Answer Me This! - AMT250; Pizza Delivery, Fluffy Dice and the Pope's Sauna

Episode Date: March 28, 2013

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Terms and conditions apply. Visit bmo.com slash theiporter to learn more. If Jesus were to rise yet again, would he play Vegas? That's to be this, that's to be this. Why do all gay comedians get called outrageous? That's to be this, that's to be this, Helen and Ollie, answer me this. Hello listeners, welcome to the new series of Answer Me This and welcome to landmark episode 250. That's right, and welcome to our live studio audience.

Yay! Yeah, we're really marking this in the biggest way we can think of. That's right, we've got in front of us a live studio that's consisting of a bag of cheetos crunch that helen brought back from america and some biscuits and weirdly some salt and pepper left on the table from when we had dinner earlier yes so it's a really special occasion for all of us and we're really grateful that you could be here with us in the room at artemy this tower we were going to have a special guest episode or guestipode uh for this uh numerical landmark but um she couldn't come however However... She's coming soon. Yeah, soon. But South by Southwest, you were there.

Yeah, I was at South by. Yeah. Why do they abbreviate it to that? That's just awful. It is awful. I mean, by the time you're halfway through, you might as well finish, right? You were invited to talk about podcasting.

Yeah, but screw that, because I got some free giant post-it notes. Yeah, you did, and you gave me a packet, and they're pretty awesome. They are pretty good. Yes, I was doing a panel about podcasting. And what did we learn?

We learned that the Americans make a good deal more money off it than we do. Yeah, we're going to try and work on that one, listeners. Yeah, because the Americans don't seem as afraid as we are of going,

give us money every month, then we can make a living. But if we were hypothetically interested in doing that, I suppose we could refer people to the fact there always has been a PayPal button on our website. Yes.

Feel free to check it out, listeners's shiny uh but also you recorded a podcast whilst you're out there as well all these things you did whilst i was sitting at home wanking from texas i took the train to los angeles all americans when they heard i was taking the train were like what you know they have planes yeah they probably assumed you were a prisoner being transported in some way. I thought, oh, it sounds like an adventure. And it kind of was, a sitting still looking out of a window adventure

for a day and a half. And then when I got to Los Angeles, I was going to record a podcast with Jesse Thorne of Maximum Fun Podcast. Oh, you might just have to pick that name up off the floor, Helen. I thought, I'm here early. I'm going to walk it.

Do you know what? If you walk through downtown Los Angeles at seven in the morning, everybody thinks you're a tramp. Anyway, and recorded jordan jesse go yes i did you're a guest on an episode of jordan jesse go get me get me uh yeah episode 267 if you want to give that a go okay well i will because i haven't at the time of recording this i have not yet listened to it comment on its quality open your mind to new experiences and uh what did you get up to oh nothing much i just bought a house oh what yeah except i don't want to jinx it

i really don't want to jinx it because we at the moment we have an exchange contract so anything we just we've had an offer accepted on a house in hartfordshire i'm gonna move to a house yeah a proper house proper house are you gonna keep your own cows and chickens actually the girlfriend has been speculating as to whether we might keep chickens. I've pointed out that it is, although, you know, we are moving for the rural idyll, the garden doesn't really fit chickens, but you know. Chickens are small. Well, there's three bedrooms.

I mean, what are we going to do with the second one? Imagine how many battery hens you could fit in those bedrooms. Now think of how many chickens you could fit just roaming around a little piece of your garden. Time for a question from someone who's chosen to remain anonymous. Well, it's probably something very rude, isn't it? Yeah, well, that's the thing. I normally complete that by saying and we're about to find out why but we're really not about to find out why we don't know why you've chosen to be anonymous

maybe their real name is anonymous but anyway anonymous from from newcastle maybe it's anonymous you know they've taken a break from hacking to ask us a question because a fairly mundane question about a convenience food. It's possible. Anon from Newcastle says, My neighbours order takeaway pizza five or six days a week. I think it's awfully excessive, says Anonymous,

by any stretch of the imagination slash waistline. Even people living in the pizza-rich regions of Italy probably wouldn't have it five or six times a week. Do they even have takeaway pizza in Italy? Like, delivered pizza like that? I bet they don't. Because they probably just know someone who can make pizza at home

or they go around the corner and pick it up themselves, don't they? The thing is, a lot of Italians drive mopeds, so if they just happen to have a pizza on the moped, they all become de facto pizza deliverers. Eh? Don't write to me, Italians. I'm making a joke. But recently, says Anonymous,

their behaviour, the neighbours' behaviour, remember. I'm making a joke. But recently, says Anonymous, their behaviour, the neighbours' behaviour, remember them, has taken a turn. For the stuffed crust. They have. They have been receiving orders as early as two o'clock in the afternoon. Or as late as two o'clock in the afternoon

if that's their breakfast. Well, exactly. What if they're on shift work? Have some consideration, Anon. Or it's their lunch, their late lunch. I think, says Anon, this is a step too far in their slovenliness. But other people I know disagree. Other people you know think these people are living the life.

Perhaps they work for Perfect Pizza. Maybe they're like restaurant inspectors, but for takeaway pizzas. Now, we're saying different things there. I'm saying perhaps the people that don't judge them Work for Perfect Pizza and are profiteering You're saying perhaps they actually have a professional interest The couple that are eating all the pizza Yes, maybe whichever organisation checks That the pizzas arrive within 45 minutes

They're still hot, the cheese is still on top, not down the side Yes, because if you're mystery shopping pizza There's no way of doing it without getting it delivered Otherwise the game would be blown, wouldn't it? Although, how many pizza deliverers are there in Newcastle? Would they not automatically get a bit suspicious That every day they're delivering the same address well but maybe that's the only way to ensure quality because you build up the illusion that you're someone who's addicted to pizza yeah and then you are actually assessing the pizza on a day-by-day

basis maybe they've got a takeaway pizza blog anyway anonymous if you're genuinely worried about their slovenliness maybe you should call on them and see whether this pizza is just an indicator of some greater problem in their life. Maybe they've got health problems that mean they can't leave the flat, and this is the only way they can get food. You could offer to go out and do some shopping for them, get them some nutrients. Don't be ridiculous, Ellen. That would be being a good neighbour rather than writing to a podcast and bitching about them. Yeah, screw the fat bastards.

So, Helen, answer me this. Is it acceptable behaviour to be ordering takeaway pizza during the middle of the afternoon? Or should there be an early evening cut-off point, say 6 or 7pm? Well, I suppose that is in the hands of the pizza-delivering organisation.

And if they have decreed that late lunch, for I believe that 2pm is a perfectly acceptable lunchtime, if they think they can deliver a pizza at 2pm and still make money, then that's fine. Even if it's 4pm. It's more than fine, isn't it?

It's better for the pizza delivery industry. Why? Because you're spreading the load. It's not just between 7 and 9pm. Yeah, and it means that actually if you work for one of those pizza companies, you don't just have to work a night shift. Perhaps you've just had maternity or paternity leave, you want to take it a bit easy.

You want to be home in time for the kids to get out of school though yeah so the lunch shift could be quite important take some of the strain off from later in the day as well making everything so that everything can be consistent and what's the problem with it being early it means that you're not disturbed in the evening when you're watching television by the ring of next door's doorbell yeah it's a fairly minor thing to be judgmental of your neighbors about like our neighbors that make a loud sex noise the thing that i really judge them upon is uh the fact that they get an awful lot of shopping from the littlewoods catalog like maybe four parcels a week and i just think what is there to buy from that and what kind of weird compulsive habit have

they got into two things go together helen maybe the sex time and the littlewoods catalog combine in ways that you simply have never investigated. You know what? I get off on multi-packs of pastel-coloured Airtex shirts. Well, no, maybe they sell amusements that can be used in that fashion. Oh, you mean like vibrating cochlear rings? Well, yeah, but except they'd be sold as, you know,

novelty cufflinks through the Littlewoods catalogue. It is a long time since I lived through the Littlewoods catalogue. I suppose as well. The thing is, it's better for you, isn't it? If you're going to have a very calorific meal, better that that's at lunchtime than in the evening. So actually, you should be applauding the fact that if they have got a seven-a-week pizza habit, at least they have moved it forward to lunch.

Because a lot of people say no carbs after 2pm. So maybe they're just trying to get it in under the carb finishing line. Although, where I would always prefer the evening pizza is when you're having it left over for the next day and it's been in the fridge and you're having it cold.

That to me is lunch or if you're being very naughty breakfast. But it's not dinner. Don't want a cold dinner. So whereas if you're having it hot at lunch, you don't really want it cold in the evening. Is there a foodstuff which you would happily get delivered five plus times a week because i would get dim sum or chinese aubergine

hot pot delivered to me every day if i could money no object i would subscribe to some sort of olive club i could have a different barrel of olives every day i bet that exists yeah it probably does but it would probably be a poncy one that tries to sell you olive oil. No, I know what to get you for your birthday, though. If necessary, I'll set up a daily olive delivery service for you, because I'm sure I'd make my money back over the years. Don't go to Tesco and get the crap olives and special delivery them to me, though, because that is not good enough. It's the trouble with you moving out of London, Ollie.

Are provincial olives going to live up to your London olive standards? Provincial or Provencal? Good point. Hi, Helen and Ali. It's Gemma from Leeds. I've just got a new car, and somebody has bought me some fluffy dice to put into it, and I've always found it like a bit of a strange thing.

So why fluffy dice? What's the point? The point is, Gemma, it's a nod to the heritage of World War II fighter pilots. No it's not. Yeah it is apparently. I thought it might be a luck thing. Yes. So is it that World War II fighter pilots had dice in their cockpits to not crash? Not fluffy ones

just actual ones. So apparently they had a pair of dice on the dashboard and that was either as a good luck charm or they would throw it to calculate their odds of coming back alive. Just as a superstition thing, not that there's actually a calculation you can do. Because I would take some with me every time I took a commercial flight. So anyway, after the war, then it became a thing in cars

because a lot of the former pilots then became hot rods. And so they would hang dice in their car windows to show that they were ready for a little bit of illegal street racing. But because the dice were plastic, they used to melt in the heat, so they got replaced by fluff. And then it just sort of became so popular

that then it turned kitsch, like so many popular things from the 40s and 50s. Do you remember in Neighbours, when Billy Kennedy qualified to drive? No. American listeners will know him as one of the characters

in House but I don't watch House so I can't tell you which character he plays. The blonde one. The blonde one. That's not a lady. Anyway,

he was in a soap opera called Neighbours when he was a child. Oh yes. He's secretly Australian Americans, you might not know. He played Billy

and Billy's parents, Susan and Carl, got him a car for his birthday because he'd qualified to drive. Yeah, he was a bit, wasn't he? He probably had car for his birthday because he'd qualified to drive. Yeah, he was a bit, wasn't he? He probably had an accident.

It was probably a morality fable. As soon as anyone passed their driving test, you would know they would have an accident. Just as the first time they had sex, they would get pregnant. Yeah, yeah. Or they'd be involved in some sort of storyline involving the car.

They wouldn't just give him a car for no reason. No. He'd have the car because he'd have to rush someone to hospital or kill someone. Neighbours is very much an example of the adage everything happens for a reason yes yeah it's quite reassuring in that way isn't it why am i so happy so that everything can get taken away from me anyway billy kennedy qualified to drive and carl and susan bought him a car for his 17th birthday and the whole episode was about he was expecting to get given the keys to a car yeah and

the way they did it is his present was in the shape of six inch by six inch box yes and he was disappointed because he's like that's not car keys and it was the fluffy dice it's a big fluffy dice and then he knew you see that you've got the car out the back i remember that episode oh and i thought that would be nice that'd be nice if my dad did that save that for your own time and then when my dad actually bought me a car when i was 17 he bought you a car well he's a car dealer he bought me a second-hand mini metro uh hey my dad didn't give me a sculpture for my was 17. He bought you a car? Well, he's a car dealer. He bought me a secondhand Mini Metro. Hey, my dad didn't give me a sculpture for my 17th birthday. A secondhand one.

Well, you couldn't really drive that. Well, I could probably drive it about as well as I could drive a car. I kind of wanted him to do the Fluffy Dice trick completely unreasonably. Like, he'd never even seen that episode. But instead, he just obviously did what anyone else would do, drive the car outside. And he was like, here you are, son. It's yours.

And I was like, that's really cool. But it's not as cool as the fluffy dice thing that Carl and Susan did. Do you think you could play it coy, please, Dad? I want the tension where I think I've got a different present. And actually, it turns out to still be a car and also fluffy dice. I only want the car for the fluffy dice. So useless, Dad. I hate you.

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podcast at googlemail.com So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors.

Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. An audio cue there that it is time for a question of Catholicism, because obviously it's been quite a busy week in Vatican City. Oh, really? What have they been up to? Is it the country fair? Have they been getting their Etsy stores ready? No, they've been, of course, celebrating Helen,

the new Pope. You know all those Pope lollipops they've got with the Pope's face? Presumably they just had to get rid of all the old stock and get a bunch of new ones quickly. Well, no, because the old Pope

is still the Pope, isn't he? He's the Pope Emeritus or whatever. Yeah, but there's not going to be the trade in old Pope lollies, is there? They're going to have to sell them at a half price, isn't it? It's like the jls calendars in hmv maybe one of the cardinals

has been paid to lick off the old pope's face and then stick on the new one well anyway uh jay in kennington has observed that changes are afoot uh in the catholic world well done jay pope wise uh and he says uh i know there are only a couple of hundred people living in Vatican City, and the Catholic Church is renowned for being a boys' club. In so many ways. So, Helen, answer me this. What proportion of Vatican City residents are women? Well, according to statistics released in 2011, there are 540 men and only 32 women.

That sounds about right. Do you want to work out the proportion, Martin? About 5%, isn't it? 95% men. I think pretty much all of those women are in service positions, so they cook and clean and sew for the cardinals and the pope. I know that the Catholic Church is not the most up-to-date of institutions. Really? But it really does hammer it home, I think, when you've been

watching the election process on the telly to see that there is not a single woman cardinal it just kind of looks wrong to me if they're not that keen on women priests ollie i very much doubt they're going to go straight for a cardinal one i know but it's mad isn't it of course it's mad don't even try to unpick it ollie because the whole thing is like the most ridiculous fairy story ever written uh but there are some amazing outfits. Did you see the guys who were standing by the door whilst the old Pope left? They were kicked out the back. They're basically jester outfits in orange, blue and red.

Yeah. Essentially look like they should be in Twelfth Night. They must shut the door and piss themselves laughing that they just did a sombre event wearing that. And they're probably 500 years old, those outfits. They're probably from the time that twelfth night was written there's no point updating it they're like well we still got some good wear out of this well and that's the thing they do do very well isn't it is the theater of it all you know the

white smoke and all that papal clothes question yeah what do they wear under all those frocks what kind of pants because i don't believe that these people go commando. What have they got under there? Bloomers? Jockey briefs? All in one? Well, it's a hot country. But they're being fanned by people genuflecting. That must create a breeze.

Did you see the story about the Vatican buying the gay sauna? No. The Vatican apparently accidentally invested Yeah, yeah. 23 million euros in a building in Rome which has a gay sauna in it. I don't think you can invest that amount of money accidentally. And I think if there's a gay sauna, you might notice it as you were doing your viewing. If only you were buying your house, Ollie, would you or would you not have noted the presence of a sauna, gay or not?

The hilarious thing is they bought the building to house 15 priests in. Well, it already has done that, I'm sure. Well, we have another question of popes on the phone line. Hi, it's Gabby from Winnash. Helen and Ollie, answer me this. There's just been a new pope elected, Francis I, and me and my children, Charlie and Dylan, are wondering how they choose uh the

pope's name every prospective pope when they're a cardinal and they're going to elect the next pope whether they admit it or not i think secretly uh knows themselves what their name is going to be if they get elected because it's embarrassing to not have one up your sleeve isn't it it's not like the job comes up very much so you really ought to be prepared because most of them are probably thinking about greasing the stairs of the vatican so they get a shot at the job comes up very much. So you really ought to be prepared. Because most of them are probably thinking about greasing the stairs of the Vatican so they get a shot at the job. Some of them obviously don't want that job. They're very grateful to be going home afterwards.

Yeah, it's like it's probably better not to be Prime Minister but to have one of the lowlier positions so you can fuck about a bit more. Choose your words carefully, Helen. So you can mess around a bit more. So you can have a little fun. Perfectly good, good clean legal fun that's right yeah responsible and decent fun in the name of God

yes yes the thing is you know these particular group of cardinals obviously they believe that it is God speaking through them electing the Pope and I think we have to take them at the word that they all do genuinely believe that so if they believe that

and they've become cardinals because God has spoken to them and told them to become you know priests and then been elected cardinals. God told us to become podcasters. Yeah. If that's the case, then it sort of makes sense, doesn't it, that none of them are going to take the risk of not having the name up their sleeve because they're going to think, if God calls me to be Pope, I better be ready for this. Yeah. So I think they've all got the name.

And yeah, Francis chose Francis after Francis of Assisi. Oh, cool. calls me to be pope i better be ready for this yeah so i think they've all got the name and uh and yeah francis chose uh francis after francis of a cc oh cool uh who i always thought was the bloke from status quo but apparently apparently not he's the one that likes the birds um and apparently as well because he's a jesuit he's the first jesuit pope and there's a famous jesuit francis uh xavier which i always think is a good use of an X. Yeah. Who, you know... Well, it means saviour. ...did missionary things. So it's very Pope-ish.

But that's a tradition that's been going since 1555. What, having a fun name as a Pope? Before that, some of them had taken an adopted name and some of them kept their real name. But since 1555, they've all had an adopted name when they became Pope. Now, why is that? Because I'm imagining most cardinals

don't have a name that is totally unsuitable for being the Pope. It's not like they're going to have names that would have been in chat magazines. You called them what, feature? It's not like there's going to be Pope Jason with a Y and two N's and an E. I like reading, but not while I'm driving, apparently that's illegal. I want to listen to Richard Dawkins reading Darwin's Voyage of the Beagle. Me too. Well, now we can do that and I'll keep my license by signing up for a free audiobook. Let's go to answermethispodcast.com slash audible and have a look now.

You have until April the 1st to take up this trial. Midnight on April the 1st, I believe. So hurry and do it, please. Because not only do we get money per person that does it, you also get a free audiobook. That's right. And what's better than free stuff? Nothing. Literally nothing.

Some of you have in fact been gorging yourself on so much free audio uh you've apparently lost your sense of humor because we've had this in from steffi in bristol uh who says i have recently downloaded les miserables all 57 hours of it this is your fault helen for saying that no one would well i cast aspersions on whether 57 hours of it would be more interesting than the abridged version of 12 hours or whatever it was. Having read the book, says Steffi, I can confirm

that it is about more than just barricades. There's also a lot of haulage amongst the prisoners, I understand. I would recommend it as the musical, by necessity of time,

leaves out many nuances of characters and details of plot. Yeah, but, you know... No shit. That was I thinking that the musical version is always the definitive version

of any story. Who needs the balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet when you've got Tonight in West Side Story? Well, you raise a good question. I don't, Helen. Who does?

I raise a comic question. The Little Shop musical is much better than the non-musical film. Yeah, no, that is true. Yeah, and Return to the Forbidden Planet. If you watched the film of that as a child, expecting it to be like the musical, then you are crushed.

But to be honest, although I did enjoy the film, Steffi, it didn't make me inspired to know more of the nuances. Well, I suppose her point is that is the filmmaker's fault, isn't it, perhaps, and not Victor Hugo's, who, of course, had nothing to do with the film. Yeah, no. Anyway, she continues, Helen, answer me this. Why are you so quick to dismiss one of the finest works of literature ever produced? Maybe because we were joking and this is a comedy show?

Hello, Steffi. All in good fun, Steffi. All in good fun. Also, is there anything, anything, lasting 57 hours that you would consider listening to? Oh, God. You can, on Audible, get the King James version of would consider listening to. Oh God. You can on Audible get the King James version of the Bible that's 65 hours long. I don't think I could ever listen to an audiobook of the Bible. It would just remind me

of that episode of The Simpsons where Homer has eaten Japanese blowfish and thinks he's going to die so listens to cassettes of the Bible. But you know in Desert Island Discs they always say you have the free copy of Complete Works of Shakespeare in the Bible. I'd say can I have that on audiobook? Yeah yeah but that would count as one of your discs oh no no it wouldn't i'd just be saying look it's the 21st century if i'm going to be worried on an island it's only reasonable

that i have an audible subscription it took us like a year and a half not even to get quite to the end of easy riders raging bulls which is about 24 hours so this time i downloaded a bunch of books that were a bit shorter like jane lynch's memoir it's about seven hours. So this time I downloaded a bunch of books that were a bit shorter, like Jane Lynch's memoir. It's about seven hours. I thought seven hours in the company of Jane Lynch. What could be more delightful? I haven't listened to it yet.

So I can't tell you what could be more delightful. In South by Southwest, I met our fellow podcaster, Roman Mars, who makes 99% Invisible. That is a great show. And a great name, Roman Mars. How fun is that to say? It makes things like a fake showbiz name,

but it's his real birth name. Yeah, I assume. you might have made it up for podcasting showbiz purposes but he had just finished listening to a 70 hour book about architecture so you don't even get the benefit of the diagrams and the pictures was it a course teaching you how to be an architect which i imagine is roughly 70 hours step one draw a building step it. Step three, make sure it doesn't fall down. That's the important step. Yeah, that is the important step. Well, here is a question about a different sort of internet transaction. Nothing dodgy, though.

It's from Ellie, who says, The other day, I decided to try to sell my smile on eBay to cheer the nation and donate the money to charity. But, says Ellie, as yet, there have been no bids what a surprise when you've got such a valuable thing to offer the world i thought this was a cute idea and a fun way to raise money no that's how john bishop's only joking got commissioned you need more than just a basic idea ellie you need to think harder oh we had a basic idea and look at us still running with it over six years later but it's a good idea isn't it yeah i suppose yeah no let's do a podcast

in which people send us questions at least we thought it through a bit more than like it's like the premiere and adverts with lenny henry yeah basic idea though oh that'll be funny put lenny henry in a commercial no think harder ollie answer me this is it acceptable to sell something intangible on ebay in the name of charity even though the winner wouldn't get anything well don't undermine your own product ellie i mean the winner would get presumably you'd have to say in the description that you'd send the winner a picture of your smile or something in which case they're getting something or maybe a cast of your smile like people get their pregnant bellies encased in plaster and then cast into bronze that's a good idea actually because ebay specify that you can't give away

something that's digitally transmitted uh you have to be selling something that is has a real presence because otherwise it would be encouraging piracy so you can't sell a notion presumably then you can't even sell an email you would have to sell a printed letter or something yeah that kind of right yeah you need you need a thing people hold in their hands when they get it well depends on how nice her smile is what people are holding in their hands i mean oh ellie i don't want to be miserly about people doing something for charity but i do a bit i do just think sometimes with these charity things people do like oh buy my smile that's no effort ellie buy my budget christmas pudding that i've had in my cupboard for two years no do something no do something good do something good do something

that's taken a little bit more hard work than that and when even when people send around those things going oh i'm walking three peaks in three weeks to raise money for charity peaks in weeks challenge you're like no you're not though are you you're you're climbing three peaks in three weeks because you want the the physical uh exertion you want to test yourself you want to see if you can do it and you want the experience and you're using the charity as an excuse and of course you should give some money to charity rather than not give money to charity. Yeah. But don't pretend that you're doing it because of the charity because you're not.

I suppose when people run the London Marathon I think you can only run that for charity. Yeah. But could you pick a really evil charity? They'd probably refuse your entry, wouldn't they? But the thing is, and I can see how raising money for the charity drives you on and makes you more focused and everything else. But that's more honest, isn't it?

I'm raising money for the British Heart Foundation because I'm running the London Marathon and you have to raise money for someone and everything else but then but that's more honest isn't it i'm raising money for the british heart foundation because i'm running the london marathon and you have to raise money for someone but no one ever says that they always say i'm doing it because my grandfather died of a heart attack and it's like well sort of but you're doing it because you want to run the london marathon that's what you want to do do you know what i mean no one actually very rarely do people actually do things that genuinely make them suffer and things they really don't want to do o Ollyman wants to see you guys crucifying yourselves, and not even for charity, just for your own mortification of the flesh. You deserve it.

But actually, the rules around eBay are very fascinating, Ellie, so thank you for bringing my attention to them. Yes, Olly doesn't like reading very much, so when he does it, it better be worthwhile. That's right. So here are some things that you're not allowed to sell on eBay. Some of them are obvious, some of them less so. Dead human beings, I'm assuming.

That definitely is one. Porn, obviously. Really? Sexual devices, unless they're advertised as something euphemistic like a personal massager. Okay, and as long as they've been put through the dishwasher. Drugs, fair enough. Firearms, IDs, hazardous materials. None of this a big surprise.

Right. Here are some of the ones that i was surprised by they specify and this is what's surprising not that you can't do it but they specify that you can't on their website and therefore i imagine someone has set the precedent of trying they specify that you cannot use ebay to sell old gravestones that's extraordinary isn't it now presumably someone has stolen a gravestone and tried to sell it on ebay i mean how old is old i mean could you have one that's a couple of years old it's not vintage it's just second hand no you're not allowed to sell second hand ones wow but in some some things they do specify an age so for example and this is something that will interest

you serial killer memorabilia is fine i don't want any shit. That's bugging up my birthday present to you. I'll take it. Is it a lock of Bundy's hair? Serial killer memorabilia is fine if the serial killer was over 100 years ago. Oh, podcast. Interesting. And that's basically out of respect to the victim.

Do they mean the serial killer's last act of serial killing was over 100 years ago or the serial killer died 100 or more years ago? I think what it says is that the items themselves have to be over 100 years old. So I guess this means hang on to your John Wayne Gacy paintings for a while longer, listeners. Well, it means that my Charles Bronson letter

to Philip Schofield won't be tradable on eBay. Not a serial killer. Not a serial killer. Just very violent. Yes, but it applies to artworks created by violent criminals of the past 100 years. Again, they specify that. Well, it could be your pension, though.

Yeah, I guess. But then the ice... Oh, well, it could be your grandchildren's pension. Also, and this is extraordinary as well well i think they have a specific exemption on and who'd have thought this would come up in two consecutive editions of answer me this they have a specific exemption on original copies of if i did it by oj simpson wow is that just so he absolutely cannot make money off this murder yeah in context of all of that yeah i think a smile seems very harmless ellie maybe and so i think ebay would probably be fine with you selling something that as you say it's kind of intangible so long as you're very specific about what someone

gets by bidding on it yes and it is a real thing so if someone got a printed out photo of you smiling that's fine so going back to what you were saying ollie maybe ellie could do a sponsored smile instead of selling her smile so she could get people to give money on just giving or something ah now if she had to walk around with a proper rick to scream on for like three months what could be more wonderful that that would bring joy to people and it would also mean you'd really suffer so that yeah i think for that perfect tick tick tick ticky all the boxes for me well that's the end of this week's Answer Me This. We have answered our last. But we will answer more

next week if, if, if you provide us with questions to answer. Yeah, that's right. I was slightly over-enthusiastically just being like,

yeah, we'll be back next week. But we don't want you to take us for granted, listeners. There is quite a lot of onus on you, listeners. You provide the questions. If you slack off, there is no next week.

That's right. Do you want that on your conscience? No, you don't. So send us your questions by email phone or skype and all of our contact details are on our website answer me this podcast.com whilst you are there click on the button that says audible to get the free audiobook trial i know we have been going on about this but this is the last time so just give me 30 more seconds to say you have until april thursday midnight on april the 1st 2013 to get your free audiobook to make you happy and to make us happy with money because you would like to support our show happy with money the ollie man

story i am buying a house uh yeah you could pay for ollie to get his gutters cleared and we will be back answering your questions next week bye