Answer Me This! - AMT290: Headphones, Groupon Dates, and Victoria Beckham

Episode Date: May 22, 2014

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Does UKIP have an open-door policy for its members? Has to be this! Has to be this! When will gentrification make its mark on EastEnders? Has to be this! Has to be this! Helen and Ollie, has to be this! I'm just going to hazard a guess, listeners, that many of you are listening to this through headphones. Am I right? Am I right? Am I right? Here's a question about headphones from Sam in Egham who says i am a 35 year old male who wears big headphones twat except

i'm not a twat oh i'm actually an audio geek i had a reel-to-reel tape recorder in my bedroom when i was a teenager at 16 i did my work experience at celestion loudspeakers and got to sit in an anechoic chamber, something Martin should definitely do. That's quite cool. I suppose that qualifies you as an audio geek. Sam says, Ollie, answer me this. When I wear big headphones out and about, how can I stop people from judging me

and lumping me in with all the other big headphone-wearing hipsters? Dr. Dre has a lot to answer for. Well, maybe, Sam and Egan, but maybe you are just as guilty as everyone else. If you're saying that everyone else wearing big headphones is a hipster Maybe everyone else is an audio geek as well Maybe everyone else did work experience at Celestia on loudspeakers Exactly

Judging so much But I understand because I often see somebody wearing ostentatious headphones And I think well they just want me to know that sound quality is so important to them They require massive headphones Well this is it There's been a synthesis of fashion and earphones generally, hasn't there, which Dre, I think, tapped into. That is an emblem of conspicuous consumption

if you're wearing a brand which recognisably costs you £300. Yeah, that's why I really don't have much struck with Beats headphones. Would you care to hazard a guess, and this is a figure from 2011, it may be slightly out of date now by like a dollar, but would you care to hazard a guess? And this is a figure from 2011. It may be slightly out of date now by like a dollar. But would you care to hazard a guess how much a pair of those headphones cost to manufacture? About $2. Any rise on two?

$15. It's actually $8. But $8, they sell them for $399. I mean, I know that that's $8 after you've done the research and development costs and you've built the factory and everything else. But even so, even so, not £399. God, you can get earbuds that are about £1,800.

It's just mad, isn't it? You'll destroy them. One day in your bag and one of the earbuds will have fallen clean off. But the point is, even the earphones that are designed for supposedly audiophiles, audio geeks. I mean, I have a pair of those. I've got a pair of, do you say Bose or Bose? It's Bose. I've got a pair of Bose. I think you've found? It's Bose. I've got a pair of Bose.

I only used the best I went then to my favourite shop, Bose. I've got a pair of Bose. I assumed it was like nose but with a B. A bit like when you've got a cold. Yeah. My Bose is blocked. Now they don't sound so cool, do they? Well, anyway, I got a pair of those genuinely for the sound

quality, but what's interesting is they're unattractive to look at because they're grey. They're like the colour of a Packard Bell desktop computer from 1995. Well, that's because you care more about audio than you do about looks. Exactly. And that is the fashion message. They've obviously spent a lot of money deciding people who buy Bose headphones want to send out, isn't it? I care about audio more than I do about looks.

That in itself is a fashion choice. Yeah, except most Bose products do look designery. I think basically he should wear them irrespective. I'm saying this as a man who walks around with an oversized watch, a bright yellow parka that really only Tyson Beckford would get away with wearing.

You dress like big ears, don't you? And neon shoelaces. But you know, I like all of those things and I wear them because I like them. If you like the headphones, wear them. Get over it, life's too short. I think a way to get around this in winter would be to disguise your headphones

as fluffy earmuffs, which don't look cool despite hipster attempts. And actually, headphones are a useful, cooler version of earmuffs, I find. Not good in summer, though. Hello, Helen and Ollie. This is Chopper from commentary again. Can you please answer me this? When a song says featuring and then puts another artist onto it,

how much input do they have to do? As in, the Rihanna song, Rehab, says, featuring Justin Timberlake, and he barely mutters three words. Thank you. I imagine that most of the new Michael Jackson album is a bit like this. Featuring Michael Jackson?

Yeah, exactly. I mean, he's essentially the headline artist. I imagine most of it will be him saying the odd word that's been remixed and remastered. I haven't listened to Xscape yet. So is it songs he's recorded or written? They're songs that were recorded as excess songs because he did always over-record his albums.

So, I mean, actually there are off-cuts off Bad, which are quite good. Yeah. But they've already been re-released on the Bad 25th anniversary Redux thing. So these are the offshoots of albums like Invincible and Blood on the Dance Floor. The quality control was not even there for the singles, frankly. It's like the Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness B-Sides album all over again.

I was thinking, if Michael Jackson was alive now though, he would be making the most appalling music, wouldn't he? He'd be working with Will.i.am And David Guetta. Yeah, his songs would be like, Michael. That would be it. Or he'd be like, da-da-da-da-da-da, Michael, da-da-da-da-da-da, huh, that would be it.

Yeah. Or he'd be working with Pitbull and he'd be doing his hee-hee and Pitbull, ladies, ladies, ladies, buying a drink, la-di-da-di-da, buying a drink, hee-hee.

Past about 1995, was he really producing any good quality music? I'd argue not. I'd argue, I mean, his last truly great pop song, in my opinion,

Black or White, that's 1991. That's a very annoying song. I think the best time for him to have died would have pop song, in my opinion, Black and White, that's 1991. That's a very annoying song. I think the best time for him to have died would have been 1991, after the release of Black and White. And before the trouble with Geordie Chandler. In any case, this has been a very lengthy tangent to the question. Yes, sorry. The question about featured artists, is there a minimum input that each artist has to have?

That sounds like a ridiculous question, but no doubt there are entertainment lawyers out there who know the answer to that question. Yeah, if 2 Chainz is going to be on Give It To You by Robin Thicke, then he won't do any more than 20 seconds of work, that kind of thing. Yeah, or if he does do more than 20 seconds of work, it's got to be equal billing. It's got to be and. Robin Thicke, ampersand, 2 Chainz. Yes, which presumably means equal split of royalties for performance. I mean, that's the point, isn't it?

I imagine that's why there is that distinction. But if you're just on the record like um jay-z very often it's just they're going oh i can't imagine that he's getting the same as if it was a jay-z single i get the impression that a lot of jay-z's contributions to songs are sort of recorded in the style of a stephen hawking soundboard you know so that at one point like he was doing siri or something he just went in the studio and made a load of noises yeah just went oh uh-huh and then people can just dial them in he doesn't need to be there at all i think you i think you've cracked his secret wide open that is amazing but in any case uh the notion of such and such featuring so so and so yes uh is a trope from uh the grand history of pop music really the

first track to feature anyone was the four acces featuring Al Alberts with their smash hit song Three Coins in the Fountain from 1954. 1954? Yeah, and Al Alberts did a lot more than just go, ah, then. Did he? What did he do? Yeah, he sang along. Put some effort in.

He really did. Yeah, he was adding harmony. I think he wrote the song as well. Presumably the notion was familiar from when, say, a premium violinist would go and do a guest concert with an orchestra. Precisely. I think originally it made more sense.

We now live in a kind of singles buying world, don't we? But it made more sense. Or singles not buying. Well, I guess, sure. Single streaming, arguably. But not a long player world. But not a long player world. But this made more sense in the world of certainly variety theatre,

but then even in the world of albums, because you'd clearly have an artist who the album was by and then a track featuring someone who was a guest is the idea of a special guest, isn't it? But when it's a single, when it's Coldplay and Rihanna and it's not on either of their albums or it's on both of their albums, it is a bit more complicated because you are more likely to buy it for either artist than for one in particular.

So I think that's why sometimes you get the Amber Sand or the With rather than the featuring. Well, because the Eminem and Rihanna duet duet the burning one that featured roughly equal amounts of them yeah i don't i don't i would agree and that is a duet that is a straight amber sand kylie and jason here's a question from alan from dublin who says ollie answer me this is it acceptable to use a groupon voucher for a date as in for a restaurant not for the person you're dating date rachel at 75% off do escort sites use groupon i don't even know it's possible uh he says not on a date night when you're in a relationship but on the third or fourth date with someone new so not on first

date either that's interesting that he's gone for third date he agrees yeah not on the first date third date traditionally when you might get lucky. Yeah. He says, and if it is okay, should you tell them you're using it or try to use it sneakily? I think this is a great question. And I think it very much depends on who you're with and what they're like and where you're going. So let me qualify all of that.

Who you are, I think it matters if you're with someone who, for example, is the kind of person who would say, never guess where I got this dress, only Primark. If they'd say that on date two, if they're that kind of person,

then they're the kind of person who would probably appreciate you saying, you never guess where we're going, we're going to insert name of great place because I got it on Groupon. They'd think, wow, you're the kind of guy who spots a bargain.

That's the kind of guy I want. Yeah. Now, that much my shoes were yeah exactly if they're that kind of person then you're on safe footing if you want to find out if they're that kind of person then just compliment things that they wear and see if they then go oh this thing is from the charity shop yes that's the way to smoke that information out actually this is versace well if you say this is versace and it's from the charity shop that will test both thesis won't it yeah yeah where you're going is also important um even with someone who appreciates a bargain yep i think on a date taking them i'll give you an example okay i've got a taste card yes i use it quite a lot and that entitles you to what sort of discount in the restaurants of london uh it's either two for one or it's 50 okay so hefty the quality of the establishment sometimes it can be a bit embarrassing so for instance my local tandoori in south hertfordshire

is on taste card okay it's only seven pounds for a main course there anyway i feel embarrassed going in there because you have to book in advance on the phone. You have to call and say, oh, hi, yeah, I'd like to reserve two places on taste card. And they're like, all right, 50% off. Yeah, yeah, 50% off. And then I go and I don't drink anything because I'm working that evening. End up spending £3.50 on a curry. I feel embarrassed. Well, that's what they've opened themselves up for.

I know. But whereas if I was going to the Ritz and getting the same deal, that would be fine. And I think that, you know, there are a lot of really quite fine dining places on Groupon. So if you're going to a posh restaurant in a five star hotel that would normally cost £100 each and you're getting it for 40 quid each. That's fine, isn't it? I think I'd feel more comfortable as well, knowing that such an expensive place wasn't full price. For instance, our friends Brendy and Lo took us out for dinner the other week because it was uh my birthday and our wedding anniversary but they said it is on vouchers because i think they'd actually found a confluence of vouchers to make it even cheaper and otherwise

the restaurant was super expensive how did that work because usually you can only use one voucher at a time i know well they must have left a loophole so that groupon could be invoked and also special birthday voucher our birthday yes yes however voucher. Yes. However, Brendian Lowe said it's critical that you tip on the whole amount, not on the voucher discounted amount. Now, I agree with that. Which is odd from you because you hate tipping. I do, but I feel, again, there's a sense of guilt when you've come away from a restaurant

and you know that people around you are spending triple figures and you're not. Idiot. Put it on Groupon. And actually, this happened to me. If you're listening, Courthouse Hotel in London, you're missing a trick here, right? So the Courthouse Hotel, posh five-star hotel

just off Argyle Street. It is literally an old courthouse. It was a courthouse until the early 1980s. It is the room where Oscar Wilde was tried for buggery. Wow!

Who knew in 1895, whilst they were watching that trial against Oscar Wilde... It wasn't actually televised. ...that a hundred and however many years later, can't do maths quickly, people would be sitting there having a five-course Thai fusion meal.

But that is what happens. You can go in there, you can see where the judge sat, where the jury sat. They've left it all the same, where the doors were for the different rooms. Really cool. I wouldn't associate that with Thai fusion.

I know. I think it's because the owner of the courthouse hotel is an Asian of some description and wanted an Asian fusion restaurant. Not just that kind of put a pin in a map and be like, oh, right, well, we're cooking Thai Moroccan food then. Yeah, but it is a bit weird because it's such a traditional environment, wood-panelled walls. It should be an English restaurant, really, which is probably why they've got deals on Groupon. I see.

Anyway, got a Groupon, went to the courthouse restaurant. Very cool location. Five-course Thai meal. Ooh. I think it was, I mean, it was expensive for a group on i think it was 40 pounds each yeah but like i say down from like 100 quid five courses five courses eight quid per course at the end uh i said can we have the bill please uh and the guy said um oh no you're all paid up huh and i was like okay but how do i tip if they haven't given me a bill and then you

leave cash on the table well they were making it quite obvious that we were done like the waiter was firm with us he was like oh no you're all done see you soon yeah cash on the table do you think that was i don't think he was asking for cash on the table well i'm sure he wouldn't have said no to it had you left it there i also wonder though whether if you've got a stockpile of vouchers at home because i know what it how it works i'm a voucher addict i do this yeah i've got i've got a big poster on my wall with a list of all the vouchers that i've yet to spend so that i can tick them off as i go through them because otherwise you forget them and that's how they get you isn't it you don't spend them on the ones you bought um if you've got a stockpile at home if you create that impression with a date that doesn't look so good

well you've got okay you've got to keep your system under wraps then close to your chest yes you'll be like we had such a lovely time last time i thought what you'd really get a kick out of place you'd really enjoy is this place and maybe on our fourth date we could go for a fish pedicure i've got the question then email your question. Do answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com

Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's round of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car.

On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Here's a question from Bea who says, When I was growing up, I loved the Spice Girls. Did you now? The sound of reassuring agreement there from the room. Good for you, dear. I think I was a bit old to love the Spice Girls.

Also, it wasn't really in my temperament. I was a bit old, but I do remember being very excited when they were going to launch Channel 5. But I was more the kind of kid that was excited about a five-night-a-week comedy chat show. I was all in it for the Jack Doherty rather than the Geri Halliwell. Well, I was not excited about that

because Channel 5 was not available in Kent where I grew up. Is that right? Yeah, because it was too close to France. Huh. But I did like the Spice Girls enough. was not available in kent where i grew up is that right yeah because it was too close to france huh but i did like the spice girls enough uh b continues i adored the spice girls so much that in all photos of me as a child i'm doing that annoying girl power sign uh that is actually v for victory or whatever winston church was the first spiceice Girl. He had a lot of girl power. He had big tits.

And I've ruined many family photographs that way. Mel B probably also ruins all of her family photographs that way. I always wondered if the girls from Shampoo were angry about the Spice Girls adopting girl power because the Shampoo album was called that years before the Spice Girls. Does Shampoo predate the Spice Girls?

I know, astonishing to believe, isn't it? By at least a couple of years, I think. I think probably Shampoo by then were already resigned to their I know, astonishing to believe, isn't it? It is. By at least a couple of years, I think. Wow. Yeah. I think probably Shampoo by then were already resigned to their fates. I think that's probably right, yeah. It was sad when Spice Girls came along and burst their bubble there. Hey!

B continues. I had all the Spice Girls merchandise, knew all their songs. That's the minimum level of commitment, isn't it, if you're going to be devoted to some artists that only had three albums? Does she really mean all their songs? Is that including album tracks yeah that weird r&b album they did in year 2000 i wanna make you holler and other jewish delicacies i would have loved that if they'd done a jewish bakery themed album that would have been amazing blintz anyone Can she want to be my lover? It's not too late.

I know Posh won't join in, but the rest of them might go for the money. Anyway, B says she knew all their songs and she even went to see them live once. Wow, that truly is devotion. I'm not sure they ever sang live in the true definition of the word. She saw them live once. Yes, indeed.

Oh, they really lived. I loved the Spice Girls so much, says Bea, that one Sunday afternoon when I was about 10 years old, I entered a radio competition on the Pepsi chart show hosted by Dr. Fox. Now, for kids listening, that isn't Dr. Liam Fox, the former defence secretary, but a man who was an unqualified doctor who now presents Magic Breakfast. Ask your mum. Bea continues.

My memory of the event is hazy, but I know it was after Jerry had left the group and the competition was promoting a big concert of theirs. Not one of those intimate gigs they used to do at... The 100 Club? The Jazz Cafe, yeah. Dr. Fox played a line from a Spice Girls song. It was Viva Forever.

And I had to sing the next line. I'll be waiting. Which I did perfectly, obviously. Just as Jerry Halliwell did and then left. Yes. My prize, along with a signed Spice Girls t-shirt, although signed by only the four of them, not Jerry, so that's not as good, is it?

No. And a shitload of pepsi was an actual outfit that had been worn by posh spice herself during her spice girl's career or before then i think it was during before then she would have been 15 yeah exactly but it could just be like her school gym kit or something actually some people would perverts at the time would have been very keen. I remember being disappointed, says Bea, because the girl who had won earlier in the show won a pair of Baby Spice's shoes.

That's extraordinary. If you were a 10-year-old, would you rather have Bananarama's shoes or Bananarama's dress when you were 10? Probably the dress, because that I could still attempt to wear now. Yeah, but you wouldn't be thinking about that when you were 10. Or you would, wouldn't you?

Because you were focused on being a middle-aged woman. Who did I like when I was 10? Jermaine Greer. I've never been a fan of Greer. Really? Not even of her early singles. Really? Because I actually was a fan of Jermaine Greer when I was 10.

And would you have liked to have worn a pair of her shoes? Possibly. I used to watch Late Review. Yep, good show. It's how I learned to blag intelligence. It's a good show. And now it's gone. Do you feel very unseated?. Yeah, good show. It's how I learned to blag intelligence. Good show. And now it's gone. Do you feel very unseated?

It's a good question. Bonnie Greer does the paper review now on Sky News and I've still got a lot of front row stored on my iPod from when Mark Lawson was still presenting. So I feel like I've still got them with me in my heart. Could you hire Bonnie Greer as a tutor for say an hour a week just to give you some culture tips? It's amazing how far these

questions go into tangents isn't it you could could be ever have dreamt when she sent her this question about a dress from the pepsi chart show that helen would ask that as a subsidiary we haven't even got to the question really no we haven't let's get on we're still on tent hooks when posh spices outfit arrived continues b it became apparent that it is a garment i will never ever wear well that's funny isn't it because theice Girls were all about wearable fashions. Yes, and absolutely all about long-term looks as well. There's nothing about those outfits, the Union Jack dress, the heels, that you would think, why wouldn't I wear this every day?

Oh, indeed. So, Helen, answer me this. What should I do 17 years later with this all-in-one Victoria Beckham jumpsuit? Give it to Annika Royce. I have no proof whatsoever it was ever worn by Victoria. Oh, really? They didn't supply a photo of her in it? That's odd, isn't it? Well, this is the problem.

Virgin Records, who presumably the outfit came from, at the time would have known that no 10-year-old winning a prize on the Pepsi chart show would say, well, that's great, but where's the provenance for antiquity they just wouldn't say that for the antiques road show in 100 years time you're gonna need some kind of confirmation this is the issue yeah if you don't know it's from her although it's a reputable source of the time biggest radio show in the country at the time why would they lie it could just be a costume that she wore very briefly for a photo couldn't it rather than something she actually did a dance routine in but you could

smell it for sweat and see if it smelled like work wear. Could you do a Google reverse image search? Now, you'd have to put the outfit around someone who looks a bit like Posh Spice or... Well, they're too penny, aren't they? Well, praying mantis or something. Skeleton in a wig, I was going to say. A wooden spoon with a melancholy face drawn on it.

I like Posh Spice, but she does look like an unhappy woman. Well, B continues. Ideally, I would like to sell this thing for mega bucks. Victoria Beckham, after all, is arguably the most successful Spice Girl. I think Mel B would agree with that. I think that's highly arguable. I think they'd all agree with that. Anyway, B says, thinking about it now, I'm sure it could be

worth more than Emma Bunton's shoes. That's true. It is better now, isn't it? In retrospect, that you went for the outfit from Victoria. Yes, absolutely. But who the hell would want it? Failing that, I wouldn't mind donating it to a Spice Girl museum or the like, but then again, who the hell would want it? Well, I do feel that a properly run Spice Girls museum would want verification that she'd actually worn it. Could they do a DNA swab?

Could do a DNA swab. Well, I was going to say that's not a bad idea. It is an utterly pointless idea. But I think it would fetch a lot on eBay, but again, you would need the verification. One person you could sell this to is the visual artist Liz West, the foremost collector of Spice Girls memorabilia and merchandise. Oh, really?

She has over 5,000 individual items devoted to the band. Even they didn't call themselves a band. Really, have you got the scores that they wrote in their own hand? I'm reading off SpiceGirlsCollection.com. And she has a Guinness World Record to mark her achievement. That is a wonderful achievement. It is, yes. What an achievement. What an achievement.

She may not be academic, but that's not for everybody. She's a record breaker. Oh, my God. She's equal to people that did something really difficult. So she supplied the touring spice girls exhibition uh she's someone who probably would be able to verify the outfit for you because she'd probably have any photo that victoria beckham posed in for it probably um so that's the way to do it get in touch with her she'd be able to verify and purchase the

outfit if that's the way you want to go but i think this is such a hilarious souvenir and she's enclosed a picture of it and it does look a bit like a mechanic's boiler suit but very very small in size yeah so it doesn't take up all that much room and it's the kind of thing where towards the end of the night you can say to your friends never guess what i've got and bring it out yeah exactly as just for the party trick value because it's it's believable your story yeah ideally what you probably should do is try and get the footage of you on the pepsi chart show so you can verify at least that that happened. And then for your story, that's great, isn't it? You don't need the verification it was worn by Victoria Beckham.

You could play the clip to your friends, walk in wearing the boiler suit. That's funny. If she can fit into it. Oh, do you think that's the subtext here? Well, the thing is, with a jumpsuit, even if Bea is skeletally thin, if she's taller than Victoria Beckham, then you're going to get rotten camel toe. Yeah. Because those are not forgiving garments. But what would be amazing is if you had a friend who was a gigantic Victoria Beckham fan, and particularly of her current fashion range, and you could be like, for your birthday, I've got you a bona fide Victoria Beckham

garment, and then go for this thing from the 90s. It does underline, doesn't it, just how far Victoria Beckham has come in the public imagination. If you said five years ago, the hot name in haute couture fashion would be Victoria Beckham, it's laughable, isn't it? It's like saying Katie Price. That could happen. It could happen.

I wouldn't bet against Katie Price. Does she design her own stuff? Victoria Beckham, yeah. She claims to. She claims. I think at the beginning, she had an inverted commas close relationship with the well-known designer Roland Muret. But now he's off doing his own stuff again. And so she has to do it.

Well, it's a big company. She can employ people who can actually do the drawings. Presumably she just provides inspiration. I can imagine she is good at that. She does dress well. She's quite an odd character, isn't she? I mean, do you think... So weird. One of the most famous women in the world. And I don't know anything about really what she's actually like. Apparently she's really funny. Apparently she's very very nervous isn't she i mean she comes across as not a very intelligent woman do you think that's that's that's fair or do you think she's actually very talented hidden talent i think that's true of david as well i also admire david beckham but he just doesn't come across like he's got a great deal going on i think that's his

voice though that his voice takes out about 50 iq points but they both left school pretty early it's fine if they're not very academic. Yeah, yeah. They've got a certain low cunning that has taken them a very long way. Yeah. And if either of them want to come on this show, they would be incredibly welcome. Yes, yes, indeed.

And now it's time for the intermission brought to you by Answer Me This, episode one. Available now at answermethisstore.com. We've had a question from Luke, Helen. Have we? I do. Luke says, Helen, answer me this. How can one achieve respectability with the minimum of fuss?

You can wear a suit at all times. Yeah. That's fail safe. Well, you think back to mass murderers and after 15 years or so, they suddenly get apprehended and everyone would have guessed it. It was so respectable and such.

So do whatever they do. They do always say that, don't they? And you always get those guys on Sky News standing in the street going, oh yeah, I've lived here for 20 years, it's a really nice area. What does that mean? No one thinks that there's murderers

walking around the area that they live. It's like, live. I'm not surprised. Everyone is a murderer. Murderers live in the yucky murder suburb. Here's a question from Daniel in West Sussex. He says, after playing a lot of Tetris recently, I have a question. Ollie, answer me this. Who invented Tetris? And what was the first device that it was available on? Well, we don't have an hour, so this can't be as exhaustive as I would like. There has already been a book and a feature-length documentary about this.

Are you sure it was a documentary and not just a video of Tetris blocks falling down the screen? BBC Four do put on any odd shit, don't they? You can imagine them doing that. It's Tetris weekend. We're going to revisit classic gameplay of Tetris. And everyone would just be sitting there going,

I just need a straight one. I just need one of the straight ones. Why are all these stupid zigzag ones? I used to play, when you play two player Tetris and you had the connection. Do you ever do that? I don't think so. You didn't have a Game Boy, did you?

I used to play at my friend's house is on the Tetris. If you had the Game Boy thing, you could have the little wire going between the two Game Boys, you know, pre-Wi-Fi age, obviously, and the things were linked. So when you scored a Tetris, all four lines... Right, that's like a bingo, but in Tetris. Yes, it would then go onto your opponent's screen, so it would boost their lines up so they lost. Oh, that sounds terrible, because then you're just fighting the Tetris.

It was so much fun. Can't we fight the common enemy, Olly? Get together to just defeat these evil blocks that are falling on our heads. That does sound very Russian, which of course is where the game is from. The guy who invented it was a guy called Alexei Pajitnov. He did so in 1984 whilst he was working as a computer programmer at the Academy of Science in Moscow. Oh, I was hoping that he would have been working as a bricklayer or something

and he used to entertain himself. He designed it on an Electronica 60, which I'd never heard of before, but presumably it's like a Russian version of the BBC Micro or something, which he was working on in his place of occupation. And commercially, it became available first on the Commodore 64. Now, you will know that Commodore 64 is a Western computer. So how did it make its way? A decadent Western computer.

How did it make its way from Russia to the Commodore 64? Answer, a British company licensed it, but they couldn't find Pajitnov. They couldn't get hold of him because, you know, again, pre-email, pre-internet, couldn't get hold of him. He was under a Soviet regime. So they just licensed it anyway without paying him a royalty. On the argument that they tried best practice and couldn't get him.

In which time it became this kind of international phenomenon. Phenomenon. Do-do-do-do-do. And the Soviet government then, in response to it becoming an international phenomenon... Non. I'm not playing with you, I'm correcting you. Then actually bought the rights themselves. The Soviet government?

Yes. Wow! So for a long time, anyone playing Tetris was actually giving a royalty to the Soviet government. Wow. And did they make all the pieces red and sickle-shaped? I don't think so, but that's why it had this Russian flavour, so that's why on the Game Boy version you got the full-on And eventually, in 1996, Alexei Pajitnov was able to claim the rights to the game fully. How? By becoming Russian president?

Well, the government basically relinquished the rights to him. The Russian government conceding rights to him? That sounds out of character, doesn't it? Well, not really, because in the meantime they'd embraced consumerism, hadn't they? Or supposedly had. Yeah, but still, nice little earner for them. Yeah, but it wasn't really, you know, it didn't look good that they were taking the money for themselves. Right, okay. So anyway, he found...

In that free press that they had. Yeah, exactly. So he founded a company called the Tetris Company, who are now the owners of Tetris. Now, if you make a game and call it Tetris, or it's anything like Tetris, you have to pay him a royalty. So if it's one of these jokey ones where it's sheep or something instead of the bricks, you still have to pay. But it's a bit of an uphill battle now, because there were so many years of lax enforcement uh and uh i mean just recently he sent 35 letters to people selling versions of tetris on the android marketplace and the genie's kind of out the bottle really and by the way do you know the name of the blocks uh ted vladimir

svetlana and bob um They are tetrominoes Tetrominoes They're four-sided domino pieces Which I'd never thought of before No, I didn't Because I guess you only play dominoes And so you don't think of them as being multi-shaped Well, I used to have triominoes

Which was the triangular domino Right, yeah It was alright So think about it That is four blocks Arranged in every possible combination That's a tetromino No, because dominoes

The dots on the dominoes I feel are a critical characteristic Which Tetris does not have it's not about the dots it's not but it makes you think why didn't someone come along and do it with five or six sided things um well that's getting rid of the whole copyright issue well i think the problem is he bottled genius when he created tetris it's so addictive even he hasn't been able to match the success of it he's worked since as a consultant on other video games has he ever launched another one himself yeah there's a there's a new tetris it's called the new tetris as if someone's going to pay to buy tetris now but um

in the new tetris you get to see three pieces in advance oh so then you can be like well i'm not going to bother holding out for that long straight one yeah which i think is a bit of a spoiler isn't it yeah i mean i like it when you see one piece in advance, but three, that's... That seems quite Russian, though, because chess, you have to play a lot of moves ahead. It's just the vertical chess. I guess. Not as much to connect for as the vertical chess,

but you get my drift. Here is a question from Ben in Bath, although originally from Walsall. Good to know. Yeah, I thought you'd be pleased to know. He says, Ollie, answer me this. What is bubblegum flavour? You can get bubblegum in many different flavours.

However, there are many extra bubblegum products. Those million sweets, for example, that claim to be flavoured like bubblegum. I remember when I was eight, huge treat going to a place in South Africa that had lots of different flavours of milkshake, one of which was bubblegum. That was about the most exotic thing I'd ever seen

because I wasn't really allowed artificial flavours and stuff wasn't allowed it even though the parents said you can have a milkshake specifically I couldn't have the bubble gum one and it was blue because they were worried

that it would start off a craving for bubble gum no I think they just they just like dashing my dreams no they probably did think this slippery slope this isn't it

if she has the bubble gum flavoured milkshake it'll just be a few short hops away from crack cocaine you'll see it's a gateway drug yeah

I bet in America they have milkshake flav flavored bubble gum as well almost certainly just to complete the circle they have birthday cake flavored m&ms even though that is not a flavoring that is a genre of cake although i sort of know what that would taste like it would be a sort of jam sponge cake cream jam sponge cream yeah which is a similar story with the bubble gum flavor okay right okay well should i finish reading ben's question he says i can't imagine it being entirely synthetic well i can so is it a blend of fruity flavors well it sort of is or even a single fruit flavor i think you'll agree this whole thing is baffling um no i don't think it is uh i disagree i disagree because i

think because i think yes it is a genre, bubblegum. Yeah. But you say it and you know roughly what it means. And I think that's because you know how whatever people put in their bin, everyone's bin still smells of bin. Yes. In the same way, I think whatever flavour bubblegum allegedly is, when it's been popped in your face, it smells of bubblegum.

There's an overriding smell of like fruit and sugar. Artifice. Yes. Basically, if you want to make bubblegum in a kitchen at home, this is how you do it. It's like Breaking Bad. The flavour is three parts banana, three parts pineapple. All artificial versions of these, right? Whereas if you actually blended the fruit together.

Yeah, not actually banana. Which is only about 10% recognisable three parts banana flavor three parts pineapple flavor two parts wintergreen what one part cinnamon wait wintergreen so i meant i guess or it might be one of those weird herbal mixtures one part cinnamon and one part clove that's what makes bubblegum favor no never in a million years would I have guessed any of those five ingredients Let alone a combo Although those things blended together as a smoothie Probably would be quite nice

And not smell like Professor Burp's Wobbleworks Anyone of a certain age is just taking back to their childhood Anyone not of a certain age has no idea what you just said When did they abolish Wobbleworks? They had to close it down They raised it to the ground He's caught for plagiarism

He's now Professor plagiarism. They cut his doctor off him. He's now Professor Emeritus, but... I don't know if you've ever helped your mum build a website. It is the kind of torment from which there is no respite. If she asks, what's a widget again? I will kill her with a rusty spike. Or a brick, or a sp spade or a chainsaw. Squarespace is so easy, even your mum can use it.

She can drag and drop and cut and paste, that's all there is to it. So Helen, put that spike down, I beg you, for Christ's sake, don't do it. Sorry, Mum. Thanks jolly much to Squarespace for... Thanks jolly much. Thanks jolly much indeed to...

No one says that in real life, do they? Well, I thought Squarespace were American, jolly much. Thanks jolly much indeed to... No one says that in real life, do they? Well, I thought Squarespace were American. They might like to hear... Yeah, you're right. They'll just think it's... Some very, very English-seeming term. You're right.

They'll think that's charming, won't they? Thank you so much, Squarespace, for your spiffing support. What, what? Pip pip. And you too can do a Bertie Worcester-style gratitude noise towards Squarespace because they are offering you, dear listener, 10% off their marvellous web design and web hosting services for a whole year if you use the code ANSWER. Here's a question from Charlie who says,

During the London 2012 Olympics, there are about 80-odd statues around London of Wenlock and Mandeville, the mascots. The Cyclopean phalluses. Oh, they were horrifying, weren't they? Absolutely horrific. Ollie, answer me this. When the game's finished... They'll never finish in our hearts.

Go, Mo! Come on, Tim! No, that's something else. When the game's finished, what happened to them? And can I buy one? My kids loved them. I'm sorry to tell you, Charlie, that shortly after the games, there was a big auction of a lot of Olympic paraphernalia.

And I think most of the big statues of Wenlock and Mandeville went for tens of thousands of pounds. There's not much evidence of it online, though. I had a look for this. The only one I could find was from a local paper from Malvern, who were very proud because Sherlock Wenlock, the one that was based on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's iconic super sleuth, as reported by the local paper.

Except for it rendered as a one-eyed monstrosity. Yeah. No one uses the word sleuth in real life, do they? No one does, no. When I worked on this morning, we used to introduce Paul Ross used the word sleuth in real life no one does though only in paper when i worked on this morning we used to introduce uh paul ross as our tv sleuth um because he'd be telling you what was on the tv that we made no sense anyway um and it more and more elaborate uh teases in the menu shots each week for paul ross coming up just because they've chosen that word like

bloke he talks about tv to the point where there was one week where he was dressed full on as Poirot. Like, hat, moustache, giant magnifying glass, like the cloak and everything. And, yeah, music over the top. Do-do-do-do. Who's this? Oh, it's our TV super sleuth, Paul Ross. He was investigating the disappearance of missing televisions.

Well, because he was investigating what's on BBC One this Wednesday at 8 o'clock. That's easy. Anyway, Sherlock Wenlock ended up in Malvern. That cost them six and a half grand, apparently. Well, you could was investigating what's on BBC One this Wednesday at 8 o'clock. That's easy. Anyway, Sherlock Wenlock ended up in Malvern. That cost them £6,500 apparently. Well, you could go and nick it, Charlie. But that would be mean. But it's hard to find where most of them ended up. And some of them were quite cool

actually. I hated Wenlock and Mandeville. I think they were hideous mascots. Yes, I believe we have held forth on that subject before. We've covered this. Yes, answer me this sports day available now as an album for only £2.49. Unlike Wenlock and Mandeville, it's a much cheaper souvenir of that wonderful time in 2012. But the ones that were giant, the ones that were dressed as guards at the Tower of London or Big Ben,

they were actually quite cool. Okay, but I wouldn't want to have one. Just because your kids loved them when they were in position on the south bank of the Thames, for instance. In your house, they would be terrifyingly large and terrifyingly cyclopean. Yes, I think also the novelty would wear off quickly. Well, kids are very capricious, aren't they?

I mean, they probably loved Etch-a-Sketch for about a millisecond. Well, that's it. I remember actually at a wedding within my family, I was sitting at a table with my cousin Miles, who at the time was 11 years old, and my great-uncle was performing an East End piano-based song, sort of Chas and Dave style thing, with his friends from the Bridge Club. And Miles was making a load of noise the whole way through the performance at the wedding.

Was he trying to join in? No, he was just bored. Like, he was 11 years old. He was bored watching a load of 70-year-olds performing an old song from the East End. But obviously, as the adult next to him, I was like, Miles, do you want to just keep quiet? Have respect for Uncle Sam, who's performing an old song from the east end but obviously as the adult next to him i was like master you want to just you know keep quiet have respect for uncle sam who's performing his favorite song he didn't understand just wanted to sing it

one more time before he dies it's so boring it's so boring and i was like okay i thought let me try and think of a comparison here i can make to get him on board so i said okay imagine at your bar mitzvah i stood up and sung your favourite song to you. That's what this is like. In two years' time at your bar mitzvah, what would you really like me to sing to you? And he said Eternity by Robbie Williams. Ah, bad choice, Miles. Is there a rap in that? How does that one go? It's terrible.

You were there for summer dreaming. And I lodged that away in the back of my brain. And I did just think, I wouldn't do that to him but when he's 13 and trying to be cool you know just before they play the hip dance tunes of the day that he wanted to impress his friends with I just thought it would be so cool to stand up and sing Eternity by Robbie Williams to him

because he'd specifically requested it Did it shut him up you having drawn that analogy? Yes it did actually He went like okay okay this is their eternity But it's interesting that Charlie's kids did love Wenlock and Mandeville because at the time they were highly criticised by grown-ups. But the research always said that children engage with them, that the target audience liked them, related to them.

They do look like blobs and that's a popular shape for children's things to be. It's like Moomins, Barber Puppers. And they look like they're from the digital age as well. You know, which children are. But adults don't like that idea. No. But, you know, to us they looked hideousous but i think kids always did kind of like them um but nonetheless i guess it's adults with the spending power isn't it and apparently hornby the manufacturer of the toys their shares fell by a third as a result of poor sales after the olympics

well also a lot of the souvenirs did not look like they were particularly well made you could get an inflatable wenlock or Mandeville. Could you? Yeah, but I think... You mean like a sex doll? No, you can't... No. You can get... Well, they're only about a foot long,

so maybe. Maybe not for your kids, though. No. But you could get them that as a compensation. But they might just not be that bothered now. It's two years later. They don't have the meaning that they had then. Exactly.

They were just a sideshow. My Eternity Point. Yeah. Ironic you chose that title because it's anything but Eternity, his love for that song kids desires change quickly they really do i went for a swim in the olympic pool the other day how was it in the actual olympic pool and uh did you win a medal yeah i won a medal for getting everyone out of my lane people i don't know what i don't know what is quirky about my swimming style something

but yeah clear the place. You constantly look like you're draining. There was no one there. I've been for a swim in the Crystal Palace pool, which is 20 centimetres too short to be an Olympic pool because they forgot to allow for the tiling. But it's intimidating, first of all, because there's stadium-style seating on one side.

Yes, they have this too, yeah. I don't really like the feeling that I'm being watched because I'm the slowest person in the pool. Secondly, very tiring Olympic-length pool. 50 metres, yeah. I was taking a break most lengths. But the thing I found weird about it is they've spent God knows how many millions opening this place, right? I mean, if you include the Olympic money, obviously loads.

But even just restoring it since the Olympics for public use. And they haven't put in a swimming costume dryer. I mean, they have... I've never been to a place that has a swimming costume dryer. Is that common now? Is that like a salad spinner? Yes, exactly. It's like a salad spinner for your trunks. Exactly that that's cool they're very common i would go as

far to say ubiquitous in private health clubs oh i see public health clubs the ones run by the councils you know make a point of not having them yeah but they can't cost that much compared to restoring the olympic swimming pool and i just think within the budget for that you'd make everyone's life happy you've then got to go on the Jubilee line with your wet trunks. You'd make everyone's life happier if you had the salad spinner

for the clothes. How did Michael Phelps dry his trunks? Exactly. I bet they had them there and took them out afterwards. God damn it. Yeah.

And you can't take your towel to the pool. What now? Nowhere to put your towel. Basic human right. I was walking out with my towel because I'm a bit shy still. I wear the towel over my body. Well, you like the element of surprise though don't you like

ta-da here i am torso of the week uh and um uh and uh the swimming pool attendant guy like blew his whistle and wagged his finger at me like back in the locker they don't want the danger that tom daly's gonna cover up do they i guess and I was the Tom Daley there that day, clearly. Very much so. The closest thing to it. Sounds rubbish. Yeah. Well, no, it was really cool to be in the actual Olympic pool. But the park itself, as in 2012, I was walking around thinking,

well, this would be nice when they finish it. It's got some nice bits, but it's basically concrete and looking at a shopping centre, isn't it? Well, there's a lot of space that was used for corralling crowds and now it's just nothingness. um gravel bridges yeah i mean that's not really what you want to see in a park i know they've installed all cool things like climbing frames and skating ramps and it's all supposed to be about supposed to climb on the anish kapoor that was weird as well that is open that is technically opening pay to go up it not a soul

there and in any other country that had had the Olympics that would become a major tourist attraction immediately you went there it wasn't even obvious it was open I had to go in I had to go up to the security guard

and say it's not open is it and he said yeah it is you can buy a ticket it's like if they didn't make a feature of the Empire State Building having working lifts

we're so bad at that kind of thing how much does it cost to go up the a bit much about £14 that's too much £5 American but of course what could be a better bargain

than this podcast because it's free at the point of use uh good point actually yeah we don't flag that up enough the bargainist nature of this i suppose you need quite a lot of expensive electronic devices to listen to podcasts that is the end of this episode but if you would like to send us a question to be featured in our next episode and don't resist that impulse listeners give into it yes all our contact details are easily perusable upon our website answer me this podcast.com also on there links for our old episodes for our twitter account and our facebook page and a whole lot of written stuff around the show and uh all that is left is for us to say thank you again to squarespace most kind thanks guys you the best and we'll see you next time.

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