Answer Me This! - AMT280: Tinder, Men's Fashion and the Zoltar Machine

Episode Date: November 28, 2013

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Thank you so much to everybody who has invested in our Christmas album already and has sent us some kind comments about it. Yeah, but more importantly, they're cash. They're buying the album. Cash is our favourite, but kind comments about it yeah more importantly they're cash buying the album cash is our favorite but kind comments are a semi-close second comments are welcome jonathan says yay they answer me this christmas album though i may wait until december to listen oh well not long to go now young jonathan till it be christmas day and you can buy yourself a festive goose in celebration of the christ child i don't think any of the goose shops are open on christmas day that's true actually isn't it i suppose you got your goose in advance as you

should get the answer me this christmas album in advance to psych yourself up do you think jonathan has managed to hold out to december to hear our hour-long all new yabbering about christmas things i think if he has he deserves some sort of award who could have that on their mp3 player helen and not give in to temptation to press play immediately? To open one of the presents under the tree and then rewrap it so mummy and daddy don't find out. Exactly. Alexander says,

Ollie, answer me this. What would you recommend to achieve the full answer me this Christmas experience? Heavily sedated by turkey? Well, we do talk about turkey in it and also Brussels sprouts and crackers and party food. Yeah, mid-times. So definitely it would go well, wouldn't it? As the soundtrack to your Christmas meal. Well, we do talk about turkey in it and also Brussels sprouts and crackers and party food. Yeah, mid-times. So definitely it would go well, wouldn't it, as the soundtrack to your Christmas meal.

But frankly, that's a bit depressing, isn't it, if on Christmas Day you're listening to us. Rather than talking to your family. That's right. I think probably once you've had a screaming row with a family member and you've slammed the door of your bedroom and you need to sulk for a bit, you could put it on there and that would last you an hour of sulking. That's a pretty good length of sulk. Well, if you would like to feel all Christmasy listeners don't do it by listening to lily allen covering keen they've got enough money do it by buying the answer me this christmas album

you can get it right now at answer me this podcast.com slash christmas uh now in answer me this 279 i was talking about my my hangover cure. Climbing up monuments when you're feeling a little bit rough the next morning. It's a perverse hangover cure. The steps and the fresh air works very well. No one wants to listen to steps when they're hungover. What? What? That is true.

Even Pete Waterman I think would probably draw the line there. I don't think Pete Waterman would ever exhibit the human weakness that is hangovers. Well Adrian from North London has been in touch to say helen answer me this whose brilliant idea was it to name the monument monument surely that would be like referring to eros as statue or the albert hall as building or hall why doesn't it have a proper name well it does but monument is its first name and then its surname is for the great fire of london so i think it's just that is a bit of a mouthful like we've got a friend who has six

surnames and he only uses one or two max and actually if you think about it when something's brand new it might have been the only monument when it was uh put up in um i think 1677 they finished it i dare say it was i mean it's like um like the dome. The Millennium Dome was the dome. There are other domes. Look at St Paul's. That's been around for ages. There weren't other domes that you could go in and have an unfulfilling quasi-theme park experience in.

St Paul's, again. I don't know if you've been on the Jesuit ride. It's fantastic. Did you know that the monument, your ideal hangover cure, is the tallest isolated stone column in the world? I didn't know it, but it doesn't surprise me because it's certainly a very tall isolated stone column. Sure is.

All the time I was climbing that, despite my hangover, I was thinking, this is the tallest isolated stone column that I can think of. Actually, a little tip for tourists coming to London, perhaps over Christmas. If you are intending to do the Ollyman Monument Hangover Cure, get the joint ticket. It's going to be mobbed, isn't it? There'll be loads of people just being sick on the top of Monument. It'll be like a sport. They'll paint targets on the pavement.

If you go to Monument and you get the ticket, I think if you spend something like £2 more, you can get a joint ticket to go to the Tower Bridge exhibit. It's worth doing both. If you like going up towery things. If you like going up stuff. things. If you like going up stuff. Unsupported stone columns and towers. My name is Alyssa.

I live in Coventry and I'm six years old. Helen and Ollie, answer me this. Why is caterpillars called caterpillars? Has it got anything to do with cats? Well, yes, it is sort of to do with cats. Etymologically. That's a big word for a six-year-old, Helen. it is sort of to do with cats, etymologically. That's a big word for a six-year-old, Helen. I don't mean to patronise you, Alyssa.

Can you say another word? Philologically. Much better. Because the cat was from the Latin for cat and the pillar is from the Latin for hair. So I think they just looked at the caterpillars and saw them looking a bit hairy, like, I guess, a cat's tail. Do you love caterpillars like you love hairy cats, though, Ollie? They're sort of... I can't even build up a pretend defence for them.

No, I don't have any feelings for caterpillars. I think they're sort of in the middle of the spectrum. They can be quite scary-looking and unpleasant. Especially when they're very hungry. But they're not really disgusting like flies and maggots. And they're not beautiful like butterflies or praying mantises. But, of course, they turn into beautiful butterflies, don't they, Martin? Well, some of them turn into munting butterflies.

It's unlucky. I've never seen a munting butterfly. That's because they keep themselves to themselves. I think even moths are pretty. You know, like some beautiful babies turn out to be quite plain or gross adults. It's the same with caterpillars. Yeah. Yeah.

Think about that, Alyssa. Well, here is a question from Sam who says, I am Sam, son of Countryfile's Tom Heap. Wow. Celebrity Sam. Son of the stars. Tom Heap does the investigation section in the programme Countryfile, but all is not well in the world outside Countryfile.

I'm sorry to hear that. Say it isn't so. People have started recognising my father, although they recognise him as Adam, another member of the Countryfile crew. Oh no, so this is like Tobey Maguire getting mistaken for Elijah Wood. They don't even really look alike,

Tobey Maguire and Elijah Wood, because Elijah Wood has... Actually, no, they do a bit. They're both thin, white, geeky young men. I've never confused them before, but now... You can see it. It's not like people confusing Ryan Gosling and Ryan Reynolds,

just because they're both baby Ryans. They both look like Ryan and women like him. I sort of think Elijah Wood looks like a drawing of Tobey Maguire. I've never seen Countryfile, so we looked up Tom Heap and Adam on Google Images. There is a similarity, Sam.

I can understand how this error occurs. They're both white middle-aged men who look very rural. Sandy hair. They all look the same to you, don't they, Ollie? In addition to recognising him as the wrong man, they ask him questions as if he was Adam from Countryfile so Oli answer me this how should my father

Tom Heap of Countryfile react to this and what should he say I think he should just say thank you very much and then got the wrong man like North by Northwest

no I think he should I think he should say oh actually I'm Tom but and then answer whatever question they've asked because actually the question they've asked I bet isn't a question that's specific to adam do you have a girlfriend

yeah that one's difficult but adam when you caress a log are you thinking of me but i imagine most of the questions are adam have you got wood where do you film such and such a bit or you know are you in this town that we're in right now because you're filming a thing is that a real sheep or is it someone you can answer that well? And you can answer that whether you're Adam or Tom. No, but Tom does the investigation section, which suggests to me Tom is not involved in the rest of Countryfile. So maybe he does not have the answers to these general production questions. He's certainly going to know more than your average Tom in the street. Maybe he's not a fan of Adam.

Maybe they're mortal enemies and this is why this is such a hurtful thing to happen. I think in a way it's good, Sam, that your father has one of those faces that people obviously think, oh, I recognise him. And actually in this case, more specifically, I recognise him off a specific thing. But actually isn't a person that you think immediately, oh, that's so-and-so. Because actually, I think that's really problematic if you're overly distinctive. Just the other week I saw Brian May in the top of Regent Street.ent street sure it wasn't his wife uh and that is a distinctive looking man yes and i was thinking in a way it's nice for him that he knows when people come up to him and congratulate him on his work that they are congratulating brian may on the other hand it must be sort of irritating

to know that everywhere you're going people are like oh it's brian may i knew somebody completely failed to recognize him. What? Even though she was working backstage at the Queen musical. What? And he'd been playing guitar as a guest spot in the Queen musical. What? And he came off and went, oh, that went well. And she went, yeah, for some reason,

they're really excited tonight. I don't know why that was. Completely failing to realise that she was in front of Brian May. Ultimate troll. Would she have recognised him if he'd have thrown back to five to do the verse? Quite possibly. Maybe she have recognised him if he'd have thrown back to five to do the verse? Quite possibly. Maybe she's just of that generation.

If you've got a question, email your question. To unsubmit this podcast, give them a mail.com. Unsubmit this podcast, give them a mail.com. Unsubmit it. Unsubmit it. Unsubmit it. So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car.

On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Almost exactly a year ago a listener called cheska got in touch to ask us whether she should take a job at disney world florida just say disney world helen as you know i'm pedantic about this there is no other disney world you don't need to clarify florida she's now been back in touch to say i asked you a question last year about

whether i should come work at disney world yes and now that is where I'm writing to you from. Yay! When you wish upon a star you will move to Florida. Yeah? Yeah. What's the next line? When you wish upon a star and you get a working visa. Yeah, that's the crucial bit.

And you're prepared to demean yourself as well by working in England land or whatever they call it because she was working in the Epcot Centre. Cheska says, I've been working here for about three months now. And unsurprisingly, I realised that a high proportion of the men here are gay.

No. And the few that are straight are snapped up immediately by girls. I was going to say, the few that are straight are dressed as giant mice. Which would be a bit disturbing. And the foam penises just won't stay up. The few that are straight are snapped up immediately by girls out of their league, or they stay infamously single, breaking hearts across the parks. You know, there are so many reasons why a behind-the-scenes documentary

looking at the way Walt Disney World is run would be fascinating. But that's one that I hadn't even considered, is the sex lives of the employees. Because, of course, you do get people from all around the world going to Florida, and they feel like, I guess, they're on permanent vacation when they work there Well they're kind of isolated aren't they Yeah exactly and they're on campus effectively Like a student campus Cheska says although this makes for a straight guy paradise

It is not ideal for the straight girls like me Who are here for a year with only vacationing men as prospects And I'd imagine a lot of the Vacationing men at Disney World Are dads Spoken for It'sing men at Disney World are dads. Yes. They're already taken. Spoken for. Yes.

It's definitely not very Disney World to separate a man from his family whilst they're at Epcot. And it's also not appropriate for Chesca to set her cap at the under 10s. I wonder as well whether it's even on brand for you to be flirting unduly with customers there. Well, some of the Disney princesses are sexy. But I still think that would be very disapproved that would be a sacking offense wouldn't it i think if you ripped off your mermaid tail and uh i think it's all right if you're dressed as daisy duck to do some mock flirtatious gestures when someone says something rude to you um but almost you're kind of left

without choice like what else do you do um because you know the face you're wearing suggests you're permanently smiling you have to find it amusing but if you're working in one of the stores and you're coming on to your customers and as you say there are families around it's very difficult to even arrange a hookup i should think off brand very off brand i think i think it is wizarding world of harry potter however oh yeah get your wand out yeah cheska says i've been single for a long time and the honeymoon nature of my workplace makes me even more eager to find a guy to spend time with yes i forgot about that but when i was at disney world there were a lot a surprising amount of honeymooning couples really what they do is if you're a honeymooning couple

there they give you a special pair of mouses that have got lace kind of on the side and your name on so that every i mean this is such a disney thing and it's out of context it sounds mental but it means that every ride you go on like literally every ride you go on every restaurant you go to in the park the person who's operating pulling the levers and speaking on the mic will stop the ride just before and go hey and congratulations to becker and steve oh no which is just it's like it to me is blood curdlingly embarrassing but i think you get extra perks like you probably get free lunch and you get to go to the front of the queues and you don't get that without humiliation but it happens surprisingly commonly i'd go as far to say there wasn't a ride i went on without seeing a honeymooning couple that's probably the

key ollie there aren't that many honeymooning couples at disney world they just want the perks it's all a ruse cheska says i'm a bit of a hopeless romantic so i was less than enthused when my friend suggested to me that we should both try Tinder. She says, I assumed it was literally just for hookups and that it must have the worst kind of guys on it. And girls, therefore. I mean, why the double standard? Exactly. But my friend assured me

that on her recent trip back to the UK that Tinder has really taken off there and everyone is on it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, everyone's on it. Harry Styles, Lord Lloyd Webber. We're all on it. Aren't we cheating on our partners?

Everyone's on it. So, Ollie, answer me this. What is the deal with Tinder? Is it becoming a thing and is it just for hookups okay i actually think it is becoming a thing yes now it is everywhere in terms of people mentioning it i think it's been very big this year and also i think it is unusual for such an app to have been so big amongst straight women yes thus far and for them to feel safe enough but i think because it links to people's facebooks that they they don't feel like they're just going to meet a total stranger that happens to be within 500 meters yes it does so for anyone who's completely ignorant of this and hasn't seen any of this

tinder is you'd heard of grinder which is the gay one right which has been out for a couple of years and maybe growler which the similar one for bears i did not know about that brender which is for lesbians are you making these up no okay um i don't have the imagination i couldn't tell there's durer for qualified medics um but what it is is it's an app that taps into your facebook profile takes a picture from your facebook profile you can choose which one it is oh god and then finds people who are friends of your friends or friends of friends of friends of those who are in your local area yeah then you swipe the people you're physically attracted to and only if they swipe you back are you then able to have a chat with them so you don't get harassed by people you don't fancy

it's a bit like speed dating in that way as well if you both check the box then you get each other's contacts at the end and apparently straight women feel like this is not so rapey yes which is interesting because of course it really is about casual sex underneath it all women are allowed to want that Ollie

well this is the thing isn't it I think a lot of people are surprised by that being the case but absolutely i think it's it's finally an example where young straight women feel like they can engage in saying online that they want to have casual sex because they know that the only people they're saying it to are people who feel the same way about them and they can ignore anyone they don't like who feels that way about them but i think some people are also using it for dating not just hookups because it's free unlike most of the dating websites the thing is chesca you can just get the app and then have a look at it and you don't have to do anything you can just see if you like it well i suspect this is part of the reason

why a lot of women are on there as i understand it a lot of people and of course men would do this too but i think women particularly a lot of people go on there even if they're in a relationship apparently just to see if they're still fanciable oh my god they don't have any intention of following through it's just that they want to see how many people that they've ticked would would also tick them it's all about the ego isn't it yeah so actually i'm not sure actually if you really are looking for a relationship whether because if you think of all the people that are on there just to do that and then all the people that are on there just for casual sex wasting your time exactly and people really want a

relationship well then where's she going to find one maybe someone who works in one of the disney gift shops or a security guard actually the way to do it is i was speaking to a guy who works in the simpsons store in the universal theme park in orlando and he said to me that his wife works at the disney studios theme park and he was saying if you do it that way you get the employee perks for both sets of parks so if you're a real theme park addict what you actually want to do is you want to be cruising universal that is good advice ollie because you might have someone there who is an equal theme park geek yeah who wants to get in on the disney perks and i reckon universal they will be perhaps a bit more adult. The entire vibe of Universal Studios is a bit more adolescent.

It's a bit more sort of rip-roaring. It's all more about the roller coasters, more about sort of metal music and superheroes. So you do get people. It's less likely to be entirely populated. By gay men and players. Yes, I think that's probably right, yeah. Now, of course, the only thing that is more exciting than Disney World,

there is only one thing, and that is the Answer Me This Christmas album. That is exciting. If you haven't bought it yet, here's what you're missing. Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas. I read an amazing theory as to why Rudolph has a red nose, because reindeer's noses are not naturally red has he been in a fight well he might have because he's bullied by the other reindeer isn't he he is yeah that

could be the subtext apparently adulterers are more likely to become inadvertently outed on christmas day than any other day of the year as well wow the only thing i can think of about plum pudding that i like is that it was at once a model of the atom. What is Kwanzaa? People keep mentioning it, do they? But I have no idea what it is. During the Second World War, the Ministry of Defence commissioned a cracker maker

to tie bundles of cracker snaps together and then they were used by soldiers in training when they were pulled apart to mimic the sound of machine gunfire so they got used to it. That's horrendous. Although, obviously, it's right to be prepared for the vagaries of war, isn't it? With something horrendous. Insofar as you can prepare.

Like a Christmas cracker. Yeah, exactly. I think they took the toys out as well. What is Christmas without a scratched cornea? As Dickens famously wrote. Just a little selection of titbits from the Answer Me This Christmas album

which is available right now at answermethispodcast.com slash Christmas. Ha ha ha you said titbits.

Let's see what you listeners have been saying right now on the phone line the number for which is 0208 123 5877 Or you can Skype answer me this. Tip it.

You tip it. Hello, it's Rebecca from Letchworth. Helen and Ollie, answer me this. What is Labour Day and why can you not wear white after it? Okay, I actually don't know what Labour Day is. I'll only tell you what I know. Haven't you heard of it from American things? What I know is, it's an

American bank holiday. And I'm guessing from the name, that it has something to do with the workers. But that is it. That's all I know. And I've always wanted to know, so Helen, answer me this. I'm interested. I agree with Rebecca. What is Labour Day? I must know! I actually have always

wanted to know. Never thought to articulate it before, but I want to know the answer to this. I'm so Rebecca. What is Labour Day? I must know! I actually have always wanted to know. I've never thought to articulate it before, but I want to know the answer to this. I'm so interested. I never bothered looking it up. Yeah. Labour Day. Labour Day, as you suspected, Ollie, is a public holiday.

It's the first Monday of September. September. Kind of like our August bank holiday, but a week later. It is a holiday to respect the workers, as you suspected. But which workers and when? It was first celebrated in New York City in 1882, but it became federal law because it spread through so many states

in 1894 so it was a creation of the labor movement and was dedicated to the social and economic achievements of american workers and it is the yearly tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength prosperity and well-being of the country. It's the one day per year. One day. You're allowed to say something even vaguely socialist. How come we haven't got a capitalist day? But these are questions for another day. Canada has Labour Day on the same day as well.

I think it's less mythologised. Yes. Because they have labour laws and things like that. And the reason why this no white after Labour Day adage has come into being was, well, because it sort of symbolized the end of the summer and therefore you put away your light leisurely summer clothes you returned from your country pile to the city where you put on your business attire whether the climate demanded

it or not and apparently this became a big thing because essentially um old money want to distinguish themselves from new money who were starting to encroach on their territory in the late 19th century so they thought well one thing we could do is just invent loads of arbitrary snobbish laws that will have them really confused they won't know what to do so someone turns up at the opera with the wrong sleeve length we can like oh you can't be in our society it's like using the wrong fork yes imagine the shame okay however people like coco chanel wore white all year round and now like they're always fashion editorials all the time about winter white as if that is an original idea because it is pretty stupid although there is practicality because in summer white is is a cool color to wear because it reflects heat etc in winter it'll get

dirty from mud and grit on the road and rain and all of that it's just it's called classic for a reason white and black I just find it weird when I read any article I mean I know that

men's fashion is even more boring than women's fashion but when I read I don't read articles about women's fashion because I'm really not interested

occasionally I mean I subscribe to Esquire for other articles but I occasionally read the fashion ones articles about Daisy Lowe

with her baps out that sort of thing and it'll say oh you know Tiny Temper is pictured here in a white t-shirt and then it'll have

a commentary from someone you know Fashion Editor of the Guardian or something when you see the sleeve length yeah yeah with this white t-shirt he's really making his body pop

and I'm like it's a white t-shirt it's like it's not he probably didn't even think when he left the house that morning and I know that's

a fashion conscious man he probably just thought it's a t-shirt it's not even it's beyond classic it is just a it's nothing it's not even a color tiny temper is a bit of a dandy so he probably has a white t-shirt for every occasion and the minutiae of those t-shirts are not visible to the untrained eye of wally man oh god it's fashion is so boring though isn't it you have to make up these things to make it interesting and to keep selling units like well this t-shirt is radically different to last year people picking endlessly over the like different varieties of though isn't it you have to make up these things to make it interesting to keep selling units like well this t-shirt is radically different to last year it's like people picking endlessly over the like different varieties of porridge isn't it well this is a very salty

porridge lovely grain size and then the bottom line is when you read through these articles comparing men's fashions and men's looks the one that all the judges can agree on will be some premiership footballer wearing guess what a black armani suit like there's nothing wrong with this style this looks good at any age yeah because that's men's fashion yeah so everything else you've said in the other 200 pages of this magazine is bullshit isn't it after my commute when i find the time i can always send a question to the question line inquiries are wanted as a part of the plan. I'll have Helen or Holly or Martin the sound man.

Answer me this podcast. Podcast at gmail.com Answer me this podcast. Podcast at gmail.com at gmail.com Here's a question from Ash Faye in Edinburgh, who says, I work in a library library and last week i had the

rather dubious pleasure of asking one of our patrons to not clip her fingernails in the library that's disgusting it is disgusting when i was talking about it later with my co-workers says ashfay i was a bit surprised at how opinionated everyone was about where is or isn't appropriate to cut nails one woman thought it should only be done outside. Another, only in the bathroom, though any bathroom was okay, not just her own. A third thought anywhere in your own house, but nowhere else, and so on.

Ollie answered me this. Where do you cut your nails? And where would you definitely not do it? In answer to the first question, where do I cut my nails? I've got a study in my house. It's your nail clipping room. It's where I do... A beautification salon do beautification salon yeah exactly it's groom yourself yeah i guess that's the thing isn't it even though it's a place where i work it's the closest thing i have to like my girlfriend

has a dresser with her makeup on it i don't it's the closest i have to a grooming station is there but i think generally speaking in terms of clipping your nails in public that is disgusting yes um and there's a very very simple rule on this one Only clip your nails where you would get naked If it's a place where you would get naked Therefore changing rooms in a public swimming pool Fine Your bedroom Fine

Your bathroom Fine Your own house Not in the bedroom or bathroom Yes but only if there's no one else around Your own garden if it's not overlooked Exactly A friend's bathroom or spare room Only if you're staying with them Not in the bedroom or bathroom, yes, but only if there's no one else around. Your own garden if it's not overlooked. Exactly.

A friend's bathroom or spare room only if you're staying with them. And only if you're very tidy about where you put the bits. So there you are, that's the rubric. I think that's good because I've been on several buses and tubes where people are doing it and it's the noise. I also dislike it when people are plucking their eyebrows on the tube. It's also, I think there's an element of detritus as well, isn't there? The thing about plucking your eyebrows and filing or clipping your nails is that you are leaving bits of your body somewhere now i know that bits of your skin and dandruff and everything

fall off anyway but you're choosing to leave bits of your body lying around and a witch doctor could scoop all that up and do bad things with it here's a question from gareth in chorleywood who says helen answer me this in the film, how did the wish machine know... It's older. ...that the kid wanted to be older? It has no prior knowledge. Oh, you say that, but... The whole point of it was that the wish was kind of a double-edged sword.

It was to teach him a lesson, wasn't it? As much as it was to fulfil his desires. Yes, because he says, the kid says, I'd want to be big. But you have to be very specific when you're dealing with a supernatural machine. It's like the guy from Greek mythology who wished to live forever, but didn't specify that he wanted to be young forever, so he just grew older and older and older. But I think the Zoltar machine knew that by saying he wanted to be big,

the child didn't just want to be a seven-foot child or a 50-foot child. He wanted to be an adult he wanted that kind of bigness the thing is we both identify with this because as children we both desperately wanted to be grown up um but we actually genuinely wanted to sit around and have the kind of conversations we're having now whereas most kids want to be grown-ups just so they can buy whatever toys they want drive a car they don't kiss a girl they don't think oh i want to be a grown-up so that i can set up a direct debit for my council tax. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whereas, you know, we actually enjoy

that kind of admin and discussing it. Well, I don't enjoy it but I accept it. So I think part of the point of the film is that the kid doesn't really understand what being big or even being an adult is. And actually, it's a cautionary tale. The whole film is a cautionary tale, isn't it? If you ask to be big, then maybe you'll get a high-flying job in a toy company and you get

to go out with Elizabeth Perkins. Oh, poor you. And you get to have an amazing flat. And you get to play that, then maybe you'll get a high-flying job in a toy company and you get to go out with Elizabeth Perkins. Oh, poor you. And you get to have an amazing flat. And you get to play that giant keyboard in FAO Schwartz. You get everything. Oh, what a horrible cautionary tale. Boo-hoo. Home Alone's kind of like that as well, isn't it?

It's the same wish fulfilment. There are terrifying burglars in Home Alone, though. There are. But he deals with them in a fun way that the child watching is still thinking, this is fantasy wish fulfilment. They're not thinking, I want my mummy and daddy. I want my terrible family that we saw depicted in the first scene to return.

They're thinking, I wish I had enough micromachines to see off Joe Pesci. Yeah, exactly. I wish I could make animatronic adult party guest cutouts. I wish I could throw a brick at a man's face. Hideously violent, isn't it? They blow torture at one point and smash a paint can into his face. I'm actually surprised isn't it? They blow torture him at one point and smash a paint can into his face.

I'm actually surprised they got away with as much as they did. Hey, 30s, 90s. Even as a kid, I mean, I was a bit older than I guess it was aimed at. I found it pretty horrible. You're very delicate, Martin. Well, like Tom and Jerry, it's a cartoon, but as soon as you transfer any of that stuff into live action,

unless it's like Beetlejuice, who is kind of a cartoon character, you know? But these were like real people being set fire to I felt very bad for them there was the moment where Daniel Stern

falls through two floors of a house onto his shoulder what kind of flooring? wooden flooring and you just know that that's a break in

he'd probably die it's a lot of physio he'd certainly dislocate both shoulders and break both legs he'd have like a bone sticking out of his arm

and it's no longer funny then, is it? Really? That's the problem with being an adult. Comedy violence is no longer funny. And that's probably why he wished not to be big at the end of Big. Because he could no longer enjoy such films as Home Alone, which I don't think could be made at the time of Big. Yes, but of course, Zaltso or whatever he's called.

Zaltor. I might start calling you Zaltor. All right, yeah. Zaltor. I might start calling you Zaltor. All right, yeah. Zaltor. Imagine if there was a machine with me in it. You put in a pound and you get a little card with some shit that I've said on it. Or just something really pedantic

about something you said earlier. If you can't use pronouns properly, don't use them at all. That's what it would say to everybody. Well, listeners, that brings us to the end of this episode. And as this is the 40th episode of the year, it means we've reached our quota for episodes of Answer Me This for the year. We have to stop for tax reasons.

And also just numerical neatness reasons. And also because we can't bear each other's faces anymore, or voices. It's not your face, it's the things you say with your face. But if you want more of us, it's good news for you, because we're going to take the next week off, but then we're back with two best of episodes, recapping everything that's happened in 2013 that was even remotely amusing. Also, as we may have mentioned, the Answer Me This Christmas album is out now. I hear that's got a load of material that you can't get from the episodes.

That's right. So if you want one hour of all new material of us chatting Christmas... At a very reasonable price. Yes, £2.49. Given how much the average person spends on Christmas in this country. Correct. It's like the price of a bad card from Clinton's, isn't it? It's less than a dozen vol-au-vents from Iceland, I believe. Then all of that, the Christmas album and the best of Answer Me This can be found on our website.

AnswerMeThisPodcast.com And of course, visit there if you need our contact details to send us a question for Answer Me This in 2014 because we're planning to come back. Planning to come back for an eighth year of Answer Me This.

Oh my God, don't put it in those terms. Terrible. We're a national institution at this point. We should be in an institution. Hey. Yeah. The next episode is going to be like a Shutter Island reveal that actually we are in an institution. Well, The next episode is going to be Like a Shutter Island reveal

That actually we are in an institution Well well done Martin For ending the year With ruining a really good film For anyone who hasn't seen it Oh Martin But we'll see you in a couple of weeks For the best of part one

Bye