Answer Me This! - AMT265: Amazon, Straitjackets and Chips with Gravy

Episode Date: August 1, 2013

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Starting point is 00:00:00 If Justin Bieber spits on me, will I go viral? Has to be this, has to be this When will they stop profiting from his downward spiral? Has to be this, has to be this Helen and Ollie, has to be this We start this week's episode with one of our listeners exposing himself super. It's Paul, who is 34, and he's from Manchester, so if you're a listener in manchester
Starting point is 00:00:25 keep your eyes open for paul's undercarriage he says i recently moved into a flat in the city center it's got massive windows and is directly overlooked by similar flats on the opposite side of the road in the past few weeks of extreme heat as i have no air conditioning i've been cooling myself by opening all the windows and wearing as little as possible. Oh, yeah. I'm fairly sure, says Paul, that my neighbours and possibly some of the people on the street below have had an unrequested eyeful as I've gone about my normal business. Do you think he means the full meat and two veg or does he just talk about his belly?
Starting point is 00:00:56 I'm assuming the full thing because otherwise, what would he have to worry about? Ollie, answer me this. Despite being on private property, as I'm in public view, am I breaching indecent exposure laws? My belief is that I'm fine so long as I'm not doing anything lewd,
Starting point is 00:01:12 but I'm not sure. Well, actually, the issue about whether or not you're on your own property is irrelevant. It is possible to get done for indecent exposure if you are exposing yourself in a way that is intended to shock
Starting point is 00:01:22 the recipient of this image, regardless of where you're standing. Yes, but what if he that is intended to shock the recipient of this image, regardless of where you're standing. Yes, but what if he doesn't intend to shock? He's only trying to cool his scrotum in the breeze by the window. Well, this is where I think a lawyer would be able to argue that, indeed, your intent was not to shock. Your intent was merely to aerate your testes. And therefore, it wasn't a deliberate act.
Starting point is 00:01:43 But you may have now made things worse by putting this in writing to us because you've confessed. You're aware that from time to time people might be seeing it. Now, why aren't you taking precautions against that? You're aware that some people may find it shocking. I think another very clever lawyer acting against you
Starting point is 00:01:58 might be able to argue that therefore you are maybe not intending to do it, but you're aware of the consequences in doing it anyway. Wear an apron, Paul. That's the obvious solution. Answer me me this podcast.com slash superstore my dad's got one of those aprons ollie why must you ruin it stripping naked and wearing it wearing an apron totally defeats the objective cooling your balls have a lovely cool bottom but your balls will be quite hot so is the issue that you might be on your private property but you're visible to people
Starting point is 00:02:22 on public property yes yeah and depending on who those people are as well the offense can get very serious if for example it's a bus stop and there's a load of school children there yeah or a nunnery yeah um then it gets you into all sorts of bother yeah and i mean i know the laws in america and actually in each different state of america are different to the uk but there was a guy who the case went all the way to court in virginia a couple of years ago. And he did get acquitted. He did successfully argue that he hadn't intended it. But in his case, it was that a woman, and then separately later that day, a woman and her child had seen him completely start bollock naked.
Starting point is 00:02:55 And essentially what he was able to argue was he hadn't seen them. They'd seen him, but he hadn't made eye contact at the child. But it could have come down to that. Like he wouldn't have had to have been touching himself, wouldn't have had to be anything more inappropriate than him being naked. But if he'd have made eye contact with the child, he could have gone to prison for two years. And where was he? In his house?
Starting point is 00:03:11 In his house in Virginia, yeah. And they were peering in through the window like perverts. No, they were standing on the street corner. And he says he was just walking around, much as Paul does, to get a summer breeze. It is warm. I think if you live in a flat with street-level windows, then... You're asking for it.
Starting point is 00:03:26 Yeah, I think you've got to behave in a slightly more responsible manner, Paul. I think if you're three stories up and someone's just got a brief flash from a... I was going to say bird's-eye perspective there. What's the equivalent of something that's underneath? Like a rat's-eye perspective. Rat's-eye. Rat's-eye of your japs-eye. If someone's got a rat's-eye of your of your japs eye then I think if it's brief
Starting point is 00:03:45 and fleeting that is permissible it's Peter Flynn from Palmerston Northern New Zealand Helen Lolly in Martinsham in answer me this
Starting point is 00:03:52 why are straight jackets called straight jackets they're not particularly straight nor do they even keep your arms straight
Starting point is 00:03:59 am I right in saying it's spelt differently to straight keeping you straight you picked the wrong straight straight of Gibraltar yeah or straight as in straightened circumstances so what's the difference
Starting point is 00:04:10 in definition for people who don't know well uh straight meant a narrow confined place or to be bound and drawn tight which is what a straight jacket does all of those things s-t-r-a-i-t yes and also it means a sense of difficulty but that's kind of afterwards because if you're in a narrow place or being bound and tight, then you would be in difficulty, wouldn't you? Hence dire straits. Yeah, precisely. Ah, yeah. Whereas straight as in the straight and narrow,
Starting point is 00:04:34 or as in a straight edge, that's from the Middle English to stretch. So a helpful way to remember the difference might be to think of Mark Knopfler in a straitjacket. The first straitjacket was invented by an upholsterer in France in 1790. Was it designed to restrain people? I assume so, because what else is it going to be for? Do you think maybe the upholsterer was trying to make a stretchy seat cover
Starting point is 00:04:55 and it just went really wrong? What can I do with this? Great age for inventions in France, straitjacket and the guillotine. I suppose if you've got a person in a straight jacket, it's a lot easier to put them in a guillotine without them thrashing around. A really complimentary invention. People who bought this also liked. Here's a question from Phil from Chesham, who says,
Starting point is 00:05:14 whilst at Alton Towers earlier today, I was buying some horrible overpriced fast food when my vegetarian girlfriend asked me what type of pork is in hamburgers. I initially scorned her for asking such a stupid question. Quite right, Phil. And informed her that they were made of beef, before realising that her question was actually completely logical.
Starting point is 00:05:32 Not really. And I may have overreacted in my belittling of her, since they are called hamburgers, after all. Let's not take the first syllable of every word and assume that that dictates the contents of the foodstuff. Frankfurters aren't made from people called Francis. So, Helen, answer me this. Why are hamburgers called hamburgers when they don't actually
Starting point is 00:05:48 contain ham? Is it because they did contain ham at one stage? No. Because they're from Hamburg. Minced beef, when it came to America, was an invention popularised in Hamburg known as a Hamburg steak. And then, around the end of the 19th, turn of the 20th century,
Starting point is 00:06:03 it was then made into the Hamburg steak sandwich, which, of course, became the modern... Hamburger. Hamburger. Yes. Hamburg was an international port, one of Europe's biggest international ports, which means you've got people coming in with their exotic minced foods,
Starting point is 00:06:19 and then Hamburg got to disseminate them elsewhere. So who knows what other foodstuffs Hamburg could have given its name to. Came via Hamburg, yeah. Yeah. Or indeed, I wonder whether Hamburg itself celebrates the hamburger now. I don't reckon they do. I mean, it's very much seen as an American thing, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:06:33 Yeah. In fact, I remember in the bell jar, and this is an odd thing to remember out of the bell jar, where she talks about eating raw Hamburg with an egg in it. And at the time, I didn't know what raw Hamburg was, so I thought probably this is all right. But actually... Least of her problems, though, wasn't it? Exactly. Exactly time I didn't know what raw hamburg was, so I thought probably this is all right, but actually...
Starting point is 00:06:45 Least of her problems though, wasn't it? Exactly, exactly. I mean, a bit of food poisoning is just a bit of light relief compared to the suicidal depression. She didn't want to get near to the oven. I've got a question. Email your question. To answer me, this podcast at googlemail.com
Starting point is 00:07:03 To answer me, this podcast at googlemail.com to answer me this podcast at googlemail.com to answer me this podcast at googlemail.com to answer me this podcast at googlemail.com So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? It's a question. So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car.
Starting point is 00:07:41 On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. 10 minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Question from Louis. I liked it, Simon! Who says, Journey south of the next big thing. Yeah, it could still happen. Helen, answer me this. Why is the giant of online retail, Amazon, called Amazon? Is Amazon's warehouse in tropical Milton Keynes
Starting point is 00:08:12 solely run by six foot five warrior women? With one boob. What? Well, the Amazons mythologically cut off one boob to make them better at archery, although they were... Did they? Well, no, because there's no evidence of this happening. Apparently there's false etymology actually
Starting point is 00:08:25 because they thought Amazon meant someone without a boob but how would it help you with archery just somewhere to put the bow yeah a horrific scar
Starting point is 00:08:33 in which to dig a bow but I'm surprised that someone doing you know any kind of action film influenced by the tribes hasn't included that scene
Starting point is 00:08:42 what of cutting the boob off yeah so it lasted the Mohicans type so imagine a scene where someone Mark Gibson would do it wouldn't be memorable reservoir dogs type thing yeah where someone chops off their boobs so they can be a better archer i suppose the problem would be then faking the single boob look for the rest of the film well that's a cgi challenge isn't it and whoever whoever whichever glamorous hollywood actress agreed to be pictured not just topless but with one tits we'd probably get a Golden Globe nomination just for that.
Starting point is 00:09:06 And then she could use the award as the other tit. Anyway, maybe Jeff Bezos thought, what would people with one boob like to order things off to entertain them while they're recuperating from having their boob cut off? No, he didn't actually, funny enough. Maybe he thought, let's cut down some rainforest in the Amazon and use the paper as packaging. I'll tell you what he thought, Helen.
Starting point is 00:09:24 It's a little bit more pedestrian than all of these did you go did you go i want the website amazing.com and then he couldn't get it so he thought amazon is the closest thing possibly but that's not the official line okay the official line is simply that he had the idea of a website selling books and therefore he wanted one that would come up bearing in mind this would be marketed to literary types in alphabetical order first hey so this So this is in the days when people couldn't, there was no Google. So if you wanted to know about a website, you had to read about it in a directory. And he was like, stuff you, Blackwells. Up yours, Hatchards.
Starting point is 00:09:53 Waterstones. Exactly. And Barnes and Noble thought they had the drop on me. So yeah, so he wanted something to begin with an A. And apparently he literally looked through the dictionary and looked at the words beginning with A that he could get. Oh, it was lucky that Amazon was in there because that's a proper noun and a lot of dictionaries don't carry those um and he came across amazon and of course that seemed to fit because he was
Starting point is 00:10:09 planning on building the world's biggest bookshop and of course the amazon is uh well if it's not the biggest river in the world it's certainly right up there isn't it it's it's one of the greats it's big and he didn't want to call it yanksy because it's at the wrong end of the alphabet but the other thing that i thought might have been part of his uh design process was that you know on the logo it's got that smiley face arrow thing that points from a to z so it's kind of set and then that's their slogan isn't it a to z and you're done so i thought that that logo was part of the original design process and so he needed a word with an a and a z in it but of course that would be kind of too clever for anyone to think up at the initial stage and in fact that logo was developed later uh 2000 the logo came about but the site was opened in 1995 so actually they had six years
Starting point is 00:10:49 of really terrible logos i've seen some of them online and they're hilarious are some of them of the amazon rainforest and its destruction um no although there is a vaguely rivery theme to the original page and actually you can go back and look i mean obviously it looks like a sort of teen terrible teen blog on myspace now it's amazing to think that this was the world's biggest book website when it launched yeah but there wasn't much competition there wasn't time no and everyone had dial-up internet so just to see that would have taken 10 minutes to load it up no not everyone had dial-up internet no indeed only aristocrats yeah but what it does say on the text of that first ever amazon home page is that you could use their service the I as in E-Y-E
Starting point is 00:11:26 rather than I like the paper. Yeah. Which I'd never... Or I as in affirmative. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or I as in I, Claudius. Or I. All of those.
Starting point is 00:11:38 Or none. Yeah. Or A-Y as in Andrew of York when he signs off his tweets. Yeah. Any others? I have a needle. So it says...
Starting point is 00:11:46 Tate or I? You can check. They're service the I, which I've never heard them referenced since. I didn't know that that was called the I. But obviously it evolved into just the Amazon algorithm. And it still catches me out now when I get a mass email from Amazon and it's advertising our book. Because for one second I think
Starting point is 00:12:05 oh my god Amazon have put out a mail shop for answer me this products and then I realized no it's because I self-google so vehemently and the only things I bought from Amazon recently have been things that I've written or been involved with so Amazon I is just the analytical tool they use to sell you things that you are based on other things you like that's what it is now but in the early days it was just a recommendation system i guess you type in the name of a book and it was suggest three or four other books it was a bit like that we did a really good uh slow burn jape once uh at the time our friend kimon was staying in our house and i knew that he had used my laptop without permission because amazon was logged in as him and i wouldn wouldn't do that, obviously. And so I put a lot of books about alcoholism in his basket.
Starting point is 00:12:47 And so all of his recommendations were about alcoholism. But he didn't seem to clock for about a year. That is good. That is good. It is really funny. I do worry, actually. I've just decided to share Netflix accounts with my parents. Oh, oh, oh.
Starting point is 00:13:00 They could completely skew it by watching all of their racy movies. I know. And so I'm just a bit worried that one day I'm going to go home and turn on my iPad and it'll say, you've been watching Lacey Ladies in Lingerie. Would you like to watch this? And I'll be like, oh, thanks, Dad. Yeah, Martin has been retraining our Netflix to recommend a lot of documentaries about suicide. Portland doing documentaries about suicide.
Starting point is 00:13:21 That's what happens on Netflix. The Bridge is a good one, by the way. If you want to watch a good documentary about suicide, that's what happens on Netflix. The Bridge is a good one, by the way. If you want to watch a good documentary about suicide, that's been the best one so far. To keep yourself safe on holiday, make sure you stock up on essentials such as sun cream, money belt and extra thick condoms.
Starting point is 00:13:40 You can't be sure where those swarthy locals have been, but with their exotic accents and their strong arms, they'll certainly sweep you off your feet. I don't even know my son's father's name. Cheers. Answer Me This Holiday. Travel the world from the comfort of your own headphones. Out now at answermethispodcast.com slash album.
Starting point is 00:14:01 Here's a question from Lee, who says, As a child, I was told to wash my hands after going to the toilet. Sound advice, isn't it? Very good. And as an adult, it's expected, as it's unhygienic not to. As a game man, I've had a lot of dicks in my mouth, and I know of people who do a lot worse. Impossible. What could be worse? On a scale of doing a lot worse, is that more dicks or less?
Starting point is 00:14:24 Fewer dicks, Holly. Sorry, grammar is always important. I am also assuming most adults have either given a blowjob or received one. I've never got one. So unfair! Either or, though, given or received. Therefore, why is it so important
Starting point is 00:14:39 to wash my hands, yet it's accepted when an actual tool is in my mouth? Well, I think people do expect a certain amount of penile hygiene, don't they? That, you know, you might cringely, if a blatantly unwashed penis started worming its way towards your face. That's right. For you to accept it into your mouth.
Starting point is 00:14:58 You want it to be of a certain level, which you're not applying when you're washing it. And in fact, maybe you'd like to keep in your pocket a little wet wipe just to give it a quick scrubbing before you chow down. Also, a lot of people suggest condom use for oral sex to diminish the chance of orally transmitted disease. Do you know what? That was a question that I remember specifically I wanted to ask
Starting point is 00:15:17 when I was 15 years old in biology class. Did you want to ask that too? Can you get AIDS from bird droppings? Yeah, can I get AIDS from someone blowing me off? I wanted to ask, but I couldn't ask that In front of the whole class Presumably the most pressing question for you was Will anyone ever give me a blowjob
Starting point is 00:15:32 Yeah But I felt embarrassed asking the question Yeah anyway Apparently on the average penis There are 42 different types of germ And slightly fewer on a circumcised one Because they gather in damp places like under the foreskin
Starting point is 00:15:47 so just make sure you clean properly there, fellows Okay How many types of germ are there on the exterior skin of your arm or your nose? You know when you get adverts which say there are 5 million types of germs on your toothbrush
Starting point is 00:16:00 and only 50 on your toilet seat you think, yeah, but which ones are worse? Yeah, if one of them is like E. coli then that's more significant toothbrush yes and only 50 on your toilet seat you think yeah but which ones are worse yeah if one of them is like e coli then that's that's more significant than yeah just your average bit of fauna yeah i'm unlikely to start brushing my teeth with the toilet seat just it's been in contact with very different things right well here's a question about something else that's quite dirty to put in your mouth it's from andrea from the gravy filled north says, where is the north-south divide when it comes to gravy on your chips? Why can't southerners understand that it's delicious?
Starting point is 00:16:30 It's not a north-south divide, Andrea. There are a lot of regional variations in favoured chip toppings all around Britain. Not even all northerners favour gravy. Some of them like curry sauce or cheese. And then you get differences in the east and the west. Well, Canadians have poutine, don't they? Yeah, but they're far north, aren't they, Martin? Yeah, that's true. some of them like curry sauce or cheese and then you get differences in the east and the west well canadians have poutine don't they yeah but they're far north aren't they martin in canada i do quite like the idea that you could draw the north south gravy divide across the whole of the globe and see
Starting point is 00:16:55 if it does cut through the usa and russia as well maybe there is a particular latitudinal point above which gravy on chips is de rigueur here's the the thing that I wonder, Andrea, whether it's not so much a chips and gravy thing as what goes with the chips because if you're having fish and chips, gravy doesn't seem like that obvious in a compliment but pie and chips, it does.
Starting point is 00:17:13 Yeah. I wonder whether people where Andrea is from prefer a pie. This may be a completely unfounded cliche but in my imagination... There is no hesitation.
Starting point is 00:17:23 People in the north who are eating chips in a pub for example Are probably more likely to be doing so With a warm ale And I think probably people who are eating chips in the south Might be nowadays more likely to be doing it with a cold lager And I wonder if gravy goes better with ale They're virtually the same thing aren't they
Starting point is 00:17:39 It's that pub warm thing Yeah but If it's from a chip shop and the drinks are relevant But chips and gravy is definitely a wintery thing, isn't it? That's a real winter warmer. Well, and actually that's the point. It's very cold in the north. It is colder up north. Ah, here we go. Helen, it is not objectionable to say it is colder
Starting point is 00:17:54 in the north. It is factually colder in the north. It is. Yeah. Only by a few degrees. I suppose the big test would be the Midlands, wouldn't it? Oh, the Midlands is like a swing voter, isn't it? Well, Martin, Midlands correspondent. Growing up, did you ever encounter gravy on chips there yeah yeah we had curry sauce and other stuff as well so i think uh yeah i used to eat mayonnaise too but is there a north south midlands divide oh she's asking where is the line because i mean oxford is very different to say
Starting point is 00:18:19 coventry i mean i'd argue it'susive. There's probably not a point where everybody eats gravy. Okay, time for a question from Duffy from Northwood, who says, Helen, answer me this. Which came first, tartar sauce or tartar, referring to the crap you get on your teeth? Well, if you're talking about the substance, then obviously tartar on teeth has been around as long
Starting point is 00:18:40 as teeth, because, let's face it, ancient dentistry was not that great. That's right, and I'm guessing the ancient Greeks romans had no real need for tartar sauce i think maybe their taste didn't run to tartar sauce although actually it's very good isn't it with mediterranean grilled fish it's all right but it's not essential anyway duffy continues this ridiculous tract it seems like tartar on your teeth would have existed and therefore have a name for it for longer but it would be such bad marketing to then name a sauce after that. Yeah, but actually they come from different roots.
Starting point is 00:19:10 Yes. Both the sauce and the tooth muck got the name Tartar around the same time, actually, in the early 19th century. But for the teeth, it used to be something called Calculus. What, so you'd have toothpaste adverts saying, cuts down radically on Calculus. New Calculus 3 McLeans. That's hilarious. Although Tartar sounds quite posh as well like tata yeah like posh people say goodbye
Starting point is 00:19:29 well it does sound quite posh in its long form as well uh because the are you going to say you know that it comes from some latin tatare well it's it's from potassium by tartarate right oh well i couldn't guess that so that's uh so once they stopped calling it calculus that was the oh cream cream of tartar is a cooking ingredient, isn't it? It's an acid. So what if it's chemically related? I think it is, Martin. I think it is.
Starting point is 00:19:49 You could scrape off your teeth and use it in baking, but don't. Okay, so both have their root in the chemical table. No. Oh. The other one was named after the tartars, as in the sort of warring force from the east. And what's that got to do with mayonnaise you put on fish? Well, it's a bit indirect, Ollie,
Starting point is 00:20:04 because the tartars gave their name to foods that were spicy because that's what they were associated with. But then, in the end, when it comes to tartar sauce and steak tartar, it's because they're chopped up. So maybe they liked food that was both spicy and chopped up, but only the chopping up caught on. So which part of the world are the tartars from? The tartars were the Turko-Mongol people of Central Asia
Starting point is 00:20:23 and they were renowned for their fierceness. But you couldn't be that fierce if you need to have all your food cut up for you like a baby. Maybe it's because they used to dice the enemy finally and then mix them up with capers and gherkins. Helen? Oliver? Though life is full of questions
Starting point is 00:20:40 there are answers you must know. One. No, it will not fall off, but moderation in all things too. Yes, there probably is, but we won't find out in our lifetimes. Three. Most people prefer connery, but my personal favorite is Dalton. Four. prefer connery but my personal favorite is dalton for if you try and slip a one it would ruin your
Starting point is 00:21:10 friendship yes here's a question from cheeky horse you don't often hear of cheeky cheeky monkeys the typical thing isn't it but actually horses people tend not to use the phrase cheeky i think it's because... Crazy horse? Yes, a crazy horse. More likely to buck you in the face and cause some serious damage, isn't it? You don't think, oh, what a cheeky horse just debilitated me. I think horses have been quite noble, but yeah, crazy, but never cheeky. Never cheeky.
Starting point is 00:21:36 They're not exactly japesters. Not really given to levity, are they? Well, let's see whether this cheeky horse is. This cheeky horse says, Ollie, answer me this. Why do prominent politicians and the like always announce what they're going to say in important speeches before they give the important speech? Well, it's not them announcing it, is it? It's their press secretary. Not only could they save time by just releasing a statement instead, presumably instead of the speech, but there is no shock or surprise in politics anymore. Discuss!
Starting point is 00:22:02 I agree, but I think it's inevitable isn't it Well it was Was it so that they could make the deadlines of the newspapers Yes Essentially No one wants to read in their morning copy of the Daily Telegraph Over their eggs and bacon Something that happened two days ago and they heard about on Radio 4 yesterday
Starting point is 00:22:19 Exactly What they want to read is what is the Prime Minister going to say later At this event that I'm not going to hear about again until I watch the 10 o'clock news. Spoiler alert, but then that does ruin the news for tomorrow because you're like, yes, he said what we thought he was going to say yesterday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, absolutely right. But then, of course, what happens then is
Starting point is 00:22:35 the news very quickly becomes opinion about what was said. So the only time, I guess because, you know, if you're a press secretary, you want to control the story. The only time you can guarantee that you'll just be able to get the news message out about what David Cameron said is before he's actually said it. Because as soon as he says it, people then discuss it and debate it. But of course, now what's happened is with the online world, people then have that debate about what he said before he's even said it. My God, minority report.
Starting point is 00:23:01 So from about 10 p.m. the night before before a big speech people already have the headlines from the following day's papers at which point they start discussing it on twitter so that by the time the paper comes out previewing what he's talking about later that day it already feels like last night's news and i suppose in a way maybe politicians are using this to their advantage a bit in that they're actually able to gauge public opinion to what they're about to say before they say it so actually i i seem to remember this being the case around um ed milliband's speech on immigration you know there'd been a big lot of pre-cafuffle that he was about to say something that sounded more right wing than you'd expect
Starting point is 00:23:38 labor to sound right um and this was you know the statement where he sort of essentially said we got it wrong uh and you know we should have had tighter controls on immigration. And that was leaked way ahead of it happening. And then all the discussion about it from all the angsty left wingers had already died down by the time he gave it. So did you get the positive press coverage afterwards? I think they kind of use it as a tactic in a way. So it can be for notifying the press and letting them get their copy in on time for um controlling the story and also maybe for testing the temperature of what you're going to say and perhaps modifying the
Starting point is 00:24:09 actual speech is that possible yeah so they're all just playing to the gallery then well but we all know don't we that speeches are written and no one talks in that rhetorical way do they in groups of three and with jokes and and prefacing everything with my fellow americans so we know that it's been written and crafted and in fact you know people who have previously been Tony Blair's speechwriter or whatever will turn up on documentaries and that will be their credit. You know, they're quite open about the fact they have writers. So in a way, it's sort of more honest, isn't it? This is what the prime minister will say later.
Starting point is 00:24:36 You know, no one's pretending that it's a live spontaneous event. It does take some of the fun out of it, though. Here's what he's going to say later. Later, you get to see him say it. What's the big deal? Why can't you have more teasers? A bit more improv. At the end of Mad Men, they'll go,
Starting point is 00:24:50 next time on Mad Men. They'll give you a lot of imagery, but you have no idea what the plot's going to be. Well, I suppose the other thing, though, is that you will almost always get a camera crew at a speech the Prime Minister is giving. And probably at a speech the prime minister is giving and probably at a speech that the um home secretary is giving and the chancellor is giving even though he's quite boring
Starting point is 00:25:10 but you know if you're just housing minister or education minister you're not guaranteed that there'll be a camera there because you do a lot of events that aren't going to be interesting yeah right so just give out the piece of paper with the speech written on don't even bother or rating no but but the point is you need to tell the press what's going to be in the speech because there may be press that didn't realize they would be interested in that speech but then realize they can fabricate a story around it if they go along just sounds like a lot of bullshit really though well it is but that's that's the news cycle helen check out my exciting speech as minister for bins i bet you want to be there later with your cameras when i actually do the thing they're going to be performing seals and i'm going to do a dance
Starting point is 00:25:48 on a bin it's going to be like stomp i suppose this is why people like prime minister's questions isn't it because even though you get all these terribly scripted lines it's it's they have to be doing a bit of improv don't they well at least the leaders don't know what each other is going to say even though uh within their own parties they've decided what someone might say. So the fact that they're standing there not knowing what's going to come out of the other one's mouth means you get a certain sense of spontaneity, don't you? But the worst bits of PMQs are the bits where it clearly has been scripted in advance.
Starting point is 00:26:18 If you saw just before they broke up with this whole business about fag packets being labelled, I really thought it was the worst in recent memory. Ed Miliband said, you're now the Prime Minister for Benson and hedge funds. That's piss poor, isn't it? You wouldn't get that in a cracker, would you? If the sub-editors at The Sun had to sit around all day
Starting point is 00:26:37 trying to come up with puns for tobacco companies, they'd do better than Benson and hedge funds in about five minutes. And yet all Labour could come up with that whole day was Benson and hedge funds what about you're a mall bellend exactly that would be better you're a silk cunt well that brings us to the end of this week's answer me this listeners there you go yep another fulfilling half an hour I'm sure you'll agree yes I feel if you've made it this far because you could have opted out earlier can you no reason no one's got to be under your head maybe you fell asleep and you've woken up with this screaming yeah you've made it this far because you could have opted out earlier couldn't you no reason no one's got to be under your head maybe you fell asleep and you've woken up with this screaming
Starting point is 00:27:05 yeah you've slept through your stop wake up now you're at Wimbledon is that the most far away place you could think of there's nowhere
Starting point is 00:27:12 further west than that that's where the Romans thought they'd fall off the world anyway we should be back next week with your questions so send us those
Starting point is 00:27:19 all our contact details are on our website answermethispodcast.com whereupon you can also find links to answer me this holiday and if you're so over enthused by the royal baby you can listen to the answer me this jubilee for more royal shit and if you're feeling sporty then you can listen to answer me this sports day we have an album for all your moods because we know you only have three states of mind and we can accurately reflect them all that's right and come back next week for the next free episode of answer me this

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