Answer Me This! - AMT258: Plant-Murder, Presents for Presidents, and Dumbo

Episode Date: May 23, 2013

Plant-Murder, Presents for Presidents, and Dumbo Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is Great Gatsby greater than the Great British Bake Off? Has to be this, has to be this Will Virgin Galactic ever actually take off? Has to be this, has to be this Helen and Ollie, has to be this Before you write in, listeners, with the very impassioned defence of either the Great Gatsby or the Great British Bake Off, thinking that I do have a side, I don't. I am ambivalent about both to pretty much an equal extent. So save yourselves.

We are aware that Virgin Galactic has been running test flights. So don't tell us that. But realistically... None of us are going to get on it in our lifetimes, are we? That's it. Richard Branson is going to live till he's 250, so he'll be okay. Yeah, I mean, what we're asking in essence is, is it going to be everything it's cracked up to be?

But obviously that's hard to encapsulate in a rhyming couplet. just so you know there's always more detail beneath the surface when you say that but when people write in saying why do you never answer the questions during the couplet it's really because uh you can sort that out in your own time yeah you can hear the results now you just end up with a lot of footnotes it's like the director's commentary but this is actually the show so without further ado let's move on to a question matter it is from jack from leeds who says i'm going down to london by bus at the end of the month to see an all-night film marathon the program will finish at about 10 a.m then i'll be waiting until about five for my bus back up to leeds oh obviously i'll be horribly horribly tired after more than 26 hours awake so ollie answer me

this where can i catch a nap in central London? My only thought would be Starbucks. Well, I think you could probably get away with an hour in Starbucks. Oh, actually, there is a branch that is just north of Oxford Circus, on the right, as you go up Upper Regent Street. They've got a downstairs, and the staff are almost never there. No one checks. And it's windowless, so it'd probably seem like permanent night, if you wanted.

And they've got banquets, so you could just lie down. Yeah, it's funny that, isn't it? Sometimes you just find a little black spot, almost. A staff black spot. There's a Costa in German Street, where I feel so confident that no one is going to go down into the dungeon bit. You'd have a wank. No, that I happily leave my iPad on display whilst I go for a wee.

Whoa! Because I'm just like, no one's down here. That is asking for trouble. In a way. If the weather is fine, then the obvious solution jack is to go to one of the parks and uh sit under the shade of a shady tree with your head on your luggage so that no one nicks it and have a lovely dose or go to a library but if you do go to a library go to one of the slightly shit ones but make sure it has a toilet the other thing as well i would say you know if you analyze what you need

for a comfy sleep you know a dark room no one bothering you, a comfy seat. I think a cinema is sounding pretty good. Yes, that's what I was thinking. Go to the Prince Charles Cinema and just have a lovely nap. Or just doze off during your all-night film marathon because, frankly, why do you need to stay up all night watching films? I mean, it's a romantic idea, but by four in the morning you'll probably fall asleep anyway.

Yeah, that's true. When Martin and I went to the Twin Peaks Marathon at the Battersea Arts Centre, we did leave around 3am. Just because you couldn't hack it. Well, no, Battersea Arts Centre, we did leave around 3am Even though, well no It's just like, we've had enough now, even though We were just about to Get to the really good three episode arc where they reveal Who done it, it's very different going to bed

Late than pulling an all-nighter isn't it Yes, I mean I think broadly speaking I understand why films tend To be between 90 minutes and three hours long I think that's a good length I don't think three hours long is a good length. You say that, but actually in the old days, when you got a three hour film,

including when Titanic came out in a lot of places, they actually used to put an interval in it. Yes. It's only in the last 15 years that you've been expected to sit there for three or three and a half hours for the whole thing without that. Some films with an interval, beautiful Sunday afternoon, that, isn't it?

One thing you could have done in the olden days, but you can't now, is just sit on the circle line while it goes round and round and round and round. Why can't you do that anymore? Because it's not a circle anymore. Is there not a perfect circle anywhere on the underground? No. Good God.

Boris, can you be looking into this, please? This is a priority. Broken the beautiful symmetry of London with this stupid yellow head. Hello. This is James in the noodle bar. Helen and Ollie, answer me this. I've just called a lady i used to know a dick

bag um and we were discussing whether a dick bag is it a bag that you might find adjacent to such attached to a dick i like a bag with some balls in it or is it a bag full of dicks? And irrespective of the answer, is it an appropriate thing to call a lady who you used to know and whose floor you might have been tick on? I think that very much depends on the lady. It's never appropriate to have called the Queen Mother a dick bag. I think I've got quite a thick skin,

but I might be a little bit perturbed. I'm not sure you're really a lady. You don't subscribe to these values of ladylike behaviour. I wear skirts. You only today have twice used the phrase in front of me, pulling my dick. But why is everyone pulling my dick, Ollie? Why do they pull it so hard? It's nice.

So I'd feel comfortable calling you a dickbag in theory, but I wouldn't. The thing is, it's a humorous phrase, isn't it? So if I'm actually angry with you, I'd say to you, why are you being such... I'd probably say something really soft, like silly cow, which would be much more offensive. That's quite sexist. Exactly. Whereas actually, if I said, oh, Helen's not being a dickbag,

then that's kind of funny and you'd probably smile, and then that's not the same. There's two views on this, aren't there? First of all is that it's not female-gendered, so if you call a woman a female insult, that's very sexist. But on the other hand, describing a male characteristic to a woman is equally sexist, isn't it? Because you're denigrating the aspects of a femininity

in service of masculine insults. They get offended when you call them the C-bomb about their feminine parts, and now they get offended when you call them the D-bag. OK, so dealing with the other part of the question is a little bit easier. easier i mean it either is or isn't testicles or a bag of penises it makes more sense for it to be a bag of penises doesn't it but then it'd be a dick's bag actually i'd never considered that it was the testicles but i would argue that actually that does make more sense rather than what you said but then i would call someone a ball bag if that's

yeah what i was going for but a ball bag is a dick bag, really, is it not? It may be dick adjacent, Ollie, but it's not the dick bag. I mean, the dick bag implies that the bag is a part of the dick or for the dick storage. If I'm honest, if I really think about what my mind's eye a dick bag is,

it's probably just one dick, actually. It's a bag for one dick, like a sheath. Like a horse has. A horse has got a kind of dick. A hairy dick bag. Sort dick like a sheath. Like a horse has. Yeah. A horse has got a kind of dick a hairy dick bag. Sort of like a foreskin. Appreciate the human penis doesn't retract fully

into the foreskin but if you know in that sense. Yeah no I guess it is a bit like a foreskin. Yeah. Or like one of those bags that carries a single

tennis racket. That's quite a sophisticated item to be called in anger. I'm trying to raise the tone but I don't know why. We're talking about dick bags. Controversial third option

of course is that it could be the female part, could it not? The lady's purse. So the lady's purse is for stowing a penis. Yes. So you're calling someone a vagina. Actually, I find that very sexist. I'm not saying it's for storage, but I'm saying for temporary accommodation of a penis.

So is it possible that they mean vagina? You're a vagina. Yeah, that's interesting, actually. I don't think this is helping because we're not coming down on one answer. Right, I'm going to say scrotum. Martin, what are you going to say? I'm going to say container for a single penis.

And you're going to say storage. Right, so therefore that's what it is. Two against one. A dick bag is for the temporary or full-term storage of a man's genitals. Good. Yep. Glad to have sorted that out.

Yeah, that's good, isn't it? We do the important stuff on this show. Who needs Radio 4? If you've got a question, email your question to answer me, this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me, this podcast at googlemail.com

Let's talk about love. We've got this question from Chris from New from Chris I thought that was a reasonable approximation Of a 70s soul singer type cliche We all knew what I was going for Sounded like you were burping This is from Chris from New Zealand Who says I need your opinion on something

I can't afford to give you that I have two friends Let's call them John and Jane They dated for a few years at high school And they were great together Earlier this year Jane decided she wanted to go to Camp America And was successful in getting in

Then John and Jane decided to break up Over this time While she was in America So they didn't have to worry about each other So they could quote Learn more about each other That doesn't work when you're on different continents. So they could, quote, learn more about each other. That doesn't work when you're on different continents. It doesn't really, does it?

You learn more about yourselves and other people's genitals. And so the time apart wasn't so tough. I was fine with this. Good, because they did it for you. That's very gracious of you, Chris, since you have absolutely no role to play in the intimacy of their relationship whatsoever. Yeah, he's not one of John or Jane,

is he? No, he's not. He is a bystander. That's right. Okay. Although, but it's good to know that he was fine with it, then he got not fine with it. I sense that something must have changed. What happened? However, continues Chris, I discovered that they have since started a fuck buddy relationship.

How dare they, these people that used to love each other, continuing their special friendship. They hang out, just the two of them, a lot. Whoa. Outrageous. Madness. He often refers to her as, quote, my girlfriend, even though she isn't.

She kind of is, though. And it's really weird, five exclamation marks. But it kind of isn't. No, it's not weird, is it? And also, former girlfriend is a cumbersome thing to say. Like President Clinton is always President Clinton. It's not going to be former President Clinton. Maybe John could say, this is my past and perhaps future girlfriend.

Yeah, cumbersome. Is that all Chris has got to say? What is Chris's question? Helen, answer me this. Is this weird? No. You made it weird, Chris. And what should I do?

Nothing. Should I get in the way? No. Leave it be? Yes Offer a threesome? No Please help me guys

I don't know how to help you Chris Is he trying to tell us He wants the threesome With these two I think he kind of Inadvertently let that slip Even though it was supposed To be a humorous joke

At the end Why isn't John calling me His girlfriend? Yeah I think there might be An element of this Chris Yeah maybe if I really If I got off with John That would make Jane

Really jealous lol I'm baffled Baffled Chris As to why you think You have some need To intervene in this I think there might be an element of this, Chris. Yeah, maybe if I got off with John, that would make Jane really jealous, LOL. I'm baffled, baffled, Chris, as to why you think you have some need to intervene in this. I mean, I agree with you. I think Chris has issues and it's nothing to do with him. However, myself and my girlfriend went to school with a mutual best friend. We went out briefly when we were 16.

When we got together again when we were 22 not knowing if we were going to be as john and jane are fuck buddies or whether we were going to have a long term relationship we were concerned about how we told our mutual friend because we knew that he would be saying oh god it didn't work last time and oh god are you sure you want to do this and it's like we were perfectly fine but we knew that his reaction would be difficult so oh God, it didn't work last time. And oh God, are you sure you want to do this? And it's like, we were perfectly fine, but we knew that his reaction would be difficult. So I think Chris is actually sort of living the very issues that we were concerned that our mutual friend might feel.

Okay. He's confused by it somehow because his two friends, he thought it was over. He got his head around that. Now they're back together, but they're not. Maybe he is worried on some level about Jane's feelings, for example, in the long term. And, and you know maybe he's actually being nice by being concerned even though as you say his concern is misplaced well yeah i just don't really

understand why this is a problem for him why his friend's private life is a problem he said these people went out for several years there's a lot of history there yeah it's not a particular shock that if they're on the same continent they might have rekindled some of their relationships it sounds like they didn't break up through mutual antipathy yeah i guess he probably thinks oh god well they're back on the same continent why don't they just get back together or not the truth is relationships can be more messy than that can't they chris in reality i mean when chris says he's referring to her as his girlfriend even though she isn't how does chris know that she isn't yeah how do you quantify that does he mean even though she isn't. How does Chris know that she isn't?

Yeah, how do you quantify that? Does he mean even though she wasn't? Yeah. He needs to reconcile himself to the fact that things change. Yeah, maybe she goes in and out of girlfriend status as the UK economy does a Moody's rating. Hmm.

You know, it's not for keeps. You can assume that you're a girlfriend. Next week, you're not a girlfriend. You just got to go with it, Chris, seeing as it's none of your business. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum.

Bum, bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Helen, Ollie, answer me this. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Don't ridicule me and don't take the piss. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Give me a clue to what I'm asking Then in your awesome knowledge I'll be basking

But in summer I'm so alone No one to email and no one to phone Where can I get new friends from? Answer me inPodcast.com So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car.

On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Time for a question from Mark from Columbia, Missouri, who says, Recently, I moved about 300 miles to be closer to my family. My sister-in-law gave me an indoor plant as a housewarming gift. Herein lies the problem.

I have a green thumb, but I dislike the particular type of plant that she gave me. Well, that's what chainsaws are for. The plant was expensive, but one of those that refuses to die so helen answered me this how do i commit murder on the plants not the sister-in-law and get away with it apparently one of the easiest ways is to overwater it especially with hot water yeah and a few plants like to be waterlogged so she might notice but she can't really rectify over watering whereas under watering like trying to dry it out that. So she might notice, but she can't really rectify over-watering,

whereas under-watering, like trying to dry it out, she could. It's the perfect crime, isn't it? Because even if she catches you in the act, watering can in hand, she won't question it. It's a normal thing to do.

It's a normal thing. Oh, hello, I'm just watering your plant that you gave me because I love it so much. Yeah, well, other options that people suggest include watering it with bleach, which will make your house smell, and she would, I think, notice that more. Vinegar or salt water as well, apparently.

I'm not sure any of these are brilliant, actually, because I think the whole plan of killing the plant is maybe not best advice. The reason for that is, if she says what happens to the plant, you say, oh, it died, she may buy you another one. You haven't dealt with the fact

that you don't like the fucking plant. I think there is a danger that if you kill or break the plant, your sister-in-law will buy you another one. I don't think she'd buy you a third one if you'd proven so careless and useless especially if it is an expensive plant i think the best thing is deliberately so she sees but not in a way that she'd complain about just put it in a place where you don't really see it oh yeah like outside by the bins maybe someone will take it away that's maybe a bit far and perhaps it's not going to get a lot of natural light so it will be slowly dying over time there's there's a thing if you put it in the wrong conditions if it's a sun

loving plant put it in the shade or you can look up on on the internet this type of plant and you google begonia problems say if it's a begonia and if they're like oh your begonia is getting too much sunlight you'd be like aha i'm gonna put it in the sun right so do the opposite of what they say you need to do to cure your plant of an illness. Could it accidentally, on purpose, fall out of the window as well? Absolutely it could. You know, Ollie, plants are always moving of their own accord in a very self-destructive way. There are suicidal plants out there.

It's the biggest cause of death amongst plants. Well, if you've got a pet, you could say that it was the pet that did it. Or if you've got a kid, you could say it was the kid that did it. Yeah, or you could tell her you're allergic to it and then she wouldn't buy you another one. I actually am sentimental about plants rather than aesthetic weirdly my dad's family run a butcher shop yes still do yes did since 1940 something my mom's mother was and is a customer of that butcher shop in fact that's how my parents met

my mother was going there to buy some chicken for her mother and started speaking to my dad who was working in the shop. I think you can revise this and answer me this 200 if you want. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. I think maybe your grandma talks about it. Yeah, you're right. My grandmother's been a client of that butcher shop for ages. And in the 1960s, my dad's mother gave all of the home delivery clients

a free plant with their home delivery as a you know thank you for i think it was probably a rosh hashanah present and um my grandmother my mother's mother has kept this plant which was given to her by my father's mother alive since the 1960s of course now it has significance only really to me like the mousetrap that people want the mousetrap to keep going just because the mousetrap has kept going for so long even if they don't like the mousetrap. Well, I suppose for my mum's mum, that's the only significance it has is the longevity. For me though, uniquely,

it is a present given from my paternal grandmother to my maternal grandmother before they even knew that each other would become that. So for me, it has incredible significance. I'd like to have that plant in 50 years and say to my grandchildren, your great-great-grandmother gave this to your great-great-grandmother

and I'm still keeping it alive, but I can't. She gives me a cutting from it every year and it always fucking dies. It's like that plant's cutting is your sibling and you don't want a sibling because it's competition. No, I don't.

That's right, yeah. That's probably it. Maybe there is like a rival Little Shop of Horrors style Olly Mann disaster that could come out of the birthing of this plant if I keep it alive for too long. Yeah yeah maybe you should start giving the plant a little cutting of yourself every year like a toenail clipping and see if it can grow a new ollie man for a spare

hi helen and ollie from newcastle i'm just reading on the internet that president obama um receives gifts of politicians and of royal members and family and etc. And he's not allowed to accept them. So what is the actual point, Helen and Ollie? Answer me this. It's actually giving them presents because they're not allowed to use them. Like he literally got a gold-carried watch for his wife that's worth £48,000 and it's got to stay in a locker. I don't get it.

Is Barack Obama not even allowed Christmas and birthday presents without it being problematic politically? Well, never mind problematic politically, there's problems for security. But you couldn't even have a cracker in the White House because they might think guns were being fired. Well, basically, there was a cracker in the White House until Obama got in. What, what? No, but there's a security issue about getting anything in,

but that doesn't mean that you can't. But the thing is, presidents over time have attracted presents from ordinary members of the public who feel like as their representatives they deserve the sort of presidential equivalent of the bottle of whiskey you give the postman at christmas i don't think you need to worry it's not like teachers where at the end of christmas term you think oh to give them a box of nice biscuits or something because they're underpaid and they're very overstretched yeah the president obviously it's a difficult job yes but it has its perks it does air force one being one of them um but if you send for example food drink anything perishable yep um and colognes anything that gets applied to the skin that gets instantly destroyed

the moment it reaches the white house they cannot let it through security that was kind of like when i had to filter the present sent to the bbc news. Oh, really? Anything perishable they didn't get? Food. Unless it was a hamper from Harrods. Sophie Raworth was fine with eating those. Interesting. But not the half-empty box of Nesquik. Yeah, yeah, well, that's the thing. You'd assume that someone who's weird enough to send a half-empty box of Nesquik to Sophie Raworth probably has wanked in it.

So I think it's a reasonable precaution, isn't it? I think you'd hide it in a mini-milk or something. So yes, there's a brilliant little statement on the White House website, which is basically written for the slightly odd people who send presents to the President, which says, Whilst President Obama, the First Lady, Vice President Biden and Dr Biden appreciate your generosity, they request that instead you look to your local community for opportunities to assist your neighbours in need. I mean that just seems to me that sentence might as well finish with you massive idiots why are you sending us food and drink. I'm

not sure whether the Bidens are going to be quite as stringent as the Obamas. I bet the Bidens would love a bit more attention. So are there any punter gifts that they will accept though? Yeah letters. That's not a gift. Well you know a letter and a photograph of the moment that uh the president met your disabled daughter that you wanted to send i mean things like teddy bears no people always send basically no basically no there could be bombs that's why they send them off to the children's hospital they give them to charities and stuff which is you know the same thing that the queen does here um but what's brilliant is if you do want to send a package to the white house it does also specify on the sides that you do use the full address it's like really what kind of lazy postman is like the white house never

heard of it mate what's the postcode they probably mean the white house in seven oaks in kent and it you can even put the white house pennsylvania avenue northwest but because you haven't put the zip code it might not reach them i mean would that really ever ever happen so for the issue of foreign gifts though then there's a whole different basket of worms. You often get a basket of worms from some of those foreign dignitaries, don't you? It's all they've got. I think exactly. Some countries where they're struggling to really raise much capital to buy anything else.

I mean, if Cyprus at the moment gave you a box full of worms, you'd be very grateful. And also in Mexico, they could send you a box full of tequila worms. So when it comes to these gifts, the reason they give them, Sarah, is because there's a tradition of giving them. So it's embarrassing if you're the first politician to turn up empty-handed. It is not supposed to be really a gift to the president.

It's a gift really to the nation that you're visiting. So it's like when you turn up at a dinner party and you're just thinking, it's embarrassing to turn up with nothing. Obama was given from Berlusconi in one year alone 12 silk ties. Eh? One for every month that they met.

He's such a bellend, isn't he, Berlusconi? That's like the real dad gift to give to Obama. So is there any problem with those gifts being seen as bribes? Or having financial value that the president is not really allowed to accept? Yes, there's a huge issue.

And that's why they're seen as gifts to the nation if they're over a certain value. So the value gets set by this bureaucratic body at every term of a new president. And they get to decide if it's over a certain value, whether it becomes part of the presidential library museum collection, or whether the president and the first lady should be entitled to offer to buy it at a fair market price. Okay, so that body, they could be really jaundiced against a particular president. So they could say, oh yeah, let's give George Bush a £10,000 gift allowance. Let's give the Obamas £10.

Yeah, they could be. But actually, it must be quite difficult if you're given a beautiful watch by the King of Jordan and then you think, okay, I've got to declare that because it's worth $100,000. Yeah. And then the gift units say, okay, well, we can put it in the presidential archive or you can buy it for $100,000. It's that little bit harder, isn't it, when you've had something for free for a time,

when you've had your free trial, as it were, quite hard to then say, actually, yeah, I'm not going to buy it. I reckon presidents have probably spent tens of thousands of dollars on things they would otherwise not buy because they were given to them by the pope or whatever like ties like ties now that berlusconi's gone yeah he's got to buy his own ties actually to be honest i would i wouldn't trust berlusconi with much but i would trust him to source a good italian silk tie fair enough yeah and a good underage Italian woman. And a prostitute to tie her up with. I don't know about you, listeners, but sometimes I reach the end of a podcast with a wanton craving for more.

In such moments, I confess, I have recourse to the Answer Me This app on the iPhone and additionally in times of dire need, Android, upon which I have indulged in the weekly bonus material and over three hours of best bits. Here's a question from Sam and Fox, who are currently in Manhattan,

but normally live in London. And they say, we are currently on holiday in the US city of New York. We visited the Brooklyn area of Dumbo, and my girlfriend swears that it is named after the big-eared Disney elephant. So Helen, answer me this. Which came first, the Disney character Dumbo or the New York suburb Dumbo? And are the

two related? It's down under the Brooklyn Overpass or something. Down under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass. So it's just an acronym. But I think had the elephant not existed because the name dumbo was from 78 and the disney film was from 41 they might not have chosen that acronym right because

you could just call it umbo couldn't you don't need the down um but apparently they chose the name to deter property developers because it was an area that had been previously industrial and then a lot of artists went and lived in the uh industrial buildings that were no longer being used and then gentrification they saw was encroaching and they thought you know we'll get rid of them a name that makes it sound like a shit place didn't work of course so formerly it was called fulton's landing and also rapai olympia gareville or walentersville so it had quite a lot of crappy names i think you'll find walentersville was the original title of the disney film as well and it used to be an area where they manufactured boxes and Brillo pads. And now hipsters.

Is it? Is it quite a trendy area? It's where Dan Humphrey and his annoying dad lived in Gossip Girl. That was where that was set. You see, now this is the thing that they couldn't have really accounted for when they decided to name the suburb after the film in some way, which is, of course, that adults have become infantilised and nostalgic for childhood uh entertainment so actually actually you're making this almost enduring appeal now by

naming it after a classic animation an enduring appeal to hipsters yeah and uh they have renamed cobble hill fantasia after the disney is that really true of course not i could believe that because the thing is that there are parts of america that are newer than Disney films, aren't they? It's not that unreasonable they might name them after... I mean, it is also an indigenous cultural achievement, isn't it? Yes. You know, whereas for us, it seems ridiculous that you name something after J.K. Rowling when you could name it after Dickens.

But if you're American, actually, Disney, quite a big deal. Yeah, but Disney is not a very New York-y thing, is it? No, that's true. Although, actually, Dumbo, they've got the racist crows, haven't they? They're quite New York. I've never seen an elephant fly! They'd go and live in Dumbo, those guys. They probably couldn't afford it now.

I, in fact, have never seen Dumbo. I've never seen Dumbo. And I think the reason I never saw it was, even as a Disney-obsessed child, I knew my statutory rights. And I remember picking up the VHS box, and it said on the back, length, 61 minutes, a prox. Is that good or bad?

Bad. Sure. A prox or not, I can get myself Pinocchio, which is, what, 92 minutes. Oh, so you were seeing the financial value broken down per minute? Yes. And young Jew Olly Mann, Disney fan, went for the good value Disney. Absolutely. But in fact, I had cottoned on to a financial mechanic behind Dumbo in the first place.

Apparently, the Walt Disney Company actually deliberately made a short feature, as short as they could make it, to recoup some profits that they'd lost on Fantasia, which had been a massive flop. Fantasia was a flop. Yeah. What a surprise, eh?

What do kids love? Broomsticks and classical music. A question of hygiene now from Steve, who says, at work work in the gents toilets there are sinks with the urinals around the corner pretty much a standard arrangement i think sinks and urinals i thought you were supposed to wash your hands in the same anyway says steve i had a cup of coffee and on my way to our locker room i popped into the gents to do my

business why are you doing your business in the gents? Don't they give you a desk? It's called hot desking, aren't they? I placed the cup of coffee by the sink, did my deed, washed my hands, then left with my coffee. Right. On the way out, I bumped into a female colleague

who was about to piss in the Orion. Sorry, no. Who was horrified that I'd gone into the gents with my coffee. Oh, yeah. It's not like I'm making coffee with toilet water or that there are poo or pee particles floating around to fall in my coffee. Well, there are if you're flushing,

then the small water droplets do go about six feet. Well, also, I mean, I know he specified that he put his cup of coffee on the sink, which is around the corner from the urinals. But if she's a lady that has never been into the men's toilets, which is probably most of the ladies who work in your office. Unless you work in Ali McBeal's office. She might not know that. She might be thinking, oh, did he just rest that cup of coffee on the top of the ladies who work in your office unless you work in ali mcbeal's office she might not know that she might be thinking or did he just rest that cup of coffee on the top of the toilet yeah

and then there could potentially be poo and pee particles couldn't there that's the thing it's it's in a toilet you know the air just doesn't seem that edible yeah or drinkable yeah steve says ollie answer me this is it really bad form to do this i take your coffee into the loo well actually the way you just put your little ie adjunct onto i.e take your coffee into the loo well actually the way you just put your little ie adjunct onto the end there take your coffee into the loo when you look at it that point of view if you're actually taking it in to drink it on the loo it's not for everyone but i actually i i think that's fine i'm happy to support that sometimes you have no choice if you're in a public place and you knew that if you left it outside it would get thrown away well it's the

takeaway cup thing as well you know if you popped popped into starbucks or a tax-paying coffee shop on the way into work you might then you know go into the cubicle and put it down as you say on the cistern uh if it's there whilst you're doing your your business the only times i've been into starbucks in the last few years have been to use their toilet exactly and if i can do that without buying a drink that's fine sometimes i'll just sit by someone else's old cup. I'm just saying, if the cup's there on the system next to you and you're doing a bit of a... You're doing a seven-minuter. I can see that you might be tempted to take a swig.

I suppose all of those particles are present in the same room as your mouth. Exactly. But also the irony is, bathrooms are often the cleanest place in an office. Whoa there, Tiger. What are you saying? Well, because they're cleaned regularly, aren't they? Because they're a place where an office. Whoa there, Tiger. What are you saying? Well, because they're cleaned regularly, aren't they? Because they're a place where you go and do number twos.

There's that little checklist on the back of the door in a busy office. Someone comes in every hour and looks at it. Your desk, your computer at your desk might get cleaned once a fortnight. And that's going to have loads of, not literally crap. Well, you do crap on your keyboard, don't you?

Well, I do. You like to get it onto the P. I think the bottom line, if you'll excuse the pun uh is that toilet etiquette is not always rational and logical it's like when someone pisses on the seat you go in it wasn't your piss on the seat it's probably best to clean up the piss on the seat because the person who's going in next will assume you've pissed on the seat and left it there you're such a utilitarian it's amazing no but ollie man doesn't clean up the piss on the seat i do sometimes but i but I... It's because I hected you about it. Yeah, you did.

Be the better man, I said. I said to Helen proudly that I just left the piss there because it wasn't mine and the woman who looked at me sceptically as you walked in. Pay it forward, Olly. Well, no, I think you're right. Piss it forward. No, I think it's wrong.

I think it's illogical, but I think you're right that it's worth doing just to make everyone's life easier. Olly, for evil to triumph, it only takes good men to stand by. Well, listeners, for silence to triumph, all only takes good men to stand by. Well, listeners, for silence to triumph, all it takes for you is not sending us your questions. So please email, phone or Skype. Our contact details are on our website. AnswerMeThisPodcast.com

Where you can also hit the button to get our free love film trial for a month of viewing pleasure. I have been watching a lot of The West Wing on love film, which I enjoy just purely because every time Martinin sheen stands up a trumpet appears to play which i think is a kind of patriotic trumpet helen not a wah-wah trumpet okay and not a kind of herb alpert to on a brass type trumpet bye