Answer Me This! - AMT277: The Millennium Bug, Godparents and Pissing With Celebs

Episode Date: October 31, 2013

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Has Operation U-Tree stung Pudsey Bear? Has to be this, has to be this Did Peter Simon get up too after Double Dare? Has to be this, has to be this Helen and Ollie, has to be this Listeners, if Ollie Mann sounds A. Distracted B. Happier than you've ever heard him

It's because his cat is in his lap And that is because we are recording at his new house in the countryside of Hertfordshire. Yeah, he lives in a house, a fairly small to average-sized house in the country. Coco, do you want to speak into the mic? Oh, here we go. No, she doesn't, Ollie, because she's a cat. She's not a podcaster. She is a pet cat.

It would be so weird if she did want to do that Yeah God Imagine if this was Her first words It's like Good afternoon listeners Hello If that happened

Then we'd be capturing That moment on tape And that would be A historic moment In world development By the way If you can hear a bell Ringing in the background

It's Tinkerbell Again That is the cat She wears a bell Yeah as does Martin the sound man Yeah I think Coco's

Drucking to replace me Isn't she yeah well she often has more relevant things to say so uh yes we are in my house yes we are it's lovely ollie well done and we've had a day in the country haven't we we have we've had the best day in the country because we went to the dinosaur themed mini golf which is a pretty good one dinosaur theming is not incorporated into each hole but it'd be nice wouldn't it if you were putting into the dinosaur's mouth and then it shat out a golf ball yeah yeah but uh last week we were talking about something almost as exotic as dinosaur themed mini golf indeed we were talking about a place almost as exotic as south hertfordshire we were talking about birmingham oh yes and we asked you for your underwhelming birmingham facts and you supplied you delightful people laurie birmingham does because it is an industrial

center oh yes um laurie says the birmingham museum and art gallery is the 20th most visited museum in the uk that is an underwhelming fact underwhelming i haven't corroborated any of these facts by the way but also again it's britain's second city so it ought to have some museums that people go to 20th is not that good a showing that's true although it's not so bad that it is in itself a whelming fact if it was the 40th most visited you'd be like what's going on birmingham is london is the second city to london should have but actually 20th you're like oh yeah well it's not performing as well as you'd expect it's also not extraordinary no you wouldn't go to birmingham for the museum no you might go to them once you're like, yeah, well, it's not performing as well as you'd expect. It's also not extraordinary. No.

You wouldn't go to Birmingham for the museums. No. But you might go to them once you're in Birmingham. This is why it is an underwhelming fact. True that. So well done, Laurie. Lizzie got in touch via Twitter, in fact, at Helen and Ollie, if you would like to write to us there.

With your own underwhelming Birmingham fact. Twitter was invented in Birmingham. She says, at the Penn Museum in Brum, I learnt over 95% of pen nibs in the world in the 19th century were made in Birmingham. Wow, 95%?

Yeah. That is good. Well, Shakespeare is from the Birmingham area, of course. It's a pretty broad definition of the Birmingham area, though, isn't it?

Stratford's not far from Birmingham. It's also not near Birmingham. Yeah, I mean, Paris isn't far from Birmingham, really, from a global perspective. Chris from March. Hello, Molly.

Answer me this. Is it possible to put your hand in a fish batter and put your hand in a deep fat fryer without giving yourself serious injury? I'm going to hazard a guess that that would hurt a lot. You probably would lose your hand. I think what Chris is suggesting here is that the batter would provide some form of protection against the oil.

It would stop your hand from drying out during cooking, sure. Keep it nice and succulent. But you know when they put, say, a bit of raw fish or chicken in batter in oil, it does cook through. So yes, this would hurt, Chris. However, it's assuming that you are not Can Try Chan from Chang Mei. No.

The man who holds the Guinness World Record for picking 20 pieces of fried chicken out of 480 degrees centigrade boiling fat in one minute. Did he have any protective batter on his hand? With his bare hands. Oh! I know you don't read Mail Online on principle, Helen. I don't.

But just to give you a glimpse into what you're missing, this had one of my favourite sentences in any Mail Online article. He discovered his rare talent when a nearby squirrel dropped a mango into his chicken pot. What? He sells chicken, fried chicken from a roadside stall in Chiang Mai. Oh, right. He was cooking and a squirrel eating a mango, a common thing in Thailand, I suppose, dropped the mango from a height into his boiling fat

and it landed all up his body and all over his hands. All of his co-workers thought he'd have to go to hospital. They thought he'd be having a week off. You know, he wouldn't be back at his roadside store the next day. And yet there he was because he went home, woke up, and he hadn't been burned. And he's got some sort of weird, obviously some odd genetic kind of indemnity.

How is that possible, even? Is his skin made out of asbestos or barber jackets or something? None of the articles that I've read about him have actually explained biologically what's happening, which would be really interesting, wouldn't it? But he's obviously got something special in his skin make-up that means that he doesn't burn. It's so weird.

Proteins start to denature at 47 degrees. 480 degrees, he would just be... He would physically be cooking his hands, whether he felt it or not. I'm not making it up, Martin. There are videos of this on YouTube. And people watch them for pleasure? Well, whilst we talk about disturbing YouTube videos,

there's a question about YouTube from Fiona. She says, I've become addicted to watching YouTube channels aimed at young women like myself dedicated to clothes, e.g. outfit of the day, makeup tutorials and product reviews. Righto. This is what happens when they close the youth centres, isn't it, Helen? Have to look at that video of that girl curling her hair and then a bit of it burns off.

Oh, I've seen that loads. That is really funny. That is still funny. That's not how to do it. I now have a burning desire to become a YouTube blogger as well. Are they still called YouTube bloggers? I thought it was vloggers anyway. Yeah, there was a time where they were really trying to get vlogger off the ground. Isn't it vlogcasting?

Awful word. It is awful, isn't it? I suppose video maker's probably better though, actually. Yeah, even YouTuber. YouTuber, yeah, yeah, yeah. Video dreamer. Anyway, my opinions are valid, aren't they, says Fiona. Yes, they are. Don't know how dangerous you are. The point is they're as valid as most other people

who have taken the step of making videos. Fair enough. I would happily test out new products, she continues, and dress up for strangers like myself. Well, that's very altruistic of you. I'll put some clothes on. The only problem is I'm not really that make-up savvy. Got all the makings of a great comedy YouTube channel here.

Hence my need to watch tutorials online in the first place right so helen asked me this should i do it if you're not that good at makeup firstly fiona don't do makeup tutorials unless you're really really bad because then it will be funny and people will watch them but if you're just average or learning why would people watch that they're probably not really really bad because anyone who's really really bad like the really really bad singers on the x factor don't have the self-awareness to know they're, really bad because anyone who's really, really bad, like the really, really bad singers on The X Factor, don't have the self-awareness to know they're really, really bad because usually they've got a screw loose. Yeah, but what you need either is expertise or fail and anything in between is not worth having.

So what are you good at, Fiona, that you could legitimately show people? Try some stuff out. I think whatever you do, keep the videos brief. Yes, three to five minutes max. I think for a makeup or hair or clothes thing, probably two minutes will suffice. I think don't do an introduction. I think until you've got a fan base, it's indulgent to do

an introduction. Because people have found that video, if they found it at all, because they're searching glittery curly tongue or whatever, and then they want to see you using that glittery curly tongue. What they don't want is a minute of you saying, hey guys, been a month since I last did a video, I know you're all wondering, they don't want is like a minute of you saying hey guys been a month since i last did a video i know you're all wondering they don't care because it's been two years since you made it and uh anyway i'm going on holiday next summer really looking

forward to that but in the meantime just thought i'd do a video and i'm calling this video glittery curly tongues you're watching i fucking know that because i search for it and it's called that oh you don't that's the mark maron technique he's enormously successful yeah but that's what i mean it's all right once people know who you are. You can, for example, do an episode in which the first two minutes you self-indulgently recount your day and talk about your house and the country. But what you can't do is take the audience for granted unless you know that they're still going to be there after that two minutes. That's all I'm saying.

Yeah. But let us know what you choose, Fiona, and then send us a link to the videos. But I think go a bit further afield than you're currently imagining. I suppose with makeup tutorials, it's a case of doing something that other people aren't doing, isn't it? And so really, what is there? Because you don't really, I'm imagining,

want to do something very outre unless that's very you. Yesterday on Oxford Street, I saw a black guy in white face and I thought, that's unusual. That is unusual. What was he doing? So I think he was advertising one of those golf sale things. I can't decide whether those golf sale sign guys whether that's a good low minimum wage job or a bad one it's bad because it's sort of offensive to your own

sense of self-worth that you're wearing a big sign you could be replaced by a pillar wearing a big sign exactly but it's good by a pillar wearing a big sign. Exactly. But it's good in that... Gets you outside, meeting people. Yeah, exactly. I mean, actually, it's good people watching. My friend, when I was a kid, used to walk up to those guys and go, excuse me, do you know where there's a golf sale on the air?

Hilarious. How did they respond? They didn't speak English, so they just... Well, they pretended they didn't because they couldn't be bothered to dignify that with a response for the 200th time that day. Possibly. If you've got a question, email your question to answer me this podcast at googlemail.com.

Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com. Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com. Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com. So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday,

the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospecters. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Now, it's been a big week, obviously. We've all been looking at the photos of the longest baby in the world. Or so it appears, because he's wearing a dress. Hide his

forefoot legs. I'm talking, of course, about course about prince george corpse bride and his christening um which is a joyous celebration for the whole country the indoctrination of a baby into a state religion do you know what i just think it's so wonderful that so many people still think that the divine right of kings is worth celebrating um and by that i mean i don't why are you all so stupid and accordingly we have a question of christenings from dave uh who says my mum had a close girlfriend from her childhood growing up in old crawley town to accept the job of being my godmother i'm 43 now and cannot remember seeing her nor getting any birthday cards from her since i was Godmother fail. That is a fail, isn't it?

Yeah, at least a card with a £10 note in it. Do you think that's the minimum obligation? Because actually, financially, that's quite a commitment over someone's life, isn't it? Yeah, but you stop when they're 18. When they're 18, you give them £100 and that's effectively a buyout. I was going to say, because otherwise she'd be £430 down by this stage. You think about it like that. It's quite a big investment, isn't it, to be a godmother?

It is an imposition. Fortunately, I only need to Google Prince William to see her. He's a man! What are you talking about? He'll explain. And discover what she's been up to. As she is none other than Jessica Webb. Who is...

No idea. Who's Jessica Webb. Who is... No idea. Who's Jessica Webb? Is that Prince William when he wears a dress? This is quite interesting, actually. Jessica Webb is Prince William's nanny. Oh! Oh, so she was busy failing Dave because she was bringing up the royals.

Yeah. Although, doesn't explain why she slacked him off in all of the years before Prince William was born, because Prince William is, what, early 30s? So she could have been around for at least Dave's first 10 years. That's right, yeah. Well, obviously, she had a lot of networking to do to get into the circles to become Prince William's nanny.

You don't just get that by applying to an agency, do you? Apparently, she's the one who used to scoop up William when Charles and Di were shouting at each other. And that's why William has such affection for her that he called her back to be George's nanny, even though she's now 71. Anyway, Dave says, beautifully ironic this, don't you think? Yes.

A little too ironic. He says, Helen, answer me this. I know the concept and reasoning behind parents wanting stand-ins should anything happen to them, but where did godparent come from? And is it only a Christian, Western, cultural idea uh i think it is dominantly christian because for instance in judaism we don't have them and i think it's because the family obligation is understood to be so strong you don't need to nominate people you know jewish

family is really the ties that bind are considered very strong that's true but you could say that couldn't you about a lot of other ethnic communities and actually i mean when godparents came about nonetheless we were still at a time where people traditionally lived closer to their families than they do now so it's not as if that wasn't inevitable anyway people had large families it's still an honorary thing isn't it? Well godparents came about in the very early days of Christianity so 200 or so AD and the idea was that these were people that were not your parents in some ways they were superior to your parents because they were in charge of your spiritual education and their existence would ensure that that continued even if your parents died but yeah it was considered a really really important role so the the primary objective was the spiritual enlightenment yes but

then actually it did become quite strategic because like marriages you were you were forging bonds with powerful and influential people and um i read about that in in italy there was a child in the 15th century that had three godmothers and 22 godfathers now that is silly i know that you're trying to get as much out of this child as possible how much spiritual enlightenment do you need and imagine getting 22 pewter tankards would you feel comfortable being asked to be a godmother now because you're not Christian and you don't believe in God? But on the other hand, it's an honorary thing and if the parents asked you,

they probably weren't taking the god thing that seriously either and they were bestowing it on you just as an honour. I would be comfortable with being a secular godparent, which I call spare-ent, but I could not in conscience stand up in a church and agree to the things you have to agree to

in the ceremony. Right, but then... I'd be struck by lightning. Yeah, but then... I mean, you call it spare-ent, but they call it godparent. Are you comfortable with that? Let's call the whole thing off.

I think as long as they know what they're getting. Yeah, I think anyone who elected me for that, and no one has thus far, I think they would know my position on matters religious. Martin, would you be a godfather?

Yeah, I quite like the idea, actually. Horse's head in the bed. Yeah, I was just going to say, what you meant to say was, yeah, I quite like the idea, actually. Come to me on the day of my daughter's wedding. Well, that was all very enlightening. We have yet another question about the royal family on the phone line. Hi, this is Roman Mars from East Bay of California.

Well, some of you are going to be very excited to hear the mellifluous tones of our fellow podcaster, Roman Mars. Celebrity pod call. Of 99% invisible. Someone sent me a picture of a clock radio in a broadcast studio with a series of lights on the bottom. There was red, green, and yellow,

all which I can't surmise. But there's also this mysterious white indicator bulb and the photographer told me that she was told that this light was only illuminated when a member of the royal family has died and this is a standard feature in british radio stations so helen and ollie answer me this is this true if so, I want to know everything about the royal family death light. Yes, Roman, this light definitely does exist. Does it? Yes. Oh, oh. And I can speak from experience on this because only two weeks ago, I was covering the JVS show mid mornings on BBC Three Counties Radio. Did you have to get trained for what to do in the event of a royal

death? Well, no, but it's so endemic to the culture of BBC radio that there are posters on the wall informing you what to do. You don't need to be trained. But I've never seen that in a BBC studio that I've been in. Is this a specific BBC Three Counties? Well, I think it might be that the studios at Three Counties, you know, perfectly functional as they are for making great quality local radio yes are very old

they were built in something like 1970 yeah so I think possibly the new studios at the BBC they'll still have this light by the way really but to be honest it's more relevant nowadays for that light to be in the producer's gallery good to be in the sight of the presenter yes but back in the day the presenter and the producer would be in the same room or perhaps the presenter be running their own sliders you know using their own board and therefore they'd need to know when the light was flashing but there are a lot of lights in the studio but on the clock i think the the three lights that are on the actual clock are the ones that tell you that your mic is live that your mic's about to go live or that your mic's not live which means you're free to slug people off all i know is there's a a light, and I said to the producer, is that the light that flashes when the royal family die?

And he said yes. And I looked at the notice board in the corridor, and this is what it says. In the event of a category one death, right? And then it specifies what the category one death is. The Queen, Prince Philip, Prince Charles, or Prince William. That's it.

So it doesn't apply to Harry, doesn't apply to Kate Middleton. It will apply to the baby now, they just haven't updated it. Yes, I think that's probably true. But it's got to be an heir or the... Directly in line to the throne. Doesn't apply to Camilla. It says here, if any one of them dies, the RATS machine...

RATS! And I think that stands for like Royal... Royal Apocalypse Terror Syndrome. Yeah. No, but I think it probably is Royal Announcement Something System. The rats machine under the TV in the newsroom will sound an alarm. There will also be a flash on ENPS. And that's the software that all the BBC radio stations use to sort of do their output.

And then it says, do not announce anything on air. You're supposed to call the editor of the station. And then it doesn't say what happens next but my understanding is she then calls all the other local radio stations and they simultaneously switch to some form of output which then informs soberly to the country that the queen has or whoever has died and the reason for that basically is what they don't want is the drive time presenter on bbc suffolk to say oh seeing on twitter hashtag queen dead what's that about so any inkling of that and that you get a formal bbc announcement just like in the old days well my friend maria who has been a radio producer

for many years told me that what happens when the queen dies or presumably the other category ones is that all of the bbc stations switch to radio 4 oh it's radio 4 is it yeah but the speed of it varies on on the criticalness of the death so i think for the queen radio 1 would interrupt an ellie goulding song yeah i think philip they'd wait till the end of the song and then do it that's a good level of detail yeah but i don't know who's in radio 4 at the time because sometimes it's a pre-record i think probably the newsreader would be kept on hand at that point just to say things until they had a more substantial amount of information

and a plan in place. I'm really surprised that Radio 1 would switch to Radio 4. I can believe that all the local stations would. Well, you remember when Princess Diana died, and I don't know what happened on the day because I wasn't listening to Radio 1. But Radio 1 just became like magic, basically, didn't it? Oh, it was unbearable. So for two weeks, pretty much, until until her funeral they just played one by you two

and and then instrumentals and it was hideous and i just thought if you're looking to mourn princess diana this probably isn't the radio station you would go to to do it so you could up the output a bit yes i think it's understandable on the day of the death and the day of the funeral that you don't play lively music. And even in between. I don't see why you have to interrupt normal programming. Not to that level of shitness. Yeah. It'd be interesting to see what happens this time round, though, actually,

because... She's never going to die. She's never going to die. I suspect that all the different BBC-branded stations have got playlists ready that reflect their musical taste. So, like, Six Music, what are they going to play? What are Asian Network going to play when Prince Philip dies? At my village feet, my hotcakes sell like hotcakes.

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yes indeed big thanks to squarespace.com for sponsoring this episode. Thank you, Squarespace. Thank you, Squarespace. You've kept Martin the Sandman in chocolate buttons today. And, yeah, how are you getting on with those?

I've never seen such selfishness. I mean, the man's opened a whole packet of chocolate buttons. He hasn't even offered me one. Now he's eaten them all. You're on a diet. You're on a diet. It's out of consideration for me. It's still polite, isn't it, to offer?

It's polite to offer and test Ollie's willpower, Martin. It's incredibly rude to offer chocolate buttons to a big fat man. Martin, it's incredibly rude to call anyone a big fat man. And it would be almost as rude to offer chocolate buttons to someone looking as slim as you are following your recent diet. Amazing last minute save. And also, Martin's sitting there with your cat Coco, bold as brass, i know corrupting her

i know she should be on my lap damn it uh anyway yes what were we saying um yes square space right yeah square space do this thing we haven't talked about before it's called square space commerce what does that do uh you can sell stuff so for example a t-shirt for your band yes and you can do that on the same site the same platform that you are selling, for example, the digital download of your band's album, and all on the same platform as where you're taking donations to your band. It's a department store rather than a mall with lots of different stores. So you can have your two weeks of fun playing around with Squarespace and its commercial possibilities.

But if you want to keep the site that you've built, then just enter the code ANSWER10. That's right, for 10% off. 10 handsome percent. Anyway, here is a question about computing from Carl, who says, cast your minds back to 1999 and all the hype surrounding the turn of the century,

but more importantly, my dad. There was no hype surrounding your dad, Carl. I remember the millennium. I remember all those shows going, Carl's dad, Carl's dad, Carl's dad. And then afterwards, all those clip shows going, do dad carl's dad and then afterwards all those clip shows going god you remember carl's dad what was that about uh carl says my dad was obsessed about the millennium bug what a queer man he was convinced that the world was going to end

it wasn't a bug like ebola that had gone airborne it was there was a lot of hype wasn't there he probably wasn't alone in thinking this well the millennium was rubbish and it was just one of the many things that were rubbish about it. He stocked the house full of supplies, like Brendan Fraser's parents in Blast from the Past. Oh, that was a great film. Then, when that wasn't good enough,

he booked us out of school for two months and we moved to Thailand where we lived in a hut away from technology. Wow. That is super paranoid. Actually, that...

With silver foil hats on. Carl says, Ollie, answer me this. Why did everyone go so mental was there a real threat or is my dad bonkers well i think we all know the answer to the last question is one we're going to internalize but let me answer the first two um why did everyone go so mental and was there a real threat everyone went so mental because of the media coverage and i would include international

governments in this which is what was so extraordinary about this international governments were doing nothing about the millennium bug until there was media coverage about it and then we actually had a millennium bug minister in this country who was in charge of it who was that and i don't know some some sort of labor right um obviously it wasn't you know a senior minister it wasn't a secretary of state but there was someone who was put in charge of it. And that was because of the media hype. Now, for listeners that are young enough to not even remember what the Millennium Bug was, it was the concern that when the turn of the millennium happened... None of the technological devices were prepared for it.

Which actually was less concerning in 1999, actually, than it would be today. Because now there are far more. There are far more and everything really is linked up to each other. There was the theory that computers wouldn't be able to cope with the figures 99, as in 1999, turning to 00, because they'd think it was like BC if it went to 00. A lot of the really old computers that were built in the 60s and 70s didn't think they'd be still operating in 30 or 40 years' time.

Correct. And those were the computers that operated things like nuclear power stations, hydroelectric jet dams. Well, that was the perceived threat. But then the question is, was there a real threat? I mean, of course, as it turned out, no, there wasn't a real threat. And that wasn't because people had Millennium Bug ministers. I think we had to reset the clock on our video.

Exactly. It was a terrible day. It's because, as it turned out the threat that martin describes only ever really applied to computers that had embedded clocks and actually that really was only windows desktops and actually the kind of computers you're describing that run infrastructure weren't windows desktops anyway there was bespoke design computing things um and it also out of that subset of computers only actually applied to computers that measured the date using two figures rather than four because any computer that used 2000 rather than 00 would

understand what it was anyway and this whole thing this whole myth really apparently seemed to spring up from one computer engineer in toronto called peter de jager cheeky, cheeky Peter Diaga. Who worked in this field of, I guess, preventative computer meltdowns. This was his area of study. And he spoke to a paper in Toronto about the potential risk in the future. He didn't say he knew what was going to happen because he didn't. No scientist did. He just said, I think there's a story here. You know, the numbers are going to go to zero and we don't know what's going to happen. And that didn't really fly as a story. It got some coverage in his paper in Toronto.

It was only when he started upping the ante in other interviews, you know, people read that article and then asked him about it. And he was like, well, what could happen is all of the prison doors that are operated by computer could open spontaneously. And what could happen is all the power plants could explode. He was just speaking off the cuff.

He was just saying these are things that could happen. But he never actually said it would, and no one knew. No one knew whether it would or wouldn't happen, including the experts, so-called, who popped up selling books and videos off the back of this telling you how to safeguard yourself against the millennium bug. Wait, wait, but that's... Isn't that really easy to test those books?

You just fake, you know, artificially set your computer clock to the 31st of December 1999 and wait for it to roll over and say, does the operating system crash? What parts of the operating system crash? This is like bug testing 101. The weird thing was, there were already computers that were dealing with dates into 2000.

For example, computers that were people booking holidays or insurance policies and so they knew that computers could cope with 2000 it's a story though isn't it and people love the story i suppose also if it had happened and everything had gone to shit then they would have looked remiss for not having reported it not having reported that of course it could happen yes the problem is the tone was a bit too hysterical a bit much all of these stories, I would have rather have gone to Thailand for two months and lived in the hut than had to sit through them.

Yeah, that's true. It was very tedious. And also the millennium, like millennium Eve, I didn't have that good a time. Did you? I was in St. Lucia. It was brilliant.

Oh, all right. I was in Bristol. So how different we are. What happened in Bristol in millennium Eve? We were watching out the window as a guy got a blowjob in a shop doorway while a procession walked past. Sounds amazing.

Also had a big furry hat on and so when I was walking around in the street, people coming up going, hello Boris Yeltsin. If you've got a question, answer me, there's a podcast

at googlemail.com But you haven't got a school, answer me, there's a podcast at googlemail.com Or if you really have to 020812358 Double seven

You're up with the time Answer me this podcast At googlemail.com So ask your question to Ellen and Ali Find the sound of the ship Or the territory's air Answer me this broadcast

To Google Mail.com That jingle was by listener Gilbert. Thanks very much for that, Gilbert. It's a bit Beach Boys-y, isn't it? It's very much like late period Beach Boys. It's a bit like the kind of effects they put on Ozzy Osbourne's voice now when he tries to sing, but in a Beach Boys style.

Yes. Have you heard that new Paul McCartney song? Mercifully, no. That's not the name of the song. That's not what it's called. That would be a good name for a Paul McCartney-esque song. It's called New. It's OK. It sounds like a pastiche of Beatles songs, so you'd expect that, really. It's not going to be new forever.

But you can hear the effect on his voice. You can hear that they've had to filter his voice to make it even better. I don't think he can sing anymore. I don't think he can. I wouldn't expect a 72-year-old to be able to sing as well as he could when he was 25. The vocal cords have taken a bit of a pounding.

He's used them a lot. Well, I think the problem is his songs don't fit a blues style very well. We went to see Elton John at the iTunes Festival and he was a great performer. He was a good voice, wasn't he? He can still sing, but he can't sing falsetto anymore.

So he doesn't. He just goes I hope you don't mind instead of going up. Yeah, yeah. But Paul McCartney can't really do that because it'd be frightening if someone Hey Jude! Tom Waits does the Beatles. That's an album in their thing, isn't it? Bob Dylan had it right. He's been setting people up for decades for him losing his

voice. Anyway, apropos of music, here is a question from Mike who says I've been a long time fan of the marvellous Echo and the Bunnymen. Yeah, they're alright. And also Ian McCulloch when doing his solo stuff. Several years ago, I went to see Ian at a tiny place called the Africa Centre in Covent Garden. Oh yeah, I've been there. Have you?

Yeah, they do good African food, if that's your thing. It's not really my thing, so it was okay, but you know. And was Ian McCulloch there? Not that I recall. After the show, says Mike, I went for a leak in the venue's tiny g you know and was ian mcculloch there not that i recall after the show says mike i went for a leak in the venue's tiny gents and was pretty shocked to find myself having a wee next to ian mcculloch wow i was lost for words and mumbled only something like great show hey man nice penis why did you say anything yeah he just nodded and said something back like yeah in a way

that i translated to mean fuck off right now i'm'm having a slash. So Ollie answered me this. How much conversation with a stranger is acceptable at a urinal? And I'd imagine I know your answer on this. I'm going to go for nought. Well, interestingly, if a stranger started talking to me about something like... How much to suck you off? No. Something like... How suck you off? No. Something like... How awesome you are?

No. How they've never seen one so big? Stop it. If a stranger said to me something like... Stop pissing in the sink. Stop it. If a stranger said your urine is worryingly dark... I don't mean me as podcast Rollyman either. I just mean me as a stranger talking

to another stranger do you still have that life available to you if a stranger said to me something like oh I love this song because they could hear the song coming through the wall I'd think he's just trying to make pleasant conversation because it's an awkward situation I actually wouldn't mind

but I would never initiate that conversation even at that level because the whole thing's a bit weird. And if there's any element of celebrity involved as well, and therefore you feel that you should start the conversation with, hey man, I know who you are and I like you.

You are saying, I can see your penis and you're famous. Yeah. Don't do that. I had a toilet conversation with you today. No, you didn't. I mean, this is a perfect example. I was at the urinal having a wee. Oli comes out the cubicle and I go, oh, hi, Oli.

How are things going? He washes his hands super fast and literally runs out the toilet. He didn't even say, yeah. That's an abuse of the word, literally. I didn't run. I briskly walked away. It was very quick. I've never seen someone wash their hands that quickly. Because I don't like toilet chat. I picked up on that straight away and instantly was very quick. Like, I've never seen someone wash their hands that quickly. Because I don't like toilet chat. No, no, I know.

I picked up on that straight away and instantly regretted it. But actually, that was because I was imagining if I was you, I wouldn't want to be talking there with my dick out. I mean, actually, in that situation, I was secure. I feel weird in the other situation when I'm looking at someone whose penis is out. Like, I'm okay with having my penis out and chatting. I do that all the time. We're doing that right now.

Did you see Martin's wang? No, I didn't. Did you deliberately keep your eyes as wide as possible? No, no, he handed it back to me. I was washing my hands in the sink and he was being in the urinal. Did you see his stream of urine? I think I heard a bit. It's pretty strong, wasn't it?

I didn't rate it. I had a really good even pressure. Stop it. But anyway, the point is, I feel a bit awkward. And also, of course, worse, i usually choose a cubicle because i sometimes take a minute to get going at a urinal but we don't know whether the africa center in covent garden several years ago had had the option of a cubicle sure but what i'm saying is there are many people at the parauresis it's called the thing of shy bladder right now actually i have

that very moderately and if i wait for long enough eventually i will pee even if someone's talking to me but if someone starts you're a to me but if someone starts talking to me you're a performer but if someone starts talking to me that will distract me to the point where I might not piss for a minute and then that becomes embarrassing and then if you're thinking about it then you can't piss I'd just rather not get involved if you're standing at the Rhino next to Ian McCulloch and you're not pissing

he'll think you're just there to talk to him he'll think you're there to do a George Michael listeners I would be really interested to know if you'd had any toilet chats with a celebrity and how it went. Who is the most famous person you've pissed next to? And for women it could be the fact that you're in adjacent cubicles

and you can hear it and then you both come out and wash your hands. I think I've pissed in the same room as Hugh Edwards once. You went and had a piss on the BBC News set. Oh, I pissed next to Adam Buxton once. And on the same day I was in the toilet with Katie Mellower. That's good. Yeah, it's alright. I wouldn't have talked to her because I wouldn't have had anything

to say. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. So listeners, do email those magnificent lavatorial anecdotes or just send us a question via email, phone or Skype. All of which contact details are on our website AnswerMeThisPodcast.com where you can also find links to follow us on Facebook and Twitter.

Well, Ollie, I have very much enjoyed this field recording at your house, which is situated in fields. It's been wonderful. What a lovely novelty. It is literally a field recording. I think, if anything, Martin's too comfortable, and I think now we need to stop the recording so you can go and oust him and get your cat back.

Coco is actually asleep in his arms. It's actually quite a beautiful thing. It is beautiful if it didn't hurt so much. Anyway, listeners, we'll see you next week unless Ollie has slain Martin in a love battle. Bye!