Answer Me This! - AMT257: Google Doodles, Polling Stations and Magpies

Episode Date: May 16, 2013

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Terms and conditions apply. Visit bmo.com slash theiporter to learn more. meadows holy There's a Ratatouille in my kitchen, what am I gonna do? That's essentially the question that confronts us at the beginning of this episode, listeners Lottie has written in to say Olic, please could you sing some bespoke reggae for me?

I'm currently a university student and in a fit of procrast... It is about Ratatouille, it just doesn't get there straight away and in a fit of procrastination... It is about Ratatouille, it just doesn't get there straight away. And in a fit of procrastination and Tesco's basics frustration... Technically, I think it's Sainsbury's basics, Tesco's value. She's not a student of supermarket low ranges. No, obviously not. I spent a good few hours last night making a huge pan of really good, slow-cooked Ratatouille. I couldn't be bothered to go downstairs to the communal fridge.

Students. So I triple tinfoiled the pan. Triple. Yeah. That's an insurance policy and belt and braces, isn't it? And left it on the ledge outside my window to chill. In America, it would be an apple pie and some recent escapees from a southern jail would take it. It's funny how I know that cliche

even though I don't think I've ever seen that film. So, this morning, she says, I woke up to find some greedy magpie had pecked through the foil, leaving a courgette mess. How did you know it was a magpie? Helen answered me this. Is it too grim to eat this ratatouille now?

I'm quite slack about these matters. I probably would cut out the bits nearest the beak marks and make sure I reheated it really, really thoroughly. But I'm not sure I would counsel other people to do that because it's different to suggesting somebody else damages their health. Yeah, but this is the thing, isn't it? And there's always this gulf, isn't there, between the advice that's doled out by government agencies

and responsible chefs on TV programmes and the reality, which is if you do drop it on the floor, you're probably going to eat it. If the butter's been out for a while, you're probably going to eat it. If the sell-by date was a few days ago, you're probably going to eat it. But you have to take that responsibility on yourself. We're not going to say here on the podcast, yes, Lottie, eat something that a bird might have shat in.

If you're asking me, would I eat it? Yes, I would. If you're asking me, would I advise you to eat it? No, I can't honestly do that. Do you're asking me would I eat it, yes I would. If you're asking me would I advise you to eat it, no I can't honestly do that. Do you think the magpie went for it because magpies traditionally like shiny things and it was covered in a triple layer of foil? Actually yes, could have created your own worst nightmare there by this

triple layering. This woman needs to get some Tupperware. Although I know that birds do go for food generally when the opportunity strikes regardless of whether there's foil there or not. They operate on their own terms, don't they, birds? A friend of mine was saying recently in a two-star hotel resort in Mexico where they had a budget breakfast buffet.

Two stars presumably is not that delightful? Well, you know, it was an all-inclusive resort, so it came with eat as much as you like horrible crap. And apparently at the breakfast buffet every morning, I'm about to say something that will sound like an antiquated racist phrase, but it is and it is real. At the breakfast buffet every morning, a hog-faced coon used to eat their food.

And what is one of those? Is that a raccoon? Yeah, it's a special raccoon with the face of a pig that they have in this part of Mexico. What? Yeah. And every time someone would go up to get something more from the breakfast buffet, they're a sucker for punishment a hog-faced coon would come and eat some of their food maybe the hog-faced coon was a guest well they paid their two-star money they're

getting their value it's possible the thomas cook website's very easy to use these days um but anyway he'd see the hog-faced coon come up and eat their food and not say anything to his fellow uh hotel guests but he said one morning he saw someone came up with got some like eggs and chips or something put them down went up to go and get some fruit salad hog-faced coon came had a good like ruffle around snaffled through all of it but it's horrible maddie paws and everything then went down wouldn't normally say anything but then a bird came and ate it as well and at that point because it had the hog-faced coon and the bird he felt compelled to say, you've just had two animals on your plate, you really probably shouldn't eat that.

Hello, hello, nolly, it's Tom here from Pilnear, Bristol. I was just watching a bit of late night TV and Aunt Bessie's claimed that Aunt Bessie's roast potatoes are the nation's favourite roast potatoes. That seems a bit odd because I've never bought an Aunt Bessie's roast potato and I've only ever made my own and they're probably much nicer because I used to make them and they're pretty horrible. If you can answer me that, that'd be great.

How do Aunt Bessie's know that Aunt Bessie's roast potatoes are the best roast potatoes? Because I think that's just nonsense. I imagine that they justify this claim simply by saying that they are, according to supermarket sales data, the most popular selling pre-packaged frozen roast potato. I've never bought a pre-made roast potato because it's just cutting a potato in half, putting some oil in it and putting it in the oven, parboiling if you can be bothered.

That is a very simple process that you can do whilst the other things are cooking. You don't even have to peel them, do you? If I may speak up in favour of Aunt Bessie, I have bought the honey glazed parsnips. That is parsnips cut in half with some honey on them. I know, but the reason for that is my girlfriend honey glazed parsnips that is parsnips got in half with some honey on the oven but the reason for that is my girlfriend doesn't eat parsnips she won't abide parsnips so when she's doing a roast she won't think to go and buy some parsnips and you can't buy your

own parsnips no well i've got is my own little supply of parsnips in the freezer so that when the day comes when she's doing a sunday roast that sounds like it's sexist like i don't do the cooking i do but she does the roasting i slip in i slip in a few honey glazed parsnips on the tray they're just for me just enough for me just a handful just three or four but you know you could buy your own parsnips make honey glazed parsnips and keep them in the freezer and then you're you are your own aunt bessie you see because you could cook those at the same time as you're roasting something else like your tuna pasta bake or whatever it is you're having for... Martin, would you rather shag Aunt Bessie... Or a Yorkshire pudding.

Or Mrs Ellswood? Who's Mrs Ellswood? She's the hottie of gherkins. Dill pickles. Who is Aunt Bessie? What does Aunt Bessie look like? Okay, Aunt Bessie is old-fashioned Yorkshire housewife, but not as fat as that would suggest. Right.

Mrs Ellswood is kind of turn-of-the-20th-century Jewish housewife. Sort of looks a bit like Ruby Wax, but ten years younger. Or, just to add into the mix, what about that woman that is the face of Grasmere Gingerbread? Ooh.

Sarah... Sarah Nelson's Gingerbread. Yeah. I don't know who any of these people are. The Gingerbread Woman will stink of butter and sugar. Yeah. Which is cloying.

That would... That would do it for you? That would turn me on. I think Mrs. Ellswood would be a better lay. Well, of course you do, Ollie, because you do love a Jewish lady. But I'd shag Aunt Bessie. And the reasons for that, I think, speak to the popularity of the roast potatoes.

I would shag Aunt Bessie because I would, in the back of my mind, think if this turned into a long-term relationship. Potatoes. I've got all the potatoes I want. She might even do me some parsnips. Whereas Mrs. Ellswood, she might be a bit sour. shag Aunt Bessie because I would in the back of my mind think if this turned into a long term relationship potatoes she might even do with some parsnips whereas Mrs Ellsworth

she might be a bit sour literally sour how many pickles can you have in your life isn't Aunt Bessie probably fictional anyway is Mrs Ellsworth real no they're both fictional

those are corporate conglomerates would you actually be having sex with a CEO I wouldn't want to shag a board of men in suits in whole look why don't you see

how your career goes, Ollie? Could be a bit Requiem for a dream in a few years, you never know. Here's another question of food from Robert, who says, Ollie, answer me this. Whose responsibility is it to place the divider between shopping items at the supermarket checkout? The person in front or the person behind? Also, if something rolls beyond the divider,

is it acceptable to touch someone else's shopping to place it back? I think the latter is acceptable. I think that's just politeness, isn't it? They know that you're not trying to steal things, that you're just trying to rectify a bad situation. There should be absolutely no issue with you touching someone else's food inadvertently for a second. To get your grapefruit back that's rolled off.

To make it clear where the line is. He's obviously overthinking this matter and no you don't say he thinks that his behavior has far greater impact obviously the divider thing is just who it's a greater priority for whilst we're on this subject which will literally never return to ever again in real life or on the air well i just want to say who literally who ever has used the divider indentation for where you dock your credit card? No one's ever used that. I've never even noticed that. There used to be, in the early days, when Clubcard and NectarCard launched,

they even used to say, put your Clubcard here. Like, honestly, how anal do you think I am? I'll give it to you when I'm about to pay. That's obviously the time that you need it. I'm not getting my wallet out at the beginning and the end. Exactly. That's pure madness. What kind of corporate slave do you think I am I'll give it to you when I'm about to pay that's obviously the time that you need it I'm not getting my wallet out at the beginning and the end exactly that's pure madness what kind of corporate slave do you think I am I'm going to dock my credit card in the divider if one of you listeners is the person that invented that please write well tell us whether it was actually a roaring success and it wasn't designed to appeal to the mind of Ollie Mann but other people love

it uh well here's a question from Lita from Minnesota. She says, I have absolutely awful posture from leaning over my computer desk all day. I imagine that's awful posture from leaning over it as in sitting in a chair and crouching forward rather than leaning over provocatively the whole desk. I don't know what you imagine her occupation to be. Well, actually, a provocative stretch

is actually quite a good stretch for your lower back, isn't it? If you stretch your whole body down where the bob cratchit hunch not so good not so cool uh and i know she continues that having bad posture can have seriously negative long-term effects on my back and neck quite right it's been incredibly challenging to pay attention to my posture throughout the day i'm finding it hard to make a positive adjustment to my posture habits. I find myself wishing there was something that could keep my lower back straight long enough to train me into the correct position for my back. Maybe you could strap yourself onto one of those gurneys that they have Hannibal Lecter on

when he's wearing the hockey mask and they're transferring him between prisons. So Helen asked me this. Could a corset help improve my posture? And what are the negative effects of wearing a corset daily, but not taking part in tight lacing? Oh, it's good she's not taking part in tight lacing, because that's the thing that crushes your organs. But otherwise, actually, it's not too bad. It can help strengthen your core,

and you are sitting up straight all the time. It may apply a bit too much pressure on your pelvic floor, which could be problematic in childbirth or with continence. Oh, that's something to bear in mind yes but not too much if you're not tight lacing it's not too bad and also it may make you eat healthier because if you're wearing a corset you're a bit restricted so you don't want to feel bloated or over full and so maybe it will have quite a lot of health benefits still processing what you said about it could could cause not too much of a problem for continence i

mean either it is or isn't a problem just a little dri. I'm not sure you really want to be on that scale at all if you can avoid it. But apparently, I would have thought that the greatest health problem would probably be skin irritation, like if you're sweating

in the corset in summer. It's not breathable. Also, there can be emotional benefits to wearing a corset because the increase in your stature often improves confidence

and authority and also the feeling of kind of confinement can be very reassuring to some people who suffer from anxiety. In the same principle as the kind of hugging machines work on autistic children. Wow. All of this though, Leetra, I would say should be your last minute recourse, shouldn't it? You should try other things first, stretches and so on, before you...

What, Pilates or something? Yeah, do yoga and Pilates and the room is full of hotties. That song, American Life. I heard American Life for the first time in ten years the other day. It's still properly funny. before you what pilates or something yeah do yoga and pilates and the room is full of hotties that song American Life I heard American Life for the first time in 10 years the other day it's still properly funny

so it stands out the rap I think it's the worst thing I've ever heard I drive my Mini Cooper and I'm feeling super duper fucking brilliant even Robbie Williams

would struggle to beat that is what is it I'm not a Christian and I'm not a Jew how does that bit go I'd like to something my own point of view I'm not a Christian and I'm not a Jew. How does that bit go? I'd like to something my own point of view. I'm not a Christian and I'm not a Jew.

But she practices Kabbalah, which is a branch of Judaism. And she was raised Catholic, so she's kind of both those things. No, but she's making the point, Helen, that she's neither. She's her own special thing. Got a nanny and a butler and a lawyer and a chef. It's a brilliant comedy song, is what it is. But anyway, Madonna was a corset wearer and she seems to have very erect carriage now, so she's in her 50s. Well, exactly.

Proof. Well, no, because as she says in the song she does yoga and Pilates as well. And the room is full of hotties. And the room is full of hotties. Is that because she's doing the Bikram yoga where they do it in a hot room? Then it is really hot, isn't it? Can we stop talking about Madonna? It's making me really angry. I do Pilates.

The room is not normally full of hotties. Normally full of other men like me who are a bit out of shape and in their 30s and one pregnant woman. And when I do Pilates the room is not normally full of Pilates normally full of other men like me who are a bit out of shape and in their 30s and one pregnant woman and when I do that doesn't wrap so well but when I do Pilates but it's mostly good apart from

there's one thing where you have to lie flat on your face on a hard floor there's the issue that lying flat is uncomfortable anyway because you're squidging your willy up basically then if you're a glasses wearer which i am you don't have to take your specs off as well so you can't see otherwise the glass digs into your eyes and then if you've got quite a big nose like i have also very uncomfortable maybe pilates is not for you so i'm just thinking the whole way through that one well i'm not thinking i'm the room's full of

hotties and i'm satisfied you're thinking my face is getting squashed as is my penis. Exactly. You and Madonna are really different. I've got a question. Email your question. To answer me this podcast at googlemail.com To answer me this podcast at googlemail.com To answer me this podcast at googlemail.com To answer me this podcast at googlemail.com

To answer me this podcast at googlemail.com So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday,

we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles.

And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. 10 minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Well, listeners, just by dint of the fact that you've got even this far into this episode of the show, we know that you love hours of free entertainment. Yeah, if that is you, then prepare yourself for some incredibly excellent news.

Because, you know Love Film, right? That service whereby you can stream films. It's like Netflix, but British. Well, listeners, the kind people of love film are offering you all a month's free trial of love film which means you can just gorge on stuff you haven't had to pay for or stream illegally and then you can just cancel it anytime you want that's right so normally it costs 4.99 a month to be a member of love film instant which means you literally hours and hours you can stream on your iPad for free forever. I've just got it as part of this trial

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there's a lot of American Office, and there's also a playlist called Something Saucy. One of them is a 1999 comedy thriller film called Come to Live, as in C-U-M. Wow. Nude nuns with big guns. Right. I don't know what more inducement you need to sign up to our love film trial.

Watch it for next week and report back. Kinky Killers, one and a half stars. This is a strong playlist. Sounds amazing. Answer me this, podcast.com slash love film. Speaking of films,

which we love, here is a question from Jamie who says, I'm casting child actors in a TV show which is filming all over the UK. Because of budget restrictions

and the amount of travel away from home, the child actors are chaperoned by their parents rather than licensed chaperones. This is obviously a good thing since the children are happier and the amount of travel away from home, the child actors are chaperoned by their parents rather than licensed chaperones. This is obviously a good thing, since the children are happier

and the parents get the thrill, pride and general happiness of seeing their child do well. I'm not sure. Seeing their child make money. I'm not sure if I was a child actor whether I wouldn't relish the opportunity to be away from my parents. Obviously, every child's different.

You were a child actor. Well, I was in a fringe theatre production of Macbeth With your mum With my mum For five alternate nights a week for three weeks But I just wonder whether some child actors would do better Without their parents being there Some might feel restricted and constrained by their parents

Well this is what Jamie is wondering too Because Jamie says Unfortunately having run the auditions There are a handful of children who though perfect for the role Come with parents who are simply terrible once we managed to detach the child

from the overprotective rude and obnoxious parent they excelled but a few days on set with a parent who constantly gets in the way doesn't understand

how to behave and is generally unpleasant will be a serious knock to morale especially since we will be shooting in difficult locations such as mountains

and forests difficult or easy places to bury a body so ollie asked me this is it okay to take away a child's chance of getting a good part in a tv show just because their parent is a twat yes i think that's totally fine this is very much like when i used to work at ticketmaster and i sometimes used to hang up on people because i didn't understand them that wasn't the right thing to do, but I did it knowing that really, the next 10 minutes I wasn't being paid enough for and I probably wasn't going to be able to help them.

Right. That's an immature and despicable attitude. You're making a selfish decision, but if you're aware that you're doing that, I don't think that's wrong from time to time. This is also somewhat Jamie's fault because had they gone for the official chaperones who had been personality tested, they wouldn't be in this mess.

I mean, they've got the money to throw at a mountain location. They can probably pay somebody 50 quid a day to stare at a child actor. On the other hand, these are people you've got to work with. If someone had a very difficult agent and they were an adult actor, you might well say, well, I like working with an actor, but their agent is so difficult to work with, I'm not going to do that again. Exactly right. It's just the same. Or an incompetent manager you know who knew

it was going to be really problematic yeah i think very often as well casting directors will go for an actor that may not be the most inspirational actor but they will turn up on time and let's not waste the production money by being strung out on drugs and therefore five hours later well you see i suppose there are some people's careers where you sort of think well they're good enough aren't they but why are they who they are and the conclusion must be that they must be great to have on set like someone like james mcavoy like he's fine isn't he he's absolutely fine apparently he's a lovely fellow but he would have to be because the talent isn't there in enough droves i think for him to be a horrible man i think people are going to be very

upset that you've cast any aspersion on james mcavoy really people bloody love james mcavoy he seems very nice he seems like the kind of person you'd go for a beer with. But, you know, why cast him as every man, every man? Simon Pegg as well. He's probably very easy to have around. He's not got the range. John Travolta apparently would only be on a set five hours a day, which is not long enough to do anything.

Particularly when he had to swap faces with Nicolas Cage all those times. And bum all those men. Well, this is the thing. Even if someone's partner is irritating that's a reason not to bring sometimes to cast someone i should think i'm sorry to return to her martin but madonna you know there's i reckon there are gigs guy richie didn't get because people thought oh he's gonna bring his wife to dinner oh yes he's not christian and she's not a jew. What will we feed her? Yeah, yes, this is good for the publicity for the film.

But do you really want to have to deal with Madonna and her children on the set? Because that's going to cost millions, isn't it? Well, actually, also, Ben Affleck has been quite outspoken about the fact that his relationship with Jennifer Lopez pretty much destroyed his career. And everyone just thought he was completely rubbish for 10 years. With precocious child actor parents, though, I still think the important thing is to get the best actor. I mean, I think you should only really go through with this step, Jamie, of not casting the best actor if the second best actor is almost as good. Yeah, or 80% as good.

Although there is this cliche of stage school parents who are difficult, it's quite important that the parents have an element of managing their children's careers, because otherwise they can go off the rails completely. Here's a question from Daniel from West Sussex, who says, when Google's logo changes for a special occasion or anniversary of something or someone, I'm always very interested and or amused.

Good, good. That's what it's for, isn't it? So, Ollie, answer me this. What was the first special Google logo creation for, and does someone have a job just simply to create them? Not just someone, some team. A team of, what, 13, I think it is, isn't it? There is a team of doodlers. Google doodlers, Daniel.

And they recently actually put a job application out that got written about in the press as if that itself was a news story. Get on it, Daniel, it could be you! Because I guess so many people do want that job and so many people are interested and or amused by the google doodles correct and want to create interest and or amusement watch and learn bing gonna have to up your game so what would they be the bing things or something bingalings doodles of celebrities with big dings big dings or wings yeah the bing wings um Bing sling. What, celebrities who've been injured? Yeah.

Right, great. There's two people called Bing. I mean, they'd run out after Bing Crosby. And Chandler Bing. And Bing, the child of Kate Hudson and Matt Bellamy of Muse. And Bada Bing from The Sopranos. Not a person, but a location. Whatever, they're going to run out within the week.

Yeah, I think that's right. But, you know, like Beats by Dre all of the olympians free earphones and then they dutifully wore them just before they dived into the swimming pool fancy that uh maybe bing could hand out slings and before you know it every time a celebrity injures themselves they would be papped wearing their bing sling microsoft are thinking hey they're advising that we associate our search engine with injury i don't think that's very good at all uh well anyway the very first google doodleodle Was in 1998 I didn't even use the internet then

Didn't have the capacity Wasn't it you who said that you found out about Google through me? Yeah, you were the first person I ever saw using Google That's so weird It was sensational That is a significant moment in our lives There I was utilising the technology Which would allow listeners to email us in future life

Early adopter, Olly Mann The first one anyway was for the Burning Man festival in 1998 yes which nowadays wouldn't qualify would it oh I think it would

I don't think like the 50th anniversary of Burning Man but not just a festival no but sometimes they do the 161st anniversary of the publication of a book

but that's shit when they do that like they did one for the 122nd birthday of Charlie Chaplin hey 122nd is a real landmark that's just obviously was the case like they did one for the 122nd birthday of charlie chaplin hey 122nd is a real landmark that's just obviously was the case that someone in the team was like hey guys i've got a really cool idea for a video for charlie chaplin's birthday let's do it for

his 125th birthday oh let's not i can't sit on it for four years bing might steal it so they did it 122nd but that's not an anniversary is it whereas 50th anniversary of lego that was quite a good one i thought yeah but you can't Always have the Big anniversaries If you're trying to do Several hundred of these A year And they do them For different countries

As well 250 a year But some of them Must be more difficult Than others as well The ones that involve Animation and taking you Through to a little game

And all of that There is an internal Department anyway That does these things That is headed up By Dennis Huang Who has been doing them For 13 years Wow He was an intern at google and

then he uh ended up taking over the doodles when he came up with an idea for a couple of them and there is a line in his wikipedia biog which i believe is probably self-written uh because it talks about the high school that he went to right and then it says his doodles during these years were frowned upon but are now his source of income and pleasure so fuck you exactly isn't that so bitter they might have got that from an interview though it's there are some wikipedia pages where it obviously has been cut and paste from quite a crappy source i remember reading the one for broadchurch whilst broadchurch was still being broadcast by now they might have put spoilers up because it's finished and for every character it was like but does he know something about the murder bob is the town policeman but does he have a secret he's not telling anyone yeah not dictionary

level sourcing i'm saying no there's a problem isn't it with crowdsourcing yeah you need to rewrite it in the correct style where it's a bit dry when albert einstein was at school people used to criticize him for his misuse of the word relativity but he had his own back but does he have a secret he's not telling in this time of purse strings tightening the internet's a smorgasbord of fabulous three things like showbiz news, no need for magazines, stalking your old school friends, videos of fat kids falling over,

stealing films and music, sharing photos of your nan, filing your tax return. But by far my favourite free thing to type Is answer me this into Skype Here's a question from Tom from Colchester Who says, in the past, I've seen polling stations in schools Church halls, libraries, bowls, clubs

And a variety of other places What a man of the world you are But Ollie, answer me this Is there a rule about specific locations and polling stations? There are plenty. For instance, must sharpen pencils to a particular standard.

And only 8B pencils, no 2B, they'll smudge. Which is weird that it's pencils at all. Surely pencils you can rub out, it should be pens. I always think this. The pens would run out and break all the time. And, says Tom,

could I register my house as a polling station To avoid having to leave the living room on election day Not for that reason Why don't you do postal votes if that's what you want Soon they'll be online or text voting Yeah no no you're absolutely right I mean the postal vote is effectively registering your house as a polling station isn't it Whereas if you actually wanted other people to come to your house

That is a lot of admin Because you have to have all these people who are volunteering And they man the doors and they set up all those screens. Exactly. It's a legislative nightmare. And the thing is, you can't just apply

to have your place be a polling place. What happens is every four years, your local council reviews all of the polling districts and polling places. As part of that review, they look into accessibility,

they look into any possible accusations of corruption and they assess whether there's any indication that people were led in a particular political persuasion. So, for example, you may have a very well kitted out Conservative Association headquarters or Working Man's Club, but those would be inappropriate places to have a polling booth. I suppose it would seem a little bit influential. It would seem a little bit biased. So your house is unlikely to be free from political persuasion in the way that a school hall is.

Oh, but bowls clubs, come on, they're hotbeds of communism. So it's unlikely that your local council, in reviewing the polling stations they currently have, would be identifying issues that your house would be the answer to. And therefore, even if you wrote to them saying, could you please consider my house, it's unlikely that house would be the answer to and therefore even if you wrote to them saying could you please consider my house it's unlikely that you'd be the backup choice maybe if you lived in a remote village where there are not that many residents and very few public spaces and you had the biggest house then they'd let you i think that's right i think

colchester isn't that place though it seems quite busy and there's a university there that's got a lot of room yeah that's right also there are That's got a lot of room. Yeah, that's right. Also, there are very specific rules about once you've chosen the destination for the polling place to be, how the room is laid out. There is a 50-page PDF on this matter. Why can't they just do a single-page diagram? Well, to be fair, the diagrams themselves,

if you cut them out and pasted them onto one page, would be a page. But there's a lot of supplementary information. For example, the polling booths themselves need to be arranged to ensure that they're accessible to voters, yet fully visible to polling station staff, whilst maintaining the secrecy of the vote. So no funny business.

Exactly. I don't want people to be able to get frisky in there. Which needs to be best use of light as well. Yes, yes. So you don't vote for the wrong person because it's so dark exactly uh and um the most important thing is the secrecy um so again in a private residence how do you guarantee that you haven't wired the place with weird cameras but it says in the guidebook that if on the day the key holder hasn't turned up as apparently happens you know once every general election somewhere in the country that's a democratic nightmare the key

holder will be asleep and not make it or dead if that or dead yeah i somewhere in the country That's a democratic nightmare The key holder will be asleep and not make it Or dead If that happens It says the most important thing Is the right of the public to vote From 7am and the secrecy So they would recommend in that situation Using a car

Use someone's private car Because it maintains secrecy And the public can vote from 7am That is effectively private property isn't it So in dire circumstances perhaps your house could be used Or you could set up one of those booth sized tents That people use for getting changed on the beach I might need to have those in reserve though are you

Yeah but you could pop up to a pound shop and buy one now At 7am See tricky Use a car Maybe they need to supply one of those along with the ballot boxes. Maybe. Or maybe car is just sensible, Helen. And if the polling station is in a school, does that mean that the pupils get the day off?

No, I don't think it does, actually. No. I think it means that they can't get into their assembly room for a day. Oh, what a tragedy. Well, how did you feel about school assembly? Because sometimes it was the highlight of the day, but you don't know that until the day is finished. There was a girl that I was a friend with at school that used to wank off her boyfriend in assembly.

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