Answer Me This! - AMT252: with special guest Isy Suttie

Episode Date: April 11, 2013

with special guest Isy Suttie Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's Tom Cruise's oblivion about Alton Towers Has to be this, has to be this Does Jordan still yearn for the toes of Dane Bowers? Has to be this, has to be this Helen and Ollie, has to be this That's right, she's here! Dobby from Peep Show, Esther from Shameless Izzy Sooty from Izzy Sooty's various live events

The woman who shared a tent with me at Latitude Festival 2006 Izzy Sooty from izzy sooty's various live events the woman who shared a tent with me latitude festival 2006 izzy sooty hello welcome to answer me this izzy thank you uh well of course we're not the only people who are excited that you're here izzy the listeners are as well mike has tweeted in to say izzy sooty unanswer me this she's my allowed celebrity shag what's his name mikey his name's mike Stoner One on Twitter. Is he on your list of allowed Twitter shags? I don't know if I've got one. You do have a boyfriend, don't you? I do have a boyfriend.

So it's important that you negotiate with him, the people on Twitter that you're allowed to have affairs with. Yeah, I'll go and address it immediately. Have you ever had that discussion, in fact, with your boyfriend, that whole celebrity shag business? No. What is it? Is it like... Well, you're all allowed one aren't you're allowed one you can't cheat well in the case of the boy band does that count as one i don't know i'm not allowed to go with jay anymore since he left you're you know you you have a faithful relationship you believe in absolute fidelity however well it's not absolute fidelity if you're having this conversation

about loopholes well this is the is the thing, isn't it? Does the conversation lead to the potential in the future that you might just think about, consider, even if you don't meet that celebrity, perhaps someone who just looks a bit like them? I think it's got to be someone who you'll never meet who looks like no one else. Like Steve Visembe.

Or Jabba the Hutt. Yeah, or David Bowie, because one eye's a different colour. He looks a bit like Tilda Swinton. Yeah, that's true. You might possibly meet Tilda Swinton. Yes He looks a bit like Tilda Swinton. You might possibly meet Tilda Swinton. Yes, he doesn't like Tilda Swinton. There is a chance, isn't there, that you might be in a room with David Bowie at some point and you're as exciting as he's

I like the fact that you think that that's the case. We've never had that chat. I guess I sometimes say that, like, we were watching The Wire last night and I said, I want to marry McNulty, but that was because he'd just, like, been really gallant. It's nice that you went for personality rather than just looks. Yeah.

You've got a thing for gallant guys. Yeah. Would it be a nightmare? Would that be your idea of a celebrity show, like Sir Gawain? He's a bit old now. I don't know if you've seen him about, but he's really let himself go. Well, anyway, this is a very big deal, your presence in the room, Izzy, for James in China, who

says, I've just finished listening to Answer Me This 251, and towards the end, I was very happy to hear that Izzy Sooty would be on your show. However, as you were announcing it, something very strange happened. Oh. I know what you're thinking.

Did he get a stiffening of the penis? I wasn't thinking that. I wasn't thinking that. As Helen was doing her one-handed drum roll... Not a euphemism. I thought to myself, I bet they've got in Izzy Sooty. Amazing. Wow.

Oh, so he had a premonition. He had a pre... Someone call Derek Okora. There's a new psychic in town. In China. Seriously, he says. Of all the people in the world whose names I could have thought of, I thought of her and no

one else. Maybe he's only ever heard of her. Yes. Are you big in China? Not that I know of, but I could go there and do a tour date to James. Now, I'm not some mental peep show nut or Izzy obsessive. This email is not suggesting that this is true. So, I'm not some mental peep show nut or Izzy obsessive. This email is not suggesting that this is true. So, I'm not constantly thinking of Izzy or anything,

but I'm baffled as to why her name would have popped up. There has to be some logical explanation. There does. How has my mind linked you guys? Have either of you worked with her in another podcast or show? We shared a tent at Latitude 2006. You probably heard about that on uh tentshare.com have you announced it somewhere else on the web it was on twitter

yeah i think that's probably what's happened isn't it you've seen it on twitter he could have read twitter late at night and absorbed it and then the next day listened to the podcast and forgotten that he knew who it was going to be uh there must be some connection he says i've made to have thought of that name and it must be something you publicized in some way because there's no way i might have accidentally overheard one of you in a pub talking about it because i live in china all right so izzy answer me this how did this happen i think did you ever do this when you were doing your gcses or a levels did you record yourself on a cassette tape saying all the facts that you needed to learn

and then play it while you were asleep? And it goes into your head. Does it work? Well, I did it and it didn't work. There's no control experiment, though. You don't know how badly you might have done without it. That's true. And also, we were on the phone all night the night before

our English language A-level to two boys we met at Centre Park School, Marius and Ed. How did it work out with those guys? It didn't work out with those guys. I'm sorry to hear it. What a waste. I got a B in English language because of that. So even though I'd played all the facts to myself,

I didn't remember things about language acquisition. Just thinking about boys. Because we'd been talking about swimming and tennis all night. Okay, and this links to China how? This links to China because I think China's quite ahead in technology. So it's possible that James has got some kind of contraption that plays him his Twitter feed while he's asleep, which actually would be quite a good invention. So he doesn't ever have to look at it.

It just goes in by osmosis. So his subconscious has absorbed it because you've tweeted about it. But he wasn't conscious of it happening. I do wonder, actually, if I was doing my A-levels now, whether I'd take this kind of subliminal learning idea into the digital sphere. Because I, too, when I was 17, 18, I I was doing my A-levels now, whether I'd take this kind of subliminal learning idea into the digital sphere. Because I, too, when I was 17, 18, I remember for my history A-level, I had facts kind of written on post-it notes around the house. It's quite embarrassing when my parents had friends around, because it would say, as you came down the stairs just above your head, Hitler becomes Chancellor 1933.

As if this was something worth celebrating and cutting out, putting on the wall. It's by far the least weird thing in the house you grew up. That is actually true. Clowns everywhere. Well, Izzy, another thing that we were talking about on the show last week is auditions. And Ahmed from Leicester has written in to say, the conversation about auditions last week got me thinking about casting calls. When a casting director is looking for someone who fits a particular negative stereotype,

what do they put in the casting call they can't possibly write unattractive geeky guy fat girl or shifty pedophile looking type can they is she talking about the customer answer me this shut up so is he answer me this what do they write in these situations i know what he means sometimes to save people's ego or feelings they say like Roseanne Barr type how is that pulling any punches but I suppose then it's like one step removed from going yeah angry woman yeah because also she's very funny so it's like you go oh okay she's funny and successful so that so I think it kind of coats it in a although but sometimes i go too far and they're like think mackenzie crook crossed with a squirrel

poor mackenzie crook being the top stone uh or sometimes i say that says is he sooty type no but someone told me that they'd read that and then but they hadn't wanted to audition me oh that's so weird isn't it yeah but is he sooty's a bit old for the Izzy Sooty type. Yeah, exactly. There's that Bruce Campbell thing, isn't there? There's like the five stages of acting, which is like, who is Bruce Campbell? Get me Bruce Campbell.

Get me a Bruce Campbell type. Get me a younger Bruce Campbell type. Who is Bruce Campbell? That's utterly brilliant. And when you got the call for Dobby and Peep Show, was there a type written out? I remember it said, doesn't seem attractive at first,

but we can ugly Betty this. I remember it said that. I recently signed up to a new agent and they did that thing where they fill in a form with all your physical details. It's like eyes blue, accents you can do. I had to do one for club psych. How am I going to define that?

But then they were going to do physical build and I was like, well, there's plump on there, put plump. And they're like, no, no, no. And they put curvy. I was like, no, I going to define that? But then they were going to do physical build, and I was like, well, there's plump on there, put plump. And they're like, no, no, no. And they put curvy. I was like, no, but I am plump. So if I turn up to a casting, and they're like, oh, she's plump, we're asking for curvy.

There must be fewer people looking for the plump roles, surely. I'd say you were curvy rather than plump. My stomach curves out. Can I point out at this stage that I'm the only person on this podcast without an agent, and I am seeking representation. Legal representation. I can play geeky or tubby. You're not tubby. No, you're really not tubby.

I can play it. I've got bad posture. You can play furry. I can definitely play that. What type is Martin? Well, in Gay Parlance, he's an otter, which is thinner than a bear, but hairy. Ottery Daniel Kitson type. Yeah.

Oh, is that? Wow. Is that what he'd be in? An but hairy. Yeah. Ottery Daniel Kitson type. Yeah. Oh, is that, wow, is that what he'd be in? An otter? Yeah. Because bears are quite burly. Yeah, bears are big, yeah.

Whereas I'd be a, what do they call chubby people? You're a semi-bear, but you're not quite hairy enough. You're not quite a bear. You're like a bear that's been, Like a shaved bear. Shaved bear.

Teddy bear, maybe I'm a teddy bear. Yeah, a bear that ran through an especially prickly head. What about a gummy bear? Oh, a bear that ran through an especially prickly head. What about a gummy bear? Oh, a gummy bear, yeah. That's quite nice, isn't it? Well, a gummy bear, to me, is a child who's going to end up being a gay bear.

You can sort of see the potential. If you've got a question, email your question To answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who?

On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. So Izzy, now that you're warmed up into our Answer Me This experience, are you enjoying it? Yeah.

Well, good, because that puts you way above our last Answer Me This guest, Jackie Mason. Did you really have Jackie Mason on? We had Jackie Mason on. See, she's impressed. It was a good booking. Yeah, I'm very impressed with that. He was not impressed with us.

Yeah. He was not into it at all. Did he give you Ferro Roches? No! He gave us nothing but disdain. He didn't come to the AMT Towers. We went to him. I think the stairs

would have killed him. He didn't know who you were or what the internet is. Or why we were there. I don't think he was best placed for that. I agree with you though. It's cool to interview

a living legend before he becomes a dead legend, isn't it? I mean, God, Jackie Mason, that's massive. Yeah, he just didn't really

wasn't really into it. Not keen. Did he do a jingle? No. Actually, no, he did do a little sting. Yeah, but he was always i've just been on the whole holy show don't ask me why but i have something like that but he was holding the mic against his chest so he couldn't really hear it and there was this sort of knocking sound as well you would think an industry professional such as he if he was making such an error it would have been deliberate sabotage very difficult

isn't it how do you tell a veteran stand-up of so many decades standing that he's holding the microphone wrong? You can't. You can't, no. Time for a question of food now from Sarah, who says, I was making a bagel with cream cheese and jam for breakfast. Yeah, I agree. Izzy just made a face of repulsion. That's a classic American breakfast.

Is it? Cream cheese and jam, yeah, yeah. I've had that. Well, of course, they would call it jelly. And I must have been distracted, she says, because what I thought was a bottle of jam turned out to be sweet pepper and ancho chilli spread. The clash between...

I think that's a nicer taste. That still works. Maybe not first thing. The clash between the taste I was expecting and what it actually tasted like almost made me throw up in fear and surprise. All right. So, Izzy, answer me this.

Have you ever accidentally eaten anything that made you this specific Kind of sick Erm The disconnect Between expectation And result Which I suppose

Is what people like Heston Blumenthal Are actually gunning for Yeah absolutely You see he's taking things That you'd think Would make you feel sick And then they taste nice

So it's turning up his head But I think if I looked at Say an apple And it turned out To be made out of Chicken liver pate I would be a bit upset I think if you picked one Off a tree And it made out of chicken liver pate i would be a bit upset i think if you picked one off a tree and it was full of chicken liver pate then that is

certainly true well i'd be done for scrumping fake pate apples wouldn't i it would be worth making a fake pate apple and then watching with binoculars see someone steal it from an orchard i can't think of i i went to that restaurant darn le noir in east london the pitch black place yeah it yes it's it it's quite a weird experience all the waiters are blind and it's pitch black in there and so you get led to your table by a blind waiter or waitress you hold your hand onto the shoulder of the person in front of you all go in a big line with other people who are going to sit down and then the blind waiter or waitress i don't have to keep saying blind the waiter or waitress says uh don't have to keep saying blind, the waiter or waitress says, you sit here, this is your seat.

And I sat on someone's knee. I sat on a man's knee. So that was the first thing. It's very weird. You're sort of packed in. I thought, so you can write. Anyway, this is a long way of telling you that you don't know what you're going to eat. I'm enjoying the detail.

Yeah. It's a surprise menu. I can understand why the blind waiters don't know what you're going to eat. Because it's meant to all be about sensory surprise. Yeah, so you can choose either meat, vegetarian or surprise. Like on a plane. Yeah, yeah. And I chose surprise. Surprise is both options mixed together.

Surprise, what was that? Well, it's mad food. It's like stuff that I would never normally have, like emu with pasta. And that was similar the shock was similar yeah because you know what you were expecting you have to eat it with your hands in a weird novelty way with blind waiters yeah what you got was something that didn't taste nice either yeah pasta with your hands well i had you have to eat it all with your hands because when it's pitch black i spilt wine all over the person next to me um and then you have to eat it

with your hands because if you try and eat with a fork and a knife and it's pitch black, you just can't get any purchase. You start carving through the table. Yeah. So that was strange. Were you on a date? No, I was with my sister.

Because a lot of people go to those on dates. That's weird. You started fondling the wrong person, couldn't you? I wonder whether it is an excuse to grope the other person and be like, oh, sorry, I was just looking for the salts. And I got your breast. Yes. It's quite interesting.

We got chatting to the people next to us another time. I've been twice. Oh, right. And the second time we got chatting to the people next to us and they were really posh and they worked in the city. And then we got outside and one of them was dressed as a druid and he had hair down to his waist. He said, this is the only restaurant I can go

where no one judges me by what i wear yeah well it's presumably the idea of having um visually impaired waiters and stuff and then having this sensory deprived experience is that you're supposed to have a sympathy for how blind people uh engage in life on a daily basis as well as sort of think about food in a different way but that's a bit like kind of an rspca restaurant putting you in a bin liner and throwing you into the river isn't it it's a bit of an odd idea i think well also i think if they had more normal food it would be because i don't think that blind people eat like emu every day like if they had like fish and chips yeah i think it would work better because the problem

is if you're not used to being in pitch blackness and then you've got to contend with like some weird consistency and you're picking it up and it's like dripping everywhere if you thought oh this is a meatball i recognize this then you'd concentrate more on the fact that you couldn't see and have that insight into what it must be like i think so if you're eating crisps it would be okay yeah what did you have the second time then knowing what you knew about the surprise option i had surprise again did you yeah double or quits and what was it a glutton for punishment i can't remember was it emu again no it was seafood of some sort like some weird fish cut in circles i think the um closest thing i've had to this experience of anticipating one thing and getting something else and i remember this very very vividly in the way that you do when anything traumatic happens to you when you're a child

even though in the grand scheme of what happens to other kids this really isn't that much of a drama i remember seeing on a kitchen table a big lump of cheddar cheese i'm thinking yes i could eat some cheese now even though it's not dinner time this taught me a lesson picked it up big bite butter yeah martin's i've done that yeah we've all done that didn't your brother go go to a wedding and there was a cheese table and it was at the end of the wedding and a dog ran up and ran away with a whole brie in its mouth? He would respect that in a dog. Dogs are remarkable like that.

I was watching my girlfriend riding a horse once. I was standing on the side, like looking into the arena next to a fence and I'd brought a packed lunch with me in a plastic bag. Two sandwiches sandwiches a drink and an apple all wrapped up in foil in the plastic bag and whilst i was watching her a dog obviously came up behind me and just ate all of the plastic bag leaving the handle in my hand so that when i looked down i was just holding the handle all of the food had got it and eaten the wrapping and everything you've got to admire the pluck you have it's like the dog that stole my sandwich when I was having a bad day because the family dog had just died. So I went to the park in Oxford with a sandwich I'd been looking forward to all morning.

Really good sandwich. Took a bite. Dog came up. Gently took it out of my hand. The audacity of that creature. Did it look at you? Yeah. But in a kind of, yeah, I reckon I can get away with this.

Having said that, it can be a very cheerful experience. I was once very sick on alcohol in a tent. Not in the tent, but I sort of leant out of the tent to be sick at three o'clock in the morning. Dog came along, ate it in front of me whilst it was hot. And actually, I couldn't help but laugh. We've just shared a moment here, you and I. Okay, I'm not with all the rest of my friends still having fun. But actually, that's something that only I can ever truly appreciate, that feeling of vomiting and then

seeing the dog eat it straight away. It's like a little jam. And then the dog said, sorry I was expecting this to taste like stew. I've got too much money! I've got too much money! Buy an auntie me this satchel or an auntie me this apron. I've still got too much money! I've still got too much money! Buy an auntie me this

mug or an auntie me this yellow t-shirt. I do not like money! I've still got too much money! Buy an Antimedist mug or Antimedist yellow T-shirt. I do not like yellow! I don't think good in yellow! They're all available in red and white and black. Where can I get these things from? Where can I get these things from? From cafepress.com slash Antimedist. I've got too much money! I've got... Oh, no, I haven't any more because although the items were very reasonably priced, the import duty was cripplingly expensive.

But no matter, it was still worth it because I'm a fly mofo! Well, Izzy, at this point in the show, we'd like to remind our listeners of our phone number. 0208 123 58 007 So brace yourself, Izzy, to hear the voice of a listener right now. Hello, it's Simon from Sheffield. I hope you're well. Helen and Ollie, answer me this.

Why do some people, and I include myself in this bracket, slap their thigh when something really funny happens? Izzy, as a popular and funny comedian, you must have seen rooms full of people all slapping their thighs in unison. They remain stony-faced for some reason all slapping their thighs in unison. They remain stony-faced for some reason. Slap their thighs in unison. Are you sure that you didn't go to a line dance instead of a comedy?

Do you have an involuntary laughter reaction like this, though? Like it's not funny slapping. For some people, it's rubbing their knees. I think I sort of quite violently move my head backwards and forwards. I was with Sean Walsh the other day. He's another stand-up. He runs away when he laughs. It's beautiful when you really make him laugh. He runs to Sean Walsh the other day. He's another stand-up. He runs away when he laughs.

It's beautiful when you really make him laugh. He runs to the other side of the room and runs back, just pissing himself laughing the whole time. And he gets some exercise. Yeah, exactly. Interesting psychological thing, though, isn't it? Running away from the laugh. Not wanting to be seen, not wanting to be shamed laughing.

Odd for a comedian, isn't he? He carries on looking at you, though. It's just brilliant. It's quite quite childlike i like it when people genuinely clutch their tummies and do a kind of ho ho ho my grandmother's new boyfriend yes she has one sorry for chaps does this thing where he just does one single ah that's really weird how does she feel about that well i've never spoken to her about it It just feels like a niche thing Maybe that will annoy her once they've already had this sort of fresh exciting period at the beginning of a relationship Yeah but just when you're sitting in a restaurant

Everyone at the table is laughing Ha ha ha And he just puts his head back Ha He might apply that to all areas of his life Just one single strong ejaculation Well yeah I was thinking if he was cleaning something. If he was cleaning something.

Well, imagine it might be very methodical. Like instead of sort of, if he was, I know this because I'm trying to get a stain off the bath. Instead of just scrubbing the stain really slowly and delicately, he'd probably just do one single, you know. If he's slicing bread, he just does one single chop. Yes, yes. then they have two massive slices of bread

what's the point of that it's a bad method but it's his way sufficient laughter though isn't it in a way if you're going to get a noise out do it strong

do it loud do you think he just does one sob when he cries ask your grandma I'd be interested to know but anyway I wonder whether

the thigh thing is just the need to create even more noise than you're already doing laughing because you're enjoying it so much. It could be.

Maybe it's to do with glee as well. I've never slapped my thigh whilst watching Glee. No, I've just put my head in my pants. Autotune really does it for me. They're playing children. Oh, barely. Come on. Anyway, Izzy, here is a question from Gemma and Molly in Manchester.

They say, shortly after moving into our rented house in Manchester last November, we noticed a number of tea bags in the backyard. I didn't think too much of it, swept them up, discarded them, and moved on with my life. You would, wouldn't you? Some people might sweep them up and use them again. Anyway. However, less than a week later, I ventured into the yard again

and found around 50 tea bags, all dry, so they hadn't been there very long, and they were seemingly placed in a regimented, equidistant layout all over the yard. Again, I cleared them up and threw them away, yet this has happened on four occasions since then. I can think of no person with a motive for doing this, and it happened so soon after moving in that it seems that the neighbours would have no real reason to creep us out. So Izzy answered me this. What do you think is going on? What shall I do?

The neighbours do not suffer the same teabag creepiness. It's probably them doing it then, isn't it? That's what I was thinking. It's the neighbours throwing it over the fence, isn't it?

They've got this weird habit. They sit and drink a cup of tea in the garden and they throw it over their shoulder. And happenstance, it arranges itself in a regular layout.

But it's the fact that it's a regular layout, it's like a northern version of Crop Circle. Yeah. Tetley Triangles. I want to, yeah. Do you think it's messages for Gemma and Molly? I'd like to see a photo of them.

Could it be that, like, maybe there's a guy next door who fancies them and he's trying to spell something out? Interesting tactic. That's bloody weird, is he? It's very... I'm trying to think of a positive... It's very shy, isn't it? A romantic element to it.

Garbage-based semaphore. Could it be students? Could be students. Who have enough time not only to dispose of their tea bags in an inefficient way, but also to make it seem somehow cryptic. If I were them and I found i was my neighbors i'd make a massive cup and saucer out of papier mache and put it where the tea bags always go it would

get very rained on in manchester though wouldn't get let the rain go in let all the tea bags go in and when it's full pour it through the letterbox of the neighbors or maybe the fox has eaten all of the rest of your rubbish but it does not care tea. But there'd be bits of bin bag around if that was the case, wouldn't there? Not if it's a clever fox, Milton. Once our fridge broke and I put... We've got what I call a rustic bowl in the kitchen, which is a bowl that I got from a charity shop made out of clay that I really love.

We keep onions in and stuff. And the fridge broke and I put milk, bread and cheese into the rustic bowl and put it outside on the doorstep because it was really cold outside and within half an hour the fox had stolen the cheese but left the butter and milk well it probably couldn't open the milk bottle with ease because they've not got opposable thumb well i think what we're learning is that nature can be selective you know as darwin said and then did it arrange the cheese roind into what looked like a deliberate pattern that actually was just happenstance it could be raining tea bags in manchester it's the kind of near biblical event that could happen there that'd be great if it rained tea bags i hope it's sort of

unusual romantic explanation rather than just that the neighbors are oh do you think maybe if like they cut into single teabag it spells out, will you marry me? Yeah, something like that. There's like jewels in there. Or do you think there's someone who is being kept in a dungeon under the neighbour's lawn? This is the way to say it, yeah. They've got like a little air vent

that just emerges into Gemma and Molly's lawn and they're pushing teabags up going, please notice that I'm under here. They've been there for ten years. That's a romantic suggestion, Helen. That's exactly the kind of thing Izzy wants. It's a Fritzl explanation. Where do you go to find all the

answers that you are looking for? I will tell you the secret. Very good, very good. Where do you go to find the answer? Answer me this podcast dot com. Where do you go to find the answer? Answer me podcast.com where do you go to find the answer answer me this podcast.com you will find your answer here answer me this podcast.com you will find your

answer here answer me this podcast.com well here's a question from richard who is 27 and from london got a mental picture of him i've got one okay he says recently i've noticed a dancing fox barbara windsor dressed as a princess, and topless Muscle Mary gay guys on the side of buses all promoting online bingo. With real bingo, the fun is the person calling out the numbers and doing as many cards as possible.

But Izzy, answer me this. What is online bingo about? It sounds like the most boring thing you could possibly conceive of to do on your computer or phone. I've never played online bingo, but I did used to go to normal bingo. It sounds like the most boring thing you could possibly conceive of to do on your computer or phone. I've never played online bingo, but I did used to go to normal bingo. Tell us more. In Catford and Lewisham.

Why? Because it was so much fun and a really good night out. You go there and you can have your dinner there. You get a tray. Oh, food at Bingo Hall, I bet it's magnificent. Let's gloss over the food and the tray. I imagine that alcohol has something to do with maybe this is why it might be more fun as the night goes on, just looking at numbers on a sheet.

But it's quite exhilarating, as Richard may know, if you're playing... So you can either play, like, one table or one game. So when, like, for instance, if the caller goes, like, 32, you look on one grid for 32. However, you can play up to, at least you could then, I think six tables or games at any time. So when they call 32, you've got to quickly check six grids for 32. This sounds like a maths class. This doesn't sound fun so far.

It's so much fun. I'm telling you, the buzz that you get when you're one number off i can't explain it in words it sounds like speed it sounds like speed admin i suppose i went when i was a very poor graduate and the prospect of winning money so have you ever won anything no i've not won anything at bingo i did do a tour of cinderella around bingo halls who did you play i played I played the Fairy Godmother. It was my first job in 2000 and I lived in Blackburn and our rent was £30 a week. And Blackburn's a great place

and we got to know the locals and went to the pub a lot but we had to do like three shows a day of Cinderella in bingo halls and prison offices like social clubs and caravan parks and stuff. So we used to get to the bingo hall and they'd all turn up for bingo and then we'd come on and go hello i'm buttons or have their dabbers out ready and really piss them yeah because you don't want to be distracted while you're playing bingo no and you don't well and bingo wasn't even going on that night they

were going to get cinderella instead of bingo what you should have done is handed out cards for like panto bingo yes for every oh no you're not and every he's behind you. Yeah, get a tick. So right, that's a really good idea, you know. It's just not a bad idea, is it? I bought a heater off a prisoner

because our house was so cold and we were, four of us sharing a room. Oh, I'm sure he really felt sorry for you. With all that freedom I have opening the door all the time, it gets really cold in my house. I think it might have been

a prison officer, not a prisoner. Okay, not prison okay okay presumably drinking whilst you're playing bingo is dangerous as well because you might inaccurately dab yes very true so you shouldn't get too drunk you shouldn't have more than a pint perhaps we're answering the question here because when you're at home probably alone online bingo playing you're probably not going to drink more than a pint are you but i know that in these online bingo playing you're probably not going to drink more than a pint are you but i know that in these online bingo centers they do try and replicate the other elements that you so enjoyed is he so they have the social thing so they have radio stations that internet radio stations that are just for people when they're playing bingo online wow so that there's like a

live feeling and there's a chat room so they can all talk to each other whilst they're playing bingo so they're trying to simulate the social stuff i guess so that you don't get pissed and misstab i think it would be good if you for any reason couldn't leave the house like if you had a disability or um or another reason like you're agoraphobic or yeah you could you didn't live near a bingo hall and you love bingo there's an even more depressing reason than agoraphobia is he that i found as well is it that bingo halls are closing all over the place it's sort of that why are they closing is it because the people are closing all over the place? It's sort of that. Why are they closing? Is it because the people are dying that play in them? No.

It's because of the smoking ban. Apparently a lot of the older working class people that basically used to go and play bingo used to go there to smoke and chat and play bingo and now they can't but at home they can smoke whilst they're playing. Yeah but at home they can't do as much of the chat and the playing of bingo and have the pie. Well maybe they could

people could meet up at their houses and smoke and each bring a computer. Yeah, good idea. Yeah, you could totally do that. Yeah. Do they have online beetle drives? I remember beetle drives being a big thing when I was young. Oh, yeah, beetle drives were ace.

That's like junior bingo, isn't it? I can't even remember the rules now. I have no idea what you're talking about. It was like all the parts of a beetle. It was like each of its legs and its body all broken up into squares. How are you all nostalgically reminiscing about a thing where I have no idea what you're talking about?

Because we went to the fun parties when we were young. Yeah, obviously. You were off making playbills for your solo shows. Foxy Bingo, man dressed as a fox in a 70s suit, bit Shane Ritchie-ish. Does that appeal to you in any way? It's quite sexual, that character, I think. Would you?

Yeah, that's kind of what I'm asking? Yeah, he's my celebrity shag. Mr Foxy Mingus. And I don't mean whoever does the voice, I mean that fox. I haven't seen the campaigns. Can I just be clear though? If he's a merman and he has the lower body of a man but the face of a fox, because that's all you see is the face and hands, is he still your celebrity shag

or do you actually want him as a fox? A human-sized fox with the genitals of a fox. I'd rather he had the genitals of a fox. And the tails. Interesting. I'd rather he had the genitals of a fox than the morals of a fox. Would you like him to scream during sex like foxes do as well? Yeah, I'd love that.

Hello. I'm Wilson, the ball from Castaway. And here is my song about my favorite balls. Football, rugby ball, volleyball ball, tennis ball, zoe ball, basketball, net ball, hand ball, debutante ball Bowling ball, baseball Big sweaty ball Answer Me This Sports Day, a marathon of fun and games Out now at answermethispodcast.com slash albums

Well, here is a question from Michael from London Who says, I am a 16 year old who unfortunately Looks a lot younger than his real age, like many 16-year-old boys. I have recently acquired a shiny new girlfriend. And we have mutually decided to have sex. Unfortunately, our sexual activities have been put off as I am afraid to buy condoms. As I imagine, the shop assistant will think I'm younger than 16.

So Izzy, answer me this. How can I overcome my fear to buy condoms? I'm surprised that a 16-year-old boy with the promise of sex could not overcome any fear to get them. No, it's very sweet that I would go to the doctor and get some free ones. Yes, or family planning. I love the idea of him getting an older person to buy the condoms. Normally you're getting them to buy cigarettes or porn.

But there is no legal age for buying condoms could you just go to the uh automatic checkout where it's a robot rather than a human oh and then scan it but frankly shop assistants particularly in london michael don't care what you're buying it's not like they go hey everybody come here this kid's buying condoms someone's gonna get some get some! They've seen everything. This is a big city. They're just going to put it through the till, make you pay, and then forget about it. What is the problem? You've just got to focus on what will happen once you've obtained the condoms,

and that will make you feel better about buying them. But if I may say, as a young man who was embarrassed looking at condoms in Boots, look online, because this is a thing you can do now, and choose the packet that you want. Oh, so you're you're not browsing yes because browsing when you're 16 is tricky could you not buy them online michael well no because you need to be over 18 to have a credit card maybe you could send a postal order the other option is that he could dress as spider-man if there's no age limit he could wear a mask i think it's weirder a guy dressed as Spider-Man buying condoms I think that's gonna

attract more attention I was in a shop recently and a man came in wearing a superhero suit including the full face mask and he was carrying a bucket because he was collecting

for charity but the shop assistant was petrified that he was a burglar because he was wearing a mask yeah so don't go for the mask if that is your option

but then it does diminish the look here's a question from Steve in Northamptonshire who says Yeah, because it was wearing a mask. So don't go for the mask if that is your option. But then it does diminish the look. Here's a question from Steve in Northamptonshire who says, When my wife achieves orgasm, she frequently faints afterwards. Izzy, answer me this. Is this normal or do I just have magic fingers? Magic fingers? Like in the Roald Dahl story, the magic fingers.

And then I saw Red and my wife had an orgasm and fainted. And then she turned into a swan. I've never heard of this before, but it sounds like he must be pretty good. It could just be that the blood has rushed out of her head. Maybe she's got some sort of illness. This is an early sign if she's passing out. Maybe she's having sex in a position that means her circulation is disrupted.

If she's jogging. If Steve's into that kind of sex where you throttle the person lightly as you reach climax, then I can understand why this is happening. I wonder how long she's out for. You seem to be a bit troubled by the lack of information provided by our listeners. I just wanted to know more so that I could give more good advice. Not because you're a voyeur or a vampire for other people's misery. No, that's just a bonus.

Yeah, but I like the fact that you've put in effort throughout the entire podcast, Izzy, to really try and give the best advice. You know, not to just give an off-the-cuff remark, but to actually consider real people and their real problems in their real lives and how you can help. These are real people, aren't they? It is, yes, and we often think of them merely as punchlines

to our podcast, but what a refreshing take on the format Izzy. We hope you've enjoyed it listeners and you feel very much nourished emotionally. And if you'd like to be nourished with more noise from Izzy you can tune in to Radio 4 very shortly we understand. Yes you can tune in to Radio 4 from the 30th of April

at 6.30. What is the name of your show? It's called Izzy Sutty's Love Letters. Okay so you're not solving other people's problems, but they may find sucker somewhere in the material anyway. Yes, indeed, my friend. And if people want to find out more about the work of Izzy Sooty and maybe some of your live performances, where can they go to discover this information?

They can follow me on Twitter, at Izzy Sooty. I've got a website, but I don't ever update it. That's when people are honest about these things. Anyway, listeners, I'm afraid there will be no Izzy Sooty next week But we'll still be here If that will suffice So please send us your questions via email, phone or Skype All of our contact details are on our website

AnswerMeThisPodcast.com Which we do update regularly Unlike IzzySootty.com And even more regularly Or sometimes just as regularly as that We also update our facebook page and our twitter handle as well at helen and ollie so uh check out our dates well i mean that's that's your discretion that's very much optional yeah and uh we will see you

with more questions and just us not izzy next week