Answer Me This! - AMT266: The Queen's Gynaecologist, Backyard Burials, and Boob Jobs

Episode Date: August 8, 2013

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When will Andrew Neil's hairpiece get its own show? Has to be this, has to be this Should I stay or should I go? Has to be this, has to be this If I stay it will be done Has to be this We're kicking off this week's show with Olly Mann's favourite-est subject in the world The photo canvas I did of my cat Coco

Second favourite thing in the world, apart from internet pornography His third favourite thing in the world. The photo canvas I did of my cat Coco. Second favourite thing in the world apart from internet pornography. His third favourite thing in the world. Musicals! Oh right, yeah that. It's a question from James who says, Ollie, answer me this. Is it okay to sing along when at a musical? The reason I ask is that my wife

and her friend went to Mamma Mia in London and started to sing along. But every time they did, the people in front would turn around and tut because they've paid £60 to hear professionals sing, James, and they don't want your wife singing ABBA out of tune. Fancy that. You'd think Mamma Mia

was perfect for singing along to, says James. Yes, in your own home for the DVD. But I guess some people want to hear the proper singers. Yeah, and as you say, have paid for that privilege. Yeah, it's like you wouldn't go along to the Old Vic and recite King Lear. I think it was cloudier, this issue, before Singer Longer came along. Yes.

But now I think there is, if you're not aware of this, listeners, a phenomenon, I think it's fair to say, but actually a company as well called Singer Longer who do these screenings of classic musical films. There are then subtitles on the film, and the audience participation is not just tolerated, it's actively encouraged. Do they have a little bouncy ball going along the subtitles?

I believe so. Obviously, we've discussed before our mutual hatred of audience participation, despite the irony of us doing this show. It's not even hatred, it's pathological fear. Yeah, genuine sphincter clenching terror. But it's different when there's a group of you, like when you...

No, it is. It's why Ollie and I go to shows together Because we know it's not a danger But I guess being picked out is weird Or why having a one-to-one interaction with actors It's the fear of being picked out But if everyone's just singing together Do you not sing in the church?

Then it's Nuremberg It's all horrible Anyway, the thing is, sing-alonger events have come along now Well, I think they are in fact following in the wake of things like rocky horror picture show screenings with all of that audience participation but that's different isn't it because it's a film and you can go home watch the same film if you want to in silence yeah and actually you can tell from the kind of films that the sing-alonger group do the kind of things that make it slightly more acceptable so i'm not saying it is acceptable

to sing along a live performance necessarily, but certainly if you look at the ones Sing Along Ado, they do Grease, Dirty Dancing, Sound of Music, Rocky Horror, Joseph, and actually they do do an ABBA one, but weirdly it's not Mamma Mia, it's a film of ABBA in concert. That's weird. It is weird. What's the plot of that?

I guess it's waiting to see if they both get divorced. Or if you can spot the signs. The winner takes it all. Or do they? Find out after the break. But so, you know, they don't do Les Mis, for example. And I think that's with good reason.

Because it's very hard to hit that high A. Yes, it is. Or what's the one that's got... Aspects of Love. I mean, it's a crap musical anyway. But famously, the first song in Aspects of Love, Love Changes Everything,

the final note of that... Hands and faces and other things. Usually someone's dress sense in the partnership. At the end of the song, you might recall from the Michael Ball number one of the same name, he hits a really high note. Love will never, never, never be the same. Yeah, and apparently that's the highest note at the beginning of any musical ever. Wow.

And you have to, I don't know, but a very high one. I reckon I could do it. But it's got to be someone who's the baritone lead who then hits that really high note in the first song of the EP. I'm a light lyric tenor. Apparently that's hard. So that wouldn't be fair. I agree that it does depend on the type of musical

because there are some where they're obviously baiting you to get up and sing along to a number. And I'd imagine if you're going to see something that is based on a familiar film Like Cabaret Maybe not so much that one Tomorrow belongs to me That's a classic audience participation My father's

German business partner came over about a decade ago now and we wanted to take him and his son to a West End musical whilst he was in London What did you go for? Spring Awakening? My mum suggested, it was on at the time,

Cavalcade by Noel Coward, which no one knows anything about. Anyway, he couldn't come so we went to see it without him and we're so glad he wasn't there because the end of the second half was they got everyone standing up and they all sing together, who won the war? We won the war! That's the end of the show.

That doesn't date that well. But I think, you know, you can tell when they want the audience to sing, and actually Mamma Mia I would think is one of those where they do tell you pretty much with very clear symbols, you know, it's when they gesture at you and people start clapping and telling you to get out of your seats with their arms that's when you start singing and dancing

and until then, probably best to keep quiet. i would err on the side of caution and enjoying quietly right time for a question from carl from caution who says helen answer me this when was the last time that a monarch overturned a bill as in a parliamentary bill the 11th of march 1708 just off the top of your head that one yeah i remember it well what monarch was that i just had that? I just had my lunch and I was like, would you believe what Queen Anne has done? She's only gone and overturned the Scottish Militia Bill. Militia? Yeah. What was the bill about?

So they were going to put a militia in Scotland and it had been passed by Parliament. But then Queen Anne was a Protestant. Her brother James was a Catholic. He, with the support of the French, was going to invade Scotland and try and seize the throne. And she thought, if we put a militia there, they might become loyal to him rather than me. So let's just not try it. Good Lord.

When I think of the queens of England, I think Elizabeth I, Victoria, Elizabeth II. Yeah. Forgot all about poor Anne. Queen Anne had 17 pregnancies. Shit. But not a single child survived her. That's horrible.

Imagine 17. Like, after about 10, surely the bottom half of your body falls off. Did you find it weird with Kate's pregnancy that we all got to see the Queen's gynaecologist and he was labelled as such in photographs of him standing on the hospital steps? I just thought it was a rather vivid term.

Gynaecologist to the Queen. Yeah, why didn't it just say... Parvoil appointment. This is Dr So-and-so, who's a physician to the royal family, but they actually say the Queen's gynaecologist. They're not called the curator of the royal jelly or something? Tester of the royal cervix. So I thought that was sort of a bit odd and a bit distasteful in a way,

but maybe if Queen Anne had been a bit more public about these issues and had herself a decent royal gynaecologist, it would have been a better situation. I think in 1708 there was no such thing as a decent gynaecologist i think that's right yeah here's a question from tammy from melbourne in australia she says a couple of weeks ago my friend proudly handed me her business card well you should never stop networking i smiled and said thanks and slipped it into my wallet at home later i threw it out it's not her business and i already know her title.

So, Ollie, answer me this. What is one to do with friends' business cards? I suppose it depends how prominent and interesting the friend's job is. If you've got an interesting friend with an interesting job, then you might want to show that card off to mutual friends of yours. Yes, like when my friend Alex was team leader rabies, but I think he didn't even have a business card, so we were just denied. We just had to show people his email signature. So maybe your friend doesn't team leader rabies, but I think he didn't even have a business card, so we were just denied.

We just had to show people his email signature. So maybe your friend doesn't have an interesting job, Tammy, but I think maybe if she did, people come up in conversation, don't they? Say, look, my friend does this, and then you'd have it to hand. Yeah, or I've got a new work email address. Maybe you could email me in the day and we'll play some online Scrabble or something.

Depending on the job, if it's a tradesperson's job, then you rely on word of mouth, don't you? Maybe she's hoping that you could propagate her business maybe she was just proud to have a business card or maybe she's actually just ordered too many because i've suffered from this it's because i went on vista print which just make it ridiculously easy to upscale so they get you in with an offer that's like three pounds for 250 business cards or 30 pounds for two million business cards well exactly let me tell you now 250 business cards. Or £30 for 2 million business cards. Well, exactly. Let me tell you now, 250 business cards is enough.

Like, I've ordered from them before and that lasted me about six months. Now, when I ordered from them the second time, I was like, oh, 250 business cards. That only lasted me about six months. I'll go one size up. But one size up isn't 500. It's 2,000.

So I got 2,000 business cards printed in January. I've managed to get through about 100 and now my details have changed sucks to be you in fact i forgot about this i i gave my uh dinner suit to dry cleaners up the road and i didn't check the pockets and i forgot that i had business cards in my inside pocket because i was at awards do the time before that i wore it always networking exactly and um when i went back to the dry cleaners three weeks later to pick up my tux because i wasn't in a rush it was ready after two days but who needs a tuxedo instantly uh james bond yeah do a good point actually well the guy from not travel which i guess is basically

james bond when i went back to the dry cleaners in the rack at the front of the store where they keep the flyers advertising like local cleaning ladies and people doing sewing and alteration services. Things you'd expect to see at a dry cleaner. Synergistic businesses. Yes, indeed. In that box at the front in the dry cleaner was my business card. Olly Mann, writer and broadcaster. Wow.

They'd obviously taken it out of my inside pocket and thought, oh yes, that might be of use to our customers. There in the dry cleaners in Stanmore, I was advertising my services as a presenter of Talk Radio. I had my mobile number on it and everything. Maybe that's what Tammy could do. She could put her friend's business cards in other people's display. Yeah. What Tammy could do as well is get a Rolodex. It's an old-fashioned solution to an old-fashioned problem.

And she could just keep it at home. It's not a business Rolodex. But then maybe her friends will get a little kick out of seeing that she saved their cards and it's in her special friend Rolodex. Yeah, it is an old- fashioned problem, isn't it? It's astonishing to think Michael Jackson's dead, yet business cards remain. You know, they should have died out a long time ago. Both were great in the 80s.

Yeah. But, you know, I'd rather have Michael Jackson still around, I think, than business cards. They have no real use. I just don't think that it was really a cosmic choice between one or the other, though. Anyone would think that they were unrelated. If you've got a question, email it in. To Martin the sound man, Holly and Helen. Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com

Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles.

And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. 10 minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Here's a question from Miriam from Somerset, who says, I've been singing my children a bedtime song. I think you're depriving the world, by the way, Helena Martin,

by at the moment not having any children. Sorry, I think actually we're helping the world, because environmentally the world doesn't need any more children. Yeah, but imagine the bedtime songs that Martinin would compose they'd be the most cerebral bedtime songs ever excuse me i'm one of the best song extemporizers of my generation um anyway uh miriam has in fact been singing a song that it's come to her attention might be a little bit rude is it a peach this song i think you could sing sucking on my titties to a little baby couldn't you because that's technically exactly how it spends its day sucking on my titties like you

want some milk yeah suck the pain away suck the pain away i think you? Because that's technically how it spends its day. Suck the pain away. Suck the pain away. I think you can tell that none of us are parents by the jolly way we're treating this subject. Miriam continues. Helen, answer me this. What is the song She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain When She Comes all about?

Why is she wearing pink pyjamas? And why is she riding four white horses? Or six white horses in many versions. How does the music go at that point? She'll be riding six white horses when she comes. That sounds better, doesn't it? I know four's also only one syllable.

She'll be riding four white horses when she comes. It's a bit more difficult to say. Six sounds better. And it sounds a bit more biblical. I've also heard some other verses recently, continues Miriam. There have been a lot of updates to this song in the 21st century. The ones she's heard are, We'll all be cheering when she comes.

We'll all be cheering when she comes. When she comes. And she'll be sleeping with her grandma when she comes. Neither of these, says Miriam, sound any less seedy than the original verses. WTF is this song really about? And should I be singing it to my children? Well, Miriam, if you're going to get into what most children's songs descend from verses wtf is this song really about and should i be singing it to my children well miriam if you're going to get into what most children's songs descend from and really mean then what

are you going to sing them you'll be reduced to sing them something clean like a rihanna song because even things even things like here we go round the mulberry bush that is a song which came out of wakefield prison wow yeah and it was like if you don't do all your cleaning chores you're going to die of the cholera Ha So this song She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes When she comes Originated from a song

Sung by slaves in the southern USA Now that doesn't surprise me Because it has that flavour to it doesn't it musically Well the call and response I think One slave would sing a bit And the others would answer And it probably kept them going During some rather unpleasant labour

So that song was called When the Chariot Comes and it was about Judgment Day. And so the lyrics there were things like King Jesus be the driver when she comes. The she in that case was the chariot that he was going to ride in on and beget the rapture.

There was another lyric. She'll be loaded with bright angels when she comes. When she comes. Sorry, it's irresistible. I can't stop jumping in. There'll be some white folks getting their comeupp angels when she comes when she comes sorry it's irresistible i can't stop joining in yeah there'll be some white folks getting their comeuppance when she comes yeah does miriam think this was dirty because it contains when she comes yes i think that's what she's getting at but actually it does it doesn't have any connection to sexual gushing

no it's not like that song when i come when i come no it's not like that at all that's not about jesus is it the artist was atb it was When I come. No, it's not like that at all. That's not about Jesus, is it? The artist was ATB. It was a favourite of mine. ATB. Anyway, the song about Jesus riding in to create the rapture spread through the appellations and became a lot more folky

and the lyrics started to change. And there doesn't seem to be a definitive version, but it was first recorded in the seminal work, The American Songbag, which was published in song bag which was published in 1927 by carl sandberg sandberg song bag yeah the sandberg song bag is very difficult to say i can't believe that's even a real thing he'll be putting sand in his bags when he comes he went around the USA collecting songs and he wrote down this song. And his interpretation was that the she, who's coming around the mountain when she comes,

was the union organiser Mary Harris Jones, also known as Mother Jones. And she was going around the mountain to promote the formation of labour unions in the Appalachian coal mining camps. And she'll be riding six white horses, was a symbol of the mythological stature of mother jones and then the rest of the song is about how much rejoicing would happen after she arrived but i

think really most of the lyrics are nonsense like the pink pajamas one i think it's just what is fun for people to sing there's another interpretation from old though that conflicts with the carl sandbag and it is that she is the railroad and it will come around the mountain it will bring food and drink and people and fun and that's when you get the lyrics like we'll be having chicken dumplings when she comes because when she comes yeah it'll come you can all have a party with the the dumplings and the people that may have arrived on the train it seems like quite a happy story to tell your children miriam i mean if you're worried that it had a sexual connotation now you know that it probably doesn't j Jesus will come and punish

you when he comes. He will blow this earth sky high when he comes. He will fuck you good and proper and you will spend eternity in hell. This will all happen when he comes. But, you know, if you explain it from the point of view of the slaves and that they were anticipating their own liberation, that's a positive story, isn't it? I don't think

that was the case, though. I think they were just whiling away the time until they died of exhaustion. No, they're hoping for an optimistic outcome. They're creating some sense of hope. Something different to this life of pain and toil is going to come. What, death? If you're being pessimistic about it, yes,

but the optimistic interpretation is relief from this is going to come. Excuse me for thinking that maybe the southern USA slaves were not so optimistic. I get that, but I'm just saying I can imagine that that interpretation could be that we'll be freed from slavery when she comes. Now, admittedly, that's through death. But nonetheless, taking the long view, they maybe realised that this was going to be a, you know, if you zoom out far enough, a temporary situation. That's a positive story.

Our owners will rot in hell when he comes. Where do you go to find all the answers that you are looking for? I will tell you the secret. Very good, very good. Where do you go to find the answer? Answer me this podcast dot com. Where do you go to

find the answer? Answer me this podcast dot com. You will find your answer here. Answer me this podcast.com. You will find your answer here, answer me this podcast.com. You will find your answer here, answer me this podcast.com. Listeners, do us a favour and give us a call with your questions by ringing this number. 0208 123 5807 Or by Skyping answer me this. And just a little point of order.

If you're standing in a strong wind... Call back another time. Or if you're really muffled... Call back another time. Or if you're really hammered... Actually, if you're really hammered, sometimes it's funny, but try and get someone who's sober to make a judgement call on that one before you call five times.

Hi, hello, it's Joe from Needham. Hello, Molly, answer me this. Are there any rules, regulations or licences that have to be undertaken in order to bury a person? I know you could register a death and say I wanted to bury my grandmother in the back garden. Do I have to speak to the council or whoever that does what I've done so they can then dig up my garden in 20 years if I've moved out and find a dead body under there. It would be pretty weird, wouldn't it,

if there weren't any rules and regulations to burying a dead body. Yes, I thought that they liked to keep an eye on these things in local government. I think that's right. There are quite a few rules and regulations, which I'm reassured to know. So it's not like you can set up your own cemetery on an allotment as a money-making scheme that's correct damn it wrong investment in fact as far as it goes you can only do it once at all what you can only bury one person in your back garden at all because uh the definition of a burial ground or cemetery by law is where two or more people are laid to rest

but what if you didn't know that there was someone who had fetched up there 400 years before perhaps when when your garden was a riverbank and they just silted in there yeah if it was 400 years before that's probably okay but the point of these rules is exactly that so that the the home office do have a record of who's buried there so they can say uh no there's more than two people there therefore you need a license to be a burial ground. But if you're not a burial ground, if you're just intending on one interment, then usually, apparently, you will get permission to do it,

but yes, you do need to contact the council. And the major reason for that is that although there's nothing in the public general law to prevent the burial of a deceased person in any ground that you like, there is an exemption if it constitutes a public health risk right so what you need to establish is you're not going to pollute the local water supply with granny basically so they do checks on the department of environment have to be informed they have to check that you're not within 100 meters of a borehole they need to check that the location and position of the grave is attached to the deed in the future

for the very reason that you said, so that future purchasers are aware there's a body in there. Yeah, this one's taken. Chuck them over the garden fence. And also, I suppose, to reduce the risk of, in the future, there being any shocks and surprises whilst you're having maintenance work done. Yeah, and you think there's a murder victim there.

Yes, exactly. Yeah, you are installing an ornamental fish pond and suddenly you think you've come across a murder victim there. Yes, exactly. You are installing an ornamental fish pond and suddenly you think you've come across a mass grave. That could be traumatic. Yeah. I mean, the people that bought the house that I grew up in have levelled the garden and they probably found a few canine skeletons in there.

Dogs that died of natural causes. Indeed. If you wouldn't want to be shocked by digging up a skeleton, it's probably best to be alerted to the fact it's there. And presumably as well, there are regulations about having to bury a certain depth because you don't want it just to come above the earth during heavy rain yeah indeed it's strongly recommended you do employ a freelance grave digger to help you at your private ceremony because they are specialized in making sure that there's enough room above and beneath the coffin you might not need a coffin if

it's a private burial well indeed and natural burials are kind of the big sort of green thing at the moment. But even then, again, you've got to consider, do you want that skeleton to be unearthed? It's probably better that it's wrapped in something. It's probably going to have some kind of protection. Interestingly, apparently a lot of coffin manufacturers are uncomfortable selling directly to the public anyway. So you might be forced to get some sort of alternative coffin,

even if you wanted a traditional one. A family friend who died recently had a really beautiful coffin. I think it was one of these cardboard ones, but it was white, and it was covered in copies of paintings that she'd done. That is nice. I never knew that she was a painter, but they were very good. How would you feel, though, if you got buried along with your handicrafts? Because they're things that you hope to be part of your legacy.

You don't really want them... I'll be dead. I won't care. Yeah? As it's not technically burial presumably it would be fine therefore to do the snow white thing of putting somebody in a glass coffin above ground so you could look at them forever and ever and also use them as a side table during barbecues um you know i i imagine all kinds of funky stuff is okay actually if the person that's died has made it very clear it was their intention the thing is when you file this report with your local council they usually request and obviously it depends on

circumstances because sometimes people die without next of kin but they usually request that all the next of kin sign the document if they haven't had clear steer from the person who's died what they wanted you need to make sure that all the children and usually all the grandchildren as well agree that this is the right thing because the problem problem can be, not only, of course, the emotional trauma of the fact that, you know, siblings may disagree on how a parent should be buried, but then after they're buried, if you want to organise viewings,

if it's the house of one of the siblings, but they've fallen out with the other side and they say, no, you can't come into our garden, that can be a problem that can go on for decades. So if you want to visit the graveside, you need to negotiate it within the family, but also you actually need to sort of say, when you the house uh by the way can we come by every year and lay some flowers i guess most people would say yes to that it's a bit weird isn't it i bet

lots and lots of people in britain particularly where land is relatively scarce have bodies in their gardens because you know a few hundred years ago most of the land was not built on and also you had a lot of churchyards that now have been built over yeah in fact my parents live pretty close to a church oh they could have some corpses under the lawn right now well do yeah um thought about that yeah also presumably there are rules technically about where you're allowed to scatter ashes but probably most people disobey them and get away with it i think that's absolutely right so much harder to scatter a whole corpse.

Yeah. You could mince it up. Technically, for example, you're supposed to ask at a cemetery if you can scatter ashes at a cemetery. I mean, it's full of dead bodies. Yeah. I do like the idea of going to a place that was significant to me, though. I suppose that's the nice thing about scattering ashes.

They can't scatter your ashes in John Lewis. They could scatter them in Costco, I'm sure. Disney World, Helen. Where? Epcot Centre. Really? In the ball. Okay.

Any particular bit of the ball? Actually, the restaurant in Pirates of the Caribbean, specifically, in Disneyland Paris. No, not in a restaurant. Put you in the pepper shakers. In the water

that goes around it in the lagoon. Alright. After a hard day at the podcast in cove face i like to relax with a movie perhaps in a black swan the social network or pixar's ratatouille where you can stream all those films and shit loads of others if you sign up for our free love film trial At answermethispodcast.com Slash love film

It's well worth your while Because it's free The jingle tells the truth That's right You can have a whole free month's worth of love film And you can choose love film instant Which is the one that you can stream films and teleprogram Straight to your iPad or your computer or your telly or you can have the love film by post thing which means you can get

games and stuff by post as well retro so you can choose which i know even old people like this being the summer holidays parents they have a lot of disney on there that will keep your kids quiet mary poppins the rescuers uh wally as a disney nut i i am sated by the array on love film and ollie is also sated by the fact that we get a little bit of money for everyone who signs up the love film trial so you get free stuff we get money it sounds like a good deal doesn't it sounds like a good deal and if you want to support our podcast and get some free entertainment it's answer me this podcast.com slash love film Here's a question from Katie from Portsmouth Who says Helen answer me this

Do fake boobs work As what She says as in if you've had a boob job She's not suggesting you have If you've had a boob job with implants Can you breastfeed Or are they purely ornamental A lot of women would disagree with the definition

Of breastfeeding As the only real purpose of boobs And also And a lot of men And that a boob that breastfeeds could not be ornamental Well, in most cases You can still breastfeed I think unless the surgeon

Has done the surgery In such a way where the plumbing From breast tissue to the nipple is not really working that well anymore you're not going to tell us another horror story about queen anne are you her nips fell off she had a really terrible botch poop job she should have stayed b cup um other than that i think it should be fine not everyone can breastfeed there's no more increased risk there must be slightly more increased by playing around with them it can be more difficult it can be more painful You're more prone to mastitis.

And also you might produce a bit less milk. But you still could. I remember Pamela Anderson saying she could. And hers looked really fake. So if she could and hers were done 20 odd years ago, probably modern ones are a bit more careful. Yeah. You don't see as many big...

Plasticky, playboy style... Playboy style female celebrities these days. I think at the moment a more natural look is in the ascendant. You think about who are the most famous young women in the world now, like Rihanna, Lady Gaga. None of them have big boobs really, do they? No, and also Pospice downgraded her big plastic boobs to more normal boobs. When I was 15, I found fake boobs exciting.

You found all boobs exciting. I found all boobs exciting. So I suppose in my mind I'm thinking Well just because I don't anymore maybe that's because I'm double that age now But a 15 year old now would prefer fake boobs To natural boobs Did you prefer fake boobs when you were 15? It's just what was in the magazines wasn't it

Like if I open up FHM that's what was being Proffered to me as beauty Well it was a novelty then And then they became quite ubiquitous In certain photographed women. Oh, ubiquitous boobs. And therefore there was this sort of swing in the other direction, wasn't there? Only when there was a strong wind.

To favour natural boobs again, because those were a more unusual, rare, desirable commodity. Kelly Brook's boobs, for instance. Kelly Brook's boobs are fantastic. We were at a party with Kelly Brook. I didn't see her. I left before her boobs arrived. She's a very beautiful looking person anyway, boobs or no. But there are boobs that defy classification by age or genre or time.

We should talk about boobs more on the podcast. We don't often. This is brilliant. This is really cheering me up, actually. Why? Because boobs are fantastic. They're one of God's gift to women. What's to. This is really cheering me up, actually. Why? Because boobs are fantastic. They're one of God's gift to women. What's to say, though?

That's true, actually. We've got quite a lot of mileage out of Kelly Briggs boobs. So is she. I mean, she's built a whole career on her boobs. I mean, not literally right there on her boobs. You know Mutya from the Sugar Babes and now from the old Sugar Babes line-up, Mutja Keisha Siobhan? Yes. She had

bum implants. That I don't understand. No. I like a nice bum. I Siobhan. Yes. She had bum implants. That I don't understand. No. I like a nice bum. I can't lie. It's not worth the surgery. So it doesn't look like just a normal bum. It looks like breast implants on someone's bum.

Well, they probably are, aren't they? Yeah. You've got them lying around, especially if they're not as fashionable as they were. Well, one of my favourite pictures is of Mr. Paparazzi with his fake six pack. Yeah, that's brilliant, isn't it? It's just like loads of boobs on his fat stomach. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I'm not kidding myself that if I were to get a fake six-pack put on my jiggly belly, it would look like I was toned. It would look like I had a fake six-pack on a jiggly belly. Yeah, which is in itself very funny. And he was marketing himself

as a sort of media personality, so maybe he was aware of that. Maybe, in fact, he thought, this will be an investment. Everyone's going to take pictures of my perfectly ridiculous six-pack implants. This actually the ugly truth of it isn't it you assume that people go to the plastic surgeon and say make me look beautiful and the surgeon either tricks them into thinking that this conventional idea of beautiful is beautiful or genuinely

believes it to be true themselves and does the best job that they can and sometimes it goes wrong however is it possible that actually in truth someone goes someone actually goes to the plastic surgeon and says, look, I need to be more famous than I am. I need to be photographed and I need to be in heat. Can you just give me some ridiculous plastic surgery that can be talked about? Yeah, I reckon there are. I wonder if that happened.

There was Lolo Ferrari. Yeah, yeah, and I suppose that was that, yeah. Yeah, you don't have Q-cup boobs just for your own fun. Nonetheless, in interviews, she'd say, I think i look beautiful and the surgeon would say i think i'm making her look beautiful we're creating a real life barbie they didn't say oh yeah we just fancy a laugh we wanted to get some photos so we just yeah we wanted to see how far we could push a human being's body before it fell apart i think people

like pete burns have done that because i don't think pete burns would have got his look just trying to look natural but a bit better than natural yeah that is a unlike any normal human face but again michael jackson i mean in that case you got the impression that he thought he looked better but if you actually think i'm going to look ridiculous because i'm making a statement i just wonder if that happens sometimes yeah well some people get their tongues forked because they want to look like a beast just talking about that makes me feel weird it's not it's not right tongues aren people get their tongues forked because they want to look like a beast. Just talking about that makes me feel weird. It's not right.

Tongues aren't meant to be forked in humans. Whatever you say about breastfeeding children when you've got fake boobs, I'm pretty sure you can't eat properly when you've got a forked tongue. You could probably eat yoghurt or something. Yeah. Or whatever snakes eat. What do you do when you eat a steak?

You just have to consume the whole cow in one big mouthful. You know what you could do? You could lick two cream eggs at once. But other than that, I see no benefit. And that benefit is pretty marginal anyway. Well, listeners, it's the end of the show as we know it. And I feel fine.

Yeah, I feel fine. I'm glad you feel fine. I'm quite chidded about the boob talk. But you know what would make us feel really fine in future weeks is to have your questions, out of which to build more episodes of answer me this that's right and you can find our contact details on our website answer me this podcast.com also links to buy our app on ios or android and remember every single week on that

app once you bought it there's a special little extra bit of crap on the app what has happened between the edits only the app owners know. And also on our website, you can buy our holiday album. Yes. Yes. Holiday. Well, it hasn't got us covering Madonna on it, thank God.

No, she would kill us with one frown. She would slice our necks open with a fingernail and then she would crush our heads between her buttocks. But what it has got is one hour of all new material of us talking about the world of vacationing. That seems like enough for you to be getting on with, so we will just see you next week. Bye!