't it rocket or a rasher of bacon that wouldn't be too odd in red or cock and balls actually yes oh business idea Ollie

the rude cracker industry adultmysteryfish.com Yeah what's your destiny Whoa it looks like you've got a curly cock No but actually you could do one that sort of Prophesied how well you do in bed In a kind of kiss and tell type way So at the end of the dinner party

Fruity adult dinner party Not the kind of thing we'd enjoy But you know I'm talking about a product we can sell here At the end of the meal People once have had a few drinks Get out the mystery fish In the shape of the cock and balls

John can't get it up Exactly And you find out everyone's proficiency in the sack From how the cock and balls curls Yuck With the right packaging And summer's Christmas time 6.99 you could sell that

That's ingenious And that's the cost of what? 20p A penny That's one of your better mad ideas It's really quite good My sister-in-law makes bespoke crackers. She's not a very bawdy person,

but maybe she could be convinced to make that her side dish. Adult range. Just slip in a cog. I'm actually, I'm interested in sort of business side projects this year, so you know.

Oh, yeah. I might sniff that one out. Why don't you see what other things curl up when you put them in someone's wet hand? Looked a whole range. Well, here's something else that's wet and bendy a tongue uh this is from chris from cardiff australia who says sell and answer me this

what benefit is there in kissing with tongues that's such an incredibly results driven way of looking at it yes exactly you could say what benefit is there in foreplay i suppose am i gonna see a quarterly rise no what is the point of a person? As a 20-year-old, he says, who's never been able to poke my tongue out. They should have a benefit for you. I've got a really short tongue as well. And you call it tongue. I can't say the word because it's

so little. Put your tongue out now. How far? Full extent. You've just said you've got a little one. That's not little, that's normal. He only put that far out to impress you. I mean, his normal natural range would be much shorter. I could barely reach my teeth. Oh no, that's normal. No, he only put that far out to impress you. I mean, his normal natural range would be much shorter. I could barely reach my teeth. Oh no, he's going to go to the orthodontist now and be like, what have you done?

I was trying to impress my friend. I don't know what big tongue I have. I'm dislocated my tongue. Anyway, Chris says, I've never been able to poke my tongue out and I've never had the opportunity to kiss a girl passionately enough to require tongues. Again, the use of the word require seems to suggest a slightly scientific way of looking at the motions

of love release the tongue uh so i don't really understand he says the utility or the appeal of getting the tongue involved you should find a girl who's got a really long tongue and then this wouldn't be a problem why so well because they would make up the shortfall. I don't think that's true because I think someone with a very long tongue will be very disappointed with someone who has a very shallow tongue in response. No, I reckon they might enjoy the fact that they are the tongue dominator.

Oh, yeah. For the tongue top. So actually, Chris, what you'd have to do is be like, oh, your tongue makes my tongue look so small. Oh, it's so dainty, my tongue. Maybe. It's not something you hear much about, feeling inadequate because of your tongue size. small oh it's so dainty my tongue maybe it's not something you hear much about feeling inadequate because of your tongue thighs no it's not it's also not really

something you hear that much people questioning the nature of french kissing very much but uh i suppose it is a sort of accepted thing isn't it as a child you question it i remember asking my mom if i could kiss her like they kiss on dynasty, after you've thrown her into a fish pond and stolen all her diamonds? Yeah. And she was a bit repulsed by that question. Your mum is a very attractive woman. Other people would understand. It wasn't based on that. No. It was just natural child curiosity.

You don't know what's sexual and what isn't because nothing's sexual then. That's right. You can imagine my life was super sexual then. Radlet in the 80s. That's the thing though. They didn't kiss with tongues in Radlet in the 80s. No, they didn't. It's like when you think of Britain in the brief encounter years, I bet tongue kissing was quite a licentious, deviant activity.

Yes, and probably American as well. I know we call it French kissing, probably seen as an American thing, as it probably Hollywood really brought that along. Well, film kisses from that period are the worst. It's just people bashing their faces together and then twisting them from side to side and it just looks so horrible. They used to grind pepper in those days. I'd imagine there are some evolutionary

benefits to the tongue. Partly it's got a lot of sensory receptors in it and so not only can you feel more and give somebody else more action in their mouth but also it's probably something which is triggered in your mind by the taste of the other person yeah so i was going to say taste is a sense isn't it and yeah but it does make sense isn't it if you're attracted to someone if you want to consume them

there's an element of well you you can smell them and before you touch them you can actually taste them as well but it sort of introduces the tactile motif of penetration doesn't it which is uh apparently a big part of sexual intercourse i can't believe you said that in this podcast, the tactile motif. Watch your mouth out, Martin. Cut out your tiny tongue. You're here to make licentious remarks. You're not supposed to say quasi-academic things like that. Can't you say ball sack if you lost the talent? I'm not familiar with the words of ball sack.

You're right that it's a sort of foreplay, a kind of meta version of the exchange of fluids isn't it that is to come and and the the placing of bodily objects into orifices of the body well yes and also of course it's something you could do before marriage isn't it i mean nowadays it's less relevant but in the days before we got married but it's something to you know if you'd never had sex before and you knew how to wait two years before having sex then kissing would be a really big deal wouldn't you'd want to innovate that kiss every possible way you could like one day you'd never had sex before and you knew you had to wait two years before having sex, then kissing would be a really big deal, wouldn't it? You'd want to innovate that kiss every possible way you could. One day you'd have a bit of ginger on your tongue.

Do you know what I mean? Anything. One day you'd have a little party whistle in there. What is that? Phosphosphate. A condom on your tongue. Does this taste of menthol? Oh, yeah, it's one of the delay ones. That might be useful if you're eating your dinner too quickly in this time of purse strings tightening the internet's a smorgasbord of fabulous free things

like showbiz news no need for magazines stalking your old school friends videos of fat kids falling over stealing films and music sharing photos of your nan filing your tax return but by far my favorite free thing thing to type is answer me this into skype here's a question from amy from york who says ollie answer me this in stop motion animation what do they use to animate water good question is it shiny things like shiny cellophane or shiny fabric or shiny yes shiny shiny shiny yellow plastic um i think i think sometimes they do actually just use water uh but obviously the problem is that's quite hard to control if you want it to move they always say never work with children animals or water so it's fine if for example there's a cup of tea in the background of the shot and it's not going to move at all then you could probably use real liquid but of course as soon as it needs to move so for example if it's the ocean if it's the sea yeah then yeah you need to use something iridescent

so that it looks shiny and like water because if you're doing frame by frame then you're not getting a continuous shot of the water so if you have to move the character bit by bit then and the water needs to move at the same time obviously you need to be in control of that whereas water bloody nightmare apparently sometimes they use hair gel okay that must stink james and the giant peach there was um a water fountain in the background in one of like a square that's tricky yeah very tricky right so apparently what they had is that this imagine how painful i know everything about stop motion animation is incredibly painful and laborious anyway it's like you hate yourselves stop motion animators especially when computer animation exists now as well i mean it really is It's almost a sort of extravagant way of self-flagellation.

But anyway, they had water fountains. And what they did is they had a series of sculptures of water fountains showing the water in different stages. And each time they moved a frame, they swapped the water fountain for the next one so that it gave the impression of movement throughout the sequence. It's a great job for people with OCD. It really is.

My name's Gavin from Hull. Helen Lawley, Anthony Hayes. My perspective for the baby and everything, everything that's bought for the baby seems to have giraffes on it. And I'm wondering what the connection is with giraffes and babies. Well, what's the connection between babies and Elmer the Elephant?

Or babies and little skyrockets printed all over their pyjamas? Or babies in the ABC, something that they don't really have to learn for about another two and a half years. Exactly. Got to put something on it, haven't you? And it would be inappropriate to put adult themes on their clothes. And the colour scheme of giraffes is quite good for hiding piss and shit stains and sick that's a very rational reason that i haven't considered and also it's a non-gender specific animal because all little girl stuff which is why i don't believe your giraffe theory gavin

all stuff for little girls is covered in butterflies okay that's interesting maybe it's a metaphor for the new life that the baby represents but that only really works if maternity clothes were covered in caterpillars. Yes. I don't want to get into the whole area of blue for boys and pink for girls. I am interested in the idea of gender-specific animals, though. I mean, take an elephant. I think of that as female, but I think it's because it nurtures its young for so long. Okay, rook?

Male. Monkey? Male. Yeah, it's interesting. so long. Okay, rook? Male. Monkey? Male. Yeah, it's interesting. I think a monkey is male as well, but it has quite a male tendency, doesn't it? What, to spunk everywhere? No, the whole kind of, I don't know,

the slight infantilisation of chimpanzees, the way people go like, oh, you cheeky monkey is very much like you're a little boy, isn't it? Even if they're female monkeys. Oh, go on. Koala? Lazy male or sexless female. I think that's kind of non-specific i think those

categories that you just outlined would be harsh things to prescribe to a baby but um interesting jackson leads helen and ollie answer me this since i've been getting a free period off school every uh end of thursday i've found myself going to the cinema, making it a tradition, and since it's Thursday daytime, there's usually nobody there except me, maybe a couple of people there. I'm seeing this. How acceptable is it to move into one of the more premium seats? I've heard the way I see it, I've paid for quite a bit of a ticket anyway, so if no one's going to be sitting there,

is it not just a waste to sit there myself? Well, it's kind of fine, isn't it? But the fact that you're calling us about it suggests you have a guilty conscience for doing it. You know that it's not quite right and it's not what you've paid for. You know that there's some niggling doubt there. I don't understand the whole premium pricing of seats in a cinema. The premium thing, yeah, it's a crock, isn't it?

Rubbish. It is rubbish. A bigger cup holder. Give over. Well, no, there's leather padding as well. I don't want that in a seat. It's very. A bigger cup holder. Give over. Well no there's leather padding as well. I don't want that. It's very important if you're seeing a fetish film. I want something that is not a leather seat. If anything I'd have to take a blanket to cover it. The problem with the premium seats is not so much that they're more comfortable which is why you'd want to sit

there because I agree with you actually in a modern multiplex cinema they're all roughly the same level of comfort anyway. The issue is they block out the two rows that roughly are the ones you'd want to sit in aren't they? About halfway back. So you're paying for the location, really. Oh, I see. So it's, you know, from that point of view, yes, I agree. I'd move there if I could. Have you ever, when you were a kid, especially perhaps underage,

snuck into a screening of a film for which you did not have a ticket? Well, as an adult, my friend Julie and I were going to go and see a Mike Lee film. And she watched the credits and she said, this is going to be depressing. And I said, yes, well, it is a Mike Lee film. I was surprised that you suggested it. It doesn't seem to be really your bag. And so we went into another screen instead. And I think we watched Red Dragon, which was rubbish.

Well, I went to see Boogie Nights when I was too young to go and see Boogie Nights. Jesus, you deviant. By buying a ticket for a 15 and then sneaking into an 18 and it was full. Oh, so what did you do? Well, it was unreserved seating. So me and my friend got there during the trailers, then sat down.

And then when people came in with tickets, they were really furious because they couldn't get a seat. And you didn't care. Then they brought in someone with like a torch, like turn the lights on. It was like, there are people in here who shouldn't have tickets. I'm not going to own up then because you're going to get chucked out the cinema.

And you're quite a good actor. so you probably wore your most innocent face. So what happened? The other people got their money back, turned away, said sorry, there aren't any more seats sold out. We'd fuck them over, but at that point, you can't admit defeat, can you? It's too embarrassing. What a monster. Well, I hope it was worth it, Ollie.

It was quite a good film, actually. If you're going to sneak in to see an 18 when you're too young, I think Boogie Nights is quite a good one. Yeah, because you're getting William H. Macy and John C. Reilly for your illicit viewing. All of the initials. If you're in a nearly empty cinema on a Thursday afternoon, I think it's very

unlikely that the staff really give a shit where you're sitting. Yeah. What a joy as well. What was your free period joy when you were in the... I imagine he's probably in the sixth form. We weren't allowed to do anything. We had to go to the library. Really? Occasionally people would go to the music rooms to cop off. My free period treat he's probably in the sixth form. We weren't allowed to do anything. We had to go to the library. Really? Occasionally people would go to the music rooms to cop off. My free period treat when I was in the sixth form. Did you have free periods?

Because you went to hippie schools. The whole thing was voluntary, man. Everything's a free period. Yeah, yeah, we did. We'd have like... I think it was Wednesday afternoons. We'd finish at like 12. Learn or don't learn.

I don't care. Make your own decisions, guys. It's autonomous. I went to the gym. That was... Honestly, I know. Time well invested that was the most um illicit activity you could think of i got really into it when i was in the

sixth form wednesday afternoons me and ben used to go to the gym together muscle man yeah that's so weird all my friends went to the pub and played pool and smoked fags and in my free periods i probably did physics homework hi helen ollie and mart. This is Toby from Eastbourne. I've just had a packet of fruit pastels where all I got was red sweets with the exception of one green one. When I said this to my friend, they said I had better chances of winning the lottery. Is that true?

The lottery is going to be harder to win because although you've only got half a dozen balls to match, whereas in the fruit pastels you've got 14, instead of there being just five or six flavours, there are, well, it goes up to double figures, doesn't it, of lottery balls? 49, I think. So you know, don't you, that clearly the odds on the lottery are still pretty high. But in pastel terms, it's still remarkable, I think,

to get 13 pastels all the same colour. Oh, but would you want them all to be green? No! Never. I'm doing this off the top of my head, so I might have got some of the factors out, but I think it's about one in six billion. Oh, so it's much rarer than a lottery win.

Yeah, if I've got that right, yeah. No, there's no way you've got that right. For the reason I said, that can't be true. It's unlikely, but it's not as unlikely as winning tens of millions of pounds. And it's not as good, is it? No, it's definitely not as good. How long can you dine out on this?

How many of your friends are desperately trying to get you to have one of your green fruit pastels? Did you ever see the internet myth about the lady who thought it would be sexually entertaining to be licked out with fruit pastels inside her? Is the fizz going to cause us some gynecological problems? The internet myth

was that her boyfriend chomped down on one and it turned out to be a genital wart. Oh, that's stupid. It's ridiculous, isn't it? But I've seen it written about in numerous forums of that type. Oh, so it must be true.

Well, I've seen Pride and Prejudice written about a lot so that must have been a true story as well. I think some people genuinely do hope that it was.

That Lizzie Bennet had genital warts shaped like fruit pastels. That's why the book ends when it does. Yes, it's better that way. They lived happily ever after. Nothing happened.

I like reading, but not while I'm driving. Apparently that's illegal. I want to listen to Richard Dawkins reading Darwin's Voyage of the Beagle. Me too. Well, now we can do that. And I'll keep my license by signing up for a free audio book let's go to answer me this podcast.com slash audible and have a look here's a question from ian in st albans who says today I noticed on the news that a woman had been to see Les Miserables at the theatre 957 times.

Wow. One day more. And then some. She might have been a few more times since he sent this email. How long is Les Mis? In the theatre, it's about four hours of your life because you've got the interval in the middle. Well, it's not only a time cost because Ian says, so far this has cost her an estimated £50,000.

Oh, wow. It's a bit over 50 quid a time. Ian says, I remarked to my wife that I thought it was rather odd for someone to do this, but my wife's view was that as long as the person is getting enjoyment, there is nothing wrong with it. That's right, yes. If you enjoy watching a convict manning the barricades of a revolution as his comrades die around him, there's nothing weird about that.

See it as many times as you like. Any compulsive behaviour, as long as they're enjoying it, there's nothing wrong with it. Take your joy in whatever pain you see. Well, Ian disagrees with his wife. He says, surely it cannot be good for someone to be so hooked on something to that extent. My wife was quick to point out that i watched some of my favorite tv and movies over and over e.g fraser and white christmas however 957 times come on yeah exactly you could not get through the fraser episodes where daphne's mom is in it more than once. Anyway, Ian says, Ollie, answer me this.

Is it weird to see a show time and time and time and time again? Well, the example that you raise, Ian, of watching the same thing at Christmas, which I imagine is why you watch White Christmas a lot. Well, he hasn't said that he watches it at Christmas. No, he hasn't. But like I say, I imagine... You're assuming.

You're normalising it. Yeah. If you watch White Christmas every day, then you're a hypocrite Yes But because I do That Christmas thing Myself I watch Mary Poppins

Every Christmas That's not even a Christmas film It's just a Christmas Compatible film It's a really Christmassy feeling Like musicals Somehow are right at Christmas

Little Shop of Horrors That's not Christmassy Even though Christmas Is plants Well I think all musicals Are slightly Christmassy But Mary Poppins

In particular But the point is I watch it every Boxing Day I feel like Boxing Day it every Boxing Day. I feel like Boxing Day isn't Boxing Day unless I've seen it. And yet you've never bloody seen The Sound of Music, you pervert. Yeah, no, I've never seen that. Why? What's wrong with you? Because Mary Poppins fills that function for me, ticks that box for me.

Every Christmas, I think, I want that candy stripe jacket that Bert's wearing in the Jolly Holiday sequence, and then I forget all about it. But then you might watch Sound of Music and think, I want those romper suits made out of curtains that all those kids are wearing. You haven't given yourself the chance. There's a whole different scale. I dread to think how many times

I've seen the film Aliens. I can quote that film almost verbatim. But this woman has watched Les Mis, the equivalent of six months without sleeping continuously in her life think about that that is terrifying that's like going to the main bay yeah no i think i i think what you were hinting at there regarding my lack of interest in the sound of music is part of the conversation here isn't it not to take anything away from her love of les mis i think it's a good piece of work it's

good show but when you're seeing it that many times it it uh it's it's a compulsion it's no longer discovery or enjoyment. It's the unwillingness to let go of the familiar in favour of a fresh experience, maybe. It betrays a lack of curiosity about other art. It's like the hoarding of culture, isn't it? Yeah. There's other things she would have missed

because she would perhaps never know about the work of David Sneddon because she was watching Les Miserailles. How do you think she feels about the film? Well, I think the problem with this is, though les mis is a massive show i think one of the most successful musicals of all time nonetheless she probably feels it's her thing like she probably thinks well if i i don't know if she's seen it more than anyone else in the world she probably has she probably thinks this is my little secret and it's that thing of the whole world then being able to do a thing that you love you know like when you really love a band you

listen to their cd every day and then suddenly they get a a thing that you love you know like when you really love a band and you listen to their CD every day and then suddenly they get a number one you know well also she's been to the theatre yeah

I'm speculating that Ian saw her on local news not national so if this woman lives in St Albans she's got to come into London

she's got to get to Cambridge Circus as was now wherever it is now that can be £13 even off P yeah well I suppose though

she's thinking they suffered on the barricades I can do this again. Or at least a sandwich on the way. I mean there is something reassuring about seeing the same thing again and again. This is why children like things to be repeated, isn't it?

This is why people listen to our podcast. Well, and you know this is why actually a lot of those kinds of formulaic kind of lifestyle shows that I enjoy I do watch every week even though they are basically the same.

I mean I've seen a lot of episodes of The Hotel Inspector. That's basically the same show every week. I might as well be watching a repeat. Yes, reality shows, even though reality is a prey to a potential infinity of different paths, the editing tends to be very similar all the time.

Yeah. Well, Undercover Boss is one. I love Undercover Boss. But once you've seen it a few times, you can imagine it in your mind. You could just imagine a company and then play out that whole hour in your imagination yeah well because and the thing that's ruined it for me now is i watch it and as they meet the members of staff i'm like okay what's wrong with this one dead kid disabled mum cancer she's got cancer she could never finish her degree because she was caring

for her mom who had cancer yeah and you know when know, when you see them, you're like, okay, well, that's the story. And that's kind of ruined it. Because the first time you almost, you went along with it, didn't you? I can't believe this guy, Yankee Candles, got cancer. The man who runs Subway is just so nice. The first time you actually genuinely believe he may have just stumbled across a member of staff who happened to have this tragic circumstance, happened to have been homeless. And then when you see it for the fourth time, you're like you're like oh okay they actually researched this and they go around finding

people with sub stories and everyone knows that they're in a tv show and like oh okay i do that but still you know it works on ollie man every time yeah it's something there's something reassuring about the fact that you know that it's safe and it's going to be the same you know that your button is going to be pushed at the 30 minute mark and the 50 minute mark and actually with lame is it is very sad. You know, and it is that thing as well. She probably knows, she probably cries every time. And so maybe she's looking for that depth of emotion.

Well, that brings us to the end of this week's episode of Answer Me This. You are kidding me. We have to remind you listeners to go and get your free Audible audio book. And you can do that by going to our website, AnswerMeThisPodcast.com slash Audible. Do it now.

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that we haven't had yet makes it into the show. Bye. Heaven and all the other news.