Answer Me This! - AMT281: Ice Sculptures, Pubs and Cat Litter

Episode Date: January 16, 2014

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Was Uncle Bulgaria on a working visa? Answer me this, answer me this Is Lee Ryan just a fanny teaser? Answer me this, answer me this Helen and Ollie, answer me this Hello listeners and welcome to another year of Answer Me This! The adventure begins all over again Our eighth year

I think when I was eight i was already semi-fluent in latin you were at your intellectual peak it's been a decline ever since let's hope it's not the same for the podcast but things are changing here not just because we're on the intellectual decline but because ollie has some very exciting life news life news makes it sound like i'm about to say i'm having a baby. I'm not. It's none of those things. No, the exciting life news which Helen refers is I am now a full paid professional radio presenter. You've got a full time job. That's right.

Five days a week. Judas. So yes, listeners in London or indeed anywhere near a computer can listen to me. Or other internet conveying device. Can listen to me weeknights from 1 till 4am. Oh yes, it's a primetime slot. On LBC 97.3.

Yeah. So there's the rub. The hours 1 till 4am are inhospitable to other aspects of one's life. I wake up at 2pm and then sleep in a separate bed to my partner five nights a week. But I'm getting used to it and I'm enjoying it and I'm taking calls. And the cool thing is when people call in, if they've ever called the station before, it flashes up with their real name and what they said last time.

And the other day I did a gambling phone in and a guy called in. I won't say who he is, but he is a knight of the realm. And he'd previously been on the station talking about his he is a knight of the realm and he'd previously been on the station talking about his responsibilities as a knight of the realm and it wasn't just someone else using his phone no and he was calling up as you know Nigel from Temple Fortune or whatever

to say that he does spread baiting on horses and everyone should bet on the horses and I was like wow that's a Daily Mail story isn't it that I could leak but I won't no because your job's too new that's right but it's not all cakes and ale

and by cakes and ale I mean finding out salacious facts about knights of the realm and talking to insomniacs. About immigration. Yep. The fact is that working in the night, as Ollie suggested a few weeks ago when we advised a listener who was doing a night job how to get by, it's difficult.

It's draining on your time. You might be able to predict where we're going with this, listeners. We are going to still carry on the podcast, though. We giving you up we couldn't we're not and i want to say that straight away you know we're not everyone who who tweeted me and congratulated me and then also said please don't ever give up the podcast or i'll kill you uh i take your attachment to our product very seriously we will give up the podcast when i kill ollie what lovely listeners we have and the thing is listeners this is a very crafted product this show uh and very polished you would certainly know that uh just from listening and uh as you might imagine it takes many many hours when we're doing this on a weekly basis by the time you factor in all the time it takes to drive down here from hartfordshire to crystal

palace that's your fault for moving there you're on a direct train line sort through the inbox and choose all the questions we're going to answer record the episode edit the episode distribute the episode it stacks up to about a half a working week per episode yeah doing that within the format of having a a nighttime job isn't very practical as often as we used to so so here's the news answer me this is now a fortnightly proposition however on the plus side it's going to be longer yeah every episode there's going to be at least 15 minutes of Ollie talking about how Capri was working at night. Yeah, or just, you know, sometimes you open your mouth when you're really tired and gibberish comes out.

How will we know the difference? Hoody hoody hoo. And to be honest, if this job hadn't come along, probably at some point this year... I would have killed Ollie. We would have had enough of seeing each other every single fucking day. Do you know, even though you've only been in the job a few weeks,

I feel much more refreshed about having to see you. Me too. That's because you're delirious from sleep deprivation. It's the coffee talking. Yeah, I mean, you're not seeing me,

you're seeing a talking panda. So I think this actually may have weirdly preserved long-term Answer Me This for longer than actually it may have run its course anyway. So hold on to that thought, listeners. Think about that.

And thank you for your understanding. And unswerving loyalty. On with the questions. Hello, Helen and Ollie, Martin Salmon. Sam here from Worcester. But basically, I'm stuck on a coach because my train home got cancelled. Anyway, Helen and Ollie, Answer Me This. Why was last time you were on, hello, Nalani, I'm Smith.

When was the last time you were on, like, a big proper school trip coach? And where were you going to? I was on a big school-type coach only a few weeks ago, shortly before Christmas, in fact. Why? Where were you going? Well, Martin and I were on a mini break in Lille, and there's not that much to do in Lille, so we thought, let's go on a day trip to Bruges.

And that involved a coach? Well, the trains were all screwed. It was like being at home. So we had to get a coach over the border to Belgium and then get day trip to Bruges. And that involved a coach. Well, the trains were all screwed. It was like being at home. So we had to get a coach over the border to Belgium and then get two trains to Bruges. Anyway, we got to Bruges and it was well worth all that circuitous journey because there was the annual ice sculpture competition.

And what were people sculpting out of ice? Well, this year it was themed after the Disney film Frozen. So a lot of Disney princesses with very shiny boobs. There was also an ice slide, which Martin went down, but it wasn't really wide enough to accommodate any adult hips. So in other words, really a very similar experience to that depicted in the film in Bruges. I know, except where...

Except if I've got my bum stuck. Yeah, and also, spoiler, where somebody falls off the tower. There was a big Christmas market and ice rink, rather than an empty square. I think when a coach is a rail replacement service, it's understandable that the school trip jollity is not necessarily present because people haven't chosen to board the coach they're there because something else isn't available and also we were going to belgium so i don't think people would naturally do the kind of mooning out the window

type coach behavior it was all altogether more subdued and civilized but when a coach has been booked i do find there is this levity in the atmosphere uh which i think is unique to traveling by coach and i think it's because it takes everyone back to their school days alternatively it's because everyone's in the back and no one's driving there's a large number of people to muck about and they're bored yeah but same goes for a train and yet you don't get that atmosphere on a train not in the quiet coach no but the last time i took a coach that i recall was on a car rally vintage car rally with my dad we were in dublin was it a vintage coach it wasn't no absolutely bog standard carpet on the seats all of that

picked us up from a racetrack took us to a hotel despite the fact that most of the people on that coach were i would say average age 65 66 years old full-on paper airplanes cocks on the backs of seats jollity jollity and by the way i mean drawing cocks on the backs of seats i don't mean they took them out and slapped them down on the on the headrest what's the longest coach journey you've done oh good question ever ever uh i went from new york city to new york state and um i mean i know that's not far in and of itself but but where I went to New York State was I think about five hours. I think that's the longest coach journey I've done, I think. And did the coach mood translate to America?

Was it a Greyhound bus? It was, yeah. So actually... Did anyone rip a sticker chewing gum in half and give you a bit? Actually, talking about the chewing gum in half thing. Yeah. When I was a kid and we used to take school trips, my coach time snack was a loaf of bread

sliced no that's like a budget elvis yeah brown or white um white if we were going to the theater in london and the coach picked us up from outside the school that's about an hour and a half's journey um other people used to go to the corner post office in letchworth they used to get themselves a timeout bar or a bag of sweets yeah special occasion and all you know let's you know let's make a communal experience out of this let's not just buy something for myself so i'd buy a whole loaf of freshly baked bread unsliced and then people would tear chunks out of it we'd pass it around wow that's lovely is it though a bit like jesus is that is that why your friends uh from school call you loafer that's part of it yeah yeah i didn't do anything to dispel the notion that I was a bread fiend.

And you had a haircut that looked a bit like a loaf of bread because it was the 90s. Yeah, everyone did. I don't mean to be rude, but that seems a much more altruistic gesture than I would attribute to the only child Olly Mann. No offence. I suppose I was facilitating a lot of food for myself, though,

even though I was dressing it up as a gesture that other people could benefit from. You still got most of a loaf of bread out of bread at that transaction well i still got to have a chunk of bread just plain bread it wasn't wasn't a meal no dips no dips no which is yeah i mean nowadays i imagine the 16 year old ollie man would probably pick up a packet of hummus or guacamole yeah but these things weren't available in 1997 in the corner post office some squid rings yeah well here's a question from Aaron who says, Ollie, answer me this.

Professional cat litter. Who's that for? He includes a picture of a bag of cat litter that says professional cat litter on it. Yeah. I mean, I suppose obviously the simple answer to this is it's for your cat to shit on. Professionally. Not just for fun. Anyway, professional cat litter, I believe,

is designed for people who professionally work in the animal industry. So people who are running catteries, veterinarians, that kind of thing, pet shops. Why is it then freely available to our listeners who aren't in the professional cat industry? Yeah, well, I imagine because like a lot of these things, if you think about like salons electives, like you just stepped out of a salon. What happened to those? Right, all those things if you think about hair care products makeup they claim to be professional you know they'll hire people on the ad saying yeah when i do makeup for demi more i only use whatever and actually of

course they don't use that because that's the three pound one from boots but it's a way of marketing that product yes so i imagine that professional cat litter similarly if you actually run a vet or a cattery you're actually going to be buying in bulk the cheapest cat litter you can because you've got someone who you're paying £4 an hour to scoop it out on the hour so it doesn't matter anyway and you need lots of it. But they're selling to ordinary punters. Hey, this is the cat litter the professionals use. Demi Moore puts it on.

Exactly. Where Demi Moore really needs a crap, she uses this. Have you ever been tempted to go in the litter tray? Firstly, for laziness about going to toilet secondly just to see yes uh if if there if there was a sort of honey i shrunk the kids parallel universe in which i could step into a cat litter tray the size of me yes i would try it but i i couldn't fit into our cat litter tray what do you mean you couldn't fit you don't have to fit your whole body into it it's got a cat flap r1 so it's covered oh it's not a tray. It's as if it's not for human use. Exactly. And so I'd have to uncover the tray to then use it and then I'd feel dirty inside. I

don't think I could follow through. But if anyone does make human-sized litter trays, perhaps Olly Mung could be your spokesmodel. Coco, my cat. What she's been doing now, actually, which is incredibly frustrating, since we moved to the countryside, she can go outside, obviously obviously to go to the loo but what she does instead we still have a cat litter tray because we lock her in at night yeah you know should there be an accident or emergency yep um but much as we've seen the stories of a and e being abused in this country um that litter tray is used and abused during the day when she could be going outside it's very frustrating be sitting inside you'll see the cat go out for a walk right bit of mouse patrol comes back in takes a smelly dump and then goes back outside again she's like the opposite of my dad inside goes outside to relieve himself outdoors as is

human right are you considering blocking off the litter tray for the day i've never considered that but yes we could couldn't we just put a cardboard box over it or something put some pink film yeah pink film no askingking for trouble Martin That's a classic gag Classic prank Yeah but it would be a prank upon myself Because I'd have to clean it off my rug Well talking of cocoa

Here's a question from Alex and Fion Who say Helen answer me this What is the difference between cocoa and hot chocolate? Well one of them is nicer than the other one Yeah I've got two guesses on this one Okay Purely just speculative Guess one Yeah In practical terms nothing at all one of them is nicer than the other one yeah i've got two guesses on this one okay purely just speculative guess one yeah in practical terms nothing at all guess two malt incorrect both

okay uh americans actually may not even make a distinction between hot chocolate and cocoa but the technical distinction is that cocoa has had the cocoa butter forced out so you get less creamy mouthful whereas hot chocolate has it in there and usually more added sugar and milk if you're making the instant stuff and and why in this context alone don't write in innuendo fans why would you want a less creamy mouthful they use the cocoa butter for other things anyway so maybe it is a marketing wheeze maybe it's uh so that it preserves for longer maybe that's why they originally did it because a dry powder would last for ages but it is drier and therefore sort of makes your mouth feel a bit drier doesn't it some people like austerity when it comes to making cakes and desserts and stuff cocoa oh really yeah

because hot chocolate already has added sugar and usually some dairy powder as well so that will mess up your recipe and it's not strong enough here's a question from an anonymous person who says ollie answer me this why did my high school acquaintance think it was anything but disgusting to keep all of her kids' teeth and post a picture of them on Facebook? And she has enclosed a picture of this. Well, you would, wouldn't you? It's disgusting.

It is so disgusting. Also, it's quite arty, this picture, because it looks like a couple of dozen teeth crowded into an antique snuff box or something on a little pile of dead leaves and grass. I mean, this is objectionable behaviour, but at least it has a viral quality to it. Really? It is shareable in the sense that you received this on your Facebook.

You thought it was so remarkable you forwarded it to us. We are now talking about it because it is interesting. You can't excuse things just because of that, Ollie. We talk about all kinds of things that don't deserve to be public domain. But what I mean is it's not objectionable in the same way as people casually sharing uninteresting things on Facebook. Like in a way, that's worse, isn't it? Wine o'clock. Yeah, exactly.

My plant died today. When people haven't filtered, is this a thing that's worth sharing or not? In a way, that's more objectionable than someone sharing something disgusting, because at least something disgusting is sort of by nature shareable. Yeah, but what if this friend didn't realize that this is disgusting what if she thought it was quite great well again that sort of makes it shareable doesn't it this this thought process behind the scenes to the viewer you're thinking is this person sane you know have they realized quite how disgusting this is i've still got a jar of my gallstones but i keep them in a drawer now i haven't put them on social media no i just think well if i throw them away what if

at some point i want a museum of things that have been taking up my body? Well, you could be depriving them of a great career, Helen, by not sharing them on social media. What, the gallstones as like a shaker in a band? The gallstones actually sounds like a Motown group that people have forgotten about, doesn't it? Diana Ross and the gallstones.

Yeah, actually. If it wasn't so horrible, that would be a good name. I think given the composition of this picture, which we will put on our website, answermeinthispodcast.com, your friend is only steps away from having these teeth made into a brooch and matching earrings.

And at this point, I think you have to defriend her. Imagine if she turned up at your house and she was wearing a necklace that was entirely made of her children's teeth. I've got a question. Email your question. To answer me this podcast at googlemail.com To answer me this podcast at googlemail.com

To answer me this podcast at googlemail.com To answer me this podcast at googlemail.com To answer me this podcast at googlemail.com So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America.

We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Here's a question from a lady who used to live, helen where you used to live when you were a child but now lives in a place where i used to visit a lot on holiday when i was a child that is a link that took so long it was barely worth making it's a mad cosmic coincidence helen it's from rosie from kent now living in sardinia um she says considered the sardinia of southern england uh she, I live in Cagliari with my Sardinian husband of three months. Congratulations. Whose family grow a lot of fruit, vegetables and have a small vineyard.

Score. So we have a pretty much unlimited supply of fresh stuff and wine. Hooray. Hooray. But she continues, I've recently discovered that the family wine gives me cystitis. The family are very proud of their

wine, so Helen answered me this. How can I not drink it without offending A, my husband, and B, his family? I can't tell my husband because he'll immediately tell his family about the cystitis, even if I make him promise not to. That's Italian well that's what you married isn't it when the moon hits your eye that's Italian families when your urine retracted burns Italian families well is it

really better to deceive your husband and your in-laws than it would just be to say to your husband I can't drink the wine I'm kind of allergic to it and for his family to know that you don't even really have to take it in the direction of your bladder but why not i think that's right i think this wouldn't be such a concern in your own mind rosie if it weren't a problem below deck yeah i think if it were making your face red with a rash i mean obviously that wouldn't be ideal in terms of your interactions in the world you could paint your face red with a rash, I mean, obviously that wouldn't be ideal in terms of your interactions in the world. You could paint your face red with a rash and say it's because of the rash.

Oh, well done, Ollie. Yeah, that could work, wouldn't it? If hypothetically it was giving you a rash, you wouldn't have to say anything. I'm going to stereotype here, but I imagine the big gregarious Italian mama of the family. What's she wearing? Is she wearing an apron over a kind of faded for all house dress

and she's carrying a rolling pin and her thick arms. That's right. And she says, when's your Dolmio day? She would come up to you and she would say, hey, what's up with your face? And you'd say, well, it's so embarrassing. But when I eat your... This is embarrassing than anything, Ollie.

When I drink your wine, unfortunately. This is the reaction that I have. And actually, of of course she would then be sympathetic because she'd noticed so i think you're being anxious because you have to mention it's a status don't mention it's a status allergy allergy or use the excuse to actually feel a bit faint and go to bed a lot well the problem is with that and other things that mean you were abstaining from the wine if you said say well i'm trying to drink less or anything like that which which they probably wouldn't understand. They'll think you're pregnant. Exactly.

And that will make them all the more overexcited about this than if you just said it makes my urine and tract burn. So I think probably just go with the truth. And what are they going to talk about after that? If you went with the truth, I mean, I dare say even Italian mamas do get cystitis. I know that Tornatore has never made a film about it.

Well, it's the subtext, isn't it? I suspect it still happens in Sardinia. She probably would understand. Also, how can you avoid telling your husband that you've got cystitis because... At some point, the no-entry barrier is going to go up and you need to explain why to him. If it'll interfere with your intimate time.

Yes, yeah, quite right. I would have thought the greater embarrassment would be telling the Italian italian mama rather than her finding out so actually the fact that your husband is indiscreet yeah it's sort of a bit of a gift yes you know this is a strictest confidence tell him and then we'll get back to them don't tell anybody i mean it don't tell anybody but again i mean this might be a stereotype but i'm imagining the full blown don't do the accent again i'm imagining the full-blown sardinian village in which you know monica bellucci perhaps she's the milkmaid passing the window who

would then tell the whole village some of whom are bowling some of whom are watching cinema on a big outdoor screen some are playing chess and then she'd pour a glass full of the wine over her own breasts and laugh and then it would cut away to a harmlessly amusing scene of a gang of 14 year olds masturbating vigorously but it's funny because they're italian and then to uh four eight-year-old widows looking stern in the doorway of a church yeah the whole town would know fairly quickly in that scenario i wonder how uh rosie from kent living in sardinia managed to identify that it was the family wine and not the family fruit and vegetables that were giving her the cystitis well i mean if indeed she has deduced that i mean unless the family fruit and vegetables are cranberries um you know who's to say that it is the wine she hasn't given us her methodology

maybe she kind of wants it to be the one yes maybe she just doesn't like the wine yeah maybe she's looking for validation from us that it is the wine and actually it might not be the wine she needs to do a randomized control trial i think that said though here's an entertaining cure for cystitis masturbation I can imagine in a man, the act of climax would clear out his urinary tract, whereas in a woman, it doesn't work quite the same. Well, according to a study from the University of Sydney, cystitis can be prevented through the process of so-called tenting, when the cervix opens due to arousal.

Tenting stretches the cervix and thus the cervical mucus. This enables fluid circulation, allowing cervical fluids full of bacteria to be flushed out. Great. So there you go. Try that. And also, it's nicer than pouring some ocean spray down there, isn't it? I don't think you're supposed to cure it with cranberry juice by doing that.

That never works for me. Well, apparently it is a myth anyway. Really? Yeah. But it's a myth anyway. Really? Yeah. But it's a myth that's got a huge pharmaceutical industry attached to it.

There are like cranberry flavoured sort of Panadol and things like that, aren't there? Ocean spray must have made a killing out of people

with bladder infections. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they must have. We should think of something like that. Something that we may... Answer me this, mugs. Cure weak bladders.

If you don't even know what a question is then you're probably at the wrong place. Because religion's on God casts, dogs are on dog casts, fish are on rod casts, but we don't do fish. Because on this podcast, you answer me this. Listeners, for the first time this year, may we remind you that you are very welcome to call us and leave a question on our question line, the number for which is... 0208 123 58 007 And our Skype ID is... Answer me this.

Hello, this is James. i'm in my bedroom um i've noticed that there are a lot of pubs in soho called the blue posts there's one on kingly street near regent street there's one on barrack street and there's one near piccadilly circus why there's so many pubs called the blue posts in soho i've never seen another pub called the Blue Post before. Bye. Well, there is also the Blue Post just north of Soho on the corner of Newman Street and East Castle Street, so technically Fitzrovia, but really about 50 metres from Soho. That was pedantic, but impressively so.

But he's right. I thought, surely there is a distribution of Blue Posts as there are with other pub names. I looked on Google Maps and it seems in the whole country, you may write in listeners if we're wrong, but all of them are concentrated in that tiny area. There's a handful of blue posts and they're all within walking distance of each other. You could do a blue post crawl if you wanted in central London. I bet people have.

I bet they have actually. I wonder who would, like maybe the Royal Mail Workers Conservative Association. Hmm. I imagine therefore there is some sort of historical reference going on here to the geographical area Well looking on the history of pubs type websites that I've been on They all seem to concur that it was probably Some pubs had a little marker outside to distinguish them from the other pubs And so these ones had a blue post outside Hmm, but what, just as a point of reference

Literally so you can say I'll meet you outside the drinking establishment with the Blue Post Yeah I guess so But why would they all do that? And why would that be a London thing? Well why all so close together as well which Blue Post

the one on Newman Street or the one on Kingley Street The Fitzroy Blue Post is very very close to the Royal Mail sorting office Good point it's mostly opposite

for many many years Apparently the Blue might have had something to do with political affiliation as well Okay so actually my jokey reference might not be that far off really might have been something to do with political affiliation as well okay so actually my jokey reference might not be that far off really might have been something to do with

postage and conservatism but the blue posts uh if there are only about five of them and they're all in central london are not going to be able to take on the red lions of which there are over 600 i'm going to say something that will upset a few people now or keep your racist stuff under wraps i think in um soho that's a place where I want to go to modern, cool bars. And I think the traditional English pub is best suited to a countryside environment. I make some exceptions there. I know that in Soho there are perhaps two dozen genuinely historic, amazing, beautiful buildings that are 400 years old. And obviously those should still be

pubs and i don't want to see them converted into costa coffee but there are a lot of mediocre pubs that are still there that are only 100 years old and i just think actually i'd rather this was a cool bar that had like arcade machines and it was a bit more like new york because we're in london no rather than having these countryish pubs which are better suited to the country you say that because you're currently 32 but i bet in 10 years time or 20 years time you'll just want a quiet pub where they're not playing loud music where there are very few people there there's carpet on the floor and there are no blue lights yeah but i've always thought that way i put this a place to have a drink and have a chat no but no no but this is my point in london they're not because they're mob full of people like and although

upstairs is often half empty isn't it why is that? Is that just natural selection? Like people who aren't clever enough to realise they can go upstairs and have to be packed up. Like Daleks. But downstairs, they are horrible, aren't they? They're absolutely full of people. You're going to get groped. You're going to get coughed on very often. And so the idea of like sort of sitting around and having a nice chat in a pub, that isn't possible in a Soho pub. Yeah, but it's not possible in a bar either because the bars are equally crowded and also loud.

So what's your beef? No, my point is since it's not possible since the pub idyll is not possible in central London why not let's just have cool modern funky bars?

Because you've got loads of those already I think you're creating a problem where no such problem exists Ollie you're giving people the alternative

to going to a shit bar that does not have the upstairs that you can go and sit in peace in The upstairs is crucial See? Anyway here's a question

from an anonymous man from Oxford. Lots of good pubs in Oxford. Don't have a problem with pubs in Oxford? Oh, apparently not. What about the bars in Oxford? I don't think there should be any cool London-style bars in Oxford because when you're in Oxford, you solely want to go to a pub where Tolkien would have sat

and talked to C.S. Lewis. That's what I think. I always thought thirst in Oxford was a waste of time, whereas thirst in Soho, welcome. Can you not conceive of the fact that some people want things other than what you want? Nope. As I thought. Anonymous man from Oxford says, I've been together with my girlfriend for a few years now.

What do you want, a prize? But there is a distinct attractiveness gap between us, with her being much better looking. I cannot relate to this at all. This leads to a reasonably frequent situation at bars slash clubs slash indie music festivals where men hit on her, assuming either that we're not together, or if that we are, I pose no threat. That's very self-aware to include that last caveat. That's so rude. I think that happens a lot to women who are going out with men who are famous.

And just people pretend they're not even there. Anonymous Man says, Oli, answer me this. What is the correct social etiquette, because politeness is important, for when someone hits on your partner in front of you? Do I stay quiet and let them try their luck or awkwardly join in with the conversation? Yes, she does have lovely breasts.

Yes, she is busy later, actually. We've got a table booked up the road for nine. We go home and look after the kids. I'd say you could come, but you busy later, actually. We've got a table booked up the road for nine. We go home and look after the kids. I'd say you could come, but you seem kind of rude. You don't sound like the kind of guy who's going to confront them head on at the time. Go steady, steady. You're looking at my bird.

You're looking at my bird. You can look at my fist. Yeah, yeah. Which is a legitimate way to deal with the situation. Not really. Well, no, it is. For a certain style of man, that is the quickest, neatest way, and often the kind of woman who's attracted to

that kind of man in a partnership with that kind of man wants him to do that and be the squire at that point. So actually, I think that is a response, but since you're the kind of man to stew on this for weeks and then write to a comedy podcast about it... In a humorous way. Yeah, you're probably not that kind of man. I feel like you're confident enough, Anonymous Man, really, just to look on and laugh.

Well, I was going to say, I think perhaps the best thing for you to do, assuming that you are the kind of man that I'm assuming you are, is don't play by the rules of the former strategy at all. Don't give it too much front. Play the battle in your own way. Play the battle long term. Make it clear across the course of the evening to your rival suitor that you are the cleverer more sophisticated uh more

astute safer bet for this woman in the long term and that's why she's with you and you're comfortable with that you don't have to try like this guy yeah but you've just said that he does because he's got to try and put on this sophisticated astute front so he's got to apply her with very fancy cocktails whilst reading to her from petrarch yeah that's basically yeah it hadn't occurred to me that could be a bit of a stretch i think it's a very strong front to seem perfectly comfortable with other people uh approaching your partner i think when you seem insecure then that that is obviously a weak spot for them to target but if you're just like crossing your arms and looking upon and then confidently putting your arm around her then um that's better i think yes obviously if a woman

even looks at marty and i pull her hair and then i scratch her eyes out no you make a good point because actually he says oh they think i pose no threat i'm actually a truly comfortable man yeah why would you need to pose a threat exactly you actually it's not just that you don't pose a threat it's that you don't see you you don't see the other person as a threat you're so comfortable and confident in your relationship that you are happy for flirting to happen and in fact it is possible and this this is i suppose putting too much of a positive spin on the intentions of some of these men who are making a bid for your bird yes but it is possible that some of those men are flirting in front of

you deliberately not to undermine you not because they don't see you as a threat but because they recognize that you are comfortable in your relationship. And actually... You might be up for a three-way. No, no, no. But actually on those parameters, it is okay. In the same way that it's okay for me to flirt with Martin when you're here. Because I know that you are in a safe, comfortable relationship.

Yeah, flirting is actually... can be easier if, you know, nothing's going to come of it. Yeah. I think also he wouldn't be writing to us in this particular way if his girlfriend was responding. I'm assuming that he's perfectly secure in his relationship with his girlfriend as well having not indicated otherwise i think the thing is to sit back and let her bat off the attention i think it's important though to ascertain with your partner beforehand have you had a chat about how she feels and and how you feel about this because if she is the kind of woman that wants to be fought for by two men and enjoys that spectacle then you standing back uh she might think that you don't actually care i'm not saying it's a

healthy thought process to support by getting a bit aggressive but you know how some people's minds work yeah but medication is important it would be crap to have to get aggressive because you know your girlfriend cares about it when you don't yeah so talk about it and just say to her look i don't want to get aggressive with people uh i want you to know that i'd prefer it if people didn't look at you but obviously you're so beautiful that they can't help it. It does depend on the woman, but I can imagine a lot of women that if they were being

white knighted by their boyfriend, they'd just get really pissed off with that. They would just be like, well, I can tell an aggressive teacher to fuck off. And I might enjoy the flirting myself. I might enjoy the attention. I'm still with you. Yeah, I think one would enjoy that more if one's partner wasn't i'm still with you yeah i think one would enjoy that more if one's partner wasn't right there though i think otherwise it would seem a

little awkward yeah just cramp your style a bit martin if you were getting flirted with by a lot of women uh how would you want me to respond well it happened to me on the train today actually what yeah that bitch slash bastard so i was coming back on the train and this woman came on the train with a dog you're about to say you were flirted with by a dog, Martin. No, it was the woman. So the dog did a little cough and it coughed for a little while and then the woman went, he's not going to throw up on your foot, you're all right.

Talk about a line. She might as well have just taken her bra off right there. So you don't have to imagine, that's what happened. How do you feel? I feel devastated. We had a little chat about dogs. Why didn't you just melt your wedding ring right there? I don't know if you've ever helped your mum build a website.

It is the kind of torment from which there is no respite. If she asks, what's a widget again? I will kill her with a rusty spike. Or a brick or a spade or a chainsaw. But Squarespace is so easy, even your mum can use it. She can drag and drop and cut and paste, that's all there is to it. So Helen, put that spike down, I beg you, for Christ's sake, don't do it. Sorry, mum.

Well, listeners, I don't know whether as your New Year's resolution you've been planning to build yourself a website for your incredible new career as a an online entrepreneur but if you have then may we please recommend you build one using squarespace.com and if you enjoy your month's free trial then please use the code answer one as in the digit one to get 10 off for the first year that's right and they have a variety of uh distinct and beautiful templates you can use that make your site look nice on mobile, on iPad, on desktop. They do, but also you can do some smashing e-commerce, can't you, Ollie?

Because you've been experimenting with that very angle of Squarespace service, have you not? That's right, yeah. So I've built us a store. It's quite exciting, isn't it? This is what Jack Cohen must have said when he built the first Tesco. Came home proudly. I've built us a store, kids. Yeah, maybe one day it will have completely destroyed every town it's only a matter of time in our case

so yeah if you go to answermethisstore.com you can buy all of our classic episodes that we sell episodes 1 to 170 you can buy our best of episodes

you can buy our apps you can donate to the show and you can get our albums and you can get our albums as well yeah all four of our albums and you can do that without giving money to can get our albums as well. Yeah, all four of our albums. And you can do that without giving money to Evil Corp or Moneycom.

That's it, yeah. Which some of you have complained about in the past about buying our albums. Well, here is a question about a very pre-squarespace forms of communication. It comes from Neil from Crawley in West Sussex who says, stamps have been around since the 19th century. Yeah? Yeah. Testify. That's not the since the 19th century. Yeah? Yeah. Testify. That's not the question.

Yeah. Since Roland Hill invented the penny post in 1840. Ollie, answer me this. Who decided that the format for stamped correspondence was to stick the stamp in the top right-hand corner of the envelope? The same format is used the world over. Yes. Is it? It is, yes every even the ones with

circular stamps and whatnot yes because and this isn't answering the question directly i'll get to that in a minute but the reason it still happens now uh is because now uh all of the major sorting posting offices in the world use machines that look to the top right hand corner to identify whether you've paid stamp it frank it or whatever and therefore actually it is apparently legal you can put your stamp anywhere on the envelope i've done it by accident in the past yeah you can actually technically i think send like a shoe not in a packet yeah it's got a stamp on it's a postcard then isn't it exactly um so you can put the stamp anywhere but then you're essentially saying this has to be sorted by hand if it's done manually you can pretty much

expect it won't get there or if it does get there it's going to be delayed so for it to go through quickly it goes in the top right hand corner because it's sorted by machine that's why it still happens now that's why it happens around the world why mess with a classic indeed but why did it become a classic why it had to go somewhere didn't it ollie couldn't go right in the middle of the envelope's forehead well i have a theory on this and i think no is the answer. If you look at the world's first stamp, which as you correctly identified was the Penny Black from 1840, featuring the profile of Queen Victoria, you will notice she is looking to the left. Reading your address. Reading your address.

Now, bearing in mind people were very monarchistic then and they were very loyal to the Queen, I don't think there's any doubt when you see the stamp that it clearly needs to go in the top right hand corner it would be disrespectful to the queen to put an address above her head when she's not looking at it it would be wrong for her to be looking over the edge of the parcel and i think therefore that's how that tradition came about i genuinely think that's the reason queen victoria is looking to the left uh the queen now she looks over to the left is looking to the left so it makes sense you put the stamp in the top right corner and they're looking at the address.

And of course, back then, British Empire, we ruled the waves and all that. We invented this system. We exported it around the world. And that's why. Suck it. Yeah. That's why cricket takes so long

because we invented it that way. And stamp fact. Stamp fact. We remain the only country in the world. And I think this is genuinely quite classy and cool. We remain the only country in the world that does not put its name on our stamp no need no need got our monarch on there everyone knows her name um i wonder whether a more simple uh version of your theory though wally is that in english we use the left hand margin and right in a right hand direction yes correct so you would

naturally start your address on the leftmost side of the envelope maybe you don't want it to crowd the stamp that's why you put it on the right you could have in the bottom right corner though that would make sense yeah but your address might go down a certain way you might not leave it I agree it's it's the portion of a small envelope which is the least likely to have writing on it in that system that is true that's what I reckon and then you've got some space for postmarks as well. Well, I dare say the truth is somewhere between the two theories, but they both seem very sensible to me. I'm an answer me this fan

I listen with my nan She is not so keen She finds it too obscene I follow them on Twitter Though Ashton Kutcher's fitter I want to take things further Just one step short of murder I want to look like Olly Mann

I want to smell like Olly Mann I want to be like Olly Mann I want to chase like Olly Mann I want to look like Olly Mann I want to talk like Olly Mann I want to be like Olly Mann Here's a question from Mark from Oxford who says, This year, friends of mine used Christmas morning to drive around London

taking photographs of the city in a rare state of almost total desertion, like 28 days later. I was just about to say the same thing. I was just about to say, well, that worked for Danny Boyle. It really did. Their picture of Piccadilly Circus was particularly striking for the absence of people in what is usually a virtually impassable thoroughfare. Actually, because I was doing

my radio show that morning, I finished at 5am in Leicester Square and I saw that myself. I walked through Piccadilly Circus 5am Christmas Day. Not a soul. What you don't realise until you walk through

at 5 in the morning on Christmas Day is that you never see London totally empty. Even when you think, oh, this is empty, there's still a homeless person, someone cleaning the street, someone opening a shop. When it's empty empty it is actually weird is it amazing like walking through a post-apocalyptic version of london it's a bit scary you know because all these huge spaces

that are designed for thousands of people are deserted you can feel they're not being used properly uh mark says in piccadilly circus seeing the massive advertising hoardings Broadcasting their messages to nobody Got me thinking Well they were broadcasting messages to you Through the photo True but even to the person who was taking the photo So therefore silly to turn the advertising hoardings off One of the larger messages says Mark

Is for the Japanese company TDK Which those over a certain age will know As the dominant maker of blank tapes For home audio and video recording Those of a certain age Honestly who doesn't still buy a big pack of c90s and have a great weekend you know what i was doing uh some tidying up in the flat recently and came upon some unused blank tapes and i did think i'm never going to use these but i can't throw them away yeah i should sell them to a hipster martin yeah many was the day says mark lovingly making mixtapes with the tdk logo or recording films off the telly onto tdk vhs tapes which would never end

up being watched so children listening who were under say 25 this is what life was like before you were born many was the cheap christmas or birthday gift of a pack of blank tapes under the tdk brand i remember this oh yeah hashtag tdk memories how wonderful it was that was some time ago now though and i haven't even seen a tdk product in the past five years so ollie asked me this why do tdk still bother to advertise on piccadilly circus does it do them any good or did they just pay for 40 years of that advertising spot and they're just using it well a bit of both i should imagine because um yes obviously they did get a long lease on the advertising and if you haven't been to piccadilly circus by the

way it's kind of time square style huge uh lit up billboard scrolling lighty things correct although actually distressingly if you search for an image of piccadilly circus in the 1960s you'll see that the comparison with time square really was apt 50 years ago really, because they had not just the current wall of lights, but in the building opposite, they also had a wall of neon lights and the building next to that. I thought you were going to say 50 years ago, it was nothing but hanging baskets. No, no.

Wow. So it did look like Times Square. And actually now it looks right, like all our lives, it's looked a bit like a crap version of Times Square. Yeah. With just five neon lights. But why have TDK stuck it out in that wall of lights when all they have to peddle are memories?

Well, so partly it was, yes, that they bought the licence a long time ago. They actually, astonishingly to my mind, only bought this spot on Piccadilly Circus in 1990. I think in 1990, actually, you would have thought, wow, home entertainment has really taken off. Video tapes are the future. Actually, it wasn't just tapes that they made, of course.

It was that other long-lasting product, floppy disks. And actually, it was only as recently as 2001 that they removed the uh the light that was underneath the tdk logo which actually said the words audio and videotape and floppy disks 2001 still what's the point what tdk products could we possibly need in this day and age ollie well that what basically the company was sold in 2007 only for 300 million dollars which when you consider it was once a global leader i bought it and then i lost it i didn't even look for it well you know is plaws would get a few millionaires together you could afford to buy that company didn't kodak sell for about 10 pounds as well well yeah but they were going bankrupt whereas tdk you know actually still had some stock they sold for 300

million in 2007 all they were selling i suppose is their brand the company that bought them now manufactured things like flash drives so that they're taking the heritage of cassettes and uh chemicals and floppy disks and although none of those processes are really relevant these days the brand and the heritage particularly in japan where they're from uh means it's worth buying the brand for that to then sell computer products okay and part of that brand if all you're selling is the brand is that you've had this spot since 1990 in one of the world's most expensive advertising hoardings and actually i think that is the reason they keep it it's because we're having this conversation is because people like oh yeah tdk they still exist they thought in 1990

well maybe 24 years hence this will pay off in the form of a question on a podcast exactly no that's all never happened pipe dream let's stick to the videotapes. Although the fact that they were the last to go to LED does... Were they? I mean, it does underline to me that they're hardly at the cutting edge of technology. You know, if McDonald's and Coca-Cola beat the tech company to changing from neon to LED,

that doesn't look great for them. But tapes and videotapes were never cutting edge. They were convenient and cheap. And quite a blunt edge. Not like a CD if you snapped it in half. Well, when you say they were never cutting, they were. There was at one point they were new technology but that was 1960-something. Yeah, yeah, but I mean, I don't know the full story

of it because it's probably very boring, but the whole VHS versus Betamax battle. Everyone says Betamax was a better format, VHS was cheaper and it got porn on it, basically, which is why it became the market leader. And cassettes as well. They got a lot of porn on.

Now, what was the first ever neon sign at Piccadilly Circus? Is it one that's still there? No. What year was it? It was in the 1930s. Oh. Was it for Bird's Custard or something? No.

Be well close, actually. Bisto. You're so close. Typhoo. No, no, no. You're closer with Bisto So close So close

We've talked about it On the show before Bovril Yes Yay First ever sign on Piccadilly Circus Bovril

Wow Yeah Where is that now Kind of a shame it's not There anymore isn't it Sort of but it'll probably Be a brown neon sign Which wouldn't be very beautiful

And what's the longest Lasting sign on Piccadilly This is pretty obvious Which company has held it For the longest Coca-Cola on piccadilly this is pretty obvious which company has held it for the longest coca-cola yes coca-cola 1954 well the logo is pretty much same isn't it yeah it is actually and you know that is an example of this is why they are one of the world's leading brands i guess if you look at a picture of piccadilly circus from the 50s that coca-cola sign i guess it would be being slightly knowingly retro if they used it now but the slogan you know

enjoy coca-cola with the bottle exactly the same as it would be 70 years later close enough and everyone likes a bit of 50s branding nostalgia visually don't they indeed well something else that will of course be around in 70 years time is this podcast no i can't believe this is the eighth year but then i'll probably be saying that in in 70 years time as well yeah and uh i'll be 103 then which is plausible isn't it with medical advances and also the my family lived to incredible ages please don't let me the but the only way we can make it to episode 282 listeners is with your questions for us to answer yes so please please please send them via email phone and skype all of our contact details are for your convenience on our website, answermethispodcast.com.

And we will be here, not next week, but the week after that. I know it's a lot for you to get used to, but you can do it. You'll be okay. We'll see you in two weeks' time. Yes. Bye!