Answer Me This! - AMT248: Google Glass, Flu Camp and London, Ontario

Episode Date: February 28, 2013

Google Glass, Flu Camp and London, Ontario Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why can't Rihanna's clothing range keep my tits covered? Has to be this, has to be this What has Discovery Channel ever discovered? Has to be this, has to be this Helen and Ollie, has to be this Last week, listeners, we expressed surprise that any of you, or indeed anyone in the great United Kingdom in which we live Or anybody, sound of mind and body actually eats pot noodles and about three of you did and one of those people is mark from hampshire he says

my name is mark from hampshire and i am a pot noodle eater hello mark i've learned to adapt and alter the delicious pots into culinary delights one, add boiling water to pot as you normally would. I never would. Now, pour the mixture into an expensive, delicate china bowl. This is called posh noodle. Very, very good. Version two, use contents as filling for wholemeal bread sandwich. This is called pot noodle sandwich.

That doesn't sound good. I hope that this email says Mark will encourage you To be tempted by the forbidden fruit that is a beef and tomato Pot noodle It hasn't I'd rather pour boiling water on some cat litter and eat that Well we're not quite at the beginning of the episode But hopefully we're close enough to it

For Philip to hear us Read this message from his boyfriend Simon in London Who says please could you answer us this at the beginning of an episode because my boyfriend Philip and I listen to you in bed every week and Philip has a tendency to doze off. Thanks very much for that. Why do people tell us that like it's a compliment?

Anyway, Simon says, Simon says, put your hands on your head, Ollie. He says, my boyfriend Pip is going on tour with a play from April all across Australia. He'll be gone a minimum of two months and a maximum of four and a half months. Presumably that's a maximum of four and a half months if the show extends its run, because it's so wildly popular. If it's a massive hit, Simon, and I don't mean to make the situation worse than it obviously is. Could be gone for a year on Australian Broadway. Exactly.

If there's some flexibility, if Pip ends up getting a part in Neighbours, could be gone for years, like Toadie. Yeah, or he could be written out very quickly, like the Hancock family. Simon continues, I can't afford, as it stands, to fly myself out to Australia. No, well, that's expensive.

Ollie, answer me this. Should I sign up to flu camp in Whitechapel to afford my way out there? Oh, God. They pay up to £3,800 for 10 afford my way out there oh god they pay up to 3 800 pounds for 10 to 18 days yeah and your life that's the deal don't you understand we've said this before about medical trials yes that's the deal but potentially you could die like obviously that's rare and it's very sad when it happens but it's possible isn't it yeah well he says i figure that

that's a lot of time to catch up on box sets yeah with the flu which makes everything miserable this is the thing i mean people say don't know you get what you pay for yeah well i think it's yeah i think you get what you're paid for and in that instance you're getting paid to feel terrible 3 750 pounds as their website says they will pay you up to which means you're only going to get that if you're on the most deadly flu trial. What if you are just given 100 quid because they've just given you the sniffles? I'm a bit dubious of Flu Camp Simon, not because of anything specific I've heard about them,

but because their website is a bit too studiedly casual. It's a bit too like, yeah, hey guys, we want to find out about viruses, so come and hang with us, you'll meet some great peeps. Also on their website, they have a tab which is called the science bit, which i think is a bit too trivial for studies into diseases that kill people because flu is still a deadly disease i mean when it was shampoo it was fine because it's just shampoo yeah well i know what you i know what you mean but they're deliberately

referencing something from pop culture there to show that hey we do science but we're pretty hip with it yeah this is the fun side of science. This is a great opportunity to focus on work or studies, to write that ever-elusive book you've been promising yourself, or simply to catch up on some shut-eye. So they're acting like it's a sort of spa or a writing retreat. To play devil's advocate here, medical science doesn't

need people to volunteer for these trials. And if your motivation is that you want to go and see your boyfriend in Australia... And give him some of your viruses then yes, you should. You should help science go forward and in the process, beg yourself some money for a flight. Even so, the flu can be really debilitating

and even though they might only keep you for up to 18 days you could have weeks afterwards in which you're feeling very drained and in need of recovery. And you've got to factor that in to the amount of time this trial would take and the money therefore. Anyway, make sure that if you are going in, you do take box sets with you, as you suggest, because the quality of daytime television at the moment

is absolutely piss poor. Have you seen Tipping Point? No. It is absolutely extraordinary. What's the premise? If I tell you the premise, you will say to me, I cannot believe this is possible. A full hour every day,

skipped across the week, five days a week, of playing the Penny Arcade thing from the seaside where you put in a coin and it tries to push other coins out of the machine oh that's it that's a really boring game i don't object to the idea of supersized uh funfair arcade games as a quiz show why don't they have the soft toy grabber exactly if they've been grabbed if they mixed it up if they had a bit of splat the rat and then they had a bit of outat the rat And then they had a bit Of Outrun or something And then they had that

But the whole game Is just this giant Coin pushing thing And they try and build Suspense in it So you put the penny The contestants don't even Put the penny in themselves

Oh that's not fair That's like telling your child They can't put it in Exactly So it just drops down there So I'll have it in column 4 please Ben Shepard hosts it The best player from Soundgarden

That's right Then different Soundgarden Vinyl LPs Fall down the halls And then Ben Shepard hosts it. The bass player from Soundgarden. That's right. Then different Soundgarden vinyl LPs fall down the halls and then Ben Shepard has to stand there and sort of create drama out of it. Like, oh, is it going to push it? Oh, oh no, it hasn't this time, Derek, I'm sorry. And then there's general knowledge questions to see if they can play again. And you think,

okay, well, at least in the questions, you know, we'll get a who wants to be a millionaire type learning out of this. No, the questions are like, which of these is an english monarch henry the fourth or lorraine kelly it's that kind of standard she's the queen of our hearts and it's just like it's so depressing that people spend five hours a week watching that well maybe they don't maybe they just dabble maybe it's just you that spends five hours a week i think they do and i think the sadness is they have no choice about what channel they're watching because they're all in old people's homes here's a question from Sam, who says,

My hairdresser is quite wealthy. She has a daughter in a private school, and by her own admission, doesn't need to work. She just does it for the love of the hair. The haircut cost me £8, but I always feel obliged to give her £10. Ollie, answer me this. Should I be tipping her if she is richer than me? Well, it's up to her what to spend the money on, isn't it? Those private school bills aren't going to pay themselves.

Yeah, maybe her daughter's got a scholarship. Maybe, though, it's just easiest to take the exact change with you. No, no. If he feels like he'd tip any hairdresser, then he should tip this woman, just because she says, I don't need to work. What she might mean by that is, I could live a normal lifestyle without working, but I like the little luxuries that I have.

Things that maybe you, Sam, even take for granted. Like having a nest of hair on her floor. And it's her choice to spend her money on those things, isn't it? If you follow this through to its logical conclusion, otherwise, Sam, you would only tip, and in fact, you'd over-tip people who earn less than you. So every time you went and got a Big Mac, you'd leave a fiver on the table. And also maybe if you were an employer, you'd find out how big your employees' savings were,

and you'd be like, well, you've been very financially clever, so I'm going to dock your wages. Yeah, well, that's the thing, isn't it? Yes. How did she build up this pile of cash that she sleeps on? It might be through hard and diligent work, Sam. She saved all those two poundses and now she's got a good nest egg. But also,

eight pounds seems like a very good haircut deal these days. That is a good deal, actually. Even for men's hair, which is traditionally cheaper than a lady's haircut. Martin got his haircut today. The hairdresser also managed to cut his beard as well, so it's roughly the same length as the hair on the top. I'm not very pleased with the beard. Roughly, turn him around, you can't even tell which way the hair on the top. I'm not very pleased with the beard. Roughly turn him around

you can't even tell which way you're looking at him. I look like an Iron Man character rather than a sort of playful hippie. But I bring this up because I just want to revel in a moment that I overheard earlier which is how much Martin paid for this haircut because I seem to remember

that in the early years of this podcast you chastised me for spending £40 on my hair. You said, oh, I go to Mr. Toppers I believe was the quote. To be fair, I was pointing... Hold on. Since then, I've found, I think you'll agree, my hair looks perfectly functional.

It's adequate. I've found a perfectly stylish unisex barber which charges me £30 in the centre of town. How much was your hair, Martin? £44. £44. Look how the tables have turned How often do you have your hair cut then?

Every day Just touched up They do the nose hairs And about every two months I get mine done about every six months I see, okay So you're making a saving week by week On a PA

I still think you'll find that you're a hypocrite I was only complaining that you spent £40 on a shit haircut Martin also has a lot of fur I was only complaining that you spent £40 on a shit haircut. Martin also has a lot of fur. I mean, they had to clip him all over just to get it all an equal length. Just to get near him. It's quite thick, that's his wire cutters. If you've got a question, email your question to answermethispodcast at googlemail.com

answermethispodcast at googlemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles.

And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. California, California, waiting in the sun, number one, going on the run today. Are you singing Jenny Mitchell? That's right. I thought you were singing that,

California, no doubt about it. No, I was singing it. Did you recognise it by the end? I recognised it by the first word that wasn't California. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, as we all know, that's a song famously about Catherine from California, it by the end i recognize it by the first word that wasn't california yeah yeah yeah anyway uh as we all know that's a song famously about katherine from california uh who's written katherine fornia that's a chili peppers album isn't it uh that's kathra fornication

who's written to us to say i am three months pregnant congratulations yeah that's right that's the time at which you're allowed to say that isn isn't it? Well done. Yeah, good work. She says, I work in a place that has been known to hand over boring and or dead-end projects to pregnant women.

Oh. Out of fear that they will not come back after maternity leave. That's a way to guarantee it, isn't it? Yeah, it's hardly going to inspire them to hang on,

isn't it? Yeah, but it's much easier, isn't it, to control your fears than be afraid of the unknown. Than to face them. Also, I thought maternity leave in America is about ten minutes. So it doesn't make much difference to them, surely.

Is she out of the operating room? Get her back on the project. Although she hasn't said what job she has. If she's a short order cook, they're like, well, we can't give Catherine the omelette. We better just give her the fried eggs because she could be gone for longer than it takes to make the omelette. I can't argue with that logic, Helen. We just don't have the information Ollie. She continues, prior

to my pregnancy, I dropped ten sizes due to exercise and diet. Congratulations! That's huge, isn't it? That's impressive. That's like old Oprah to mid-period Oprah. See how much more impressed we are by that than her having a baby. Congratulations, you've

lost a person catherine and gained one as well well because i can't lose weight i've tried whereas i reckon i can father a baby you probably couldn't be pregnant with one i think that's probably true google are working on it though um google womb uh catherine continues i've had to pull back because of the whole pregnancy thing fair enough pull back of the weight loss Yeah, I mean, if he'd pulled back Then she wouldn't be in this pickle Eh?

But thus, I've lost some of my toning Okay But I have maintained my weight Under my doctor's guidance Congratulations, Catherine Well, yeah, but I think we can see where this is going She's not going to be able to maintain that weight loss While she's pregnant, is she?

So she says Recently, a co-worker asked me how my diet program was going and commented that setbacks are normal what a bitch what what is their man bitch or maybe it's just your boobs have become hormonally massive and they were ogling them and then they thought well i better try and cover this up by looking like i'm concerned about katherine's health she says this gave me an idea that to disguise it i I should go with the idea that I'm just getting fat again since the doctor has said

I need to gain between 20 and 25 pounds during my second and third trimester. Okay. I've already left empty cookie boxes and weight loss

company brochures in my cube in plain sight. Good for you, Catherine, you crafty devil. But that only does so much with the bump just continuing to grow.

Yeah. So, Helen Helen answer me this What else can I do to help hide or disguise my pregnancy? I know I can't hide it forever No because in about six months a baby's going to fall out of your body But the longer I can the better The boring projects also come with boring clients They're the ones who love to talk about baby stuff though

Yeah that's true And also it's only a few months of your life It might be less stressful doing a boring project when you're knocked up well presumably that's what the company's thinking isn't it that's the reason that they give boring projects pregnant women is they want them to be in a less stressful environment and actually you want a bridge don't you from the exciting work life that you enjoy into i'm not saying having a baby is mundane i'm sure it's very exciting in a different way but into a world where you are not stimulated by those kinds of questions anymore no you're a toilet monitor exactly isn't it good to have a little bridge so that doesn't come so

much of a shock well i suppose in principle though it is quite a sexist thing to do to the breeders because you wouldn't do it to the father but the father actually doesn't have the physical demand which means that they need to sit down more i mean that is an issue no but he might still be tired once the babies come to interrupt his yes yeah yeah but not in the pre-hatching stage babies don't hatch out of eggs i think interestingly though people are weirdly gullible about pregnancy because i remember back in the days when i had an office job i was a receptionist at a company of jazz and a pianist came in who was clearly pregnant and luckily i was too busy to say to her oh when are you due blah blah blah but she was obviously like seven months pregnant and then a couple of

weeks later someone's like oh nikki's had a real shock she just found out that she's pregnant i was like yeah she was obviously pregnant like what does she think and they said she just thought she was getting really fat i was like but it's different you're getting fat in a big round belly yeah i'm not having a period for seven months yeah with something kicking you from within when your hormones are going berserk but if she could believe it and therefore other people believe that she was just getting fat you could just run with this and actually if you were fat in the past i mean i've i've had this experience many times no one wants to ask a fat woman if they're pregnant it's too embarrassing so even though you've been thin if you're putting weight back on yeah they'll be delicate about it yeah most this particular co-worker who's approached you about

your increasing weight is being indelicate most won't be i'm sure that beyond about six months it's nigh impossible to even pretend that you're being obese because you've got a big pregnant belly but i think also it's more difficult in somewhere that is warm like california than it would be in britain because in britain you could wear pretty much up to the ninth month a woolly poncho a load of cardigans a sweatshirt all all these very form disguising things a big scarf a lot of people recommend on pregnancy forums but there are some clothes as well that automatically make everybody look like they're big and chunky most sweatshirts my entire wardrobe yeah baseball shirts you know americans wear some very unflattering clothes for baseball okay so you're saying basically develop bad taste, go to a thrift store, as they call them.

Well, you can wear empire waists, because everyone looks pregnant in Jane Austen adaptations. And yet whenever you see something like What Not To Wear, they're always like, empire waists are so flattering. They are not. I don't know if you've heard, but the former Prime Minister Tony Blair has written a book. It's about Gordon's temper, being pals with George Bush, and the untimely death of Robin Cook. I'll go to AnswerMeThisPodcast.com slash Audible and download it for free. And listen to him reading it while I lie in bed pretending to be Cherie Yuck Here's a question from Jay from Kennington

This is what they're worried about in Kennington, Helen He says, answer me this Who first successfully commercialised using paper to wipe one's arse? Great And what were the options prior to this? Well, the options were... Hand. Hand.

Water, I guess. Yeah, the Romans used to use sponges on sticks, but some of the options were extremely exfoliating, including, in Hawaii, coconut shells. Ooh. And in quite a lot of places, muscle shells. And you think, if there was a lot of cake-age then I can understand

why you'd use that as a spade but not for the final polish and also you know what they say don't eat a muscle if you can't open it don't eat a muscle if someone's used it like that

definitely a good tip there corn cobs in the USA that's quite sensible I can tell they're working actually but what you wouldn't want is people reusing it

you need a different corn cob for each time it's very wasteful. I think a lot of these would have been thrown away. Apparently wealthy French people used to use lace. I mean, that's not practical either. That's full of holes. That's ridiculous.

But that's just showing off, isn't it? But people used paper. They used little squares of newspaper and stuff. I was going to say, as soon as paper was invented, even if it wasn't packaged in a way that suggested that it was a commercial product or a brand, it's an obvious thing to use, isn't it? Yeah, well, apparently the first recorded usage

of toilet paper specifically made to be toilet paper rather than just paper you'd finished using and then wipe your bum with was in China in the 6th century AD. And in fact, they got through a lot of it during the Ming Dynasty in 1393. Oh, everyone always had the terrible blouts during that dynasty. An annual supply of 720,000 sheets of toilet paper was produced

just for the use of the imperial court. And the sheets were two by three feet. Good Lord. That's massive. It's like the Bayeux Tapestry. You'd have to have a really enormous toilet roll holder, wouldn't you? Intriguing. Yeah.

But then actually the commercialisation, which is what he's asking about, that was 1857 in America by a man called Joseph Gaiety. But it was not popular. He was selling it as a kind of medical aid to help prevent haemorrhoids. And then apparently the Americans didn't like that and they also did not like having to talk so publicly

about their bodily functions as to buy it in a shop. So he does ask this Jay from Kennington who first successfully commercialised toilet paper. Well, I suppose it'd be the Scott brothers who built on Gaiety's idea and invented the toilet roll. But even then, it took them quite a long time as well to get past people's blushes about toilet business. Yeah, isn't that interesting?

Because it's a bit like, I mean, in our lifetime, we've seen sex aids go from something that you could only buy... Brown paper bag. Yeah, brown paper bag in pharmacies to something that is sort of proudly displayed, well, not proudly, but just there on the shelf in a supermarket. People talk about it all the time. Do they have sex aids in supermarkets

or are you just looking at the courgettes in a very inappropriate way? Well, I reckon you could probably get a cock ring in Tesco Extra. I think toilet paper is one of the greatest aspects of civilised society because when I think about a post-apocalyptic scenario in the future when all the ores run out and the sea levels are rising, the thing I worry about most is toilet paper. Actually, people rarely say this. They rarely say this on Desert Island Discs, but actually.

When you're talking about luxury, I know you've got a copy of the Bible and Shakespeare, so I'll give you a bit of paper to get through. But even so... I'd use the apocrypha. There's been this scrunch or fold campaign going on at the moment. Everyone's talking about scrunching or folding No not everyone Well not everyone is The suggestion of the advertisement is that everyone is talking about it

As far as it goes I never knew that folding was even an option I was outraged when I first saw this advertising campaign Because I've switched it off subsequent times My outrage has not lessened Because I just thought They are really misusing interactivity I mean look how well we've used it listeners But them like who is interested That is a boring survey really misusing interactivity. I mean, look how well we've used it, listeners.

But them, like, who is interested? That is a boring survey. It's deliberately inane, though, isn't it? It's like they all sat around an ad meeting, they were proud they came up with something so inane. Don't propel people to indulge their most uninteresting thoughts. Well, let's think about what could potentially be less interesting,

staggeringly less interesting than scrunching or folding toilet paper that an advertising campaign of the future could ask? Scratching's not very interesting. Yeah, but it's got to be scratching or picking. You've got to give an option so that people can go to Facebook and decide which way round they do it. Do you prefer sneezing or coughing?

It's quite boring. I mean, it's just making me sad to try and think of worse things to interact about. Shame on you, Andrex. Aim higher. Get the dog back, even. Shame on you, Andrex. Aim higher. Get the dog back, even. It's Joe from Winchester. I'm just walking back after a night shift and I put my rubbish in someone else's bin.

Hello, Nolly. Answer me this. Is that considered rude? Because I just got the worst glare ever off of someone whose bin I just put my rubbish in. That's so British, isn't it? Just a glare. Yeah. Thinking, well, it'd be vulgar to shout out, Oi, don just put my rubbish in. That's so British, isn't it? Just a glare. Yeah.

Thinking, well, it'd be vulgar to shout out, Oi, don't put your rubbish in my bin! And they go, this is really going to hurt him though, this glare. And it has. It's caused him to call up in distress. I was going to say it depends what item of rubbish you were throwing away. Their body. Yeah.

But actually, Helen, you're right. The British thing to do would be to glare in disapproval, even if it was a bag of nuclear waste. I hate this in myself, but every time I go down to the communal bins at the base of my block of flats, I hate my neighbours with red-hot passion for putting non-recyclables in the recycling bins

and leaving stuff on the bin lids rather than in the bins. You can't even open the bins. Now, is that more irritating than putting recyclables into the non-recyclable bin, or are they equally irritating as each other? Well, that one is slightly less bad because it's easy for me to extract those and put them in the recycling bin.

And do you do that? Yes, I often... Unless they're covered in cat litter. The thing is, yeah, there could be... Exactly, there could be a reason that they're in the main bin. Yeah, I do have qualms, but I think, no, my qualms are less important than the environment.

Good God. I know, I'm very devout. Slight bit more to Al Gore. There seems to be quite a lot of debate on the most boring forums I've ever been on on the internet, are less important than the environment. Good God. I know, I'm very devout. Slight bit more to Elgore. There seems to be quite a lot of debate on the most boring forums I've ever been on on the internet as to whether actually doing what Jay has done is against the law.

No, I wouldn't think that it is against the law because although technically the bin is private property, it's also council property, isn't it? Because they can pick it up. Well, some say that it's illegal because it's theft of services. I don't think it would ever get through a court because I think if you were doing it on a serial basis, yes basis yes you know if you took all of your rubbish in a big

bin bag and dumped it in your neighbor's bin every day but if you walk past and throw a big mac wrapper into it rather than throw it onto the street really is i mean how would you even in court begin to delineate what you've done wrong there it wouldn't be worth your while bringing the court case because it's expensive to do that i think it's different if you're disposing of commercial rubbish. Like in Girls, this series, strong plot point, the disposal of commercial rubbish in Patrick Wilson's bins. So you're avoiding a charge that you should be paying as a company. Yeah, exactly. And yet here's something my dad does.

He owns his own business. So he has his own commercial bin. He sometimes brings waste from our home and puts it in his business bin i think that's excusable he's fly tipping upon his own yeah but i think it's only excuse because he owns the business like if his employees started doing that they would be thrown into the bin themselves he takes a lot of pride in it actually like whenever we have anything that causes a lot of rubbish like christmas day you know when there's that bag full of like open wrapping paper and like turkey legs unwanted presents yeah he really draws attention to it

and he's you know makes a big fuss like you'll hold the bin and go don't worry about disposing of this i shall take it to my company bin oh like it's you know a really extraordinary thing he can offer the family as a service you know what would be amazing if you brought the company bin home and wrapped it up like a present with a massive bow around it and then you all got to tuck the stuff in. Just a massive skip. Yeah, like an inverse present that you don't take out the wrapping you put in. Maybe.

I think if we all saw a giant skip on our front drive, we'd assume that he was about to shoot us all in the head and dispose of us in it. Well, here's something very different to rubbish. It's a question from Adam from Yorkshire who says, Ollie, answer me this. What would you do if you had Google Glass?

Go on every chat show immediately because you'd have an exclusive well i mean you do get some of the gadgets quite early but uh yeah but not that no that is the that's way early let's just back up a second so google glass is an augmented reality head-mounted display unit of course the idea is it layers on top of real life a layer of internet stuff no i understand the principle of augmented reality. Well, I'm explaining for the listeners, Martin. Just play dumb for fuck's sake. What's augmented reality, Ollie?

Is that like virtual reality but 2.0? So the idea is that you could be sort of shopping in a store and as you're looking at a product, it can bring up links where you can get it cheaper or tell you more about it. It's like being Robocop or something. Does the idea of being a cyborg appeal to you, Helen? Well, the thing is, Ollie, I'm quite a late adopter of technology i want to know whether it's worth my while to get my brain replaced with a magic mirror of data or my arms replaced by guns

yeah so you'd wait for the 10th iteration by the time they've ironed out all the flaws yeah i don't think i have an excessive interest in becoming a cyborg but ask me when all my organs are failed and i'll probably be more positive. But I genuinely do believe that this whole Google Glass project is merely a diversionary tactic from all the evil shit Google are doing. There was a brilliant picture of one of the Google execs, I think maybe Sergey Brin, on the red carpet at the Vanity Fair's post-Oscar party, just lurking at the back, so they have a kind of leafy backdrop. He was sort of hiding in the leaves, wearing Google Glass.

So I don't know whether he was just looking at Jessica Chastain going, with my Google Glass, I can see through her dress. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum.

Bum, bum, bum, bum. Helen, Ollie, answer me this. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Don't ridicule me And don't take the piss Give me a clue To what I'm asking Then in your awesome knowledge

I'll be basking But in summer I'm so alone No one to email And no one to phone Where can I get new friends from answer me this podcast.com right well here's a question from Valerie

from London Ontario who says we have the world figure skating championships being hosted in my hometown London Ontario in Canada, this March. So Helen, answer me this. How popular is figure skating in England? How am I supposed to answer that? Because it's not like there's an official census about these things. It's an emotional question. So all I can do is answer for myself and say that figure skating is only moderately popular in my sample group of one i.e me i'm not sure what the

difference is between like dancing on ice type ice dancing and figure skating okay well figure skating is done by people who've been training since childhood to be good at skating and dancing on ice is done by people that used to be in itv soap operas you understand yeah the thing about figure skating is it looks good when you just have one person in isolation or obviously three or four people doing it in tandem but if someone's actually in an ice rink that i was in i would feel uh very hemmed in by that person in the middle being it's quite intimidating isn't it they are showing off and yeah it does happen doesn't it i mean probably not world-class figure skaters but we've all been skating where there's some i don't want to be rude bellend thank you there's some bellend in the

middle of the ice rink just showing off just showing off and it also we were 15, it would be someone who would then like grab a girl, you know, as if they were David Copperfield flying through the auditorium, grab a girl from the outside and take her with him into the middle. Wow, like an ice version of Dirty Dancing. Yeah. And I just used to feel really intimidated because to be honest, the only reason I went to the ice rink was to get a slush puppy afterwards. It was one of the only places in Stevenage you could get a slush puppy in the 90s what they just scrape it off the floor and put some flavoring in it well the problem was obviously ice rinks are very very cold i then got

a slush puppy and then i'd get one of those ice cream headaches because the combination of all the ice everywhere never even enjoyed the slush puppy i was in pain that was about as close as you got to self-harm i i would guess though uh in answer to your question valerie that ice skating generally is more popular in canada because there's a lot more ice there britain has a maritime climate that does not tend to the extreme cold that you need for the proliferation of ice yeah and also you love ice hockey there and maybe that translates into also loving other ice-based activities well she also has a second question, this Valerie. She says, Helen, answer me this.

Are you aware that there exists such a city in Canada? I am. And not just because you've written in from London, Ontario, Valerie. I was aware of it because whenever I used to type London into weather.com to find out our weather forecast, it'd go, do you mean London, Ontario? That's right. Of course I don't. I mean the proper London. That's it, yes. I'm not dismiss london ontario which sounds like a large town

with over 300 000 inhabitants london uk is way bigger and i'd imagine the london that springs to more minds than london ontario no offense well no but not not minds in the americas helen because i had this i went to watch the tonight show being recorded in los angeles i had my photo taken with jay leno and then afterwards the guy who takes the picture takes your address so that he can send it to watch the Tonight Show being recorded in Los Angeles. I had my photo taken with Jay Leno. And then afterwards, the guy who takes the picture takes your address so that he can send it to you. And I gave him my full address and postcode, or zip code, as they call it over there. And it got diverted via London, Ontario.

That's just silly, isn't it? Even though I put London, UK, they thought it was more likely that I must have meant Canada. So it landed eventually in my postbox, having travelled via Canada. Maybe it went via the ten or so Londons that are also in the USA. Most of these places, you know which one you're talking about, don't you?

You talk about Boston. You're not talking about Boston Lincolnshire, you're talking about Boston. Well, if you're in Stanford. Depends what you're saying, doesn't it? I'm going to go to Boston and see their famous Red Sox sporting team, for example. Are they only ambiguous? There's Vancouver that is in Washington State.

And even though it's at the far end of Washington State to the Canadian border, it's still not that far from Vancouver in Canada. Well, actually, when Americans say, I'm from Washington, do they normally mean they're from Washington State or that they're from DC? I think they usually say DC when they mean DC.

Right, yeah. It's the kind of thing Americans do. It's a two-parter. Because it's that thing, isn't it? Because Americans are used to saying town and then state to avoid that confusion that they start doing it when they're here as well they're like oh yeah i'm here for three weeks we're gonna go to paris france we're gonna go to prague i know where prague is yeah it's in devon actually there is a town called toronto it's a small town somewhere in britain and i'd imagine if you're

from there you just why couldn't they've just named it something else? I'm sick of explaining this. I'm not from the Toronto, I'm from the small Toronto that no one knows about. They need to put a little prefix in front of it. Like New York? Yeah, so you have like

shit Toronto. Tiny Toronto. Tiny, that's better. Yeah, okay. Newport, that's the one that's a real pain in the ass to be from because it seems like

every English-speaking country has a million towns called Newport in it. There's a lot of Newport beaches even in the States. Silly. Well again, if you think about what a port is used for especially newport a beach is going to be relevant to that isn't it yeah but then there's newport in shropshire that's not

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