Answer Me This! - AMT260: Helium, Red Bull and Dressing to the Left

Episode Date: June 6, 2013

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Would the telegraph give us cash for questions? Answer me this, answer me this Am I proof of the failure of natural selection? Answer me this, answer me this Helen and Ollie, answer me this And now on Answer Me This, it's time for Desert Island Discs Hello, I'm Kirsty Young, the breathiest scottish person in the world and my guest today is you because you've given us lots of feedback on our discussion about desert island discs last

week and specifically uh the matter of what your luxury item would be uh we put this out on our facebook wall facebook.com slash answer me this what would be your luxury item we've had some great responses helen and some rubbish ones as well where people did not play by the rules which is no transport no communications no other people other than that you were great you guys that's always the case on radio though generally isn't it when they say we've had some brilliant responses and then they read some out you're absolutely right the implicit thing is always some of them were really crap well here are some of those responses uh alex uh says that uh he would bring jammy wagon wheels right as his luxury item i'm not sure they would really taste that great with raw fish which is the thing that you're going to be eating most of the time and brine but they don't taste that

good anyway as an adult if you go and eat a wagon wheel it does not taste like the wagon wheels of your childhood dreams but the thing about wagon wheels is they don't ever seem to biodegrade. I think they're contravening the raft-making materials rule by taking wagon wheels. Yeah, they are buoyant. Well, Robert has really thought it through, though. He says he would bring as his luxury item either a solar-powered GPS distress beacon or a flashlight. Smart man. Either a life of solitude or immediate rescue.

Yeah, and also someone called Wayne said he would take all the drugs. I thought it was a reasonable response. And Luce has said that she would take a lifetime supply of jalapenos. Jalapenos. I say jalapenos. It's pronounced jalapenos, though. Well, I say jalapenos. You just said jalapenos, though. Well, I say jalapenos. You just said jalapenos. Ah! Well, that would make eating sand and bits of seashells a little bit more appealing, I guess.

Hello, Helen and Ollie. This is George from Camberwell. Helen and Ollie, answer me this. Do you know that station between Baker Street and Edgeware Road on the Bakerloo line? How the hell do you say that name? Well, I am going to go on the authority of my friend Alex, who is the only person I know who regularly uses that station, and he would say Marlebone.

Marlebone. No, I say Marlebone. Well, I think that's okay as well, but it's not Mary Lebony. Now, the thing is, though, it is named after a church, isn't it, with Mary in the name? That's right. St Mary LeBourne. So, although it's wrong, it is legitimate, a church isn't it with mary in the name that's right so mary lebon so although it's wrong it is legitimate or at least completely sympathetic why a tourist would say

mary lebon yeah and i think actually that makes more sense than marlabone but it's not up to us is it like hoburn what's happening there oh god the tube network actually is a minefield for foreigners isn't it don't say that they'll think if they step on it they'll explode. But like, Leicester Square, we all know how to say Leicester but it looks like Leicester. Imagine if you went to Oxford Circus expecting

da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da and all you've got is those people proselytising. But you know, actually if you look at the logical way to pronounce

yeah, Holborn, Chiswick. Chiswick. Holborn's another river. Born being river. Yeah, so that's the bone in Marlbone. Yeah, it's the bone in marley bone yeah

maybe but it's the tyburn river which went to the gallows and marble arch because it's got bone in it uh it does sound a bit sexy doesn't it and we always went me and my mates when we played monopoly when we were teenagers when you got that chance that said take a trip to marla bone station that was about the sexiest thing that ever happened to you it was the closest thing you got to third base but like when people say changing at Baker Street, you know, because you go from the pink line to the brown line. Wow, I'd never heard that. That is filthy.

It is filthy. You hang with horrible people. That's pathetic. I already thought that Monopoly was an awful game and now I think it's even more depraved. There should be an over-18s warning on Monopoly boxes. Well, here is a question from Zainab who says, the ladies on ITV's Loose Women sit so comfortably on bar stools with no back support.

How do you know they sit so comfortably? It's just the showbiz smile. Exactly, they're given the appearance of sitting comfortably. Oh, the ballerinas really enjoy walking on their tippy toes. Zainab says, Ollie, answer me this, don't they get backache? Probably they do. But then they'd probably moan about it

again and again on Loose Women well yeah exactly it's subject material isn't it for a future episode but they wouldn't blame the stools because that would be

biting the hand that feeds yes I think that's right I mean it's like they attack celebrity culture and yet many of the Loose Women you know have they all look 20 years

younger than they did 20 years ago so clearly they've had some of the work that they're there to attack they have a desk in front of them that they can lean on I think sitting on a backless chair when you can lean forward

against something is not that uncomfortable what i would find uncomfortable if i were a presenter uh is sitting on a high chair you know like the kind of thing that people have breakfast bars yeah i always feel like i'm going to fall off those well actually talking about itv daytime shows when i do the paper review on Lorraine, they put us on those breakfast bar stools. And actually, it's a trick of the camera. It all looks like the three of us are around this tiny little sort of card table size thing. But actually, to get all three of us there and the newspapers, the way they have to do it is one of us is sitting about three foot away from the table.

So you're sitting on this breakfast stool, kind of marooned. And it is actually quite a delicate act, making it look like you're comfortable. But I guess that's the thing, isn't it? it all tv kind of is i also didn't like it when i used to do paper reviews on sky and they transferred the set from being desk based to being a low sofa i felt that was way too casual exposed very exposed yes and you couldn't really make a shield of the photocopies of the newspapers either yeah well nowadays you're not even supposed to have the photocopies on you're supposed to look behind you at the big plasma screen as if that's how we all read our newspapers.

No wonder the newspapers are going down the shitter if that's the only way you can read them, by looking behind you at a plasma screen and hoping that there is one there and it's displaying the paper of your choice. That is pretty much the future, isn't it? If you've got a question, email your question

to answer me this Podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this Podcast at googlemail.com It's great So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? It's great. iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with the Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Well, last week

we were talking about the popular liquid Coca-Cola. We bloody were. We got some very excited feedback from people who had found their names on bottles and some who hadn't. Some were passionately defending, weren't they, why they were excited when a friend of theirs had bought them a bottle that they could share. But, you know, we just see that feedback, listeners, and we just think, well, you're working for the man. What are you going to get in office at Coca-Cola if you're liking so much? But if you loved us talking about Coca-Cola last week, maybe you'll love this question about another sugary liquid, Red Bull. Oh, right. It's from Angel from Hamilton in Ontario, who says, Holly, answer me this.

Red Bull. How has this foul-tasting sugar and caffeine explosion drink become so big? Sponsoring Formula One cars, space trips, and a million other events around the world. I think you answer your own question in the second part of your question actually they've become so big by doing that sponsorship stuff really because usually it's the other way around isn't it like you might expect say fanta to become big and then start their own fanta flug tag are you saying that red bull thought flug tag first drink second yeah absolutely so the red bull drink itself is based on an energy drink

from thailand right which is why it's so sweet and disgusting and wrong apparently the tuk-tuk drivers used to drink it to keep them awake on long shifts around the city um and it was discovered if you can call this kind of colonialist discovery a discovery uh by um an entrepreneur who went there on business tried it and thought you know. Tried it and thought, you know, there's room for an energy drink in Europe and in America. Yeah, with bull bile in it. But, well, this is the thing. It took them years to develop the brand itself.

And right from the beginning, the brand was more important than the drink. Because we all know the drink tastes horrible. Always has tasted and looked like medicine. I have tried a sip and it was so disgusting, I never will have it again. Yeah, now I tried a whole can once to keep me up during the night when I was writing an extended essay about Patrick Marber.ber yeah pretty rock and roll and it tasted like your red bull

but sweeter it just made me look like i'd been on acid all week basically you'd never know that i'd been up all night writing an extended essay you would have thought that i'd been constantly clubbing for five days so it really made you all buzzing and that's part of the appeal as well it's aimed squarely at young men isn't it it? Yeah, my brother used to drink a lot when he was doing the stand-up circuit quite heavily and he was driving long distances late at night to get home from gigs, so his car footwell was full of empty Red Bulls.

Yeah. Well, it's addictive because it's a really strong caffeine mix. And it works. It does keep you up. I mean, I couldn't sleep, literally couldn't sleep for about a day and a half after I had it.

Did you get palpitations? No, it was only one can, but I definitely, I mean, I felt, I actually have, I say, I tell a lie when I say i've only had it once i've had it once since then and it was when someone gave it to me at a stag do without telling me that it was a mixer so they got me a red bull and whatever it was in a cocktail and actually i'd been drinking all night because it was a stag do it's not my 10th drink 10th drink and i felt amazing after it i did actually say God I feel really good now and then they tell me it was Red Bull

and then I thought fuck you because now I'm not going to be able to sleep all night and I couldn't and I'm really sensitive to it so it's really like a mood enhancer presumably if you drank Red Bull more often than once every 10 years then the effect might become a bit more diminished

that's such a joyless drink well obviously not Ollie felt great to me I did feel good vodka and Red Bull just says I just want to get smashed. I don't want to take any pleasure in it.

I just want to make sure I'm up for long enough to drink more booze and drink booze now. A lot of people subscribe to that philosophy today, just because it's not you, Martin. That's a depressing philosophy. They might find what you're interested in depressing. They might find a Twin Peaks marathon depressing. They might think a man who wants to sleep 16 hours each day at weekends is depressing. But it's just a classic cocktail of uppers and downers, isn't it? Vodka Red Bull.

Yes. Well, I suppose that's the point, isn't it? You get the hit of the alcohol, but not necessarily the instant depression. Yeah. Well, you don't get the sleepiness of the alcohol because you've got the Red Bull to keep you at neutral. Anyway, point is, they now spend, apparently, between 30 and 40% of their annual budget. That's the budget that covers their staffing costs, their distribution, their factories, everything.

Wow. On marketing. Wow! 40% on marketing. That's how they can afford to send Felix Bumgardner up to his base and send him out for a rocket. They do all the Soapbox Racer stuff as well, like they used to have in Charlie Brown. Yeah, and the thing is, right, since Red Bull have been doing this for the last 20 years, it now seems like the kind of natural thing that a drinks company might sponsor.

But Red Bull pioneered, those were all minority sports. You know, soapboxes were minorities. What did you call them? Flugtag. Flugtag. That's the thing where someone builds a crappy flying machine and then they launch themselves into a pond. Like they do it in the Serpentine in Hyde Park.

It's quite fun actually. It is fun. But the point is, minority sport, and even Felix Bumgarner, what he was doing was minority it's only because red bull put their name i mean i know they bought a formula one team so with that exception yeah generally speaking they tend to go into areas where no one else was and that event on that scale exists because of red bull right so it's not just they're leapfrogging on the back of someone else's marketing they create these whole events which

embody their brand of like go out do it gives you wings it's a bit of a risk though isn't it like if you're spending all this money sponsoring stupid sports and your drink doesn't take off then you've really wasted a lot of money and then you're left with a vat of really disgusting liquid but i think they've shown that it really doesn't matter what the drink tastes like if the brand is right and it really doesn't it's not about the taste is it yeah you know that that is the differential fact that coke and pepsi have been slugging over for the last hundred years. But actually, when it comes to it, you can launch a brand that tastes horrible and no one cares. Like Fentimans.

All Fentimans drinks taste like dishwater. Dishwater with an organic sugar cube in it. But because they're in a nice glass bottle with an old-fashioned label, everyone assumes they're nicer than the other drinks and they're disgusting. You think they're going to be great and they're always such a disappointment. We'll take a Krabby's any day. Disgusting. You think they're going to be great and they're always such a disappointment. Oh. Oh. Yeah. We'll take your crabbies any day. But if Fentimans started sponsoring

like the Victorian Steam Fair, then I think probably a lot of people would go for that. They'd pay a fortune for this sort of brand consultation. Why are you giving it away for free? I'm not businessy. Yeah, they've got the branding right. They've just got the liquid wrong. But obviously that is the most...

No one cares. That's the most minor part. That coke just tastes of sugar doesn't it i mean really like don't tell everyone the secret martin there's some vegetable stuff in there but you could put like an old spray in there and it would basically the amount of sugar that it has would completely mask it says the man who won't drink supermarket own brand colas because they taste different so obviously it does taste special martin yeah and virgin cola as well i like virgin as a brand couldn't get my head around that.

It wasn't nice. Do you remember when Virgin Cola launched and its big marketing ploy was to make its bottle look like the figure of Pamela Anderson? I do. Because this was the mid-90s. The Pammy the bottle was called. I always thought the bottle looked weirdly straight-sided

if you're modelling it after the Pammy. It didn't have an arse, which was weird. Or boobs. It sort of had boobs because it came out slightly at the top. Yeah, but it had a sort of bulge of boobs like a an edwardian governess hands but not the globes of pamela anderson yeah that's what they should have done helen virgin cola would still be with us today if only branson had launched it with the governess well i think so well here's another question of

drinks from sarah who says when i was much and poorer, I lived in a teeny tiny rented attic flat at the top of a posh building in Bath. My neighbours were obviously a lot more well off than me, and on recycling day, I would regularly swap some of their empty champagne bottles into my recycling box to make me look more upmarket. That is a brilliant wheeze. Like the recycling people care. Like they're going, oh, look at this one Dave! Take care when you throw it into the back of the truck. Now many years later

says Sarah. I live in my own little house in Aberdeen. Today after coming back from walking my dog I see that someone has put a bottle of Buckfast in my recycling bin. What's Buckfast? It seems to be a mixture of wine and speed as far as I can remember. I've only had it once because I did not enjoy it,

but it was sort of like drinking undiluted vimto cordial mixed with port. Is it fair to say, therefore, that the problem is this is seen to be a drink perhaps consumed by people who aren't as well off as the people that Sarah was pretending to be with the bottles of champagne in bath? I think it would be fair, Ollie, because from Buckfast's quite august beginnings, being made by Benedictine monks as a health tonic, it has now become a drink that has been cited in 6,496 crime reports in Scotland, where Sarah lives, over the past three years.

That's 2,000 plus Buckfast-related crimes per year. Okay, so we're talking a Jeremy Kyle-style beverage, basically. We all know where we're at. Yes. Well, she says, Ollie, answer me this. Is this karma? If so, what does it mean? And what will my neighbours think?

I'd like to say that your neighbours will just think, oh, she's great, Sarah. Look at her. She can mix it up. She can have champagne. She can also have Buckfast because she's a young, free-as-a-bird, seize-the- the day joie

de vivre type if my neighbors were in the habit of going through my recycling and interpreting my character from it i would not care what they thought well i think sarah needs to really readjust her self-esteem if it's so dependent on what people think of her for things that are in her recycling she's got a long history of it the thing is i don't go through people's recycling i don't do that But I do judge people On the items that they buy You know in the supermarket If I see someone and I'm like

Oh value baby food But premium lager brand Think you've got your priorities wrong Don't you do that? The baby will only have the good lager After a hard day At the podcast in Colface I like to relax with a movie.

Perhaps in a black swan, the social network or Pixar's Ratatouille. Where you can stream all those films and shitloads of others if you sign up for our free love film trial. And answer me this,.com Slash half film It's well worth your while Because it's free Here's a question from Rich from Hampshire Who says I've recently broken up with my girlfriend

And instead of throwing out the various items around my room Like letters and photos Okay so not like the bed sheets And everything she ever touched Repainting the walls I have kept them Okay, so not like the bedsheets and everything she ever touched. Repainting the walls. I didn't know what you meant. I have kept them. Okay.

I also did this for my ex before her. And I still have a box containing all the keepsakes and memories from that relationship. Yeah. So Helen, answer me this. Is it weird slash unhealthy to still have all these items? I can't do this for every potential girlfriend in the future. Well, you could, because a lot of the files will be digital. Yes, and it depends how large a house you live in, doesn't it? And how many women you get

through. But for some strange reason, I just can't get rid of them. And if I do keep them, is it something I should make a potential partner aware of? Or should I keep them hidden in the bottom of my wardrobe? Well, I wouldn't keep them on your bedside table, but I don't think you need to make a big issue of this. I've got a box of letters and small mementos of my ex-boyfriend that i went out

with for three and a bit years and i haven't looked at them since since i first got them but i think it would be weird to throw them away because you know what if i want to look back at the museum of my life yeah when i'm old no it's a significant part of your life isn't it a relationship and your future partner will understand that in the right context yeah it just doesn't feel right to throw them away and you know you can regret throwing them away so so don't do that to yourself it might not have as much sting later as it does now and then you'll think oh i shouldn't have got rid of those things because it would just be a nice little memory rather than a token of pain behaving

as if you have no romantic history it's kind of strange as much as i understand why a current partner might feel uncomfortable or upset by the presence of those items to sort of completely airbrush any past romance from history is a stranger i think it's unrealistic isn't it although i don't like it when you make me wear that mask of your ex-girlfriend although i would feel odd throwing out my ex-boyfriend's stuff. When we split up and he got a new girlfriend, I assumed that he would throw away all the things I'd made him and letters I'd written him. And that was painful at the time.

Now I think actually it'd probably be a relief if they never came to light. Well, disagree, Helen. Imagine the value that Helen's ultimate juvenilia could attain on eBay. Rich, if you're listening, please throw them away. I think where you hide it, though, is the issue. If it's hidden, ostensibly hidden, that's a problem. Yes, put it somewhere where it's with other things that don't appear to have much significance. Yes.

Ordinary books. In plain sight, but a place where not many people are looking. Yeah, I think my box of letters is somewhere near our router. There's a difference in things that look hidden and like you've tried to bury them. Yeah. And things that are just there. I mean, this was the strategy i used as a teenager for my porn collection is i had all of my mags as in my non-porn mags uh with spine facing outwards

yeah so i had a collection of amiga power and then i had a collection of the short-lived title comedy review and then you had jugs power review and then jugs power review in between the two yeah with the spine facing the wall that is a clever system in plain sight in plain sight and it sort of melted into amiga power but on the other hand if anyone ever found it i'd be like yeah it's a porn magazine it's fine i'm okay with it we've probably got a lot of listeners who are thinking why did he download and print out his porn and he could have just streamed it and not had this problem hello it's steve from london um i've a rumour that Dr Fox is not a real fox. So Helen and Ollie, answer me this.

Who is the most misleadingly named celebrity and who is the most aptly named celebrity? I think Tom Cruise is pretty aptly named, as I imagine he likes to go cruising. You're right, Tom Cruise does love P&O Ferries. He's well known for that. I would say that the most inaptly named famous person is the Labour peer, Lord Adonis.

He's actually from a Cypriot family, though, that's why. Yeah, but he's not built. He's not, no, that is true. I would say that the most misleadingly named celebrity would be philip k dick because he writes sci-fi rather than porn and he wasn't didn't sound like he was a dick really just someone with mental troubles experimented with a lot of drugs similarly peter o'toole doesn't sound like a tool sounds like he's quite a sound guy well i don't know he's probably

a bit of a tool because uh yeah most heavy drinkers do exhibit some very troubling behaviors to their loved ones yeah i'd say uh nick ferrari as well oh he's not a ferrari kind of guy he's a drinker. Yeah, most heavy drinkers do exhibit some very troubling behaviours to their loved ones. Yeah. I'd say Nick Ferrari as well. Oh! He's not a Ferrari kind of guy. He's more of a kind of big old Rolls Royce kind of guy, isn't he? I just seem to have one of those Japanese knock-off of Italian sports cars.

Like a Lexus or something. Yeah, like a Mazda type thing. Yeah, but I think we all know it would be comfortable. I mean, it would have to be accommodating for a larger man. He is a larger man. It would be a big car, yeah. Big car, expensive, but not a Ferrari. Well sprung. Good suspension. Yeah. Well, Emma. Big car, expensive, but not a Ferrari. Well sprung.

Good suspension. Yeah. Well, Emma Stone, the actress, she's not made of stone. She seems very vivacious. Good point. Here's a question from Harry in Watford who says, Helen, answer me this. What the frick is going on with helium?

I recently went to a local card shop to purchase a helium balloon for my niece's birthday. Yep. Textbook. Standard. card shop to purchase a helium balloon for my niece's birthday yep textbook standard but when i got there found a sign saying there was a global helium shortage and that they wouldn't have any in for a few weeks i then went into clinton's who seemed to have plenty of helium so what was going on was the little shop telling the truth and maybe maybe, due to the shortage, they couldn't afford the sky-high prices. Sky-high.

It's good, isn't it, with helium? Yeah. And only big corporations, like Clinton's, who actually went bust last year, can afford it. Oh, they are doing super well. Actually, maybe they did spend all their money on helium. And where do they even buy their helium from? Helen, answer me this. If there is a global shortage, will helium balloons soon be a thing of the past?

Well, yes, there are people lobbying for that because apparently there is a global helium shortage and they use 8% of the world's helium at the moment for helium balloons and they really need it for MRI scanners and other scientific essentials. That is a conundrum, isn't it? Oh, what should we have? The balloons for the people in hospital or finding out what's wrong with them what's more important tgi fridays or brain cancer and yet you can kind of think oh don't spoil our fun it's only eight

percent if you stop using helium you still get ordinary balloons where's helium from i wasn't aware that helium was like mined at all i thought you could make it it is in the air right but it's usually the byproduct of natural gas and apparently production of that is down. And also it's because in the 90s, America, which had a huge stockpile of helium, started selling it off at rock-bottom prices, thinking...

Rock-bottom, sky-high. Yeah, we'll always be able to get more helium. And that meant that people were not that bothered about collecting helium, so they just let a lot of it go to waste drift off and now they're kind of stuck

for where they're going to get the helium from NASA uses it they use it for wind tunnels it's very useful but people have been a bit slapdash about it

helium is very light so it just disappears out of the atmosphere unless you capture it in a balloon and then put it in an MRI scanner for later

so why do we think that the small shop didn't have it but Clinton's did? Was Clinton's being irresponsible or do they perhaps have the buying power to have a bigger stockpile? I reckon they've got a stockpile. I reckon that when they use their last helium, then Clinton's will finally disappear. I was more surprised to find out that Clinton's is still going than I was to find out there's a global helium shortage. But their business is based on the fact that people will always be lazy

and people will always have birthdays. I feel a bit sober about the whole helium issue. Here's a question that will cheer you up there, Olly. It's from Ellie, who is from Bangor in Northern Ireland, and she's 22. Right. She says, Olly, answer me this. You know the expression, dressing to the left or dressing to the right? I do. It's about cocks.

What does it mean? It's about cocks. It's about which trouser leg you put your penis down. That's right. You've got one that is the length of a trouser leg Martin blushes and just nods quietly It's about which shoe will be providing you sexual stimulus that day Martin has to wear a bride's train behind him

Just to cover up the fact that his head is dragging along the ground I might have to rephrase your question for you Ellie As Ollie answers me this How have I got to the age of 22 without knowing this very basic expression i mean i actually i mean i don't think all dongs swing one way or the other some are central really perhaps ellie's experience of boyfriends is they've all got bang on penises i think that is going to be very unusual like a spirit level because like the seam of your garments is going to get in the way yeah yeah yeah that's true you have to choose one or the other even at the top end. What pair of knackers

is perfectly symmetrical? I think testicular symmetry is quite a big factor in this actually. Right, yeah. Because it leans you one way or the other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There might be more room on one side. Right. But I think if you're trying to wear pants, how can you aim for symmetry? How? How? So do most men have a preferred

side or is it, do they just alternate? Do they alternate depending on the day of the week? Do you? You're a man. I have a preferred side, yeah. In your sample group of one, you prefer a side. Ollie, men have a preferred side? Or do they alternate depending on the day of the week? Do you? You're a man. I have a preferred side, yeah. In your sample group of one, you prefer a side. Ollie, do you prefer a side? No.

I don't think about it. You can go either way. You're very laid back about these things. I'm quite conservative in these matters. Right. Yeah. If chafing's happening, I'd prefer to squish and direct upward

than choose a trouser leg. Yeah, but that's what us physicists would call a point of unstable equilibrium. So it's stable, but then you're going to break the symmetry at some point. It's going to fall to one side or the other. Thank you for putting educational gloss on this ridiculous question, Martin. Actually, you know there's been this recent trend for the drop crotch trouser as worn by Bieber and Kanye West.

It's where essentially your trousers sag down to your knees. So you could just... Our kids have been rocking that for the last 10 years anyway, haven't they? My dad's been rocking it since the 60s. Bieber and Kanye West and people. It's where, essentially, your trousers sag down to your knees. So you could just... Our kids have been rocking that for the last ten years anyway, haven't they? My dad's been rocking it since the 60s. So that would mean you didn't have to choose a trouser leg. You could just swing free. Maybe that is why people like it, even though it looks stupid. It looks like Bieber has shat himself.

I'd be concerned that the pendulous motion of my penis would knock the earth off its axis, though, if that started going. This question has made Martin a real braggart. Well, after yet another penile section of Answer Me This I feel I must apologise to Melvin from Israel who says, when I listen to Answer Me This I'm usually doing so with

headphones whilst pottering in the kitchen. My kids, aged 11, 8 and 3 are often in the adjacent room and hear me laugh out loud at your material. Thank you Melvin. I'm not seeing a problem so far. Occasionally, my eldest has asked, what's so funny? Ah, now I see the issue, yeah.

And I'd like to stick an episode onto his MP3 player to show him. However, clearly not an episode that begins with the etymological investigation of the phrase dickbag or the ruminations about the difference between a sleeve and a condom. He's got to learn about the differences between sleeves and condom sometime though melvin it might as well be through us anyway melvin says ollie please answer me this is there an episode or two of answer me this which is kid friendly or even kid friendly ish oh that's really tricky because yes there is i'm almost certainly because we've been doing hundreds of these but trying to remember which ones where

we didn't talk about issues like dick bags is quite hard because there's usually a there's usually some sort of uh deviation into the uh sexual isn't there even if there isn't because some episodes have been so clean that i've even considered removing the explicit tag on them on itunes yeah however there might be a couple of swears in there so if you think clean content but with the occasional bit of ripe language is all right for an 11 year old because they're quite worldly 11 year olds then maybe that would be all right but if it's swears and rude content i think in episode 59 we on a similar plea from a parent did a swear free episode we did we did a swear free episode which

basically meant martin isn't in it at all. He has very limited vocabulary. In fact I think Martin was in it less than in the episode when Martin actually wasn't here and we filled him in using a machine. Because of you Melvin, I'm going to introduce a child friendly tag on our episodes because I think to ascertain whether you think they're suitable for your child, if you browse

through the posts about the episodes on our website then you'll see whether they contain tags like sex or filth or yuck yeah and maybe steer clear of those episodes i'm just going to put child friendly on the podcast so there will be 259 untagged episodes thus far but if anybody who is a keen listener and has been cataloging all of our stuff wants to let me know which ones are suitable for 11 year olds then let me know and i'll put up a list for you fine good idea yeah also by the way if you want to listen to episode 59 the swear free episode or indeed every episode

from uh number one to 120 uh including our guest episodes with pappies and josie long wow retro time yeah lots of stuff behind there and our 100th anniversary edition crikey, crikey. Oh, that was amazing. There's lots of good stuff there. You can buy those classic episodes on our website AnswerMeThisPodcast.com Or you can get them on iTunes as well

if you like an impulse purchase. And our website, of course, is the place to go to find out the details of how to send us a question which you will want to be doing

because after next week we are having a three-week break. Yes. Ollie's got to move house Martin's got to go to a conference you see how these things happen listeners

but we will return next week and hopefully you will too bye