Answer Me This! - AMT267: Spiders, Father's Day and Virginity

Episode Date: August 15, 2013

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Is the band Lawson named after Mark Lawson? Has to be this, has to be this How small a trampoline could you bounce a horse on? Has to be this, has to be this Helen and Ollie, has to be this As you know, like Pitbull, we are so international I was thinking we were wearing muzzles today Unlike Pitbull, we are not awful

But we are this week kicking off with a question that proves how international we are because it's from Jake in Arlington Heights, Illinois. Oh, is that the most exotic place you could think of? It is the most populous community in the United States that is incorporated as a village. Really? I've never really understood the principles of incorporation. No. I do understand, though, why bigger towns would fight for the right to be villages whereas big villages probably wouldn't be that keen to be reclassified as towns you want the amenities don't you and the conveniences but you don't actually want to lose your cozy village

status people like the idea of her village they also like an out-of-town superstore to be on their doorstep maybe there's some kind of financial or taxation imperative to be incorporated or otherwise i don't know but i don't want to know. Don't explain to me. Don't get back to us on that, Jake. Let me preserve my innocence about Arlington Heights, please. But he has a question for us, which isn't about this at all. He says, I am a married man.

Good for you. Congratulations. Why are you rubbing it in all the single people's faces? Smug marrieds. As such, he says, I am the designated spider killer in my home because that is part of the vows uh early in our relationship with his wife not with i would point out spiders to my wife who would shriek and scream later on i would say don't move there's a spider but this would cause mrs t to shriek and scream and call me names. Whereas Mr T would just be like,

I'm a pitiful fool, point out a spider. Now, having wised up, continues Jake, or as he's just confessed to us, Mr T. Oh my God, it's Mr T. When I see an arachnid, I engage my wife in light conversation and move about as if getting a drink. God, how did it take you so long to learn the art of misdirection? You sly dog.

That is slick. Keeping secrets in the marriage. So, Helen, answer me this. How do you handle spiders in your marital home? Well, when you're taking a third into a relationship, well, it's weird in this flat. We don't get that many spiders,

but most of the ones we get are absolutely enormous, like big gnarly legs. And I am naturally freaked out by things with big gnarly legs. So are you saying Martin is the spider catcher in this house? Yeah.

I'm a bit arachnophobic and the way that I respond to that is by... Overcompensating with violence. No, I do. You once just slapped one onto the wall. Yeah, I sometimes just catch spiders with my bare hands because I have such an aversion to them. The only way I can confront that is by grabbing it.

But you kill them? Yeah, usually. I don't like the idea of killing something just because it's kind of in my way. It's a trespasser. It's the Tony Martin defence.

But in nature it would be a lot worse. I mean it would get pecked to death by a bird and it wouldn't be half as kind. Yes, but what makes us

different as human beings is our ability to make a moral judgement on that isn't it? And I would happily eat it but since I don't have any use for it. So if you were really hungry

you would happily eat your house spider? Yes. Oh okay, happily. But I don't need to kill that spider and it wouldn't take much hassle for me to throw it out the window. I don't need to eat a it. So if you were really hungry, you would happily eat your house spider? Yes. Yeah, okay, happily. But I don't need to kill that spider and it wouldn't take much hassle for me to throw it out the window. I don't need to eat a whelk,

but I still do. But he also swats whelks that turn up in the bathroom. I wish. I don't know whether it's because we do get some large spiders though and occasionally trotting past the bedposts, but I do hallucinate large spiders a lot.

That's the real technique to dealing with spiders, creating a lot in your brain. Yeah, it's often bright fluorescent green spiders coming down from the ceiling onto my face. The other night, the spider hallucinations took on a special turn because I woke Martin up by rummaging through his hair looking for a spider that I thought was in there. And what did you find?

I found quite an irate martin funnily enough anyway jake i hope that has made your wife's spider fear seem a bit more tolerable and normal here is a question from josh from new york who says i've recently taken to watching hbo shows such as the sopranos and game of thrones on my ipad at my posh gym that's very much playing to the strengths of the posh gym i think you can't do that whilst you're running around a field, can you? No. And at a posh gym, no one's going to steal your iPad, probably. But you might get sweat

on your iPads. I reckon he's the kind of guy who's bought an accessory to prevent that. Unfortunately, says Josh, these shows can be more than a little risque. They include scenes with nudity and fairly explicit sex. When these scenes pop up I desperately flail my hands in front

of the screen so that my fellow gym mates won't see. But I'm not sure if this is sufficient. Yeah, I rather fear that's drawing attention to what is otherwise a perfectly understandable situation. Indeed. While he answers me this, is it appropriate to continue watching these shows at a gym? It's neither appropriate nor inappropriate.

It's inappropriate if there are loads of kids there, but presumably at a posthumous gym there are no kids there. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's not like it's actually pornography. It's a sex scene in a thing, and people understand what that is. He's not worrying about the violence in Game of Thrones, is he? Yeah, interesting, isn't he? What does that say about America, Josh?

If I do watch them, says Josh, do I have an obligation to obscure all the naughty bits so that I don't look like a pervert? No, because you're not British Airways. Maybe you can get a special amish cut of game of thrones where they're all clothed at all times also why don't you just turn this brightness down on the ipad a bit because then you can hardly see it i think the major concern here if you unpick josh's psychological prognosis is not that uh other people are exposed to material. I think his major concern is that he realises... What will they think of him?

Exactly, that other people can see him watching this material. They get a sneak of a boob or a chest and they realise that he's watching Phil. What kind of pervert can't wait until the privacy of his own home? He has to watch it when he's at the gym. Exactly. And he wants to convey the impression that he's not just watching this material for the sexy bits,

even though he kind of is because it's Game of thrones yeah um and that actually he's watching something incredibly intellectual at his posh gym what you could do if you just want to make sure that they know that it's not porn um and that it's definitely a fancy program with fancy artistic intentions is put the subtitles on because then maybe they'll think it's a french film french film yeah that's a good one that's classy isn't it to watch at Or, I mean, if you're really this self-involved, I mean, no one is actually looking at you to work this out, but if you're really this self-involved that you are in a moment of absolute apoplectic crisis about this,

just look away. Like, if there's a sex scene on, make a point of looking at something different. If someone walks past you, they can see that you're not entirely engrossed in the sex scene. It just happens to be on. You're not bothered either way. It just happens to be on.

You're watching it for the story. And, oh, there's a sex scene happening. Why not bothered either way just happens to be on you're watching it for the story and oh there's a sex scene happening why not just whip yourself with your hair shirt while you're at it good idea i think any reaction ollie where he's changing his normal mode of behavior because the sex scene's on is drawing attention to him and making him seem more weird yeah but not when you're on a treadmill because it's natural to look ahead of you anyway isn't it unless the ipad's right in front of his eyes anyway well he might not be on a treadmill he might be on a treadmill. He might be on a rowing machine. So he's sort of going backwards and forwards into the game of throwing.

Or he might be pulling weights. He might be swimming. I don't know. Yeah, I've not seen anyone swim whilst watching an iPad, but I suppose it's the future. It's going to happen. Here's a question from Jordan from Bridgend in South Wales, who says, I was clearing my room as I'm moving to university soon.

Good luck. Yay. And I came across some American coins that I had left over from an old holiday to Florida. And if you're going on holiday to Florida, listeners, remember to take the Answer Me This Holiday album with you to discover the truth about the utility doors at Disney World. And if you're looking for a more interesting souvenir, if you're going on holiday to Florida, try a little toy manatee.

Manatees are cute. Yeah, they are, yeah. I noticed, says jordan that all the heads on the coins were facing left except for abraham lincoln on the one cent pieces ollie answer me this why is lincoln facing right and not left like the other heads on the american coins actually thomas jefferson on some coins also faces right oh i was wondering whether abraham lincoln was shot in the other side of his head and they thought it'd be insensitive to show him facing left he was shot in the back of the head wasn't he well then in that case i don't think they ever considered having the back of his

head on a coin why do they never have people looking head on in coins they never do do that it's always profile well in fact thomas jefferson on some american coins is looking straight right out terrifyingly like an eagle uh in l's case, the reason is, it's because the sculptor who designed the penny piece Victor David Brenner, designed that penny based on a photograph of Lincoln. Wow! Photography is always much

older than I think it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. February the 9th 1864. Bloody hell! By Anthony Berger, the photographer. In the photo, Lincoln faced right. So it's a reference to that. So that's why he faces right on the penny. And it wasn't that easy to go into Photoshop and flip the photo in those days.

Well, it wouldn't be right, would it? Sculpture shop. It was a really expensive programme. But in the case of Jefferson, the reason he also faces right, and in some cases straight on, looking straight down the barrel like Nick Clegg, is because in 2003,

they reissued the nickel on which Jefferson used to face left. And to signify that they'd reissued it, they wanted to make that side of the coin look different because they changed the reverse side of the coin to commemorate Lewis and Clark. Right. They wanted something on that side to indicate they'd done that. And actually what happened is the Mint, instead of just doing it once, did a series of nickels,

one in which he faced left like he used to, one in which he faced right, and one in which, indeed, I think it's the 2004 version of the nickel, he is looking straight at you. Jesus. But actually, the reason that Jefferson does face forward in that one is also because it's based on an artwork. It's based on a portrait done by Rembrandt Peale in 1800, right before Jefferson became president. Okay. And it's not because the presidents all have a preferred side, like Mariah Carey does, so all of her albums she's facing the same way.

Well, actually, it could be, couldn't it? Because they're based on official portraiture. So, yeah, they probably did specify, like the Queen might now. Yeah, why was Lincoln facing to the right? Well, learning. Yep. I hope you're satisfied with that, Jordan. If you're not, it's the best I can do.

He's probably throwing them all away now. I forgot he ever asked. He's at university now. Whee! Yeah, he's left us behind. I've got a question email your question to answer me this podcast at googlemail.com So retrospective, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who?

On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. 10 minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Here's a question from Alice, who says, I bought a cake stand recently, which has space to hold 13 cupcakes. Ollie could hold those for you. In my belly. She says, my mum tells me this is a baker's dozen.

She's right, isn't she? But Helen, answer me this. Why is a baker's dozen 13 when anyone else's dozen is 12? Mmm. Yeah. Well. Is it because of spoilage? I thought it was.

As in, you bake 13 in case one goes bad. But it turns out actually to have a much more serious historical origin. Ooh. Yeah. Was one to poison a Catholic with or something? Probably did. I mean, at some point in British history, everything was to poison a Catholic. Bakers had a very long-standing reputation of being shifty and short-changing people

right back into egyptian times and probably beyond then all the way up to greg's today so they started imposing harsh punishments on bakers that were short-changing people and in 1266 king henry iii revived an ancient statute the size of bread and ale that regulated the price of bread according to the price of wheat and what it meant that if bakers or brewers, to whom presumably you gave your wheat to convert into bread or brew, gave you... Shortchanging you. Yeah, if they were shortchanging you,

they could be fined, pilloried or flogged, which is a pretty bad punishment. That is a big punishment for just a humble baker. So they would make extra, sometimes as many as 14 in a baker's dozen, to ensure that they were giving people back uh the weight but you know what happened though the bakers were still dodgy they just started cutting the flour with sand and stuff the bakers always win probably when you get these historic things

based on distrust that then in the modern era seem entirely irrelevant oh just a just a lovely phrase an apple cheap baker's made an extra hot cross bun just for you it's like when the royal baby was born there was this issue about apparently it was one of the first to be born without the home secretary being in the room oh which goes you imagine theresa may being there whilst you're giving birth and apparently that was because in olden times they wanted to check that the baby that was being born was the one of royal lineage not one that had been subbed at the last minute as a fake royal baby to usurp the throne i wouldn't trust theresa may to be that observant about babies

because babies look quite similar to each other. They could easily be switched. No, but it was just to say, when you say there's a new king slash queen, that it had indeed come out of the royal womb. Oh no. No wonder Diana had such an awful time. I don't know if she had the Home Secretary there, but apparently, you know, if it wasn't this one that was the first,

it was Diana or the one just before that. It's a fairly recent thing the Home Secretary hasn't been there. Imagine Jack Straw gazing up your crowning vagina. Yeah, I can't. I literally can't. No, I can't imagine. I can imagine it and it's the worst thing that has ever happened in my mind. Okay, well, let's move back to cakes.

Here's another question of cake from Leo who says, In A La Recherche du Temps Perdue. Very good, Ollie. Never heard of it. It's a Marcel Proust. Oh, okay. Memories are triggered by Madelines. As in the little cakes, yeah. So he says, Helen, answer me this.

Were the little cakes in A La Recherche du Temps Perdue named after someone called Madeline or vice versa? Well, it would be ridiculous if the name Madeline, the popular woman's name, was then being named after cake. Would it? Yes.

I'm trying to think. May, that name, and June probably are named after the month. Yes, but not after cakes. I don't know. I don't know. If you really liked a cake, is it so crazy? Seems like the kind of thing the Beckhams would do. So if that's not the case, Helen,

how did the cakes come to be called Madeleine? Annoyingly, it's disputed. It almost certainly was named after a pastry cook called Madeleine. We can't be sure if it's based on Baker's testimonial history because they're very distrustworthy. Bloody lies. But they just don't know which Madeleine. So the most likely Madeleine was one picked by Louis XV in 1755. And that Madeleine was Madeleine Pommommier who was his father-in-law's cook

and she made lovely madeleines so Louis XV adored them so much he made them popular all over France the end. And the other explanation that I favour is that someone poached the recipe off some nuns at the convent of St Mary Magdalene and the name just got corrupted a bit. Madeleines

aren't my favourite. A bit bland. I like the ones with the currants in St. Mary Magdalene. And the name just got corrupted a bit. Magdalene's aren't my favourite. A bit bland. I like the ones with the currants in them. French cakes generally don't quite meet the English cakes for taste. And I think French food is better usually, but not with cakes. More icing. More frivolity. More sugar blast.

That's what French cakes need. More fun. Fewer rules. Yes. I think the English are just like, oh, this tastes good. Yeah, more of it. You know, and sometimes that can make us look a little bit unsophisticated, and that's where the French win. That's all right, that's all right.

But when it comes to cake, you don't want sophistication. You just want, mm. Sophistication. What about a nice gateau, though? That's a French win, isn't it? A nice gateau is good. Yeah, but then the Austrians probably still have them pegged on the gateau. It's like the Franco-Prussian Wars all over again, but in cake.

The reason why I dislike madeleines is not only because i find them uninteresting to eat and cake should always be fun and interesting right is because the proust madeleine is in my mind the second most overused journalistic literary cliche i don't know what you're talking about so this is in this book a la recherche de tombe perdu he eats the madeleine and it spins him back to times past i often get that with smells for instance when i when I smell hot tarmac, that spins me back to the Russian exchange in 1995 that went on with school. And so journalists will go, blah blah blah was like Proust-Madeleine for me.

Like seeing Brett Anderson back on stage with Suede was like Proust-Madeleine. I mean, if I don't get that reference, I'm not rating myself ridiculously here, I reckon a lot of people wouldn't. My least favourite journalistic literary cliché, since you didn't ask, is people starting articles, oh in in fact, novels as well, with, it is a truth universally acknowledged.

Oh, yeah, I've seen that one. Don't do it anymore. You don't need it. You can just start the sentence a bit later. Father of the Bride speech that as well, isn't it? Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking. Large laugh. Luckily, my dad doesn't get out enough to know all the cliches,

so he couldn't do them. My friend Nick, who just got married to his lovely wife Lucy, on the day of the wedding like came up to me slightly paranoically and said um apparently when i do my speech the thing you do is you say my wife and i and then people clap why was he asking you um he wasn't asking me he was telling me and he said so i mean i've just i've never heard that before because you can just make sure that people clap when i say that i'm really anxious he's like yeah okay people will clap i'll be fine and then but of course what happened is he went my wife and i and i was like the first i just look like i fucking love that joke it's like i was requesting it at a gig one thing you need to be aware of is that in this country

it's very impolite if you shake hands the local custom here is to stand back to back and rub your buttocks together. It takes some time to get used to, but you can make some wonderful new friends. Cheers! Answer Me This Holiday. Travel the world from the comfort of your own headphones. Out now at answermethispodcast.com slash albums. OK, here's a question from Martin,

who says, Helen, answer me this. Where does Father's Day come from? Is it an old tradition, possibly with religious origins? Nah. Or is it just a modern invention by makers of cards depicting golf, football, cars and beer? I don't think they had those cards floating around with no purpose prior to the invention of Father's Day.

Like, why are we producing so many golf cards, guys? No-one buys them! Don't forget farting. They often feature farting and also Del Boy as well. I've never bought a Father's Day card, so that's all new to me. Well, both those things aren't necessarily your father's main interest, are they? I don't know how he fares on wind. Yeah, he wouldn't.

Sitcom-wise, he'd be more into the golf one, I think. No, I think he'd be more into one that depicted an arc welder or a chainsaw. Right. But my dad, he's very much on the Venn diagram of Del Boy and farting. So Father's Day cards are great for him. Very easy to find in Clintons. And this year I actually got him one that depicted a bowl full of baked beans. And it just said, Happy Farter's Day.

Clever. But that's a different day entirely. But I did think it's a gender stereotype that wouldn't be tolerated on Mother's Day In the same way like a humorous observation About how people stereotype women You know if it was said like Hi mum you'll remember that argument we had And then throw it back in my face in five years time Happy Mother's Day

You wouldn't get that would you Also women do fart But is that reflected by the card market Anyway Martin continues Am I right to choose to observe mother's day by sending a card i can answer that for you i say yes alan says no uh my mother says no yeah and small present and yet to ignore father's day or father's day i suppose it depends i mean if you're having a big beef with your father but not with your mother then yes yeah if you love your father more than

your mother then that might not be reflected in your card buying pattern. I think you're right in the sense that certainly historically, when mothers did more in the family home domestically and everything, it was more necessary to have a Mother's Day than Father's Day. You're right to say that one is worth slightly more than the other. However, in 2013, I think if you're doing Mother's Day and your father is alive and as much a part of your family as your mother, it's kind of a bit weird not to do Father's Day too. Like you have to do neither or both. Do you want to live in a world where this gender imbalance is observed? Exactly.

I don't know where you're writing from, Martin, but Mother's Day in the UK did have a religious origin. It was part of Lent. Hence Mothering Sunday. Exactly. But it's now become elided with Mother's Day, which was an American invention, which is why their Mother's Day is in May and ours is in March. After the Civil War, one town brought together the mothers of Confederate and Union

soldiers. Wow, so it was a... It was like the football at Christmas during the First World War. Yeah, I didn't know it was one of those and the band played on type moments. So they tried to implement Father's Day as well, but it didn't really catch on until 1908. The first ever Father's Day was a Sunday sermon in in west virginia to

commemorate 362 men who had died in an explosion in a coal mine but then the following year after that fun father's day for all the dead miners a woman in spokane in washington named sonora smart dodd tried to establish an official mother's day for fathers because she was raised by a single father and she went to a lot of churches and ymcas and local organizations to drum up support and hence the first proper father's day that wasn't because of tragic miners explosions was on july the 19th in 1910 and then it sort of caught on around other parts of america and then in 1972 richard nixon signed a proclamation to make father's day permanent right so it's all thanks to Richard Nixon

that we have Father's Day well he did so many good things oh so I'd imagine that we have it in the UK because it was one of those commercial festivals

that came over from America as Halloween is invading now yes but at least it does have some origins in something a little bit nicer than that it wasn't exactly created by Moon Pig

there was some spiritual purpose to it in 1864 moon peter johnson tried to drown together support for all the fathers that had died in the boating accident i think as well martin you have to look at how your parents have responded to the presents that you have got them and really make an assessment based on that as to whether it's worth spending the same again making a stereotype, perhaps the average father would be less miffed by a slightly crappy recognition of the day

than a mother would. Same present every year is fine for most dads. I mean, I think I can make that generalisation. My dad is always happy with a bottle of brandy and the Just Brazils. He doesn't want me to think outside literally that box of Brazil nuts. No, why would you?

Just Brazils are very nice. Whereas my mum, she wants variety. She would want you to to think she feels i've been thinking about her every year what would karen man like this year she's not the same karen man as in 2008 quite right and for her it's really important that i spend at least 10 minutes thinking about what i'm going to write in the card and i've got to try and find some sort of observation because i know it's going to be on display for like five years as well. Whereas with my dad, literally, hey dad, love Ollie.

With your mum, couldn't you just say, I know I said this last year mum, but you're more beautiful than ever. Wow. That would go down every year. That would, yeah. Good, good point.

I might get those produced now just so I've got 20 to back me up for the next couple of decades. It's such a waste that I've never done Mother's Day because I've clearly got all of the cheesy remarks. Got all the platitudes ready to go.

Also the presents that I get my dad, they just stay shrink-wrapped and on the dining room table, including, most recently, a box set of every episode of LOLO ever, which I know every episode is exactly the same, but you'd still think he'd want to watch one. Yeah, you'd unwrap it just to get one. The annoying thing is, you know,

I'm an observer of his viewing habits, and I know that if LOLO is on gold, he'll sit and watch it with the commercials and miss the first 10 minutes and yet he won't watch the dvd what's that about it's because he wants to watch it in that serendipitous way not in a deliberated calculated way i wish it was that simple but it's more complicated than that because i also have bought him every episode ever of kirby or enthusiasm right and yet he takes it close to the bone isn't it and yet he he tapes it every week on Sky Atlantic.

What a pervert. And waits for it and then watches it and gets annoyed if he misses five minutes of it. He's got them all. It's because he doesn't like this modern viewing by choice habit. I think he can't be arsed to get off the sofa and put the DVD in, is the truth of it. Yeah, it's easier, yeah, to actually look out for something and record it every week. It's a big commitment as well to be like, to say I'm going to watch this episode now, whereas if it just happens to be on,

or you happen to be there when it's on, it's almost like it's making the decision for you, isn't it? And therefore it doesn't matter if you're not enjoying it, because you didn't choose it, whereas putting the DVD in, conscious choice could backfire. So much cognitive dissonance. Also, former flatmate of the show, Matthew Crosby, would never ever watch a DVD that he was given as a gift,

even if it was something he really wanted. Really? Never would unwrap them. That's so perverse. Why not? I don't know. That's just one of his things. In this time of purse strings tightening,

the internet's a smorgasbord of fabulous free things, like showbiz news, no need for magazines, stalking your old school friends Videos of fat kids falling over Stealing films and music Sharing photos of your nan Filing your tax return But by far my favourite free thing to type

Is answer me this into Skype. Here's a question from a man who says, I'm leaving this anonymous but would appreciate it if you'd refer to me as either Robert Downey Jr. or Mrs Thatcher. Those are very disparate people to choose to hide behind. They're certainly both taken, though, I think it's fair to say, as pseudonyms. Well, as nims Indeed

You're unlikely to be proven by history to be the definitive one Iron man or iron lady He says Helen answer me this Am I a virgin? I don't know you No I think he's going to give us some background information here to help him with this Because otherwise I agree that would be hard to answer

He says Most of my friends are very conservative. And we all know that young conservatives rarely have sex. And sex rarely comes up in conversation. That's all right. So I'm not sure who to turn to with this question. So I'm asking for your input. You know Dan Savage is around.

Yeah, it's a strange choice. I just feel like he's better at talking about sex on podcasts than we are. He continues. The fact is I have never felt the inner sanctum of womanly genitalia pleasurably encapsulating my winkle. So it's lofty language until the last words. Yeah, well, obviously he's been

reading books rather than having sex, which might stand him in good stead for the future. Time well spent and people do consider it rude if you read books during sex, by the way. There was some ridiculous survey, and I really do mean just obviously made up which was just there to gather column inches yes which said something like 60 of women have looked at their phone whilst they're making love that was the statistic yeah it's probably more like 80 it's it's probably as realistically one in ten we might have looked at their phone you might have looked towards it does

that count one thing I have done is I've glanced at the clock to see how long we've been going. But that's out of curiosity not out of that's not yeah or fear.

It's not out of boredom. You do have an enormous stopwatch for your pets as well. I finished the telegraph cryptic once but that doesn't count.

It's the closest thing you've ever had to a sexual experience. Well our anonymous contributor continues although he has never felt the inner sanctum. He has, however,

had the pleasure of a small number of orgasms induced by fellatio. I have happily reciprocated cunnilingually. He is good with words, isn't he? He's a cunning linguist. This obviously means

I've had a number of sexual experiences Beyond the bounds of a friendly bum or tit squeeze I mean that is just getting groped on the tube Yes Yeah but it's an This is more interesting than it appears at first glance Helen So he's saying Helen answer me this

Am I a virgin or not So he's had oral sex a number of times Does that count Well that is a very interesting question Because a lot of gay men and women May also never have A penis in the feminine canal Yes

They definitely not consider themselves virgin So I think the conventional definition of virginity Is probably up for Some kind of amendment and yet he's straight and he seems to want to conquer a woman's feminine parts with his man wang

is it therefore in that context that he is still a virgin because these things cease to matter of course when you are no longer a virgin but in the time that you consider yourself still a virgin this definition is quite important I the time that you Consider yourself still a virgin This definition is quite important I think I think probably he's still a virgin

But I wouldn't necessarily say that to Everybody particularly if they were Not heterosexual And then there must be Even in the gay example right I reckon there's A lot of people who would say well You know we used to do mutual masturbation At boarding school.

But then that's not them losing their virginity. I don't think we should label it. I don't feel... He's asking us to, Martin. Is he a virgin or not? What's your answer? Yes or no? I don't think it's binary. I think it's a gender.

But it is. He's saying I want a yes or no answer. Then his premises are incorrect. I think his state of mind suggests that even though for other people this definition would work for not being a virgin, I think he probably still feels like one. That's why he's asking. Yeah, I think that's right. I think he's growing up in a post-American pie landscape, isn't he?

Where clearly, by that stretch, he's a virgin. If you have sex with a pie, it doesn't count. Or a rubber doll or seashell that is roughly vagina-shaped. But penetration of a mouth happened, you're probably not really a virgin. Well, you're sexually experienced. Sexually experienced, yeah yeah the church would say that your virginity still existed but very strict churches probably would say any kind of physical contact was was defying virginity i've also got some friends who have been uh penetrated but still decided that they were virgins because it was just like because they got penetrated by the wrong person yeah non-canonical yeah and it

didn't didn't go for much turns out if he's a dickhead then uh you haven't lost your virginity yeah turns out if uh after three years you decided the relationship was no good your virginity grows back but the definition has changed a lot hasn't it from when it was just like well if your hymen's intact yes i think that's right listeners it's such a complex issue that we would appreciate your input i do not mean that in a double entendre way. No, and we'd appreciate your virginity loss stories. At what point did you consider that you'd lost your virginity?

Was it in one penetrative thunderclap or was it a series of small fellatio-induced experiences? Or was it with one particularly meaningful handshake? It may have different meanings to anybody. So if you have any contributions to make upon the definition of virginity, or if you just have a question, then please send those in via email, phone or Skype.

And our contact details are on our website. AnswerMeThisPodcast.com And also on there, you can buy some merchandise featuring our faces and logo. Not Answer Me This contact. For your first sexual experiences. on there, you can buy some merchandise featuring our faces and logo. I hope to not answer me this contact for your first sexual experiences. Yet. Included in

that selection of delights is a Helen and Ollie wall clock. And I can vouch for this. Because that's what you time your sexual intercourse on. I've just moved house and despite the fact that we have decided to opt for a more sophisticated interior

mode than we had in our previous slightly juvenile frat pad kind of vibe Ollie is a traitor to himself and he's got rid of all of his fun kitsch Is that toy slice of pizza that I gave you still there? That's very much still there Girlfriend likes that one, that's alright It is smiling nicely. But a lot of the primary colours

have been dulled down Despite that fact, the Helen and Ollie wall clock works just as well in the new sophisticated and cozy cottage environs as it did in the inner city uh urban 20 something pad not exactly gritty urban though very leafy very leafy street indeed it's a good clock is what i'm saying get the clock also on that website are answer me this episodes 1 to 120 that's right if you've wondered where are the first three years of the show on the free feed they're there we ask for money for them just 79 pence each though so well 79.9 pence each but who's counted some of you are counting the 0.9 pence anyway listeners please return next week for answer me this 268