Answer Me This! - AMT282: Mastermind, Coriander and Coffins

Episode Date: January 30, 2014

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Is the Wolf of Wall Street a sequel to Little Red Riding Hood? Answer me this, answer me this Will making a podcast ever be a livelihood? Answer me this, answer me this Helen and Ollie, answer me this Hello listeners and welcome back to another episode of Answer Me This. I'm here with my sidekicks Helen and Ollie. And we've got another week of questions for you.

Brilliant, what's the first question, Martin? Well, we've got a question from Johnny Grimsby who asks, who invented mushy peas? What is the first real question, Helen? Well, the first real question, Ollie, is from Leo in California. Is it Leonardo DiCaprio? Is it Helen, answer me this, why can't I grow a full beard? Is it Helen, answer me this,

how long until I look exactly like Norman Lamont? Five years? And yet still 30 years under my actual age. Yeah, like a baby crossed with Norman Lamont. What a look. No, I think it's a different Leo. Different Leo, okay. Because he says,

I have a question about using shared areas in apartment buildings for personal possessions. Okay. Because of the relatively good weather in Southern California... Yeah, don't brag. Lots of people run outdoors for exercise rather than going to the gym to use a treadmill although ironically they drive everywhere instead of walking there what's that about they'll drive to the gym won't they why don't you just build a pavement uh or they'll drive to the park and

then run yeah exactly when they just walk around in the first place leo says my next door neighbor is a runner and leaves her smelly exercise shoes out in the hallway of our building gross do you think he would mind as much if she was leaving her sweaty sports bra out in the building well that's an appealing image isn't it but it's not really exactly it's a sports bra as well it's exactly yeah all right leo says ollie answer me this is it ever acceptable to use the public area of the apartment building to store smelly exercise gear is it ever acceptable? No, it's never.

Even if there's an apocalypse, even if there's a nuclear holocaust, it is unacceptable under any circumstances. Well, a solution for Leo perhaps could be to steal his neighbour's gym kit and seal it up in a big box marked hazardous waste or something and leave that outside at all. Maybe that would get the message across. Maybe. It's fun to do those things, isn't it, when the prank is completed,

when the box is done, but if they catch you in the act, horrendously embarrassing. Here's a question of Food Now from Rosie in London who says, Helen, answer me this.

Why do so many people hate coriander? I think it's great. Well, Rosie, it may be hard to get your head around how different people are, but some people

are genetically predisposed not to be able to tolerate coriander because there are various genes that affect your smell and taste receptors that make coriander taste like soap. Wow. So actually people who dislike coriander

aren't disliking the wonderful taste that I have. They are actually disliking a completely different taste experience to what I'm having. Well, how can anyone know what someone else tastes anyway, Ollie? Like, is the colour that I see that I identify as coriander colour the same as you see?

Yours could be purple. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would explain why I have a very high image of myself compared to what other people think of me. I think probably a lot of people do just dislike coriander on its own terms because it's a strong and distinctive flavour and a lot of people only like baby food. You know, I just, I can't think of a savoury dish that adding coriander to it wouldn't at least neutralise But probably improve

I have disliked coriander Because sometimes my mum Will cook a massive load of it Like spinach And that is too much That's too much It's a herb Yeah

It's not a green But name me a savoury dish That wouldn't be improved With coriander in it Well you've really put me on the spot How can I only think of Mexican food That it belongs in God damn you, Ollie.

Oh, okay, spaghetti carbonara. Oh, yeah, that'd be awful. You've risen to the occasion, I suppose. Not really. I heard Stephen Fry in an interview talk about how he didn't like coriander, and I thought, wow, Mr Fry, that is probably the first public pronouncement that I'm going to have to disagree with you on vehemently. Really?

Yeah. Took all that to make you roiled against Stephen Fry. Yeah. Now he's your mortal enemy. I just think it classes everything up, both Stephen Fry and coriander.

And yeah, well maybe that's why he doesn't like it because one day coriander could take all of his speaking gigs. Yes, coriander is kind of the Stephen Fry

of herbs. And you're right, you can have too much of it like when your mum cooks it. Yes, you're so right. Coriander is Stephen Fry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How did it take us

all so long to realise? Hello, it's Beth from Devon. Why are coffins such a weird shape? Because it surely will be better than these oblongs. Is Beth on the way that people have shoulders? Well, she does make a point. Why make a coffin so that it's only at your widest point in one bit? Why not just make the whole thing rectangular?

You don't want your body rattling around in the place. You have the choice. What Beth is referring to as an oblong coffin is called a casket. And actually, in the United States, for example, that is their predominant coffin shape. I suppose it's more one-size-fits-all, the casket. But you are right, Martin. The corpse

does move around a lot more in a casket, or just a trunk, if you bury someone in that large suitcase. I think um it saves quite a lot of wood to make them in the traditional toe pincher coffin shape which is what we're talking about um so you not only save wood and have shorter bits of wood because you don't need something that's the full length of human body but also it's a lot lighter uh if you're using less wood so pallbearer is less likely to collapse under the weight of it i think as well that in a

lot of religious traditions you know ashes to, dust to dust and all that, it's about confronting the fact that you are burying a person in the ground. Yes. And, you know, a lot of traditions don't want to see the body necessarily, but seeing the outline of a body, I think makes it rather more vivid.

I think possibly you could argue the reason why caskets are more popular in the United States is it is slightly obfuscating the fact there is a corpse in there. Yeah, but then they have the open casket funerals, which just seems utterly inexplicable to me um there's also apparently a practical reason which is so that they knew which way around the head was yeah because i think there used to be symbolic

directions in which he'd bury people michael jackson's coffin pretty awesome i didn't see it 14 carat gold wow all of it yes that's asking somebody to come and rob your grave i wouldn't go for it myself i'm not sure i'd go for any kind of novelty coffin uh helen Wow, all of it? Yes. That's asking somebody to come and rob your grave. I wouldn't go for it myself. I'm not sure I'd go for any kind of novelty coffin, Helen, but I have seen one online that I do like the look of. Really? You're really planning ahead.

It's the job, it's killing him. The one that I saw that I like is someone's done a novelty one in the shape of a CSI-style chalk outline, like you've just been murdered. That's too jokey for a funeral. That's fine unless you're actually murdered. Unless you're actually murdered, yeah. The undertaker then has to separate your arm and put it in the right position so that you look like you're sprawled

out on the floor. Is that a real coffin and not a Halloween party prop coffin? No, I believe it is a real coffin. Well, you can do whatever you like, can't you? So long as it contains a body. I guess so. Apparently you can buy coffins in Costco in the States. You can buy coffee, Ollie, it's a misprint. Yeah, but the coffee is so big there that you could just

get buried in one of the tins. Ollie, when you die, do you... Die in a jar of mayonnaise. Yeah, that's what I was going to ask. Would you like to be made into hummus? I'd like everyone to have a dip in me. Yeah, at the funeral party. You know how people sometimes serve sushi on the bodies of models?

Yeah. Couldn't you serve the wake foods on my decomposing corpse? Cheese board, that would be a great way to remember you, wouldn't it? That's a good idea. Unless you've suffered some sort of death by a cheese allergy. What a way to go, though. Absolutely. What about drowning in fondue, though?

That'd be horrific. No thanks. Would you hate the fact that you couldn't edit people's eulogies? Yep. If you died now... You wouldn't do it. Yeah, and your Martin or your parents asked me to do a eulogy, I'd think, ooh, I know Helen wouldn't like not being able to edit what I'm saying. Yeah.

And that's difficult, isn't it? It's quandary there. No right to reply. But then a lot of eulogies don't really reflect the person that they're about. Well, that's true. And sometimes they're delivered by people that never met that person. Yeah. Would you do my eulogy, Martin? I think I'd struggle. I suppose I'd have to, but

yeah, it would be really hard. I suppose I'd have to, but I'd be struggling, actually, to attend that day, because I'd probably be busy frolicking with women. I would be doing quite a lot of boning, yeah. Yeah, it'd be hard for me, too. Have a right old stiff here as soon as Alan dies. I'm the only thing keeping your pre-opism in check.

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So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts.

A question from Derry, who says, I was recently looking on the Wikipedia page for the film Man of Steel. What a life. Even though other internet exists. Says Derry, I saw that it said the original soundtrack got into the iTunes album chart for a while. Yep, that's a fact. So, Ollie, answer me this.

Why did companies release the soundtrack for a film and what was the first film to do so? Presumably the answer to the first bit of the question is money, more money. Well, exactly. The answer to the second bit of the question is the first bit of the question. You saw that the soundtrack got into the chart for a while.

That's why they do it, isn't it? They sell. And actually, there's always been a connection between film and music because if you go right the way back to silent film, there used to be a musical accompaniment. So right from the origins of film, people used to sell sheet music for the music they'd expect to be playing whilst the film is on. And also, isn't there something about how the first talkies had a lot of music in because they were dazzling people with the potential of the new medium? Well, indeed. And actually, as early as 1933, you had the first completely original score being written.

That was for King Kong. Oh! So even in 1933, they'd got the idea that rather than just putting in some well-known ragtime hits, it would be a good idea to actually score the action. And yet, no offence to Superman, Man of Steel, a film which I chose not to see, like many people did. I'd imagine that maybe there's not that much to

listen to a lot of flying music maybe a couple of rock songs that they tacked on at the end of the credits in man of steel i'm guessing i hate that when they do that like when there's like an exclusive take that song or something for a disney cartoon hold me throw me kiss me kill me by youtube and it's not even in the film it's just over the titles at the end well though but um that song from four weddings and funeral that wet wet wet yeah love is all around yeah wet wet wet didn't perform it in the film. Yeah, it's annoying though. Yeah, but at least then the song was in the film, just performed by other people.

Well, this thing. So you're hitting upon the other reason as to why soundtrack CDs get released still now. It's partly because people see the film and they want to buy stuff about the film. It's also because they like the artists that are recording a song exclusively for the film and then they'll buy the CD and then they're more likely to go and see the film. So all in all, it works for both parties. Actually, though, the first available recorded soundtrack uh so as opposed to just sheet music but an actual recording uh was kind of obvious when you know it was it

the just under no although i guess that's yeah i guess that was slightly before kind of vinyl records were widely available though um but when i tell you the date january 1938 it's not something to do with Hitler It was a triumph of the world Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Oh Yeah of course Because it's for the kids right

So people immediately were like Oh that song Hi Ho sure is catchy I want to play that down in the kindergarten I thought people didn't buy things for children Until at least the 80s I thought children were seen and not heard before then Well Disney of course was the company that innovated i suppose uh the childhood experience as we know it now and turned it into a money-making machine exactly vrv mainstream movies so actually

interestingly the very first soundtrack it wasn't just called snow white and the seven dwarfs the full title of the vinyl release was walt disney's snow white and the seven dwarfs open bracket with the same characters and sound effects as in the film of that title close bracket square brackets buy it for everybody close bracket well but they had to explain

what a soundtrack album was because no one had done it before I guess so and for many years there was confusion as to whether soundtrack literally meant a replication of the soundtrack from the film because of course the word soundtrack means the track of sound that is the music the foley the dialogue oh my god the audio imagine getting all the foley yeah and all

the dialogue that would be rubbish but you see in a day before you could buy the vhs or the dvd or the download it could be a way for you to experience the film again like if it's a musical you might want to hear the whole thing it's like the opposite of a talkie though isn't it we'll just take all the noises not give you the picture yeah but there was a raging argument about this and the word soundtrack how many decades did this war rage on well it's still going on between nerds on the internet but the outcome is it is too complicated to differentiate uh what would lock to picture if you watched it with the video and what is just the music so when you're talking about a musical the reason

people wanted to know is what people like to do in the age of video pre-dvd is you'd have that's the best quality video you could the picture that you could get but of course you could get better quality audio by buying the cd so people wanted to buy the cd and the soundtrack play it simultaneously with the video but they wouldn't necessarily lock to picture because it's just the songs not the edited songs as they are in the film. But that's musicals. Of course, if you put musicals to one side and you ask what was the first dramatic film like Man of Steel to have a soundtrack available, it wasn't actually until the 60s. Classical scores that were written for films

obviously had been written for 30 or so years between that, but it wasn't until basically Hitchcock, all the Herman stuff, people wanted Psycho and the Birds and all that. Yes, a really good piece of music, isn't it? wasn't until basically hitchcock all the herman stuff people wanted psycho and the birds and all that yes it was that and it was um it was as as a result of that phenomenon that uh finally in 1967 they released gone with the wind as a soundtrack unbelievable took them till 1967 to release like one of the most famous film scores ever you couldn't buy that for 30 years and how bloody long was that soundtrack gone with the wind about for about five hours, isn't it? Here's another question of music

from Brian from Port Glasgow, who says, as you're of roughly similar vintage to me, I'm hoping you can help. I have a tune lodged in my head, but I can't place it. I think it might have been the theme from a kids' TV show in the 80s.

I've recorded myself playing the basic outline of the tune on the piano. It's pretty rough as it's from distant memory. Wow. So, Oli, can you name this tune? Oh, I know it. No idea. I mean, you could, I'm starting to fit words to it that don't belong to it, like...

Blue Peter. See how it works? Double dare. Yeah. Bagpuss, bagpuss everywhere. Neighbours. Yeah. I recognise that, but it's frustrating that I can't answer what that is.

Crushing. This is one to throw out to the listeners. Listeners, can you name that tune? Come on, let's go. It's really annoying. It's going to be playing around in my mind for ages now. Then people will be like, it's obvious, you guys, it's obvious. Yeah, it is easy when you know, isn't it?

That's the thing. Someone would have heard the opening bars of that and remembered a really vivid scene from their childhood. I feel a fool for not knowing this. Thanks, Brian, you've made me feel a fool. I think the instrumentation is the thing, isn't it? I don't think the original was probably on that lovely sort of lo-fi piano thing

that he probably had loads of synthesizers and beats and things going on. But this sounds like it could be Bucket and spade, bucket and spade Everyone grab your bucket and spade. And it's a song that you get played at nursery. Yeah. Is that how it's sung no I made it up

but it sounds like that it's probably right Helen Zaltzman 2014 in this time of purse strings tightening the internet's

the smorgasbord of fabulous free things like showbiz news no need for magazines stalking

your old school friends videos of fat kids falling Showbiz news, no need for magazines, stalking your old school friends. Videos of fat kids falling over, stealing films and music. Sharing photos of your nan, filing your tax return. But by far my favourite free thing to type is answer me this into Skype. Listeners, do not forget that you can submit questions using your voice

by dialling the following number. 0208 123 58 007 Alternatively, you can leave us an answer phone message by Skyping answer me this. Hi Helen, Ollie, it's Joe from Newnham, now in Loughton for drama school. Yay! Helen, Ollie and Martin, answer me this.

What would be your specialist subject on Mastermind? This question has plunged me into a depression because it just reinforces the fact that while I have a very, very, very scant knowledge of myriad topics, I have no deep knowledge about anything. Oh, come on. Pop music of the 80s and 90s. The 1880s? I know nothing about it. One here wonders

of the latter part of the 20th century. I can identify a lot of pop songs that I haven't heard since childhood just from the first couple of bars, but I don't think that would really count. Well, these days... Oh, Mastermind? Yeah, Mastermind has expanded very deep into the waters of pop culture now. You're right that originally it used to be former Roman roads of Britain or whatever. But now people choose a Mastermind has expanded very deep into the waters of pop culture now. I mean, you're right that originally it used to be, you know,

former Roman roads of Britain or whatever. But now people choose a Mastermind subject and it is like, you know, characters that have appeared in EastEnders. Okay, I watched the first series of Fame Academy very avidly, but even that I probably couldn't answer questions on now. Was that the Lamar series? Yeah. Oh, there we go.

I think Mastermind questions are a little bit harder than that, than was it the Lamar series. A hundred million points. Pass. I agree that I also have a lack of depth of knowledge in any particular subject. Oh, come on. Musical theatre.

Disney. Well, yeah, but this is the thing, right? I find it easier than you, perhaps, to choose subjects that I would like to revise. And I think that's actually what's happening behind the scenes whenever any contestant goes on Mastermind, if you think about it. There are very few people that really love us.

I know some people go on and they know all about railways or whatever, but generally most people, what they do, I think, is they prepare their specialist subject by thinking, what's the thing I like, but I'd like to know more about? And then they revise it. So I think I would probably pick, actually,

the films of Woody Allen. Oh no, that's a bad idea because there are so many because with my degree i chose old medieval english because there's much less of it than if you go for english after that you need to choose a filmmaker that died after making six films yeah but then i think people think you're crap no people are like oh he only did kubrick that's you know it's like only 10 films to watch or whatever it's like it's much more sensible to choose the novels of donna tard because she's only done three no rather than the full walter scott of course you're more sensible to choose the novels of Donna Tartt because she's only done three rather than the full Walter Scott. Of course, you're not going to choose Dickens, you'd be a lunatic.

But I think Woody Allen, it's impressive that you know about that many films, but at the same time I'd happily watch each of them again once. Even Cassandra's Dream. No, or Scoob, true. But still, you know... All of the questions would be about those. Yeah, yeah, they probably would try and catch up. I think I'd happily watch 10% of Woody Allen's films

10 times over than be forced to watch his entire catalogue. The point being, you choose a subject that you want to learn more about and then you learn about it. Yeah, but wouldn't you choose Disney parks so that you had to go to all of them again? Yeah, that would be pretty cool, actually. Think on it.

I wonder as well, if you wrote to the Walt Disney Company and you said, I'm going on Mastermind, it's going to be on BBC One, primetime, I'm going to be doing questions about Disney parks, you want to chuck in a free trip i reckon all of them i reckon they would do you think that a lot of people choose their specialist subject because it's not naturally the thing they know about the best but it makes them look kind of intellectual i think that is possibly the case the most successful round ever on mastermind specialist subjects was uh in 2010 actually so quite recent uh when the series champion Jesse Honey

sexy name. No, I'm sure not. Bet he wasn't a sexy guy. He scored 23 out of 23 on the subject Flags of the World. That's a really clever one to pick because it makes you look very educated in academic flags of the world, worldly man, at the same time as you're saying there's still a limit on the amount of flags there are.

Yeah, you can get all of that information on a poster and just stare at that poster every time you're on the loo for a month. Exactly. Like 23 questions, you could pretty much guess what at least half of them were going to be. All right. So what should my specialist subject be? Beard growth. And you could do a practical.

Oh, Lost Rivers of London. Again, my knowledge is a bit patchy on that. No, Urban Walks of London. You would be good on that. Yeah, maybe. He'd be good at setting the questions. Hilarious that none of us are mentioning social physics, the actual area in which you are an academic.

It's a made-up area. Yeah, no one knows what it is. Well, yeah, but that's the kind of thing that would work really well because you effectively could set your own questions, couldn't you, if you were an expert in your field? Also, none of us mentioned quantum physics, which Martin spent four years studying for a doctorate. I have a feeling that might be your experience of general life,

that people don't tend to mention quantum physics. Oh, you study quantum physics? That's so useful. Tell me more while I take my clothes off. The story of my life. The story of my life. I take you home. I read you quantum physics. What's that song? That's me trying to do the One Direction song, Story of My Life. So is One Direction a reference to the unsymmetric wave function collapse? That collapse that's right the thing is if you get too specific with your choice of specialist

subject uh they are entitled on the mastermind production team to to ban you from doing it so if you said harry styles his hair as i'd imagine a lot of teenage girls would choose for their specialist subject that's right yes you'd have to say something more like X Factor winners and losers. That's a broad enough category. But yes, you can't be too specific. So for example, specialist subject rounds that have been declined by Mastermind include cremation practice and law in Britain.

Why? Why? There must be quite a lot of that. I wonder if that's a taste and decency thing. Maybe it's too difficult actually to frame questions about it. Possibly. Roots to anywhere in mainland Britain by road from Letchworth was deemed too specific. Too subjective, I would say.

I didn't know you already put in that around. The banana industry rejected. Whoa! That would be really interesting. I think not specific enough on that one. Almost if you said bananas. Yes. But if you say the banana industry,

then you have to have too many questions about what are they called, canita or whatever. And another subject that was turned down was orthopedic bone cement in total hip replacement. That is definitely too specific. I think too vivid for BBC One as well. I'm quite squeamish about joints, particularly ball and socket.

They're talking about the glue. That's the cement, right? Yeah, but I'm still squeamish about joints, particularly ball and socket. They're talking about the glue, that's the cement, right? Yeah, but I'm still thinking about the broken joint. Interesting fact about Mastermind scheduling, actually. I say too right for BBC One. Mastermind initially, think how cheap it is. It's just a chair, isn't it? It's a chair and some lights, yeah. It was originally commissioned

as a cheap filler for a late night Sunday slot, like it went out at like 11. 30 at night or midnight it was pretty rude isn't it one of your specialist subject was uh boobs and um it only got moved to prime time in 1973 because there were viewer complaints about a leslie phillips starring sitcom vehicle called casanova 73 it was deemed too ripe wow for bbc one and they had nothing to put in the slot when they took it off so they bumped up Mastermind. So what is the opposite of something that is too ripe?

Yeah. Old men sitting in chairs. Yeah, and talking about fishing flies. Isn't it interesting that that... Because Mastermind is such a perennial format. It's something that has lasted now for like three, four decades. We'll continue to be around when we're 70. Well, people always will have minds.

Yeah. And mastering of things. Yeah. And yeah, it's the kind of thing that people think is too simple in a way to commission as a big primetime idea. Well, it's because it's not... General knowledge. Yeah. You can't get any sexy models into it either.

Well, you can. I've never seen Master Boobs, but I reckon Richard Desmond gave it a go at one point. You know what they would do? You know how they exported Deal No Deal to America and replaced all the boring people that think they're psychic with models? Yes. They could replace the chair with some women. So you sit on a woman. Sexy women. Just sit on a woman. Actually, right, I was thinking about that in a very seedy way or in a

sort of abstract, arty way. Sort of, you know, Chapman Brothers type way. It could almost be seaside postcard fun. But actually, yes. If you imagine it genuinely as they're in sort of sparkly bikinis, all American girls, big smiles, white teeth, and actually just five of them kind of hold you up as you answer the questions. Yeah.

I could imagine that happening. What do you win? Do you win the chair? Fuck all, obviously. Do you get a pen? You win the credibility of being the mastermind. Is it like the Telegraph crossword? I wonder if anyone's ever applied to do

former specialist subjects of Mastermind or Mastermind as their specialist subject. Wow. What would happen? Would the world implode if you did? It's like when you Google Google. Yeah. That's their specialist subject. Wow. What would happen? Would the world implode if you did? It's like when you Google Google. Yeah.

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As mentioned last, I nearly said last week there, got to get used to this new format. As mentioned last episode of Answer Me This, if you visit answermethisstore.com. All built by Ollie Mann's fair hand. Yeah, that's a website that i built using a squarespace template as you'll see it's a store if you want to open your own store it's really good because you get a free web address with squarespace and if you sell stuff like we sell digital files obviously they host the files for you so yeah it is easy and it is good so go do that if you if you try it out and you like it

then use the code answer one to get 10 of squarespace for a year and when i say answer one i mean answer the word followed by the digit one yeah not uh juan like the spanish name juan answer juan yeah answer answer one is the spanish affiliate podcast of this it's really good yeah it, it is. It's great. It's muy bueno. Anyway, here's a question from Damien from Chelmsford, who says, Ollie, answer me this. Talking parrots.

What's that about? That's our own clip show, aren't we? Remember talking parrots? Yeah. What were they on? Yeah. What is the benefit to them of mimicking humans? And, well, publicity.

We're talking about them right now. And do they mimic other creatures or sounds in the wild? Yes, they do. Can they reasonably, can they reasonably be expected to mimic any sound? Or are they limited to the same vocal range as us humans? Why would they have the same one? The birds. They don't, yes.

They have the vocal range of a bird, but that includes some sounds that humans can make, so they can do a fair old mimic of a human. Okay, let's go through this step by step. Okay, let me propose my theory and see if it's right. Is it so that they can mimic predators and scare off other predators? No. Although that's not to say that's not part of it, of course. Or they can mimic other things that the predators don't want to eat?

It's partly a mating thing. It's them saying to other parrots, look at my incredible neural functional ability. Wow! Check me out, ladies. I've got good hearing, memory and muscle control for sound production. Let me mount you. It's like being kind of funny and witty. Yeah, that's nice. It's not like the peacock going, look at my tail, ladies. It's going, hey, as a long-term investment,

I've got a lot of character and talent. Yeah. Because we all know that impressionists are irresistible to ladies. If you liked Bremner Bird and Fortune, you'd like sex with me. That's what the parrot is saying. So what would a gorilla say? Well, it might say a little something like this. But it's somewhat mythologised, isn't it?

The ability of talking birds. They sort of mimic sound patterns, don't they? But they don't actually acquire language as we understand it. No, no, they are just mimicking whatever they hear. So yes, Damien, in the wild, they would be mimicking other birds, not humans, because they clearly would never have heard a human. But in the town, mobile phone sounds... Actually, our canary, which wasn't a particularly powerful mimic,

did mimic the exact tone of our phone. And it wouldn't mimic anything else, it would just mimic that. Well, there's lots of birds, apparently, that do mimic, like mockingbirds do it as well. Miner birds are very, very good as well. Yes, but parrots have really gone away with the brand value on this one. Well, they're also really colourful. Miner birds are like big, scary crows. They are, but I actually,

I feel guilty about imprisoning a parrot in a cage and yet other birds, I'm like, well, they're boring anyway. Do you know what I mean? A parrot is kind of making me think, oh, this is an intelligent animal because it can mimic me

and I feel bad that it's in this environment. It's often used as a plot point in films like courtroom dramas as well. The parrot is the star witness. Yes. And so parrots wouldn't be in as many films, I think, if they weren't able to cheer up punchlines in pirate films and solve crimes. But it is a great plot point though, isn't it?

If someone's philandering or something and then the parrot one day says to his wife, drop your knickers. That is brilliant, isn't it? If it is a way of catching someone out at something they wanted to be secret, the parrot is a great plot device. It's just never going to happen though, is it? In real life. Or is it?

I'd be intrigued if a listener had had a relationship ruined by an indiscreet parrot. Were you outed by a parrot is a great plot device. It's just never going to happen though, is it, in real life? Or is it? I'd be intrigued if a listener had had a relationship ruined by an indiscreet parrot. Were you outed by a parrot? Please let us know. That's a niche question, but you know, with an ever-increasing audience, you never know. Indeed. Here's a question from Joss from Exeter, who says I've recently been not revising for my exams, and thus I've been looking at a lot

of Lego online as something to do. But it's all so much money. So Ollie, answer me this why is lego so expensive more of a rant than a question this isn't it and have you seen the price of lego these days honestly exactly i think you can't get a three-bedroom house in london for less than 40 quid now uh the basic reason lego is so expensive as you put it although i don't think it's outrageous yeah but that's because you're earning. No, I...

I think it's expensive. Well, look, it's a quality product, but... Well, we'll get to that point in a minute. The main reason it's so expensive is it can be. You know, we live in a system of capitalism. They are a premium brand. There's Lego or there's what? Stickle bricks? I doubt it.

Well, exactly. So, you know, if you're comparing it to Playmobil or one of the cheaper brands... Playmobil's a bit crap, isn't it? The quality's a bit better. And importantly, I think, with a toy, especially a pan-generational toy that's been running for so long,

when you have kids, you want them to play with the same toys that you had such joy out of when you were a child. You go to the brand that you love. There's a premium on that. You know, it's like saying, why is Apple so expensive? Why is Porsche so expensive?

You can, but there are rivals that do products that are nearly as good or as good, but you are buying the brand and they are the premium brand. So that's partly it. They're perceived as the best, even if they are just basically selling moulded plastic. So of course they're going to charge the most they can.

Also, some of it is themed and the themed stuff always costs loads. Well, indeed. So that's part of the other reason. They actually, despite the fact that there is this long tail on their products that I just referred to. Well, that's why you need to charge

because otherwise where's the repeat custom coming in? Exactly. So someone will buy it and potentially give it to their grandchildren in 70 years time. So you're charging them for the product that they're going to keep for ages think of it as a fee for future generations to pay for the lego use despite that they also have quite a fast turnaround to keep kids interested so there's film tie-ins there's uh evolving kind of lego techniques products and stuff that you know goes bang and beep and whiz

and all of that stuff costs money, and research and development, and all the rest of it, which the other toy companies aren't necessarily doing. And Lego isn't part of a big corporate monolith. They are still, unbelievably, imagine how much money they have, they are still a privately owned family company. Right, I reckon that's the nub of it then.

Yeah. Despite being the third largest toy manufacturer by sales behind Mattel and Hasbro, rolling in it. Bad news for Fisher-Price. Ahead of Tomy, ahead of Namco, and yet they're private and family controlled. I think Lego's kind of amazing. I mean, when you think about, like,

if I wanted to make a new Lego toy, let's say I wanted to build a new plane or a spaceship. Just hypothetically, imagine I wanted to build a Lego spaceship, says Martin. It's not your birthday till May, Martin. Reaching for the web browser now. There's quite a lot of design that goes into that. And, I mean, even if you just consider

the off-the-shelf Lego bits that you would use to build a spaceship, but quite frequently the designers will say, well, actually we need a new canopy or a new light or a bit that goes onto it. And then you build in all the stuff where there's robotics, electronics. It's really, it's a really good toy.

Not only its reusability, it's a very sophisticated set of toys, set of building blocks. But I remember when I was a child, the small Lego packs that were for making a particular thing were always very expensive but what you want really with lego is just have loads of generic bricks to make all sorts of structures and that is still pretty expensive yes yes but what they'll say is that they'll spread they'll spread the cost of the research and development of the more complicated bits across the basic bricks because otherwise if you were just buying a fence, a Lego fence, that would cost three times more than a brick because it took longer to develop.

Whereas actually it shouldn't. It should be the same cost as a brick because you need to build a house with a fence and a wall. Do Lego people come in different colours now? That is a great question. Or are they just all yellow? I don't know the answer to that. I know that Playmobil, you used to be able to get brown ones didn't you i think so yeah i think because lego like lego indiana jones and lego star wars i'm pretty sure they're yellow yeah i think that's their thing i bet they

have a few token purple faced characters well it's curious isn't it because like in the simpsons they're all yellow but then they have black and brown characters who clearly are african-american slash indian pakistani americans but when they have yellow, that means white. Whereas in Lego, I'm not sure yellow does mean white. I think yellow just means Lego. Or jaundiced. But on the issue of the high-quality product, which I said I would get back to, and now I will.

Because you're a high-quality product. That's right. The thermoplastic that they use is apparently the highest quality non-degradable plastic you can use in a toy. Yeah, that explains why it hurts so bloody much when you step on a piece. They're investing in something they know is going to last for many years. Those moulds are apparently the most expensive, and they make them in Germany, not China.

So they'll say, well, we invest in high-quality European plastic moulds. They do last really well. If you had Lego bricks for a long time, the Lego word normally rubs off the nubbin, but it still functions, 10 years later, doesn't it? Oh, yeah. More than 10, Martin. That's what we need. We need more people having reusable toys and products.

Well, we had Lincoln Logs, and they lasted as long as logs. What is a Lincoln Log? That's Canadian Lego. It's making you can build log cabins out of little notched logs. Is that why you're so into log cabins? Yeah, I think it is. I love log cabins. Finally, it makes sense. She's obsessed with log cabins and beds made of logs.

Yeah, I do love log beds. I wouldn't have one in London, but on holiday, I'm immediately lit up by a log bed. But I think it's because my great aunt Pat, who used to live on Vancouver Island, brought a bucket of Lincoln logs over for us to play with as children. And my goodness, the endless fun you can have constructing small log cabins with those. Why didn't they call it Loggo as a play on lego i'm sir helen mirren sex pensioner normally i have to play it straight getting oscars being the queen or getting my milkers out for the radio times but for giggles answer me this is my prime suspect this is from ed from leeds who says helen answer me this why is coffee

sometimes referred to as a cup of joe is it after joe mangle i've never heard of this oh my god i love it it was after joe mangle if you squeeze joe mangle brown liquid comes out cup of joe i've never heard this expression you haven't never't? Never. It's a very common Americanism. Americans have a lot of nicknames for coffee. Jazz juice. That's a classic. They've already brought in their own perverted sub-genres of coffee anyway with the mocha, frappa, latte, scappa.

Yeah, exactly. Isn't Americano just black coffee? No, it's not. Americano is... It's espresso with hot water. Sorry. It's espresso with hot water. Which is not as nice nice it's like an espresso

cordial and it is it took me literally years to realize that you can go into a nero or a starbucks or a costa and ask for a white coffee like a white filter coffee they don't do it but they don't advertise it because it's half the price of an americano and you fall into the trap if you want a large white coffee of saying can i have an americano with milk which in itself is perverse because an americano is supposed to be drunk black really and, if you want a large white coffee, of saying, can I have an Americano with milk, which in itself is perverse, because an Americano is supposed to be drunk black, really. And then you ask for a large one, and what they do instead of putting more water in it, which is what you do with the filter coffee,

is they give you a double shot of espresso. Right. So actually you're just completely wired, and you've spent £3.50. I'm learning so much about the world of coffee drinking, in which I have never stepped. Yeah, well, I'm back on it. I'm back on it because of my overnight work.

Oh, you've done so well, Ollie. Sort of, but it was a choice of, do I want to be broadcasting for three hours every morning, not fully awake, or do I want to slightly damage my health with the chance I'll have a palpitation? I'll take the latter. Why didn't you just go straight to speed?

Who's to say I didn't, Helen? Who's to say I didn't try out the options first? Amphetamines can be very slimming. Well, Copper Joe has disputed origins which is very tiresome and the most plausible explanation as agreed by internet word nerds is it from cup of java from java coffee uh yeah sort of it's a corruption of possibly java or possibly a word jamoke which itself is an an allusion of Java and mocha. Wow.

That's rubbish, though, isn't it? That is a rubbish explanation. But the one that is most bandied around is saying, before the First World War, the Secretary to the US Navy, Joseph S. Daniels, decided that the army weren't allowed booze anymore, so the army started drinking a lot more coffee, so coffee was called Cup of Joe, disparagingly. But I think that is founded on nothing.

Joe is kind of like the American version of Tom, Dick and harry isn't it it's the name that gets applied yeah the joe blocks thing i wonder if really joe public because yeah because cuppa joe sounds like i've never heard it sounds it sounds informal isn't it it's like a friend you drink several times a day yeah a guy in a diner sitting down hey give me a cuppa joe yeah but you would say that for that awful jug coffee that they have in america but not for an espresso for instance right exactly so the fact that that guy sitting in the 1950s diner of my imagination ever said hey get me a cup of corruption of java and whatever else you said it just seems unlikely well i think so but but also there's no foundation for this world war

one explanation at all because the saying didn't even get recorded till 1930 right so unlikely okay here's a question from Tom from Derby who says I know it's been a while since you asked for whelming facts from our hometowns

when was that two seven eight yeah yeah it hasn't been that long people sometimes get in touch with feedback from like three and a half years ago I can't remember what

you're talking about people that get in touch with feedback from three and a half years ago don't do that they do do that don't they you've been talking about milk a lot

no we haven't yeah no we haven't I was 27 when we did that. Yeah, as soon as it's out of our mouths, we forget it. Yeah, we forget it. But anyway.

Tom says, I recently heard a whelming fact of a hometown that has led me to a question. The thoroughly whelming fact is Derby contains the only statue of Bonnie Prince Charlie on horseback in the world.

What a fact. Presumably, continues Tom, this means that he's on foot in all other statues. Not necessarily. He could be riding a pig or a hippopotamus or he could be on roller skates. I know what he means, though. When you make that caveat, it's just flagging up the fact that there's something unimpressive about it. It's like when the Shard opened and they were like, the tallest building in Western Europe.

And you're like, oh God, is there a bigger one even in Europe? That's a bit crap, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, make it bigger than whatever's in Germany. I mean, just, you know, put the effort in. Put a flagpole on the top. That's what they always do.

Exactly. But Tom says, Helen, answer me this. What makes a statue a statue? See, maybe what they're saying, I suppose, is that this is the only statue of bonnie prince charlie on horseback in the world but there are other types of depictions of bonnie prince what's it on the horseback sculptures abstract sculptures yes well this is it so tom continues

can i make one out of mashed potato in a different city and refute this claim what kind of close encounters with bonnie prince charlie um do statues need to be a certain size, material or location? I'd never thought about this before, but it's actually a really good question. I suspect there's a small print around this to do with longevity. Yeah, if you look at the bottom of any statue, there is small print. It often is, it's got a plaque. All the U's look like V's though. Even if you made a massive statue of Bonnie Prince Charlie in chip paper

and it was the size of Nelson's Column and you put it in Trafalgar Square, the fact that it would blow away and go soggy in three days' time doesn't count, right? It has to stay there for years and years. I would say that statues are a subset of sculpture, and statues are specifically

figurative, like humans or animals, or both. I think a statue is usually less arty than something that would be counted as a sculpture. So it's probably got to be a lot more figurative and a lot more representative of what that person actually looked like rather than an abstract arty representation of what they were like. And also, I think it has to be kind of approximately life size or within the realistic bounds of life size. So Statue of Liberty, I would take issue with the term statue there because that's the size of a block of flats.

A lot of statues are much bigger than the original thing so they're visible. I think with statues and sculptures you have to fiddle with proportions a bit to make it look realistic because actual sized people in statue form look small. Another reason why you have to elevate them on a plinth as well. How tall is Nelson on Nelson's column?

There's still a scale though isn't there? If it's more than four times the height of the original person that's being depicted, I agree it's more of a monument than a statue. Yeah, good point. It's a monument of liberty, really. What about one muac? It's the question we're all asking. That's very difficult, isn't it?

I would say because of the materials being slightly softer, those would be sculptures. I think he'd call them sculptures, wouldn't he? But it's more realistic than any statue I've ever seen. Doesn't it actually just come down to the fact that there is a tradition of statue that goes back to military history? Well, the Greeks before. And indeed, yes.

It's probably religious more than it's military. Fine. But whatever, it's a way of commemorating significant figures from history. Icons. And that is different to sculpture, which is from an artistic tradition. And actually, you can just simply attribute yourself. Is this more in line with the tradition of statue or the tradition of sculpture well there is obvious overlap isn't there but i suppose statue is it's okay for it to be boring whereas sculpture it's kind of wasted opportunity isn't it truly a

lot of the very most famous sculptures are very figurative the rodin you know figures they're very i mean they're not of well-known historical figures but they are very lifative. The Rodin figures, they're very... I mean, they're not well-known historical figures, but they are very lifelike. But I suppose the point of those is to express something more than it is to represent a dead war leader. But how do you know what the intentions of the artist were? Well, you have to look at the small print on the base.

Would you want a statue of you? God, no. Can you imagine anything more terrible? I think we'd love to have the statue of the three of us just on a plinth somewhere in a market town somewhere. No, I don't like the idea that people could be joking around with us and having pictures taken where they do that V for Victory sign and they're like, Forerunners do.

That's just irritating. And being covered in bird shit. And all I'm saying is there are a lot of headless statues in Crystal Palace Park. There's room for the three of us. Yeah. Well, I mean, I wouldn't be so vain as to commission it, but if someone wanted to make a statue of us...

But if a listener wanted to do a Kickstarter, EG... My dad's a sculptor and he's never even wanted to sculpt me. He's had a go at both of my brothers. It's fine. You wouldn't want to do something where you were sort of groping a waxen version of your daughter's boobs? That would be really weird. Firstly, he just did my brother's head.

In Venice, he does specialise, doesn't he, in people sort of caught in the middle of a sporting activity. He used to. That's something that's not really your field. No, it isn't. He's never seen you playing rugby, so he can't really imagine what it would be like to sculpt you. He could capture me in the middle of the movement

of changing TV channel. Actually, if only he'd done a sculpture of you, Helen, when you were eight years old with those NHS glasses whilst playing lacrosse or netball, that's a statue that I would pay good money for now. Well, I'm sure that if you did pay him some good money he would make you that. But grudgingly. I'm not saying I was disappointed, but that would have made a

wonderful wedding gift. And with that we end this episode of Answer Me This. And what a lovely way to go. But we can only come back for more next time if you send us questions to talk about. Yeah, so please do send us them via email, phone or Skype. And our contact details are on our website.

AnswerMethispodcast.com Where you can also find links to Facebook and Twitter to follow us there. And remember, if you want to buy any of our stuff and give us 90% of the revenues instead of giving third-party companies that money, go to AnswerMethisstore.com where you can buy all our classic episodes and things. And rest assured, we do pay our taxes. We'll be back in two weeks.

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