Answer Me This! - AMT287: Hello Kitty, Snooze Buttons and Human Statues

Episode Date: April 10, 2014

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Would you rather drown than get on an ark with Russell Crowe? That's the way it is, that's the way it is Why do you say goodbye when I say hello? Hello, hello, I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello, that's the way it is We start this episode with a slapped wrist for Ollie Oh, plus ça change And I did that with a relatively decent accent

so that French people can't get in touch and be upset You are really improving at French Merci Well, this slap comes from Chesney in Torquay Must be named for Chesney Hawke, surely That's extraordinary, isn't it? Why did your parents name you Chesney? The parents looked at the child and thought

He is our one and only I see, yeah And then when he gets older And rebels a bit against them He could use Chesney Hawks' follow-up hit I'm not your little boy, I'm not your little toy. Even Chesney Hawks can remember that one. Well

Chesney in Torquay says, last episode Ollie, you said that the Fez hasn't been on primetime television since Tommy Cooper and it needs a revival. I did say that. But I debate that the Fez has quite recently been back in the spotlight. Matt Smith's reign as the Doctor in Doctor Who brought many things back into fashion.

Bow ties, tweed blazers, well, Martin brought those back into fashion since birth, and also the Fez. Sorry, are you saying something? I fell asleep after the words Matt Smith. It is hilarious, isn't it, when our geeky listeners realise we're not as geeky as they think we are. None of us watched Doctor Who, not even Martin think we are none of us watch Doctor Who not even Martin

who you'd expect would watch Doctor Who and I think in the future we should bait these listeners more I think we should be like you know it's long overdue that a time travelling phone box appeared on Saturday Night Television just like complete deadpan you're so cruel Ollie and I love it

why don't they make any movies about superheroes anymore it's just so weird. It's such a rich scene to be mined again and again and again monotonously. Also, Chesney, I put it to you that while Matt Smith may have been seen wearing a fez, and while people around the country have been wearing bow ties and tweed jackets, possibly related to the stylings of Matt Smith, they have not adopted the fez with similar fervour. Yes, I haven't seen it on the street.

I think it still has too many troubling overtones. Also, on the subject of hat feedback, numerous people tweeted me to point out that there are, in fact, celebrities who do wear Panama hats. Oh, fine. Of course there are. I mean, there's a fetish for everything in this world. The man from Del Monte wears a Panama hat. When was he last on our screens?

I don't remember any Del Monte adverts since childhood. Yeah, I think it's been at least 10 years. He wore the full Martin Bell outfit. So, you know, the white jacket, the linen trousers. And I think, you know, if your job is going around exotic destinations, testing soft fruit. You're going to get spillage.

You'd be better off wearing something with a bit of colour in it to cover up any of the inevitable juice that's going to fall over your outfit. Maybe a Hawaiian shirt. Exactly, that would have been perfect. Maybe he had that sort of Teflon-coated, stain-resistant clothing that they give to school children.

It's got to be a sort of status symbol, hasn't it? If you're the sort of man that can travel around the world, eat a lot of fruit, and still remain pristine like Alec Guinness. You're doing pretty well, aren't you? If Doctor Who just involved Matt Smith trying not to spill fruit on himself for an hour, I'd watch it.

Yeah, me too. A man called Martin has tweeted me as well to say that in the Are You Being Served movie, both... What? We're talking really mainstream now. Yeah, both Captain Peacock and Mr Rumbled wear a Panama hat as well.

Oh, how stupid of you not to know that. So there we are, right up to date with the contemporary reference there. What about that's episode 286 taken care of. But if you go a bit further back, there's this. Hello, Helen and Ollie.

It's Dave from Smedic again. It's Dave from Smedic. He's back after a year of silence. OK, everyone, whatever you're doing right now. Sit down. Yeah, clear the next minute. Do not operate heavy machinery.

Just enjoy this moment. I'm sorry I've not been in touch for a while. I've been quite poorly. Anyway, there is an Olympian what knows me, and that's Tessa Sanderson. She, and Marty might know this, she used to work for the Telford Development Corporation and my mum was from Smedica at the time but we was living in Sedgley and she would she would travel over to the cleaning down the M54 there and Tessa Sanderson she met me uh when I was a little lad and she does know me because when she got into

the Olympics um I made her a like a thing like a craft thing at school I made that for her and she does know me Dave from Smedwick so it's not that mad that an Olympian knows a Dave from Smedwick

I've never been so happy to be proven wrong Well I did not know that Tessa Sanderson worked for the Telford Development Corporation. Well, she emigrated to Wolvo when she came to this country, Martin. So she's a local girl. Oh, really? Where's she from originally? Jamaica. No, she went to Telford of her own accord.

No one goes to Telford of their own accord. Hello, it's Ricky and Peter in Yates. Answer me this. How come you have to kiss when you go through a kissing gate? Why is it called a kissing gate? You don't actually have to kiss when you go through a kissing gate. You're allowed through without kissing somebody, especially if you're by yourself.

Well, actually, I go walking by myself around my country park quite regularly now. And you stand by the gate hoping to get a little kiss. I sometimes do little air kisses as I go through the kissing gate. I thought we've got this picture of you kissing yourself on the shoulder or something. Or your hand. You draw a little lipstick mouth on the crook of your thumb and forefinger. Just give it a good old snog.

Where you turn your back and you pretend your hands are someone else's hands and you're doing a big hug. I fire up my iPhone and I do a selfie and I delicately kiss the screen as I go through. I would have thought this was very obvious. Why is a kissing gate called a kissing gate? It's called a kissing gate because in the action of going through the gate pulling

it to and then pushing it away from yourself the person who you're walking with and both of you can't fit through the gate at once unless you're very thin and small are facing each other face to face at which point it is natural to consider kissing each other if you are romantically entwined i've been through a lot of kissing gates in my time and that has never happened it's never been an issue you must have even noticed that you're suddenly brought face to face with the person that was walking behind you that's an unusual physical reaction i'm not really brought face to face so i don't need to rotate as i go through it you do well you don't you could you're right you could push it without looking but most people turn around to check they're getting it in place and passing it on to the

person behind you have such a romantic mind ollie do you want to know the unromantic truth oh god it's not about like containing sheep or something is it well that is what they're for because the point of a kissing gate is that you don't need to latch them but presumably an animal would rather struggle to get through one so instead of being bolted at either side it just kisses the sides of the enclosure okay that is a good explanation but i still think mine is the reason that popularly it's still called a kissing gate probably because otherwise it's just a bloody gate, isn't it? Exactly. There are many types of gates.

There's the ones with the bits of rope that you tie onto a tree. There's the ones with the normal latch. The five bar. There's ones that you get in prison. Six bar. I don't know the names for those gates. And yet... What next?

The name kissing gate, everyone knows because you kiss. Yeah, but when you climb over a stile, it's not called the humping post or something, even though you are straddling it. The other person isn't underneath it, kind of styles are you going over Ollie I'm having a moment of agreement with Ollie like when you go through a kissing game you naturally interact

with the other person and you can become a gatekeeper and you can demand become a gatekeeper you can say I'm not going to let you I'm not going to let you through unless you give me a little kiss. Yeah. Whereas with a style, that's difficult.

You can't, you know, they could just hop over the fence. You sound like a troll under a bridge, but the kisser by the gate. Well, we're kissing, yeah. Here is a question from Jesse in Zurich who says, I live in a five-floor apartment building in Zurich. Oh, well, good for you. Beautiful country, big building. Well done, Jesse.

I hope there are decent fire escapes. You have managed to sweeten the pill. Shame if something happened to it, Jessie. It's a building full of young families and baby boomers. Young families and baby boomers. That's every demographic in Switzerland then, isn't it? I mean, baby boomers are like 60 and 70 year olds now. It's not every demographic because you also have the singletons.

That's a big spread though. The bankers. You say full of young families and baby boomers are like 60 and 70-year-olds now. No, it's not every demographic because you also have the singletons. That's a big spread, though. The bankers. You say full of young families and baby boomers. All right. That's not really that specific. Don't shoot the messenger, Ollie. I'm just reading what she told me. I mean, you might as well just say it's got people in it.

Yeah, all right. I'm in a building full of people. Right. Everyone gets along and we have a party for all tenants twice a year. I also do not have a colon. Oh, now I feel bad for teasing you. You may remember me from the strange party themes question where I mentioned having an anniversary party for my colon freedom.

I do remember you, Jessie, yes, yes. And I do feel guilty now for teasing you. I'm glad that you live in a nice apartment in a nice country and I'm sure your neighbours like you. So, says Jessie, when I'm coming home from a commute or running errands, I'm often ready for a jaunt to the loo. Don't blame you. Unfortunately, I inevitably meet one of these friendly neighbours

who want to kiss me three times and chat. Ollie answered me this. How can I politely blow off my gracious neighbours and head to the can? That is very difficult. Maybe by saying, sorry, I've got no colon, I need to rush. Yeah, but you don't want to get into that. I'm going to shit on your shoes. When it's someone that you know personally,

you don't want to really introduce that into the conversation she wanted to celebrate it in a party so i think she's probably all right with having all these friendly neighbors well no i don't think she is helen because that is the obvious answer and yet she hasn't done it so she's the question really the spirit of the question is how do i tell my neighbors that i need to move on without telling them well i don't have a go i've got an easy solution go on just whenever you enter the building pretend that you're on the phone and just do a little wave to the neighbours and maybe an eye roll like, oh, this person's really banging on.

But keep talking to the phone, go, yep, yep, yep. No, sorry, I'm just finding my keys. Yep, yep, no. The important thing though is to remember that although you are miming, you should use the real prop of a phone. Also put your phone on silence.

If it rings during, embarrassing. Smokescreen ruined. Yeah, true. It's a bit unlikely though that you'll always be on the phone. Maybe massive headphones. your phone on silence if it rings during embarrassing smoke screen ruined yeah true it's a bit unlikely though that you'll always be on the phone maybe massive headphones that's a good barrier between you and the world maybe jesse could take up motorcycling and wear her helmet into the flat that's good although it's an expensive diversion you don't need to get a bike you just need to get the helmet also the helmet does double up as a port-a-loo if you do get caught short no i'd imagine the cleaning effort would be not worth the squatting also it wouldn't keep still if you upended it because it's round yeah i'm not saying

that you'd use it again afterwards i'm just saying for an emergency i think that's a very expensive potty well shut up and answer me this come then. Why don't you shut your ugly face? I'm not ugly, it's the condition. It's no condition, it's the tuggliness, mate. Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Now, I think, seriously though, go back to your own country. That's what we're all thinking, isn't it? It's what we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History?

On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Here's a question from Joe, who says 10 years ago i met the love of my life and so far have had a wonderful life together yay getting married only a few years ago that's quite a long time ago yeah indeed and there's got to be trouble in paradise otherwise

we wouldn't be reading it okay she is amazing in every way beautiful. But, hooray! But her grammar and pronunciation are atrocious. Well, so what he meant was she is amazing in almost every way. But not quite. I know this shouldn't bother me, he says, but it does. It should. See, now I come at this from a completely different point of view. My girlfriend's dyslexic.

The fact that I have more of a mastery of grammar and pronunciation gives me a power trip. I don't think, oh, I wish she knew how to use an apostrophe. I think, isn't it great that I know stuff she doesn't? Makes me feel good. There aren't many things

you know that she doesn't know. Exactly. Yeah, but I don't feel that working with you. I just feel sorrow and pity. Despite coming from a middle-class background, she drops her Ts.

Well, so do I because I grew up in Kent. Doesn't, so does George Osborne. Does he? Although apparently he's been taking reverse speech lessons In elocution to do that Bloody bet he has She doesn't pronounce her H's And she is sloppy in all manner of verbal utterances

Are you sure she hasn't got some kind of Mouth problem that means her tongue And her teeth can't form letters correctly Which might be beneficial in the bedroom Incredibly Despite coming from a well spoken-ish family Little dig there teeth can't form letters correctly which might be beneficial in the bedroom incredibly despite coming from a well-spoken ish family little dick there i'm not feeling uh living with me for five years doing a phd i've met a few stupid people that have done phds and having a group of relatively

middle-class friends it's getting worse i think a lot of people have been getting worse because of autocorrect it means you don't have to think about the processes of language yourself, even though autocorrect is usually wrong. I feel I should take this moment as well to point out that although Joe does use the correct apostrophe in it's getting worse, I-T apostrophe S as in it is. Correct. He does then use three exclamation marks to make his point, which is not correct grammar, is it? Well, he's very upset.

It shows extreme exasperation, but I would say it's a casual use of the form. Exclamation marks are the worst form of punctuation and I've never understood why we have one in our show title when it's my least favourite punctuation mark. Why is that? Is it to make it seem a bit more fun? That's why I do the branding, you do the punctuation. Yeah, well.

She has even started picking up local slang, such as ending every sentence with, is it? Could be, is it? Maybe there's a lot of surprises where they live. I guess it's better than in it. It's like a posh version of in it, isn't it, saying is it? Where is that regional slang present?

Joe doesn't mention where they live, does he? No, he doesn't. Sounds Welsh, actually. Yeah. My first approach, continues Joe, was to lead by example. I was like, Henry Higgins. Yeah, exactly.

But when this didn't work, I resorted to correcting her. This is my fair lady. With the obvious consequences. Marriage and happy ever after. We don't have children yet, but when we do, I am terrified of them taking after her.

Better have her sterilised then. Which would inevitably lead to her life selling newspapers outside tube stations. Well, firstly, people need newspapers. Secondly, is that the only option? And also, it's perfectly possible to get a job even if you speak in a way that Joe disapproves of.

Even if you speak in very casual English, you can get a high-flying job. I think that's probably right. I think, Joe, you're showing a bit of your own snobbery here. So, Helen, answer me this how can i improve my wife's pronunciation without causing more offense you absolutely can't and a lot of these need to call him that helen just because your pronunciation's a bit off and i feel very strongly about certain linguistic bugbears and i know that i have to keep it to

myself because it's only myself i'm hurting it's not as important as other things in life is if it's only yourself that's bothered as It's not as important as other things in life. If it's only yourself that's bothered as well, there's almost no point flagging it up. The thing is, I'm not talking to other people about it because it's my secret shame. But, and also I don't want to get into a really pedantic discussion with them because it's not that interesting.

Joe is effectively inviting you to have a pedantic discussion. Okay, well. Take the opportunity. Give us three examples of linguistic bugbears. Okay, well, I can't. Not my ones. I can't narrow it down to three. Someone else's.

Well, we've spoken on the podcast before about people using pronouns incorrectly when they say and I. Examples. So Ollie and I. Right, yes. If you're saying, I bought lunch for Ollie and I,

that is stupid and illogical. Because you wouldn't say, I bought lunch for I. Yes, exactly. You've learned something from me, Ollie. I'm so proud. Give me a second one. All right.

My mother, who is a truly wonderful woman. This is an example of a sentence. She says performance instead of performance. Well, that's just wrong. Well, I do correct her every time, like performance. And that hasn't caught on in 20 odd years. She's probably doing it to troll me. It's amazing when you like heck to someone that it doesn't sort of sink in.

Yeah, I know. Funny that, isn't it? But she also says at the end end of a sentence almost like punctuation if you see what i mean and usually she's saying something quite simple so of course i see what you mean mother it's not that hard to grasp you see you see my girlfriend says and that a lot you know i went down to the supermarket and they had a big display of melons and mango and that well i like it i find it charming it'd be great if she was saying and ting i say and ting all right one more one more

linguistic bug where that you have i just don't i just don't want to get into it one more uh well i think you use three point ellipses too often ollie why do you have to say about me i said not me well i was trying to think of ones that make it personal all the time this is the problem you can't do it without causing a face no exactly and that was a very gentle one yes i that was a very gentle one. Yes. I think one gets to a point in one's life when one grows out of irritation to other people's use of language. Or you just learn to deal with it. Because everything else is so rosy for you, Joe, there's got to be some grit in the oyster, hasn't there?

I think it's much more interesting for people to use language in a personalised way and maybe not necessarily be entirely correct than everyone homogenises and is grammatically correct. It's really boring. We are in rare agreement today, Martin. Don't look down upon people because they make simple mistakes like that. Here is the thing, though.

Here is the crux of the matter. Joe, I put it to you that it is not the content of what your wife is saying, it's the fact that you feel she is de classe. That's the thing. It's snobbery, isn't it? He feels on some level that even though he loves her and thinks she's fit and everything, she not good enough for him or she is letting herself down yeah if it's not actually ruining her life probably just leave it okay the thing is though

joe knows he's being a dick about this i guess so i guess there's a sort of level of self-awareness and humor because if there wasn't i would be strongly agitating that she get a divorce yes but what does he do he feels the irritation yeah he internalises it this could lead to self-harm Helen how can he express himself

I internalise it Joe there are a lot of linguistic things that make me sick in my mouth people writing hun on the internet I love that and not meaning the

the race of huns people saying slither instead of sliver these are just yet more examples Helen I'm saying what does he do but i i've learned to bury them joe i've learned to deal with them day by day and this is why helen's the most repressed woman you'll meet well and it's fine it's okay i can

relate to this on a level of social media etiquette um because that i used to i can say who it is actually i think it's okay uh so a few years ago the before i was a presenter there the presenter on the morning news at lbc was a lady called susan bookbinder yes lovely lady i used to go on her show every thursday morning at 6 50 and do a paper review and the night before she used to tweet about what was coming up in the next morning show oh did she say at ollie man's coming on the show and she forgot that if you do that then no one could see i could see it only people only me and people who follow both of us could see it. It's not a big enough overlap in the Venn diagram. And I said it to her once in person.

I said, you know, if you do that, it's only me and the people who follow both of us that can see that. What you should do, if you must start the sentence with at Olly Mann, is you should put full stop at Olly Mann is coming on my show. But it's better to say on my show tomorrow at Olly Mann.

Exactly. And she never learned. She never learned. She doesn't want to learn. She doesn't want to. She's getting it out of spite. Ah, no one's going to know Olly Mann's on the show. And ollie man exactly um and she never learned she never learned she doesn't want to learn she doesn't want to spite ah no one's gonna know ollie man's on the show and then i just thought you know what she's a charming lady in lots of other ways she's got a beautiful radio voice she's a distinguished professional and you know what she's probably in her 50s don't give a shit i also feel snobbery about people who send emails to a large amount of people without bccing no that's not true you don't feel snobbery you get really really angry i do i feel like they're subnormal someone did that to me a few months ago and

someone just replied all and went bcc what is it question mark so i think joe has just got to overcome the impulses in himself i think leave your wife alone save this kind of nagging for something that is really important because otherwise she's going to kick you in the nuts over things that are not important enough. But anyway, it's the Easter holidays here in Britain so here is the intermission

and this week it's a little bit of the Answer Me This holiday album which is available at answermethisstore.com Here's a question from Dan in Orkney

who says my wife and I are going to New York for a five night stay. We're really looking forward to it but as it's such a short stay we. We're really looking forward to it. But as it's such a short stay, we can't choose what to see and do. There's so many options and we want to

relax as well as take in the sights. Well, you're going to have jet lag. That's right. And I'm not sure New York is really a place to relax in either. I mean, obviously it's an urban environment. You never sleep, Dan. You can sleep in Orkney. Perhaps, says Dan, we are overthinking it, but we don't want to miss something awesome So Ollie answered me this What should we do and see in New York? I think the fact, Dan, that you're writing to us from Orkney Is really colouring my judgement on this

I'm imagining they don't have so many of the big buildings and busy streets in Orkney I haven't been, but I may be doing it a disservice But that is not the Orkney vibes The impression we get Maybe the Orkney Tourist Board is may be doing it a disservice, but that is not the Orkney vibes. The impression we get. Maybe the Orkney Tourist Board is doing Orkney a disservice. Well known for its statue of Orkney. Orkney Fashion Week. Sex and the Orkney.

I would watch Sex and the Orkney, actually. I would. I'd rather watch that. The adventures of four single 30 and 40-somethings in Orkney would be much more interesting. Where are all the single farmers? We're going to die alone here. Listeners, if you have a question that you would like to ask on our phone line,

then this is the number you need to dial. 0-2-0-8-1-2-3-5-8-double-7 Or you can Skype answer me this, if you like to call for free from abroad. Yeah, or you prefer to type a number in than key it into a keypad on a phone. I think that's fair enough. It's funny, some people,

it's just the way people are these days, isn't it? Some people prefer the touchscreen. Anything goes now. Yeah, that's right. Anyway, let's hear who's been in touch. Hi, my name's Sarah. Helen and Ollie, answer me this. What different kinds of catnip is there

and what is the different effects it has on kitties? Because I understand there are certain ones that will send the cats really, really wild and some that actually calm them. Would you be able to tell me them? Thank you. Bye. Questions about cats. That's catnip to Ollie.

Catnip, or as it's known by its official Latinx name, Neparticataria. Catus nipitus. What different types are there? There's only one type, actually. Oh, really? Yes, but I think people get confused because like all herbs, you can get it fresh

or you can get it dried. I was wondering whether there are different types, like there's, say, spearmint, peppermint, lemon mint. No. No, just one catnip. Red kryptonite, green kryptonite, black kryptonite. But obviously as well, it can be in bloom. So it's a plant, but it can flower.

So it looks different in lots of different ways, but it's the same plant every time. Same old catnip. Yeah. And in terms of the ratio of cats that enjoy to nip on the catnip, somewhere between half to two thirds of cats apparently are partial. And Coco is, I'm pleased to say, in the majority. She's one of the junkies.

She is. And it's great because it revives interest in things that they've grown tired of. You. So, yes, exactly. Smearing your body with it. No, but my ears. Where it is a cologne. It's the only way she'll sit on me.

I've only got so many claw marks. No, but it's actually quite nice I mean you just wish that you could do it with human beings sometimes you know because you know how sometimes you walk into your house

you're like oh I'm sick of looking at this furniture oh I don't want to eat this food again yeah but if you just sprayed something in the air

and you're like oh this furniture's amazing isn't that what people are like on coke yeah I suppose so you're so interesting you're having such a good time

I suppose so it is kind of like that i'm immortal so i mean she's basically uninterested in her scratching post for example 80 at the time when i rub dried catnip on it suddenly that is the totem pole at the center of the world would it be the same if you rubbed say tuna fish oil on it that would be disgusting because it's in the middle of my sitting room and i'd be able to smell that cats are disgusting and so is everything associated with them. No, they're not. Not like dogs that stink the house out.

Oh, let's not get into this. Dogs don't stink the house out. Catnip has a pleasant minty smell for humans as well, is the point. But anyway, yeah, so it's a great way of reviving interest in an item they otherwise wouldn't be keen on. But also, yes, there are different reactions. The traditional thing is rubbing on the plant, rolling on the ground around the plant. Have you got to a catnip plant or are you just using essence of catnip? Yeah, now you ask a question that is fascinating, Helen. You just don't realise it yourself.

I might not realise it after you tell me why as well. We have got her a catnip plant, of course, because she's the most spoiled cat in Hertfordshire. And is she always humping it? And she's not remotely interested in it. She likes the dried stuff. Yeah, which I think is because it's more intense um i think the raw stuff just you know it hasn't been processed and treated and it hasn't uh kind of stewed in its own nippiness yeah um so yeah when she when she's outside she'll give it a sniff but she's just as likely unfortunately to go rolling around in our parsley or tarragon as

she is i know but some cats go absolutely properly mental like start licking themselves incessantly as a result of catnip and you can see that there is a sort of um aphrodisiacal quality to it it's like some people you know they go really topsy-turvy if they have tequila and other people it's just like another booze yeah it doesn't it doesn't produce a particularly lurid behavior but in other people it does well ollie i don't want to make you od on your catnip but here is another question about cats oh my god from harvey from maidstone harvey says ollie answer me this what the hell is hello kitty oh good god we need a we need a whole podcast series to address that one i think it's very zen isn't it i realize it is a well-known brand yeah that is basically what it is.

Well done. And is widely known for selling such items as bags and stationery, etc. But how did it originate? Was it a Japanese children's show? Or was it created by Western culture as a big marketing ploy in order to sell units by a company which was suffering? How would you come up with that? Like, if that was the case, if you were a Western company,

you know what the children of America really want to see see a poorly drawn character without a mouth in a japanese style that looks really melancholy it has the moon for a face and it's waving for no reason at all i also get hello kitty mixed up with miffy which thinks the same but a rabbit yes i don't even know if they're associated they probably don't speak they're very much not associated the uh creator of miffy was very vocal about this when Kitty first arrived on the scene. Miffy precedes Kitty? It does, yeah. But in a different country.

I think Miffy was Dutch. Oh, okay, not even the same continent. Yeah, so I don't think the originator of Kitty knew about Miffy. Now Martin's looking at pictures of Miffy. I would like Miffy. Why? What's to like? It's just shapes.

Like there's something in the body language which expresses like awkwardness and disappointment disappointment lack of confidence we're going to return to this theme martin because uh listeners won't know this of course but martin surrounds his desk and his personal life with a lot of pink fluffy things that are designed for teenage girls primarily or pre-teen girls in asian countries particularly he loves art box if you need any reference look at art box stuff online so so hold hold hold that thought martin but i want to return to you to ask you to explain that fetish in in a few minutes um so but the history of the character in answer to harvey's

question uh is that um it wasn't created for a show it was created as a piece of merchandise wow um by a lady with a Japanese name that I'm not going to attempt to pronounce who was at the time and it's quite charming this I think quite simplistic origins was at the time making rubber sandals herself and selling them in a market

and she noticed that she'd sell more when there were characters on them and so she commissioned an illustrator to design some characters for her to put on some sandals it was as simple as that what sort of decade are we talking here? 1974.

Later than I would have thought. Yeah, me too. I would have thought a 60s thing or a 50s thing. Anyway, you know, start flying off the shelves with this Kitty character on. I think there were a few other characters. And indeed, the parent company of Hello Kitty still has other characters. But Kitty, I guess like Fido Dido or one of those things, just suddenly went mental. And that was the one everyone wanted.

People do love cats, as we see now with so many internet memes can't get enough of cats yeah even though you could just look at a circle with two triangles on it call it a day um so yeah that's how it came about there was no tv series until i mean of course eventually there was a tv series yes 1987 but then kitty doesn't have a mouth. So is there any dialogue in the TV series? No, and it makes her inclusion on branded foods a particularly sick joke, I feel. So she was genuinely Japanese. But intriguingly, if you look at the history of the character of Kitty, because they wrote a backstory for it, because the truth to children is a bit boring.

Well, someone just drawn a picture on some flip flops and we flogged it for a quid more. And that's how Hello Kitty stuff still works. It's more expensive than the other filofaxes. Yeah. The character's backstory, believe it or not, is that she's English. Is that why it's Hello Kitty rather than Konichiwa Kitty? Yes.

She was born in a London suburb, like me. Which one? I don't know, but if she was born at Hendon General, we've got something in common and uh to me i i suppose that's a bit like paddington being born in peru for an english audience you know it sounds exotic to a japanese teenager being born in london so that's that's why and apparently the name kitty itself is also british because uh it's from the cat in alice through the looking glass alice says hello. That was the inspiration for the term. That's odd, because you could take so many pairs of words

from Alice Through the Looking Glass, and it would turn out very differently. Very differently. When are we going to get a Walrus and Carpenter-based toy series? Not soon enough. But there are two elderly kitty characters as well. Twilight Kitty, Ancient Kitty. Apparently she's got a grandpa anthony

and a grandma margaret and that's never crossed the sea has it we've never seen that here on this actual does she not have parents she does yes but she i don't know if she was brought up by her grandparents i don't care but um have you ever got in for kitty merch no well perhaps you'd be swayed by the more adult hallow kitty products that you can buy now no i'm not going there of course there is but i doubt that's an official product as well but there are i don't know you buy the more adult Hello Kitty products that you can buy now. No, I'm not going there, Helen. There's not a dildo with it on the end, is there? Well, of course there is. But I doubt that's an official product as well. But there are official...

I don't know, you sell them for £2 more. It's just the next step from the rubber flip-flop. There are official Hello Kitty wines. That's a real thing for mad Japanese women. And is it very sweet, pink, sugary wine? I suppose so. And there's even Hello Kitty air jets. Ugh. Yeah. A couple of. And there's even Hello Kitty air jets. Oh.

Yeah. A couple of airplanes have been commissioned with Hello Kitty, but I suppose that's no different to Virgin putting slightly ironised kind of glamour models on them. Yeah. It's just a bit weird, though, isn't it? Right, Martin, the time's coming. Why do you like things that are aimed at Japanese preteens?

There's a certain... There's a certain... There's a certain purity of expression, isn't there, Martin? Innocent simplicity to, like, a bear or a rabbit character drawn in the way that those characters are drawn. It tickles a particularly childlike part of my brain. The reason I'm curious to dig around is because, like my dancing killer whale or Disney thing,

you know, it's a weird memento from your childhood, I imagine, that you've carried into adulthood. Well, no, not really. They're not things I remember from childhood. They're not do-fo-naive in the Midlands. Well, no, not in 1980, they didn't. Fair enough. You know, you can transcend your upbringing, Ollie,

and be an adult man that is into these things for children. Maybe. I'll tell you why I'm concerned. I was reading earlier about the Hello Kitty murder. Did you hear about that? No. Did they make a Hello Kitty into a throwing star

and sever someone's arteries? The murderer inserted his victim's head into a Hello Kitty doll after decapitating her. Oh! Now, that would certainly give an air of melancholy to the drawing, wouldn't it?

And then what? I don't know. I don't imagine there was a lot of spin-off merchandise. The Hello Kitty murder kit. In the 90s, I hired a 12-person web team to build and run my websites and realise my tech dream. Then the dot-com bubble burst

and I had to drown them in a stream. Why didn't I just sack them? But now, thanks to Squarespace you can do it alone and build a lovely website for tablet or smartphone enjoy it now cause in ten years you'll be replaced by a drone

just like Terminator 3 Thank you very much to Squarespace.com for supporting this episode of Answer Me This Patrons of the Arts, that's our Squarespace and indeed they can be patrons of your art if your art is making a website that's uh it looks pleasing to the eye it's it's both aesthetically pleasing and functional yeah but not not just supportive in the way that a patron might be in the uk where they just benefact money to the national theatre and then and then actually reserve all the best seats for the sponsors and then you can't get a seat.

Not like that. No. In a good way, because they provide 24-7 customer support. So if you have problems using their very easy tools to design a website, it doesn't matter. You can get them online 24-7. Well, that's a very strong case. Indeed.

And if you want 10% off your Squarespace account for a year, use the code ANSWER. Here is a question of computation from Joe in Seattle who says, Ollie, answer me this. Why is it that the key command for paste is command plus V or control plus V? What did I do in a previous life to merit these questions?

Boring things. I understand that P is already used for print, but what does V stand for? Paste. Paste. Victory. The feeling of victory you get when you paste a lump of text into a document and feel like you've written something i should know i've done verbatim theater um i suspect the origins in v being for paste are that c yes would always be if you think about it either cut or copy yes right and i think when they were deciding

should it be cut or should it be copy i think they thought well c could be for copy because look at the x look around the keyboard you'll see the x looks a bit like a pair of scissors cutting something right and that is historically then how it's been costing something out indeed yeah and of course that is then something that's used visually and referenced in the crop tools that you get in things like final cut and logic and stuff right okay so if x then is for cut if c is for copy it's like you're reading out an equation then it makes sense that you've got the paste button nearby to those buttons you've already used z for undo because that's the nearest to the control key so why not use the v for paste then you've got cut and paste either side of copy i think that's the reason i suppose you're right

as well it doesn't make sense to have the buttons too far away from the control keys exactly yeah you want them as close as possible and actually i'm trying to think which key on the keyboard i never use as a shortcut for anything jk and l i don't know do they i don't even know what would happen if i press control k apple apple j will open up your download window in Firefox. That's useful. In fact, I don't do many shortcuts with the right hand on the keyboard, not in life. Shift-Apple-L will flag up a message in mail. This is fascinating. I don't know why we don't do more of this.

Martin, go through the whole alphabet, please. Leave none out. Apple A is a good one. Select all. Oh, yes. Yeah, we all know about that one. I like the one in Microsoft Word. Oh, God.

Why didn't I just drown myself right now? I think it's something like control, alt and A where it turns everything, it selects everything and then turns it all into mix case, uppercase

or small case. Just at random? Is it like a lucky dip? Does it actually do what you want? No, you can toggle between the different things. That's amazing.

It's not you going, oh, this text's looking a bit boring. I want someone to fuck with it for me. I may not have said exactly the right selection of keys there. I don't care.

Don't write it in. Haven't looked it up. Work it out for yourselves. Apple Plus is very useful for scientists. Subscript. Well, here's another question of Fascinating Engineering.

Oh, God. It's from Nemi from New Zealand, who says, your podcast is my favourite one to put on in the morning when I'm having five more minutes in bed. Helen answered me this. Who invented the snooze button?

It is both a blessing and a curse. So who came up with it and how long has it existed? Weirdly, it is widely attributed to Lew Wallace, author of the book

Ben-Hur, later made into the film Ben-Hur. Get away. Well, I think one should get away because firstly, I can't find any proper foundation for this

because mainly he wrote books. And secondly, he died in 1905. And the first clock to be marketed with a snoo clock, whereas the earlier ones would have been analogue. So perhaps he'd adapted his analogue alarm clock to have the equivalent of a snooze button in analogue terms. Yeah. But it couldn't be mass marketed until digital clocks were invented. I can think of a way that it would work. So with an old-fashioned clock, you have a finger that you line up. And when the clock lines up with that, the alarm goes off.

Yes. So you just have a lever that pushes it for 10 minutes or something. speculating is that that's what mr ben-hur invented but it wasn't mass marketed but there's no evidence that i've been able to find that he did anything with clocks at all apart maybe admire them it's like tony ben and his chair that he invented isn't it that he used to bring to events i mean no one's going to in fact no one really recalled when he died the other week that he did that but he did he went on the telly and he talked about a special golf chair he'd invented that was easy on his back didn't he invent the chair that's in burn after reading i've recently spent about three weeks choosing an alarm clock

i finally went for the one that's available for 15 pounds from tesco by philips let's just say that ollie is not being sponsored by this this is a genuine recommendation yes i had very specific requirements it didn't need to take up too much of a footprint on my bedside table because I've only got a little one and a small bedside table. It also needed

a prominent snooze button because I think what's the point of a snooze button if it's not prominent? I'm short-sighted so without my glasses I'll need to be able to lean over and hit the snooze.

I wanted an FM radio built in but I didn't want a big wire trailing out the back of it and I didn't really want DAB because that's what the price up unnecessarily. You're an incredibly demanding customer. I wanted an FM radio built in, but I didn't want a big wire trailing out the back of it. And I didn't really want DAB because that's what the price up unnecessarily. You're an incredibly demanding customer. I wanted a digital display because I want to be able to turn over and squint and read the time without turning the light on. And the little luminous paint hands, not enough. No.

And I quite like the retro analogue look of old alarm clocks, but I hate the ticking. I can't have the ticking anywhere near my ear. Right. So I had very specific demands. Apparently so. You need to get a hobby. But I would say that perhaps the most important was that the snooze button was easily accessible.

Do you remember those alarm clocks that they used to market in, say, the early 90s that were the shape of a tennis ball or a baseball? So when they went off, you silenced them by grabbing them and throwing them across the room. That's quite cool. Sort of, but then you've got to find the thing for the following day.

Although, actually, if it's on snooze and it's at the other end of the room that actually forces you out of bed which is quite good what if it's rolled under the bed and you can't find it yeah that's nightmare um the early snooze function though was called the drowse function or the drowse button which sounds a bit like it's going to drug you into five minutes more slumber nap is actually what people say isn't it people are more likely to say snooze than drowse but if people say in the middle of the afternoon i'm going to go for a little snooze they're more likely to say nap i've never heard drowse used as a noun yeah exactly but why not nap why is it not a napping button kit button on the british alarm clock would be good 40 winks i mean what's that about or schluff is that yiddish yiddish one yeah schluff that's

disgusting that sounds more like exfoliation well all yiddish words, yeah. Shluff, that's disgusting. That sounds more like exfoliation. Well, all Yiddish words sound like exfoliation. Yeah, that's true. That's why so many Jewish foods don't sound appetising and also are not appetising. Helen and Ollie, answer me this I don't want you to dance or kiss But reveal your theories and take off your muzzle Ponder my query

And solve this puzzle It's swell, good golly You crazy kids Oh Helen and Ollie Answer me this Here is a question from Neil in in birmingham who says ollie answer me this how much money do those folks who paint themselves silver every morning and then stand still on a box for the entire day make i think he means human statues rather than people who just do that in their own

homes with no audience he says do they have another job to top it up or can you make a living wage being a statue i love that that. This is my dream job, but I'm just doing marketing to support myself as a human statue. I've read an article in which a comedian, as in a street performing comedian who isn't very funny, but is very loud and gets everyone to clap,

estimates that they make in a week and it's four to 600 pounds. In a week? So that puts them on something like 20 grand a year. So actually quite, quite reasonable. Now, what you have to ask is someone who's just standing still yep you know they're not passing the hat around they're not making jokes about it people don't feel as obliged in fact passing the hat around would ruin the act of standing completely still indeed uh but on the other hand they can be there for 10 hours instead of one 45 minute set terrible varicose veins

probably probably so i think it's probably a similar amount of money in a place like covent garden but they've got to spend a lot of money on face paint yes for instance and costuming and presumably security so someone doesn't run off with the hat full of money well actually i mean you talk about the competition and this is a very sad story but um uh the silver wizard who works by the london eye was uh in 2011 uh clubbed to the ground with a concrete block by the Invisible King, his bronze rival. No! Because he'd stolen his patch outside the London Eye.

They were both immigrants from Poland and they were both actually making decent money at it, which is why they come and do it. But yeah, one clobbered the other with a concrete block and went to prison for four and a half years. Well, concrete block is a serious weapon. You could kill somebody with that. Yes, you could, yes. Even if they are and do it. But yeah, one clobbered the other with a concrete block and went to prison for four and a half years. Well, concrete block is a serious weapon. You could kill somebody with that. Yes, you could, yes.

Even if they are made of metal. And even if they have stolen your pitch. And imagine what a show that would have been. Silver guy clobbering the bronze guy. All I'm saying is they could have teamed up, couldn't they? They'd probably make more money that way. Oh, if they had a jewel. If they'd had a squeaky inflatable hammer, fine.

Yeah. But the thing is, I've never seen one of these people on the move. I've never seen them on the tube on the way in because I'm assuming they're not going to cab it. I've never seen them assuming the position on their box. I've seen them resting. I've also not seen them having to deal with rain because if you're heavily painted and there's strong rainfall,

it's going to ruin your silver robot face paint. What's interesting is that 10 years ago, this was a novelty, the standing still thing. 10 years ago? Maybe 15, let's say. But certainly, anyway, it's something that I thought happened in our lifetime. I don't remember as a child seeing these at all.

Don't remember stuff from before your own lifetime, Ollie. No, but I remember being seven or eight, walking through London, never seeing the standing still thing, then being a teenager and suddenly they're everywhere. So it's happened in our lifetime. But it is a tradition going back to the 19th century standing still apparently european circuses it was more of a french and italian thing than a british thing but nonetheless european circuses all over the continent had people who would be the human

statues yeah well it's like the pageant of the masters in california where they recreate uh old master works of art all right people dressed up as things well it's a different vibe wasn't it i imagine that would happen in the bit outside the circus you know when you're walking into the tent there's kind of that kind of thing going on hairy women it's a more theatrical context not just people standing outside a body shop yes and also i've noticed a lot recently who are just wearing a costume that they've bought and i think what am i giving the money for just wearing a thing that's uncomfortable that's what i was going to go on to say the modern thing that has happened definitely in the last two years in London,

people who just go and buy a Spider-Man mask. Yeah, or an Iron Man suit. Ordinary clothes and they're wearing a Spider-Man mask and they want money for that. Yeah. I mean, I'm wearing a t-shirt. Give me money. Ridiculous. Another thing that I think is quite recent,

I don't remember it from before, say a year ago, are the levitating ones. I saw my first levitating one yesterday. I didn't know it was a long-term thing. We all remember our first. Who was it? It was Yoda and I was actually properly amazed

and I nearly did the tubberous thing of taking a picture and then I thought no check yourself Oli. Be cool. Be cool. How did they do that?

I know that's what I was thinking Martin. They're usually holding a stick. He was holding a stick. Yes and the stick is actually a very strong pole and leads to a platform

that is concealed by their clothes. That's really clever. What's incredible is the statues, when they remain completely stationary, I mean, it looks like there's no work going in, but actually, of course, you know,

in terms of your muscular ability and your power of control... I'm not saying it's easy, I'm just saying it's pointless. I've heard that professionals who do that recommend 90 minutes max per set, and any more than that is too strenuous on your muscles. Yeah. Just not moving. That's basically Tai Chi,

isn't it? Yeah. One of the principles of yoga and Tai Chi is staying very, very still and keeping control. Yeah. I wonder where they do

go to the loo as well. Do they sneak into the local Wetherspoons in all of their silver or green face paint and just line up with everyone else? I've never seen it.

Like cabbies. You know, where do cabbies go to the toilet? Where do they go to eat? In a bottle in the front seat. No, no, they know places. They've never seen it. Like cabbies. You know, where do cabbies go to the toilet? Where do they go to eat? In a bottle in the front seat. No, no, they know places. They've got the cabbie cafes.

There's probably a human statue cafe somewhere and that would be amazing to see. That actually would. Why hasn't someone done a sitcom about human statues off duty? Making themselves up. Thinking of more incredible illusions

because someone else has stolen their Yoda hovering on a stick. Who to write it? I'll do it. Okay, but it needs a name. Statues at Liberty. Oh. Good, good.

I've got a gift. Oh, actually, Statuesque. It implies it's going to be sexier than it is. I think it would actually be called Standing Still in reality. They would be lacking in emotional development. Yeah, to mean like treading water. Yeah, so their relationships would be in a hole

and all sorts. Okay, well I think this is very promising. Done. And I'll write it up. That brings us to the end of this episode of Answer Me This,

but if you want there to be a next episode of Answer Me This, then please supply questions via email, phone or Skype and all of our contact details are on our website

AnswerMeThisPodcast.com And also on there are links to Facebook and twitter where not just generic ones ones to our pages on facebook and twitter yeah you probably know how to go to facebook without a link otherwise i think even if you just type f into google yeah it does yeah that's what yeah that's what happens yeah um and uh so it just remains for us to say thank you for listening thank you very much to squarespace for bankrolling this episode

and we will see you next time that probably annoyed Joe, you saying see you next time when it's all through the ears. It's like you're trying to jab at him even at the dying moments of this episode. Like I'm trying to, Helen, not trying at. Bye!