Answer Me This! - AMT256: Sea Lions, Hot Tubs and Dead Ducks

Episode Date: May 9, 2013

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Can I get a 3D printout of Kelly Brook? Answer me this, answer me this What was all that about Rachel Leigh Cook? Answer me this, answer me this Helen and Ollie, answer me this Here's a question from Chris from Oxford who says My fiancé and I recently received an invitation to a wedding Despite the fact that it's in Newquay,

on bank holiday weekend, guaranteeing me at least 12 hours in a car, and they only gave us three weeks notice. Wow, you weren't even the second wave of invitees. Unless it's a shotgun wedding. You know, well, so what? They've invited you to their wedding, Chris. The least you could do is put a smile on it.

You sound like you're not going to be much of a laugh to have around at their wedding, even if you deign to go. You sound like you've decided already not to enjoy it a laugh to have around at their wedding even if you deign to go you sound like you've decided already not to enjoy it exactly with that attitude

you won't well he says I will be attending albeit under duress no shit however the invitation states dress code

for men black tie and board shorts half of your body is going to be a lot warmer than the other half that's true

what are board shorts they're like what people in Home and Away wear when they're running up the beach with a surfboard yes i can imagine actually this is the kind of thing robert downey jr would wear on the red carpet posh uh top half and then shorts uh helen answer me this should i turn up in this ridiculous mishmash of garments or treat the suggestion with the contempt i feel it deserves it's not a suggestion it's a dress code it's an order exactly it's a rule there's no latitude everyone else is going to be dressed like a tit yes so you feel more of a tit not dressed like a tit by all means take your trousers in the car so that if other people

have disobeyed you can disobey too but i think otherwise why draw attention to yourself it's like when i turned up at school on mufti day in school uniform and i thought this is a kind of protest but really it was just dickishness. And I'm big enough to understand now that I was being a dick. Wow, that seems like a major psychological event in your life when you're talking about it. I was 12 though. Yeah.

You're not 12, Chris. If you're talking about driving to Cornwall, you're at least 17. I've got an idea for Chris, which in a way is taking the theme even further. Wetsuit with a bow tie. Presumably that's what the father of the bride is wearing. I mean, I do appreciate the irony here.

I think we all do, that in trying to have this sort of informal beach look, they're actually imposing a rule which makes it harder to dress up than if they just said, wear casual beach clothes. You know, if they said, come dress for the beach, some people would wear board shorts, some people would turn up in flip-flops and normal shorts, but what they've done

here is, whilst trying to make it look relaxed, because they've gone for a uniformly relaxed look, some people are going to have to go and buy board shorts especially, just as you would have to go and buy white tie if they'd said that. The fact is, you've agreed to go to this wedding, so shut up and go.

Don't complain now, because what if you find yourself actually quite enjoying it? Then you'll look like an idiot. Whereas if you've been quiet and then it's worse than you and your fiancé expect, then you can bitch about it all the way home in the car.

The only problem is, I think, there are certain type of man that looks good in board shorts. And that's the kind of man who looks good on a surfboard. And if you're not that kind of man, as I am not that kind of man. Oh, you've got lovely calves, Ollie. I actually have reasonably proportioned legs, Helen, yes. They're very long and slender. They are compared to the top half of me. But the problem is the top half of me remains the same.

But then you've got the dinner jacket on, so what's the problem? In a way, it's the perfect outfit, yeah. I know someone who recently applied for a job as a lawyer at a cool new media internet company. Oh, does that mean they have to wear a stupid dress code? They were told by someone who works at the company, you've made a major error in submitting your LinkedIn profile, which has a picture of you wearing a suit.

Because this is a cool new media internet company. We don't wear suits here. And now they're going to look at that and they're going to judge you on your photo. Isn't that a mad reversal of dress code? Some people have gone for a suited look because now so many executives wear casual clothes. Their kind of fun, young, hipster look is a suit. I mean, almost a Pee Wee Herman kind of look. That's exactly what's happened.

Like, this company, if you want to be an executive there, you have to dress like you're on work experience. So he should have just worn a poncho on LinkedIn. But surely, of all people, you want the lawyer to be wearing a suit. He's not going to turn up in court wearing flip-flops and board shorts, is he? I mean, on jury service, I didn't even wear glitter nail polish to court, because I thought that would seem a bit trivial. Well, I think that's right, Helen. I think you do things properly.

I respect the legal process. Here's a question from Paul who says, Ollie, answer me this. Why isn't Fred Flintstone thin since he drives his car with his feet everywhere? Because it's a cartoon. That's why. That's why.

It doesn't make any sense that he wears a tie even though he's basically wearing a dress. Maybe his metabolism has slowed down. Maybe he doesn't drive that far. I mean, Bedrock might be one of those towns where people drive to somewhere that is only a five-minute walk away. Well, very likely,

because of course it's based on 1960s suburban America, isn't it, where it's very much the case. It's very car-centric, a lot of the town planning in America. If his calorific intake exceeds what is burning, even if he isn't exercising a lot, he might be healthy, but he might be overweight. He'd be massive if he ate all those

dino steaks and didn't go in the car I mean actually maybe the car is the only thing that's keeping him in the relatively svelte condition he's in

because the thing about Flintstone is that you know even though John Goodman played him in the film and everything people think of him as fat

if you watch the cartoon he's got a beer belly but it's not yeah he's not obese is he and also we don't know how the engineering

of those cars works yeah is the front wheel stone though? Well, this is it Because if he's propelling that, that is a weight Yes Well, if you need to get going, it could work like a flywheel after that But are there animals, for example, underneath the axle

As there are in many of the Flintstones creations? Like a tortoise that's powering things Is it effectively a power-assisted vehicle? Oh Like one of those bikes with a little motor on it Yeah, so you see his feet running along the bottom And you think, oh, he's doing well powering that.

It might not be the only energy going into that. Maybe it's just enhancing the motion. Or maybe that's just like a rudder rather than the actual motor. It's just steering. There was a German guy last year who built a replica of the Flintstones car on the chassis of a Volkswagen. Which kind of Volkswagen? I believe it was a Polo, Helen.

Well, that is a strong chassis. I appreciate your attempt at the banter. Car chat. It was amazing. Wooden frame, leopard print covers, did the whole thing. What did he make the wheel out of, Ollie? It was stone, I think. Really?

So he got one of those rollers that you use to flatten a cricket pitch or something? Yeah, that kind of thing, yeah. But you didn't power it with your feet. It actually had a 1.3 litre engine in it. Cheater. It was stone, I think. Really? So you got one of those rollers that you use to flatten a cricket pitch or something? Yeah, that kind of thing, yeah. But you didn't power it with your feet. It actually had a 1.3 litre engine in it. Cheater. And it wasn't roadworthy. The German authorities said, guess what?

You can't drive that because it doesn't have seatbelts or windscreen wipers. Because it will destroy any road that travels alone. And you'll probably fall out and run yourself over. He takes it around German car shows nowadays. We saw the Flintstones mobile as well, didn't we? Cars of the Stars, now sadly defunct. Oh, that's right, yeah. But that was from the Flintstones sequel movie, wasn't it? Not a strong film.

It's the one with, they couldn't afford Elizabeth Taylor the second time, so I think they got Joan Collins. Was Elizabeth Taylor in it the first time? Was she Betty Rubble or somebody? No, she was Flintstones' mother-in-law. Who did play Betty? Betty was really pretty. To be honest, as a 13-year-old, my entire attention was Halle Berry

exclusively is Halle Berry in it oh yes who was she playing Titty McTit I didn't know there were only Scottish characters in it

Rosie O'Donnell played Betty Rubble yes that's some miscasting no I don't know not bad I should have given it to Holly Hunter

you just say Holly Hunter because you like to see Holly Hunter in everything maybe who should have played Harry Potter Holly Hunter Oscar Schindler Holly Hunter right here's a question Who should have played Harry Potter? Holly Hunter. Oscar Schindler.

Holly Hunter. Right, here's a question from someone who would prefer to remain anonymous, but we do have her email address, so don't cross us, lady. She says, Helen, answer me this. When is it appropriate to tell a prospective partner about my clitoral hood piercing? It really depends on context. At his mother's

funeral. Probably later. Yeah, time doesn't come into it then, does it? It's all about the situation. I've been single for the 18 months since I got it. Coincidence? Yeah, I wonder if there's any connection to that. Just nerves, maybe. Waiting for it to heal.

And I'm not really sure how or when to tell him. Well, if you don't tell him, he probably will find out. Unless he can't find it. Do I just wait for him to find it, she says, perhaps pre-empting that gag, and run the risk of it really not being something he's keen on? You're not going to remove it if he's not keen on it, presumably, so fuck him. And, you know, at that point, frankly, he's happy just to see anything. Would you ask him to get his penis pierced if you were not keen on it being un-pierced?

Exactly. You see? Do I tell him pre-emptively, she says, and says and possibly ruin the surprise well you could tell him provocatively you'd be like well i've got a piercing in a very special place you don't have to guess where oh that's good yeah if you specify piercing because if you're like when you get in my knickers i've got a special surprise for you he might be expecting a sandwich i make it clear that it's a piercing yeah that's what i'd like you might be expecting that and then it'll be disappointing um i'd not envision this issue, she says

When I decided to get it done What were you envisioning? Should I use a euphemism? Can she not use the euphemism hood ornament? Actually, some of them are the size of car hood ornaments Some of them really like the Mercedes badge How many have you seen? I've done a little bit of research online

Some of them are just absolutely enormous And some of them are tiny Like little studs like you'd have in your ear. Okay, so a lot of it will depend on whether hers is more just, you know, a discreet ornament or like a bear trap. If it's an enormous Lily Allen style hoop earring. But if it's a stud, then I think actually in a way you could leave it as a surprise.

I suppose you might need to be careful if you're using condoms, which of course new sexual partner you should in case it tears them. Yes, it doesn't rupture. Yeah, that's true. Better to make him aware, isn't it? You might find it a tempting thing, actually, because you don't have that just for the look of it, do you? You have that because of the stimulation. You might think, a lady who likes stimulation, that must mean she's up for it. I do think the last thing I need is constant sexual stimulation. I really, I mean it's bad enough anyway

being a man and just being constantly distracted by sexual images. If anything you need a piercing just to give you a bit of time off. I need a piercing in my brain just so that I can think about other stuff occasionally. Don't say that because a fence post will fall through your window at night. In one way I am sort of looking forward to getting to my 60s and not being able to get a boner anymore

just so I can have a bit more time. To read and do the gardening. A little bit, though. I would love to get through Austin, but I'm never going to do it at the moment. Yeah, but you'd find those Bennett sisters all too sexy. They're quite hot. Here is another question about unexpected items on the genitals. Brilliant.

It's from Anonymous in Manchester, who says, I have a medium-sized lump on my penis. Ollie, answer me this. What should I do? Charge tourists tuppence to look at it. I'd do nothing. Sounds absolutely fine. I wouldn't worry about it.

And if your penis drops off, then you'll know that you should have done something sooner. But otherwise, if I were you, I'd just send a question about it to a comedy podcast. That's obviously the best route. I mean, also, what's your definition of medium? Is it just smaller than some of the lumps on your penis, but bigger than other ones?

Is it like a medium-sized mountain, like Scaffold Pike? I think the only wise advice is for us to say that you should go to your doctor. But of course, I mean, it might be nothing to worry about at all, but you won't know that until you go to the doctor rather than asking us. Apparently, the probability is that most penile lumps will be nothing to worry about.

They might just be a harmless cyst or, you know, a little swollen gland. Yeah, the dick equivalent of a lymph node. i've got a lymph node i think uh i say i think i haven't been to the doctor being hypocritical here i've got a tiny little lump here on my on the back of my ear that's fatal yeah but it kind of at one point i panicked because it was growing and now i've noticed that it's shrunk again so i think it's glandular isn't it but it's but it feels like a lump feels like a little bump on my skeleton. But just go.

Why on earth do people ask us for medical advice before going to see their GP? Or at least going to the genitourinary medicine clinic. Or at least sending it to Channel 4's embarrassing bodies. Good point. So obviously the place has sent all of your important medical information because it's so much less embarrassing than going to a doctor who's medically trained. Are you suggesting that the doctor on there is not medically trained?

No. What I'm saying is that you only see a medically trained doctor when you go to a doctor rather than one million people who are podcast at googlemail.com. Answer me, this podcast at googlemail.com. Answer me, this podcast at googlemail.com. So, retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car.

On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Here's a question from Lou, who says, when I go swimming, I just want to swim. All right. Oh, Lou, please will you do aqua aerobics?

No! Says Lou, the other attractions at the pool hold little interest for me. Well, that obviously is a man who has never encountered the Letchworth wave machine. Oh, my God. What a machine. And even a diving board that can be fun. Yeah or a water slide.

Or one of those inflatable dolphins. Well no hold on let's not get carried away because he's been very specific on the fact that the other attraction Little interest.

No interest. Little interest. Inflatable forget it. Waste of time. But I think wave machine does qualify. Liu continues. I have noticed however

that whenever they switch the jacuzzi on women of all ages make a bean line for it. Not men. Just women. And Olly Mann. Yeah, because you're making that porno in there.

At the ledge with jacuzzi. Love a jacuzzi. Oh, yes. What's not to like about a jacuzzi, apart from the floating body fluids that have been left there by the previous encumberment? Well, maybe you need to tell you what there is to like about a jacuzzi.

Because he's coming from the opposite end of the jacuzzi-loving spectrum. Well, I'm not sure I do want to tell him because I don't want the jacuzzi full he's coming from the opposite end of the jacuzzi loving spectrum. Well I'm not sure I do want to tell him because I don't want the jacuzzi full of men. I like all the women in there just for me. You and all your honeys. Liu says the only men who go there seem to have been dragged in by their wives or girlfriends. No, quite the contrary. Can't get my girlfriend

to go in the jacuzzi with me. She gets too hot. She is too hot. She's a hottie. Yeah, that must be why. Whenever I get dragged into it by the missus, I would just sit there bored for ten minutes, looking forward to being able to get back in the main pool and do some swimming again. He likes swimming, doesn't he? He has little interest in the other things. A man who's obviously never put his cock up against the jet streams.

Ollie, answer me this. Is there a physiological explanation for the gender-based difference in the attraction of a jacuzzi? Do women find it particularly invigorating or stimulating to sit on a bubble generator well you can answer that better than me helen well i remember them not being on the seat but being sort of in the small of your back yeah and that is fun yeah well he's going beyond fun though it's not sexy fun it's just fun well you say that and i'm sure you're right i can't speak for you i have no sexual feelings no but what i was gonna say is you know women are known to have no sexual feelings is this what you've explained to martin um known to have more sexual nerves in more places than men well maybe they're just not so concentrated in one

sexual place correct so whereas for a man to get off on it he really would have to place his erect penis up against a jet stream a woman i think it's reasonable to say some women perhaps some that are more sensitive than others that might feel more of an erotic sensation by being stimulated by bubble jets around their body than men might maybe i don't know how erotic it is to go in a jacuzzi that is in a leisure center this is the thing council leisure center it's like soup full of ming yeah it is yeah it's it's like a frappuccino of other people's pubes and the temperature of it is a breeding ground for germs however i wonder whether it's not even a physiological or sexual thing to account for the lack of men but maybe it's just that a lot of men feel a bit self-conscious yes

about going into a jacuzzi that's full of women i think that's right because if you go to one of the gyms and this doesn't happen so much in council gyms but in private ones go to one of those health clubs where it's uh luxurious enough that each gender in their own changing room has their own sauna steam room and jacuzzi very often the jacuzzi in those places will have men in it in the men changing room won't it whereas perhaps in the mixed as you're right perhaps in the mixed gender uh environment men see the women and they think oh that's not for me that's that's the thing for people who have the nails done and have go to come to the spa to be treated it's not for me big big physical exercise me or they think i better not go in there in case i inadvertently sexually harass a woman just by being there maybe she'll mistake the jet

of bubbles for me trying to touch her actually there is that thing when you're on holiday and you're in a hotel that's got a hot tub, when obviously you're going to use it. I mean, you'd be mad to see a hot tub and not use it. But you get that thing where there's a couple in there before you get in. Or actually, it's happened to me in January. I was in a hotel where there was a man playing with his little girl, like a seven-year-old girl, and they were playing with like a football. Oh, sweet.

And I was like, I really want to use the hot tub, but I feel a bit weird getting into the hot tub with a little girl, which is mad because that's all in my head. But I was like, I really want to use the hot tub, but I feel a bit weird getting into the hot tub with a little girl, which is mad because that's all in my head. But I was thinking, what are they going to think of me if I get in the jacuzzi with a little girl and start talking to them? Well, it depends what you're saying to them. If you said, how much for the girl, then I can understand that they would not be happy. So I wasn't really being clear.

The man wasn't in the jacuzzi. So the father was standing by the jacuzzi. The little girl was in it throwing the ball to him. And I was getting in the water with his little girl. Yeah, but I think it'd be okay if you were on the far side. Maybe even better if you had headphones on or something. Right, so I shouldn't have got in by thrusting my leg in front of her face. That was the wrong way.

I shouldn't have sat on her until she stopped moving. When Martin was having his stag do, his best man's original plan was for everybody to go to a Turkish bath. It was a lovely plan. Yes, but for Martin to be almost nude with 20 of his dearest friends seemed a little bit rich. In a way, that's just cutting straight

to the point of a stag do, isn't it? Daisy chain. Maybe this is the answer to Lou's question to an extent, is that clearly the sexual element of the hot tub is surely exemplified nowhere better than in the sex party, the swingers party. Very often, I know this is a stereotype, but very often centred around the hot tub. The hot tub is there as a central point

because it's a place where you have to take your clothes off to get in. And then you have a few drinks and then they go to your head because of the bubbles and the heat. And then suddenly before you know it, oh, you're having a three-way with Janice. You seem to know a lot about sex parties. Well, as you know, Helen, I'm moving house soon. Hopefully. I did a lot of research into the area, as one does. You do your landfill search, you do your environmental search. Sex party research. Oh, wow, has it got pampas grass? Well, I did a Google to find out where my local swimming pool was.

And what came up was a sex party website. What? There's a house up the road from where we're moving. Where, as far as I can work work out this is their main source of income It's a seven day a week swingers party operation Seven days a week? Not even one day to rest and clean up I don't think so

God they must get through a lot of cheese and pineapple on sticks They're constantly hosing the place down So they've got a swimming pool They've got a sauna and they've got a hot tub So can you go there just to use the sauna for your back? No You have to put out and what's brilliant is they actually have these trip advisor style reviews saying things like uh richard's cider apple crumble was absolutely delicious looking but we'd been to nando's before we arrived so we had no room and you can't fuck on a full stomach it's like you would think they were running a pizza express rather than a sex

dungeon it's not a dungeon if it's above ground it sounds quite were running a pizza express rather than a sex dungeon it's not a dungeon if it's above ground it sounds quite airy so do you think you might pop around because you're going to be living in the burbs and uh there's not going to be as much entertainment around you not so many theaters and cinemas yeah no i don't think i will because i think i'm too young uh no no offense to the people if they're listening but judging by the photos on the website i'm 20 years too young to be part of their parties so come back to me in 20 years with that and we'll see

if I can't afford my own hot tub by then I might be going around to you says whatever the consequences I will have sex but as long as you let me sit in the hot tub

what can you buy for £7.99 on iTunes that seems worth it Kesha's new LP. Churchill's biography. Or an app that does jack shit. For the same sum.

You can get all the fun at five hours of our old stuff. We're selling the first three years of Answer Me This in iTunes. Most of it is good, just a little bit is guff. Go to answermethispodcast.com slash classic and click the link and with your money we'll swaddle ourselves in nothing but the finest mink finest mink and gold shoes and diamond hats but normal pants listeners it is our weekly time of reminding you that if you want to leave a question in your then please give us a call on this number. 0208 123 58 007 Or Skype, answer me this. Let's find out who's done that this week.

Hey Helen, Ollie, it's Daniel from Dublin. I've just been on Facebook and a post has come up on my news feed saying that bread is actually dangerous for ducks. It can cause things like botulism and something else called angel wing, apparently. So please, for the good of my conscience as a young kid, when I was feeding ducks bread as a little kid, was I actually killing them? Or is this just some kind of urban myth?

So Helen Olly asked me this. Is bread dangerous for ducks? Who killed all the ducks? Who killed all the ducks? Daniel from Dublin. Daniel from Dublin. He killed all the ducks who killed all the ducks daniel from dublin daniel from dublin he killed all the ducks with bread who let the ducks die daniel um yeah it's really bad for ducks is it really yeah i was shocked daniel i'm sorry to have ruined your childhood retrospectively when they eat human food their organs become engorged and fatty and that can give them heart disease, liver problems, other health complications. Bread can get compacted in their crops, and apparently bread-impacted

crop is a known duck disease. Compacted in their crops? I assume the crop is like the kinky neck that they have. They do always have those signs, don't they? Don't feed the ducks in public places, and I would assume that was because it might poison the water. That can happen too. Yeah. And also your mouldy bread mouldering around can uh harbor botulism and it can cause pests to proliferate in the duck pond all these things

guess you get rats going in for a swim don't you if you've got too much that's right and they harbor disease and it also reduces their ability to learn how to source food for themselves and and they can overeat because you you might think well i'm just giving them a little bit of bread how many other people are thinking that's the problem yeah a little bit of bread's probably all right isn't it being honest it's like it's like cats with milk you're not supposed to feed cats milk but everyone knows but milk goes down lovely with a cat but you just don't you know little drop you we don't want is all the neighbors feeding the cat milk because then you get a horrible stream of diarrhea following it around so what's the thing to feed them bird feed i guess uh

cheerios which seems weird because they've got a lot of sugar in grapes cut in half defrosted frozen peas. Kale. Romaine lettuce, but not iceberg lettuce. It's too big, isn't it? Well, also, it's not that flavoursome. Ducks prefer less crisp lettuce. It's interesting, isn't it?

You never see old women go down with a bag of mixed salad. You might as well beat them to death with that stale bread for all the good you're doing. Well, here is another question of food from Richard from Wickham, who says, Holly, answer me this. Is it acceptable to eat crisps in the quiet zones of trains? Yes, I would say yes It depends, I suppose

how lustily you're eating them If you're just eating them at normal volume, I don't think anyone could deny that that's acceptable I think at any volume, unless you're amplifying it with the aid of a microphone If you're going crunch crunch, yum yum yum me and my crisps Because otherwise the sound of eating any crisp even a pringle or something is not going

to be louder than the accumulative noise of the 100 mile an hour carriage yeah do you frequent the quiet carriage as a rule i've been known to dabble and i don't notice it being significantly quieter i mean sometimes when somebody is having a mobile phone conversation someone else will tut i think that's but that is in itself a noise but that is the that's true but it's just that's the rule isn't it you're allowed to tut like you might not want to intervene usually by telling someone to send their phone but if you're in the mobile phone free zone you can point at the sign and tut yeah that is what you are buying i would love it if trains had a carriage where you

were free of other people's boring as shit anecdotes that they were either telling somebody else or they're on the phone telling because that is something that's really hard to tune out it is and actually you can't it's compelling isn't it even if the person isn't interesting actually even if the person is interesting you don't necessarily want to hear it i was behind uh radio one film critic james king once on the channel tunnel all the way from paris and you know during that three hour journey he was on a mobile phone in the seat in front of me and on the one hand i was thinking i couldn't shut down the part of my brain that was thinking oh it's james king but at the same time he's always saying interestingly maybe is that the

voice of your eternal monologue really that's right yeah whenever i come into contact with minor league celebrities that's right yeah someone that used to be a big brother um and i thought right well he's he might be talking to someone famous he might be talking to edith bowman yeah but but it was boring what he was saying was boring it was all about what he was going to do that weekend where he'd been what paris was like and i was like i'm trying to read and i don't want you talking at me but you can't do anything if you're not in the quiet carriage. Rebecca from Letchworth. Helen and Ollie and Martin the sound man answer me this. What is the difference between seals and sea lions?

Well, they are subsets of the same set in the Venn diagram of beasts. I don't doubt it. They're both pinnipeds, as are walruses, which means fin-footed mammals. But sea lions are much louder than seals, because you remember when you see sea lions in San Francisco or a lot down the Californian coast, they're just... It is great to watch them though, they're funny

because they have little fights with each other over a bit of rock in the sun. You're like, the whole coastline is rock in the sun. That's the story of humankind, Ollie. They're not so different from us. I guess. What is so magnificent as well about watching the pinnipeds is they're so graceful in water and so incredibly ungainly on dry land.

They can really move and see, can't they? So when you see the sea lions, they're sort of yomping over each other. But sea lions, another difference between seals and sea lions, sea lions can bend their tail fin underneath them to propel them, whereas seals, they stick theirs straight out

and kind of drag themselves along. But the mainifiable difference there better be one helen because so far my inner nutkins would not be able to identify one from the other from your description alone okay well then you won't be you won't be able to identify them for the fact that sea lions whiskers are smooth and seals are crimped i'm not getting that close okay what's the fact what can help me here seals have little holes for ears and sea lions have ear flaps nice and it's all about the flaps just looking for the flaps now i know yeah lion flaps but then my problem would be remembering which one had the holes and which one had the flaps uh well i'd think of a lion and a big flap i'd think of a big cat flap okay oh that's a good well done need a flap for a lion well if we've learned nothing else today, lion flaps.

How many social networks are you on? Vivo, Friendster, Parkview, Porn, Myspace, Ping and Google Buzz. If you want to be our pal, go to url facebook.com answer me this or twitter.com slash helen and dolly but please don't follow us in real life here's a question from amy from york who says i recently broke up with my boyfriend of about a year sorry amy uh for christmas well you might have been a dick well it's still hard to break up with a dick because you think what did i waste that year on a dick for yeah that's true yeah okay

i'm sorry that you might be thinking that yeah i mean initially i was dickmatized but once that wore off what's the excuse could have got out in three months. Yeah, that's true. So I'm sorry, Amy. Yeah, all right. Whatever the scenario. Yeah, you've been dicked. For Christmas, she continues, I bought him two tickets to see Bruce Springsteen at Wembley in June as he's a massive fan.

That's nice of you. That is nice. Although it will probably rain on him throughout the concert being June in UK. So in a way, you're getting him back as well. We had an amicable ish breakup continues Amy but have decided not to be friends fair enough that's very mature isn't it yes to actually be able to say in words like that in a printed email we've decided not to be friends not I hate him no we've decided uh so Helen asked me this would it be weird if I asked him to come with me to the gig

I know how much he wants to go and I don't really want to miss out either by the way if you've got him a christmas present then it's he who should decide who gets to go with him yeah i mean i know you've broken up so maybe then the tickets didn't arrive until just now and you paid for them but i mean that's the christmas present is not the voucher in the card saying i'm going to give you some tickets it is the tickets yeah if he'd bought them for you and therefore it was your decision whom to go with what would you feel amy you would probably feel like it was your decision whom to go with, what would you feel, Amy? You would probably feel like it was your decision whom to go with. So these are his tickets.

I think the opposite, yeah. If it were me and I'd been bought the tickets, I would think these are quite expensive and my ex-girlfriend probably would rather have them herself or my ex-wife probably would rather have them herself. The Statute of Libertations is it was a Christmas present. It's gone Christmas. It's June. It's like for your birthday last year, Martin,

when I got you that day's owling. Yeah. And then if we'd split up, you wouldn't have thought, well, Helen had better go on the owling. But that's different. That was a very specific experience to me. I don't think owls are your Springsteen, Martin. Yes.

The fact that Amy quite likes him as well is irrelevant. Anyway, she continues, I know how much he wants to go, and I don't really want to miss out either. I don't have any other friends who are springsteen fans as i'm 20 and therefore not exactly in the bruce demographic uh if i do this how can i ask him without making it sound like a ploy to get him back well i don't think it sounds like i'm aware that my friends who are still in the he's a dick phase will kill me if

i tell them i'm thinking of giving his ticket to him they won't firstly it's none of their business don't bother telling them secondly uh they're probably saying he's a dick because you've broken up with him and that's what friends do. Yeah, you have to say that, don't you? It's just impulse. I mean, he was probably fine for you to have gone out with him.

You're right, actually. Well, unless he's Chris Brown. You're right. And actually, perversely, they'd probably prefer it if you gave them both to him. Yes, exactly. Because then you wouldn't have to be involved at all.

Yeah, and it shows that, you know, you don't have any particular longing to go with him if you give him both the tickets bottom line you know it's a nice evening but it's not that romantic is it i mean go and see bruce springsteen with someone and it will lead to no sex at all yeah absolutely fine it's one might be like bloody springsteen you know what i mean he'll probably die in your lifetime and then you'll think oh i had an opportunity to see him once i missed it i wish i hadn't been so silly and second guessed myself so much exactly well listeners

it is time to draw this episode to a close but if you want to draw next week's episode to an open that's not really an expression but let's make it one I like it

yeah I like it why not draw it back like a curtain we can only fling open the curtains of next week's episode if you send us a question via email, phone or Skype and all of our contact details

are very clearly denoted on our website, AnswerMeThisPodcast.com, where also this week you will find links to Helen's new podcast. I'm cheating on this podcast with another podcast. With another podcast, but not another co-podcaster, so I can support this. Yeah, that's right. There's no men in this. Well, there will be token men in this podcast.

I'm making a podcast called sound women which is about women in the radio industry which is quite sexist and anyway the first episode is out the radio industry is sexist not the podcast no the podcast is anti-sexist well it's kind of sexist because there aren't any men in the first episode but it's positive discrimination anyway in the first episode i interview lauren laverne it's a good interview i can say impartially i mean i do know you obviously and even you know lauren used to work with her but nonetheless i can say impartially as a listener that i enjoyed it and you don't have to be a woman to listen to it even though it is aimed at women who want to get into the radio industry but men can listen to it too yes as long as they don't repress anybody

by doing so so uh that's at soundcloud.com sound women another podcast you should be subscribed to by the way is the ian collins wants a word podcast. Ian Collins, star. Friend of the show. Previous guest on the show. And we are, again, guests on his show this week. Yes. So if you subscribe to Ian Collins Wants a Word on all the usual pod places, then we're on that this week. And actually, whilst we're talking about podcasts that you should subscribe to, we don't mention this enough. We are every week on the Let's Talk About Tech podcast from the BBC.

Every week, both of us talking about the week online with Chris' smooth voice Warburton. Oh, it's like... Voice like melted butter Warburton. I think it's more voice like hot bovril. Yes. I think that's fair. So there you go, three podcasts to check out.

And since we have promoted three of our own podcasts with grim inevitability, we give Martin the opportunity to mention his briefly. Strap in. Oh, which one? Choose. I'm going to plug Drain... Brain Train. Drain Brain. inevitability we give martin the opportunity to mention his briefly strapping oh which one choose uh i'm gonna plug uh drain drain brain train drain brain it's a podcast about the sewage industry every week martin talking about different types of poo you can see floating in the drains very toilet heavy no it's called what brain train brain train yeah it's it's uh the idea is that

every week an expert asks another expert about something they don't know anything about okay so it's not like this podcast where stupid people ask stupid people questions. Well, no, it's more like, so like, I'm a physicist, and let's say I want to know all about Shakespeare, I get a Shakespeare scholar and ask them about that, and the Shakespeare scholar wants to know all about Firefly, so we get in a biologist and they have this really cool conversation. That sounds fun.

It sounds good. Where can people get that, Martin? Braintrainpodcast.com. So, listeners, that is an awful lot of free entertainment for you so we expect you to be very very cheerful and entertained when you return next week for

the next answer me this see you then bye