Answer Me This! - AMT288: Communion Wafers, The $64,000 Question and the Mussels from Brussels

Episode Date: April 24, 2014

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Terms and conditions apply. Visit bmo.com slash theiporter to learn more. If St. George killed a dragon, why is his day so boring? Answer me this, answer me this. Is Britain's Got Talent still worth ignoring? Answer me this, answer me this. Helen and Ollie, Answer Me This. We start this episode of Answer Me This by tempting fate.

As we did in episode one. Wah wah. By inviting Martin to contribute in any way. Hey. Remember at the time we said, oh, well, if we don't mic him up, then he'll just mutter away in the background. No, we're tempting fate by reading the following email from Scott from Long Island, New York, United States of America. He says, A few years ago, I wrote into one of my favourite podcasts and had my email read out during the next episode.

I was ecstatic that they had picked my email to read, only to have my heart broken the next week when they announced their podcast was cancelled and that was their last episode. They simply couldn't top that climax of their podcasting careers you should be flattered fast forward six months says scott and i wrote into a different podcast and had my email read on their show as well a mischievous podcast correspondent you are well you know he had to find something to fill the heartache it was like a rebound podcast again i was honored to have been chosen and wouldn't you know it the next week they announced that their podcast who was no longer going to be making new episodes no really i can't

help but feel like the kiss of death for podcasts so i've written to you because i hate your show and i wish you'd stop doing it bolly answer me this will you tempt the gods of podcasting risking the life of your show and read my email on your next podcast yes and and i say yes because i've always been a person who's done that i once wrote on a slip that i put into the wailing wall the words case or are i'm like that man i'm rock and roll i used to get chain letters and then ignore them oh and you're still here i'm still here i'm still here. I'm still here. You could be outrunning death. And when it comes, it will come with the power of a hundred ignored chains. Maybe, yeah. So you look at Scott's email and see it as a challenge rather than as a prognosticator

that answering this 289 will be our last. Yeah, exactly. Come and get us. Scott says, I sometimes listen to answer me this for hours at a time while at work and end up speaking with a British accent for the rest of the day. Oh, I wonder which of our accents he apes though whether it's our home counties ollie or martin's with a bit of midlands twang telford is obviously the accent that any new yorker would want to it's very sophisticated i'm gonna go down to 42nd street to get myself a hoagie get out the sidewalk i'm trying to get myself a latte of time. Well, Scott also has a question.

He says, Ollie, answer me this. Why are conventional world maps always situated with the Northern Hemisphere on top and Southern Hemisphere on the bottom? Who said that this was the correct way to picture the Earth? In space, there is no up and down. So couldn't the maps be inverted and still be correct? He's right. You could... Flip the whole thing.

You could flip the whole thing, yeah. And it could just be a picture of the Earth upside down as we would see it here in Europe. But it's European Explorers, isn't it? Exactly. So the compass itself was a European discovery in the 1200s and that points magnetic north, plus Europeans were quite egocentric about this discovery and indeed

the empires that they founded around the world. So why not put Britain and Europe at the top? And also on a purely practical point when you're looking at say a globe there's a lot more land in the northern hemisphere than the southern hemisphere so it's a lot easier to see when it's at the top so i'm very sorry argentina but it's gonna have to go at the bottom of the globe the original lyrics to the song from evita sorry about that argentina the top of the globe is for Europe. That will hurt more than all the Falkland stuff.

Except, of course, the early maps. A lot of them place the east at the top. Yeah, but they were clueless then. They thought that if you went far enough, you'd fall off the edge of the earth. No, but these are people that knew about the world being round. Right. But they deduced that because the sun rises in the east,

that it was more likely that would be at the top yeah there's always method in the madness it's just our northo normative ways exactly it's interesting though that people have accepted the status quo really like with the christian calendar i guess people still have their own local version still a big deal obviously like chinese new year big deal yeah yeah but they're still indeed but they're still aware and really the international one is the one that is favored in the west and in europe isn't it i mean it's it's strange that it's not just cultural imperialism people seem to have just accepted it yeah the up is up the up is up yeah hi helen and ollie it's jackie from

swindon um i've just sat down to watch some tv but there's nothing really on the TV I fancied watching. So I've gone on to Sky On Demand and had a look under their box sets, and I thought, oh, I'll watch something a bit of comedy. So I'm just flicking through the box sets under comedy, and I've noticed they've got One Born Every Minute under the category of comedy. So Helen and Molly, I want you to answer me this.

Is One Born Every Minute really a comedy? Because I didn't think it was very funny when I had my baby. Well, I mean, you know, a lot of films are listed as black comedy, aren't they? I think often when you see something listed as a black comedy you think, oh, that probably won't be very funny then. They'll probably be full of pain and other people's misery

and yet you're supposed to find some existential enjoyment in watching it. I have to confess that since you mentioned one born every minute a few episodes ago i still have not watched it because it sounds like an absolute bloodbath along with all the other fluids that fall out the human body during uh these times yeah uh but it's a reality show i mean all reality shows are kind of fun i mean all documentaries well not all documentaries i guess there are ones about the Holocaust that aren't. But most documentaries have elements of humour in, don't they? Because life has elements of humour, even when bad things happen.

But then you wouldn't necessarily categorise them under the five seconds of humour that there is in ten minutes of Screaming Childbirth. So surely it should be under reality or documentary. Although the algorithms often go a bit askew. I get some extraordinary things through Netflix, which i know is notorious for thinking up categories but i've i get things like strong female lead based on a book or visually striking cerebral foreign dramas i i think podcasts actually as a genre are directly responsible for this continuous blurring

of boundaries of what can be considered comedy if you look i'm not not looking close to home here but if you look in the comedy charts welcome to night veils in there as a comedy really steve wright's big guests is in there as a comedy you think oh i could do with a laugh i'm gonna listen to alan de botton talking about his new book it's just weird isn't it comedy has broadened i think it's more that the subcategories haven't been developed yet because you've always said this show shouldn't be comedy it should be bants, it should be badinage, yeah it should be repartee. Yeah. But those have not been established but One Born Every Minute that is documentary or factual reality TV. Yes no I think they have made a mistake basically they have and I agree that sometimes the algorithms are mad. Spotify does that with me. You know you

listen to the Spice Girls you You should try Modest Mouse. If you like Tom Waits, why not try Vanessa Carlton? Well, if you liked that badinage, you will like this question from Damon from Minneapolis, who says... Let's not make promises we can't keep. I was recently on a first date with a guy making small talk, as one does. You see, we're all in long-term relationships, Damon, where you don't have to speak to each other for days on end.

Damon's date announced that when he was a child, the dentist pulled eight of his teeth in order to make room for the rest of his teeth. What? His smile looks fine now, and I asked him a bit awkwardly as I was reeling from this information, does everybody have the same number of teeth? He had no idea, but he has a nice smile now.

So I didn't mind that he didn't have the brains. In fact, upon further inspection with my eyes and tongue, his mouth seemed totally normal. So, Helen, answer me this. Does everyone have the same number of teeth? And if so, how many? No, they don't all have the same number of teeth. Really? Some people don't have wisdom teeth. Some they don't all have the same number of teeth. Really?

Some people don't have wisdom teeth. Some people don't have like molars and things. I thought we all had wisdom teeth, but they just didn't grow in everyone. Sometimes they're not there underneath to start with. I have a baby tooth still because there isn't an adult tooth there to force it out. Yeah.

Is it any good? No, it's rubbish. Is it? Because it's been in my mouth since I was a baby. Is it noticeably of less lesser quality than the rest of your teeth yeah it fell apart to overuse so what what happened with it dentists spackled it back together so you so it's half baby tooth half artificial teeth now that's fascinating there it is how do you reckon wow sometimes you wish we were doing a video

podcast this surely is one of those moments next week in my mouth bits of food so often genetics will play a part in one having fewer teeth sometimes people have got more you know sometimes people have teeth like growing over their frontal teeth like charlotte cole used to have yeah my best friend at school had that and he had to wear braces for about two years and it had to dribble everywhere and it was all very unsightly but it was quite cool having fangs i think as an, I'd quite like having fangs. Would you? You could probably get them screwed on, but then people would think that you were going for something vampiric. Yes, and I would not be down with that at all.

The rest of your face doesn't look very vampiric at all. I can't think of many nerdy Jewish-looking vampires in the popular sci-fi genre. What happened to all the nerdy Jew vampires? It is a sitcom waiting to happen though isn't it yeah so seth rogan has a vampire actually that is gonna happen that would work wouldn't it yeah once they get through all the stoner comedies that'll be the next thing yeah dad apatow's horror films anyway uh the the usual number of teeth is in an adult is 32 teeth but it

does make sense that if you had too many teeth the dentist would have to wrench out eight which is only two on either side top and bottom maybe there were baby teeth maybe the baby teeth hadn't fallen out but the other teeth were coming through and the dentist didn't want them sprouting all over the place so he took out the teeth and that would mean he had a normal number of teeth wouldn't it well i know sometimes it's easier to do a job lot they do that with with cats i know really yeah the vet said because coco's teeth are not great at the moment oh coco she's 11 years old so you said she was nine years old a couple of weeks ago. I know, it was a shock.

We looked at her birth certificate. She's 11, yeah. You didn't even know your own cat's age. You missed her 10th birthday. Job. Double figures. Yeah, I know. Big, big, big, big moment.

Are you sure Coco hasn't been shaving a couple of years off her age just to appear more youthful? Anyway, they tried to give us a toothbrush to brush the cat's teeth with. Good luck with that. Yeah, it's not easy it's a little finger puppet that you dip in salmon flavoured toothpaste a finger puppet to brush your teeth with yeah if someone did it with me brilliant

I'd love some salmon flavoured toothpaste on a finger puppet but as an owner very difficult to do with a cat so we said to the vet look you're gonna you know you're probably gonna have to do it if she needs her teeth taken out and he said well what we tend to do is wait till like all of them are going rotting and then we put them under anaesthetic and do the whole job lot because a cat just won't let you do it if she needs her teeth taken out and he said well what we tend to do is wait till like all of them are going rotting and then we put them under anesthetic and do the whole job lot because a cat just won't let you do it and so basically a cat can go from having a full mouth

of teeth to having suddenly no teeth. Can you imagine how traumatic that would be? I'm just going to kill all those mice. To be honest I'm less worried about teeth than the kind of chat that is coming up on Damon's first dates. I think that's quite sweet, though, in a way. It shows, doesn't it, that they're being open with each other. They're not feeling embarrassed about their own inadequacies. They're talking about their childhood. Talking about matters of health, though.

That's what old people do when they're on a blind date. Maybe Damon is old. He hasn't mentioned. He does mention that he's got 28 teeth, though. It's so long since any of us have been on a first date that this is all a foreign land. Maybe tooth talk is all the rage now. Maybe on Tinder, that's how things are decided. It's very big on Toothgrinder. Hey!

Busher. Molar. If you've got a question, email your question to answer me, this podcast at googlemail.com. Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com. Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com. Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com.

So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's round of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday,

wherever you get your podcasts. Here's an email from a long-time anonymous fan, which begins as if they're pitching us a sitcom about their crazy life. Awesome. She begins, Originally from London, I have recently moved to Australia. One's a city, one's a country.

You'd think they'd know the difference, wouldn't you? Yeah, but the population is roughly the same. Yeah, that's a good point, yeah. And I've found myself in a number of love-slash-sex-related pickles. Sex pickle. Like I say, sitcom. Luckily, however, over time, these pickles seem to have resolved themselves. But I've been left questioning the morals or attitudes of men in the Southern Hemisphere.

Two examples for you. And they're long examples, listeners, but bear with it. It is totally worth it. Example number one. On Christmas Day, my 40-year-old housemate invited me to swing with his partner. Oh, that's not traditional, is it? I certainly don't do it in my family between the crackers and the cheese, but you never know. It's sunny in Australia, so maybe they're not all thinking about how many layers of clothes they have to wear just to get by.

This was after a day of merriment barbecuing. Yeah, that's what they do in Australia, isn't it? And playing in the sun. Yeah, fuck you, sunny life. Thinking about how nice it was to have found a surrogate family. Yes, I pictured this couple a bit like mum and dad I really felt at home with them Despite being so far away from my motherland

Bottom line, I didn't want to have sex with either of them So I told them I was flattered but not interested He told me to think about it I haven't seen them since Are you still sharing a house with them? I was wondering about that Yeah yeah. Presumably she moved out, which would have been awkward on Boxing Day after that proposition. Maybe it has just

been pure coincidence. Yeah, I haven't been in very much. Have you had any time to consider my offer? I feel a bit awkward sometimes just asking my housemates if they need me to feed them or anything. I'd never even thought to ask them to join my sexual partnerships.

I've been staying here many nights over the past seven years. Not once has this conversation come up with you guys. What am I doing wrong? There's a multi-stage interview process. It's going to be an away day. It's like the knowledge. We make you sit through a number of practical exams. Well, example number two from this anonymous contributor's

exciting, racy, pickily life. One night at work, after meeting a friend's boyfriend who confided that he was massively depressed and wanted to commit suicide, I received a text message from a new, recently married friend asking me if I was looking for a friend with benefits. On reading the text a second time, I was sure he wasn't inviting me to partake in some post-marital team bedroom fun times, and that this friend action was of a singular fashion. In absolute shock and confusion, I decided not to text back. Very classy of you. Thankfully, the next morning, I received a voicemail apologising profusely. Would you have done that if this had been your text, or would you have just pretended it didn't happen? I think I would have waited till I saw them face to face, and somehow pretended that it was a joke

when i sent it yes you should have said whoops that text was meant for my new spouse of course actually that's not a bad idea is it that's a reasonable yeah but we're not advising this fool yeah uh he was drunk he said at the time he sent the text with my mind preoccupied about my depressed friend uh this suited me to a tea i haven't seen him or his wife since you're really getting through these australians aren't you yeah anyway she continues i recently went to a wedding and was kissed by the bride's best friend a woman it was lovely unpretentious and unexpected and she's not married to someone or yeah and she didn't ask to tag team you and she's not ruining christmas and you weren't living with her and there was no suicidal conversation involved no um since then i've

not been able to stop thinking about the possibility of switching to the other team i've done some subtle investigating by questioning my housemates and the bride about her and no one has mentioned anything about her being gay or bisexual maybe they don't think it's it's worth putting labels on things i reckon they don't know. Because if you've been investigating and you say, so what's her personal life like? And no one said that, then they don't know, do they? No.

Yeah, but if she just said, so tell me more about this woman. Is she a strong swimmer? Where did she go to school? I think that would be a crap investigation if she's interested. We don't know if Anonymous Woman is good at investigating. All we know is that she's good at being put in awkward situations through no fault

of her own not having sex with married men yeah maybe which is an unthinkable skill good for you i thought she was going to say i went to a wedding and the groom asked if i wanted to participate in some extra curricular play some people do just have one of those faces that attracts this kind of scenario that i've worked with people who are like this. Yeah, someone who just constantly, every day, came into work with a story like this. It must be really annoying when you're just trying to get on with something else. Anyway, back to the bride's best friend. She lives four hours south of where I currently live in Australia,

which in Australia is probably just the next house along, isn't it? And I'd love to take her out for a drink or dinner and get to know her more. But how? Helen, answer me this should i tell the bride that i kissed her best friend running the risk of outing her if she hasn't told the bride herself and ask the bride for her number you could ask for her number without really elaborating on what it was about i think that's exactly right yeah why do you need to even say yeah we got on really well yeah and um i'd like to catch up with her. What about Facebook?

Yes. Yeah, just looking up her name. Wouldn't that be easy? I assume that she's already tried this, but maybe she really is hopeless at this kind of business. Well, you assume correctly, Helen, because her second question is, should I try and befriend her on Facebook whilst avoiding at all costs to stalk her online?

So that's her concern. What does it matter if you're stalking her at your end? Because she probably won't know. Yeah, also, she's interested isn't she yes even if even if she's never done it with another woman before and even if it was a one-off i don't think she's going to consider that you're stalking her if you've already had a romantic dalliance of some kind no and i'm friends with people on facebook that i've worked with many years ago i don't consider that stalky it's just uh saying hi although do you occasionally have a friend refresh where you go through the list and think right time for a call yeah don't know that person really met them at a party once how often do you do that um well

whenever you post something and yet i remain um i do it about once every six months but i don't actually action it more than about once every three years so every six months i look through this and fantasize about who i'd like to not hear from again but i don't have the you could just put them on a civilians list rather than the a-list uh anyway yes i think we are saying yes you should try and befriend her on facebook but she's got other questions uh should i perhaps ask the groom for advice well you haven't told us anything about the groom so if you ask him for advice he might try and stick his dick in your face. Yeah, well, inevitably, yes. He's a man.

How could he help himself? That's not very nice. It's not her fault that all these men want to bang her. Married men specifically. Yeah. Recently married men specifically. It's them. It's their problem, not hers. Maybe she thinks, though, the groom will know the bride's friend well and she doesn't feel as much like it would be a confidence betrayal

if the bride's friend is not out as gay or bi. If she talked about the groom rather than the bride. But I think leave the groom out of this. He's not relevant. Get the woman's contact details. Leave everyone else out this process. And either invent a pretext for being four hours south. Or say, hey, do you fancy a weekend up where I live?

I thought you were going to say, do you fancy going down south? Which wouldn't be direct. Well, I'm not to say, do you fancy going down south? Oh. Which would be direct. Well, I'm not good at the innuendo like you are, Ollie. Or, Helen, answer me this. Should I stop being such an English prude and just take whatever I can get? What does she mean by that? Does she mean, should I be saying yes to all of these swinging offers with housemates? It does kind of mean that maybe actually, in retrospect, she kind of thinks,

well, maybe I'm missing out by not giving these exciting ideas ago i think they're sort of bellends aren't they i mean the the guy who was in the partnership presumably his wife he was asking about swinging because his wife knew about that so that's not duplicitous but it's putting you in a very awkward position if you're living together i think the issue with the people that have offered it to her is the fact that she doesn't seem to fancy them. She was seeing the housemate as a father figure. Yeah. And I think, sure, give things a go if you feel that they're morally okay

and you're actually attracted to them. But otherwise, I don't think it's prudish not to do things that your body doesn't want to do. I think it's interesting, actually. I've never really... Like, people have said to me before, I mean, hypothetically, they haven't invited me into a threesome. They've said to me before... Well, the offers are going to come rolling in after this would you be interested in having a threesome and i thought maybe but i've always

thought about it from the point of view where i'd be inviting someone i've never thought what would i do if a couple came to me and said would you like to be in a threesome with us because you've then lost the power there haven't you it's not your decision you're being approached if someone approaches you as a couple and says would you like to swing with us as a couple it's a bit weird i'm not into swinging but i'd think okay fair enough that's how swinging works isn't it but a swinging couple saying join us for a threesome yeah it's two against one you're in their house it's a bit you feel a bit yeah justin von robert yeah i have been invited have you many years ago and with a couple yes and i felt a bit like i'd be the person holding the towels or something just like a prop and a lady and a man

couple yeah it was a lady and a man and was it the lady who invited you or the man it was kind of both but i think the man was driving it yes and that's the other suspicion that i think people have with these things isn't it that it is the man. Well, I think even had the woman been driving it, I would have been happy saying no, because I don't feel cringeworthy about having turned them down. But I think I would have had I participated. I was very young at the time and it was not suitable. Were they sort of father figure types as well? Well, he was nothing like my dad.

Because if he had been, you'd been straight in there. He was 35 at the time because because i was a teenager yeah that is like a father figure thing yeah but now it's not that's the age of my husband yeah yeah but at the time anyway this uh crazy australian love pickler continues with a postscript um yesterday was the bride's birthday and i was invited to sit next to the only other single person at the dinner celebrations, a gentleman. Do you think they were trying to set you up? Possibly.

He told me that when we have sex he would like it to be on a canvas covered with bright colours. See, that's much better small talk than how many teeth do you have. I told him this was a bit full on, seeing this was only our second meeting. Yeah, I think it's a bit presumptuous, isn't it? Not if, but when. Save was only our second meeting. Yeah, I think it's a bit presumptuous, isn't it? Save it for the third meeting.

Yeah, exactly. At least they do you like art before you get onto that. So, Helen, answer me this as well. What in hindsight should I have done? Should I have told him to fuck off loudly, make a scene, and tell him not to be such a presumptuous prick at the risk of upsetting or offending my new group of friends? The thing is, in retrospect retrospect it's easier to pour over

these scenarios and think what would i do oh strokey beard what would i do in this but actually someone just springs on you do you want to have a threesome with us now or do you want to fuck you on some canvas i mean that's it is i appreciate that you're being put on the spot and actually retrospective advice isn't going to help you in the future i think maybe you need to fire at that person some really boring practical questions like who gets to keep the canvas afterwards. I think maybe you need to involve the rest of the people at the table so it rather

desexualises it or turns it into a massive orgy which seems to be the kind of thing that happens when you're around an anonymous lady. Well this is it. Her final question of these seemingly 900 that she's asked us is that why does this kind of nonsense seem to happen to me? And I wonder

whether there is something a bit sexual in the way you interact with people and perhaps it's unintentional. But we're hearing case study after case study here. I'm not blaming you for people approaching you. We're not victim blaming. Exactly. But I am saying

you must have been quite flirtatious for this to keep happening to you. She might just be very good looking. I think good looking people often don't get approached because people assume they won't be interested. Yeah. Or if they would be interested, they're the kind of people you take out for a nice meal. They're not the kind of people you screw on some paint or invite into a threesome. Not people like us who just have to take what we can get. There are people who are not classically beautiful, but they are very...

Alluring. Hot. Stop being so alluring woman yeah there's she's probably just a bit dirty isn't she is what i'm trying to say i don't think she is i think she just might yeah well i think she is i'm getting it just from her email will you sleep with me my girlfriend doesn't mind i swear um but she seems so innocent in her email do you think she's, maybe I should stop being such an English prude because she thinks maybe this is part of the national character to be a lot more forthright? Yeah, I think she does think that.

Right, OK. I mean, you would, wouldn't you, if this was your experience travelling to Australia and suddenly everyone is trying to involve you in sexual liaison? Yeah, I remember when I went to Australia, people were very chatty, got into some great chats on, say, buses. Nobody propositioned me.

The other option is just, it could be part of their directness, but not that she could sort of adjust her response to it to go, I shouldn't be offended by this, but it's okay for me to say no. Actually, yes, because when she says in this email, should I have just told him to fuck off? I was thinking, no, as a British person,

you can't say fuck off. But actually, yeah, an Aussie going, fuck off. I'm not having sex with you tonight, mate. I'm really not. Yeah, actually, that's fine, isn't it? It's funny, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. So respond to what may be the national character

with elements of the national character. I think that's right, yes. I think that's the solution, actually. Possibly you are being daunted by Australian frankness. It's not about British prudeness, necessarily. But obviously, if you do find yourself tempted, then might as well go for it. You're in Australia now.

What's the worst that can happen? It's obviously a very hedonistic place. Should we take an intermission, Helen? I think we should, Ollie. This week it is brought to you by episode 47 of Answer Me This, which you can buy at answermethisstore.com.

Accept no substitutes. Apart from iTunes, which is fine. We just get less money. Yeah. We've also had a slightly dirty fan thing for Helen as well from a man called Kevin Halliday, who's 42 and three quarters, and he lives in Bisley in Surrey.

So if you want to track him down, it should be pretty easy with all that information we've given you. And his social security number is... He says that he loves it when Helen says the C word on the show That's the thing that gets him going Which word's the C word? Cauliflower, cabbage Cauliflower, he loves it

Apparently that gets him going Oh god, that makes me feel sullied I just feel that's a weird thing to write in and tell someone I love it when you say that word, say that word, say that word Are there female listeners who like it when I say the man bit? Wang Stop it Ollie, it's too much Wang I could have just got someone off then We didn't set ourselves up to be sex symbols Are there female listeners who like it when I say the man bit? Wang. Stop it, Ollie. It's too much.

Wang. I could have just got someone off then. We didn't set ourselves up to be sex symbols, but what a happy by-product of this podcast. He's going to... Neil from Crawley in West Sussex has written in to say, here's a $64,000 question. At today's exchange rates, that's what, like a... It's about £40,000.

Something like that. Question. It's not bad, is it? I'd take a question for that money. Anyone is welcome to give us that money. Yeah, there's a donate button on our website. Anyway, he says, Oli, answer me this. Yes.

Where does the phrase $64,000 question come from? It seems a strange number to choose. Yeah, okay. Well, first things first, I mean, I know that most people, sort of certainly kind of 40 plus will find this very obvious, but for the younger people listening,

the phrase $64,000 question comes from a TV quiz show called the $64,000 question. But what a lot of people might ask is, why was it called the $64,000 question in the first place? Because it's like a sort of who wants to be a man in earth.

Yeah, but why 64,000, Martin? Why not a nice round number like 50,000 $64,000 question in the first place. Is it like a sort of who wants to be a man on earth? Yeah, but why $64,000, Martin? Why not a nice round number like $50,000? Well, there is... Because we're operating on base eight. It's a multiple of two, isn't it? Correct. That is the right answer. Two to the power of n. So the $64,000 question was based on a radio format,

which was called the $64 question. $64? Yes. Okay, that's a much lowlier price. Although confusingly, the original title was Take It or Leave It, which essentially is like Deal or No Deal, isn't it? Which shows you some things never change. But anyway, the original was called the 64 dollar question after some time on the radio,

and that's because on the radio, it was money, price fund, that was doubled from one dollar upwards for every question you got right. Up to a whole 64 dollars, which I appreciate may at the time have actually bought you something. Well, in fairness, I think it actually went as high as $512. But I think the $64 was the crucial question because that was the point at which you risked losing everything you'd amassed so far.

So that was the radio format, hugely popular radio format in the 1950s when it went to telly, as always. It tells you everything you need to know about TV. Everything's on telly yeah they're like right well we need to make this literally a thousand times bigger um so they turned it into the sixty four thousand dollar question so the questions were worth a thousand dollars two thousand dollars four thousand dollars eight thousand dollars sixteen thousand dollars thirty two thousand dollars and then the top price sixty four thousand dollars wow um so yeah big deal uh in the 1950s big deal would be another

good name for a quiz show. Yeah, it would actually. So that, in modern money, they reckon was worth about $560,000. That's how much they were giving away in the 1950s on TV in the States. So that's like who wants to be a millionaire on this thing. Exactly. And that's why who wants to be a millionaire

was a big deal in this country, was because we'd never had a show like that. Yeah, we'd had shows where you could win a dictionary or a cup. In fact, I think one of the highest prize funds ever by the mid-1990s was on a British version of the $64,000 question hosted by Bob Monkhouse in which they gave away £6,400. Primetime ITV, that used to be a top prize.

That's just not as catchy a title though, is it? The £6,400 question. Well, that's to be a top prize. That's just not as catchy a title though, is it? The £6,400 question. Well, that's why they kept the American title, I assume. But actually, even in the 1950s, ATV did bring over the format and do a British version. They called it the $64,000 question then as well. But the top prize then was even worse, Helen. It was £64,000.

Why not just £ 64,000 sixpences. Why not just 64,000 pence? So you could win 1,600 pounds. And then later, in a very exciting move when the show proved very popular indeed, they doubled it to 64,000 shillings. It just seems so insulting. I mean, I kind of picture at the end that the winner

is just buried under their winnings. Imagine if you went on who wants to be a millionaire and won and chris tarrant was like mind if i give it to you in coppers if it was 64 000 lira question then that would only be about a 30 quid prize if you're playing that in the 90s 64 000 yen i wonder what currency now if you were to take 64 000 of it would be the best currency to have pound isound is probably up there, actually, isn't it? Yeah. Bitcoin. Yes. Dogecoin. That would be good.

The 64,000 Bitcoin question is a great show, actually, because you're gambling to decide whether to take the risk on answering the question, and as you're making the decision, its value could halve. Or double. Indeed, yeah. That's Bitcoin.

But I think that's why there was still a sentimental attachment to the figure of 64,000, so that when Who Wants to Be a Million attachment to the figure of 64,000. So that when who wants to be a millionaire in the late nineties, actually finally made it onto British screens. And we had a format in which you were allowed because there were regulations against it. You were allowed to give away a figure as high as a million pounds on British TV.

I think they had one of their questions being at 64,000 pounds. As a little nod to the origins of the show. It's funny though, isn't it? 64,000 pound question is just not a phrase that anyone uses. No, it doesn't. Well done, dollars, for being a phrase maker. Hello, it's Rebecca from Chesterfield.

Answer me this, Helena Arley. I've always been told that if you forget your wallet and can't pay for your meal in a restaurant, then you have to do the washing up. Has this ever been true? And where did this rumour originate? Those are both very difficult questions to answer. meal in a restaurant then you have to do the washing up has this ever been true and where did this rumor originate those are both very difficult questions to answer it probably has been true at some point but i don't think that that point would have been enshrined in the history

books i have a feeling it's pop culture martin don't worry your life is too short um i have a feeling that this rumor probably originates from actually the reverse situation oh so not from people who don't pay for their meals doing the washing up but the trend actually for people who are paid badly to do the washing up get free meals then making up for their poor wages by coming back to the restaurant and eating with their families, perhaps even because they're paid so badly. You know, people who work in restaurants and get below minimum wage jobs tend to get free food, right? And you can see how over time people are like,

oh, you come here a lot. Well, you know, do the washing up because you can't afford the bill, ho ho. I wonder if that's really where it came from. I assumed it was sort of a middle class joke that had to do with the discomfort of not being able to pay the bill. Oh, imagine, we have to sit in the scullery. But if you ran that restaurant, you would not want these fucks who are trying to swindle you out of a meal in your kitchen, which is busy, which is frantic, doing a job that you need to be done hygienically and not badly.

And quickly. And you would have also employed somebody to do it already. Well, this is the thing. Health and safety has probably scuppered this ploy anyway but even in the days of pre-health and safety legislature i can imagine that people who are too incompetent to turn up to a restaurant and order food they can afford or too sly are not the people you want handling your china when we moved uh from peckham to crystal palace we noticed the shift in degrees of sprains from paying female before to paying after they're're very trusting in Crystal Palace.

Yeah, they don't do that in Peckham. You have to pay up front. And I don't know where the line is. I'm looking at whether, like, is it Sydenham? Is it Forest Hill? When suddenly, like... I reckon it's West Dulwich. Yeah.

I reckon those gimlet-eyed bastards want people to pay up front. The Silicon Roundabout's my favourite place To become a webpreneur would be really ace Like that awesome guy Tom who was my first friend on Myspace we haven't kept in touch get your foot on the ladder

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Here's a question from Michelle in Queen Charlotte, Canada, which I hope is a place and not a person. Sounds like a pudding. And she says, Helen, answer me this. What are the ingredients in a communion wafer? And where are they made? Because I love that taste of Jesus. Are they supplied free or does the parish have to pay for them?

Jesus is paying, really. And if so, what does it cost? That is a great question, which I've never considered. Okay, well, they used to be made by nuns as a source of income. Oh, yes. That's a really clever solution to an ecclesiastical problem. What do nuns do to make money but also slavishly follow the Lord? Yes. Make communion wafers?

Well not anymore though because now they're just made by manufacturers and they cost around £4 for £250 but more if they've got a fancy crucifix branded onto them rather than just a plain cross. What's wafer made from? The wafer is essentially made out of wheat flour and water. There are gluten free

versions but they're not all approved by the Vatican. The body of Christ is what it's made out of. Gluten-free Christ. No, no, no. It transubstantiates into the body of Christ when you eat it. Yeah. So do all the wafers that I buy. Those pink wafers? Trip to the ice cream shops and like them. Tonics caramel wafer. That is transubstantiation

of Moses. I think I have had one once and it was just like eating a piece of cardboard. I've never had one and that's because I'm not Catholic. Well, I think I was given it eating a piece of cardboard i've never had one um and that's because i'm not catholic well i think i was i was given it by a priest off duty he was just like want to see what this tastes like i'm just standing on the street corner i've got something you've got to try here um no i was at a funeral i was at a catholic funeral yeah um and there was a queue after the funeral to go and get the communion wafer that you should they should be queuing for the sausage rolls and other funeral snacks um yeah exactly that came later i had the

opportunity to stand up and join the queue but i just thought i think that's where i draw the line it doesn't mean anything to me so actually am i demeaning this symbol by pretending that it does yeah you know but but but there were people there who definitely were disbelievers and they still queued and got their communion wafer maybe they were curious i wouldn't do that i also don't say amen during prayers but i look like i'm involved so that people aren't insulted by my presence like looking around go god i don't believe any of this yeah but see the thing is when it's a hymn when everyone's singing yeah it's a pretty song i don't really mind and even though i'm saying stuff i don't believe i think that's okay because it's a communal effort and yeah you don't distinguish

it's like people singing along to blurred lines without worrying about the implications for real life but i think i'm uh thinking when you're actually blessed personally by the priest though that's you saying i want a connection with jesus through you it's like and then you're volunteering for it i want to be a cannibal on christ yeah exactly i don't not yet not yet this is andy um muscles i've had a few muscles but why are they muscles they don't look like muscles and like real things at all so what actually aren't they they're just like little bits of flesh i don't understand a little bit of flesh is a muscle you know the meat that we eat is muscle so i can't handle what you're saying muscle muscle muscle muscle muscle a muscle is an animal that lives in a shell it's it's barely an animal like obviously i feel that if

i was a vegetarian i'd be okay eating things like mussels and oysters because they as much close to a plant as i think a living creature can be yeah they don't seem to have emotion but of course you can't be sure i think the thing is is, though, anything can suffer anxiety. I mean, aren't there scientific studies that say that even plants obviously, you know, develop well in certain situations, which might mean they sort of feel anxious in other situations. Well, then what can you eat? Well, yeah.

Marshmallows. Yeah, yeah. It seems that the word muscle, anyway, does come from the same root as the word muscle, as in beefcake-type muscles, but it was like a derivative of little mouse, so i don't know whether they looked at the little tiny nubbins that muscles are and thought that's the same shape as a little dead mouse anyway the first use of the word muscle to distinguish it from the word muscle was first recorded in 16

who said that mr muscle imagine if jean-claude van damme was called the mouse flesh from brussels a different connotation to what they do eat They do eat a lot of mussels in Belgium So being the mussel from Brussels Not insulting He is his national dish How come Jean-Claude Van Damme Doesn't do a calendar in which he Is posing in a variety of mussel shells

It's unthinkable why he wouldn't do that Look he did that weird Split viral video thing. Yeah. Why wouldn't he do the muscle calendar? I think we're at a stage now where Jean-Claude Van Damme will do anything for money. I mean, if we start a Kickstarter for that, we could probably get it going, but I think you'd need a million dollars.

Oh. Yeah. What about 20 quid? Not sure. Not sure. 40? Dane Bowers for 40, but it's not the same then, is it? I don't want to see Dane Bowers in a muscle shell.

It's not the same. I kind of do. I wish that David O. Russell's next film was American Muscle Shell. It's not the same. I kind of do. I wish that David O. Russell's next film was American Muscle. And if he changed his surname to Muscle as well, that'd be amazing. David O. Muscle's American Muscle. They're coming here from Darcy Russell. Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, the muscles from Muscle. I feel like I'm delirious now.

So let's have this question from Erica, who says, I've recently bought a house with a large front yard, and several times a week I see neighbourhood kids playing on it. While I don't want to be the grumpy old woman chasing them down the street with a shovel, I bet she does a bit, my husband and I are sick of these uninvited guests. They damage the trees,

they set up and leave ballgame equipment and are generally nuisances. Plus, being new to the area, we don't know any of the kids who have never introduced themselves. I'm not sure the onus is on the child to introduce themselves even though they are technically trespassing on your property i think you have to approach a child and say hello i'm friendly erica who's moved in otherwise they'll think you're a weird witch but their parents might think she's a pedo if she does that erica adds living in sue happy america i worry about the liability presumably if she runs out

chasing them with spade and scaring them so ollie answer me this how do we stop the neighbor kids from coming on our lawn without making all the neighbors hate us oh you could call the police against trespassers and get the police to do your dirty work for you i think what you do is you approach the children one day and introduce yourself as i suggested so that it's not weird and they know your name then another time and this is a long-term strategy but this is your house so i think it's reasonable to invest a strategy across the season to achieve the goals that you require a few months down the line you approach again and you say it's for their safety that they don't come on your lawn it doesn't matter what the reason is we've just had our plants sprayed with this thing and i don't think it's very safe for you to play

on this lawn anymore i'm so sorry but how about next time you want to play on the lawn you knock on the door and ask me kids won't do that because they'll be scared of you that's a very long-winded way of doing something which could be accomplished in an instant by her putting up some barbed wire and a sign that says landmines without making all the neighbors hate us was the stipulation Helen I think the adults might realize that that's a ploy all right well if you want to go softly softly take out a plate of cookies that are just not very nice do you mean full of poison helen because again just you know the kids are like oh cookies and then the next time when they're playing you bring out cookies again they're like oh no thanks gotta go home now oh so every time you kill them with kindness

slowly yes you're relying on them to make their own decision in fact what you should do is uh take out something like something that looks tempting like cheese straws but are anchovy flavored because that's a sophisticated grown-up food most children won't care for i've got the answer i've got the answer it's so obvious i've got another answer okay do what they do at brixton station pipe classical music out onto your front lawn no child's gonna want to go near that you just said than done because that would also annoy adults who didn't want to hear it not if it's so quiet that you can't hear it when you're walking past the house but you can only hear it when you're standing in the lawn they'll just grow used to it i think what you need to do is cover the lawn with turds children don't care about that though i don't care about that i haven't grown up with dogs

children don't like playing near stinky turds okay that's a fact i think my classical music suggestion is better well i think my turd suggestion was better i mean i mean it's a bit bit easier when you know the the neighbors a bit more and you can actually just talk to their parents that's the actual same answer isn't it why are they on her lawn is it because there's no other place for them to play because if so then you are kind of withdrawing a service but if they're just there because your house was empty before you moved in and they could get away with it then then probably you just you just chat to their parents go oh hi oh i've seen your little tommy playing on the lawn yeah he's playing on my lawn children are surprisingly adaptable as we saw with evacuees during the blitz as we saw with

how quickly they dropped Bebo. Exactly. They won't care. You know, they'll find somewhere else to play. And I had this when I lived. My first rented property in London was a council flat with a front garden. The front garden had a hose pipe in it. It was the only hose pipe on the whole block.

So in the summer, when the kids were throwing water bombs at each other they all used to come wet dripping wet and fill up their water bombs in my tap and so although that sounds harmless and kind of funny when you've got literally a queue of seven children by your front door trying to fill up water bombs to then hit each other with in your front garden it's a bit intimidating and um it was really i want to say that it was really easy for me to say look kids do you mind go somewhere else but actually what made it worse was that the parents had trained them to be really nice they were really sweet so they'd knock on the door excuse me mister do you mind if i use your tap to fill my water pump and then you feel like a dick

if you're like yes i mind that's my water the tem In the end, what we did, and this is a bit bad, when we had a plumber over, we asked him to block the tap so it didn't work anymore. I think that's quite a good passive way of stopping the problem. Because the kids wouldn't know. You're like, oh, does the tap not work anymore? That's a shame. Oh, well.

Was the tap not used by someone who really needed it? No, well, it was my front garden. So, I mean, it was the landlord's technically, but he didn't care. It would have been used by me to water my garden with but not necessarily we live in england rains all the time well listeners if you've got any brilliant suggestions for erica to get the kids off her land then please do get in touch or if you have a question all of our contact details are on our website answer me this podcast.com where you will also find links to buy our first 170 episodes from answer me this store your one-stop shop for all our old shit.

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