Answer Me This! - AMT285: Saloons, Natalie Imbruglia, and Magnolia

Episode Date: March 13, 2014

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Will Pharrell ever stop trying to make that hat happen? Answer me this, answer me this What's the junctiest junction, spaghetti or clapham? Answer me this, answer me this Helen and Ollie, answer me this Listeners, I'm sure you've been on tenterhooks as we have been since Answer Me This 284 but you're going to have to wait a little minute to find out whether Greg from Baghdad's proposal was accepted or rejected

because we've had this incredible email and it goes like this. My name is Lizzie and I recently won the skeleton at the Winter Olympics in Sochi. Wow. This is Lizzie Yarno. Yes, email from a gold medal winning Olympian.

Thank you very much. You know how excited we were, listeners, when Michael the Archer, who was trying to qualify for the Olympics, wrote in to answer me this and he didn't quite make it. This is an actual Olympian who won a gold medal.

Holy cow. I've been a fan of your shows for many years to the extent of borrowing friends' phones and uploading your podcast without permission. Wow. So she's been sabotaging other people's podcast collections. That's quite a clever marketing technique you know the new michael jackson album they're basically doing that no yeah yeah sony are uh

bundling it together with their new phones wow how cynical is that so if you're a michael jackson fan you want to hear the 10 songs you recorded before he died you have to buy whatever it is an xperia z1 are you going to uh no i'm not that much of a michael jackson fan i can certainly wait you'll be on youtube after two hours lizzie says i just wanted to let you know that i enjoyed your piece about the winter olympics in episode 284 wow and see there you go people who say we don't know anything about sports idiots gold winning olympian thinks we have something to say about sport well yeah she says thanks for your show it's much appreciated especially when i'm abroad training and competing it really does keep me sane.

Do you think she's listening to it when she's hurtling down icy shorts? Oh my God. Lizzie, I have so many questions to ask you. For instance, how do you practice? Because hardly anywhere has an ice channel for you to practice on. So do you just slide downstairs on a tray?

Like we used to as children. And how do you get into a sport like the skeleton in the first place? Like, how do you think, oh, I'd be good at that? Well, I read an article actually interviewing Lizzie Yarnall talking about that. I want to hear from Lizzie Yarnall directly though. You're not interested in your hearsay. Now that we've got a direct line.

I know that she originally was qualified in something else. And then someone spotted her and said, no, you'd be better at skeleton. But she was doing something completely different. How do you know that you have a talent for skeleton? Such an unusual sport. And Lizzie, as you do the terrifying sport of skeleton, do you give the bobsleighs a hard time for being soft? And lastly, is the Olympic Village the den of vice that everyone thinks it is?

Yes, I think it definitely is. But let me know, Lizzie. It's amazing because often we'll talk about a thing and we'll think one of our listeners is bound to work in this field for instance when we talked about lego a few weeks ago someone who works at lego wrote in say oh it's nice to hear you talking about lego but never really expected that someone training for the olympics was listening to the podcast no and equally you do wonder like we were saying things that were relatively flattering about olympians last time relative to our usual apprehension of sport exactly but you

wonder actually we've slagged off celebrities in this show loads of times you know jamie oliver justin timberlake you do what i mean it seems ridiculous that they'd ever know but actually chances are someone who knows them has heard us seems more ridiculous that they'll actually care doesn't it yeah of course i think timberlake's got a very fragile ego he probably is timberlake wouldn't call in would he he'd be like i can't believe you said i had halitosis just based on videos where you can't even smell me fuck you what's weirder is to think that someone who was standing on the gold winning podium at the olympics knows who dave from smethwick is only one step removed from dave from smethwick yeah i never thought it that way that means about coco your cat she's a bronze medalist then technically but it is weird isn't it to think you've got brain

space it like if you knew that um john kerry listened you'd think wouldn't you every time you saw him making a pronouncement about russia you'd think ah he knows all about the guy who put semen in his hair changes things well lizzie arnold thank you so much for getting in touch and tell you what your email was so exciting that even Martin, who of the three of us is the most sports ambivalent, he was like, wow, that's incredible. That's pretty cool. So that was very exciting feedback. But of course, we know that there is some other feedback from last week's episodes that everyone has been waiting for,

and particularly Greg in Baghdad. So let's hear it. Hi, I'm Melinda. This is Nora in Malawi. So the answer to the question is yes. I will marry Greg in Baghdad. Yay! Whoop, whoop, whoop! And the wedding is going to be in Finland in May.

So if you could please let Greg know, that would be great. Thank you. And I wonder if Greg has been waiting to hear the response on the podcast. I really hope that Nora got in touch with him in the fortnight in between episodes. Although he made Rod for his own back

by doing it on our podcast. I mean, we are an inefficient podcast to do this on. You know, Keith and the Girl comes out every day. I've never felt that podcasting is a particularly romantic medium, but you're selling me on it. On to this question from Craig from Edinburgh, who says,

I don't often listen to commercial radio. But I only listen to Olly Mann through the night, one till 4am. Oh, geez. Right? But when I do, I invariably hear Natalie Imbruglia's Torn at some point. Oh yeah, I'm playing that all the time.

This might be just a weird coincidence, but it seems odd that an at best quite good single from 1997 would still be on such heavy rotation 17 years on that every commercial station has it programmed at least once a day. So answer me this. Does Mazin Brulia have compromising photos of some important people in the radio industry? And could Ollie check the LBC playlist to see if I'm right? Obviously, as someone who never has listened to LBC, we don't have a...

We don't play music. No, it's speech radio. The LBC playlist is UKIP, smacking, health tourism, obese children, cycling in London and stop and search. There's not really any room for torn. They do come around at least twice an hour, though. They do, yeah, yeah, yeah.

For me, it's not torn. It's Hazard by Richard Marks. And the only time I hear it is when I'm in a taxi and yet every single time. Seriously, it's uncanny. Well, that's the point, isn't it? I mean, you're referring specifically to Magic there. We've discussed this before.

I mean, Magic is an extraordinary station because there are songs on there that you didn't hear the first time round and yet they're playlisted as if they were massive hits. So like there's that, Sometimes when we touch The honesty's too much I lived through the 80s, never heard that song once

and yet it's on Magic every hour. Glenn Medeiros is forever young on Magic. Nothing's going to change my love for you. That is a great song. And a lot of rock sets, which I'm not complaining about. No, no, and Savage Garden as well. Never went away, never died on Magic. So I think Magic is living proof that there are some songs

that the DNA of them, they just fit the station's demographic. They know ruthlessly who they're targeting with their advertising and that's what they match up with. And Torn is one of those songs, like it or not. The DNA of that song, it's kind of a perfect pop song. I think also it doesn't sound that dated because it's guitar based. And I don't think many people absolutely despise that song, but there are many big hits that people now would run screaming from.

I think it's quite a competent piece of pop songwriting, isn't it? Well, she'll be pleased to hear it yeah except she didn't write it of course no but no well there was the whole controversy wasn't there that it was a stolen song from was it a swede no it was a dane um but actually even the dane didn't write it it was originally written by a sort of four non-blondes type band called edna swap edna swap yeah well uh which sounds like a really dodgy sex practice, doesn't it? If you hear their version, it's on Spotify. It's really boring.

It's all electric guitars and quite grungy. And it doesn't sound like Torn at all. I mean, you can just about identify the melody in there. It's no What's Going On. It's no What's Going On. Don't You by the Pussycat Dolls. That was originally sung by a different singer who... It was originally David Bowie.

She's not the kind of glamour whore type of the Pussycat Dolls. And the fact that this relatively ordinary looking woman was singing it added quite a different spin to the lyrics, I thought. Well, that's often what happens, isn't it? It's like the original You Can Leave Your Hat On, Randy Newman. He's playing a really seedy character in that. Baby, take off your shoes. It's like, I'm a dirty old man, come and lap dance for me.

And then Tom Jones does it. I'm going to fuck you. It's completely different.'m a dirty old man, come and lap dance for me. And then Tom Jones does it. I'm going to fuck you. It's completely different. But it kind of works better in the Tom Jones version, you have to be honest, even though Randy Newman wrote it. Well, Tom Jones sort of makes sleaze seem tolerable for the 21st century. Ironic imbrulia fact. Is imbrulia epiphenomenal?

Epiphenomenal? Please explain for the ignorant, including me. It means peripheral to something more interesting and important. Why would you use a stupid word like that? Have you been reading Will Self? It was a Will Self reference. Why would you do a PhD? I mean, Martin's an endless enigma.

My ironic and brooly fact is that, as well as being known for the song Torn... And playing Beth in Neighbours. She's also a spokesperson for Vaginal Fistula. What? I just think it's funny that, you know, her most famous song is Torn, and that's why she's a

celebrity spokesperson for that it's not ironic it's very appropriate she was probably chosen as the spokesperson because of having done such an appropriate song maybe she's also got that song big mistake having a fistula is a big mistake not one you can help I suppose can you name any other imbrilia songs I think it's really a mistake I mean that suggests that there's some there's some cause of action that could stop you having a fist joy. Apparently I can't name another Imbruglia song. I know there was another one. There was one more, yeah.

There was another whole album, but, you know. Here's a question from Joe in New Hampshire, USA who says, Helen, answer me this. Can you possibly explain the purpose of those saloon doors well, I can help you out with that one. They're doors for a saloon. Thanks. That are always shown in westerns.

I speak, of course, about those swinging doors which start at the knees and stop at the shoulders of a standard cowboy or, say, Clint Eastwood or John Wayne. Obviously, they keep nothing out or in, including dust, wind or rain. What in the world could be the use of such a door? Well, I think it's so that when a bar brawl broke out,

you could throw someone through it dramatically so they sprawled into the street without breaking the door so you had to replace it every time a brawl broke out, which, as we know, was all the time. But that still happens all the time in Yates's Wine Lodge, and yet they have glass doors and security men. They've just got a big human-sized cat flap at Yates's. That would be great, wouldn't it?

If they chucked you out from the third floor up as well in some of those big ones in leisure parks. Down a helter-skelter. And you went all the way down and out into the car lot, that would be great wouldn't it if they chucked you out from like the third floor up as well in some of those big ones in leisure parks down a helter skelter and went all the way down and out into the car lot that would be great i understand that the batwing door as they are batwing i think they are a trope that hollywood has really run with so now they're associated with saloons generally they had normal doors and then hollywood really went for the swinging doors they would have let a lot of cold and dust in and problems. But apparently it may have been because they needed to ventilate the bar if people were smoking in there, for instance,

and they were often long and windowless and stuffy. Well, this is the thing. In the days before air conditioning, if you're in New Mexico or California or Mexico indeed, you'd imagine that you'd need some sort of ventilation system that you're in the shade you're inside but still you want some fresh air coming in

because if you're completely sealed you'd fit, wouldn't you? I think also there may have been something whereby a drinking establishment had to be shielded from the street because of the shame of it and all the ladies of the night and everything

but they also wanted it to be accessible and for the noise to spill out so that people wanted to go in. I guess as well, I'm sure they had rear entrances, but it gives you the option to ride right into the bar on your horse, doesn't it? Oh yeah, and then start shooting your pistols

into the ceiling. Well, just, I was thinking, you know, if you're delivering some kegs or some monkey nuts or whatever it was they had. Moonshine. Yeah, because actually it's just, you know, in those days you didn't need a truck around the back. You could just, you know, bars shut, stocking up in the morning, just ride theonshine. Yeah, because actually it's just, you know, in those days you didn't need a truck around the back. You could just, you know,

bars shut, stocking up in the morning, just ride the horse right in. Yeah, and also you can sweep without opening the door. I mean, it's pretty easy to open the door so you might as well.

There's quite a potent image of the promise of violence isn't there in the saloon door? There is. Because you can see, you can make eye contact across the saloon door

with your opponents, with the people who are about to draw a gun on you, but you can't actually start fighting until you push the door open. And then you're in the space of combat. So it's a sort of restrained violence, which is a very common Western theme, isn't it? This question is effectively an episode of 99% Invisible, isn't it? There's a lot you could say about doors to bars. I've never really thought about it before.

Roman Mars, I know you're listening. Can you just sort this out for us and report back because there's the speakeasy door as well is that a different kind of door is it not the same door no no speakeasy door is sorry sorry for getting them mixed up no i'll give you the cliche and then you'll know exactly what i mean you knock on the door a little hole opens little flat who sent you well you say something like dick sent me yeah and then they shut the thing and then they wait five seconds, then they open it up and there's dancing girls. Anybody who is anybody. Somehow it's an entirely soundproof door as well.

Yeah. Even though that technology probably didn't really exist. And the party's always raging in a speakeasy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's never just a load of piss heads. And you're never there too early, so it's just you and the lights are all up. Yeah, yeah.

So we're just doing coffees at the moment, but if you come back in an hour... If you've got a question, then email your question to answermethispodcastatgooglemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com

So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts.

Time for a question from Jax, who says, One of my very good friends is single and keen to bag herself a chap. That's how it works, isn't it? Find a man, put a bag on his head, done. If you like it then, you should have put a bag on it. We have jokingly called this Project Husband. That's a great name for a TV show, I think. I'm surprised that hasn't happened, actually.

It probably has happened, hasn't it? Who to present? Joan Rivers, I think. She, I think, would just scare so many of the women. Okay. Gok Wan? I think... Oh, that's quite good, actually. So you have Gok Wan out on the street with a bag to bag the husbands

and then you bring them upstairs and Joan Rivers is there to interrogate them. It's sort of like Street Mate with Davina but with an added element of hunting. I think what I'm saying is Gok Wan plus Joan Rivers plus bin liners, dream format. Frightening. The trouble is, continues Jax,

she's a little dismissive of ways to meet men and not really taken with the idea of online dating or Tinder, etc. I love to solve a problem. You and us both, Jax. And have convinced her that going to a singles night would be a good compromise, as it's a bit closer to a natural environment of meeting someone, i.e. getting drunk near some boys. However, she doesn't have any single friends

to go with her and asked if I would go along. Right. I am recently married and whilst I've done my fair share of standing next to friends being chatted up and my husband doesn't mind me going, I feel a little uneasy. I'm not suggesting that the entire room will flock to me, but if I'm stood alone, there's a reasonable chance I might get chatted up. I don't want to be one of those awful nobs shouting, I've got a husband, the second anyone of the opposite sex talks to me.

But also, they'll have probably paid £15 to meet some single women, so I don't want to waste their time. Good to look at it from a commercial basis, isn't it? Jax continues, also, I suffer mildly with social anxiety and a desperate need to be liked. That's good, being a human being. So we're all on that scale, yeah. So brushing people off but still being liked is highly important to me.

Well, OK, so you could get something out of this affirmation. So Helen, answer me this. At what point do I politely decline any potential suitor's advances? And how? Well, it's tricky, isn't it, though? If she wants to be liked, it means she can't go looking hideous and mad, which would drive away a lot of suitors. Like if you went unwashed wearing a stained tracksuit,

that would keep them away. Yeah, but also... Maybe. I don't know. If I was at a singles night and I was looking around and all the women looked kind of samey because they'd all put in an effort... You'd go for the nutty ones.

If there was one that had, yeah, like, sort of, you know, moths flying around her hair and wearing an old jumper with holes in it, I'd kind of think, she's interesting. She looks like a gas. And that's how Helen and I met. It is cool when people don't try too hard, isn't it? Yeah, it kind of is. That's the thing.

And I'd think at least I want to have a conversation with that one. Yes. Because she's interesting. She's different. I want to know what sort of moth that is. And also, actually, I'd probably think somewhere in the back of my mind, I think, if one of the pretty girls saw me talking to that one, they'd think, oh, he's not just interested in looks,

which is a good thing to seem to be doing at a singles night. So that could backfire. You're such a pick-up artist. On the other hand, women often enjoy the competition of beating someone they feel is superior to them for the affections of a man. So maybe they wouldn't see Moth Lady as a particular inducement for their own romance.

Maybe. I can't believe that your friend doesn't have any single friends and that you jacks can't rustle up a singleton to go with her because you're taking up the place of somebody who could be legitimately looking for love. Why can't she go on her own? I mean, I know it's a bit intimidating and so on, but... But it's a singles night, that's the point.

Yeah, they're all alone. I think I'd prefer going by myself to a singles night. It's embarrassing, someone you know watching you doing flirting or making a sexy face. I mean, that's mortifying. The thing is as well, you might be inclined to massage the truth a little bit about your life and your lifestyle. Yeah.

And that's difficult when your friend's there because they'll undercut, oh, no, that's not true. You didn't do that. Shut up. I did. I so did own that company. Your friend needs not to use you as a lifeline on this single night because then she won't talk to any new people

She can't just stand in the corner and chat to you feeling safe She's got to go out there and mix Okay, so I think we're all saying actually We'd prefer the idea that she didn't go at all But as soon as she is going, she's committed to going I mean, there's an obvious way out of this Is wear a really ostentatious wedding ring But then you may be barred from the singles night

Not if you've paid It's like going to Fight Club going, I'm just here to watch wear a really ostentatious wedding ring. But then you may be barred from the singles night. Not if you've paid. It's like going to Fight Club going, I'm just here to watch. Yeah. And it seems like Jax wants the, she wants the ego boost of being flirted with by men and then not have to do anything about it. But actually, okay, the bottom line is

there's nothing wrong with flirting with someone even if you're in a relationship. At some point you have to tell them you're in a relationship and you don't want to be leading them on. But having a 10-minute flirtatious conversation, truth is the chance that the person who's flirting with you really, really likes you and wants to take you home and is assuming that something's going to happen

is probably only 20% anyway. They're probably just thinking, well, this is a fun, flirty conversation, then I'll go and talk to someone else. Yeah, that's a good point. They're probably there to gather as many contact details as possible. Just give them the wrong ones. In fact, adopt many mysterious identities

and have a bit of fun that way, Jax. What you could do, Jax, is pretend to be one of the staff at the venue. Oh, yeah. Just start clearing tables so your friend can go and talk to you if she's feeling insecure, but you just stack up glasses

and take them back to the bar. I was wearing a yellow polo shirt the other day in Ikea and someone thought I was tough. So maybe that's it. Just watch what people are wearing. Yeah. And if you can match that in some way, people will just assume you're staff

and then you don't have to necessarily think through the deception. Why don't you go in a nun's habit? Just looking to make sure that nothing too impure goes on. Yeah, nice idea. Well, now it's time for a short intermission brought to you by Answer Me This, episode 128. Available now at answermethisstore.com. When I first started at secondary school,

there was this woman called Penny who was charged with looking after us. Penny. This Irish woman who was obsessed with America. Absolutely obsessed. Anyway, she was so into Americana that her thing was, at the end of the year, her class, who were 10 years old,

would go into the Leaver's Ball, which was 17 and 18 year olds. Drunk ones, presumably as well. Drunk 17 and 18 year olds. And. Drunk ones, presumably, as well. Drunk 17 and 18-year-olds, and perform for them the Grease Megamix. It's horrifying, isn't it? And I was part of that. She'd done it the year before, and they'd loved it.

The Leavers Ball, it had gone down a storm. Someone had spiked the punch with something really psychedelic, they did. But we just weren't up for it, we weren't getting it, and it was really obvious right from the beginning. Tell me more, tell me more. But I'll tell you the reason why. We had I think it was 18 boys, 3 girls.

So the whole kind of summer loving thing was just uncomfortable. Like a pack of advancing wolves. Let's take a question from the phone line folks, the number for which is 02081235807 Or you can Skype, answer me this. Let's see who's done that. Hi, my name's Philip from Berlin.

Every year I go to my aunt's house in London, so it's Seder night at the beginning of Passover. She's a vegetarian, so there's never any meat, and she usually cooks a big fish pie or some other kind of course but I don't eat seafood and so for the last 15 years or so I've had a bowl of mini baby bells and little cheeses all to myself and that's been my main course because I once said I liked them but now I feel like I need a bit more to get me through these long evenings. I've just found out that this year my aunt's going to be doing two Seder nights.

So I'm going to have to do it twice and I don't want to eat two bowls of Baby Bell. So bear in mind that historically she hasn't taken anything critical very well. How can I gently suggest to my aunt that I need something a bit more substantial for the day tonight? Well, anyone who serves you a bowl of mini Baby Bells is obviously so demented that giving her a sensible argument isn't going to work. Yeah, I think that's right. I think you have to be direct, but not in a way that's critical of the Baby Bell itself. I think what you have to do is say, auntie, this mini Baby Bell is so delicious. However, did you make it? I'm even prepared to bunch it into some other kinds of cheese.

I think exactly. I think, you know what's really nice is Babybel and Brie. I think that's what you have to say. Or you could just tell her that at the moment you've been told to cut out dairy. And what's he left with? Because she doesn't have meat and he doesn't eat fish. And it's Passover, so you can't even have bread.

Matzah. Matzah's nice. Can I ask a question of Jews? Yes. Cheese. Yes. Is made from rennet. Yeah.

Which is animal stomach. Yeah, skip to the point. Milk and meat. Yes. If you eat cheese, which is made with animal rennet. Yes, you get kosher cheese. Is that mixed in with milk and meat? You can get vegetarian cheese, kosher cheese.

So you just have to eat vegetarian cheese, not animal rennet. But also, Jews often overlook contradictions in... Yes. Sorry, my people, but you know it's true. Well, I mean, the whole thing is based on the idea that God passed over the doors of the firstborn who put a bit

of slaughtered goat on their door. Lamb blood, wasn't it? Yeah. But then killed the firstborn of everyone else. God is such a knob. He's awful. Why does everyone worship else. God is such a knob. He's a massive dick in that story. Why does everyone worship him when he's such a nightmare? And they're like, oh, thank you, God, for liberating us from slavery.

It's like, yeah, what the fuck were you doing for the other 2,000 years? Just letting us get on with it. All right, Richard Dawkins. Passover is fun anyway, even though I don't believe in it. I mean, I do believe that the story happened, obviously, to some extent. I believe there were Jews in Egypt in slavery. They went on a walk. What's nice is that you know that uh the jewish people for 3 000 years have done that exact

ceremony in exactly the same way that i'm doing it well not in exactly the same way because all my family shout at each other rather than concentrate on the hebrew but you know basically in exactly the same way and that that element of tradition is quite exciting yeah what the the bitter herbs and the hard-boiled egg what's the the egg for? It's always tears, I don't know. The salt is always tears. Taste of tears. I'm talking Ashkenazi foods because Safadi Jew foods are delicious. When God

killed on the firstborn he cried and the first tear that hit the ground turned into a giant egg. The egg is something to do with birth isn't it? Rebirth from slavery or something like that. And the salt is tears. That soup's great though. My aunt does, she does this sort of I guess it's a chicken soup really, but they put so

much salt and egg in it that it's delicious. It's really nice. But it's, yeah, you've got to like salt and egg. Chicken and egg is a very immoral combination. Well, Philip's aunt's a vegetarian so it's not going to happen. But Philip, maybe you could say to her, look, two nights in a row, that's a lot of work for you.

Maybe I could cook one night and then cook something that's not Babybel. Presumably, though, just because she doesn't eat meat and you don't eat fish. I mean, there is a world of vegetables in between. I mean, how did you arrive at Babybel as the solution? Well, Philip doesn't know. How does anyone arrive at a bowl full of Babybel as a meal? Because he once said he liked it. That seemed to be the... He once said, oh, I i like baby bell and his aunt has gone oh brilliant we're just

feeding baby well every time we say yeah this happened with my non-jewish grandmother in the 70s she read in a magazine a recipe for a soup which was tin consomme whipped up with philadelphia and curry powder oh the philadelphia rises to the top and forms a curry flavored plug and my parents like this is lovely, thank you, and got served it every time for 20 years. It's disgusting. That's so difficult, isn't it? Someone's got a recipe, they like to

stick with it. And you've got to be complimentary the first time, haven't you, even if you don't really like it. But then they think, well, I better not deviate. So I think you probably have got to pretend that there is some medical condition that you can't eat Babybel. Yeah, maybe that's the way forward. But then you can't have any other cheese.

No, I think what you've got to do, I mean, on her past form of feeding you a bowl of cheese, you've got to be specific. You've got to say, my doctor says I need to only eat salad, i.e. lettuce, cucumber and tomato mixed up. Jews love the words of doctors as well. So she'll probably go for that.

Yeah, Dr. Levy said, that's how you do it. Dr. Levy said, I need to eat green salad twice a day. Then at least you've got yourself some balanced meal there. I think a simpler option is just to bring some ingredients

you might want to eat. Weird Sadanite thing. Oh, was it when our dog proved herself to be Elijah? No, but go on. Because you know at Passover you lay an extra place at the table and then at some point

you open the door and allow Elijah to come in. dog came in she is Elijah right she's dead now it wasn't Elijah yeah it wasn't that um no my thing is so for the benefit of Gentiles listening on Seder night what you do every year is you you retell the story of the liberation of the Jews from slavery and never gets old And you all go around the table and you read a verse from this book, which tells the story, and you only read it at Passover. I mean, some people probably really love the book

and read it all the time, but that's weird. So you all go around, you all take a verse each, and in secular families, especially in Britain, it's become traditional to not just read the Hebrew because no one understands what that means, but actually read the English translation yes so we go around we actually read it all in english so we do a few concessions to hebrew but it's mostly in english can you read hebrew very slowly and embarrassingly yeah um like i have to like phonetically work it

out and then a bit like when i'm playing the piano and i have to write out f a c e on the on the scale presumably you peaked when you were 13 because after bar mitzvah you don't really need to use it that much yeah it hasn't come up much in my career in podcasting um but uh we all go around we take a verse in english anyway my family on passover is there's probably about 16 of us right because it goes up to like first and second cousins my auntie elaine has everyone around um we all take a verse of the book each and then go it goes on to the next person a bit like reading comprehension aloud in school somehow i always man it doesn't matter where i sit doesn't matter whether i'm sitting at the end in the middle whether it starts with me whether i'm the last

to read somehow when it gets to the passage about what the stupid child asks it's always me and i do think that is some kind of sign from God. What does the stupid child ask? So one of the stories at Passover is, why is this night different to all other nights? And you go around and it said, the learned child asks, why is this night different to all other nights? And the learned rabbi said this. And then, you know, the inquisitive child asks,

da-da-da-da-da. It's written like a fairy story, you know. And then it always gets there. And basically it means the slow, probably mentally disabled child Asks And I can't remember Exactly what they ask But it's something

Really stupid Go to the toilet Why isn't there a musical About Passover And it's always me It's always me Playing the stupid child And it's incredible

It is like a sign from God I don't know if my family Plan it out that way As a joke Trolls I don't know what they're doing God's a troll But yeah

Biggest troll on the mall Do you remember How websites used to be? Comic sons and backgrounds that look like trees. Flash intros, links to geocities. But now,

thanks to Squarespace, your site needn't be crappy. They make great design easy so everyone's happy. And on desktop phones and tablets, your site looks well snappy. Thank you very much, Squarespace, for sponsoring this episode of Answer Me This. Yes, and thank you for everything you're doing, Squarespace,

for making the internet look a less cluttered place with your beautifully designed web templates. If you would like to design a website that looks nicer than a shit one, go to squarespace.com, free trial, and then if you like it and you want to buy it for the year, use the code ANSWER3 to get 10% off. Time for a question from M, who says, Helen, answer me this.

Why is rented accommodation uniformly magnolia? It's not nice. It looks, probably through the association of experience grubby well it is the same color as grubby paint though yeah even when it's new it's the exact color of a white wall that's faded isn't it well m says it reveals weird stains um reveals is that fair yeah no i don't think it is fair and i think that's the answer to the question i think it actually suppresses some weird stains compared to white paint. That's the point of it. I think it evens out the weird stains

because it all looks like weird stains. Exactly, yeah. I'm assuming that all private landlords, continues M, are feckless, tasteless brutes with an ingrained hatred of individual expression. But I may be jumping to conclusions. Seems fair.

No one loves Magnolia. Bet Dulux love it. Yeah, cha-ching. Pretty good premium they can put on that, isn't it? It's a funny one, isn't it? Because there are a lot of things that they think, well, no one loves this, but no one hates it. But they're wrong, because I hate Magnolia.

Would you prefer a wall with real character that was more divisive? So, for example, if your landlord, instead of recently painting your walls Magnolia, had said, right, you're going to have half pink, half black, what would you have felt? At least it would be something. It would be. it would be a strip club from the 1980s would you like it though well that was my best era for going to strip clubs in our old house the ceilings were all made of what looked like saunas they all had the like orange pine planks uh and the

landlord who built that house was like i don't think i'd do that again i guess because it is divisive and it makes you think of people sweating in a shed well that's it i suppose they must have done market research one day or perhaps it's apocryphal but anyway the perception is most people find magnolia the most inoffensive or just because when you're a renter you don't really have the choice to be offended by it you're rarely allowed to decorate your own home that's what you're stuck with how can you protest okay but you're seeing that from the renter's point of view but seeing it from the landlord's point of view they're trying to maximize the amount of money they can get they want a bigger return if they knew that by painting

it orange more people would pay the more money they would but clearly that isn't the case but what about just white some say it looks stark but magnolia has a lot of gray in it so that can look very dingy and cold yeah no i agree i i agree with you, but I just assume that the market has dictated this for a reason. I think it's just sheep-like mentality. Maybe. Is Magnolia cheaper than white paint? I was just about to ask. Maybe it is.

You've been repainting a house. Did you even consider painting any room Magnolia? No. Well, here's another question of home improvement. Oh, you can't call Magnolia an improvement. From Joe, from Ferrum, who says, another question of home improvement oh you can't call magnolia an improvement uh from joe uh from farum who says having moved house recently to a doer upper uh i've spent a large part of the last few weeks drilling into the freshly plastered walls putting up curtain rails and pictures

etc sex swings etc that is a heartbreaking process actually because if you've if you've plastered the walls... Breaking into a pristine wall. Yeah, because it can go wrong. And even if it goes wrong just by an inch. I think they're putting up a sex swing as a disheartening process. I don't even know what a sex swing is. I guess any swing can be a sex swing, can't it, actually?

Not those ones that are clearly meant for people so young and they can't even sit up by themselves. With the little cages in them. Yeah. Could be good for BDSM. Stop it. At the start of this process, continues Joe, I asked my wife to pass me a roll plug.

Oh, yeah. Racy. It's a great story so far, but what happens next? Amazing. But after overhearing someone in B&Q referring to roll plugs as wall plugs... No. Speech defect.

I have now started using this different terminology at home. It is good to shake things up a bit. Bringing fresh ideas into the bedroom. My wife has asked why I have changed. Joe, you're not the man I married! Rather than tell her I was just copying someone who looked like they vaguely knew what they're doing, I just made up a story about wall plug being a brand name. So it's the same thing as a wall plug um so helen answer me this am

i right uh if not why did i use the term raw plug and which should i use moving forward so i can impress the till staff at b and q with my vast diy knowledge because of course they really care about that don't they they're all on minimum. And the only thing that gets them through the day is whether Joe from Fairham knows what a roll plug is called. Yeah. These are people who are starved of natural daylight, Joe. You think they'd give any shits? Why are you talking to them about roll plugs anyway?

Yeah. The most exciting moment of the day is when people ask for nectar points. They're like, no, that's home base. Why don't you just ask them about their lives? Exactly. Always talking shop. Does he have a point? Yes. Well, he didn't really make up this story at all so wall plugs were

invented by john joseph rawlings who then named them raw plugs after himself which you would wouldn't you if you invented something so boring you might as well get might as well get something out of it might as well get a bit of glory out of it yeah so the generic term is wall plug but because they are roll plugs and he perfected the roll plug they are both and yet i bet you can't actually get roll plugs as a brand anyway i bet it's not registered i haven't looked to be honest i mean listeners this is how much i love you i have read three histories of roll plugs today and that is as far as i'm willing to take this yeah yeah well in my journeys within diy superstores i've not noticed that there is a brand of wall plugs are they called wall plugs well this is it maybe they are called wall plugs it's just so boring that you can't actually take

on this information i think they're wonderfully designed items but what are they supposed to be called martin i think they're called but i suspect it's one of those things where lisping and language mutation will mean that in 100 years' time, if this exists, they'll be called wall plugs. Because it makes more sense. And it's almost the same word as wall plug. What about John Joseph Rawlings' legacy, Martin? I wonder whether the technology's going to come for a super adhesive that's easier to put up

than a wall plug. Because you still need to have a basic knowledge of DIY. You've got to use a drill and a hammer and get it in line. Yeah, but... Someone like me... What? Super adhesive will ruin your wall.

You're barely a man, Ollyman. Come on. Martin. It's not that difficult. You drill a hole, you hammer the hole again... Stop. What you've already said is difficult. I've never drilled a hole. You've never drilled a hole?

No, and I've got a drill. I went and bought a drill because I thought that would make it easy to drill a hole by a drill you've got a hand tremor though so yeah you could start drilling a hole and take out a whole wall i can't even i can open the box that the drill's in good that's a start that's step one important but then you open it up and there's like 12 different sizes of drills in there and a i don't know which one i'm supposed to choose for the job because i'm just drilling a hole i don't know what size it's supposed to be and b i i can't then get the drill bit attached to the drill without looking in the instruction manual because there's no obvious button on there to do it do you know

what Ollie I think that you are striking a blow for gender stereotypes so congratulations I'm a warrior do you want me to give you a tutorial I'm a nerd and I know how to use a drill I hate sports but I can still put up a picture I know how to pay someone with a drill and that's good enough for me. I had a handyman came over about a month ago and it was great. It was a proper village handyman he advertises in the parish newsletter and

I waited until I had 12 jobs for him to do all of which I should have been able to do myself but it was just so satisfying to pay a proper man £100 to do them all for me. That's awful. He painted a bit of the ceiling that I couldn't reach, which I'd rather I'd fall down the stairs if I did. He cut off the TV aerial, which we don't need because we've got

Virgin and it was just kind of protruding from the wall. He sanded down the door to the garage. Are you going to tell us all 12 jobs you had to do? Well, not if you're not interested, Helen. Fancy that, I'm not. The only people that normally need help with their sorts of jobs are old women, I know. Elderly widows. I know, i know but well look he did a good job and if i'd done them myself i would have done a bad job if you give me 90 quid i'll come and do this okay deal

my dad apparently flipped out when my mom suggested that they get a tree surgeon in to deal with the fact that six massive trees had come down in their garden during the recent storms because he likes to believe he's handy with an axe doesn't he well he's he is handy with an axe and a chainsaw but he is a man in his 70s who is incredibly slow, but he felt that he was very much unmanned by this suggestion. That's how seriously he takes his home lumberjacking. Well, since I found them out, you're going to hear some rule plug facts. Oh, brilliant. No, no. Well up for it.

Yeah, the reason why rule plugs came to be is thanks to the British Museum. What happened is that after the First World War, they were retrofitting a lot of old buildings with electrics so they needed time-saving devices quite quickly and they didn't want to damage the masonry in the british museum and they needed the fittings put on there unobtrusively and so john joseph rawlings invented the raw plug to do just that oh was he actually contracted by the british museum then i think he was an inventor he did other sort of diy things he had a company from the 1890s it's interesting it was essentially you know something that's now a staple of uh it's not a staple it's a rule plug uh now a fixture yeah in both senses

of diy was something that was invented really for a tourist attraction you know with an industrial purpose stick with us listeners here is another amazing question of why a boring thing is called a boring thing it called a boring thing. It's from Michael from Southampton, who says, Ollie, answer me this. Why is the place for deleted files in Windows called the recycle bin? You can only choose to delete the files forever or to take them out again. I'm not a waste management expert, but that doesn't sound like recycling. Because you're either disposing or retrieving. You're not transmuting ituting it into a different thing correct i think there's two reasons for this uh reason number one it is

to indicate that theoretically you could use the files again which obviously you can you're not just throwing them away you're putting them in a place which you can get them out of which is a form of recycling could it be argued that you're also recycling the available computer space by disposing of this file in order to fill it with another file that's very clever lateral thinking it could be it absolutely when you recycle something you don't expect it to retain its original form if you have a plastic bottle bottle you don't expect it to make another identical plastic bottle you just expect the plastic to be reused sure in the same way the ones and zeros from that file will be used in a different way that won't reflect its original

form but i think the second second reason is the real reason, and it's a reason of copyright. Apple came up with the phrase trash first. So Apple copyrighted, in its Lisa interface in 1982, the word wastebasket, and then sued anyone who used the word trash or anything like it. So Microsoft thought, what's close enough?

Rubbish. Wheelie bin. Recycle it. So Microsoft thought, what's close enough? Rubbish. Wheelie bin. Recycle bin. So hence recycle bin. Wow. Which actually I think is actually... I'm satisfied with that and I didn't expect to be. I think they did well because I think Windows 95 would be worse without that functionality. So it's just as well they had it and they had to call it something.

And I think it is far enough away from trash to not be suitable. Is that when they introduced it, 95? Windows 95, yeah. Wow. Okay. Tech rant. You know Clippy, right? I do. You brought up away from trash to not be suitable. Is that when they introduced it, 95? Windows 95, yeah. Wow. Okay, Tech Rant, you know Clippy, right? I do. You brought up Clippy. I fucking hate Clippy.

Well, you're going to hate new Google Maps because when you sign into new Google Maps, they're like, hi, I'm Mappy Tosspot. No, they don't do that. Yeah, little yellow waving man. Have you learned nothing from the last 20 years of watching people have meltdowns in front of a computer screen? I threw him in a lake.

Did you hold him down and watch him drown?iggling his little yellow limbs i threw him down onto a busy motorway but i do wonder actually if you if you locate this to 1995 as well i wonder whether uh in the context of microsoft being uh evil global corporate and everything whether actually the term recycle bin was the work of some hippie-ish programmer who actually thought, yeah, let's promote the idea of recycling subliminally through our products, even though the whole notion of unnecessarily

upgrading your computer from one Windows platform to another does create waste. But if you look at Microsoft versus Apple, Apple, when their computer gets out of date, you just chuck it in the bin and buy a new one. With Microsoft, you could buy a new motherboard back in the day, a new hard drive. There is a recycling element. Also, you don't have to call it

recycle bin on Windows. If you're a proper nerd, there are cut-arounds so you can rename it. Anything you want. Yeah, so Martin, I presume yours would be the Wazflaps disposal or something. Yeah. What would you use?

That's what it's called. I don't know if we've discussed this before, but the things martin names on helena martin's joint computer system they're appalling things just a point like i just at one point you're gonna have someone's mother around and they'll be like what's the wi-fi darling oh it's piss cunt oh piss what what's the password it's shitty j. I'm sure there's a folder when we were recording this and I was in a particularly bad mood. Yes, there is, called Helen's Cunting Shitfuck. Thank you very much. Sorry, I thought it was Ellie's Cunting Shitfuck.

You're a nightmare, Martin. So given the opportunity, what would you rename a recycle bin? Skanky old bucket. I'd probably go for something a bit more existential, like sort of wormhole or, you know... I'd call it the file cemetery. That's quite good, yeah. Although you are then introducing death into a programme

that they were marketing very much as a rejuvenating force. You've got me thinking really hard now about what you'd call that folder, because there's an information theory that says if you destroy information, it consumes energy. So just to get rid of information, it consumes energy. Maxwell's furnace, something like that. I'm not sure where Martin's going with this this are you sometimes martin says things during the podcast recording and i make a little note with myself i'm like i'll enjoy listening back to that at

some point writing i'll understand some notes looking up on wikipedia what martin's on about shannon's information theory a couple of years time i'll listen back but uh in the moment i've no idea what he just said well that brings this episode to a close but in order to open the next episode we need your questions. And so please email, phone or Skype them to us. Our contact details for your convenience are on our website. AnswerMeThisPodcast.com And remember our various audio side projects as well.

You can listen to me every night, weeknight from 1 till 4am on LBC. Those hours never get any easier. Well, you can listen to it. There's an LBC podcast app as well if you want to get the podcast but it does cost

I think it's £2 a month Helen I do many side projects you can see what on my website helenzaltman.com and Martin I do all kinds of stuff

as well I have a very busy and exciting life in fact but you might want to listen to my music at thesandoftheladies.com what a way to spend

the next two weeks listeners don't say we don't look after you on our. What a way to spend the next two weeks, listeners. Don't say we don't look after you on our weeks off. And we will see you in two weeks' time. Bye!